TITE HEE: OMAHA. - THURSDAY. TF,(T,MnKR 1, 1010.
1 '
(
In the Social World.
Wedding Bells
The wedding of Miss Elizabeth MoCon
ell. daughter of Mr. and Mm. Frederick
A. McConnell. and Mr. Robert Lowell
Parker via celebrated last evening at 8:S0
'clock at the home of the bride's parents
on Tark avenue.
The ma rr I a ten lines were read In the living
room by Rev. Frederick T. Rouse. A
oretty decoration of white roses, palms and
ml lax was used In this room. Preceding
the ceremony Mr. Claus Schaub played
Blrmund's "Love Bong." from "Die Walk
ure," on the violin, Miss Henrietta Rcee
playing the piano accompaniments. The
"Bridal Chorus." from Lohengrin, was
played as the wedding march, and during
th ceremony "Du Blst Die Run." hy
Schubert, was played.
The ribbons were stretohed by the bride's
brothers, Messrs. . Lyman and Frederick
MoOonnell, and Mr. James Lawry of St.
Louis served as best man.
Little Misses Harriet Hue Templeton of
St. Louis and Dorothy Sherman were the
flower girls. They wore white lingerie
frocks and carried baskets of rose leaves
and scattered the petals In front of the
bride and groom.
Miss Gretchen McConnell, sister of the
bride, was maid of honor and wore a
dainty gown of pale blue chiffon draped
over self tone messallne. The gown was
trimmed with crystal and she carried an
arm bouquet of American Beauty roses.
The bride walked with her father and
wore a beautiful wedding gown of white
crepe cashmere draped over white satin.
An over drape of Carrlckmacross lace was
caught on the bodice with pearl embroidery.
Her long tulle veil was held In plaoe with
oranga bloHsoms from Cal.fornla and she
carried a shower bouquet of lilies of the
valley and violets, u
A reception for the wedding guests fol
lowed the ceremony. Yellow chrysanthe
mums brightened the dining room and
American Beauty roses were In the draw
ing room and library. Punch was served
In the latter room. Miss Martha Bliss pre
siding at the punch bowl. Assisting through
the room were Meadames J. H. Dumont,
I. W. Carpenter, F. E. White. T. M. Orr.
Charles Sherman. Elisabeth Parke, George
Btebblns, George W. Sumner, Arthur D.
Smith, Frank Wllklns, Misses Bertha
White. Olive Carpenter, Qertrud White
and Katherlne Moorhead.
Mr. and Mrs. Parker left for a wedding
trip to Chicago and St. Louis and will be
at borne affer January 1 at 2417 Emerson
avenue. South Minneapolis.
The out-of-town guests were Mr. and
Mrs. J. T. Templeton and little daughter.
Miss Harriet Su Templeton; Mr. James
La wry e and Mini Mane Taylor, all of St.
Louis, and Mr. and Mrs. H. W. McConnell
of Blue Canon, CaU ..
For the Future
Captain and Mrs. W. T. Wilder will give
a dinner Friday evening at the Hotel Loyal.
German Longs for
the Fatherland
Foreigner Walk Into Police Station
and Aiki That He Be
Deported.
I want to be deposed," was the re
quest made last night at the police station
to Desk Sergeant Marshall by a aad-eyed
Individual standing on the other side of
the wicker. ,
"WhatT" queried the astonished sergeant.
"I want to be deposed," distinctly an
swered the man.
"Oh, yes, we'll dispose of you for the
night." said Sergeant Marshall, seised by
an Inspiration,' "I guess there are a few
beds In there."
. "No! Not" ejaoulated the man In a very
grieved tone of voloe. "You don't under
stand. I want to be deposed to Germany.
I'm not a naturalised cltlsen, and you've
got to eend ra baok to Germany."
"Oh, I see," aald the good-natured polio
scribe, willing to keep a good thing going,
and pretending to count out some money.
'About I'M will do It, I guess, but first
tell me why you want to go back."
. "Don't like the country," was the reply.
"How long have you bean hereT"
"Twnty-two years."
