1
The ee' Jm M&a z i rp
The Deci Junior Birthday DooH
The Hotel Lobbyist Tel1' Chaii War" u
by Walter a b.nclair. College Never Had a
the Electoral
his is tlie Da
Yell.
-J
TTTK TEE: OMAHA. FRIDAY, ATOIL 21. lnil.
"Did you see they've1 not a bill at Wuh
Irftnn to errata a United States unlver
Yit?" Inquired the Chair Wirmfr, hunch
ing his chair over.
1 ' vveil.' they've irot an elertoral college
already" replied th Hotel Lobbyist. "Hut
the students who attend It are freshmen,
sops, junior and seniors all In one day,
and sit their -diplomas Immediately. They
miss a reatneal of that college life you
hear so much, about that ti so edlfylnic to
our young men starting- out In life. ThoBe
electoral rollers boys never Ret to the
stage where they have bulldog pipes con
demned' by the health department; they
never steal street signs, play the mandolin
or lean) a yell Nor do they ever have a
winning fsot fall team.
"Therefore, It's Just as well we have a
United Plates -university. No? Very well.
Of course, yoU believe In' supporting two
first-class colleges, one at West Point,
t'other at Annapolis, where the young Idea
H taught to. .shoot holes accurately and
lentifk-ally 4a his fellowman. That's all
very wen ana roon. enr you Deiieve in
those- colleges where they learn to pour
catsup down .the new undergrads and put
nice little red- ants on them, and where
many of the best young friends of repre
sentatives get. an A No, 1 sclentlflo coume,
and then, resign to take a Job with some
trust.
'"But you'rsn't see why sny public coin
should be blown on a school for teaching
the young anything from sculpture to
home economies, althotigh goodness knows
the coming Americans are In need of plenty
k of- heme- economics If prices keep rising.
As for sculpture, we need a good course In
that, too. Judging by the number of shrieks
that go up when the. purohaser peeks Into
the boxed up statues. -
"There's a ' grand opportunity-; also, to
add another, nice soft .siding for lame
ducks. After the polls have done their
Yorit to the" political futures of some of
Vir leading candidates of the Ins the
jTrfeldent could appoint the victims to be
' faculty Instructors, monitors and Janitors
In (he ntw urrtvertl(yv .-. . .'.
"One of . the degrees proposed Is the
George Washington degree, havn't found
out ye whether this will be awarded the
tudent who chops down the first cherry
treat en the grampus er for asserting that
he cannot telt a lie and get away with It.
"Buoh a .university or such an university,
I don't, knew which, could have students
appointed ta It by representatives. Just like
la , m Ml, wgMsai
! o j
"UNPEROBAD.!
I
the military and naval academies. Then
when they had completed the regular course
the government could commission them
second lieutenants or Industry with a
chance of some day helng captains of
same. Fine Idea, Is It not?
"Of course, if they Ignore following mil
itary precedents and act Just like regula-
college chaps, wearing snappy clothes and
snappy manners, we'll probably hear about
the rollicking lads taking the democratic
donkey or the republican elephant up on
lop of the Washington monument or the
capitol dome and tying them there. Or
painting their class year on the State de
partment hulldln? or the White House. Or
have a cane rush on the . capitol lawn,
knocking the sophomore class unconscious.
But I'm afraid that careful parents would
be afraid to send their young to Wasting
ton." "Why?" asked the Chair Warmer.
"because of the bad Influence of con
gress," explained the Hotel Lobbyist.
(Copyright, 1911, by the N. Y. Herald Co.)
Getting at the Facts.
Directory Canvasser What Is your hus
band's occupation?
. Mrs. O'Hoollhan Sure, an" It's a shovel
engineer on a railroad he do be.
Directory Canvasser You mean a civil
engineer, don't you?
Mrs. O'Hoollhan Faith, an' yes rnay be
might., or. He's civil enough, Ol'm afther
thinkln', but anyway, he shovels the coal
Into the engine. Exchange.
a - i. iay' -r i
f . f firrnMiT
; 3 CLZ - - 1 I'WOUR arHtiAYL- . - c
W rov itaJ4 K jfjT-w tenncr7 y56 ret. ok no. you
m r T III a- i a av
FRIDAY,
April 21, 1911.
Xante and Address.
