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About Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922 | View Entire Issue (March 31, 1911)
1 1 1 j ; i . i . i . ' : u m . 1 1 . v r " i ' i . s i ' a it"?-'ai. r n T, rri t t : If The ee'g Hnyp Magazine p)a Astronomical Happenings in April J Br William F. Hlcs;e. 1 prsfsseor of Astronomy, Crelghton University. The lmfr consignation. are disappearing In the vinn twl- hL The day are rabidly I. -onilng 1 iger. the '" rising sootier and cttlng tr ,,nd the twilight also IcriUvnln. the first the day la U hour 34 minutes E,n. on the fifteenth 1.1 tnr.no it mini. ted nd on the thirtieth 1.1 hour O minutes. On the first the sun rises at :ll. on the fteenth at i:47, and on the tidrticiu at ( Yx7. It seta on the first rt ' the fifteenth at T:01. and on the thirteenth Kt 7.1. The planet Mercury reaches Its miiximuin eocsatlml from the ami on the fourteenth ", 'althoogh this i not the u rente! at Ion of the year. It la need to best ,Wae In raising the planet hih.w the !igon. Keen eyes win nave iw nine 'julty In picking It up In tlrs wetrn i after sunset on that day. I Venus la continually receding from the m In the weetem sky after sunset, a. id increasing In brilliancy. On the firm It makes a pretty picture van near the f res i ent moon, and aela at about :. seven Seen mlnutea before the moon. I Mara la unfavorably placed low down In (he southeast In the morning sky. Jupiter Is coming Into belter position for 'evening observation. It rises at '.-'4 p. m. I on the first, at I S ou the flfte-nth rnd I at T-.1I on the thirtieth. On the last of the I month It la In apposition with the aun and becomes technloally evening star. 1 Saturn la disappearing from view In the evening twilight It eets at 8:47 on the first and Is in conjunction with the run Ion tha thirtieth. -i The moon beglna the month In the rres feent phase, reaches first quarter on 'he Vlfth, la full on tha thirteenth, in last quar tar on the twenty-first ami ' mi the twenty-eighth. Tha full moon of the month ! the first full moon of sprlnri. and t via lied tha Paschal moon, on the Sunday Volkrwlng which, according to tha rule, Is he Tt of Easter. On tha twenty-eighth there will be a ItaJ eollpee of the aun. It will be visible such, however, only on a line drawn roes tha entlra Paclflo ocean from the fcuheaat corner of Auetra'la to Mexico, x , '"jm longeet duration of totality will t-e yioet five minutes. Father CoMI of 'nyhurst college, England, who passed , rough Omaha last September l.. on his jirturn from the International Solar con ference on Mount Wilson, California, Is at present located at V avail, a email Island yi one or inn inree groups in tne ,'ruriric Veean, on which alone tha total eclipse mmv i'ii miniiiiiiw iimii im Iimiiiibiiiiii J WILLIAM F. RIGGE. wlH he vlnllile. He hss been comnlsslont d to observe this eclipse bv tlie ICnslNh k;ov emment. and has a warship nt his Fer vlre. fin account of the all-wter track of this total eclipse, only two other, and private, parties have set out to observe it. This solar eclipse of the tw ntv-etghth will be visible as a partial vcllpse to a large part of the Pacific ocean, the enst ern half of Australia. New Zealand. Mex ico, Central America. Cuba and the greater part or the Vnlted States, where It will occur nenr the time of sunset In Omaha the eclipse will be a very small one, only one-tenth of the sun's diameter being observed. It will bfrln at ." o'clock. ;m minutes STi.4 seconds", p. m., and .nd at ft o'clock. L'fi mlnnt-. M.2 seconds, lasting therefore about flfty'mlniites. WILLIAM IV KKKitfS. J , - frelghton Inlvei-slty Observatory, Omaha, Neb. Thirsty Ones Wanted Seeds. A prominent politician In the middle wtst gave a banquet to a score or so of his neighbors, and, as he lived In a "dry" state and wanted some way to serve wine t the dinner, he had some trouble figur ing out a scheme, but when the water melon was