19
The cee' trr jVjagci z, i rp
THE BEE s OMAHA, SATURDAY, JUNE 17, 1911
'til?
f Serious History in Comic Vein
"Sometimes a little dry spell la a rood
thing," Raid Show Me Smith, the eminent
compounder and oonfounder of history,
he glanced euggeaUvely at the nearest
cafe.
"It wi during a very dry spell, you
know, that they discovered the Erie canal,
a discovery that ranka second only tn Im
portance to the finding; of the Pacific
ocean.
"I thought maybe they might discover
something of the sort during the recent dry
ape.ll, but tha only thing t notlcej 'em dis
covering waa a chance to boost the price
of wine by taxing it BO cents a bottle. And
water so scarce, too. I've been helping
out by using as little of It as possible
water, I mean.
"It waa during Just such a dry spell that
the olty became alarmed and said "We'll
have to find a new bunch of water some
where. The ocean and the Hudson are that
dusty they have to be sprinkled.' Po they
advertised for volunteers to go out and
hunt water, and got a good many replies.
Among them was one from a sage In Jer
sey who guaranteed to find a new water
supply with the aid of a forked stick. That
appearing to be the most reasonable propo
sition, they took him up, and he spent a
month traveling all over the state, while
the town got drier and drier and all the
breweries were working overtime.
"After many hardships the explorer
landed on the banks of a fine stream that
flowed straight as an arrow in the general
direction of Broadway.
" 'At last!" he cried. I have discovered
the Erie canal. Mule, ho!' S
"The oanalboat ha had hailed stopped
and allowed him to get aboard. He found
It comfortably filled with Buffalo commut
ers who were on their way to lunch. It
would be served next Thursday, they In
formed him, and Invited him to stay.
" 'Can't stop now,' he says; I've got to
put tha governor wise to this.'
"Then he calls up Governor Clinton by
long distance, announces that the canal
r
Who's Who
The Confirmed Commuter frowned
heavily as he sorted the mall on the din
ing room table.
In all the Imposing layout there waa but
one bona fide letter the half dosen other
Communications being merely the pros
' pectuses of more or less fashionable sum
mer hotels.
Ills wife had sent for them, of course.
Bhe did every year, and from the many
catalogues of expensive discomfort se
lected each time a different place In which
to spend their vacation.
The place waa always different because
of hla Invariable refusal to return to the
former scene of unsavory food, high tem
perature, pungent waiters, buzzing mos
quitoes and porch gossips that buzzed
even more and left a more enduring sting.
For several days a revolution had been
brewing In his mind and the sight of those
hotel catalogues put a head on it.
1 . Hla wife came into the room Just then,
and he saw at one that tha alluring
half tone of decollete beauties on the
hotel piazza had accomplished their deadly
work.
Bhe had dressed for dinner. Her hair
fcas done in an unfamiliar and unbecoming
Way and she wore her society smile.
"Look here!" he said, as he laid an
' accusing finger on the catalogues, "I see
you're getting ready for another two
Week's misery at a summer hotel! If
It's the same to you I'd rather smash a
Window and get committed to the work
lioUHe for the same length of time. It
Would be a great deal less expensive and
lots more fun."
"I hate to spend the money myself," hla
wife admitted. "You see, I have to have
I j many gowns and change them two or
liuee times a day."
Tha Confirmed Commuter leaned for
ward eagerly.
"Let s have a cheap vacation!" he ex
tlaimed eagerly. "Let's go camping and
have a real good time for once. We can
to up tn the Adlrondacka for a week or
Iwo. Tou won't need any new clothes
and we can get a couple of cheap tents
tor about II or U I piece, afew cooking
Utensils and have nothing else to pay
but but for our railway fares."
"Oh, that will be great!" the Hopeful
Housewife exclaimed with sparkling en
thusiasm. "It's what, I've wanted to do
tor a long time! But are you sure it will
be cheap?" she asked, doubtfully.
"Cheap? Why the whole thing won't
cost us $50," her husband explained beam
ingly. "And you know two weeks at a
summer hotel always sets us back at least
1150. I'll tell you what you do. You go
to town and price the few things we want.