, Just then the storm broke, for the ser
geant Is an ardent American. For five
minutes the sad-eyed stranger listened to
a lecture upon patriotism, the like of which
he had never heard before, and then
walked away with a disappointed air and
disconsolate stride.
Washington Affairs
. . (From a Staff Correspondent)
WASHINGTON, p. C. Nov. . tSpeclal
Telegram.) Army Orders Following are
assignments to regiments of officers re
cently promoted:
First Lieutenant John J. Burleigh, Twenty-second
infantry, to Tentii Infantry.
First Lieutenant M. M. Garrett, Tenth
Infantry, to '1 weiity-nlnlh Infantry.
First Lieutenant Augustine A. Hoffman.
Fourth Infantry, to Tweuty-seventn in
fantry. first Lieutenant Henry 8. Brlnkerhoff.
jr., Klghth Infantry, to Twenty-seventh in
fantry. . First Lieutenant James Blytlie. Twenty
fjtth Infantry, to Thirtieth Infantry.
First IJeulenant Frank C. MeCune, Six
teenth Infantry, to Eleventh Infantry.
First Lieutenant Eiiwln Uunner, Twenty
fourth Infantry, to Seventeenth Infantry.
First Lieutenant Resolve P. palmer,
Sixth Infantry, to Twenty-fourth Infantry.
First Lieutenant KJar.l K. MoCamp,
Tv eaty-second Infantry, to Third Infantry.
The following tranaleis are ordered:
' Captain DwigiU L. Aultn.au from Fifth
fltl't artillery to becond field artillery.
Captain Hairte F. Heed from the second
to Hie Filth field artillery.
ftn'oitd Lieutenant diaries H. Rich,
Twenty-sixth Infantry, will proceed to Fort
lianas Maaa., for physical examination.
Assignments to regiments of officers re
cently promoted oruertnt:
Colonel Charles W. Foster, Second field
artillery, aaiKhed to Sixth field artillery.
Lieutenant Colon! George W. Van Due
tu. Second field artillery, to Second field
artillery.
-Major William 9. McXatr. Sixth field
artillery, to Second field artillery.
Captain William d. Hi owning, Third field
a-riuiy, to Sixth field artillery.
Traiisfere ordered:
First lieutenant Parker Hitt from the
Tweiity-aevuiid to the Tenth infantry.
Flist lieutenant John J. Burleigh from
the Tenth to the Twenty-second infantry.
First Lloulenaut David C. Saagrave. field
ertlllvrv. utiaH,Knet. i assigned to the
Ttilid field artillery.
lave of aboem-o to and Including !"
oeinher 16 Is granted Captain Ku.sr W.
.inner, medical corps.
Rural carriers appointed:
Nebraska Hralnard. route t. P. H. Hick
atetrt, carrier: no substitute. Clarkaou,
route K, Ijo Zelenda, carrier; no aubstltute.
llelvey. route I. Jobs W. Pletcher, carrier;
ut substitute.
.J
Mr. and Mrs. Oerrlt Fort will entertain
at dinner Saturday evening at their home.
Mrs Cyrus Bowman has Issued Invita
tions for a bridge parly for Tuesday after
noon, December .
Pleasures Past
Complimentary to Mrs. Liscomb of New
Tork, guest of Mrs. George Palmer, Mra
Ward M. Burgess entertained at a beauti
fully appointed bridge luncheon today at
her home. Covers were placed for:
Misses
Genivleve Baldwin, Ella Mae Brown.
Mosrtames
Liscomb. Samuel Burns. Jr.:
tieorg Palmer. DcFnrest Richards,
Charles Kountxe, Fred A. NhsIi,
Harry Wilkins. Floyd Smith.
John L. Kennedy, Ward M. Burgess.
Mr. and Mrs. J. W. Ptnkerton entertained
at cards Monday evening for the members
of the Happy Hours Whist club. Those
present were:
Mr. an 1 Mrs. Jones.
Mr. and Mrs. .lei en.
Mr. and Mrs. F. B. Flnnell.
Mr. and Mrs. Oakes.
Mr. and Mrs. William Eden.
