MUM r TIIE BEE: OMAHA, SATURDAY. MAY 27, lDir. 19 e ) i I t 1 V I 1 I Serious History in' Comic Vein "If the Hessians Introduced the nohir lm of pinochle into America, b I wss telling you the other day." said Phow-Mc Smith, plain and fancy historian, you've ot to give It to the Dutch fur organizing the first bowling team and starting a string of alleys from Third avenue to the tiarbary coast. "As near aa t can make it out. the first bowling alley In little old New York wss down around the Rettery In a place called Bowline Oreen. All the ten strikes these days are made a few blocks further up Broadway, at a place called Wall treet. , "Well, the first alley was run at on time by a Dutchman named Pete. Tete had a wooden leg. and I suppose they called him One Pin Pete. From what I hear tail of him, though, they must have called him that mostly when he wasn't looking, for I'ete ran the alleyi and the rest of the town hlmw-lf. "All the town meetings were held In Pete's alleys and at conventions Pete let the rest if the crowd bowl while he fixed up the slate. He waa elecu-d hend con jrtabje so often the Bowling; Cluh forgit to keep track of the number of times. 'Tete was lewder In his own district, which was up In the Bowery somewhere, and all the chowder parties always went down to Pete's howllnic alleys. They were afraid not to. for I'eto had a fierce tem per. He wan captain of his team and he didn't believe the team lived that could beat 'em. "Pete's team taught the Injuns to bowl and then won everything- they had. Includ ing Wllllambsurg and parts of Flatbush. 'one of the Harlem clubs could beat 'em and Pete had It all his own way until one 4y an English team shows up at th alleys and challenged nil comers for the Championship of Manhattan. "Feter Is tickled to death at the chance of showing up the chesty Invaders and ar ranges a fine tournament with the whole town out to look' on. ', "After they had bowled a few frames and the Englishmen appeared to be having the, beat of It, Peter grows suspicious, says the pin boy la careless and allows that he'll set up the pins himself in order to avoid trouble. to Peter proceeds to set Loretta's Looking Glass-Held Up to Girl It was after church on Easter Sunday. The girl in the winter hat had sat right in front of us. And us waa myself and a man. I bowed as we all 'started out of the edifice. And the man asked with soma eagerness: "Do you know herT" "I don't make a habit of speaking to peo ple I do not know," I answered, wondering at his enthusiasm; He kept watching the girl while a perfect procession of pleased faces under new Easter hats moved unnoticed all around him. "Now, why were you so Interested In that girl in the old hat?" t asked when he had watched her out of sight. "As a delight to the eye she could not compare with a num ber of others." Do you know, the man turned on me with a gentlemanly ferocity! "It's a pity girls never can get over the notion that all men like to be pleased through tbelr eyes or their stomachs!" "Perhaps I am like the other girls. And, If there Is another route to a man's heart, I should be glad to have It mapped out!" I snapped cynically. "It's through a man's brain!" he as f Who's Who VHow's the garden?" Inquired the Con firmed Commuter as he entered his sub urban home. The Hopeful Housewife smiled rather wearily. For several weeks a fury of plant ing had possessed her and In every avail able corner of the broken ground of their yard, slips, bulbs and newly risen seed lings bore testimony to her horticultural eaL But something evidently had pricked the balloon of her hopea "I don't believe I can work In the gar den any more." she said dejectedly. "What's the use of having Towers if you have to look at them behind a net? Just see my face and arms. They don t have mosquito out here! All the natives are quite right when they tell you so! They have flying prehistoric mammoths! When I saw the herd that attacked me when I went out to water the rose bushes I won dered the collie, didn't try to round them up! Why, the very smallest were as big as sheep!" "Nonsense!" exclaimed the Confirmed Commuter with noticeable emphasis. "You've been reading too many cold stor age Jokes! The mosquito Is a perfectly harmless Insect uule.