Of courae, we'll want a couple of guns
. and I need a new fishing rod, and while
you are about It you might find out the
railway fare and what It costs vo hire
good guide, for, old woodsman that I am,"
be added, boastfully, 'I don't believe 1
want to tackle the Adlrondacka alone for
the first time.''
Very joyfully the wife made out a list of
their simple wants, the Confirmed Coui
aiuter supplying figures aa to the probable
tost.
Every now ai.d then during the evening
they added ta the list, so that whsn che
started for town the next day It wa of
rather formlduUo .tmyth.
"Well, how's camp life?" he inquired
Jovially on his returu horn: the nect even
ing. "Did you brlnK the tents w.tn you
or have them -it?"
Suddenly he noticed that his wife's face
was as long as the lis: she bad taken to
town.
"It would be cheaper for ua to, go to
J
"DISCOVERED."
has been discovered, and Is now on Its way
to New York.
" 'Turn It Into the Hudson near Albany.'
says the governor, tha river's so dry It
needs Irrigating.'
"After a perilous trip. In which the com
muters were nearly shipwrecked once or
twice, owing to a change of mules, the
canalboat reached the watera of the Hud
son. It made the trip down to Broadway
without mule power.
"Broadway, being naturally auspicious, at
first accused them of bringing the canal
beat across the country on a flat car, but
the commuters produced a keg of water
taken -out of the canal near Buffalo, and
the doubters had to give tn. That's the
first time in history Broadway was Buffa
loedbut not the last.
"Several other kega were produced, too,
that day, but careful Inspection ahowed
that they did not contain sections of the
Erie canal."
(Copyright, im. by the N. T. Herald Co.)
in the Home
"THE ALLURING HALF TONES OF
DECOLLETTB BEAUTIES ON THE
HOTEL PIAZA HAD ACCOMPLISHED
THEIR DEADLY WORK."
Newport for the xeaBon than to camp two
weeks!" she said dolefully, v "Just litten
to this!" and she read off her woes and
price list: "
Two tents with rain shields .....) 36
One repeating rifle and cartridges 60
One ditto shotgun and shells 43
One six-ounce rod, tackle and flies...... 80
Kitchen utensils and canned koo-Js 16
Two khaki suits and one divided skirt... 84
Railroad fares and express charges 86
Oulde for two weeks 70
Ten feet rubber pipe 1
Dismal total SS68
"I supose we'll have to give It up." she
concluded.
"But what on earth do you want of ten
feet of rubber pipe?" Inquired the Con
firmed Camper as he studied the list.
"To put on the gas stove, you stily!'' an
swered the Hopeful Housewife in her usual
tone of finality.
(Copyright, 1911, by tha N. V. Herald Co.).
"Live as I Do" Bluff
J
The natural apan of human life la said to
be three acore years and ten, but the
peasants of Bulgaria, who live largely on
sour milk, reach a much greater age, and
Edison believes that he has discovered a
way of prolonging human life to 150 years.
He has decided to live that long himself,
and would no doubt be Interested tn the
account of a man of 106.
"Old Boppel." as he is called, lives at
Obermoschel, In the north of Prussia, and
enjoys excellent .health. The old man
takea hla dally walk, and la still able to
read and write. He is the oldest man In
Germany, ana can still remember the
march of the grand army through the
Palitlnate In the year 1813. He can still
eat and drink with the best. His advloa to
all those who want to live long la: "Live
as I do, eat and drink as I do, and then
you will grow as old as I do." That la to
say, eat and drink what you like; don't
bother about your digestion or anything
else, and you will live to be 100.
Ancient Maxims (or Modern Life.
Bread of deceit is sweet to a man; but
afterward hla mouth shall be filled with
gravel.
When children are young they tread on
your toes; when they are grown up they
tread on your heart.
What a pity It Is to see a proper gentle
man have such a crick In hla neck that he
cannot look backward!
Helping
A Hundrrd-Yrar
Celebration.
. 1 . ,
Prayer Isadtr Moraine;, Mires B,
111.
Our Heavenly Father we rejoice this day
that It la tur privilege to be In this house
of worship m this morning hour. We thank
Thee that Thou are ready to receive is and
to bless us according to Thy loving kind
ness and according to our needs. We come
thla morning rejoicing In our hearts be
cause of Thy singular goodness to us. Thy
people. We coma rejoicing In all life's
gifts, for all that Thou hast done for us, ,
and for; all the rich promises for our future
needs contained In the sacred scriptures.