Marlon K. Adams. 3008 Marry St
Robert C. Blche), 1815 Capitol Ave
Ralph Bauer, 5322 North Twenty-fifth St.
Mary E. Butler, 2913 Pran'aliu St
Grace E. Beaver, 2804 Burt St
WILmer Berrkle, 1619 Emmet St
Mary Butler, 3517 Seward St
HcImxI.
. Park ,
, Kamarn . . . .
.Saratoga ...
. Long
. Webster . . .
. Lothrop . . .
, Franklin . .
James Clark, 3 415 Boyd St ..Monmouth Park.
Sophie Cohn, 2209 Cuming; St
Rolse E. Campbell, 2124 North Twenty-sixth St.
Walter Conner, 3515 North Twenty-ninth St
Elmer Cuslck, 2749 Meredith Ave ,
Emma F. Chrlstengen, 3350 South Nineteenth St.
.Kellom
. Long
. Howard Kennedy
.Saratoga ...
. Vinton
I
""In
: Lpretta's Looking Glass-Held Up to the "Ultra" Girl
In your Burnhllde hat and your harem
skirt you- have reached the limit, top and
bottom. Your'head Is ln the clouds with
tne Walkyrie and other German opera aris
tovraoy, while your legs are In the panta
loon : of the." oriental slaves you scorn.
And you are happy. You have attained
yonr goal, he limit. - You have sped to
ward It with all your energy. You have
lost no time, . A fashion la born and you
adopt It while It la still In swaddling
clothes. ,
. But If ' It 'were not harem skirts and
Vule-tcp hats It would be something else,
' style does net matter. It is the germ
your system that drives you on toward
extreme. It will , grow and flourish
no matter what provender Dame Fashion
feeds. ?''.-
You are on of the "emancipated." Bo
you claim. Yet you are a slave to an Idea,
an Ideal that ttterally obsesses you. You
pend more time and thought and money on
getting yourself dressed ahead of the style
than you do on an other interest. Indeed,
lou have neither time, money nor strength
Wt after you have achieved your sartorial
loxc-easea. You are utterly spent.
Do you know how you are regarded' by
men? Besides the few male creatures who
enjoy exhibiting a fashion freak there Is
scarcely a man who does not ridicule you.
And those men who help you to display
yourself are no good In the world for mar
rying purposes. They do not count In the
only table of weights and measures that
concern girls when they go Into the man,
market. They are unmentionable and in
considerable as husbands. -
Bnt the real men!- They ' think some
things about you that you ought to know.
All of them admire a decorative accessory.
They like wives who look well, besides be
ing possessed of other good points.
They like other men to. admire what
they have chosen. ' But it's a brave
man who wants a feminine atrocity linked
to him with the hymeneal chain. Fear of
being ridiculous Is a trait as generally
characteristic of men as Jpy of being ad
mired is of girls. And If any breathing
thing can make a man look and feel more
like a "spieler" for a sideshow out walking
with one of the "attractions" than can the
ultra girl I have never happened to see It.
nor have any of the men I .know told me
about It. t '
of Transportation
(Copyright ltu. by Union Paclflo Ry. Co.)
(Compiled by Charles J. Lane and D. C.
But 11 for "the Union Psolflo School of
Railroading for Employes.)
. " '
t (Continued . from Yesterday.)
Ralls, thirty-three feet In length, weigh
ing ninety pounds to the yard, and resting
on metal te-piates. are spiked to the ties,
and are connected by twenty-seven Inch,
four-hole, continuous angle bars. An av
erage of S30 rails Is required for each mile
of single track; a weight of H1.4S gross
tons.
locomotives of the Atlantlo type for
passenger service, are built on the "bal
anced compound" principle, with high
pressure cylinder sixteen Inches In diam
eter, and low pressure cylinders twenty
seven Inches in diameter, having a stroke
of twenty-eight Inches for all pistons. The
total weight of these locomotives In work
ing order Is 1J1 tens; the length over all,
seventy feet; the diameter of driving
wheels, lghty-one inches; the boiler pres
sure.' J0O pounds; and th tractive power
4.t80 pound s. .
