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About Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922 | View Entire Issue (April 25, 1911)
4m ar- jjj 'nut. n iini'itii iiUi t; 1 it The omaha Daily bee POINDED UT EDWARD KOBEWATKK. VICTOR llOSKWATER. EDITOR. Knici'cd at Omaha postofflea aa second tlas matter. TEHMa OF BCHSCRIPTION: Sunday Uee. ona ear II W Saturday ilee, nna year 1 (0 Dally Hee (Without Sunday), ona year., ton l-iuny Kee and Sunday, una year IW Dfc-l.JVfc.KEL UV CARKIER. KvrniiiK Uee (without Sunday), per mo..3ftc KvrnitiK Hee (with Hundayi, pr munih..4uc l'aily oca Hmiudlng Hundayi, par mo. .nix: I'aily He 8 (without Hundayi, per month .40 Audi rna an cumplalnta of u regularities In ielivery to City Circulation Department. 0riCE3. Omaha Tha Lea Banding Mouth Omaha-V t. 1 weuty-fourth St. i ouiicll tMutfe 16 tcoti fct. Lincoln-, Little building. t h lingo IMS Marquatui uulldlng. Kansas City Reliance Building. itew York, U Went Thill) -thud St. Wanhlngton 7L5 fourteenth St., N. W. CORUKSI'ONDENCE. Communications relating to newa and ed liurlal matter alinuld be addreaaed Omaha ite, Editorial Department. itEAii'l 'l A.NCES. Keiuit by drfi, express or poslal order, p.iui to j lie Uee i'iiuIIbiiiiis company, only .-ient elauipe received In payment of iiiaii accounts. I'uriuti.l checks except on omaha anu eastern exchange not accepted. MARCH CIRCULATION. 48,017 Hate of Nebraska, v ouiity of Douglas, aa; Dwlght Wllllama. circulation manager ol 1 ha Use Publishing Company, being duly svvurn, auya that the average dally clrcu latlun, leaa epolled, unuaed and returned roplen, for the month of March, ml. waa i,vl7. DWHJllT W1LUAMB, Circulation Manager. Munscrlhcd In niy presence and aworn to before ma tlila 31st day of March, ioeai.1 hOtlkK'l HUWTKM, Notary Public. Subscribers leavlsg) ths iT -porarlly abonld hare The Baa nailed theaa. Address will be The fiew "Hetty Green" style of hat ought to be popular In price. What will Texag do for summer Ex citement If they end the war? ' The advent of the Jeweled anklet brings up the skirt question again. It Is a fact, none the less, that no more bullets crossed the line at Doug las, Ariz. It seems Just as well now that Mayor Gaynor was not hauled out for governor. A few more good rubbings and the burnt cork will come off -of some of those Black Hands. Here comes the Omaha Commercial club 1,000 members strong, sounds much more formidable. No matter about the tariff, Mr. Common People must have bis grand opera at no matter what cost. It Is really astonishing to And out how much those Mexican federals and rebeli actually love each other, after all. Somehow old Vox Popull and Bono Publico are not sending In many peti tions protesting against changing schedule K. Unless a fall-down happens some where, Omaha Is booked for six elec tions with six months. Nothing like getting the. habit. Anyone else want a public service franchise to capitalize the streets of Omaha for the stock market? Don't all speak at once. Mr. Taft has shifted Mr. Boutell from Portugal to Switzerland. Prob ably thought he bad served his term with the Insurgents. Dr. ' Pearsons may give no more to education, but he has given enough to send his splendid influence on down through many a long year. Bo determined Is Dixie to control the pie counter of the present congress that a man by the name' of South has been appointed, chief clerk of the house. Eminent statesmen will debate whether whiskers are a greater detri ment than a bald head. There Is this to be said, that whiskers are a man's own fault Let us see If Omaha cannot for once have its streets put in passable condi tion without keeping the main thor oughfares blockaded through most of the Beason. , These - college professors who are raising the cry that all women in this country will be brunettes In a few years must have been Jilted some time or other by a blonde. If Wu Ting-fang does come back once more as the Chinese minister he should be more popular than ever with our women for cheapening rats by an nihilating the Chinamen's queues. Omaha can have more policemen if the city council will help the police board piece out - the police fund. Merely sitting back and saying there Is no money in sight will not do it. In that great debate which is to de termine "Whether whiskers are a greater detriment