-s it Is attacked, or thinks It Is about to be attacked. Like the bee, the hornet or the wasp. It attend strictly to its own business If let alone." "That's ail very well as a theory," re Joined the Hopeful Housewife, "but what Is the mosquito's business except to bite people? besides I've been bitten! I went ut to water the flowers after the sun went down, but they drove me Into the house in five minutes. My face is a sight. I bad heard about the swiftness of Jersey Justice and Jersey lightning before we moved Iowa here, but ths Jersey mosquito travels taster than light. I believe that Is a treak of lightning and one of those mos tuttos in our yard started for the same person at the same time, the person would have ample time to scratch himself before he died!" "Oh, come now!" protested the Confirmed Commuter mildly. "A mosquito Is an ex teptional thing down here. All the oldest Inhabitants sy so." "Of course they say so," bis wife scorn fully rejoined. "Don't they all own prop trty around here and don't many of thera want to sell? But I met one of the neigh bor today and he told me he was going to move. He seemed so pleased; I aeked shy, and be said: Because it's the hottest tlace on earth In summer and there are l million mosqullos to the square Inch!' " XJb. veil, h had a grouch, I suppose." Urtt Howling Tournament. "HIS TEN STRIKE." up the pins, planting his wooden toe firmly In front of the first pin lust as the rap tain of the English team starts to bowl. The captain is a little near sighted and. S'luinting down the alley at Pete's wooden ltg. he lets fly. "When they plrked Peter out from among the ten pins his Putch wan up to 212 de grees, but the English captain said: " 'Another strike. We win.' " 'Strike nothing!' roared Peter. "That was my wooden leg.' " 'My word, was U7" said the english man. 'I thought It was a pin. Well, my good fellow, then it was a pin on you. You lose.' "And Pete" did." (Copyright, 1M1. by the N. T. Herald Co.) The One-"Galloa" Country. A northerner asked a Cracker If he thought he could get a new pair of sus penders at the ferry store. After he had ridden on, the half-grown son of the tracker asked. "Pap, what's themT" "I reckon they be galluses," was the reply. . "But. Pap, what's he a-goin' for to git a par fur? P'ye reck'n he's got two par o' brlches?" Mpplncott. serted. ' - - And, possessed with that spirit of doubt which comes to all women and stays with some I demanded to be shown what he meant. ... "I'll bet that girl had an Easter hat at home; but she had too much principle to wear it. She didn't want to be one to re duce a day that ought to have another meaning to a mere vanity carp use!" he orated. "Suppose she had no other hat. I reckon she had" "She had courage enough to come In the old one, then! Lots of girls would have stayed at home!" Remembering a violent fit In which I had seen a girl late the night before because her milliner had not sent the promised hat, I said nothing. "You see, It's up to the girls to decide how they want men to regard them. The man who has some Ideals and has to work knows that It takes money to live, and it takes nerve to make the money In the right wsy. If he Is a fool he marries one of the girls who spends most of her time and all the cash she can get In making a. stylish in the Home returned her husband easily. "What I tell you about mosquitos is absolutely true! Pay no attention to them! Oo about your work a If they didn't exist and they'll return the compliment they won't know you're alive! Just try it tomorrow!" "But my flowers need watering tonight!" protested his wife plaintively. "And I'm afraid to go out! I simply can't do It! Why, I believe I'd cry if I got one more mosquito bite!" The Confirmed Commuter, touched by her doleful demeanor, fell plump into the snare. "All right," he said. "I'll water 'em for you and at the same time I'll prove my theory about mosquito that Is, If there are any." Right valiantly he strode from the house into the garden, and his wife from the carefully screened porch gleefully observed his toll. He was compelled to carry water, pail at a time, from the