brought on it was found It bad been plugged and filled with cham pagne "and, do you know," said one of the guests, "I as w every farmer there slip ping some watermelon seeds Into his pocket." Milwaukee Free Press. ; r t T IffoH'. what) r fflATQ jQL ON BASES ( w-v RIGHT ON fefe SOME HOWM ' ASTfe see if i ryic Ja?T ,m sT,rw3s r' SSKn IM DlrME ME HAS H HAVE YOU A HAIl piUGHT 10 OO GET IT , U WCWR THF fltlO' fORTHlSM .J0 -fiER CHISEL Ori lStlA,, j LOOSE ?EHl rtr-GEI, UN THE, A HAMMER i&3& POCKET ? foU PTTho M?. ': KNIfrE'. CUT SSSOnSJ wo use con7imuin6hV (ase pail Ori) hTmy heao! 3AME! IT CAN NOT BE HE- ,Q THE BRAIN? ( HOW ACHES ! riOVED IT WOULPJOaJg hEVer heaJ cZU that'5 thc VCPS OF -THAT -JEr LAST TIME TIL dP&'YL lr I&aIv. diease Bz-(jrk AS eve eat one I Sg?HUH?jp br fjOHEi Blz's c5unior Birthday Book. 6 1.4 ' I i:-'d v-n This is the DayWe Celebrate PEWET BFAT3. Kll South Twenty-fourth. March 31, 1911. Srliool. Year. Xante And Address. Ernia C. Anderson, 2118 Maple St Lothrop 1900 Dorothy Brings, 2818 Poppleton Ave Park 1S98 Janiee A. Beoton, 1712 North Twenty-Btcond S....Lon(t 1898 Rowan C. Balcora, 1741 South Twenty-eighth St Park 1904 Dewey Beats, 811 South Thirty-fourth St Columbian ..1898 David H. Ferer. 25 41 Chicago St Central 1897 Gretchen Bryant, 2225 SherinanAve Lake ........... 1901 Netty Calabretta, 612 Pierce St Pacific . . . 1900 .Pacific .1901 . Holy Family . . . . ..1903 .Webster 1904 .High 1894 .Saratoga 1902 . . Saunders 1901 (Copyright, 1911. by the N. Y. Herald Co.) Loretta's Looking Glass-Holds it Up to Girl Who Scoffs at Old Maids j . -i j . i? ''ffi .-he wa warm autum nd the mo I lately. It y you have of making fun of the' i -i maid stirs ine with the righteous indlg 'on I should feel toward the wilful dese- r of a holy place. You shrug your iildrrs and smile aa If to aay: "She la left-over, an unwanted article in life's t ( bazarl" , T - know a small brown house on a village Street, where the fall rosea bloom In the warm autumnal days. To me It la a shrine modest bioaaoma deck It appro- Is the home of an old maid. he gave her womanhood, Ha promise. hope, to a kindly couple who had adopted her In her forsaken childhood. She quietly gave up the lover who could oot afford to provide for her and for them, too, and devoted bvr life to looking after them. There waa no rolling music to signal the sacrifice. There was no lauding tongue to f glorify ha greatness. And now, you laugh Vmt her." f Don't yoW see that aha paid her debt in 1 coin from the realm of heaven? Kite laid I her treasuresX on the altar of duty, her over who woiid hava been her husband d one w ith har In the borne where their V 1 children were. Alio stripped herself to cn- rtch thoae to Vim ahe was Indebted. " you taughat sacrlflcea like that? lies, her hat It a funny little old-faah- ! can you Hot see that Jloned affair. ItJt he wears a halo, tha precious millinery of the soul wrought by the artists elf forgetfulness and love? And I know another old maid who, once in her long-gone youth, felt the touch of the right man's band and looked Into his eyes with the promise of a life-love In her own. She lias lived on, always loving, let ting the years engulf her In their loneli ness, because she held love so sacred and so steadfastly kept her faith. Perhaps she wears a queer bow In her hair. And you laugh at It. Can you not guess that she does It because the dead lover liked It there? Can you smile at the symbol that love makes sacred? And you, who coquet lightly, using the charm that draws men to you, has the beauty of her fidelity no appeal to you? You ought to go to her, carrying fresh roses like bridal blooms she will never wear, and apologise for your cheap and ailly misunderstanding of her. And oh, that host of old maids, who. In loving others, have neither taken time nor pains to be seen and loved and courted. They have given up their chances to edu cate and clothe younger sisters. . They never wore