TJIK r.KE: OMAHA, WEDNESDAY. .TT7LY 2fi. 1911.
Th e ee'g jn Mal a z? 1 P P. a',
The BEES cliwfojJSzrIdSocJc
How to Train a Wife
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There bad bfn a guest for dinner, one of
tlione frequent -babblers, of platitudes that
i Inclfn rt morder: without .one's being sble
' to remember"' tdngle- speech that would
warrant a yerdlct of Justifiable homicide.
I The Confirmed Conimuter had asked the
visitor. The. bore was hi ' K"Mt. Hence
he Blade a .shallow1 effort at eprlghtllness
while the nian who" edited' n encyclopedia
In hl lighter moments droned on and on
m nu Vl , n .
Toward the,, close of the evening the
learnt-d person..' perhaps oit of deference
to the- shallow"', fntellect of hla hoateaa,
turned to a., Hat 'it dls6usslon of a recently
publlnhed treatise'' on "Death."
"Tha subject la 'one In which 'I have ttl-
,iiii,J' taken a deep ln'terest.'' he remarked
?j i.. 'UnA "ih. 'ihlhor takes UD a
luiiunuup;i(l .
novel question th Influence of love oil
faith. .The .raoajt fugftlve. ti.e moat mortal
of passions, he aaya. la the one that com
pels a belief In Immortality. Auk any
woman, who elattnsMtf be an -unbeliever, If
aha la ao convince, that when she dlea ahe
will cease sd'atttrly' sxlstiaa to be willing
for 'her Husb'nfid to' Wiarff again, and all
her materrtalftm goes' ro pleoes. If she's
honest she ll admit that hf ghost will
come back and haunt him H he ahould ever
think or such thing!"- -. ..
For the first -tlms. during-a long, dull
evening the face of tha Hopeful Housewife
lighted with Interest. . i ' r . .
'Oh, I don't know." . ahe said. "I'm
pretty much of pagan and -I can t Im
agine a woman's having any vlndtatlve
neaa on the iubjeofc.. Of course, she'd feel
badly td think 'shs'ha been aupplanted by
Znother woman,' but Irhe'd realiae that ahe
as dead an hadn't anything to aay on
'ie subject."
Ihs Confirmed Cpnynuter laughed.
"Don't you. see you're,, giving your whole
case away."-b said,,. "You claim not to
believe in Immortality and yet. you talk
about hew you .would- feel after you're
dead. But," ba.. added, lightly, "you know
1'vs bad your .succesaor, picked out a long
tlmo-half a doaeo of er. In fact. , Every
time 1 go to a musteai .show .1. see a new
one. ' . .. ' - v" .- ; Ui
The .Hopeful IJousewlfe laughed, a an
jves do t,thls styla o.. burner, though
ne of them can aee any point in u.
And from that moment till tne visitor
took hla leave her face wore a'look of sol
emnity and preoccupation
"Thank'heaveir' he's- gone!"' erfclalmed the
Commuter when h had closed the door
upon hla proay guest.' "Ntiw I can get a
chance at'tn evening papers. What's the
matter?"-' ha adad Quickly aa ha noticed
that MS wife's eye wer Aung with their
heaviest cartam -of teserve. ,.
nothing!'- sh . anawsrea in a rami
'wn 1 1 H ai sp
l(; yZ-Oh, no
"YOU ACTPAIXY TTlorGHT ABOUT
MY SUCCKSSOR." 7
"But there is!" the Commuter persisted.
'Or perhaps you're Just all tired out from
that fellow's monologues. Never mind,
dear, I'll never ask him again.','
"But you must!" rejoined his wife stiffly,
"I think he Is very Interesting particularly
In his Ideas about love and death.' And he
actually compelled you to tell the truth
about what you are going to do when I
die!"
Her voice quivered and broke as her
imagination dwelt lingeringly on a portrait
of her own decease. .."..-.