to a man than a bald head," we insist that Mayor "Jim" be admitted to perform along with the other entries. It makes no difference whether Lin coln goes wet or dry. Oniaba may aa well be Vrepared to take the blame. If Lincoln goes wet Omaha liquor in terests will be accused of furnishing the money, and If Lincoln goes dry it c a charged up to Omaha's desire fo be the only big city In Nebraska where a man can get a drink without nutting on a disguise. The Mexican Trace. It Is to be hoped the truce entered Into between the Mexican federals and rebels Will lead quickly to per manent peace, but this Is not the time to become over-sanguine about It. Madero seems to have vindicated some of the unfavorable ImpresHions formed of him as a war strategist, for It can now scarcely be doubted that his reiterated threats to take Juares "within twenty-four hours" were part of a scheme to bring the government to time. Yet the point raised by Benora Madero that her husband would be In, a better position to treat with the government In control of Juares than perched upon some of Its surrounding hills Is not to be dis missed without consideration. The wisdom of his position from a strat egical point is yet to be determined. It Is -remarkable how felicitous General Diat is in his expressions of anxiety for peace without coming to terms with the enemy. What puzzles the outside world Is the question how a permanent settlement ran have been so long delayed when the government stands ready to concede all that Diaz Is accredited with promising. The re ports say that President Dlas has sent for General Reyes, who is in Paris, to return at once and aid In the restoration of peace and order and that Senor Reyes asserts that he will leave Paris within a fortnight. The armistice just made is only for five days, but of course it Is subject to renewal or continuation. But it is quite likely that normal conditions In Mexico are some distance In the future yet. The more the war is viewed, with Its terrible train of losses in life and property on one hald and on the other the apparent readiness of the government to treat for peace, the more must the conviction force itself upon the mind that with but a little dispassionate statesmanship the con flict might have been avoided and the problems worked out by peaceable methods. ' More Vote-Buying Disclosures. Wise county, West Virginia, and Jersey county, New Jersey, seem to have Joined the vote-buying brigade led with such eclat by Adams county. Ohio, and Vermilion county, Illinois, to say nothing of several counties in southern Delaware. A Judge from the bench in a West Virginia county re cently declared that he had the best of reasons for believing that no fewer than 800 rotes were bought and sold at the last election and a special leg islative committee in New Jersey re ports that it has evidence of the Il legal disposition of from 1,000 to J.000 In Jersey county. Six hundred witnesses have been heard from. This traffic in votes aua-ura tha most disconcerting outlook for those who wish to maintain the integrity of the ballot and the government. It must be suppressed before it will have Intrenched itself so securely as to be come a national menace. The vote- seller must be made to see and feel the enormity of his offense, but the vote-buyer cannot be overlooked In the effort to bring to Justice the vio lator of law. Eager as a man might oe to sell his vote, he could not spII it were there none to buy it. Public officials whose duties oblige them to protect the people In their right to a fair election should not shirk the responsibilities, no mattno how near home performance of it might come. We mar enact ail purlty-of-electlon laws that our statute ooofcs will contain, but without fear less officials, they will be of little effect. ' Cue of the Apaches. A few Apache Indian survivors of Mascalero who' have for the last twenty-five years remained prisoners of war, now seek complete release from this nominal restraint and probably will get it. In the meantime, how ever, they have received from a benef icent paternal government much more than ia usually accorded prisoners of war. The government haa never loaf. lght of the fact that, though nom inally prisoners, the Indians were yet its wards and as such were entitled to the beneficent influences of a white man's