THE- BEE: OMAHA, MONDAY. MAY 8. 1911.
A .... rnr
he JJecg rTe-a
azire
ge
i 4
1
Lay of the Hotel Lobbyist
'Do you " tfnk "pron killed Fhakos-
J pr?" ,k4 th Chair Warmer.
y Nnr. J.'h.-Itioi . who aid that wan
; wiVst w-aa. hls,nme? a modern actor - I
sAw iiv recent, years," answered the Hotel
. lobbyist. r'H- .' eertatnly masnnrred
I flhakeey'; "all ight": KflTrtl Foy put over a
mayhem and ; felonious assault on the
i lAvon- bard, Vut tWs other fellow, whose
' rams , escapes', Yn( slipped over the coop
'.de mrt. a-we FTenrbs menus say.
"Anyhrw, Batfon ;hever indicted for
it, although. tUla - American professor,
I Owen, may trying to plant the evidence
and then faava )o tiava Francis B. formally
1 charged-by. a grand Jury.-. The statute
never ruria oirt on mttrder, I'm told.
"Of course ., tha protergflr' may have
' noma' damaging or damaged . evidence
I which makes". It Jock bad for FTank, but
rwya, oh "V?-(ihala little English
.pun and you a skip this part, because
I you Wottldn' understand It, anyway).
' WV't X repeat fglee! jtl.at would so strong
' riiir P'her tunrwri Does na want to
Jftg In'tha Wyer Wye torget'the goods on a
f I scholarly person who haa baeh. reposing for,
lo! these four hundred years; his peace of
mind disturbed on! "by constant charges
nat ha was a' snob, a grafter, a play
pirate, a ploglartat, . man who bought
others' bright tnurtight,.' a ' Sycophant, a
wit, a, gentleman, a pollithedv shine, a bone
head, a robber, flatterer, a grave robber,
cryptogram fiend, a first' nlghter, a pro
ducer, a song house booster, "a ticket specu
lator,' a Jekyll-Hyde, as. amateur actor,
tha man who' wrote' Ktiakespeare'a works,
ths man who. spoiled JSbakesPfare's works,
theatrical ceaaeri and now finally a
murderer. ' n- t
"This is all wrong,'' '.'this Campaign of
defamation. History ehowa that Bacon
was always going into the Globe on
paaes. and dot-s hot th bld Latin phrase
lnru-uct us, 'Of the. dsd heads speak only
Cid'? I think the meanest things about
J3aoon ' ' weri ad,.'y well ' meaning
friends. . Thlnk--.ot their asserting these
years that any 'senelbk htgit'ipaid court
attendant Ilka . Frank ' Would ' 'spend his
I young Ufa Inventing a cipher code that
even ha couldn't-read4- Wan look at his
I picture! That shows' at, a ' fiance that he
Uiad all Jia could d keeping up on the
Uateat style In . Bobby geats' frilled lace
collars kud velvet ' panties, the correct
'm'Sfre of trlmming:.aV)ear4 '.Without having
jttX complain to ths mayor; and la trying
Ivarioua cures ftfr. baldnew. '
"It's 'tad enough to call him ' a first
I nlghter. Whervthe went over to see
Bars' newest production, theaters didn't
a to nave a KHcnen- aiiacnea to auraci
n audience with tancy Tooduigs, nor a
jfanc marble' entrance with ftn imposing
array of speculators , to 'make it look like
I big business,.' nor. an iron handed claque
to encore tha latest songs from Tin Fan
! Alley, nor scenery .and rhprus girls espe
cially painted .for this Production. The
only eats at tha old Globs- wars oranges,
(with '-which' those Whd could 'buy oould
pelt the original, true tudenrs of the
'drama- in the pit, wh-- were there to be
lltted rather than to cenawrW No- true
"DEADHEAD."
student In the gnllery soaks the wealthy
brother downstairs with ' peanut shells
and programs. Those were the days!
When Francis and Bill went out on a tear
Shakenpesse 'always brought home the
Bacon."