pretty clothes or went a-pleas-urlng w here men and maids I nd each other. They are old maids because they never gave themselves a chance to be wives. I not laugh at them. They are wonderful women. leaving youth and lover, husband and children on the altar of duty, they serve a lifetime, giving; giving, giving always! "Greater love hath no man than this, he glveth his life for his friend " What have these old maids done but give their lives to those who needed them? Dare you scoff at them? r Nubs of Knowledge J A French Inventor c'alms . to have made durable automobile tires 6' "paper. One thousand horse-powern.has been de veloped by a Scotch locomotive driven by electricity generated' by k'team turbine with which it is equipped. k. A calorie, the unit of het ''nieasurement, Is that quantity of heat required to raise the temperature of one gramme of water one degree centigrade. Tenth place among the nations in the world's shipping is the .rank now attained by Canada. Wave power, obtained through elastlo floats attached to the how aud stern, Is utilised by an Italian inventor to propel a boot. If the appetite, of a man were as great as that of a sparrow In' proportion to Tils size he would eat a whole sheep at a sit ting. . , . . , Swell Garbage Men John Mitchell was talking about strikers and strike breakers. "Once." he said, "the garbage collectors In a small western town struck for higher pay. When the etrlKe was on the munici pal employes the cashi'ers anil clerks- were called on to perform the collectors' work. As they went about the town doing this work, clad In hlKh collars, patent leather shoes, kid gloves and fur-lined overcoats, thVy attracted a great deal of attention. One old dame was heard to say: " 'My goodness, the slop men must have got that raise they struck for. Look what dudes they are now. And so proud and cold like. They hardly speak to you as they take your slop.' " Ferdinand Cook, 1104 South Thirteenth St... Zelpha K. Case, 1110 North Seventeenth St... Madeline Diesing, 2719 Webster St Clem Dicky, 2210 Wirt 8t Walter Farwell, 2425 Templeton 8t Dorthea Goertler, 119 North Thirty-seventh St . Lavern Gilliam, Twenty-fourth St. and Wool worth Av. Mason. 1898 Margarette Hlavka. 703 Castellar St Bancroft 1900 Katherlne Herdman, 3504 Harney St Columbian 1904 Bert Johnson, 3830 Seward St..... Franklin 1904 Mator Johnson, 2212 South Fortieth St Beala 1895 Mary Kysela, 1909 South Second St Train .1900 William August Kuehn. 2514 Marcy St Mason 1900 Violet Kahler, 3414 Cass St Saunders ...1898 Loretta Keenam. 1901 South Fifth St St. Phllomena . . . . 1 89(5 Harry F. Kllffmann, 3512 South Twentieth St St. Joseph. 1901 Alice Longanerker, 1501 Vinton St Castellar 1903 Arthur O. Lloyd, 6707 Florence Boulevard Miller Park.. 1903 Ruth Morgan, 1023 South Twenty-fourth St Mason 1904 Thomas J. Malone, 1809 Spencer St Sacred Heart 1902 Elles Mann, 1311 Thirty-first and Haskell 'St Windsor 1900 Amanda Marguardt, 2506 Maple St Lothrop 1896 George Leonard Nelson, 2038 Pierce St Mason ..........1899 Francis Olentsza, 2429 South Twenty-ninth St 1m. Conception ... .1 904 Myrtle R. Parker, 1907 Pinkney St Lothrop 1900 Floyd Parker, 4016 North Twenty-sixth Ave Lothrop 1903 Lloyd Prey, 4103 North Twenty-eighth Ave Drutd Hill 1902 Albert Rasmuss, 4219 North Twenty-fourth St Saratoga 1899 Thomas Robel, 1512 North Twenty-sixth St Long ,....1899 Edna Retnhard, 3226 Maple St Howard Kennedy . .1 895 August Sjarlato, 1115 South Twelfth St Pacific . ; . 