THE BEE: OMAHA. TUESDAY, MAT 16, 1911.
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Serious History in Comic Vein
1 met a veteran of 'h Battle of Harlem
yesterday' sal fihew-Me fimllh, the home
made historian. . , " .' . ' "
"You mean -his . great-grsndson. Bhow-
.V I corrected
No I don't I jneen the veteran himself
la'i
8 lived in Harlem ten yesrs and he
fight yie baftla ever? dajof hit nfe. no
I reckon Wi entitled iofca failed a veteran,
t ain't he?"
Every time anybody refers td the Bsttle
' of Harlem everybody, thinks of that tablet
I up there, on: tha side of a house. That
I tablet stands fot -Something that was fln
j iHhed . up .4 - hundred years sgo, but the
I real Battle of Hulem ha been xsgln' ever
j sinc e dally ' engagements- In the subway
? trenches between .five and seven every p.
m. . ,- , .. , - . . -
"You see,' the way thte-continuoue per
formance battle started was the time the
invadln' army of preoccupation looked 6ver
1 Into and Harlem and -said
f "'Yonder lies the' Isnd of bargains and
-' cosey flats. Ut ui no. to It'
"And they went to l. With their light
cavalry Jn the shape of high geared baby
jssriagea ,4n tha van.heae fearless early
f""Vlarlem settlerr-attscked tha height and
. subdued the native jargtor.-wiio'ws.s forced
to capitulate at the muxala'. of the milk
t' bottle. That gave them a foothold, and
1 yrMb the; aid. of strong reinrorcements la
the shape of phonographs, piano players,
, ' parrots and robber ' plants, they soon held
' impregnable -positions la- front and ress
apartments, team heat, hot and cold water
supplied. . -,. , .T '
"The original Inhabitants of Harlem were
practically ' exterminated, but are some
times distantly referred to as goats. They
can still ba found in soma parts of the
village If you knew how-to. get them.
"From wild;,, rocky, region. Inhabited
only by nonntam- 'gaseHes -and Janitors.
Harlem became. VthrVjnfr dtstriot. filled
wfth patent adjustable .flats and go-cart
gsh-sges.
i But . the BUl4'of Harlem did Wot end
tiee Oh,- noL ,TheHaxlemitea, conquered
the Janitor,1 the milkman, the Iceman and
ven the 'installment man, but'at last they
truck- the Old Xiuand. ..
"They .Tough 1 4 him- In the, subway,
And.the foffght hrm on the 'L,'
And they'll prob'ly keep bn'fightlh
To the very gates , of Bronx Fark.
"Nobody .has erected any. tablets to the
dally fleroe onslaught and. the cyclorama
habit hasn't toeen rvvtyed," but .there's a
hat(t n
fl ike ohrt
b mjelf I
-rne oid
nance for aprne, painter chap to make
famous .-wun s aecona eaujon
Old Guards Last. Stand.' : -
"At the .predent writlq you might call
It a draw, with "considerable wounded 'on
Vboih aides. Bo Tar' no aaa ones nave- Been
yCund ;tii' Hartem' and from -the subway
Lofetta's Looking
My Dear Loretta-tWhat do you think of
g Klrl 'who peitd; "he,r father's money
rather Tcllebr on clothes, making s, food
Ippeargncs than', nutriiea' "and" 'becomes '
regular mlserf'My slstef has a handsome
kusband -god tmo ' lovely ' children. And
the Is so busy economising that you would
lever recognize her as tha girl Who spent
father's money: so, well. She worries
he. "I went out to-dinner wun ner.ana
ker ' husbsnd. I' ! wpre. a' well-made and
becoming white dress and slie wore
mream! It fairly shrieked village dress
naker, unineijlred by the 23-cent-a-yard
loulard. Her .-.handsome - husband whis
kered; -"What lit thunder's the matter
Ull Nell's .cloth.es J I'm. ashamed pf her.
Uaks her get something decent to wear."
tvould you tell 'her? It 'wlU make a fuss,
tnd I hate a family quarrel. But her hue
land is too good loklng not to be notloed.
e will not keep, on taking her out with
Urn If she looks like a Joke., aha will loss
tlm. I scarcely know what Is my duty.