"But do you think Bacon killed him?"
persisted the Chair Warmer
"Seems to me I did read that Bacon was
a dramatic critic," said the Hotel Lob
byist. (Copyright, 1911, by the N. 1f. Herald Co.)
T"l M-in ... THT WCHlNt TH6 st 0 Art
Queer Combs and Brushes
J
Ths cat carries her close brush In , her
mouth, for with her rough tongue . she
cleanses her glovsy coat as a boy brushes
of his clothes. She licks one, of her front
paws and rubs It over her face, and she is
ready for her breakfast. . . ... , ,
Foxes' dogs and wolves do not use their
mouths when they need to wash and brush,
but scratch themselves vigorously with
their hind paws and are as fresh as ever.
The cow, with her long,, rough tongue,
comb her coat of hair until It Is clean and
curly. The horse, more than any -other
animal, depends on his owner to. keep his
coat in proper condition, but often he will
roll on the green grass or rub himself down
against a tree or fence. , ,
Field mice comb their hair wlla their
hing legs, and the fur seal In a similar
manner spends as much time as. a. woman
in making herself look smart.
Although the elephant appears to be think
skinned and callous, he takes great caie
of his skin. He often gives himself a
shower bath by drawing Water into his
long trunk and blowing it on tha different
parts of his body. After the bath tie some
times rolls himself In a toilet preparation
of dust to keep off tha fliea. Our. Dumb
Animals.
If youth but knew what age did. crave,
many 'penny would -sav. -if
fti&rir
UTTLE time
THIS HI
we do
MEED
tL Bur S AT,LP-' 1
irnctiNC ro ion
i 11 ir -i n 1 r - r-i - mr'.c i
MINUTE TO WKrA ( M J yfrjt
hr vp but wt .-EEEr- v'tr
wow "j&c-r vsNn x
fintwmi rme
r, on. ffiCMr. Our fJ,
Be I RHQTHEjt
ion cflNr euif a
T
T lei
mm sr sy a.
sS a? 1 sV
The BEES Junior Birthday Book
This is (he
Day We
Celebrate
-1 ip
MINERVA RAW Ql'INBV
4 1 6 Dodpe Street.
rk-hoctl.
May 8, 1911.
Name and Address.
Cecil H. Alexander, 2409 Lake St
Mary Abboud, 1732 South Thirteenth St...
Cecil Alexander, UK North Seventeenth St.
Ithiel Bruechert, 3110 South Thirteenth St.
Ida Kathryn Bruner, 3401 Decatur St
Gertruda A. Beachler, 3331 Fowler Ave. . .
John Cohan, 6330 North Twenty-seventh St.
Murl Born, 1212 South Fourth St Pacific
Sarah Brookstetn, 1916 South Tenth St Lincoln
Yfar.
.Lake 1901
.St. Philomena 1898
.Kellom . . . ...1901
.Edward Rosewater.1901
.Franklin .1898
. MonmouthV Park . ..1899
. Miller Park ...1900
1891
... . . .1903
Virginia Carlisle. 8315 Harney St Columbian 1904
Russell J. Chambers, 314 North Seventeenth St....Casa 1905
Edith Cundlff, 122 South Twenty-seventh St High .......... .1895
Sarah R. Cole, 2231 Howard St High ..1894
Agnes Darda, 1941 South Twenty-seventh St Dupont '.'....1904
Faith Dunham, 206 South Twenty-seventh St Farnam ..1904
La Verne Diefendorf, 4502 Burdette St .Clifton Hill. .'..1905
Li Hie M. Douglas, 2820 Castellar St Dupont ..1897
Willie Feingold, 802 Georgia Ave Park ..1904
Eva Gllck, 1815 Cass St. :.. Central .v ....... 1902
Charles Green, 717 North Twenty-third St Kellom ......... .1898
Leon Grosb. 501 South Twenty-second St Mason 1902
Ruth Greenburg, 517 8outh Twenty-fourth St Mason ........... 1901
.Lothrop ........
... Webster .......
.Central Tark. . .