J
The Paclfjc type passenger locomotlvesmlleage of the United States.
have simple engines with cylinders 12
gnches In diamter, and a piston stroke of IS
-Caches. Their, total weight In working
order Is ITS teas; length over all, "5 feet;
the diameter of the driving wheels, 77
inches; boiler pressure, too pounds; tract
ive power, S3, KM pound a '
The consolidated type of locomotive for
heavy freight son Ice hv simple engines
with cf Undent 23 Inches in diameter and a
I piston stroke- of Inches. Their total
Weight Jn working order Is 14 tons; length
Vver all. (t feet; the diameter of driving
reels, 7 ' inches; --boiler pressure; 0
founds; tractive power, 43.M pounds
' Other types of engines are used en branch
line, for switching and In special service. Canada ....
A 1.1 davelnnttaant ! ih MlIM Iviw ' Urvilm ...
articulated , cempeund locomotive, having
high, pressure cflluders t Inohes In dia
meter, low pressure cylinders W inches in
diameter, all piatons having a s-knch
tree.. This type of looomotlv has a
total weight in working order of 29S tons.
The boiler carries 0 pounds pressure, and
is equipped with a superheater for the
low pressure Bteam.""Tl7e length over all Is
M! feet; the diameter of driving wheels,
67 Inches; the tractive power, 91,6-10 pounds.
It should be borne In mind that up to
1S50 but S.iO miles of railroad had been
put in operation In this country. The
mileage trebled during the decade from
10 to 1S0O, and at the latter da:e 30.000
miles of railroad were In operation. The
civil war Interrupted further progress until
18. From that date, the mileage jumped
from- K.O0O to 70,000 miles in 1S75; to Vtn.OtA
miles In 1&; to U1.000 miles in 18, and
to 17.001) miles In ltK.
Careful estimators venture the statement
that the present mileuge of the United
States (June 30. 1!10), when official fig
ures are available, will be shown to be
little if any below 240.000 miles, independent
of double, third and fourth-track parallels.
Approximately 22,000 miles of second track,
1.200 miles of third track, 1,600 miles of
fourth track and U.000 miles of sidings
must be added to arrive at the full rail
And It Is hard for men to take you seri
ously. Your supreme air of satisfaction
in your own absurdity is funny to the
average man's sense of humor. And you
want to be taken seriously. That Is "what
marriage Is. It's the most serious kind of
taking known, unless ' It Is undertaking.
You should give some thought to the mat
ter. You should decide which, you prefer
to be a Joke or a bride.
Did You Ever Do It?
"Don't talk to me," said the man with the
heavy eyebrows, "about the charms of In
genuous youth 'or the happy days when
we believed in the world and were green!
I suffered In those good old days. -'
"If there is an agony worse than not
being exactly sure of the right thins to
de-ln any situation I'd like, to know It!
"I guess I was about 17 when I went to
spend a vacation with my married sister,
who lived in New York. It had been my
first year away at school In a small college
town near our old home in New York w;
a great proposition for roe. I certainly
had the time of my young life and in ad
dition to that I fell in love.
"It was my first experience and so It
marked an epoch. And she -was a poem.
Sometimes nowadays when I run across
a girl . who looks like a cross between a
French fluffy-haired doll, a Christmas
angel and little Eva, it reminds me of
Owendolyn, and I wonder how much she
weighs now and how large her family la.
"Well, when I had to tear myself away
at the behest of a heartless college 1 felt
that I wanted to give Gwendolyn some
thing so that she would not forget me.
"My sister Informed me I'd get In all
wrong If I sent Owen anything moro than
candy or books or flowers. That being the
case, I marched into the most expensive
candy shop in town. My good will was a
trifle restricted by my pocketbook, which
was flat.
"To cut it short, I sent Owen $8 worth
of candied violets. In a wretchedly small
package, and I bet she had a fit when she
got 'em! I know that my sister had one
at my mere telling of what I had done. She
said that if Gwendolyn hadn't any more
sense than to eat them up I'd probably
killed her, and that If she did have sense
and gave them away In all likelihood she'd
be sued for damages.
"If anyone mentioned candled violets In
my presence for months after that I'd take
a chill. It was Just as if I had tried to
prove my love by sending the young
woman a barrel of dill pickles." Chicago
Tribune.
Douglas Conner, 3519 North Twenty-ninth St Howard Kennedy
Albert Debarblert, 620 South Thirteenth St
Lutle De Lor, 1123 North Eighteenth St
Pauline Dlnkel, 2 416 South Nineteenth St
William C. Eden, 3025 Seward St
Alpha F. Field, 2034 North Nineteenth St
Harold Fisher, 2224 Vinton St
Nathan Green, 1812 Burt St
Vera Gladys Adams, 603 North Seventeenth St.
