THK I1KK: OMAHA. MONDAY. APRIL .1. 1011.
pllie (eeg Jrxe agaziiie )a
y
i nOlie BEES Junior Bii'fhrjgy Book
Tho Tired Business Man
Tclln Krifnd Wife That
IVy Will lie Vrarrta-
BY WALTER A. SINCLAIR.
Mrs.
IS
l .1
X:
V
I r
"Luther Burbank Is going to have an
vfnl time of it trying to mk( a model
Woy otit nf the common or gartlcn variety.
even though garden work Is his specialty,"
observed Krlemi W If".
"When he gets to work boys will be
vegetables," paraphrased the Tired Busi
ness Man. "J,ct uii hope that Mr. Hurbank
won't repeat Ills experiment with the cac
tun. wlili li in near to boy nature as I
can Imagine, and produce the spineless boy.
Also let hope' that his experiments In
the vegetable world won't lead lilm to be
lieve that every boy la a cabbage head,
f'ven thouKh his action may Indicate that
be la an onion. And they usually have to
attain man's estate before they prove to be
beets.
"I have greAt hopes for Mr. Hurbank.
Ie haa done about everything but make
two-dollar bills grow whero one blossomed
eviounly. Some carping critics who have
heir own Idea w hich they never put Into j
practice think that because ne is a aear om
bachelor ha haa no license to try bringing
up boy like a prize pumpkin. Now that's
all Junk, becauHe we have ",'n P'nty of
doting fathers who began doting long be
fore they reached their dotat?e, and who
couldn't compete with Luther in the garden
truck specialty, who have raised aotne sons
with heads llko flocky- Kord cantelopes or
Hubbard aouashoe. Jf they can do that
why can't Mr. Hurbank raise a first-class
future Burbank president?
"Of course, most- of us think boys ought
to raise themselves. Just imagine Bur
bank trying tp Improve the class of the
Huckleberry KinnJ In the first place, he
could probably prune off all the long hair,
rags and tatters, dead cats, warts, dirt
and eussedness. The result might be per
fwtttly lovely, but not as Interesting as the
fflglnal.
"Jt appears that Kxhlblt A, upon whom
Mr. Burbank la going to concentrate his
'skill, Is of a truant disposition, given to
roving. Of course, that's really terrible,
and when the great grafter produces the
nonroving boy he will be hailed as a great
discoverer wntll said boy grows to man
hood and insists on hanging around the
house and letting 1'a support him rather
than getting out to work. I wouldn't
know how to cure a boy of the roves un
less it was to saw his legs off and then
lock hlin In the attic. Kven then, with
aeroplanes flying everywhere you couldn't
e sure the specimen wouldn't wing away
like Mercury. .
l 9W r
-III'.. ' ll"MI,
"HOY." .
"Now Is the t:me of the year for Mr.
Hurbank to try grafting on Ills specimen
a batting eye and a base-stealing pair of
feet. If he can graft a bat on the hands
and an ability to connect with the ball he
may develop a boy who will be a great
comfort to his parents In these days, when
a first-ejass ,300-per-cent hitter can pull
down about aa much as four or five col
lege presidents. If the ' roving, runaway
dlsnosttlon can only be directed In the
right path which lead around the diamond
and always comes back to 'home' on the
run, he will accomplish much.
"But the popular Impression Is that Mr
Burbank will try to graft cleanliness on
face and hands, a surveyed part to the
hair, translucent ears, squirrel teeth, a
spotless white collar around the neck
and a generally lamblike deportment. No
boy can be a lamb without risking grow
ing up a muttonhead or the mark for
speculators.
"Boy aren't vegetables, although some
grow up like weeds. Boy can't ba trained
up a trelli. but who knows if they can't
be cultivated up the ladder to success?
Several of our most prominent men were
once boys though few would suspect it.
! As Burns said, 'For a' that, and a' that.
a boy s a boy for a- that.' or worus iu
that effect."
"Suppose the boy doesn't want to be Im
proved?" asked Friend Wife.
"Oh,- the kid has to be the goat," re
plied the Tired Business Man.
(Copyright, mil, by the N. V. Herald Co.)