kitchen sink to the flower bed a And on each trip a buzzing, swarm ing halo of mosqullos encircled him. He smote his head, his face and the back of his neck, but to no purpose. At the end of five minutes he stopped work and lighted a cigarette. He puffed furiously, blowing the smoke here and there. Suddenly he threw down the watering can and ran towards the house. HU wife opened the door hastily. "Get the arnica, or the witch hazel, or the whisky anything you have!" he gasped. "I've been stung!" tCopyngnt. liU. by the N. T. Herald Co.) m LITTIMBIMON mU HE WEEK srser Llbe delations, v: 19 "For ye b called for freedom: only use rot vpiir frp.1om for an ocraBion to the flesh hut through love be ernnts one to another. (Revised version ) In the summer of 1" a boy was riding a bicycle on a country road. The bicycle craze was at its height. The boy had not owned a wheel very long at that time. As he was spinning along he met a man with a team. The horses, not being ued to bicycles, showed great alarm. The driver called to the boy to dismount until he could get pa5t. The boy, who thought he knew his rights, called back that he would do nothing of the sort, as he was giving half the road and would ride past. The results for both were far from satisfac tory. The difficulty In this instance was that a complete adjustment to a new situation had not been made. "Yes," some will fay, "the horse should hnve known better than to ally." True, but the horse had not had much experience with bicycles at that time. Certainly the boy on the wheel had a right to half the road, and there was no law compelling him to get off and give all of it. But In the new situation caused by a new and strange vehicle It would have been better ror all concerned if the boy had dismounted and given the road. It was the boy that needed adjustment to a new sit uation. In our progressive civilization thl readjustment must go on all the time or ws come to hopeless confusion. It Is said that one of the first locomo tives to cross the plains was attacked by Indiana. One more handy than the rest sought to check the speed of the Iron monster by throwing a lariat over the smokestack. He never did It again. The trouble was the engine was a new feature In the economy of the Indian and he had had not adjusted himself to It. The whole problem of Christian ethics Is laid bare here. The world moves on and we find ourselves In strange company ane. facing strange conditions. What shall we do about It? Fret ourselves because things are not as they UBed to be, or shall we accept the changes as they come and seek in the Old Hat J appearance. If he isn't a fool he marries a girl who presents some evidence that she isn't. That young lady In the winter hat showed a symptom of common-sense." "I happen to know she has It," I re torted. "But I wasn't so sure there was a male creature who oould detect it." "You don't give us credit for a much sense as we have. Men have got to look sharp. Of course, they look sharp to like a dowdy girl, but they are not to be caught with fine clothe and a frivolous manner. They know how clothes and frivols cost. They may play with girls like that, but they have too much sense to want to assume the responsibility and expense permanently. They will not marry them. Now that young lady In the winter hat can put a curb on her love for fashionable trappings. She uses her brains. A man cannot help admiring" "We will go to call If you like," I Interrupted. rethr-n were C 1 WHEN A MART X rirr i-WP-y. rTTv wAaM rT. ' : YZY-l ' Tor Nj6VnFfc TDILfiL. HAVE. MID l HC M4TCHrS" ., : i.. 