Have you aa ideat
V. I-AN ANXIOUS BISTER.
y hsTe'. several. : Tour sister is one of
till kind '-who dignifies her false economy
Kltfe tha .nama .of self-sacrifice. 8h wants
tie babies to "have things. Incidentally,
lie will lose the best thing she has her
if theTe- is one sin from which' the aver-
m.n rniildera himself free. It is the
In of vanity, says a writer In ths St. Louis
llobe-Democrgt. - -Vantty.' lis' firmly be
(eves, la .. th preogratlVe of women.
. .uv 1ar creature, he will
ell his wife r sweetheart while he fondly
has her cheek.
The wife or sweetheart Is generally, too
Was tb correct -hlm but there, never was
I woman yet who did not wonder at the
fjarvclous vsnlty of men.
As a mtter of..fie.t'. there Is scarcely any
Iffereoce b'f sen men. and children In this
ipect. A. child with a new pair of shoes
rill not rest content until everybody In the
louse has . gon , Into raptures over both
hoes an weaseri separately and together,
Ind a min i methods of sttracting notice
0 his splendor are to women hardly less
Imple. :- -.
Women on the oontrsry. exe singularly
re from vsnlty".
Tou.lsugh and point to my lady's mli
brs. and her habit of looking in them at
very possible'. njomeit? My dear young
tan,- you Jo 'jiot understand, A woman
rill take- infinite pains to dress herself to
lease somebody she loves although he
Idom notices Itor to annoy somebody
be hates.' If she pleseed the -loved one she
1 In tha seventh, hreq4 as' she certainly
I If she annoys- he- oWer woman. But
be never, advtkes herself -in the way thai
l young man adtfilret hlk Invisible mua
che. - -
Men, too. re' free from the terrifying
gnger whicb hgogs qver a woman from
ke ags of 14 years to the age ef years
r so the criticism of other women. How
irrtfying this (neir, be men can seldom un
tratand. t .-. .
A man may wear nattered straw bst
r ever and ever, n4 go about In shabby
rousers on Sundays, and his friends will
ot think It worth witllerso notice; whereas
woman' tara not have a button aut of
lace without H thlaie lq the district
slicing It. . '. "
Hence ths agony of rnlnd that a woman
if (era it she thfnka her back hair la corn-
down is- not at- air lut to vanity. And
cs the mirrors which threughful shop-
-epera provide so abundantly. .
Even when fcm cam o pretty gtrla who,
ighf. very aell be escuied fair-having tbelr
da turned, there Is no approach to the
umy of the";ady-luiUng youtiu, A fretty
.:;: The Vanity of Man - ; ;
TtMl flattie of
Harlem.
trenches you can hear svery evening that
fine old battle cry. beginning:
"The old Guard shies but. never ' surren
ders. Though he loees his rap, bit coat Arid aus
e"iers." (Copyright, 1911. by the N. T. Herald Co.)
r
A Trifle Sarcastic
"e have' sortetjes for-the protection sf
almost everything why not a society for
the protection of criminals? ,
Better jallx are demanded. It Is very
unpleasant fot .any self-respecting crim
inal, especially when he- hag been brought
up In refined surroundings, whteh Is not
Infrequently the case, to have to eat
coarse food and associate with vulgar
people.
Our methods of investigating criminals,
with a view to ascertaining tbelr guilt,
aro by no means perfect. Any one with
money is likely to he brought Into a court
at any-time, and rudely qustoned by an
unfeeling Judge, It Is true that 4f a very
large amount Is Involved, -one Is treated
with a certain consideration ; but even this
is not what It ought to be. i . . -
As the esse stands at present, no great
criminal Is really e.re. from annoyance.
His picture may be published In tbe papers,
editorials reflecting upon 'his character may
bti printed at any nr.oment. and; t he may
have to put up a large smount .of bail.
This Is often Inconvenient, especially . when
one's money Is tied up in Wad street
This Is a free country. Every criminal
ought to be protected from Injury. Thomas
L. Mason In Llpplncott's. . . ' ' '
Frleadly Cwaasel. ,
Harrison S. Morris, the Philadelphia
poet, i listened at (be rrannlln Jnn . one.
evening to the rather offensive boasting
of a rich young amateur actqr.
"Oh, by the way,- Mr. Morris,", ths ama
teur finally said, "the Browning society Is
going to put on "The Blot on the Escutch
eon" after Christmas, and they want, me
to take part In It. Now you know , my
style. You've seen me act In German town.