1898 Maria Schmidt, 2329 South Fourteenth St St. Joseph ...1904 Margaret Smith, 2717 South Twenty-fifth St Vinton 1904 Roy Tharp, 1908 South Fourth St Train 1904 Angela Wennlnghoff, 1813 North Twenty-second St..Kellom . . . . .1900 Edith WLlbertbrands, 67-4 South Thirty-fifth St Columbian.. ....... .1903 London's Hebrew population numbers about 1 50.000. Jolts from Juveniles The Weekly Bumble Bee VOL. OMAHA, MARCH 31, 1911. NO. 230. THE bumble: beds. A. 8TINOER.. Editor 1 Communications welcomed, and neither signature nor re turn postage required. Ad drees the fcultor. NO BAD MONEY TAKEN. NO ADS AT ANY PRICE. NEW TOWN ON THE LIST Brave for Uemeral tiensales Himself at City Does Xante. A Boston school teacher had been ex .plalnln to her claaa about tha three king doms of nature the animal, the mineral nd tha vegetable. When aha had finished ,he said to the class: j ''Now who can tell me what tha highest degree of animal Ufa laT" A Utile tlrl In a rear row of seats raised ,ler hand and replied: i highest 4egre of animal Ufa Is the giraffe," tlate'B mother had given her I cents to buy rido a bona. On her return ahe had a jeautlXul orange and Ft (Jo a very lean bone. "Why, Klale." espoatulated her mother, P thai all tha bona you got Fldo for I Yea.1 replied EJsle, hesitatingly. V'WelL I don't think that la much of a 4wo lor I cants," said her mother after a Closer Inspection. Well, mamma." aaid tha little rwi bought this range for oenta and the man Fldo that bone; and Fldo ten t mak ing a Mt of a rues about It, so I don't see Why you seed to." Mamma." said little Bessie. wistfully Into her mother's face, rrv the babr ivhil.i" "No.. Indeed, my Utile darling; you are 1-4 ycung and small; you might let It fall." "Well, mamma," waa her disappointed response, "then may I have it when It la worn out?" j nue traveling through Ohio a few years ig Twr. T. C. Mendenhall of the Worces- J looking "may 1 ter Institute says that he consented to ad dress a few remarks to the pupils In the district school that he had att.n. a boy. "lld any of you," be asked, --ever see an elephant sklnT A boy held up bis band and wriggled ex citedly. Well," raid the professor, "I have," aaid the boy. "Where did you aee It?" . , "On an elephant," April. Puddin'head Wilson said of i the 1st ot April: "On this day we are reminded of what we are on the other 361." April baa other advantages. It Is April showers that bring May flowers." Also the variegated Quality of weather that keep one between a linen duster and an ulster all the time. Hut, with all lis vagaries April Is an Important and welcome month. Now the farmer will hie him away to the fields, snd the air will be heavy with the odor of new turned earth, and the great stretches of fertile land, the sea of the prairie, whose waves are the long, low rldgus of fruitful soli, will show the preparations for the seedtime and the harvest. For In April has a new birth come to Mother Earth each year "since first the flight of years began." And finally, George Uordon, Lord. Byron said: "In three things no man shouid put faith the word of a woman, the health ot a horse and the sunshine of an April day." Tw Tries nasal Oat. . The Rochester I'ost-L'xpreng tells of a youth who was about going out to hia first formal dinner party. Ill mother said: "Now don't forget your mmannera, James; be sure to say something compli mentary when the food Is passed." He endeavored to do so. When butter was served he remarked pleasantly, "This U pretty 'good butter, what there is of It." The remark was not well received, he saw that he had made a mistake, and he endeavored to correct It by saying, "And there's plenty of It, aucn as It Is " Very Tortaoaa. Indeed. The late Hugh J. tirant of New YoVk once talked at a political banquet about a noted corporation lawyer. "Oh, yes; lies got a grand Dilnd." he said. .."A great legal mind. He's got the meat tortuous mind In America " Mr. Grant shook his head. "A tortuous mind. Indeed," he repested. "Why. if ht swalloed a nail. 1i'd bring up a screw." New York Times. Mar-vrl-Iuas. The bloodhound of legend used to run the escaping fu gitive to earth and then tear him limb from limb. The bloodhound In practice takes the police over miles and miles of vagarious wander ings, and brings them back empty-handed. Verily, the bloodhound is like a lot of other things In the world. Hatfield. Hatfield of 1 Am