We come giving Thee thanks for our homes
and for our loved ones, for all of life's op
portunities and privileges accorded to ua
by Thy grace. Our Father, we are learn
ing to bless Thee for the sunshine and the
bright day and equally to rejoice In the
darkness.
We thank Thee this morning that Thou
dost love us enough to chasten us when
we go astray; and we thank Thee that we
are worth ao much to Thee that Thou dust
discipline us for our good. We blees Thee
for all of the discipline that we have re
ceived; we rejoice this morning that our
cries snd murmurtngs didst not cause Thee
to cease Thy training of us. We thank
Thee, our Father, that Thou hast planned
better thlnga for us than we have our
aelvea. We bleaa Thee that Thy Ideals for
ua are ao much higher than our own. We
bless Thee that Thou wilt not let us fall
short of them. We pray Thee do not spare
ua, but bring ua Into that largeness of life
where we shall have liberty and power,
and where our lives, day by day, shall be
conformed to the Image of Him, tho Great
Lord of Lords and King of Kings, our
Savior, our Jesus-God.
We bless Thee for this church. We thank
Thee that Thou hast established an altar
where the penitent may draw nigh with
a broken spirit and with a contrite heart.
We thank Thee for a place where those
who serve Thee may confess and put away
all known sin. We bleaa Thee for sweet
fellowship In Jesus Christ. Ws bless Thee
for this assembly of the saints; for this
established church with Its appointed serv
ice; for the ministry of song; for the privi
lege of prayer; for the Holy Scriptures.
We come to Thee with hearts so full of
gratitude and so -full of worship that the
hour will scarce suffice to give expression
to cur hearts gratitude. We corns to Thes
ss sinners needing redemption by the blood
of the cross. We thank Thee for that
covenant made with the sons of men a
covenant Thou hast never abolished nor
will ever destroy, because It stands wit
nessed by the oath of God s unchangeable
word, that whosoever will may receive for
giveness of sins, and that whosoever shall
confess his sins shall be cleansed from all
unrighteousness.
We come thla morning forgive us our
sins forgive us where that self-life has
predominated forgive us this morning
we never tire of saying "forgive us." We
come believing In tha promise, whosoever
f , .
Loretta's Looking
No eavesdropper, you! You need no
architectural accessories to assist you in
listening. You are the girl who listen!
with one-third of your attention to ths
person who thinks he is talking to you
while you exercise an observant scrutiny
over half a dozen other conversations.
You catch enough of the talk across
the table to know that the two ladles there
are criticising the table decorations. Yo
snatch enough of the whispered conversa
tlon to your left to gather that ths youn
man Is trying to make his peaos with th.
pretty girl. You listen to ths general dis
cussion that Is supposed to be absorbing
the company; and you hear, too, the
asides and asserts of the man on you
right who has the duty of entertaining
you on hla ahoulders.
Your Interest In all the conversations
you are not supposed to hear Is an Im
pertinence. Your effort to absorb the at
tentlona of the man is a selfish deception.
You have so much confidence in your Cae
sarean ability to do seven things at once
that you think you can keep him from no
ticing that you are gathering general In
formation while he talks.
But It Is mistaken delusion. Indeed, 1
have an Inward persuasion that It's about
as much of a success as Caesar's own
multiplied effort. His biographers tell me
flattering story of him. But hs la read
and naturally well spoken of. No such
hallowing circumstances dignify your per
formance. The man sees his conversa
tional efforts falling on stony ground.
Hs realises that hla choice pearls of speech
are being tossed to a social swine who Is
rooting around In the remnants of gossip
and quarrel and scandal and personality
where she Is distinctly trespassing.
What possible advantage Is It to you
to antagonise him by offending hla pride?
Why provoke him by falling to reward
his efforts to do his duty as your escort?
What can it profit you to listen surrepti
tiously and learn how the quarrel between
Mamma
-;.. r
j - ' - ; m
Be. Jehn Matties, Vastor
First Baptist Charon. Omaha.
has sinned and shall confess this sin shall
be forgiven, and with that sweet promise,
we come just now, and plead for this for
giveness on the ground of Christ's suffer
ing on the cross, and on the ground of his
intercession this morning In the highest
heaven. We blaea Thee that Christ has
gone Into heaven; that He Is our high
priest, and that hs has carried up all the
experiences of Ufa and so this
morning ha Is fitted morally and Hs Is
fitted experimentally to be the high priest
of man.
