TIIB BEE:
6, 1911.
11
azine
e
i
V
T
! -
)
f Serious History in Comic Vein
Mark 6t Lafayette
(Xmpi TUck.
r
"Speaking of the ability of well known
persona like Mr. James Jeffries and other
fighting Individuals to come back." Raid
Show-Me Smith as he prepared to take an
other Wrangle hold on history. "I find that
Mark de Lafayette, one of our most cele
brated little fighters, cam back right here
In New York a number of years after hi
taut fight.
"They made a great fuss over him, to;
pretty nearly turned the town Inside out
tod before be had got through he had
kissed more women and babies than a dis
trict leader In a big campaign. Bpry old
ladies are sjtlll coming to the front with
the story of how they were kissed by Mark
when he came back at that time, lie must
have broken Hobeon's record Into a mil
lion pieces.
"Mark did not come from Lafayette, Ind.,
as la 'popularly su posed.
"We're got to hand It to Indiana for
giving us all our real American authors,
poets and statesmen, but Lafayette, Ind.,
did not produce de Lafayette and I can
prove It. He merely took a friendly in
terest in the ton. Indiana's always claim
tag Something, no matter whether It's the
purest English or the highest democratic
' majority. . -
"He began life on the other side as a
marquis. . That s why his friends and ad
- mirers called him Mark.
"As a fighter Mark was second to none
on this side, so when he came back the
4wn didn't forget him. They landed him
at the Battery and the customs Inspectors
greeted him cordially.
-".'Have you anything to declarer they
asked.
." "Only- a ' few principles like Uberty,
Equality and Fraternity,' said Mark.
-" 'Old stuff,' said the Inspectors. "Lib
erty sail on the free list, but don't know
whether' they have revised Equality and
Fraternity downward under the new tariff
or nob However, bring 'em in.'
C. 'Then the reception .committee called a
taxi and metered him over to the nearest
subway, station.
- ".'Hew time has .changed!' exclaimed
Lafayette as he supped out.
V'l'es, time in a taxi Is all change,' said
,.the chairman of the committee, and hust
led Mark Into the subway amid cheers.
"Once In the subway Jam the. marquis
was. for, drawing his trusty sword and
running the guard through.
'"He clapped roe on the shoulder,' de
clared the marquis Indignantly.
. " 'No, don't kill him unless he caves In
your i ribs,' said the chairman. 'Besides,
you. haven't the time now. Step lively!
,, -"They shoved Mark In between -a fat
"EQUALITY AND FRATERNITY WITH
OUT LIBERTY." v.
man and a plumber's helper and bade him
welcome to our city.
" Mon Do!' gasped Mark. It is now
that I understand. In New York you hitch
Liberty outside and you get all the Equal
ity and Fraternity you want in the sub
way." "
(Copyright. 1911. by the N. Y. Herald Co.).
r
V
Oklahoma Obituary
George Cadue (pronounred Kedgeh), has
passed to the happy hunting grounds and
was burled last week on the reservation
west of town, says the Horton (Okl.) Com
mercial. George was an ornery Indian on
general principles.
In fact, there were few on the reserva
tion' as mean and worthless as 'George. He
was a young man. but had been married
four times. It Is safe to say that be drank
more different kinds of patent medicine
when be couldn't get boose that any other
Indian on the reservation. He was a big
husky fellow, and . a scrapper. . He looked
like he might live fifty years yet, but
pneumonia grabbed him In the prime of
life. When pneumonia gets hold of an In
dian It's goodby. Over seventy years ago a
Frenchman named Cadue married Klcka
poo squaw. Paul Cadue, father of George,
was a son. Paul Cadue is still living on the
reservation, and has the reputation of
being the squarest and most thrifty Indian-
of Ills tribe. George got Into the way
of the white man early. In life, and was a
dissolute character. He leaves children by
about three different wives. .
l'T j
toiDjrtG il) I
Loretta's Looking Glass-She Holds it Up to Bachelor 'a Affinity
She Is a woman, of course. And the
bachelor gets all colors and exercises a
florid choice of words which would . make
women generally feel the utility of lynch
law when he talks about her.
'These women who don't Include their
husbands In the cast of their social per
formances give me the crescendo variety of
fatigue. Look at Will Blank's wife. One
woman like that scares more men away
from matrimony than a doxen others can
rope Into k. She Just treats him as wait
ing- gentleman and principal stage hand
in her life. He can officiate as background
nd support. She Is eternally and Infernally
the front end the spotlight." " '
"Bhe's a very brilliant snd a beautiful
woman." I said. Implying that she needed
snore support and background that she did
actual asststahrt In her social career.
"Yes. But why. In the name of common
sense, does she not make all that serve his
Interests?" he almost shouted.