"What do you mean?" asked xfce amazed
Communter. "Didn't you understand I waa
only fooling? Can't you take a Joke? Why,
baby, where Is your common aense?'
He laughed reassuringly, but the mask
or tragedy was not lifted from his wife'a
face.
"You needn't think that I don't know It"
she began, excitedly. "I realised the very
minute you met that woman you were at
tracted to her and she was doing her best
to ensnare you."
"What on earth are you talking about?
Are you going crasy?" gasped the as
tounded Commuter.
"Give me credit for just ordinary powers
of observation," she anawered cVldly.
"Sometimes when I haven't fert well I've
had a sort of suspicion thaft there ' was
some woman Juat sitting bark walling to
step Into my shoes. And no you admit
that you've actually thought afiJiut a sue-'
ccssor In caae of my death and 'hive picked
one 'out. Yea you did, and there'i '-no uae
saying you were Joking, hut' remember this!
If you were to marry again and let some
other woman live In our house and have all
my Moorish collection and " my ' beautiful
Japanese prints I'll come back from the
grave and haunt you both!" - '
(Copyright, 1911. by the N. T. Herald CV
HOLY "
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July 26, 1911.
HOSOO O. BAKER. '
Z21S Ames Avenue.
Name and Addrcww. School. " Tear.
Ralph Burgett. 2028 Francis St Cafltellar-...l04
Roscoe Baker, 2218 Ames Ave .'Saratoga .1903
Benjamin H. Butler, 1403 North Thirty-third St.... High .......... .1892
Mores Black. 1432 South Thirteenth St T. Comenlus .1904
Ralph Burgett, 2026 Francis St... Windsor ........ ..1904
Francis Brlce, 211 South Thirtieth St... Farnam. 1898
Anna Cupak, 2940 Castellar St .Dupont ...:1899
Madeline I. Conn, 1302 South Twenty-ninth Ave.'. ..Park .......... .1900
Alphonse Czaplens, 2812 Vinton St Ira. Conception. ...1900
Anna, Donovan, 1810 Martha 8t Castellar ....... .1898
Mark Dorsey, 3332 Parker St Franklin ......... 1902
Frances Edwards, 1904 Corby St....... Lake ........... .1897
Joseph Fitzgerald, 2610 Spencer St Lothrop ...1896
Harry B. Hamer, 3408 Decatur St.." Franklin
Joseph F. Harding, 924 Glenwood Are Franklin
Bernie O. Holmquist, 1106 North Thirty-sixth St Franklin
Leddy Howell, 2524 Dewey Ave.... Central
Mary K. Hurst, 2432 Blondo 8t Long
1904
........1903
..1899
.1903
1903
Rose Harris. 1902 North Twenty-eighth St Long 1897
Sherman Jefferson, 2202 North Twenty-seventh St.. Long 1897
Chester L. Jones, 2421 North Twenty-fourth St.... Lake !l904
Fannie Kulakofsky, 1944 South Tenth St Lincoln 1900
Annie Kotva, 1929 South Twelfth St
Marie Luce, 1805 Chicago St
Gladys M. Larsen, 8803 Seward St....
William J. Laux, 8340 Larlmore Ave..
Albert Laux. 2757 South Ninth St....
Margaret Llnlnger, 811 Paciflo St....
Anna Mislevace, Second and Spring Sts
Stumrier Student Elucidates
ThS ' smart' waMrSaS ' ln'- ths lunchroom mittal sound. It ' didn't discourage the
wofe,Vmetn9sts"tsteTay,,'-At,any:Tate,
they looked like 'amethysts. '
A big comb at the" back " of her head,
holding tip her monumental coiffure," was
St'
i
.i
THE BMART WA1TRKS8 IN THE DAIRY
LUNCHROOM "WORE AMBTHYSTS
, ybstErjudy.
.'. , - . . '. f"
I lull or th aurpls stones. The necklace at
1 her' throat, ths littls pina that held her
waist together at tegular Intervals In the
' back, the Vtng on? her finger and the buokle
on" her oelt' were all atudded with what
looked Ilk tha real tfems.