I
Troubles of the Pocket Vemises
i i
Kvery man -who whs ever In love has
referred to the object of hi devotion at
some time r another a the "little girl."
l-i fact, one of the surest sign of love In
the first degree Is to hear a thin, frail wisp
oi a man with a chest as flat aa a board.
s!ebtt"f a' pliTinp MO-pound damsel aa "the
little woman." His case Is hopeless when
he gets that far along. Never, however,
hm you value your good standing with any
little woman of your acquaintance, refer
to her as a "doll" or a "pocket Venus."
That Is the unforglveable sin. In the opinion
of a writer In the St. Louis Republic, and
tor it you will have to aweat blood and
writhe In agony before you Can sue for
paidon. '
The little woman would like to be the
leader of the suffragette parade and oarry
the banners when the cloak workers go out
on strike. She had rather be the leader
than the led, In spite of her lack of size and
1. role proportions. She longs to be captain
of forlorn hopes and a leader that can and
w 111 overcome all obstaolea, but when she
take a look at her little aelf In a tall mir
ror she Is amazed, angered, peevish and
Vs'together disagreeable and self-confld-
"I ant constantly reminded of my tiny
size." 1 the wall of the little woman.
"People look around at me when I pass
them on the street and I know they are
looking at me because I am under the aver
age height of women. If I get In a street
car I cannot get out If It I crowded unless
someone will force a way through for m.
1 da not like to tug at people's coat tails
an better than anyone else, but I have to
rto something to attract their attention
V md It Is that or stick a hatpin In them.
-1'iiey usually carry me a couple of blocks
pest my destination on a crowded car, as
It take me a long time to fight my way
out through an aisle full of big. bulky
humanity with their arms full of bundles
'I can't get on a car without feeling that
I am climbing tip on a high platform, and
I feel that I am risking life and. limb every
time I ste off. Thera Is no fun. In being
tiny and cut and petite. I had rather be
an Amaronlan lady with shoulders three
feet wide and arms like - a blacksmith's,
than to be trampled In a car aisle Just be
cause I am so little and 'cute' that I can
not fight my way out of th mess and get
off."
"No one takes me seriously," walls an
other little lady who Is a scant' five feet
and Is greatly admired by everyone In her
sot because of her "euteneaa. '
"They won't take me seriously when I
am serious, and when I get angry they
laugh at me unless I get fearfully angry.
Seems to me that people ought to be able
to tell when you were displeased, even If
you do not happen to be six feet high and
wear No. shoes. People laugh at m no
matter how much In earnest I happen to
be, and I know they do it because I am
not big enough to look right squarely In
their eyea and ahow them that I am in real
earnest. What can you accomplish when
you have to look at a point nearly a foot
above the level of your eye when you are
making a really telling argument?"
The girl w ho happena to be lea than five
feet In height has all these thing to bear.
She has not the consoling good Mature of
the fat- man or the fat woman who have
philosophically decided to make the best
of the situation. The little girl knows that
she will never grow any more, and yet
she never gets accustomed, to herself., .
if "
Wise Workers Will Marry Servants"
"1 sometimes feel I would rather bury
than marry girl who cannot cook."
Thla Is the )plnlon publicly expressed by
a Nonconformist minister with nearly forty
ra' experience of London parochial
w.rk.
r'pesklng at lllgltgate, Uev. William t'uff
of MiorediU h tabennacle mentioned that
girl of 14 and 15 left school and entered
the office and factory rather than take up
doinestlo service.
"They obtain," he said, "no knowledge
of how to cook, or, do household work.
"Eventually they come before me to be
married, and I sometimes feel I would
rather bury them than marry them."
IMscusstng his utterance with the London
I 'ally Mlrron, Mr. Cuff said that he did not
blame girls themselves, but rather the sys
tem which permits them to grow up lgnor-
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This is ke
Day We
Celebrate.
April 3, 1911.
i.Kwia hi'uok.ss,
122 North Twenty-second.
Year.
..1900
. .1901
..1903
Name and AuMrcas. HcIhhiI.
Muriel Baumwart. 3412 Kvaos St lirutd Hill .
Philip Harnett, 4914 North Twenty-fifth St Saratoga ...
Kuth Hrnechat, 4154 Chicago St Saundora ..
