rtIK IF,H: OMAHA. TITOKSDAY. MAKCII 2X WU.
11
v ' i or . t m. . m. Mr m
V
Undoing of Mr. Uplift
HT IAKAY ETTE PARKS.
"Why it a Farmerette!" Arpued
by Father Tt. Son
until they
know a bun
rrm' Job down
could 'dig up
! wnt down yesterday to that Long
Is'anif farm' here they are teaching young
wnmrti how lo be farmer." says Mr. T'p
lift when yewig Mr, tplift arrive for th
evening arg-Jment. "Mm. Belmont thinks
lhcr la a field on tha farm for girl".'- adds
Katlier.
h. you farmerette!'' exclaim Eon, with
, onflilerabla enthusiasm for him. Hark to
the fields low the skirt, la my sentiments."
' Eventually they expect to perform all
f the work, down there wiOiout the aid
ft m-h." continues Father.
"In other, .words," deduces Son. "they
will let the hired man do the rough work
until they see If they like the place. I
unrh of folka who would take
on the old homestead If they
g up some scnem to cut out tne
rough stuff."
yi-ast nigh down there, for example."
relate Father, "the hired man milked the
ran 'and fed the horses while the girl
pupUs watched him."
"Chambermaid in a cow -stable ought to
be "a swell Job far a New York dame."
thlnka ivjn. "When they get the work
down- flrx thyl probably want all the
powa, to "wear v nightgowns tied up with
pink ribbons.'--
"8evrak'f the young . women had been
dressmHkers, others ' stenographers, ' and
sUll uUiers. clerks,'.". Informs Father.
"While the keyboard en a Jereey cow
In a"Ifttle dlfnrent from -that on a type
wiiter,.'" jre marka ' Son, a bright slenog
taptier - who i la. up. an shorthand ought
trf be wbtef t get np enough speed to drag
.out milk; for fhe coffee." Being good on
-tigna. If the rows happens to kVck over the
nils: pall." the sienogmpher can easily hand
ut the double croaa to Boeey."
. "Farmers' .daughters almost always do
he milking and almllar choree." argues
father, "and 1- see no reason why these
illy girls, ca-noyi learrii to do such tasks."
. "Mt of Ihe-dames I know -would rather
imp' a Rime in the slot and get a can
of condensed ,mllk,','"'on suggests.
"The farm horses were shod when. I was
there." says rtttur, "and the glrla were
very much Interested -"In" the process and
ntad a, number ot suggestions for Improve
ment."! ' -.;i'' -
.''lave It'Xo the' ektrts to come arross
With I b Suggestions.'" declare Son. "After
that bunch KBts to running the farm they'll
probably have all tha plug wearing shoes
with Fnenvh heel and suede top on week
day and patent leather pumps with silk
Rocking on Sundays."
I roust admit that I was somewhat
amused,-at their efforts to try to harness
up the' norsea," confesses) "father. -"They
v. T 1 SX
i
'..I
lt Kirr7o"r skiptj'To cow,
CROSS UTTH ?H SUOijLST KMSy
wanted to put all the fancy trappings In
the slable on a pair of horses going into
the field to plough.'
"The dames may think It's a circus now,"
warns Son, "hut. believe me, the horse
knows the difference. He can't keep his
mind on Ms work if he's nil tnpged up like
a circus pony In the big parade."
"Ncne of the girls even knew how to
feed the chickens." Father rontlnues.
"Tut little Bright Eyes In a Broadway
restaurant and there Isn't anybody who
knows better how to take care of a
chicken." comment cynical Son. "At that,
one small hot bird on a silver platter Is I
Leasler to get away with than three or
four hundred of those hens that made Ply
mouth Hock famous. She ran chew one.
but she can't shoo a whole flock," ma-
llclously adds Son. while Father casts a
suspicious glance at him as If to bar such
levity.
"When the young women farmers went
down to the duck yard those birds all
swam away, leaving the girls in despair,"
says Father.
"Taking water and ducking it at thai
same time, eb?" queries Son, "which is go
ing some."
"The girls will raise pea. lettuce, rad
ishes and green corn this first season,"
explains Father.