Bertha B. Hoag, 2114 Blnney St
Grace Huntley, 2433 Caldwell St
Harry E. Hall, 1824 Locust St Lothrop
Helen G. Hood, 1945 South Eleventh St Lincoln
S. Dewey Hlgby, 2556 Harney St Farnam
Charles Huestlg, 1821 Blnney St High ...
William Johnson, 2601 South Thirty-seventh St. .. .Windsor
Robert Kieser, 2010 Spring St.. Castellar
Solomon Kadamer, 2414 North Twenty-fourth St... Lake ...
St. Phllomena.
Kellom
Castellar . . . ,
Long
Lake .......
Vinton ......
Cass
Cass
High
High
Edward L. Kolb, 3870 Hamilton St Walnut Hill.
. Kellom
. High .
.High .
, Lincoln
High .
Gilbert Lear, 2039 North Twenty-first St
Lorena Lumry, 4735 North Thirty-ninth 8t
Eglantine Lloyd, 1516 North Twenty-eighth St...
Mark T. Lambert. 1716 South Ninth St
Edith Macartney, 142 North Central Boulevard.
Druey Moose, 1623 Locust St Lake
Ruth Newton, 2509 Templeton St High
John Neuberger, 920 Hugo St St. Joseph.
Lillian Over, 1314 South Twenty-eighth St Park
Qoldle Potter, 4307 North Twentieth St Saratoga .......
Frlda H. Paustaln, 3831 Parker St High
Sarah H. Sears, No. 6 Normandle Apartments High
Elmer Schrelber, 2219 South Seventeenth St Castellar
Thelma F. Seals, 3308 Blondo St Franklin
Mary Stodolna, 2217 South Twenty-eighth St 1m. Conception..
Eula M. Swan, 2874 Corby St Howard Kennedy
Carl A. Santaluca, 1508 Locust 8t Sacred Heart....
Mildred Schmidt, 1618 V4 Martha St St. Joseph
Mary Tritz, 213 Lincoln Ave St. Joseph......
Harvey D. Watt. 2 603 North Fifteenth St Lake
Katie Wolf, 2324 South Twelfth St Lincoln
Year,
.190!
.1901
.1891
.190!
.19'JI
.190!
.190;
,.189(
.1891
190
..1891
.1899
. .189
,.189
'.189i
..190:
.189
.1901
.189
.1901
..1905
.1905
.189(1
.1893
. 190
, .1901
.1890
.189o
..1899
.1896
..189$
, .190C
, .1902
, .1894
.1894
.1903
. .1896
.1900
.1896
..190U
, .1899
. .189!)
, .189b
, .1894
..1900
. .1901
..1898
..1890
..1899
. .1902
..1902
. .1903
..1897
f Tabloid History of the Presidents
THE Weekly Bumble
VOL. 1.
OMAHA, APRIL 21, 1911.
NO. 233.
THE BUMBLE BEE.
A. STINGER Editor
Communications welcomed,
and neither signature nor re
turn postage required. Ad
dress the Kditor.
NO BAD MONEY TAKEN.
In 1&3. leas than fifty mllus of railroad
were In operation west of the Mississippi
river. In 124), th s miloage had Jumped
to 1 000; In lata, to I.OuO. and at the present
time this territory is served by more than
115.000 miles of railroad. The following
table gives additional Information on this
subject, with several comparisons:
Miles per
Miles of luo sq. int. People
ttaiiroao. ol area. per. ml.
Nebraska
Kansas
Wyoming .....
I tali
Colorado
Idalto
Nevada
I tilled States
,0"8
alio
... I.4.
... l.uO
... S.2.U
... 1.V.1 .
... lil'l 0
...Ka)
... k.mt
...1!.S5 "
T
10.M
1 W
. IU
6.11
(W
.' 1 W
,T.W
0
. JO
k-4
;o
l
1U
. i
., IS
(To be Continued
When a fellow la In love with a girl be
should leave no stone .untuned' to ' win
her, not even a solitaire.
NO AD8 AT ANY PRICE.
Remember.
Your presence at the ball
grounds this afternoon will be
an Inspiration and an encour
agement to Pa Kourke. It will
show him that his efforts to
provide Omaha with an up-to-date
base ball plant and team
have not been In vain.