Lewis burgees, 122 North Twenty-second St ,. Central 189J
May Clemens Uuel, 6410 Pin &t Heals 1902
Mabel Bryant, 2S05 South Twentieth Ave Castellar 1899
BesBla Bogus, 208 South Twenty-aeventh St Kama in 1897
Bessie B. Becker, 4101 Dodge St Saundera . . 1897
. Leavenworth 1904
.Castellar 1900
.Howard Kennedy. .1896
.Lincoln .
Deals . . .
.Cass
. Sherman
.Saratoga
. Pacific .
. Saratoga
. Central .
. Castellar
. Lothrop
.1900
.1905
.1899
.1895
.1903
.1899
.1897
.1900
.1903
.1898
Uuth A. Chatfleld. 825 South Twentieth St...
Don Chrlsman, 2509 South Twentieth St
Carrie M. De Vol, 3204 Maple St
Minnie Domet, 124 South Twelfth St
Irene M. Dyer, 6304-Walnut St
Etta Davis, 1514 Cuming St
Walter Graham. 1204 Gust St
Lawrence E. Gies, 2119 Grand Ave
Eacto Greco, 1012 South Thirteenth St
Balph Huffestetter, 4620 North Twenty-first St
Miriam Hult, 511 North Nineteenth St
Lynns Howard, 1914 South Eighteenth St
Kose Hansen, 1414 Plnkney St
Mark Havens, 2138 South Thirty-third St High ...189$
Lily Hansen, 1414 Plnkney St Lothrop 1898
I'm ma Haueisen, 2315 Boulevard Vinton 1895
Leole J. Harris, 615 South Twenty-second St High : 189
Marlon G. Johnson, 614 N. Sixteenth St, Denver Hotel. Cass 1902
Harry James, 2901 Farnam St . Farnam .........1898
Howard W. Kane, 1832 North Tweutieth St Kellom 1903
Marie Kounovsky, 3101 South Thirtieth St Windsor ... 1900
Denis J. Llnehan, 2414 North-Seventeenth St Lake 1897
Harry Mendelson, 1420 North Twentieth St Kellom 1900
Ines Maurer, 2809 Bristol St Lothrop ......... 1903
Mildred Matteson, 112 North Twenty-third St ...... Kellom 1902
Waid M. Meek, 823 Pierce St Pacific 1897
Delia Murry. 4424 Jones St .Columbian ..... ..1894
Hannah McCarthy, 1714 South Eighteenth St Comenlus ; 1895
Grace Murphy, 1020 South Twenty-third St Mason 1901
Dollle Murray, 6116 Pierce St.... Beals 1903
Arthur Martin, 3420 Taylor St Monmouth Park ..1897
Minnie Olson, 1218 South Twenty-seventh St Mason
Geraldine Olson, 320 North Thirty-third St Farnam
Henry Payne, 3206 South Twenty-third St ..Vinton
Bachelor on the Claim
J
f
A Sorrowful Sermon
J
I knew it, and always said chignon. She also had a "'severe look on
ant of the elementary principles of woman's
true work.
"The smattering of domestic knowledge
which they are taught at school," he said,
Ms perfectly valueless 1n aeter life.
"It should be compulsory for girls to un
dergo a six months' course of housewifery
when they pass out of school.
"No girl should he allowed to rasa from
Older the national educational authority
until she can peel a potato, wash a cab
bage and cook well enough to appeal to a
bur.gry and tired man's ralate.
"How to fry not to shrivel up a rasher
of bacon, and how to make two tenement
rooms comfortable are other things she
should learn. ,
"The woman is made between the ages
of It and H'i. Thirty-nine years' experi
ence in parochial work in Ixndon has
taught me that.
"At 14 a girl begins to take a pride and
interest In household things. If sheNJs
taken In hand properly then she will never
oiKet what Is shown and taught.
"But tinder present conditions thousands
. of girls get married every year without
the least knowledge ff domestic economy
that every wife should have. They can't
even cook a piece pf fish and they doa't
know how to make a home tidy and com
fortable. And untidy and uncomfortable
homes send men out to public houses, and
lead to half the separations and divorces
which take place.
"Just as a good dinner makes a good hus
band, ao does a comfortable horn keep
him 'safe' and contented.