-Maybe she' thinks that a woman has
Tight to her career as well as a man." I
Slid, for lark of anything else to venture.
The bachelor fairly roared.
"A career of her own. Mighty Manners.
Has he a career of his own? Ones he work
like a nailer at a law practice for fun,
when he's madly In Jove with dabbling in
chemicals? Who does be do It for? It's
for her. for the home he shares with her.
She. has no more right to a career of her
own than he has. You want her to have a
career of her own and him to furnish the
money. You want her to shove him Into
the Umbo Just to be dragged out to sign
checka You approve of his being disre
garded ilke a poor relation. You heard her
say that he never would go about with
her. Well, I guess not. He likes a vaca
tion, he likes his recreation among men
and with nature, not among bowlegged
chairs and ladylike gentlemen."
The bachelor was still for one ominous
moment.
"I met her abroad last summer. She was
trailing around allowing herself to be pat
ronised like our women do who go over
there with their 'ambitions' and thetr
beauty and their fool husbands' money.
"She was sitting on the veranda of the
hotel, her high-heeled slippers well ar
ranged to give a view of what , went with
an'd shove them; snd she was Indulging In
ready made rhapsodies about the scenery.
And her unsympathetic husband was canoe
ing in America, flinging himself daily Into
the cool, calm embrace of the nature that
he understood better than he did his pin
head wife. He's like a lot of, other men.
He's got more simon-pure Idealism In a
minute than his wife ever will know exists.
"And he can't believe that she is a shal
low and self-seeking woman, as she really
Is. She looks so beautiful well, he cannot
make himself entertain the idea that 'she Is
she Is she Is excuse ne, but I'm going
Tabloid History of the Presidents
William McKlnley, twenty-fourth presi
dent of the t'nlted States, was born In
Nile. O., on January S, 1-43. and died at
Buffalo. N. T . at the hands of an aa.iassln
on September 14. 191.
While pursuing his college course at Al
leghany college. In Meadvllle, I'a . he was
forced by IMnrts to attandon It. During the
civil war he enlistei as a private In Com
pany E of the T .-nty-tliirrt Ohio o. nteer
Infantry. He participated in teveral cam
paigns and When mastered out. on July JS,
pfeu, he was acting assistant adjutant gen
xd. w tne staff of tj-neral Carroll.
Two years laitr he uaa admitted to the
bar In his native state, and after practic
ing law elected to congree In 177.
t '
"SAFE R1SK.V
tnuiAttreKmm?
lis became famous as an orator and aa an
advocate of protection. The bill for protec
tion which bears his name was passed by
the bouse on May Z7, 1S0, by the senate on
September 1L and became a law In Octo
ber of that year.
It won for Its sponsor an International
reputation and eventually won him the
presidency, to which he was elected In 136
by a plurality of 01.8.'-4 over W. J. Bryaa.
The most Important event of his first ad
ministration waa the Spanish-American
war.
Re-nominated and re-elected, again de
feating W. J. Bryan, his second adminis
tration, with Thedore Roosevelt as vice
president, began March 4, 1ML On Sep
tember ( of that year, while attending the
Buffalo exposition, be was shot by aa ai
arch 1st and died on September 14.
to ssy It A long, slimy slur on the name
of womanhood. It's a tragedy. I have no
aspirations to play stage hand In one like
it. That's another reason why I do not
marry."
f Nubs of Knowledge
Germany
trolley.
has a canal boat operated by
Direct steamship service between Great
Britain and the West Indies Is arranged.
Wheat was grown In China centuries be
fore Columbus discovered America,
' The repair and removal of Instruments
costs the New York Telephone company
16.000,000 a year.
A spoon which -permits the. most care
less persons to sip soup noiselessly has
been Invented.
There are 2.248 Industrial railroads In tn
country, most of which are operated .i
connection with Industrial plants and do
not accept outside business. -
r
Polyglot Proverbs
The ripest fruit first falls.
Cutllvsted ground has few weeds.
A shut mouth keeps one out of strife.
Hedges have no eyes, but they have ears.
Fancy requires much, necessity but little.
Anger
love.
breeds. . hatred, concord sweetens
' A willing helper does, not wait until he Is
asked.
Necessity seeks bread where It Is to be
found.
Smooth runs the water where the brook
Is deep. v
S. CD, ho socn Vm with 5av, fustz., i'm ptAcrrirouJ
Aurrrtt BufiLtSQvc. ' I Mawtw" Tk.k RtAOTiroL.t I
MtfoT ' OH' Bool fk
a
1 Mjo A DECENT 1 A SLAVE. ,
M4MX a
f , J tO IS , THEY OonT Ku VTKKM S
J-f V-'V cohk -sepoys itm r 7
amy otfCTiMrl. "
j
TtlCi DEC'S
JUNIOR BIRTHHAV Knnvf'
This is fhe Day We Celebrate
S :
t2J
TUESDAY,
June 6, 1911.