'P 'f''1". - zf.j' r-. V ( Vt- GODJ! . -y-'4 UV )-vf' 3 . Lt6- MOPE 1 v T, '1 i 2J u raj- f I J Ker. Edward Kislop, Superintendent Omaha District Methodist Church. to adjust ourserves? uur relations to our fellows are constantly ci:anplni; and we can change to meet the conditions or we ran greatly embarru-8 ourselves and our friend? by refusing to adjust ourselves. what a cry went up a few years ago against women in business. It was claimed women'were taking the work that belonged to men. But the protest eventually sub sided; women went right on working., and soon It was discovered that any man who really wanted to work could still find a Job. The same outcry has gone up against labor-saving machinery, fclentiflc manage ment of great business by consolidation and a dozen other seemingly revolutionary changes. But here is manifest the tremendous vi tality of our Christian faith. It should be and is the handmaid of progress. Standing strene and beautiful In the midst of all. Is the age-old beacon, the cross of Christ. It Is the emblem of the highest sacrifice and the highest llbertyi By its light every ad justment can be made, 'every new rela tionship sweetened and made a ministry of love. That is why Christian nations r All the Doctor's Fault I am strictly on a diet for the doctor made it plaii That my stomach was rebelling at the gas tronomic strain Which my. palate put upon it (I am prone to eat with seat A lot of fancy dishee which don't easily digest.) The donor told me sharply that I mustn't eat so much. That I'd have to quit the rabbits and the cakes and plea and such. And he figures out' a diet which was cer tain to agree With my broken down condition it was merely toast and tea! Yet my stomach Isn't better, and I suffer Just the same. And I thlnlt the doctor's faking spite of all his fees and fame; I ve been truly very faithful to his dietary ' wish. Though I've varied It a little with some steak and chops and fish, With somo nicely fried potatoes, and some doughnuts freth and hot. And a fine old English pudding that was smoking from the pot; Yet my chronic indigestion is as bad as It can be, And I've lost all faith In diets such as simple toast and tea! In fact.' I think It harmful, for last night I nearly died! My pangs were something terrible, I moaned and groaned and cried! I had the flerecst nightmare that a mortal ever knew! Yet toast and tea was all I ate except a clam or two, A link or so of sausage and a glass or two of wine, A nicely roasted pigeon, and a lobster that was fine. Now I know the other Items never yet save troubled me. And It couldn't be the lobster, so It must have been the tea! Mark Kronen In Puck. I". t I - V - v; Pi-ry sakeS AW! HAM i Trc;K BELLOWIN! "the. wtwBoraS ACE T ttY IKiCs- IVf TrflL OMcy ONE. W TH y4V M-CE, 'a.'. '.-' J "VV"'' ' " lcgy have led the world In the conquest of nature's forces and In the development of institutions of civilization. It is only the Christ mind at .1 the Christ heart that can readily adjust Itself to new conditions and ho marly or iuite fair to his fellow men under all circumstances. The bov on the blcycie old not know It. but his eploile Is merely representative of a Iouk list of problems of civilisation. As fast as the conditions of life change and a few feature i added there appear a whole swarm of vcx'ng questions that must be decided. New definitions of rights l.ave to be made and the w hol scheme of human resju'tislhilliy ri vised accordingly. What a lot of questions the automobile roused! Questions of speed, questions of kind of wheel ai,d tire, questions of road rights and all that. In many quarters the new vehicle was put with ill-conoealed or even open hostility. It was an easy mat ter for the man c'i,:vlnw an auto to go dashing throuch n furtn ard, maiming and killing poultry, lauding as be dashes away. But It was aNo easy for the f:irnier boy to conceal a few boards with nails In them where they would do the most good when the next auto came along. This sort of warfare could continue Indefinitely; but to w hat' purpose ? Far better was It to ad just cursetves to the new vehicle and ar rive at some working ba.-is. It Is far bet- ter for automobile drivers to learn that j others have some rights on the highway, j and for the fanner boy to learn th.it I malicious destruction i f property Is not ' the way to settle a rlence. 