"AndHt la because she haa generally ob
tained experience of these truths and had
a chance to appreciate them that a do
mestic servant makes th best wife for a
poor man.
"He is a w ise Worker w ho marries a ser
vant "
Dear J
so. Just as soon as women wanted to vote,
then It would only be a little while until
they wanted to . wear the trousers. Of
course, we've. alwaya heard of some who
did anyway, but only one man, or a few
boys, had to deal with them. Now we'll
be put to It to keep up w-ltb th trimming
on pants that will be Introduced by the
great clothe makers. You watch and see
If I'm not right.
When wi aw those Bee pictures of the
pantaloon aklrt out here on tb prairies,
well you could have knocked a lot of th
oH fellow over with a feather. Of course,
I wasn't In that class, and having seen the
women riding cowboy fashion I waan't
hocked at this Constantinople stunt. I
Just wondered how they get them on. We
can't figure they are pulled on over the
head, and yet they look a little odd com
pared to overalls. I suppose th wearers
sit dowa and pull them on Ilk boots, but
do they have to get a bootjack to draw
them off? If they fit tight underneath,
metbe so.
A good many years ago I went to see tr.
Mary Walker Just like I went to the cir
cus parade. Once a frlend--rf mine went
from Tarklo to Treblxonde and other places
where harems are real institutions, and
when he came horns he had us all going
dippy by his stories of nifty trousers worn
by the women; but he said they kept their
faces covered and seemed a little shy. I
didn't see any veils oS the Omaha trousered
wt men, and It would surely be a shame If
they had to wear those blanket face cov
erings w see ia pictures from Turkey.
Talking of Dr. Mary Walker, she went
the whole way through when I saw her,
and looked like a statesman wearing a
her face, but If all women who wear them
get that way,, then It 1 ever get married
I'll insist on a contract that only men's
trousers will hsng on the hooks In our
house. But I will admit the new things
ought to be very convenient tor girls If
they smoke, like I notice some do In the
big cities.
Haven't got th fur farm started yet, but
am trying out snake oil for rheumatism
next winter, and have started a bunch of
fin frogs In a slough. I saw these frogs
going to waate, and on day Figured It out
that frog leg ought to taste Just as good
out her aa they did when they 'soaked a
fellow a day's wages for a few on toast. I
am feeding my frogs on cornmeal and wild
tic, and If good luck sticks by me reckon
to have many a feast and have some to
ship, maybe to Omaha. There Is plenty
of room for frogs to get exercise out here,
although mine are a little sleepy yet, but
the sun Is getting warmer all the time and
I'm trying to train ff for th summer's
work by digging up a garden patch and
wearing out a brick on a rusty plow.
Ash Creek IJn. ' ISAAC.
A food Inspector la Manchester, N. H.,
found one lot of beef and pork In a butcher
hop that was rather questionable. He
called In the owner of th place.
"Look here," he said, "what la your
opinion of this meat?"
Th butcher looked It over "I had for
gotten all about that," lie said. "It Is
pretty old stork."
"Well, what la your opinion of it?"
"My opinion," said the butcher slowly,
"J that it Is unfit for human food; but It
might do for sausage." Metropolitan.
I have heard of poor and sad congrega
tions, but th saddest preacher I ever knew
went from Posey county, Indiana, to Pike
county, Missouri, (where John Hay dis
covered Little Breeches and Jim Bludsoe).
Ho was starving to death on donations of
catfish, 'possum and a $100 salary. Finally
he made up hla mind to go away. With wet
eyes, be stood up in the prayer meeting to
bid good-bye to his weeping congregation.
'Brother and sisters," hs said, wiping
his eyes on hla red bandanna handkerchief,
"I've railed you together tonight to say
farewell. Th Ixird haa called me to an
other place. I don't think the Lord love
thl people much; for none of you seem to
din. He doesn't seem to went you. And
you don't eeem to lov each other; for I'v
never married any of you. And I don't
thing you love me; for you don't pay m
my salary and your donations are mouldy
fruits and wormy apples. 'By their fruits
ye shall know them."
"And now. bothers and sisters, I am go
ing to a better place. I've been appointed
chaplain to th penitentiary at JollaU.
'Where I go ye cannot come; but I go to
prepare a place for you.' "From Heart'
Throb.