Yw.
. ..18T
..101
..1101
. ,1111
..iei
Name and Addrens. rnliool.
June L. Agner, 4025 Charles St.... Walnut Hill
August Burden, 4608 North Twenty-second St Saratoga ..
Marie Bauman. 611 Pierce Sti Train
Samuel Blalac. 1317 Pacific St Pacific
Leon Bessire, 414 North Thirty-ninth St Saundera ..
Daniel W. Carr, 2117 Douglas St Central .1101
Frank Campbell, 201 South Thirty-fourth St. . Farnam . . 1IM
Charlie Cumingg, 2219 Grace St Kellom ....1904
Francis Caughlin, 6123 North Seventeenth St Sherman ....... .1908
Margaret Craig, 6216 North Twenty-fourth 8t. Saratoga ,.l90
Co'ncetta Camplsl. 1313 Pacific St Pacific 1994
Edward Chllds. South Omaha High .............. lit!
Walter T. Edwarda, 1645 North Nineteenth St. ..... Kellom . 1891
Marie Evers, 2204 Charles St..,...: Kellom ..1II8
J. Carl Evans, 1610 North Twenty-seventh 8t High ... 1894
Frank Frahm, 4503 Leavenworth St Deals ........... 18 96
Wallace Fellers, 4107 Lafayette Ave High ..1I9J
Pauline Griffith, 2716 Chicago St..... High 1891
Dorothy P. Heaton, 3607 Hamilton St..... Franklin 1196
Arthur Hermansen, 1402 Boulevard Ave Edw. Rose water. -.1 90S
Murilla Hanks, 2010 Franklin St Long .1894
Irene Howes, 3625 California St.. Saunders ........1897
Gretchea Heine, 1611 Lake St...: Lake... 1908
Ingelorg Jensen, 2616 South Forty-second St Beals 1898
Ethel Jamea, 1415 South Fifth St..... Train 1901
Barton H. Kuhns, 212 4 Davenport St.. Central ..1901
Vernon J. Kelley, 6402 Jaynes St Central Park 1908
John Kroupa, 1217 South Fourth St ....Train .....1898
Frank Kubat, 405 Pierce St Pacific 1898
Will Kasper, 2121 Clarke St Kellom 1908
Helen Lund, 619 North Fortieth St Saunders ......1901
Florence L. Marrensen, 3117 Decatur St Franklin ...1894
Edward Maisenbacher, 1501 Blnney St. ......... Lothrop ........1900
John Moore, Forty-sixth and California Sts... Saunders 1894
Katberine Newbart, 2444 South Nineteenth St. ....St. Joseph.. 1901
Catlleen O'Neil. 2542 Capitol Ave. Central ......... .1819
Frances Plskac, 2327 South Nineteenth St Castellar 1901
George W. Perrln. 8220 Burt St Webster ...1908
Harold Palmer. 4174 Cass St....' .Saunders ...1903
Ruth Peterson, 1546 South Twenty-eighth St..... Park .......188
Nellie A. Rasch, 8002 Sprague St Druid Hill 1901
Ralph Rlby, 2806 South Thirty-third St.. High ...1894
Lena Racusln, 904 North Sixteenth St ...Cass 1903
Nettle Ramsey, 2420 Patrick Ave... Long 1908
Earl Rentfrow, 2418 Saratoga St ...Saratoga 1902
Louise Roma, 1821 Mason St..,.' Leavenworth 1900
Helen Stenlcka, 1412 South Thirteenth St. ...... Comenlus 1901
Margareth Sorensen, 4422 Pierce St.. Beals 1904
Annie Siegel, 1707 North Twenty-fourth St Long 1899
Maud E. Steep, 4203 Burdette St .....Clifton Hill 1901
Franklin M. Schutt, 3407 Ersklne St Franklin 1908
Philip Sherman, 2056 North Nineteenth St. ...... Lake 1891
Mabelle Short, 1701 South Eleventh St Lincoln 1891
Pearl Sherman, 2065 North Nineteenth St. ...... Lake 1908
Vernon R. Smith, 8412 Boyd St Monmouth Park...l908
Helen Shofe, 110? South Twenty-second St.i.
Joseph J. Schmidt, 2414 Sonth Eighteenth St.
Gean Travis, 3317 Franklin St
George Henry Tbacker, 4340 Lake St. ......
Ruth M. Taylor. 4204 Charlea St
. . . Mason
, ... St. Joseph. . .
. . . Franklin . . .
...Clifton Hill.
...Walnut Hill.
Alma Thomas, 2710 South Twentieth St... St Patrick
Helen B. Toy, 1815 Manderson St ....'.Lothrop ..