What part do you think would suit me
bestr. -.' .
"The 'blot,' my "boy," said Mr. Morris,
with his quick, nervous laugh. "Go. In,
by ail means, for ths blot' "Philadelphia
Ledger. '
Lille Girl Mother, Is Uncle Joha deaf?
Mothers-No,' dear.- "Whyt- ..
' Little Girl Bvery ' tilmo, ,he' glvea ine I'
oenta, e says ,rWhat do yoi sayf and
I'm never saying a -word. Upplnoott'a -
Glass-Held.Upto Anxioui3 Sister's Letter
husband. Tou are right.: It will make a
fuss to tell her thai ' she ts penny-wise
and pound-foollsta.-. But a .sisterly family
row .doesn't matter." ' Teu- twa do not rep
resent, the essential 'family combination.
Just a man and a woman are- thaL - ,
Do not let her give her husband tha
first shove that sends hlm'otf from her.
She will think she Is a martyr to. "man's,
selfishness" if he does get tnteresSed 'In
soms woman, who weara her clothes well.
But she wilt be ths victim of her 6wn ab
normal enjoyment of spending herself for
her babies.. ' ." ...V- :
. That's .not -exactly a vice It's a virtue
overdone. And men hate overdone virtues
as much as they disllks overdone steaks.
She may weep and Wail, that .she denied
herself pretty clothes and the ' diversion
that would kiep her attractive and. Inter
esting, all for the sake of the bhlldren.
Tell ber that is a veritable "skin, . gams'
with which women have been' cheating
themselves out of their husband' love
for so long that they ought -to be wise
to it by pow! Tell ber she is aavtng ths
pennies ef the coin of the realm and
loalng the Treasures of the hert
Maybe she comes and cleans out your
old clothe s from your eloset with the as
sertion she "can wear them around home."
If she does. Just emphasise the ;fact that.
girl takea her prettlness gs a gift from the
fairies, to be (ended as ths girdner tends
a beautiful plant. It la ber duty, a neces
sity to her seif-respect to. look nice."
. Contrast ber. with the average hgndsdm
man. Here you have vanity so monumental
that a woman can only gasp. ,
Peelea tha Boys.
T"he palm for advertising hks generally
been conceded to America, but a Berlin
theater .manager can claim that he Is
"facile prlncepa," and dispute America's
right to be considered even "proximo ac
credit" Recently the following, adver
tisement appeared In all the newspapers
fat the German capital Just at the same
time when a new piece was - to be
nroduoed:'
"YOUNG LADT. ORPHAN, with tlO.OOO
at her disposal and proprietress of one of
the most Important retail businesses In
Prussia., wlchee to meet a .young man
csnable of managing her buslnees, with a
view to matrimony. ' No special business
training neceessry. nor need be be poaaesied
of means. Write M. W. B , guardian. No
agents." " ' ' ' ' '
On ths morning' of ths representation
each of those who replied to the adver
tisement received a beautifully ttth
ogrsphed note In these terms:.
"Sir: It Is a roost Important matter to
know whether my niece will lease you.
Thia evening shs will he with me t
theater In Boa No.. - K. W. B -"
The theater waa crowded with- young
men, and, during the play tbe Jorg-nettee
mere all turned at Bog No. i but It was
empty, tha only vacant plaee Is the thea
ter. Llpplncott's. '
Datle't AllbU. -'
', "ix-year-Old David bad bees told not to
play in the oiled road: Oofning Into the
house with suspiciously.. black hands, be
was reprimanded by his mother.
"You've'been playing In the, road." she
said. t. ,
No. mother, X haven t. Test's pttcb
from the tree. v
Don't tea me a story, rar14. J kijew
ifaiold from ths road."
"Well. Ood know It's pltch.'isld David,
"for He ! saw ma climb the -'.tree. "-Ujh
pincotfa .
Medical preeonpiions la. rraace must be
wrtttea la the language of tnat eouftLry.
etmsait. tftt. ti
SAY ruPCEr
YOUALU PONt
PROMISED MB
A MA LP iKTReST
IN HtM, MtMEl?
MrClL 2
jvS s wett i wANr f o the
IGltzJ I cent to sis who rrs that 1
I ( fAzr. ohz rxtr n Jimi it.