government. So they have been admitted to very generous benefactions. They have been educated not only in book learn ing, but in the rudiments and details of farming and they have been given valuable land and live stock, for their own Independent enrichment. And reporta show that they have improved all these opportunities. They have prospered under the paternal direc tion' of the government until today their per capita wealth amounts to $1,700, a very tidy sum Indeed. They have great areas of fertile soil, im mense herds of cattle and, better still, they have the knowledge and the love of agriculture, constraining them to take of their own choosing the ways of peace and industry as opposed to those of war and Indolence. No doubt these tribesmen of old Oeronlmo feel that they have been the most fortunate prisoners of war that ever fell Into the enemy's power. Where they would have been had not their great chieftains surrendered or been captured Is a mn. far too uncertain to contemplate They have probably lost nothing but have gained much by hav ing been for this quarter of a century the prisoners as well as the wards of a government good enough to give them a square deal and great enough to afford them superior opportunities of development. Of course, the gov ernmeat has nothing now to fear from the Apaches and as there are only a handful of the survivors of Maecslero. it could well afford to release them from the nominal embargo and let them go to their native land. Noblesse Oblige. Nebraska lias a new law requiring all men hunters and fishermen of IS years or more to pay a II licence and Tha Omaha bee expects that a handsome fund will be raised "for the purpose of storking tha streams and fields of the Mate." Sucl nag the dream of Hprlngfipld's flh and game association when the Massachusetts hunters' license was provided for. and It II to be hoped that Nebraska will employ tha fund It Is to get aa the makera of the law IMendPd It to be applied. In Iowa a simi lar law has produced something like 1100,000. It Is to be observed that the Nebraska Kama law does not apply to women, who may hunt whera they please without li cense. Pray why not have equal rights In this business? Springfield Republican. Our esteemed Springfield Repub lican does not appreciate the spirit of gallantry that permeates our Ne braska law-makers. It Is not the dol lars of the Dianas that we want in our coffers especially as they would probably come out of some man's pocket, anyway but a discriminating bounty put up as an encouragement to true sportsmanship among the fem inine part of the population. The in vitation is open to the women to show equal ability as marksmen and an glers when the women take the lion's share of the game and the fish, the men may want the tables turned. The Dynamiters. From time to time for several years the country has been startled by a succession of dynamite outrages cul minating in the destruction of the Los Angeles Times building last fall, with the lives of twenty-one innocent peo ple blotted out by the blast. It is no wonder, therefore, that in tense interest is aroused everywhere over the announcement that the per petrators have been located and ap prehended, and that the death-dealing explosions are the work of a so-called "wrecking gang" operating in the in terest, of, If not in connection with, the international organization of structural iron workers, whose secre tary is accused of being the guiding spirit. i And yet, much as every decent citi zen hopes and wishes that these guer illas of industrial warfare be brought fully to account, the methods em ployed in seizing the suspects and rushing them across the continent without opportunity to assert the legal rights generally accorded even the most desperate professional criminal is calculated to treate a sympathetic reaction in their favor, and to strengthen the defense sure to be in terposed for them by their labor union co-workers, that they are the victims of a "Job" put up by clever detectives Inspired by the prospect of the big re wards hung up. If the identification cf the men Is unquestioned and the evidence incontrovertible, -it would seem that no harm could have come by following the customary course of extradition, though it caused a delay of a few days, or even a few weeks. It is above all sincerely to be