Hattle L. Thorp, 2020 Valley St..... ...Vinton ...
J. Walter Woerner, 2052 Pratt St Druid Hill.
Warren G. Wentzler, Millard Hotel Cass
Stanley F. Welna, 1916 South Twenty-seventh St..Dupont ...
Nettie Wakenight, Forty-second and D Sts Windsor ..
Chauncey J. Wilson, 3304 Meredith Ave Monmouth
1904
1904
1897
1904
1898
.....1908
1899
.....1898
1944
1894
1900
1898
Park. ..1899
Gerald Wilson, 1931 South Thirteenth St.. ....... Lincoln 1899
r
Vat
Hints to the Marrying Man
Young man, if you are going to marry,
remember that In this world you cannot
very well marry an angel. And bear In
mind that no woman, be she ever so
charming. Is without faults.
Don't expect that life will be all sun
shine. Prepare yourself for northeasters,
and thunder-temptests, and considerable
of 'uncertain dog-days kind of weather.
Nobody can exactly explain to the satis
faction of the majority of the people, why
It would not have been just as well for
folks to have been happy In this world
as for them to be unhappy.
But It was so arranged, and we cannot
help It, and we might aa well accept things
as they, are without grumbling. All the
fretting that you could do in an ordinary
lifetime would not change It a particle.
When you go a-courttng Mary Jans, go
sbout It with courage, and as if you were
not ashamed of It. Don't sneak into the
house after dark by a back path, as If
you wanted to steal something. Don't
avoid the "old man" aa If he were a walk
ing pestilence. Talk to him In his opinions,
If you don't want him to "sit down" on
you In the beginning.
Don't argue with Mary Jane. Doift say
anything to her abou) how you will toss
things around when you are married, for
you will never be able to do It. as you will
find out when the time comes, and she will
be apt to twit you of It.
Don't get the enmity of the cat and dog
Keep the little brothers and sisters In good
humor with you If you can. Fifty cents'
worth of candy, If Judiciously applied,
will give a roan a very advantageous foot
ing in a family where there are children.
Don't go Into tantrums If Mary Jane
looks at the other fellow. You never gain
anything with a girl by showing temper.
Female l)uman nature Is perverse, and
what you think Is going to "fetch her"
sure will onlv make her more Indifferent.
Don't preterio. to be what you are not.
If your father peddled soap-grtae for a
living, don't tti' 1e, that he waa a mer
chant. If your tTnJ mother ever sus
pected of cheating a tin peddler, you had
better tell' Mary Jane the particulars, or
she will hear the story from all the kind
hearted, well-meaning neighbors, who feel
that she ought to be told, and shs will lay
It up against you.
Don't promise to keep a hired girl and a
coachman for her, unless you can do It
Don't tell her that you pever expect her
to lift her hands to work unless you mean
It. Don't promise that her mother shall
live with you unless you have an attach
ment for mot hers-In-law.
Don't spend all the money you have In
hiring autos and ioe cream, because you
will need It more by-and-by, to buy beans
and pork and eornmeal.
Don't marry In debt. Be Just before yoa
are generous; and don't take a wife unless
you can support her. And don't tie any
girl up to wait for you until you can make'
your fortune, and thereby keep her from
marrying some other man who can maks
her Just as happy. A girl engaged for
three or four years Is neither one thing Dor
another, and tea enjoyment saa caa got eU
of life you can put in your eye.' and It
will not Injure your sense of vision a par.
tlole.
Don't expect too much of a woman, who,
like yourself. Is mortal. Don't sne for a
divorce the first time nor the second time
she disagrees with you, but bear with pa
tlence endure all things hope for all
things, and by the time you have lived wtth
your wife forty "years, you will havw
learned that she Is as good aa the average.
And you will mourn her when she dies,
even though you marry another woman
six months afterward, because you are so
lonely and the children need a mother!
Philadelphia Inquirer,
The Longest Word
"What ts the longest word In the English
language?" asked Uncle Tom.
"Valetudinarianism, I suppose," replies!
Jamea, who had taken a" prise In spelling.
"No," spoke up Buale; "it's 'smiles.' be
cause there la a whole mile between the
first and last letters.
"I know one," said Jack, "that has ever
three miles between lis first and last let
ters." "What word la thatr asked Uncle Tom.
"Beleaguered." cried Jack triumphantly.
"I know one," said PhlMp, "that la longer
than that. Transcontinental has a whole
continent between Its beginning and end
Ing." " 'Interoceanlc' beats them all." sx
clalmed Klsie, "for It contains an acean,
and an ocean is larger than any conti
nent." IJpplncott's.
In New York during the first three
months of the present year 434 persons were
arrested for spitting In publle places.
WRAPPED UP IK HIS
BUSINESS.
3k