99MWTMiM6..J 111 llrA
CENT TO SIS WHO rrs THAT
9m w niSTs .trm m vr
r7T f HOUTUATSAIL A
j V I StTTltl. YOU OWN I
MJJ ' Vteoh uenzi' Hg'cy
although you . are still spending father's
money and wearing the husband-winning
decorations, you have a suspicion that
husband-Keeping takes .something besides
rag-bag ratios to make- it easy.
And, If she does not take hints eagerly
and with an appetite that promises for a
pareful. digestion of them. Just tell her
right out that her husband loves her yet,
but he thinks she looks like a fright! Of
course, she will get angry! But you havs
to maks Some people angry to make them
sensible.' And,' as a sort ' of linguistic
sandpaper, add that she hsd better prac
Ooe economy In something besides clothes.
She would save her husband's love!
-f-
f THE
rnwrn gsBsw
y THIS, in lip-
A " rr-'
M(K) I
'A-JZM ft
TMt i
i nm tmmt rgaaua mn nm nouh eat.
NO
"TAINT
(th
that's so.l
DcLltib I
Ucnocurt
WAMT tm 0 THE
rr
f JAWBONE (f
I ALLUS WAS)
c
Blind People Famous
Blind Tom, a gifted colored . pianist,
charmed thousands of audiences In '2 this
Country a quarter of a century Ago.- .
When he was -sixteen years of agev-the
Rev. Timothy Woodrldge, of 'Stockbrldge
Mass., was stricken with blindness. The
year of his birth was 1784. During his life
he wrote his autobiography and delivered
numerous masterly discourses.
William Hacking Prescott, one of
America's most eminent historians, was
afflicted with imperfect vision -at. the. age
of twenty. His "Ferdinand and Isabella,"
"Conquest of Mexico" and "Conquest- of
rw
- (5bOS FISHB0NES
)THHT vvHTKii O0WA'1
" FlETTr tow. j
SI
TRUTH
I M SOMEWHAXI
ATHIKST. J
r.
IMflklt
'r; 'far'
. 'i
y ,
" th nnn..t
SUA.
FAIN
HE'5 JES' TWELVE
luaK I A Mi'at rt Vftll
T9 nAKE Mfc
TAKC tme
iH'QOAhrcHS
HWna4 "sj 7 v ivs
OWN FROri tHl MiWlf
to Tift Bry or in1 iflk
TMT 'J MIS AiT IT? A
- -
T0 XT VOll CHO'LATI?
Y00TQOK7AllS AlClT
riMfi IAT1I C W THA 3
TWE FART TOtf VHJ
Peru,' were written under most trying
circumstances, owing to his partial blind
ness. . Prosper Fugnanl, a blind Roman lawyer
of distinction, born In 1661, added to his
fame by writing a "Commentary on the
Laws."
John Metca'lf. 'whose sobriquet was
"Blind Jack," of Knaresborough, '.England,
having ' been rendered sightless when he
Was six years of age, became-prominent
as. a road surveyor and contractor. He
was born In 1717 and died In 1802.
Very Mack Attached.
BWenson Why do you always hear a ship
referred to as "she?"
Benson I guess It Is because she some
times becomes very much attached to a
buoy. Philadelphia Times.
a, nii.,
ukll III '
".JU-UUULr-
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fTmr
THE, DECS c5UNIOR
mis is fhe Day
r
TUESDAY,
Nsmfl nnd Addrews.