. Lothrop
, . Monmouth Park .
. Windsor ...'..,
.1898
..1901
.1905
.1903
..1903
.1901
boretta's Looking Glass-She Holds it Up to Girl with Cross Father
t.ffthes
ttsMDMaEasjsjsjpjsfsjj
R
- "' i
t 111
1
Dear Loretta: My father Is crosser
a beaf.je Is liberal enough about
fclCthes and- all "that, but he will not let
ny gentlemen" ifipme to, see ms. And I am
18V4. Ha says lie does not want nis aaugn
ters to ma fry. So he sots like tha Old Harry
when any oiio dres to call. My slstar and
are tired af )(. Do you happen to know
way lo ciri qross father?
"A RttrtLXIOUS. DAUGHTER."
Tk( t bssrr of llapplaess.
I do;" V li the quickest, most direct
honest ,wyi too. You Just go to your
lather and say; "Father, I am grown up.
And I want the Jirlvllege qf living my own
life as you hauvio live, yours. I want to
receive tha ateptlon of men; and I want
to be sure' whHo I a mdolng It that you
wlll not .set-fiff tha alarm clock at t:3t)
hake ths, Xurnafe an hour earlier than
ual. I consider that a girl has ths blg-
fcest chanriMI happlnaess and the largest
sjpportunlty for 'growth by being married.
B am not going to Tc ;ou' make an old maid
kt me and chaat ana out of the career I
v
td h
was born to have. If you think you Cannot
be agreeable long enough not to scare the
men away who want to come, I shall see
them somewhere else. And I shall- marry
the first man who asks me, in order to
have a home where I can feel comfortable
and unembarrassed."
Don't you lose your courage when you
deliver this sane and womanly speech.. Re
member yon are not asking a privilege;
you are demanding a right. And don't let
his growling scare you into hedging. : It's
right and fair that your own home should
have its doors open to the men who -want
to know you. It is there that the right one
should find you. And you keep that in
mind! Open those doors to your own op
portunity to be what you should. '
When t comes right to the point, men
fare this marriage business more directly
and sensibly than we do. Your father may
be cross; but something In your -letter
mskes me think he is a man of sense. He
knows that marriage is the natural career
for a woman. He knows. to, that the
supply of girls is somewhat .in excess .of
men, If you tell him that you want to re
ceive men because one of them will prob
ably be the means of your entrance into
the career that most needs and best suits
you, he will realise that It is not all frivol
and fun, mere useless wasting of the gas
snd wearing of the rugs that prompts you.
Facloar the Draa-on.
I send you my mental support In your
facing, of the dragon. And I hop you will
win your way to burning much gas and o a
great deal of wear and tear on the oriental
floor coverings. May the right man be the
on to turn the lights economically low and
to kneel at your feet oh, no! You wouldn't
a ant a lover to be so foolish! I wish I
could know what your father looks and
says and does when you beard him in his
den!
r
Did YoifEver Think of This?
-J
The doctor didn't say, "Your asthma and
bronchitis are caused by your collar but
ton," but after feeling under he collar at
the back of the patient's neck be did say,
"It's a wonder a person who Wears such
a collar can breathe at all. . . ."
"I suppose for twepty-flve years- you
have been wearing high. - rigid -collars,"
Continued the doctor, "with a collar button
half an inch long pressing heavily against
tha spinal column near where It enters
the brain where Is enlarges Into th
medulla oblongata. The tall, stiff collar,
worn as tight aa you wear It, cuts- off a
good deal of the blood supply - from the
head. When you lean forward over your
desk It chokes the big blood vessels that
supply tha brain; then when- you lean
back It presses hard against the base of
the brain Itself. But the. collar button,
such as you wear, and as most men' wear,
Is worse than tha collar, and together they
are certainly a vicious combination. The
medulla contains vital centers of auto
matic action of the body. The chief of
these centers Is that controlling respira
tion. If tha medulla Is injured death
ensues by suffocation. In cases of hang
ing it Is the injury to this , center that
causes death. The medulla Is also the cen
ter for the vasomotor nerves, regulating
the slxe of the blood vessels. A heavy and
continuous pressure 'on the spinal column
such as is exerted by a collar button that
is o long and so firmly held as to imbed
itself deeply in the tissues of the neck
cannot help but affect the nerves leaving
the medulla, causing troubles In breathing
and a long line of distressing symptoms
due to vasomotor nervous disturbances.