"'Let us hope the stuff will come up,"
hedges Son.
"They expect to grow enougi produce
this summer to keep them next winter,'
Father concludes.
"Here's hoping the farmerettes won't
have to live on snow balls, then,' wishes
8on.
(Copyright. 1911, by the N. T. Herald Co.)
The Wise Old Insect
rUtice there was an old Insect w ho had a
beautiful field of grain which she would
not let anyone touch or enter, for fearj
.lboy-we aid et,L .,..
.Th -aaaJoitera, however, -were deler
jitlwl V, bare omeof the grain, becaus
tbey war giving: a party every night and
' wanted, grain for-refreshments.
84 tie? inads a' plan. '
' One grasshopper tut on,- a large black
wig and blue spectacle no one could pos
sibly "bars, known him and went to see
Iks eld Insect, tailing her he was "a pro
fessor of dancing.
' Tbe'oW Insect was delighted and Wanted
V ...... . W -V,.1 k.
hopper. "But It Is only fair to tell you
that? It i rather painful. Because, th
first thing to,tJa' ta," to cut off your feei
-ind iiakt you new ojies-you. . could nevei
'rattle yowr bones with such; f-et as you
have.-.. , 1 ':';,
, Well.. , the ,14. insect was so set on learn
ing" te dartee-that ah ail; - ''Never niln.1
Ijow much it hurt mo ahead.'.'
So. tha asshopper cut off her feet all
alx-nd left her. saying that b would
come back the next day with the new
" ones. whlch','tf court, he never Intended
14 do at al."'" Tbat night the grasshopper
had. fla Rsrty, with n the grain tbey
wanted. After several dava. however, the
old Insect made bp her mind that a trick
had been played on her and she was very
.angry'.' She sent for her friend. Toad, told
him all about It and. begged blm to catci
, I I f- TTI I. LLi fPorrr collar K
i ill. fur s II iv c j j -w - - 1 1 ; i
I II t fW X II N I I I - 1
I I II S S f II vv - . llir"!
I I I I ' S S X V II --"- C - i 1 I I L1
I I I x v-fciy c
1 ' ' ' ' ' " " '
I 'Je" I I tliimT7 I YOtt Mlt OFF
.bbbw ii ' ' t f rv . ri -x ' ii i in ra l
i i x j i - --r - i i r x s. ywi r i ar -v i
Ii Ky'MTo rrrn&r-H lUXr-. t mz A nffeJ
1 25t-TS . H Hv. -j r 1 1 v-f-rt iv J 41 . - I
I ltXLv. II - - J
i
F Til Uer VMu.t.?.) .J f -Jk TV'S 1 I
in V 'f1.-- ii lift ft V r Iff S--L II
" '. n ' i -1. r-x
TjrjHEi Junior, DiRTHDiffDciDK
This is ihe
Day We
Celebrate
ml I
f J A : ' 'iff;
RHEA RAWTKR.
S415 North Twenty-fourth street.
March 23, 1911.
Nam and A1dr.M. School. . Year.
Erlyn Bovell. 3028 Cass St Webster ..... a ..:v
TberiA Cifuno, 815 South Twenty-fourth St Maaon ISO-
Edward A. Cormoran, 603 Marcy St m. rnuomena ieta
Martin E. Dox. 492 Chicago St launders ...,iut.
Margaret Dolen, 1120 Sherman Ave kellom .1901
Auhrae DcBuse. 4104 North Twenty-eighth Ave Saratoga w!90S
inir" 320B Sonth Twenty-first St Vinton ....190
Julia M. Fowler. 3036 Ames Ave nionmouin tn
John Frosh, 1110 South Sixth St racinc
OHye Kraer, 3216 South Twentieth St
Ida Hislop, 4821 North Twenty-seventh St..
John Hamilton, 1816 Izard St v.
Clara M. Hall. 2612 North Fourteenth St....
Ruth Harrow, 3034 ETans St
Paul Jacobs. 2429 Manderaon St
Charlea Kysela, 1909 South Second St
HarrjrManley, 3016 Pinkney St
Frank Moore. 2609 Patrick Ave
. . Vinton ....