aster, re minds Ye F.diior of what Aitercue Ward said of the aan aroo. "He a an amoosiu lime cuss." Love. Maybe new Mayor Ixtve will have time to look over soma of the other towna In the world and find out wherein they actually differ from the holy city. (From a Staff Correspondent.) CIL'OAH UONZALKS, Bina loa, MeJIco, Mai eh 30. (Spe cial, by Peon to the Frontier.) Here's a brand new town; it Isn't on the map, It Isn't even on the scenery, but that doesn't worry Us founder. General IVdro Monte Toms Gonzales couldn't think of anything else to do. so he lust named the place after himself. "Caramba!" he said to his army, and went on. "Carajo! Am 1 not the brave general? l'or que should 1 not have for myself a city named? Is Gon xalea less a name for a city than Porflrio OIhx, orjuares? F.I t'ldudsd Gonzales, viva Gonzales! F.sta Bueno." This Is the most exciting event of the week. 1 under stood that a sortie had been made by the federala against Frio FrIJoles, but learn since that it waa a mistake. An other army moved up and went into camp In the arroyo south of the haclendada. The two armies met near the hen house, and this gave rise to the report that an attack had been made. The insurrectos In this sec tlon object to the Idea of hav ing a charter from the Amer ican Federation of Labor. They contend that they are free and Independent, and en Joy the right and privilege of making Individual contracts for their services, and do not propose to allow any gringo to dictate to them the num ber of hours they shall put In dally or what they shall ask for their services. The effect of this Is going to be that the eight-hour movement In the rebel army will fall. Tins puts the government at a great disadvantage, as It contract with ita soldiers runs for several weeks yet. and is for a strict eight-hour dsy. You will readily see the dlf ficulty of the situation. Sup pose the regular ermy should encounter the Insurrectos Just as the whistle blew would not the government be at a decided disadvantage, espe cially aa the regulars are for bidden to work overtime? 1 am going Into Chihuahua for the Easter parade. The bull fight on Faster Sunday will beat the war game. Adioa. FELKO. Uyaanslte. A little bit of dynamite properly placed will make a lot of noise and not do a great deal of aamage. March. We never had much regret la saving farewell to March, and Kes than ever this time. DOWN AT LINCOLN Par Dsy Has Stopped aod Kad of the Hesalon Is , .Sot Far Away. (From a Staff Correspondent.) LINCOLN. Marcn at). ISue- clal.) You can look for the finish at any time now; pay stopped Thursday, and this bunch isn't fond of doing something for nothing. So the lime lor adjournment will be fixed very soon. Hon. Hatlield had the spot light most of the time lately. He is ot the opinion that the only place for a medical col lege Is somewhere close to Tenth and o. It wasn't his tault that the rest of the leg islature didn't agree with him. He waa willing to concede that another good location for such a school might be found, but it wasn t In Omaha. At any rate, Hatlield won nis place among ljincaater county immortals. Hon. Aldrlch slammed a couple of additional vetoes Into the boys. Just to snow them that the state really has a governor. , As his work was largely In the way of saving money for the taxpayers, ho will be rewarded with general approval of his acts. Hon, ' Metzger and Hon. Eager furnished some fire works, but It was easily sub dued. Question: Why do the boys at the University call Hon. Kager "Dog?" lp town things are simply awful. The voters actually turned down the archangel of the holy city, and refused to give blm a second term or even a chance to win a second terra as mayor. What do you know of that for rough treat ment, especially to a man who has been a mighty power In the rajika of those who worked to make IJucoln a city where tha saints could find rest, and where the un- saintly couldn't do anything