"I would not say that a shorter button
and a loose and soft collar would cure
your asthma, but they certainly are among
the remedies Indicated. Just think of the
weight of pressure that is put on that
collar button, with heavy winter clothing,
tight fitting as to collars of vest, coat and
overcoat, forcing this small piece of metal
deeper and deeper down on these nerves
that control the most vital functions of the
body "Chicago Inter-Ocean.
Helen Gooch, 3717 North Twenty-second St....
Clarence Garnett, 3319 Burt St ,
William Hoch, 4506 Ames Ave
Raymond Hanna, 2121 Lothrop St
John Hardy. Thirty-sixth St. and Redick Ave.
Bernlce Hughea, 2 402 Fort St ,
Clarence Johnson, 922,North Twenty-ninth St Webster 1896
Fred Jones, 8022 South Twenty-eighth Ave High 1896
John Klsh, 2013 Manderson St Lothrop 1904,-
Thomas Kagador, 3610 Emmet St ....Howard Kennedy. . 1905
William Lewis, 2214 North Twenty-first St Lake 1905
Catherine Lubischar, Forty-eighth and Q Sts St. Joseph 1905
Adeline Lehmann, 1913 Spring St.. Vinton .. .1900
May Malconey. 1413 South Fifth fit wio-h '. . -. isok
Horace Morse, 2212 North Twenty-eighth Ave.... Long ...1901
Mabel Marlow, 1915 Elm St Vinton 1908
Gertrude H. McEvoy, 2708 Manderson St Sacred Heart. .... 1904
Theresa Machtlgall, Forty-eighth and I Sts St. Joseph .1898'
Millou L. Mathews, 2864 Ohio St ..Howard Kennedy, ; 1895
Leo A. Moulton, 2850 Blnney St Howard Kennedy.. 1905
Mary M. Nygaard, 8103 Marcy St High ......... ..,i$95
Roy C. Norgren, "216 South Twenty-eighth Ave Farnam V. '.'. .". 1601
Agnes 0,Dell,;1825 Locust St Lothrop 1905
Emanuel Prlesman, 2721 South Tenth St... Bancroft ..1901
Louisa Perruccello, 1118 South Seventh St Pacific 1896
Ethel Pettenglll, 2807 Hickory St nigh . 1895
Lillian Perdlrtz, 1942 South Twelfth St.. Lincoln" !!!'.!!!!' 1903
Minerva Qulnby, 4916 Dodge St Hign . 1893
Jane E. Redgwlck, 2912 Shirley St.; lark . !l903
Wallace Shepard. 4915 Canltol Ave uiah '
William Stewart, 1215 South Fourteenth St Comenius ".T! . . . . . 1904
vioiei oimpson, ziia Harney St
Phllllppi Spatola, 2227 PUrce St ,
Sephan Spellc, 1807 South Pierce St
Earl J. Turner, 939 North Twenty-seventh St.
Hazel Turnqulst, 981 North Twenty-seventh St.
Mlna A. Valentine, 4213 Ohio 8t
Frank N. Wolf, 1536 South Twenty-seventh St.
Helen Yates, 2117 Wirt St.......
.Central ......... 1903
.Mason ......... .190"
.St. Joseph.. ..... .1902
.Kellom ..; ..1897
.Webster ..1902
Clifton Hill....;. .1902
Park .1904
.Lothrop , . .1899
If
At the Party
"Don't say any anything to make Mrs.
Ieeder laugh. Her enamel's cracking."
"The man who Just came In? He's Mrs.
Muldrum's second husband. I've forgottea
his name."
"You never know whom you're going to
bump against when you come to a place
like this."