hoped that when the trials ensue, assuming that the accused do not plead guilty, the proof of guilt or Innocence will be so conclusive as to make the popular verdict practically unanimous. In naming the three members of the new commission to codify the statute law of Nebraska Governor Aldrich has made his selections without giving representation to the var of Omaha and Douglas county, which handles at least a fourth of the litigation of the state and whose numbers and caliber cannot be minimized. We do not know what Influence brought the gov ernor to his decision to ignore the bar of this district in this connection, but we believe he would have made a bet ter distribution of the places. Before Governor Aldrich listens to talk about instituting more ouster procedlngs. against Omaha's city offi cials he will do well to wait for the cost bills in the ouster procedlngs In stituted by Governor Shallenberger against Chief of Police Donahue. It may be a question whether the state could get its money's worth. And then, too, there Is a grand Jury al ready called right her In Omaha be fore which lanyone with a complaint may present all the evidence he has. One of the gentlemen said to have contributed f 10,000 to the Lorlmer Jackpot violently denounces all news papers and newspaper men, saying they are not fit to "live on this earth." That ought to give Lorlmer a clean hill without going further. Those poor Apaches who have been prisoners of war for twenty-five years have done a good deal better than some freemen white folks, mighty few of whom have accumulated a per cap ita, wealth of $ 1.700. A SatlafylataT Sltaatlos. Indianapolis News. Reports from Washington indicate that Mr. Taft la a good deal better able to stand aiona than tha republican sena tors and representatives ar to stand to gether. Ikrcwg ! War. Philadelphia Record. Insurrarto Madera has a double purpose In doing his fighting whera if ha is whipped ha can readily escape to neutral territory, or tf ha can manage to bring on a shoot up of a Tankee observation camp ha can create a pretext for Intervention. . - - Dewa ! Sharg. Tasks. Pittsburg Dispatch. Bz-Benator Aldrlch's fa-mo ua statement that a good business man could aave 1300, 000,000 a year In tha government expend! turea, boba up again In provoking tha re flection that ona Item of tha retrench ment might be the abolition of the lama duck monetary commission, of which be la chairman. NEBRASKA PRESS COMMENT. ' Norfolk Nrws: Over Kf0 rural delivery rarrlera mako a dally round st an annual expense to the government of mora than' I40.ono.0on. it seems a strange thing that they can't be used to handle pure Is as well. Blue Siring Pentlnel: The value of farm landa la Nebraska la given by census au thorities a tl.Sll.Ki7.00n. That la quite an array of figures and don't you wish you owned a half section of It? It's mighty good stuff. Plattamoulh Journal: The new president of the Missouri Pacific Rkllroad compuny, M. O. Rush haa a great opportunity to rehabilitate that railroad, not only physi cally but spiritually to re-egufp It, not alone with rails and rolling stock, but with popular go6d will. Falls City Journal: Tha Anti-Saloon league claims to have defeated seventeen ranril. datea for the legislature and one for con gress. The name of the congressman Is not specified, but It was an dpen secret during tha campaign that Prink II arrlann and his brand of preachers were against Billy Ha ward, llayward discovered after election that the base ball fans were less numerous than the combined strength of the personal liberty and anti-saloon forces which went to McOuIra each for Its own reason. Central City Nonpareil: If It la ever wise to offend tha constitution, Governor Aldrich haa ample Justification for tha slight ha put upon that sacred docu man t mYtmn Via an. pointed Representative P. C. Johnaon to be chaplain of the penitentiary, Rev. Mr. Johnson filled that responsible position with creau lor several terms and Introduced many reforms during hla Incumbency that lifted the management of that Institution to a higher Uvl ui. ..nji... - . of the house during tha last session waa marKea oy a broad conception of tha state's needs and hla culture, courteav ant unr.n. Ing good humor made, him popular with both "wets" and "drys." Falls City Journal: The telegraphlo news reports