1 The w ireless telegraph Is here, offering t -rreat possibilities. But its use has brought ! ethical problems. In the midst .of an im portant government dispatch from Charles ton navy yard to a government station on Cape Cod a hlsh school boy with his ama teur plant broke In and hopelessly delayed important ' government business. When told to keep out his reply was, "Who owns the air, anyway?" His answer was en tirely logical. What a problem for the government and for science and for so ciety to work on! All sorts of craft are beginning to navi gate the air. The long dream of ages has come true and the man-bird has arrived. It will not be long until commercial and military values will emerge and the flying machlrie business will be permanently es tablished. A look, ahead reveals the possi bility of the question arising again, "Who :wns the air?" Laws will not settle these questyons. Laws help, but after the laws are made there must be wisdom In In terpreting larger brotherly charity In obey ing them. individual self-control and brotherllness that is the secret of any solution that will be thorough and perma nent. Here Is where Christianity solves the problem. "For ye brethren were called for freedom through love be servants one to another." Have we not been called into large liberty? What liberty of the earth? What liberty of the sea? What liberty of the air? It looks as if Ood had Just been 'waiting for men to manifest suf ficient interest in the powers and mysteries of the universe so that one by one He could reveal them. During the last fifty years they have been disclosed with amaz ing rapidity. Every disclosure has made for freedom of the Individual. But It Is a freedom . that haa brought responsibility. Might It not be that Ood has withheld His mightiest secrets, waiting for man to grow. strong enough for the responsibility? Can He trust us now? Can He trust us with engines of destruction for warfare that would make a few hours' battle wholesale carnage? Can He trust us with air craft able to carry sufficient explosives to destroy a whole army or city? Can He trust us with the mighty secrets of science, chemistry and electricity? Surely not, un less the love of Christ so permeates society that men will no longer desire to use these forces aealnst each other. Surely not, un less brotherllness puts an end to greed and savage hate among men. "Through love become servants one to another." MAlii? ' SI J 1 1 1 . J 1 '. '. I ". UE.k9HBoPtS MvWO PAV5 1 :ifit'i74M' -- 1 THE, JUNIOR This is he Day La JOHN WOOTAN, 4102 Lafayette. ame and AcMrpgg. Elsie Anderson, 24 IS South Fifth Pt , it? x - -f Wlnslow Allen, 2215 Grant St Lake 1898 Lester Byrnes. 2920 South Eighteenth St Custellar 1903 Jaek It. Beatoni. 2 6 S Jones St Mason 1902 Marie J. Dlaufuss. 2913 North Thirtieth St How ard Kennedy. . 1897 Earl Brott'hle. f. 0 1 6 Florence Boulevard Saratoga 1905 Beatrice Buckley, 1 424 Sherman Ave Sacred Heart 1902 William G. Beachler, 3331 Fow ler Ave Monmouth' r.irk . . .1 904 Margaret Brizzl, 2928 South Twentieth St Vinton 1903 May H. Berquist, 1731 Vn Camp St High 1895 Willie Barbe, 2518 Webster Ave Miller Park 1903 Helen L. Coon, 1924 Crosby St Lake 1696 Phelps CauRhley. 3502 Seward St ' Franklin 1905 Gertrude Campbell, 3831 Decatur St Mafon 1905 Calixto Cook, 2575 Pierce St Mason 1899 Maggie Cameo, 2414 Burdette St Long 1898 Albert Dean, 3321 Pratt St Druid Hill 1905 Lonae Deerson, 3045 Meredith Ave Saratcpa 1904 Howard R. Freeman. 1616 North Thirty-second St. . Franklin 1X65 Herbert Fischer, 3606 Lafayette Ave Jesse Fetterman, 3407 Lafayette Ave Jack C. Fetters, 2711 Poppleton Ave Justus Gansle, 2020 North Nineteenth Wilbur C. Grant, 2517 North Twenty-eighth Leo Gariner, 1909 Charles St Claude A. Gray, 107 North Twentieth Magdaline Gorlik, 2715 South Twenty - Francis Gustafson, Third and Spring George M. Gutozher, 4671 Marcy St Letta Huth, 2702 Brown St Ruth Henderson, 2628 Dodge St... Harry a. Hill, 2010 North Twenty-fifth Irwin E. Hughes. 4513 North Thirty-eighth uewey j. Harrington, 3 805 South Fifty Loretta Jeffs, 2864 Lake St Alfred Jones, 4318 Jackson St Anton Kasparek, 1219 South Twelfth Emma Koley, 1202 South Twenty-seventh St ..St. Josenh 1890 Lucille Kendall, 2112 North Twenjty-seventh Irene Kohn. 1215 North Twenty-first Bt Kellom ...1904 Bernlce Kulakofsky, 2304 Fowler Ave Saratoga ...IT.! .1903 Bertha Lewis, 2214 North Twenty-first St.... Lake '. 1900 Evelyn Ledwich. 3517 Harney St..; Columbian' V. 7.1897 Ilda Langdon, 131 South Twenty-fifth St..- Central 1900 Clifford Lawson, 3106 Dewey Ave Long . . . 