. .Saratoga . ...
. . Cass ......
. . Lake
. .Druid Hill.
..Lothrop ...
. .Train .
. .Druid Hill . ,
. .Long
Kenneth McCandlesa, 1017 North Thirty-fourth St.. Franklin ... ;.
Edith M. Pettegrew, 4514 North Thirty-fourth Ave. .Monmouth Park
Luclle-Robertson. 507 South Twenty-fifth Ave Mason
Harry Ramm, 920 North Twenty-eighth Ave Webster
Walter Romery, 4435 North Thirty-ninth St Central Tark '. .
Harry Robert Cronln, 211 South Twentieth St Central
Willie Slyter, 2412 Dodge- St Park
David Simon, 2315 South Thirty-second St Windsor . . .
Rachel Sims, 4105 South Twelfth St Forest ........
Charles Semlk, 1008 Homer St Bancroft.......
Marie K. Sawyer, 3415 North Twenty-fourth St. ... Sacred Heart ..
Byron C. Taylor, 2518 Woolworth Ave High
Katie Vana, 307 Pine St Train ........
Helen WlUett, 2501 Corby St Lothrop
Edwin Wlnterton. 707 South Twenty-ninth St..
j August Wietrke, 2218 South Twenty-fifth St. .. .
i Blanch Yonsen, . 973 North Twenty-seventh Are.
Katie Zogurskt, 2364 Sonth Twenty-ninth St...
...1S99
...1898
...1898
. . .1904
...1900
.,.1899
; . 1 90S
".1896
.-1904
...1901
,.:i900
i .1898
...1900
. ..1900
...1905
...1901
,-.-1896
.rJ900
.,1?02
. .1901
...1896
. .1903
. ..1890
. . .1904
; .:.)981
(Farnara . . . . , . . .1896
. 1m. Conception . : . .1 197
. WebBter ; . 1 8 9 8
. Im. Conception" .'.1904
the professor dancing and punish him by
shallowing him., at one gulp.
Toad suspected the grasshoppers and
Went to" look -for them." The Grasshopper
who had tricked the old insect was very
proud of his wig and spectacles and had
them on again that day, so that Toad knew
him at ' once. t Off went the grasahopper
and off went Toad after him down the
road. olippetyllp, calleprtylap, Jump
Jimpjo! '
The Grasshopper was pretty well fright
ened, and as quickly as he could he turned
a corner and Jumped into a
puddle. He soon crawled out 'the other
side, all rolled In mud. Just a tlg ball with
two eyes shining out of It (he curled his
long legs up tight, you see). ,
Pretty seen here came Toad In a great
hurry. . -
"Hello. Id ud hack. he said. "Have you
keen a professor of dancing with a black
wig and blue spectacles? 1 want him very
particularly and I want him light away."
"Professor!" cried the grasshopper. In
side his mud ball. In the biggest, gruffet
voice you evei" beard. "'! don't know about
any professor. I am looking for toads
I'm very hungry!"
When the toad heard that tie a as scared
out of his three senses (all he had) and
away- he went and never came back. But
the Grasshopper washed off the mud and
returned to his friends, who gave eleven
fine parties with all the grain they wanted,
because the selfish old insect had to go In
a wheel chglr and couldn't chase them.
Prohibitionist Barkeep on Buttermilk
Eggs-They Reduce One Woman to Literature
The recent catastrophe in the egg pack- i know that eggs which went into the cooler
lng business has reduced the egg men and
big mud j their wives to such financial straits that
some or them are turning to literature in
the hop that it will help them buy their
groceries, says the Chicago Tribune mar
ket reporter. If they cannot sell their eggs
at a profit, they hope, at least, to turn
their troubles into literature and checks.
The following dissertation on "The Egg and
Its Hahits," by the "Wife of a Cold Stor
age Man:"
"Lay not up for yourself eggs In cold
storage, where moisture and age doth cor
rupt and where pur food laws break
through and squeal.