Senator Hitchcock aa failing n. one of the public buildings In Washington and losing consciousness, belnr overcome by a sudden attack of vertigo. Some how or other tba democrats are unfortunate In keeping tha senators they send from this state on their feet after getting them to Washington. When windy Bill Allen waa senator his logs sometimes also had tha vertlKo. Now if Jim Dahlman had been sent to Washington to represent this state buuoi nis legs would have failed him On occasions, but nnhnriir nlJ v. ised him of having water on the brain ' vertigo. exceDt from ..o,i.. ... dry that found Ha way to his stomach. The republican aenatora have hn a.i keep their legs, but have had difficulty In m trying to straddle every po litical fence they meet in their wobbling BURY THE MAINE. Deep Water Grave Moat SaltabU PJace for Wreck. Philadelphia Bulletin. Anticipating the successful r.i.in, hulk of the Maine In Mvn hi. oma patriotic societies are now planning - pennon to congress asking that the wreck be towed back to the tTrtu s..... and established at soma suitable point as a national memorial of the events of 18M. It Is understood that it Is the purpose of w.o e.uuuniatraiion, arter the remains of the crew have been t&ken from h. and opportunity has been afforded for ueiorminmg tn cause of tha disaster, to sink tha wreck in daen .... harbor, or otherwise destroy It x-udiio opinion sheuld sustain ths ad ministration In fh. n i J """ reservation of tha wreak' Jean serve little good. ' It wou.a not pe e. memorial of heroism or bravery or devotion to a causa for which men lay down their Mves. It could not, except by reckless distortion of history, be a memorial of national altruism and '' l"r numanity to which as a people we like to asorlbe our intar.ntin ... Cuban situation. Its actual service, in the i. us Teaamg or history, would be to com memorate a colossal blunder the Uvea of about M0 men. And this would remain true whether the wreck of the Maine shall be found to have hun to an internal or external explosion, or to nave oeen accidental or plotted by either Spaniard or Cuban. Our relations with nna In anil fnh are rnrrt ( t tk.. i - ...... . , nine reason lor reopening old sores, and leas for per- pciuaung mem. And If there la any rea son for further memorialising h. ...... for which United States troops fought in wuoa, or tha valor with which they fought, whether on land or .run.. thing mora appropriate than this old hulk snouia De cnosen. People; Talked About ERLANOEft In tba moments between tha aota of rak ing In tba money for the theatrical syndi cate tta manager, A. L. Brlanger busies himself playing hand ball or reading Kapoleonlo history. Major William Phillips, the oldest Mason and Odd Fellow In tha United States, died at Smiley, Tex. Ha was M years old and had been a member of tba Masonic fra ternity for sixty-five year and of tha Odd Fellows for sixty-two years. Henry Brown, W years old, a roommate of Abraham Lincoln whan the latter waa practicing law in Bloomlnrton, III., died on his farm near that city. Ha had many letters written to him by Lincoln, and these, with other Linooln documents. have been bequeathed to tha State His torical society. Carter H. Harrison, fifth time mayor of Chicago, wis tl years of age last Sunday. The fact that ho was born In a Ova-story house Instead of a log cabin makes his winning power the mors Inexplicable. Tha Harrison hotel whera he was born still stands In Chicago and was ona of ths few buildings unsoathsd by the great fire of "H. Andy Tcto, who recently gained hla lib erty after serving twenty years of a life sentence In Riverside penitentiary at Pitts burg for a murder of which hs was gul It leas, is applying again for admittance to the prison which he haa known aa home for so long. Toth has found it almost Im possible to gain a livelihood, and la un willing to become a burdtn on hla rela tives and frleuda Army Gossip Matters of Interest oa and Back cf tha rirtDf X.laa Cleaned from tiie Army and stay merlster Brigadier General James Allen, chief Sig nal officer of the army, expects to have from twenty lu thirty line Offlrers detailed this year for training in aeronautics In connection with the aeroplanes which will be acquired in accordance with the recent appropriation of )I16,04 for that purpose, and about four of which