Ths two men who- met at lunch every
day gased at this unusual decoration as
their waitress brought them ths cus
tomary crackers and milk. ' ' '
"Quasa .this IS her afternoon oft," ven
tured the younger.'
Tips' must'bs pretty good this season.
S hrrgwled ths otner. u sno can anoru nw
. TfLrklers. ,'. ' '
"Oh. they r not real, . said the younger,
lis waa a summer , student, and liked
to 'display 'his knowledge.
"Ever study Qreok?" hs continued.
The older, . auan - scorned to eonf ess his
Ignorance.. H devoted, his -attention to
ths -bowJ bators blnw v. ,
"if yoa had,- wsnt on his verdant
friend. ;7tt'd know that amethyst gets
Its -name Crom the Greek amethu ."
Ths oUter- growled out some non-com-
flow of . Information' from -ths.". youthful,.
UPS. .' :'l ;' . '
"Well, that means not drunken,' and
In olden times people used to wear the
stone as a preventive for drunkenness.
"The. original cure without drugs,"
growled his friend. t"Ouess it "worked as
well as moat freak cures."
"One old chap tried to explain1 Its
methods of curing. His name was Pliny.
Ever hear of him?"
"Yes, he's In tha . biographical diction
aries," continued the Growler. He was
faintly interested, but didn't think It
worth while to .betray ths fact-
"Well. Pliny saya that it prevents in
toxication .because it nearly, but npt en
tirely, approaches the color, of wipe." .
"In that case amethysts wouldn't be
much use in a case of over , exhilaration
from champagne or come r. other , non
amethystine tinted beverages," vouch
safed the Growler. . . . . .
"But considering the ancient tradition,"
went on the younger, "it's pretty droll to
find a waitress in a dairy restaurant wear
ing 'em, isn't it?"
Hs did not watt for an answer this time,
but continued with his information.
Loretta's Looking Glass-Held Up,to the Girl Who Shoves
ii ii i .I. . '
Don McDolell, 2624 Burdette St ,
Dorothy M. Moon, 1587 Park Ave
Lowell A. Miller, 3326 Larlmore Ave.
May Mangen, 942 North Twenty-eighth Ave.
Lincoln ........ .1895
High ....... ...'.1896
Franklin . . , , . , . .1900
Monmouth Park. ..1903
St. Joseph.. k . , . .-.1904
Pacific . ..1899
Bancroft ... ... , .1900
...Long ........ ...1905
..Park ....1899
...Monmouth Park.. .1903
...Webster ........ .1899
HE WAS A CUMMER HTUDENT. AND
LIKED TO DISPLAY HI8 KNOWLEDGE,
N -
"Funnier still, ths amethyst Is dedicated
to St. Valentine. I wonder If her best
young man knew , that interesting little
"Will you kindly ass your shoulder for
the purpose for which It was intended?"
You stared at the lady who made the
request with your most Insulted, how-dare-you
expression. .
But there Is nothing the ' individual In
front of you In the line to the box office
would not dare. You have placed your
shoulder against and rather under hers
and havs steadily rammed her along till
she is heyond caring what else happens.
Just so you take your shoulder out of her
back. ' .
Why, you even shove when you go into
church! Ths other day at a wedding you
began your persistent propulsion on an
elderly person with a real lace cape.
'I don't mind having my vertebra dis
located, but this cape la an heirloom, and
won't stand an attack from the rear,"
she said to you.-
And again you wore your look of out-
fact when he gave her all that Jewelry?"
At this moment the smart waitress in
terrupted his useful information by bring
ing the daily wedgea of apple pie and the
inevitable pay checks.
Going out this afternoon?" ventured the
loquacious luncher.
Ths smart waitress smiled and nodded.
"With your steady?" hs ventured.
She tossed her head.
"With my cousin," she answered.
The Growler broke into the conversation.