The members of the Jolly Twelve Whist
club were entertained Monday evening at
the home of Mr. and Mrs. E. C. Lloyd.
Those present were:
Mr. and Mrs. p. E. Lovejoy.
Mr. and Mrs. E. L. Lawler.
Mr. and Mrs. William Drake.
Mr. and Mrs. Henry Aahel.
Mr. and Mrs. J. J. Mullen.
Mr. and Mrs. E. C. Lloyd.
Mils Brownie Bess Raum was hostess
Tuesday at the meeting of the Bridge
Luncheon club. Miss Jean Barkalow of
Denver, Miss Agnes Burkley and Miss Claire
Helens Woodard were ' the guests of the
club. Those present were:
Misses Misses
Eugene Whltmorw, Jean Barkalow
Frances Nash, of Denver,
Carolyn Barkalow, t Claire Woodard.
Agnes Burkley.
Mrs. Denlse Barkalow.
The Crescent Whist club "was entertained
Tuesday by Mrs. A. A, Crandall. Those
present were Mesdamea A W. Fogg, W.
B. Tagg, F. Read, L. A. Dermody, J.
Wyness, W. D. Routt, U B. Holly, Cllne.
F. D. Franklyn, Thomas Kelly, A. Han
cock, C. H. Malllson and A. A. CrandaU.
Personal Gossip
Miss Carolyn Barkalow has returned
from a short visit In St Paul. Minn.
M ss Alice Cary McGrew, who has been
visiting In Lincoln, Is expected home Thurs
day. Mr. and Mrs. Fred W. Thomas hare
moved Into their new home at 607 South
Thirty-eighth avenue.
Mrs. Robert Lee Hamilton and little
daughter Lee of Lincoln, who are the
guests of Mr. and Mrs. Will Her, return to
Lincoln Thursday.
. Mrs. C. B. Miller of Manning, la., and
her sister, Miss Cora Louden of Chloago,
who have been visiting Misses Agnes and
Gertrude Lynch, returned home last even
ing.
San Francisco Gets
BienniaLof Women
Directory Board of General Federation
at Colfax, la., Decides to Take
Convention to Coast.
COLFAX, la., Nov. 80. After a spirited
contest among the members of the direc
tory board of the General Federation of
Women's clubs, which has been In session
here for two days, San Francisco was
chosen as the next meeting place of the
biennial session. It will be held In June,
1813.
Niagara Falls. Salt Lake City, Montreal
and Atlantic City were- eager bidders for
the convention. Memphis. Tenn., secured
the meeting of the council - of the federa
tion. This meeting will be held next year
In May, and Is made tip of the presidents
of the state federations, presidents of wom
en's clubs and standing committees of the
federation. The session of the board will
close Friday.
MAN BEHEADED BY A TRAIN
Eye-Wltaesa Asserts irlkir Cobb
BBltte Salclde Frleads Bay It
Wm Aecldeat.
NEJW TORK. Nov.: SO. Daniel Arthur;
vie president and treasurer of a New
Tork Machine oonipeny, was beheaded by
a passenger train at the Paclflo avenu
sutlon of the Central Railroad of New
Jersey, Jersey City, this evening.
In a statement to the police, John Rauer,
an eye-witness, declared he had seen Ar
thur deliberately lay himself aorofs the
rails as a westbound express approached.
Friends of Arthur say his death was ac
cidental. Culled from the Wire.
Two counties of Virginia voted Issues of
bonds aggregating Sl.ooo.uw (or highway
improvement.
Thomas C. Dawson. American minister
to Manama, has been granted a leave of
absence and will sail from the Isthmus on
Thursday.
The San Francisco Sun. a new one-cent
democratic dally, the first number of
which appeared on September 3, sus
pended publication.
The trial of Hattte L Blanc, charged
with the murder of Clarence F. Olover In
his laundry at Waltham. Mass., was be
gun Tuesday at Kast Cambridge,
The 1'nlted States Steel corporation will
soon announce a pension plan for employes
between t and 70 years of age, which
will become effective January 1.
A memorial painting of the late Julia
w ard Howe will be added to the portrait
collection In Fanuell hail, according to
plans Just perfected at a public meeting.