But. Unless you go out the
next day and the day after,
and every day the team is in
town, the Inspiration and the
encouragement will be lust. It
Utkes more than one good word
to keep tlie ball temu running
up to the standard.
Remember this, that it Is
the lan who buys a ticket on
whom the outcome of the sea
son depends, and not the good
friend who looks at the bulle
tin board up town and tells
the boss of the bunch over the
'phone what a good team he
has.
Conspiracy.
An Illinois statesman was
the Innocent victim of a con
spiracy to buy a seat for him
In the United 8tatea senate.
An Omaha statesman says he
Is the Innocent victim of a
conspiracy among a lot of
poBtofflce employes to contri
bute money to elect a United
b ates senator at the polls.
These conspiracies are dread
ful things.
Fifty.
Colonel Senator Borenaon de
clined to tell where be got the
fifty last fall, but Is out with
a vir talk to tne effect that
he has another fifty of the
same sort to go the same way.
He's a game bird, and he flies
always In one direction.
Rocky.
Mayor Jim's sympathy goes
out to the poor bobo person
who Is threatened with the
rock pile. Jim has hit the
bumps pretty hard himself,
and knows how It feels.
Tonga.
If you yant to know what a
tougn proposition reauy looks
like, set Pete Roland lo tell
you how he was fixed when
it came to voting on the
Omaha Medical college bill
',. '. Tort. .
Oerrlt Fort Is being men
tioned, for the job ot traffic
manager of the great liarri
nian system. And you bet
Uviilk waa Us
SIGHT HEBE AT HOME
Home Things that ' Ought
to Be of Interest to
. Our Own Circle.
Coming Up: The Electrlo
light company's franchise; the
street railway company's
franchise; the prioe of gas;
the water bond eleotlon; the
commission form of govern
ment; regulation ot pool
rooms and dance halls; the
fearngenest; the base ball
season; the May musical fes
tival; the Mendelssohn choir
and Thomas' orchestra; Bars
Uernhaidt; the Fourth of
July; pay day. Guess that
win pe enougu to lam aoout.
Ralph Sunderland has at
tained the height of his ambi
tion now; he has betn men
tioned In connection with the
job of commissioner when the
new form is adopted, one
thing In his favor Is the suo
cess he has made of his own
business. That's much more
than can be said for some ot
the others.
Percy Wells says he thinks.
That ought to settle it. When
a man admits It, no further
proof ought to be asked for.
It doesn't matter much what
he thinks, Just so long as he
does.
John La. Webster says he
longs to lay down his law
practice and spend the re
mainder of his days in care
fully planned roaming about
the civilised and enlightened
world. And when he gets
ready to start he will find a
lot of ambitious youngsters
ready to scramble for the
practice he is capable of giv
ing over.
Frank Hoel gave over the
golf business because it took
up too rwjch of his time. This
Is an interesting trade note,
for It must be the grocery
business la picking up.
Joe Thomas says It wasn't
the counting of money that
made hira nervous; It was the
odor that clung to him after
his day's work at the bank
was over.
Nothing of that sort ever
hsppeaed to Bert Hitchcock
while he was living InQmaha.
Must be the cooking. Better
come back to the home folks,
Bert.
Our big neighbor. The Ree,
is going to print the picture
of Will Hay ward mounted on
a camel. Hew the elephant
will laugh when It sees this.
Bweot. '
'Tut sweet to hear
The umpire's call .
On spring air clear, ' "'
WAR ALONG BORDER
Beaatlrs of Battle from
the Viewpoint of
the Maderlsta.
(From a Staff Correspondent.)
AQUAS PUERTA, Chihua
hua, Mellco. April 80. (Spe
cial.) Kep, eep, oorayl Viva.
Oncle bam!
Ei all right hombre, I
shall bet you! HI, senor.
When this cruel war is over.
Uncle Fam will sue the gentle
and unassuming Porflrlo for
putting lead across the border
without paying duty thereon,
and that will be the re
venge glorious. Is It not the
prospect magnificent T
Yes, it Is not the prospect
magnificent.
Rut the Maderistas, and the
Lopexutas and the Uarciastas
tnd the others who are wear
ing red ribbons around tbelr
arms instead of the yellow
ribbons around their necks are
rejoloinp because they have
found out something.