1901 Alwlna Lelstner, 2024 North Nineteenth St Lake ioni Charles. Lizor. 2023 Paul St Marlon E. McCaffrey, 2402 South Harry Marchant, 2714 Spalding St Claire McMahon. 1703 South Ninth Willie Norten. 618 North Fifteenth Erik Olsen. 2416 South First St Arthur Olson, 811 North Forty-sixth xttnei rutney, oS!4 Brown St r-ari i-etersen, isi ivortn Twenty-fir6t St Floyd Reinhardt, 2502 South Forty-sixth Ave.. Mary E. Riley, 1943 South Fourteenth St Eros A. Renstrom, 4248 Maple St Willard Rodgers, 2D28 Arbor St .7 L-f Oft r, 1 W i 1 frnr--.1 k -7 O T -I . . Holovtchlner Smith, 2205 South Twentv lul ox.udBiciu, mi Limenpon fel Central 1900 George Suchart, Jr., Flat 2 Davidge Blk Central !l895 Mary Skalak, 2408 South Nineteenth St Castellar .77.7 1896 Anton Slizewska, 2364 South Twenty-eighth St Im. ConceDtlo'n .7" 1 R9.1 Ruby C. Sclple, 1911 North Twenty-fifth St Long ..!.! 7J 7.1904 Meta Von Kroge, 3411 Ames Av w jjigh 1896 John D. Wootan, 4102 Lafayette Ave Saundere 7 7 7.7 1901 Some Silhouettes of the Sidewalk Ti,aT 01 SUSniG OAt)Ul, Now that their course Is nearly run. Ancient and battle scarred. Hero sit the veterans on the Bun Of one small city yard. "Pay. Joe." says Bill, "they cheered for us They made the big band play. But did It seem as loud as 'twus , On last Memorial Day?" 'I guess so, Bill," responds old Joe; "Perhaps we're gettln' rteef. And kinder peterin' out and slow. Say, ain't It past belief That you and me, with lots o' schemes, Two youngsters, marched away More n fifty years ago? It seem Like It was yestlday!" "Our men were near a thousand strong The day we started out. Pay. can't you set the crowds along The street and hear 'em shout? How many fell In roar and wrack Of battles far away! We only brought four hundred back There's twenty left today! " 'Red Legged Devils' that's the name They gave us in the war. We never flinched at fire or flame. And that old flag we bore Wus always wavln' proudest where Our boys Were In the fray. We're older n that old flag we bear On each Memorial lay! r Odious Taxation J One of the most absurd and tyrannical measures of taxation ever Imposed upon a people waa that ordered by the duke of Alva, promlmnt In the history of Hpaln up to 152. when he died. For six years he was governor general of the Netherlands, and levied a tax called the "tenth penny," or 10 per cent, upon exery article of merchandise, ' to be paid as often as It should be sold. He assensed real and personal property 1 per cent, to be paid Instantly and collected once, and on every transfer of realty he exacted t per cent. Every one In the land, excepting Alva BIRTHDAY BOOK. We Celebrate JACK BEACON, 2.v;S Jones. ShoI. Var. Bancroft 104 Franklin 1903 Franklin 1905 . . . . Tark 1904 St Lake 1904 Ave. . . . High 1S96 mgh 1893 St Central ,.1899 fifth St...'. ..Im. Conception 1897 Sts Bancroft 1904 Besls 1R9 nigh 1893 5. . . Farnam .1895 St. . , ....Howard Kennedy. . 1895 St High 1893 - first St. . Deals 1899 Howard Kennedy. .1900 tti.h ieo St Bancroft . . . . . . . .1902 Ave Lone . . : 1897 Kellom ionn Tenth St High ...1893 Druid Hill 1.7.7V 1898 St .Lincoln .. .7.7.'! ! 1805 St....' -Cass 1900 Bancroft ioni and Cuming Sts. High 1895 Central Park 1901 Kellom 1897 Beals ..1901 St. Patrick 1897 Clifton Hill 1897 Dupont 1904 n. - ninth St "prir iooa "Well, Bill, there's Just one battle more That' fixed fur me an' jou. An" we alona will hear the roar An' see the boys rush through. We'll keep the standard floatin' free, The smoke will clear away Who knows? The one Just past may be Our lust Mi mortal iuy!" (Copyright, mil, by the X. y. Herald Co.) himself, perceived how utterly ridiculous; a scheme it would prove, but he persisted, and examples by dozens were made of re fractory subjects, who were tortured to death, but to no purpose. Finally. Philip II, the Spanish king, wa petitioned, and a temjKjrary compromise was effected, by which the towns were to pay $:.0OU.uW annually for the two suc ceeding years until August. 1471. Thoeablfel hlld. Brtle I've had such a fine game, Auntie, I've taken a letter to every house In the street. Auntie How pice. Where did you get the letters? Bertie I found a big bundle tied up with pink ribbon In your dek Punch. a xa.. nj