Oh, we bless Thy name for that man
Christ Jesus on the throne of God. Ws
thank Thee that there Is help for every
time of need. We thank Thee that there
Is comfort for every sorrowing heart. Ws
thank Thee that there la strength for every
weakness and a promise for every prayer.
God bless us today, and with all our spir
its' moral force may we lay hold of Christ
aa our high priest; and the great promises
of the Word of God, and ths presence of
the holy spirit. So, ws coma this morning
in our worship to ask forgiveness of all our
sins and grace to help us In every time of
need.
Now, our Father,- help us this morning
to forget the cares of the world, and help
us to center our thoughts and our hearts
upon wllat we are about to do just now,
aa ws worship before Thee. Our Father
we want to ask that Thy grace will be
sufficient for those who are In trouble
for those who are perplexd for those
who have lost the way for those In whose
life ths spirit of light Is dylng-for those
over whom the world has thrown Its mys
tlo fascination for those who are In danger
of forgetting their vows to God for those
into whose- lives sin has crept, and for
those who turn their back on Christ and
have forsaken him and the house and the
word of God. We iray this n ot-ning, with
all the Intensity of our" souls, and all the
-arnestness ef which ws are cat-able, that
God will redeem his own people from sin
and Satan and brine them Into full fellow-
Glass - She Holds it Up to
tho young man and the pretty girl will
end? You have a possible romance of your
own right at your elbow. The hostess
has put you two, a single girt and an un
attached man, together. And you are such
an omnivorous absorber of the details of
other people's affairs that you neglect
your own.
If there are many girls possessed of
more aggravating ways than this promis
cuous listening habit of yours I have been
ncrcifully spared their acquaintance. I
vatch the man, and I know that he, too,
inda himself experiencing an Internal ebul
It Ion as you nod your; head now and then
lo him and your eyes and your ears con
inue In their semi-detachment, to hear the
r
Where the
Thousands of 1-cent pieces are lost each
year. Mots than 150,000,000 pennies are
coined annually by tha Philadelphia mint
and only a small percentage of them are
ever accounted for. They are swept up
with the rubbish of the streets.
When the new Lincoln pennies were first
plaoed In circulation thousands were used
as souvenirs, never again to be placed in
general circulation. Hundreds were gold
plated and slivered, to be used as cuff links
and stickpins. Then, at nearly all county
fairs there are machines that mutilate pen
nies they flaten the l-cent piece, and
stamp a view of the fair grounds on It
This does away with thousands of the
pieces.
Not long ago over 100.000 pennies were
shipped to Cuba and plaoed In circulation
among the poor class of natives. Pennies
are placed In circulation almost as fast a
they are coined, but very few of them are
"mass"
...p lUe j.u jenii-i ....... Ami
then, our Father, we shall have peace;
then we shall have power; then we shall
have the consciousness of Thy presence
upon us for all time.
What a thing it la to w.ilk In fellowship
with Thee! What a thing It Is to know
that all things work for our good! What
a thing It Is to konw that nothing ran de
feat us, but that we are Thy children
coming up through the iclssltudos of lite
and the temptations of evil, to our crown
and our kingdom. God help ua this morn
ing to know and understand the things
we are called upon to do by our relation
ship to the Lord Jesus Christ. May we
be strong men and women; may we
welcome each discipline. May we gird
ourselves to serve God with renewed heart
and a new purpose and may we stand out
in the world as God'a representatives hold
Ing forth the word of life by our Uvea ami
by our examples.
Ws pray this morning for all who come
to worship In this house. May they feel it
is their Father s house, the very Kate of
heaven and the place of prayer. May they
know this morning that the Spirit of the
Living God is here, and may He apeak to
each one of us. God bless us, as we wor
ship, one and all; and we would ask that
Thy strength be given to sur men who
stand In the busy marts to do business
on Christian principles; that they may have
the faith and courage to live right. And
upon our young men and women, upon our
qhildren In tha home and In the church.