but rest? We'll have the big doln s here Tuesday. IKE. ( amdldatrs. Vir a total list of canfll dates for county offices, read the list of thoxe who are now holding cltv offices, and add the louglas county delega tion at Lincoln. This will give you the democratic ros ter and some oi ine repuD llcans. Remedy. Ye B:dltor suggests that It might help a little If the criminal knew In advance that his crime would be punished If he were detected. As It Is. he haa better than a J lo-l chance of getting off scot free, and he always relies on Bolaad. Alphabetical Poland. who was elected to the legislature from Omaha, shows his Inde pendence by voting ta kill the Omaha Medical college. All right. ftoMa. Last Sunday morning the robins sang underneath the window of the room In which Ye Editor slept. Query Where la that robin now? ODE TO HAREM SKIRT Effect of mm Omaha Epi sode on m Tender, Shrinking; Mind. Some modest poetaster. blushing, no doubt, at his temerity, has mailed The Humble Kee the following un signed effusion, the outburst of a tender mind. The en velope bears the postmark of Lincoln, hut as Doc Bixby sticks to an old wornout type writer, and this is written with a lead pencil in firm hand, he Is exonerated. Also Dick Metcalfe Is freed of sus picion, for, while he uses a pencil most of the time, his chirography has much the character of his politics. However, comma, here Is the Mncoln impression of the harem skirt: Long time ago when things were new, And on old earth were only two. I quickly roped Mrs. Adam in 13 y telling her of naughty sin. Since then I've been In every guise And never had but one sur prise and that from Omaha. Upon Its streets I walked real proud, Hoping to draw a Jolly crowd ; But from the hearts of Omahans Came only scorn, I cried aloud. And Just to think the way I'm made (bloomers), With any color for a shade; You'd think the Eves In that wild town Would quickly place on me a crown ; Instead of that they turned me down Oh, Omaha, you good old town. WILL. II K HE GOOD! Here goes "Concerning F. B. T., The Sherlock Holmes of The Bumble Bee." Whoever could have guessed. That an empty can and me Could Inspire a "pome" In the lofty dome Of the gifted F. B. T. And whoever could conjecture With what zeal he'd get In Una And dance to the tune of a rollicking rune On that old quart cup of mine. But there's some Information I'd like to extract. If able; Has my opponent ever hnard Of the kid and tho wuif In the fable? If so, I slmplv would suggest, In a tone of mild reproof. That F II. T., with hia re partee, Ougtit to come down off that roof. -Q. K EL OSSITT. The Tired Business Man BY WALTER A. SINCLAIR Tells Friend Wife Soft Hoap Is KftlravrlouN in Finance and ltobbery. Never would have thought it waa so easy to get large sums of money from banks and wealthy men," exclaimed Friend Wife. "They seem so trusting." Have to have trusting men to officer trust companies, exclaimed the Tired Business Man. "If they didn't trust some body it wouldn't be a trust company, any more than a billionaire who wouldn't give up when told he resembled Washington would be a trust director. He directs his trust In human nature and occasionally it gets misplaced and lands In a side pocket. Then l.is aim may be poor. This is the age of personality In busi ness. Hardened financiers wno would looa with a cold, 'yea,' clammy eye on any proposition not as solid as Gibraltar or their headB; men who wouldn't even lend their depositors money on schemes where there was an even break, will melt and un belt In grand style to the accomplished conversationalist who cultivates the Ox ford stroke In handshaking with the right people and wears his cravats correctly ad-Justed. 