"Looks as if It was going to rain," hs
muttered.
"Funny thing," said ths other as they
rose, to leave, "that's another virtue of
ths amethyst. According to the ancients
It prevents' storms 1" ' -(Copyright,
UU. by ths N. Y. Herald Co.)
raged innocence. . It. would be a blessing
if you could get behind yourself and, shove,
Just to cultivate a fellow feeling for the
drastic massage treatment you give your
Wctlms. ' J
U may ba your, energy. It may. be your
nerves. You may offer any . Jtlnd of an
excuse for the maddsnlng imposition of
your shoving shoulder on the anatomy of
the one iu front. But none of them go.
The- ton who endures your continuous
I it pact feels a wild lonKlni; to whirl about
and deliver you a variefc.Ued lot oC sample
styles of prodding. Tha exquisite Joy of
returning your evenly applied and forward-
urging assault with a series of slaps and
bang and whacks makes her.ifcands Itch.
Bhu Is Just losing herself in the delights
of a f.Nileuffing imagination when the wo
man In' fj out turns around and says: "I
wish you would top pushing tne!"
In her frenzy at the mistreatment of
her shuuldt-r and tho injustice jo her man
n rs, M,e crk'e, "its no, .my,' fault! It's
somebody just behind in!" She sees the
scornful look tli.it m-hUm her as the re
proachful one rfiiriVrs u mental verdict of
her guile and in obviously disgusted at her
cowardice in not uirig up to her shoving.
Oh! if wd only dixpense. with our man
ners now and t!u-n. when they are lp the
way? Wouldn't it be a rich and rare re
compense to be ulilti to turn o nthe ehover
and thump and bump and baUtr and beat
her!
And, Alone with your straight-ahead
pushing, you have the most exasperating
babit of side-stepping and pushing the
one who walk with you Into the gutter.
It does no good to change over. Your an
atomy works to both sides. '
Of course. It's a habit. But it's the kind
that stirs an Impatient rags in the suf
ferer that makes her want to Jump on you
physically and linguistically.
Just watch out! Borne day you'll be
banging on the arm of a man. He may
think you have cute,, coxy, cuddling little
ways when you begin It; but by the time
you have Inserted your elbow between his
ribs and bruised hla intercostal muscles,
besides steering him into the trees along
the walk and making him tread the nar
row ledge by the curbstone, he will think
you. and your shoving as absolutely pro
voking and unnecessary as tha rest of Us
do. You will have shoved him quite away!
The Lovely Rose
The wild one is loveliest of all.
What flower so delicious of scent?
What blossom so exquisite of color?
But Its loveliness Is not enough, forsooth.
This most delightful of posies must go
armed!
. Yes, were Is not for Ha thorns, the cattle
would eat It.
The language of this variety of the
flower of love Is simplicity.
It's a relative of nearly all of our de
lightful fruit trees and berry bushes. '
Alta Marshall, Z0Z9 North Twenty-fourth St Kellom i.,1898
Narah Madison, 1941 South Sixteenth St Comenlug ....... .1905
Alvord N. Nordquist 6406 Stone Ave .Miller Parki . . . . 1902
Verna I. Olsen, 2604 North Thirty-third St. . . . ... .. Howard Kennedy., 1905
Frank Olsen, 3624 South Thirty-fourth St... Windsor ....... ..1904
Agnes Peterson, 1520 North, Thirty-third St Franklin . .......1898
Hans Petersen, 3193 Fowler Ave Monmouth Park,. ,1896
John Walter Reel, 2616 Woolworth Ave. High' ..... .' 1892
Alanson Root, 1021 South Thirtieth Ave. ......... Park .1904
Nathan H. Sherman, 3302 North Thirtieth St. ..... Howard Kennedy.. 1898
Edward Samuelaon, 211 North Thirtieth St Farnam
Eugene C. Sorensen, Thirty-sixth and Jayncs Sts. . Central
Emma Slevers, 1609 Burdette St... High . .