God bless these young boys and girls, may
they glvs their hearts to the church of the
Living God.
Now we pray for the sick of our con
gregation. We pray for those who have
sought our help this last week In divers
ways.' And, oh, how many heavy hearted
people there are Is this world, and some of
them In our own homes and ws do not
know It who need Thy grace and Thy
help. God bless each one of us. We pray
that our ylen - may take the lead In the
church and that they may Invest their time
and money In this church of ours. We pray
that the friends of this church may become
members of this church and pour into It
the resources of their lives. God bless thorn
we thank Thee for their help and the
friendship they have for the church.
May Thy blessing be upon this land of
ours, the officers and those In authority;
upon this state, and upon all may Thy
blessing reach and Thy blessing fall this
morning who worship God in every land,
In every clime around the wide, wide
world, and may Thy spirit this morning
speak a message, and may we worship and
be accepted and our hearts be lifted up
today. And may we not ask that this hour
soma men and women shall make the de
cision to confess Jesus Christ as their Lord
and Master, to receive the forgiveness of
their sins and Identify themselves with the
church of the Living God?
Ws offer our praise and ask of our peti
tions thla simple faith In the name of
Christ Jesus our Lord. Amen.
.
the Listening Girl
J
other conversations and still keep a kind
of working knowledge of bis. The long
process of ths Courses measures a pen
ance period for him. He ferments Inside
and gradually grows grouchy outside. Oil
the anticipation with which he may have
contemplated a seat next to you Is killed
In the inflammation of his lmpatlenoe
which your listening his Ignited.
Can you think of a more completely suc
cessful back-handed blow to a man's dis
position to be agreeable? The complex na
ture of the Inattention you have given him
defies description. But the definition of
the one who administers the perfectly un
necessary punishment Is easy. She is a
goose!
Pennies Go
J
ever heard of again. The American copper
cent runs a close second to the pin, of
which hundreds of millions are lost every
year.
Gatefuir Certainly I
"How does Smlthers feel about that
chauffeur who ran off with his car and
daughter?" asked Wilkes.
"He's mighty grateful," said Bildad. "He
says the poor idiot relieved him of two of
his most expensive possessions." Harper s
Weekly.
freight (ran the Heart.
"Lo d, Miss Ma y." said the uarky to
the young lady of the house, the morning
after her coming-out ball, "you .ho' did
look sweet las' night. My! I hardly knowed
you. Dey wa.n' a thing about you dat
looked natchel."
Trn.7 Tmri PtPbOtO OPtSS
The BEES Junior
L
SELMA JERPE,
SATURDAY,
Name and Address.
Ella Borgeson, 3217 Burt St.
Grace A. Bax, 3463 Miami St.
Louis J. Baudorff, 3601 Leavenworth St
Helen Brannan, 1738 South Seventeenth St....
Agnes C. Coffey, 2111 Lariuiore Ave
Edward D. Coons, 546 South Twenty-sixth St..
Mary M. Cain, 1917 Grace St
George Cassell, 2912 Lake St
Nuncla CaUnla, 815 North Eighteenth 8t
June Col ton. 2113 Douglas St
Frank W. Chrlstensen, Thirty-ninth and Wright St.
Paul R. Flesher, 915 North Twenty-second St
Muriel Gibson, 5714 North Twenty-fourth St
Irene Gibson, 2112 Cass St
Feme Galloway, 566 South Twenty-eighth St
Gertrude Geeock, 1421 Cass St
Vernon J. Home, 1910 North Thirty-fourth St
Jennie Isaacson, 920 North Twenty-fourth 8t
George Dewey Jelen, 1726 South Fifteenth St
Belma Jerpe, 1825 Spencer St
Gottholdine Jensen, 8712 Webster Ave i..
Lucille Jackson, 1416 Leavenworth St
Charles Kuncl, 1902 South Sixteenth St
Rosle Kyral, 308 Hickory St
Frank Knlcky, 1211 South Second St...'
Mildred McGrath, 8374 South Seventeenth St
Willard M. Messick, 1535 South Twenty-eighth St. .
William Norris, 2908 South Seventeenth St
Franzle D. Rainer, 136 North Fortieth St
Charlotte Reynolds, 2137 South Thirty-fourth St...