All they have to do now Is to
get close enough to the border
and then they can fight till
further orders and be In no
real or even apparent danger,
for I'ncle Ham won't let the
creatures of that Ilas shoot
back fur fear of hitting some
"American" who may be an
Innocent spectator. It is an
Improvement In war. Surely.
"Benor. believe me, I am
desolated," said General
Loupe di Ixiupe, who com
mands the federal forces
here. "it is so lamentable,
truly. That a bullet should
fall within the country of our
so greatly esteemed cousins,
It is unpardonable. Oh. but
this war has such lamentable
aspects. Ik you not see the
rudeneea of these Insurrectos?
Surely, they are not of the
raballeros, or they would not
ask us to shoot In that di
rection. Shall they not come
farther away, and permit us
to do the work of exterminat
ing them in such fashion as
shall not give offense to our
friends? Uut they will not.
It Is too much!"
I missed the bull fight last
Sunday, because It 1 was not
held. PEDRO.
Pool.
It takes money to play pool.
Everybody can't win, espec
ially at ' keJIy" pool or "pay
ball." The loser must either
work or steal. If he works.
hasn't time to play. What's
the answer'
Hey I
Wonder what some of these
Omaha experts would do If
they were drawing beer In
Munich?
Driver.
And Oovernor Aldrtch can
drive something besides an ox
WW"
OUR POETS' CORNER.
BLUSHES.
A stinger on a bumble bee
was singing merrllv.
Causing the blossoms on a tree
jo nod most graciously.
A stinger of the bumble bee
Has length and taste and
breadth.
The flowers were Just made
ror it
(Oh, what will rhyme with
breadth?)
Now, Mr. Stinger of Th Bee,
Accept this rhyme, sublime
I made It for your Bumble
Bee
A stinger you are fine.
Lincoln, April 18.
James Madison, the fourth president of
the United States, was a Princeton man,
class of 1772. He remained there a year
after graduation for the special study of
Hebrew, and upon returning to his native
Virginia he devoted his time to the study
of history, law and theology, as became
good Princetonlan, and the education ot
his younger brothers and sisters.
In the formation of the union he wss a
leading spirit. With Alexander Hamilton
and John Jay he was the author of "The
Federalist," which, according to the Amer
ican historian, Dr. John Fiske, "is prob
ably the greatest treatise on political
science that has ever appeared In the
world, at once the most practical and the
most profound."
When Madison was inaugurated, in 1806,
It was at a crisis in the affairs of the
nation which culminated In the second
war with Great Britain, usually known as
the naval war of 1812, and was not con
cluded until American victories brought
about the treaty of Ghent in -1814, during
Madison's second administration.
MR. STINGER.
When I peruse The Bumble
Bee,
I must confess, 'tween you
and me,
I have some Q. Rea Osslty
To know who Stinger, A. can
be. '
He calls himself the editor
Of course, he understands
his bis.
But Q. Ree O. and I have
sworn
To learn exactly who he Is.
I'm sure he has another
name
This versatile and gay Ink
sllnger;
And t It seems quite
apropos
The one he goes by now
A. Stinger.
It may take quite a little
time,
Before the secret we have
wrung;
And I shall not be much sur
prised "
If Curio and I get stung.
He may be Jones he may be
Urown
He may live here or out of
town;
They'll ne'er write "STINGER"
on his tomb
Yet 'tis a dandy nom do
plume!. F. B. T.
OH, BEE THAT ROBIN.
When we poor mortals argue
And one comes out ahead.
The other will not see defeat
But tries a bluff Instead,
snd while thevtotor Joyously
Feels all his pulses throbhin
The vanquished glancee out ot
doors
And exclaims. "Oh, see that
robin."
When two opponents are engaged-In
spicy repartee
Tls fine to see the vanquished
bluff
And feign serenity.
'Tls funny what deep Interest
In robins we maintain
But it Isn't always a robin
Sometimes It's sn odornpiene.
QXI.
J
The war arose from the fact that in the
tltatlo struggle between France and Eng
land the commerce of the United States
was Interfered with and completely preyed
upon. Madison's part In the war is Its
least Interesting history, as he wss essen
tially a man of peace. The exciting part
of the history lies In the conquests of the
American navy and Its herolo commanders,
like Captain Porter and Commodore
Decatur.