."When 1 met Tom It was a case of egg
at first sight and ever wince life has be?n
one grand omelet to me until this winter,
when the bottom dropped out of the case.
During the Jate unpleaaantness Tom, to
use his own words, 'got It in the yolk,
and then some." As usual, I was the In
nocent bystander and was egged on until
I wsa tempted to beat It. How was I to
Dyspeptic Philosophy
Snake Overworked
liven with aeroplanes our castles In the
air seem no more accessible.
! U lu't .always the flashy young man
wt Is a quick: as lightning.
Mny . f-T .goes abroad to finieh an
. education that has never even been begun.
Rven wben ' he reaches the top of the
ladder, a ' man "Isn't always above sus
picion. - 1
" ' The fellow 'Who is Jilted when a girl
maTiea anptbttT man .1 Sometimes the
- first, t get aver It.
' It certainty' lvp'f, the absence of raw ma
terial trwtt keepa a. man from making a
fool ef femwielf. '
One-half the World doean t know how the
other hajf lk nor why, wblih la more
to the putnr. j
There is nothing Like stacking up against
lb world to brtug out all there 1 In a
luaa, unless tt te aa ocean voyage.
There seema to be quite a difference be
tween beginning at the bottom and get
ting in on the ground flour
The ani of life are acquired by the
men who ha. plenty of ginger,
s W can all diaw our own Inferencea. but
l 4ou u Tier to rotor them--Nw York
Times"
J
at cents would come out at a? I don't
know any hens personally; how could 1
tell? Eggs are Just like the boy who
couldn't learn to spell because the teacher
kept changing the words on him. You
can't learn when to store eggs because the
weather man keeps changing the weathei
on you. That's what Tom says.
"In my estimation a strictly fresh egg It
all right, but a rotten one should In
canned. When you come to know eggs a
well as I do you'll get to realise there't
a lot In them. There are men in this towi.
today who couldn't hold a candle to ai
egg. A man may be "fresh," and a freshet
man 'awfully fresh," while an egg undei
the same circumstances would be 'fresh,'
'held fresh," or 'fresh laid.' A man Is a
old as he feels and a woman as old as sh
looks,' but an egg Is fresh all the time until
something happens. It all depends on the
life It has led, whether It has had a hot
time and gone to the bad early or ha
managed to keep cool and earn the respect
of the community.
"The egg haa an awful crust. An egg
that Is old enough to know better will try
to look like It hadn't been laid an hour.
It's nothing but a shell game. The way It
keeps In storage all depends on the shell.
When an egg has done time In the cooler
until senile decay Is no name for what It
has. its shell grows a mossy fungus that
Tom calls whiskers. He says any ware
house that Is on the square will furnish
a raior with every caie.
"Speaking of eggs reminds me of the
farmers and the pathetic tale we used to
hear of the poor farmer buncoed by the
nicked commission man. But It's differ
ent now.
x "The commission man. all sad and for
lorn, is milked by the farmer all shaven
and shorn, vha Is driven home In the early
morn. In the limousine with the crumpled
horn, which he toots and toots to show his
scorn, and to frighten the hens that laid
the eggs that are stored In the bouse that
Cold Storage Jack built." (
Simeon Kurd. New York's brilliant ra- j
conteur, was talking about t. Patrick's
day In prohibition states.
"At 6t. Patrick's -day banquets In dry
slates." he said, "they are able. I sunpoe.
to drink a little 'wine to the, success of
home rule, but they have to overwork the
snake to do it.
"You know, of course, the Kansas snake
story?
"A New York roan, on a visit lo Kan
sas, decided that h-e would 1'k . drink.
But they said to htm:
"" "You can't get a drink anywh-re except
at the drug store.'
"So he went to the drug store, but trfe
drugt:i.-t said:
" 'You can t get a drink here, sir, with
out a doctor's prescription."
" 'But I'm perishing,' sa'.t the visitor,
'rerishlng for a drink. 1 haven't time to
get a doctor's prescription."
" 'Well.' said the druggist. "I have no
power to suh-Iv you with a dilnk "except
for snake bite.'
"" 'Where is the sirakeT said t'.e man
eagerly. 'Give me the snakes address.'