machines will be operated at College Park. Md. Only thoae officers who apply for tha detail will be assigned to this work. Already a number ef applications have been received, and un duubtatliy a number of others will be filed at the Var department before long. A number of canu,dws for appointment as acting dental surgfons have bsrome In eligible by a narrow margin of age. In one cans the candidate rt-ached the age of 17 years on April 14, and while he had passed the physical examination and had been notified that he ahould present him self for tha professional examination, It haa been held that ha la not eligible to appointment as an acting dental surgeon because tha law authorising tha army dental corpa provldea that the original ap pointmenta to that corps shall ba ao acting dental surgeons and that appointees aa acting dental surgeons must be Citlsena between 21 and J7 years of ua. Th . department has no discretion In ths matter, the law being specific in tha matter of tha age limit Field company 1 of the signal corps com manded by Captain Carl F. Hartman of that corps, haa been aaslgned to duty with the Independent cavalry brUada In Tma under command of Brigadier General waiter B. Schuyler and consisting nf ta Ninth and Eleventh regiments of cavalry. inis company will be used in connection with reconaalsanca and other work of the brigade with a view of determining ih. efficiency of the present Personnel and equipment In maintaining communication Between advancing cavalry columns and between ths columns and the rear. Floin companies A and D of the signal corps at San Anaonlo, constitute a battalion un der command of Major George O. Bquler, chief signal officer of tha mm.uv.r ti. vision. This battalion has been engaged worKing out tactical problema with tha maneuver division. Field comDanv K nt the signal corpa under command of Cap tain Menry w. Stamford la attached to tha provisional brigade of troops at San Diego.' Cal. The gtatuB. duty and designation of army officers, who are carried on the register as "addltlonals" by virtue of the legislation which corrected the Inequalities Of former regimental promotion, are still under consideration by the War depart ment. It was proposed to carry the sur plus colonels, for Instance, on the list as "unasslgned," which term would apply impartially to those advanced to the grade In tho regular way to flu vacancies and those who were promoted and became extra officers In accordance with the law of March 8. Officers who are not In command of regiments, it has been pro posed, should ba recorded as "unasslgned." There has been some objection to this ar rangement It being pointed out. for one thing, that ths term is likely to convey the erroneous Impression, of possible In justice to an officer, of lack of useful employment. It haa been urged that all the .officers, Including the addltlonals. be asaigned to regiments, eltfter to fill va cancies existing In the command when they might be on detached service from the reglment-or to duty with the regiment. Something ought to be done to fill the existing vacancies in the position of cadet at tha United States Military academy. Every year a large number of vacancies are caused by the fact that ths repre sentatives and senators who have appoint ments to make fall to nominate, or the nominated cadets fail to pass the entrance amlnatlon to be held, beginning on May I. partment that the existing vacancies be filled as a result of the additional ex amination to be held, beginning on Nay I. It Is a serious matter for tha army when so many vacancies continue at West Point It means a shortage of officers. Following Is a list of ths cadetshlps which are un provided with candidates for the coming examination : Arkansas, Second and Seventh congres sional districts. Illinois, Fifteenth congressional dlstrlot Iowa, Ninth congressional dlstrlot. Kansas, Third congressional district Louisiana. Third congressional district. Mississippi, Senator Percy; First. Third, Fourth and Eighth congressional districts. Missouri, Twelfth congressional dlHtrlct. Nebraska, First and Sixth congressional districts. New York, Third, Ninth and Thirty-fifth congressional districts. Oregon, Senator Chamberlain. Pennsylvania, Sixteenth, Seventeenth and Thirty-second congressional districts. South Carolina, Third congressional dis