Alvera E. Anderson. 2919 Oak ft
HszM Avers, 8446 Pratt St ,
Margret M. Burke, 3826 Lincoln Boulevard ,
Ruth Breed, 331 ft Lfarette Are
George Brown. 2 918 Ereklne St
Robert Carlnon, 2002 Maple St
RoMrla Clrco, 1271 William St
Florence Fort. 620 North Forty-first Ave
James B. Folkes, 3929 North Twenty-second
Fred Forcht, Forty-fourth St. and Fort
William Frost, 3224 Charlea St
Ray D. Oreen, 3115 Lindsay Ave
Horace Henderson, 1 0S South Twenty-eighth
Arthur Howard, 2707. FarnaJti St
Violet Harmon, Forty-seventh and Harney 8ta
Alma Komrofskl, 2424 Oak St
Gertrude Kuehnert, 390S North Nineteenth St
Leroy McKenna, 2707 South Fifteenth
Irene M. McQuIre, 210 North Twenty-third
Helen Morte.nsen, 2W2 North Twenty-third
Francis iMassara, 2 820 Harney St
Myron Norton, 1914 South Eighth St
Walter Nlelson, 3512 Charles St
Mildred Olson, 2517 Ames Ave
Henrietta A. Petersen. 2762 Lake St
William F. Paul, 1926 South Twelfth St
Irene Palmqulst, 618 North Forty-flrgt Ave
Ben Stlfler, 2621 Capitol Ave
Weir Y. Starbuck, 3809 North Twenty-ninth St
Helen Sebec, 1713 Scuth Eleventh St
Frank Seltser, 68 Boulevard Ave
Ralph J. Waller, 4026 Binney St
Margaret Walker, 2615 South Fifteenth St
Thomas Earl Woodruff, 200G St. Mary'g Ave. ......
IT'
Tabloid History of
James Buchanan, our fifteenth presi
dent, was born near Mercersburg. Pa..
April 23, 1791, snd died at Lancaster. In the
eame state, on June 1, 18U8.
He began to practice law In Lancaster In
Eight years later he was chosen to
represent his district 1n congress, where
he remained for ten years. In 1S31 Presi
dent Jackson made him minister to 8t.
Petersburg, where, among other services
to his country, he negotiated the first
commercial treaty between the United
States snd Russia, securing to American
commerce the ports of the Black sea and
the Baltic.
Under President Polk he was secretary of
state, while President Pierce made him
minister to England. He became nmaMi.nl
In his 65th year. Hln inauguration took
piace on the 4th of March, 18G7. Three
States all free were admitted m the nnin.
during his sdmlnlstratlon.' Minnesota in
Oregon in 1859 and Kansas In 1861.
Two curious different events atanri ,.t
In Buchanan's admlnUt
the visit of the prince of Wales, then a
young and charming Englishman, after
ward Edward the' fUvunih ( d--i j
" - v WIIIWIU.
The hostess at the White House on this
occasion was the .president's niece, Mies
Lane, one of the leading belles of the day.
ine otner incident was the outcome of the
Is Gambling Increasing Among Women? J
In view of Deputy Police Commission
Flyrn's war on (ambling and the federal
government's raid -on a women's bucket
shop In New York, It is interesting to note
a Chicago university professor's speech In
which he calls attention to the Increased
amount of gambling antong women In the
tipper circles of society, says the New
York Herald. The Chicago man ays this
Is due in part to the wave of economy
which Is at the present time sweeping over
the business world and in which every man
is cutting dowry his expenses both at home
as well as in his business. He says the
wlvea of these men have contracted the
gambling habit from a desire to replenish
rapidly diminishing personal accounts.
Gambling among women, however, Is by no
means a thing of recent years, for (00 years
ago women of fashion lost thousands
nightly and no comment was made. Pepys
that entertaining gossip of history, wrote
in his diary In 1W7:
"I wan tod tonight that Lady Caetle
malne Is so great a gamester as to have
won 116.000 and lost 31.000 another night at
the tard table.'' He continues: "This even
Homesick
Homesick ain't like th other sicks
You get an' hafto go to bed
An' drink th' stuff th' drug stores mix.
Or hsvs things tied aroun' your head.
An' when your ma she wssh your face
An' use th' stiver brush an' comb
To comb you, an" she'll fill a vase
With flowers, 'cause you're sick at borne.
Homesick ain't med cine sick at all:
It ain't a aick like stumsck ache
'At make you double up an' bawl,
An' say you didn't eat th cake.
Until your conaclence. It ache, too,
Nen you con-feaa, an" you ma smile
An' say she got a Joke on you
Buhcauae she know It all th' while.
Homesick ain't when they see your tongue
Or fel your pulse, or your ears buss,
Or doctor listens at your lung
But, oh, how much you wlsht It wus!
Homesick is when you go away
A-vtfttrln all hv VAiirs!
An' miee the clock 'at ought to stay
A-lirkln' on th' mantel shelf.
An folks tell stories to' you, too,
An' try their best to make you laugh.
Th' wind cries in th' chimney flue.