Spider Kat Mosae.
Spider poise prodigious appet'tes. A
scientist who carefully noted a spider's
consumption of food in twenty-four hour
concluded that If the spider were a large
a a full-grown man and hla appetite In
creased In proportion to hi six, he would
eat at daybreak a small alligator, by T a.
in a lamb, by a. m. a coif, by 1 o'clock i
sheep, and would finish up with a hug
meat pie.
The Little Bee Want Ad. la a Booster.
I Loretta's Looking Glass-Holds it Up to the Rainbow Chaser
Laura Pates, -1610 Frederick St.
.'.'.. . '.Castellar'
Hugh Rlggs, 1817 Capitol Ave Clifton Hill
Clifton Searle, 1625 Park Ave .High
Raymond E. Stroud, 2633 North Fourteenth St Lake 1903
Lillian Simpson, 2509 Bristol St , Lothrop 1904
. . .1902
. ..1903
. ..1901
.V.1902
..'190t
. ..1891
Kudolf Slogr, 1262 South Fourteenth St.... Comenlus
Albert L. Schuhl, 1406 North Thirty-third St Franklin
Albert Starkey, 3030 South Eighteenth St Vinton .......
Mary Schmttz, 1611 Castellar St St. Jose .h
Esther M. Tlmmell, Thirty-fourth St. and Fowlar Ave. Monmouth Park
Gertrude E. Telleson, 4416 North Thirty-eighth St.. Monmouth Park
Rudolph Vankat, 3003 Frederick St Windsor
Nell VaMely, 2608 Franklin St Ixng -
Miriam Wesner, 3212 Lincoln Boulevard Franklin'.
Aaron Weltz, 2306 North Twenty-first J?t Lake , .
Annia E. Wachtler, 2313 Vinton St.
... St. Joseph
..1901
. .1897
..1898
. .1903
. .1904
. .1899
..1902
. .1904
. .1903
,.1906
. .1904
Mrs. Harris Says Women Spoil Husbands
'Why-dots. hrryjfc o do
He wanted to compliment
Mabel, but Instead of calling her a
vL4oo..tolJ her hc was a 'sight'-
"Hay, doctor," Inquired a man who was
flrhlng for free medical service, "what do
you think makes me so hald?
"M m!" rejol led' the doctor. "I ascribe
It tf the fact that your hair comes out!"
The Key to th bltuaUon Bee Waal Ada.
I have aa interesting letter from- a girl atop your rainbow chasing. Nobody ever
who tell m she Is "NOT a beau-stealer.'
Very well; but you ARE a rainbow chaser.
"How about the girl who does not steal
beaux?" ah write, "who looks higher
than th fickle Move,' who endeavors to
use her mind with which nature has en
dowed her to the beat of her ability, who
goea seeking with her lantern through life
for a single man who knows more than
she, whose soul Is more Intense, to whom
she may look up and find support? But
she haa not found him yet. All la hollow.
Knowledge Is found only In tho old."
Tou are not using your mind to th beat
of your ability. You dream a world like
you would have It and set up a standard
for a lover to reach.
It'a a way girls have. I know. I did
I still do It myself, But I have paid.
And you will pay If you do not deliberately
caught up with th gay golden promise.
Its Ml'CH hard running! And It is HO
useless! And for all tb glainer In the
dlstanc you never will get past th thorns
of disappointment and th shadows and
Uaelineea bung aa thick aa the tuoes fes
toons In southern forests.
There are no men you can lean on all
th time! Any man's arm will "go to
sleep" or his legs get a cramp If he Is
used a a constant support. Tou must
do som of it. Tou have your kind ot
support to give; and you must not be
bunting for someone toward whom you
expect to act th undignified role of
sponge.
And let me tell you something about
these "old and knowledge-filled men " The
reason you like them la because they know
they must win youth by deferring It. Ho
wake up to sea thins aa they til aadJ the talk about the things TOU know.
Hut do not make the mistake of thinking
that a man knows leas than you because
he does not know the HAMB TH1NQ8. lie
may know a great deal of which you are
Ignorant.
Put th "tatenmty of your soul' on a
diet. Nothing Is so deforming to th char
acter If not reduoed. And do not hunt an
other "Intense soul" or a more Intense
one. Tou would fight Ilk cat and dog.