Florence M. Smith, 2915 Mason St. . . park . ,
Tressie Scribner, 823 South Twenty-third St. ...... . Mason ,
Mabel Seaver, 1116 North Twenty-second St ....... . Kellom
Leonard Stanley, 2115 North Twenty-sixth St. Long .,
James Slane, 621 South Seventeenth St
Anne H. Scbupp, 2424 South Twelfth St
Lorena Scott, 1710 North Twenty-eighth St...
Anna Trouba, 2916 Gold St
Clara Traurcki, 2518 South Twenty-fifth St...
Leonard Tharp, 1908 South Fourth St.......
Park
,;V.19M
.. . ,1902
........1893
.......1899
.......1896
.,....,.1904
. . . . . . .1895
... Leavenworth . , . ,.1901
. . St. Patrick, .... . .1896
. Long
. Dupont ......
. Im. Conception.
.Train
Gertrude Trenerry, 3519 North Twenty-eighth St
Anna Wolfsbauer, 3410 Canton St
Gustave Welst. 1910 Dorcas St. . .
Sa",reJ Heart. .
, St. Joseph
............ St. Joseph.
.1901
.1899
.1893
.1900
.1095
.......1901
.......1905
V ,'iv -V
y
ALBERT LAUX
27B7 South Ninth Street.
ANDREW LAUX.
Cupid Wins innCompled Mule
To the Editor oC The Bee Home Magaslne . when once they have plumped Into them
they 11 be convinced of the truth of his
In the Kealm of Childh ood
S t
l s LrJ .L2r5, WZtte:, i
tsii. PSSSalS - " 1 .. ! SSaJaaaas----sr
Page: Too bad that your correspondent of
Ash Creek Line is having such a time with
his frogs. (Ca-chool Bneeslng again; oh.
my!) He thinks it Is the weather that so
affects them. Perhaps. T aaked my father
(ca-choo!) what he thought was the trouble
and hs said hs guessed, they didn't have
poods that antics 'to a cool and comfy nap
or sweet repose. That may be. But
wouldnt't a little New Thought treatment
set things right? Ths Bachelor should
have a talk, with his frogs; ' tell them
that the ponds are cool, fresh and soothing'
b, so very soothing (soft pedal) that
argument and croak their testimonials
without stint Now, I can't guarantee the
treatment to work like a charm, but 1
think It's worth trying. And, too, Mr.
Editor, don't you think if ths Bachelor had
a few artificial frogs to us aa stool
pigeons It would help some?
Another thing has the cross-eyed mule
anything to do with the frogs not swim
ming? (Important queatlon) Does he drink
from the ponds or cavort round them, oc
casionally stopping to catch a glimpse of
his physiognomy and form superb in the
still waters? If so. It would be well to put
a stop to such doings, and then aee If the
frogs don't take a plunge.
A man who can walk off with tbe honors
of a fifty-yard foot race and a waltslng
contest ought to find a way to make frogs
swim.
Pappy (ca-choo!) and I hope his inven
tion to prevent hens scratching up gardens
will provs an excellent thing. By tbe way,
wouldn't something of that kind bo a good
appliance for the scratchy man or woman
who overdoes the thing? Hit upon that
Invention, Mr. Bachelor, and thousands will
rle up and call you blessed. ' ' .
I asked, my father (ca-chool) If frogs
should swim so as to be In condition for
ths market. He scratched his head and
said he thought so, but that maybs they'd
be all right If they weren't swimmers. Ths
thought cones to me that they'll probably
exercise their swimming muscles, anyway,
while in a somnolent or semi-conscious
state. They'll dream they are swimming
and well, they ars.
Juat keep that mule away from ths
ponds, practice soma New Thought treat
ment, and you'll get good results, Isaao,
Bmlllngly yours. A STAID MATRON.
The Foxy Dog and Baby Mine
I r .
r54fV 3l
Hon; from School
"Dogzy cuit Ztt txne.'
4ezzJihut baby,