"to the druggist gave him iht snake's
address u.d he hurried off. Hut In about
ten mlnutns he hurried back again
For goodneaa' sake." he sa d. 'give me
that drink. The snake is engaged for
WAR TJ no BE
Ouft trip
Moaey taiks. and that seems to be the I twelve week ahead."
xt aort of campaign oratory.
' Too many men are measured by the site ;
. f their baik aucounts.
If some .mew shvuld ever rise tn the
orM It would probably make them dlsay.
-New Yprk'Tlme.
in. r
- A Fiih Story
J
Mother Johnny, you said you'd txen to
Sunday school.
, Johnny, J.whb, a far-aaay lookl Yea.
msmriis. - - ' . ,
TMasber-aiow dm tt happen that our
tends e"inrlt of ftshT
Jhpy-y-.C -carried 'home the Sunday
'W4 iMMe.. ' Xb ouialda pe la all
about Jonah and the whale. Koseleaf.
Dealt the Park.
An archdeacon engaged as a new foot
man a well recommended youth who had
rved as siahle boy. The first duty which
the youth was called uion to perfwm w as
to accompany the archdeacon on a series
of formal calls
"Bring the cards. Tbomas. and leave
one at each house," ordered his master.
After two hours of visiting from bruse
to bouse the archdeacon's list was ex
hausted. "This is the last house. Thomas."
be said: "leave two cards here."
"Hettgln' your pardon, sir." was the
deferential reply. -1 can t; I've only the
ace of spades left" Ideaa.
A - Parades.
Be good, doat expect to be paid for It,
but don't be a good-for-Bothlng Judge.
7x ii ' v : i
Ca If ITS ABAj-jy. VVIFfy.
. . w&& j-s opt. imn vv
Rsra ra m-k saw
yir4y- HM, n It
"What I've always noticed about the
men that come 4n here for their r re
freshments," said tha prohibitionist bar
keep, smoothing his white garment and
gaslng affably ' at the middle-aged cus
tomer who was drinking a seller lemon
ade, 'is that they drink what they want
when they want It. And therein lies human
nature. I see they're having dry waves in
Georgia and wet waves In Long- Island.
Well, sir, we got wet waves and dry waves
right here In this little emporium thst's
tucked In between tha husy marts of
trade. Here In this town folks have a way
of being good, bad and Indifferent Just
tha same as they do In Watermellonvtlle,
Ga.. or Clamtown. L. L
"Now , you couldn't .legislate old Bill
Soak Into drinking gin flexes because It
was good for his constitution in summer,
nor youag Tom McBurr into giving an
order for port win wben he wanted his
regular drink, which Is half and half. Nor
yet again you couldn't make Phineas Bean
drink anything but buttermilk. Phlneas
wants hla own poison Just as regular as
12 o'clock noon comes, and there's twenty
other genu that have got their drinks
outlined in advancs right along. Ws don't
hare a very flip trade In this here Joint,
but every feller among the regulars is
Just aa steady and set and stubborn about
his habits as an old maid is about the
habits of her pet cat.
"This legislating business on the drink
question is so funny I should shed tears
If it was ever tried in the precincts of this
emporium. Just Imagine an officer of the
law stepping up to Phlneas Bean and tap
ping him on the shoulder and saying: 'My
dear sir, you can't drink buttermilk this
noon. The law forbids buttermilk. Make It
a gin rlckey." Why. say. I can see Phlneas
Bean simply buraln' that officer -up with
his gase, and daabln' down & "cents and
sayfeV, "Barkeep. make It two butter
milks!' " -
"But," said the man with a squint, who
was leaning heavily against tha bar, "up
pose this place snd every other : place
where they sold buttermilk, wss closed up
by law what would Phineas Bean do In
that case, eh?"
"My dear sir." said the prohibitionist
barkeep. "there'd be a buttermilk blind
Uger in every alley in the block, and
Phineas Bean wouldn't pass one of "them.