trict. Souths Dakota, Senator Crawford. Utah. Senator Smoot. Wisconsin, Senator La Folletts. PLAYING THE GAME. Political Schemes of De aocrats la Congrress. New Tork Bun. If thers Is fear In any quarter that the democrats will revise all tha protection out of the woolen or ' any other schedule of tho Payne law, It la groundless. Nothing oould bs mors comical than tho report that "democrats from wool growing states view with siarta ths proposal that ths woolen rates ahall be out to tha bona In some in stances and In others bs wiped out alto gether." Tha Hon. Champ Clark and ths Hon. Oscar Underwood have no such sinis ter designs upon ths tariff. Revenue must be raised for ths support of ths govern ment; ths democratic party is a good pro tectionist party, although sometimes called "free trade" by republican orators; and sufficient duties must bs spared to avoid a deficit It should be understood that the dem ocratic leaders will do nothing to spoil ths oh aiioe of electing a president and that they will leave nothing undone to promote ths suoeass of their party la tha ejection next year. So far It has been smooth sail ing. It Is sasy to Introduce reform bills and speed them on their way by tha ma jority vote In the house of representatives. Tba Canadian reciprocity bill and tha farmers' free list bill are easily prepared and launched; even a bill amending ached ula K might be steered through ths house; but getting them passed by ths senate. there's ths rub I Already the democrats In the house plums themselves upon their re form measures, and It Is true they have shown unwonted activity and method as well as ahrewd tactical skill. The truth la that thus far they have been playing tbalr trumps, of which they hold a good band. but ths trouble will corns when they try to take tricks with tha other cards. As r garde general tariff revision, aside from reciprocity with Canada, they wilt have to reckon with recalcitrants In their own household, as well aa with ths senate; and It Is no part of their plsn to out deep Into tha protective principle, much less andan ger revenue. Tbalr pulley Is transparent. They art POTSE3 Absolutely Puro The official Government tests show Royal Baking Powder to bo an absolutely puro and healthful grape cream of tartar baking powder, and care should be taken to prevent the substitution of any other brand in its place With no other agent can bis cuit, cake and hot-breads be made so pure, healthful and delicious. Royal Baking Powder costs only a fair price per pound, and is cheaper and better at its price than any other baking powder ia the world. It makes pure, dean, healthful food. v ttoyl Cook &yok800 Receipts Free. Send Name and Aiirett. ROYAL BAKING sowers CO., NEW YORK. going to put revision up to President Taft and the republican senate and In a way that makes co-operation Impossible; and then they propose to go to the country and say: "We have done our best to revise tha tariff, but we have failed beiauce we do not control the government." POLITICAL POINTERS. Wall Street Journal: IirlniAr'i cost nf whitewash ia wearing through at the el bows. Louisville Courier Journal: It mav amuse Uncle Joe Cannon to set un a blackboard and act schoolmaster to the house, but he might remember that there are some pretty big boys In school able to lick the teacher. Houston Post: "Nature evens all thlnn sgyg gome gump In Boston who claims to Be a scientist. How can he sav anvthlmr so absurd when Senator Kern haa whiskers all over hla face and Olile James hasn't a hair on hla head? Boston Transcript: The Lorlmer aranrfal Is touching tho epigrammatic stage In Illi nois. Kx-8enstor Hopkins testified that when he wag approached with a suggestion that hs could seoure ten democratic votes "If the right thing were done," he answered that he was "a candidate for the United states senate, not for the penitentiary." Pittsburg Dispatch: Governor Harmon and Governor Wilson are both bulking large for the democratic nomination in 1K12. It is a little early for presidential bonma hot either will be a good leader for progressive democracy, the more laudable because his nomination would sdbII defeat fnr h. scheme of the "Interests" to capture ths democratic party to defeat Taft. FLOATING SMILES. Bhe 1 will have no amoklng In this house. Do you understand? He Yes. Please extend this