"Watch out here she comes. Yes, in
deed, Mrs. Gwimp, we're enjoying ourselves
Immensely." Chicago Tribune.
Female Fascinations Easily Summarized
Wooing the Mice
J
A renting agent and ' tha city salesman
for a carpet sweeper concern met in an
iapartmenl house ball. Ttiry had met there
'before. v - L L. i. -.'
"Seems to ma." said the renting aent,
"that you ar doing "a -land office busi
ness among my tenants' - . '
"Pretty fair," said the salesmsn.
"Funny the sweepers A ear out so soon,"
aid tha agent "But that is nut the only
gunny thing about this house. There are
tha mica. 1 am here to see about tha mice.
There shouldn't toe a mouse on the place,
Cor all the tenants seem to be good house
.keepers, yet -every'1 little while somebody
complains of mice.
"Our errands bre originate In tha same
4-ause," aald. be salekmailt "Every woman
(In the hiKise la aralra with her carpet
.weeper. She leaves crumbs in it over night.
iTJtat brings the mKe, which irlbble the
f verger trying to get at the crumbs, and
as.UKi end you an I 1 make these periodical
call, to 'get 'fid of be mice, I to sell
a weepors,'.' .
Missionary Tree
-J
- A a. Ikatre-sarly X..'al Issae.
"Charlav dear," said young Mrs. Tor
Vlns, ,"d you ttiluk you. and I will ever
Sea srloUir trouble 'with the Japanese?"
"No." replied her huband. wearily, "not
tinle we happt-n ,ta gv( a Japanese cook."
-)?shliiglun ir.
, .,-
lelas4 Waaae-a H is.
, ' The men In the towa council of tha capl-
tsl of Iceland wanttd to light 'the city with
lectiVlly stoA tha Women wanted gss.
at that Uey could cook by it. The vote
was a tl and' the rnsyor. siding alia ths
Rojuea, gtawUl bow be used.
A missionary, during a Ienten tea. said,
pointedly:
"I hava established missionary -trees all
over tha country. But perhaps you don't
know what a missionary treeNls? A mis-'
fionary tree is one whose profit goes en
tirely to missions.
"A New York farmer haa . In his apple
orchard a golden pippin tree that helps to
support the Chinese missions. A Klortda
woman has an orange tree that helps to
uplift the cannibals of New Guinea. A
California nut farmer devotes a walnut
tree to the spread of tha faith In Zansibar.
"Missionary trees," the speaker ended,
"ara very good things, but the principle
that underlies them , need not be confined
tu farms and farmers." New York Times.
Brala Pavaaltce.
Dr. S. Weir Mllobell, Philadelphia's fa
mous author and nu - leas famous neu
rologist, haa no sympathy with, that type
of writer who continually ' ace uses ths
publisher of cheating hlrn. Dr. Mitchell,
condemning this type bf writer, said some
time ago at the Franklin Ir.n:
"One of these fellows proposed, at a
publishers' banquet la ' New York, ths
toast: - -.;
"To tha publisher, wlia always drinks
his win out of ths author's skulL' "
same-tlaae-a aa AffJIctlaa.
"Have ypu always enjoyed good health?"
ssked the life Insurance physician of the
prospective policy holder.
"yes, through the winter months- In
ths base ball season t o afflicted with lt"
Philadelphia Times.
f rxji.. ii i if i ii i .i i in ii i i iiin i jgwwswigjaarMiw Jim i 1 " 'iJJH 1 SV 11 ! ."s.
c i nu "i TV? n
'"I have fqund the most wonderful iall
cloUBly funny book," exclaimed tha feminine
oracle with an enthusiasm she never dis
played toward tha publications of the hour.
"It is called 'The American Lady' and
was published in 1R39. The dear old gentle
man who wrote it evidently thought he was
being terribly radical vvhen he urged that
women should be educated. Here Is a quo
tation," and she proceeded to read It with
much derisive expression:
'Tho enlargement of the female under
standing is the most likely means to put
an end to those petty and absurd conten
tions for equality wjiich female smatterers
so anxiously maintain.'