An' In th' barnyard Is a calf
At bswls an bawls An worst part yet
xa ail la ume. now ihi you Know
So matter how homealck you get
An' want to go home, you can t go.
Wilbur D. N'rshtt, in Harper s Magazine
Stead r Work! Ne. air.
An old man. applying to ths village min
ister, wss offered the position of crave
digger, with a remuneration of so much
a .ffreve.
"Will I get steady workr be aaked
anxiously,
"Steady work V cried the minister.
"Land's saaes, man. with steady work
you'd bury aJJ Rocky Band la a week."-.
Uiiancuu a.
BIRTHDAY BOOK.
We Cglebrate
May 16, 191t
School. Tear.
Windsor 1903
Lothrop 190i
hjlh 1891
High 1891
Howard Kennedy.": 1891
High 1893
St. Fhllomena 1896
Saunders 1904
Ixthrop 1899
Central Park 1899
Franklin 1905
Howard Kennedy. . 1898
,
St....
Ave
St...
Pacific
.1903
Farnam 1903
Columbian 1903
Vinton 1903
Iothrop ....1899
.Castellar 1901
.High 1896
.Lake 1902
.Farnam 1901
.Lincoln 1896
.Franklin 1897
Saratoga 189 7
Howard Kennedy. . 1901
Lincoln 1903
High I8f 4
Central 1896
Druid Hill.. 1904
Lincoln 1904
Bancroft 1897
Clifton Hill 1904
Bancroft , .1908
Ct-ntral ..1895
St
St
St
,
the Presidents
j
JAMX6 jyvCMAlOCfcr.
rapidly increasing saltation ef tha slave
question. It was known as- "John Brown's
Raid." Brow n sought , to ' liberate the
slaves, and with that In view he and
twenty-one associates seised the arsenal
at Harper's Ferry, intending to make it a
renaeivous.
The movement was a fallura Kit Inn. I
snd state troopa overpowered ths sealota.
Thirteen of their number were killed, two
escaped and the rest. Including John Brown,
were tried and hung.
(Copyright. 1811. by the N. Y. Herald Co.)
ing going to ths queen's side to see ths
Isdles, I did find the queen, the duchess of
York snd one other lady at cards, with the
room full of ladles and great men. the
which I was amssed to sea on a Sunday."
History tills us that It was no unusual
thing for women of fashion to sit In a card
game from Saturday night until Mondav
morning. Marls Antoinette wss a alave to
cards, and was known to play for thirty.
Six hours. Emperor Joseph wrote of her:
"The play at the queen's table wag like
that In a common gambling house. Per
sons of all kinds were there and mingled
without decorum. Great scandal was caused
by the fact that several of the Isdles
cheated."
Charlea II, on the last Sunday which he
passed on earth, so history, tells us. Spent
the time playing cards with his three fa
vorite duchesses. Also, Anne Boleyn wss
never so happy as when she was gaming
for high stakes. Eve nthe pious Mary was
not proof against tha lure of the cards, and
to "counterbalance these vanities she paid
for the education of a poor child and the
expense of binding an apprentice."
" Have a Berry Party
Pass cards ornamented with hand painted
berry sprays bearing the following ues
tlons, all to be answered by the name of a
berry:
What berry is a favorite flavoring: Wln
tergreen berry.
Whst berry is red when it la green?
Blackberry.
What berry Is used for a fabrto much
used by ladles: Mulberry.
What berry wss made fsmous by Mark
Twain T Huckleberry.
What berry is found on the grass tew
berry. What is the most Irritating berry?
Raspberry.'
What berry la used in stables? Ftraw-
berry.
What Is the berry always In evidence at
great winter festival? Holly.
What la the oldest of all berries Elder
berry. The berry that always comes with tha
king of birds? Cranberry.
The most melancholy berry? Blue,
berry.
An Indentation on the coast? Bayberry.
A berry often used in a favorite garnet
Checker berry. v
What berry la a dunce? Gooseberry.
For a prise a strawberry shaped emery
may be given to the lady and a berry pi
to the man If more elaborate souvenir
are desired, there are berry dlshea, plats
with berry designs, etc.
Cranberry aherbet may be aerved instead
of ice oream.-ftt. luis Globe-Democrat.
We should respect the rights of ail
creature. Even the crow conalderg hU
cawa to be Ilatoua-Ufiplncou a,
)