Mr. Madison was gentle and conciliating.
He was annoyed, as are all presidents, by
applicants for office. A very illiterate
man from the west applied for the gov
ernorship of one of the territories. The
president politely refused. Though the
applicant could scarcely read, he asked for
a judgeship, with no better .result. He
then kept on applying for every possible
vacancy, concluding with, "Mr. President,
If you can't give me an office, I'd be
grateful for a pair of your old breeches."
Mr. Madison gave him an order on his
own tailor for a suit of clothes.
(Copyright, 1911, by the N. Y. Herald Co.)
rr
Taft's Cousins Keep a Laundry
President Taft may or may not know
that two pretty young girls, who sky they
can trace their family tree to prove they
are his third cousins, are busily engaged
In conducting a little hand laundry at No.
610 Park avenue. New York, what is more,
are Snaking good, . with many prominent
persons of the neighborhood as their cus
tomers.
The name "Miss E. Taft" appears on the
window of the laundry as proprietor, but
she's hardly busier than her sister, a
couple of years her Junior, whose name
is Marguerite, and who, until about a year
ago, was a Washington Irving High school
pupil.
' 'E.' stands for Ethel Miss Ethel Taft
Is my name," said the business like young
woman, when asked about ths reputed re
lationship of herself and sister to the pres
ent occupant of the White House.
"Have you ever seen the president?" was
asked, as Miss Taft presented her sister
behind the counter.
"NO, never," said ths laundry proprietor.
"but we have the family records, the
geneologlcal tree, all worked out at home,
and It shows we're his third cousins. My
father la his second cousin."
"Even seen the Whits House?"
"No," said Miss Taft.
"We've worked up this business," she
said, "and are doing nicely, but, of course.
it is distasteful to us; not exactly what
we should like. Still, ws get plenty of cus
tomers, . and a man In one of the biggest
laundries In the city gave us 'points. ' He
told us how to mark the linen something
we did not kBOW before, and helped us In
lots of ways."
Miss Taft Is perhsps 21 and her sister
Is M. For her athletic feats In a small
way Miss Tait Is widely known, especially
In Harlsm. Bhe has carried off several
medals for superiority in swimming and
won several roller skating events.
"How did you happen to go into laundry
IngT' she was asked.
' "Well," she said, "a man who had this
lauadry a year ago gave It up after a
week, and we decided to try It for our
selves. The man who had It was helped
to get It "by my- father."
Tks, al'U' U&W 141 Charles C. Taft, of
No. 259 West Fifty-fifth street.
In a woolen house.
He works
Had the Wraai Man.
"It's all right to be of a saving disposi
tion," said J. Adam Rede, the noted hu
morist and former Minnesota congressman,
"but some time the Idea gets a man Into
trouble. Now I have a friends that had
trouble. Now I have a friend that had
to make a longlsh journey, and was forced
to take two trunks. Arriving st the sta
tion he approached a stranger standing on
the platform and said; 'Are you going to
Chicago on this train T
" 'I am.'
" 'Have you any baggnge?'
" 'No.'
" 'Well, friend, you can do me a fsvnr
and it won't cost you a cent. I've got two
good sized trunks here and they always
make me pay excess for one. You can get
one checked on your ticket and save me
some money.'
" "Yes, but I haven't any ticket.'
" 'But you said just now that you ware
going on this train?'
" 'So I am. I'm the conductor.' "
Philadelphia Times.
A Jim". Hill Tale.
James J. Hill, at one of the conservation
congress banquets in St. Paul, told this
railroad story:
"When sleeping-cars first came In." he
said, "the bedclothes In ths berths wsre
Tvery scanty. On one of these early cars,
one night after everybody had turned In
and the lights were low, a loud voles called
from an upper berth:
" 'Porter, got a corkscrew?"
"The porter came hurrying down the
aisle.
" 'Boss,' he said. In a scandalised tone,
'we don't allow no drinkln' In ths berths.
It's against ths rules.'
" 'Oh, it ain't that, porter.' ths voice an
swered. 'I just want to dig out a pillow
that's sort o' worksd Its way Into ray
ear.' " Dee Moines Capital.
Jim's Job.
"Jim's got a job as a cobbler at the rail
road shops."
"Cobbler? How the deuce da you make
that out?"
"Us fits brsjLMiLOs."aUl Times.