"Now what do you think of that?" she
asked.
"I think the old fellow was an optimist,"
replied the student of femininity. "So far
as I can see the female smatterer is con
tending just as hard no, a thousand times
harder today."
His eyes. twinkled as he spoke, but the
red flag of danger was flying in tha cheeks
of the oracle and her voice shook with In
dignation aa she answered:
I would rather, hava been a dog than
a woman when men could write like that!
I could cry when I think my 7poor grand
mother had to read It and take It seriously!
Imagine not being able to laugh at such
a stupid, pompous, rid
vulgar old fool; such a!"
"Hold on!" cried the student. In nm.
alarm. "You needn't be so sorry for your
grandmother. From that picture you showed
me sne iook arter her granddaughter and
was a very fascinating woman."
It was Impossible for the oracle to re.
press her smile of mollification.
j
Nevertheless," she said, rather t.inu-
"what has feminine fascination to do with
the subject we are discussing?"
"Everything!" promptly answered tha
student. "A fascinating woman rules her
own world. 6he makes her oWn laws. No
matter what her disadvantages on tha
statute books she can do anything and
everything she pleases."
A look of acute distress crossed her coun
tenance. "Oh dear!" she exclaimed . petulantly,
"it's talk like thst which makes a woman
a woman that men like wish that she
was a missionary to the heathen."
"But that's Just what's she is," ha Inter
rupted. "A missionary to heathen men
that would languish In darkn.su and tha
barbarism of ugliness If she weren't a
living gospel of sweetness and loveliness."
"What eloquence!" Jeered the famlnina
oracle. "But what do you mean by a
fascinating woman, anyhow? Now, I
dont want you to get personal. I want
you to discuss woman In the abstract"
"But I don't care for women In tha
abstract," the student objected. "What
does it matter to a man whether a woman
has brains or not compared with certain
other qualities? He has a brain of his
own! What makes a woman fascinating
to him Is not her points of resemblsnca,
but her points of difference, her csndor,
her ingenuousness, sometimes even her
sllllnetis, her cute little ways, her funny
little fibs, her oh, I could talk an hour
and not be able to explain."
"But suppose you had to summarise ths
subject?'' she asked.
"I can do It In one word of three let.
ters!" said the student boldly," and tha
letters ara Y-O U!"
How Coffee is Spoiled
A family living In East Orange has a
modal servant who has proved herself the
best cook they aver had, but she baa In
sisted upon making up all her dishes
trlctiy according to her awn rwoalpta.
"Margaret," said the mistress, ens day,
"tha coffee you ara giving us Is very good.
What kind is it?"
"It la no kind at all, mum," was ths re
ply. "It's a mixture."
"Well, won't you tell ma how you mix It?"
"Sure, mum. I make It one-quarter
Mocha, one-quarter Java and one-quarter
Rio."
"Tee, but that Is only three-quarters.
What da you put la for tha other quarter?"
"Why. I put in no other quarter at all,
num. That'a where sa many people spoil
their ouffea, mum. by puttln' In a fourth
quarter, mum." cJuocwas Magaslne.
r
The Kaiser's Cold
I!
When tha Kaiser takes cold tha court
sneezes.
Tha Kaiser to tha Waiting Chamberlain
Wad Is Id you wad?
Tha Chamberlain Your Majestad, I hab
sub papers for you to side.
Tha Imperial Aid Do pad ad Ing ara
here, your Majeatad.
Tha Kaiser Wheds de madder, boys?
You bode got. colds?
Tha First Lady in Waiting, in, the door
wayYour Hldeas, da Embresa-wlll wald
apod you.
Tha Kaiser Whad, anodderl Is de in
flueedta sa brevalend?
The Chamberlain, bowing low Imidashud
Is de sldserest fladdery, your Hldess.
Tha Kaiser, much pleased Dad a vary
touching. I thag yeu id ds cab of Gar.
snaay.-;iavela&4 Plalndeaier.