Marry a hardware merchant whose dumb
soul crave an Inspiration, tf that to
him.
Body play Its part In love. You are
wrong in trying to make It "of tb mind"
alone. It' a good, big, splendid part If
you acknowledge It claim and control It
desires. Body 1 love' steam and brain
Ita regulator.
Stop chasing rainbows and see life and
lov and men as they are. Tbejr are nons
of them even half bad.
"There are just aa many private divorces
as there are public ones. The public di
vorce occur among th degraded rich and
the degraded poor both the waste mstert-
ala of society but th private divorces are
not confined to any clasa or classes."
This Is the opinion ef Mrs. Corra Harris,
the author. In the New York World.
"Marriage Is an undeveloped, primitive
state at present." continued Mrs. Harris,
"for the major! t of men and women who
go Into It do not seem to know how to
make th best of each other. Th women
apeolally seem to manage to make tho
very worst of their husbands. Th women,
beat educated and best trained and best
suited to wifehood and motherhood, are re
fusing to marry, or, being married, they
are refusing to remain ao."
Bpeaklng of the remedy for th growing
divorce evil, Mr. Harris declared that
women should "pay mora attention to the
Jrnidea and less to th outside of their
little BallJes ar.S FV.nnlea. Oirl are too
well dressed and loo poorly trained.
"Mothers, as a rule, have too little moral
Influence over their sons," she said. "What
they want Is to study their own little Jim
mies and Johnnies nvire, even If they have
to take some of the time from the study of
political economy and parliamentary law."
Twenty year a&o Mrs. Harris waa the
wife of a circuit rider of the Methodist
church In Georgia. When her story, "Th
Circuit Rider's Wife," appeared last year
as a serial It brought much criticism from
conservatives of th church. At that time
Mr. Harris, who was said to be th hero
In the story, occupied a high official posi
tion on the Board of Education of that
church. Just about the Urn th story ap
peared last fall In book form Mr. Harris
committed suicide.
When asked for bar opinion on th
reason for th increase in divorces Mr
Harrl said:
"There are several reasons for It, I
think. One Is due to the awakening of
women to the sens of Justice In regard
to their condition and relation to the order
of things, as shown In modern life. Justice
baa become to them a personal matter, not
a sentimentality. They havs not only taken
the matter up, but they hav takes' It to
th courts.
"Another reason Is ths false staadards
of education for woman. These standards
tend to draw them out of the home instead
of Inte It. Tb whole system of education
for women In thl country I wrong, for It
tend to develop them Ilk men Instead of
Ilk women. It I Inexplicable to me that
learned .men, who would resent instantly
th tefhlnlnlalng of the education ot men,
do not See th danger of masculinising th
education of women.
"If training tended to make women more
womanly and men mora manly a better
claaa of children would b born."
".What quality la women U calculated to
it
J
hold man' affection longest, do you
think?"
"fndoubtedly, charm. Hhe may remain
faithful, virtuous and Industrious In short,
she may hsv all the qualities ot Solomon'
famous women; but it she drop th cor
ners of her mouth or loses the sweet, heau
catchlng beam out of her eyes she may a
well glv up the ghost so far aa he I con
cerned. She cannot hold him. lie may re
main faithful to hi marriage vow, but
not to her."
f
Called the Bluff '
J
"The Marquis de Vlllabar," aald a Wash
ington diplomat, "la trying to put young
King Manuel back on the throne. He 1
going around collecting. But he ha a
good deal of trouble to get th Portuguese
nobility to shell out. ,
"The nobility profess the most devoted
loyalty, but, when It comes to cash
Th diplomat smiled.
"The Marquis d Vlllabar," he said,
"asked a Portuguese count for a subscrip
tion th other day In Ixndon. The count
drew himself up and answered haughtily:
" 'My blood Is always at the service of
his majesty.'
" 'Yes, I know.' said de Vlllabar, net
tled, 'but, you see, we don't want to start
a sausage factory.' "
ALL W-THB FAMILY
X
F ' -"el il.ll' ."-
7J ..
Her ear knocked a man down
yesterday, tut ahe didn't hav
pay damagea."
How waa th4r