prohibition to the stoves. Baltimore American. Doctor You are considerably under weight, sir. What have you been doing? Patient Nothing. But I'm a retired grocer, doc Puck. ''FMft vnn V.n . h ' 1 . , i m- . . i7 ; ins mi woman said to the specialist? ' vv nac "Hs told her not to bant and she told him not to banter." Indianapolis Newa. "I have a very effective way of leading up to a spring gown." "How do you work itf" "I begin by talking to my husband about a trip to Europe. Eventually he Is glad to compromise." Washington Herald. "How often do the aa VHnlWII V... InAiial. Visit you?" the traveler ahaent mliirf.Jlu asked. '() ahnnt evarv flva A alr i -. -. , u - westerner answered, with a yawn." "I I beg your pardon; I waan't thinking what I was saying." "'Sail right, can'n: nalthar maa 1 ' Chicago Tribune. Maud Did the bride's father irlva har awey? Tom I ahould say ha did. Whv. all through the ceremony he looked tickled to death. Indianapolis News. "Wall, aay, If they abolish the English lords. It's going to play ths mischief with the British drama. "Eh! How ao?" "Why, what's going to become of the footman who always comes In and says, 'Me lud, me loldy desires your presence in th' drorlng room' ?" Cleveland Plain Dealer. Diogenes was looking for an honest man. "You don't have to look, you onlv have to listen," we cried. New York Hun. Mra. Vick-Senn O, yes; you're a regular martyr you are. All you need Is a halo. ner MusDana i m rapiaiy acquiring that, too, madam. About all the hair I've got left la a fringe around ths crown of my naa.-nicu4so xriDune. "Your new maid has an InaDDronrlate sort of dignity, hasn't she?" "I should say so! When I asked her to dust the other maid's room this morn ing, she sw.pt the request aside." Balti more American. "I wonder why the soldiers are In Texas?" began the patrolman affably. Tha man anting next to him In the car appeared to bs aurprlsed. "I didn't know there were any soldiers in Texas," he said. "Didn't know there were soldiers in Texas?" said ths officer. "Bay, give me THIS BANK Itt 54th In Its During; all this time It bas commanded the .confi dence of the people. This confidence is still evidenced by the dally opening of new accounts and tha constantly Increasing volume of business. Your account is Invited. I A0 your name and B(llres. You will be wanted on a Jury one of these days." Buffalo Express. Peter Cfln you give my dauchter tha comforts to which aha haa bean accus tomed? Suitor Yes. sir. I've breakfasted at your home, and I'm certain that I can complsln shout the cotfeee, read the Vnper, demand the discharge of the cook and announce that I II dine at the club. Toledo HlB.de. ANTICIPATION. When weary, lame and footsore I wait a home-bound car: - I off observe how selfish My fellow creatures are, Who sail by In an auto With that stony-etarlng habit It sfems a Bin but wait till I win That Apperson "Jack Rabbit." When In the early morning hours My dreams are rent In twain, By the bawling of my neighbors cow And I can't get to sleep again, There la a thought of sweet revenge (Vmes to nie with that solo Just wait till I win bv my waking wits That "Regent" Orafonola. When I am Cooped tip In a flat And distracted by ttie noise That emanates from tli precious throats Of musical girls or hova. Oh, then 'twill be a bleuslng A decided blessing to me That player piano I'm going to win By my wits from The Daily Bee. it When I am a full-fledged poet With an attic end a crust And the attic rent I cannot raise. And the verdict Is "bent it or bust." Oh. what a blessing It will be In my reduced condition To camp on the lot I'm coins: to win Out there In Tukey's addition. Omaha. BAYOLIj NE TREI,E. If Your Feet Could Talk "The Stetson Corndodger" would be their cry the shoe that allows,the toes to breathe. The favorite of particular men who enjoy foot-comfort the shoe for fussy feet It is our business to settle the shoe problem for you. We can settle it for all time by fitting you with The Stetson Corn dodger. Wealsohave the latest Stetson models for the young man who wants style, It snap and vim. For Said by . IIAYDEH BROS. Omaha. Agents. "Stetsons eost more by the pair, but less by the year." Wholesale & Retail havens-white; coal co. TV 1 I COAL If i 1 !tMHA.NE.l .1 t 1710 FAftNAM st: ras-attiUa aad.A42ll r Yc ar ; a rrt zr-z. :- -- '-aell i