'Apparently soft soap la as efficacious nowadays In getting to large bales of Treasury department lithographs, either n banks or In the Jeans of a wealthy phil anthropist, as It was in the days of the Brothers James referring to the Missouri branch of the family when they spread it on the rails Just before the midnight ex press reached Blue Cut. Even the yegg man uses soft soap for tunneling 'soup' Into a country postofflce's mothproof safe. There seems to be an Impression that using soap sort of makes for'clean money. 'The modern art of collecting money In cumbersome quantities haa become very simple. Either you tate around a bunch r of waste paper or you develop a alap on the back which deacens the keen business perception. Of course, you have dealt In waste paper. Don't deny ' It. You have gathered together bales of magazines, Jamed to the guards with the brains of the nation, highbrows on the evils which are throttHng our nation and other fiction features. And you have plied up slacks of newspapers, bulging with news red hot from the press oh, a whole lot of really good stuff that you might send to some hospital or missionary where fresh read ing Is scarce. "But, no. You hoard It up until you hava upward Ot a ton, and one day the man who always acts like a smuggler and yells like a circus announcer bellows along that he will give up regular cash for waste paper. After haggling an hour, you part with a carload of It for 11 cents If you're a good business person. But that Isn't the way they do In financial circles at all, at all. I suppose traveling In financial circles makes one dizzy. Hence an easy victim, when a soft voiced person with a persua sive, genial manner whispers In his ear that ha needs a million or two, wavea a handful of tastefully engraved stock under the banker's nose and departs from thence. Or, mayhap. If the visitor haa had a musi cal training, he sings a aong and borrows on that. "Anyway, the trusting, trustful trust company man never comes to until the prosecutors and bank examiners coma leap ing gayly through the holes In the de posits. We're .used to that kind of financier who can march Into a bank like a lamb and go out like a lion, but it's new to hear that one can go up to a great trust millionaire, wallop him between the alioul del blades, tell him he ha all the couipo "BONO." nents of Washington, Lincoln, Napoleon, Caesar, Alexander, Peter the Hermit, Peter the Great Machlavelll, 'Knockout' Brjwn and several Ingredients all his own and then painlessly extract two million bucks from his roll, leaving liitu beaming and murmuring In plionetlc spelling. "I'm trying to think of some Wealthy Individual I can edge up to long enough to whisper that he ltmiuds me of 'Chris' Columbus, Thomas Jefferson, Cromwell, King Midas and 'Dluk' Turpln. Maybe he Lwould come across If I made tha resem blance plain and asked for enough cash. I'm sure I'd be glad to date the notes on the first day of April. It would be appro priate." "I can't understand II," murmured Friend Wife. "They were supposed, to .be such hard-headed business men." "Or bone-headed," suggested the Tired Business Man. , (Copyright, 1911, by the N. Y. Herald Co.) r Vinegary Sarcasm . J A man traveling westward on a through express, one day last week, left his scat In the crowded dining car just after he had ordered his luncheon. He went to get Something he had forgotten In the Pullman. When he returned, In spite of the fact that he left a mrgatlne on the chair In th diner, he found a handsomely dressed woman In hia place. He protested with all the politeness he could muster, but tha woman turned on lilm with flashing eyes. ' Sir," she remarked, haughtily, "do you know that I am one of the directors' wives?" "My dear madam," he responded, "If you were the director's only wife J should still ask for my chair." Philadelphia Times. Daily Health Hint Stimulation is merely hurrying, and must be followed by resting to equal Ue mattera. After the physical stimulation is removed there tomes the time of rest for tho heart, during which tinio a feeling ot A Chinese mining company Is trying to interest the Pacific coast In lis coal, coks and cement.