Ralph O. Smith, 2307 South Thirty-second Ave
Harvey J. Tonge, 809 Pacific St
Harold Talmage, 2 025 North Nineteenth St
Harriet R. Warren, 416 South Twenty-eighth St....
Helen Woodbridge, 214 Capitol Ave
Margaret Weyerman, 1016 South Twenty-seventh St.
Louise Wagner, 1023 Mason St
Margaret Weigel, 423 North Thirty-third
SnTTIP. Sllhnnpf.fpa nf tIO
BY BOBBIE BABBLE
Where did she corns from? Whither will
she go?
This old musician of the surging street;
Who In tho sunlight wanders, bent and
slow,
Filling the air with music, faint and
sweet.
Now 'tis a Mozart melody ahe playa.
An oldtlme dance, a song that's like a
melodies of bygone days
Surge on the strings and fill the sum
mer air. '
And now and then, tn cracked and quaver
ing tones.
Her old voice joins the muslo of the
strings.
Weird minor strains and cadences un
known Are In the fragments of the songs she
sings
Marta's sad plaint about a final rose, 1
Then "8'wanee River," bits of "Home
Sweet Home,"
The song that every longing exile knows,
No matter where his wandering foot
" steps roam.
A touch of Inspiration now and then
Flames in her old and sorrow laden eyes
Above the ancient fiddle. Then again
The bow hand gains Its youthful power
and plies
With freshened vigor, and the strain
- swells out,
Throbbing with passionate life and ec
stasy. Age Is forgotten! Hope has vanquished
doubt.
And love sings out Its noblest melody!
'Tls the same fire that flamed In times
long past.
When Lucca or when Lucatelll played.
'Tls the same muse that Uvea In her that
cast
Interesting Observations
Most modern languages are interesting,
but base ball language Is especially so.
There are two sides to everything except
the lawsuit In which you happen to be en
gaged. '
Some people seem to think that they earn
all the good in the world by merely con
senting to live In It.
Two robins and a cheerful disposition
have been known to labor hard to make
spring peep above the horison.
Why is It?
tinf FHl5
MOUf
o
BiptMayBook
This is fhe
Day We
Celebrate
1825 Spencer Street.
June 17, 1911.
School. Yer
Webster 1899
Howard Kennedy. .1901
Columbia 1900
St. Joseph 1905
Sacred Heart ... .1900
Farnam -....1897
Lake i ...1895
High 1894
Cabs 1 9 0 5
Central ......... 1903
Windsor .. 1901
Kellom ....1902
Miller Park ......1902
Central ..,1900
Farnam 1900
High ......... . ..1895
Franklin 1898
Kellom 1897
Comenlus -..1898
Lothrop 1897
Central Park 1894
Leavenworth ..-,.1899
Caatellar ......... 1904
Train 1900
Train , . ...1897
Vinton ,....1905
Prk 1902
St Joseph MM ...1903
Saunders ........ 1898
Windsor 1897
Windsor ..1904
Pacific 1894
Lake 1900
Farnam ,..1899
High 1892
High 1896
Pacific . . 1900
Webster ........1896
St
SUfJoTirrillr trjr School
' Manna in Town.
A glamor over Sacchl's bow and made
Maeetro Moaart praise her, but, alas!
No great musician praises this poor
strain,
Now faint again. The passionate moments
pass,
The singer falters, old and full of pain.
Poor old musician of the city street,
Vnhearlded, unlaurelled and unsung,
Who knows from what despair your musle
sweet
On this old Instrument of yours Is wrung!
No more It speaks the passion of your
youth,
No longings of an idea muae are aali,
For you tha little fiddle apeaka the truth
The desperate cry for shelter and for
bread!
(Copyright. 181L by the N. T. Herald Co.)
c
Stealing Pat's Business
J
George Ade, at a luncheon tn Chicago,
paid a gallant compliment to a well known
actress.
The actress wore a harem skirt of ths
new (lame color, and Mr. Ade said to her:
"It la pretty. And what an odd color it
la! Tell me the name of the color."
"Flamme de Veeuve flame of Vesuvius."
the actress answered.
"Be pabers," aald Mr. Ade, "ye make a.
vurry purty crathur!"
FOULS. LIKE',; TUl&l