Phlneas has got as much human ature as
he would have if beer or gin was his regu
lar drink, and if they tried to tag. away
his buttermilk in ihe general assembly
you'd see Phineas Bean down here, jump
in' hurdles trying to find place where he
could buy the insldous Culd.. Summary
action by the authorities to deprlvs Phlneas
Bean of his priceless liberty to purchase
buttermilk would turn 'him from a mild
mannered citizen, with the but'ermlUt habit.
Into a ragln" lawbreaker, with a thirst for
buttermilk that nothing could stop. -
"He'd sneak out in the night to buy it.
He'd meet his choicest friends at the but.
termllk Joints. He'd make tours of re
search and inspection. He'd regard butter
milk as the one object v 6f 'his existence.
He'd' go home at S In the morning; filled
to the brim with buttermilk, and flaunting
his independence.' v
"I'd hate to try to get lit bp to prove tny
Independence if I waa drinking buttermilk,"
observed the man with the squint, making
a new sandwich.
"'I dunno."' aaid the barkeep, rurninfrtlveiy.
"I've seen men go dead wrong JLust on
free lunch. That's the. hunian nature, of
It- Livery feller likes to work a gooj thing
to desth when he feels that anybody la
objecting"." San Francisco 'Chronicle. '
Girls, Beware False Popularity
The popular girl la the natural girl not
the gtggler who gushes Indlscrmlnktely
snd expresses her' artificial "Jollity" by
her labored efforts to capitvate the men.
This type Is popular enough In certain cir
cles, but it Is not a type that does evolve
successful wives. A cynic once observed
that "there are two kinds of women those
we love and those we marry," and he was
Just as wrong as a more famous cynic who
remarked that womanfolk were divided
Into two sots the plain and the painted.
That Is smart, but mere smartness is
not the truth. There are many kinds of
women, and It Is Just as well that this is
so; otherwise, how could the numberless
"Impossible" men find girls sympathetic
enough to pity and marry them?
The popular girl embodies many types,
iifte is. first of all, tactful; then she Is
possessed of a sense of humor and she Is
Jolly, though never at the expense of her
dignity. There Is something about her
which tells the men. that tflhough she Is
free and easy In her manner, they muist
nor-take the slightest 'liberty Fhe doe
not run down her own sex.
Men are terribly severe Judges of
others. They will worship the rowdy,
unconventional let-us-have-a-good-tlme-of-it
aort of a girl, but when she is
gone they will thank their lucky stars
that she is not their wife. They
have taken the cue from the girt
herself, because she makes herself cheap.
It la curious how often a g'.rl makes Ihe
mistake of accepting false popularity for
the real thing. The men will buxs around
her, she will be invited out. at dances she
will never adorn the all. and yet the
tragedy of It. she never marries.
The reason Is Simple. No man marrlea
a girl whom hi acquaintance do not re
spect. And the girl who is without respect
la doomed to old maidenhood or an unlucky
marriage.
Keal popularity Is a happy combination
of comeradeahip and respect, lien as a
rule are chivalrous. Tliey seldom Insult a
girl unless she indicates by her manner
that she can be Insulted, and the Jolly
girl need have no fear of Insults If she
checks all liberties from the firwt.i She
must let her men friends understand they
must respect her.
Therefore, girls, be Jolly and popular
Treat the men as human beings. ; Know
them your accomplishments.. Have more
than a passing acquaintance with, what is
going on In the world of men and women
Do not confine your eon vernation lo pic
ture postcard remarks about leading musi
cal comedy actresses, and do not baae your
admiration for . certain men upon . the
crease In their trousers or in the correct
partings of their hair.
The path to popularity is tricky and
dangerous. She who would pursue tt must
be wary Boeton Herald
r
Daily Health Hint
Anaemia arises from a depleted condi
tion of the blood. To cure it .plenty of
good food ahould be eaten, and exercise
In the open air should be lakeu dally.
Misplaced ladlaaatlua,
"I understand that nous of th.es mem
ber of the legislature who voted for ou
were paid for their vote.-'
"Sir!" exclaimed the njan whfixe" moral
standard are confused; 'how dare you
Insinuate that I owe anytxxly money?'
Washington 8laT . .'
5