Every street car tn Cleveland. O., stood
still fur five minutes Tuesday whll. n.
funeral services were being held for Robert
j layior, lata t. luiej males circuit court
Judge,
H. H. Worthen of New Tork has been ap-
IMjnueu iin.mj superinierMient of the
eouinern u l vision or the Western Uuiun
Telegraph company to sucoeed the late O.
F. Dil.ou.
The ahlp Terra Nova, bearing the British
south polar expedition under the command
of Captain Robert F. HoutL has sailed
irom run t iiaiuisrs, jviow Zealand, for
vne Aiatruc.
The death penalty fixed by a like
county, Missouri. Jury on Mort Holman
a negro, for ao attack on Cora Flowers'
was ton firmed by the aurrama eonrt Tm.1
day. Ti date of the execution will be
naeu uy ui supreme court later.
The first leg of a .)-nil Is Journey by
automobile from New York t ban Fran
clso by the southarn route waa completed
today when representatives of the Ameri
can Automobile association reached At
lanta. Ga., from New Turk.
John C. Jafferds, Jr.. son of a well
known Worcester. Mass., meruhanl, was
arrested on a charge of manslaughter.
Jeffenls was arrested following the deatn
of Miss Linma Bt Martyn at IxSrester,
whom be ran dowa wita Lis auUMttouii.
VELLULVAITA LITTLE UHII.s
JOHN.PFfytX, YOtLU Tp, nrfN I'LL OJEAM T"
( mvt TO CLEAN TH K VjtVPtBtty STEPS AX ONCE DEAR.)
I SLF6T AMP SNOW PROM 1 fN AfRAlO VOO'LU
I
wau.iuwMrr a i 111 T7 w LL.ru. wait i
llf'. rTZ j " j HEUO.MR.JOHN&TON, J
IL I ' MK.&MITH CAHN9T -v
HlLjill 3, CoP TO WORK, H SLPTtU J
ii J I EHWKeHIS ARM AbfOSPRAlrO
VP y . I Ml 5 ANKLE, fHC 'DOCTOR
NTi , NTi H6 WILL HAVE TO
Safs ' ' ' CQ.61ttwWIM1-
TUE3SDAT Tom does the most aggra
vating things. When he ha come to see
me, Just before he goes home, be gets very
silent. Of course, I have to try to make
conversation or do something, as you can't
let a person go away In dead silenoe. As
he refuse to help me out, naturally, I am
apt to be a little vague. Sometimes he
drop In on hfa way uptown from business
late In the afternoon. He happened to drop
In five time last week and each day was
less talkative Just before leaving. Tester
day be sent this note and I think it was
rather mean of him:
'Dear Dollle OrttJn things we must
consider as granted. If a man ha called
on you for a number tf year at frequent
Intervals, w can believe that his company
I acceptable and that you would not ob
ject to seeing him again. In whloh case
It would be wis to let him keep a pleas
ant Impression. This would be made up of
a series of Impressions, of which the hst
would be the most important. Therefor
the parting should be handled with care.
Why, then, should you at the critical time
become ahaent minded, or read card, or
torture your hair, or make absolutely Ir-
revelant and disrespectful remarks? Why T
I can explain it only two ways either it Is
some diabolUcally oontrlved plan, or it Is
the result of mental collapse after a long
mental strain when the relief Is In sight.
If It Is a plan, what la Its object T And if
neither of my explanations Is right, what Is
yours T I give notice that I shall expect
an answer and that I shall shortly call for
it." ... "TOM."
Now what could any girl reply to a not
TOU OUGHT TO HAVE BEEN THE
WAT TOM WAS ACTING WITH
ETHEL COLLINS."
Ilk that? Its perfectly rldloukjua. He
r
Items of
Polo cloth I a boon to th 1 amateur
tailor. For the smartest looking coats can
be fashioned from this fabiio at home
with Uttle trouble, because th cloth I
double-faced, and so no lining Is needed.
Lining a coat demands skill, and as th
approved model 1 fairly loose an inter
lining for any but an expert would be dif
ficult, even with an excellent pattern.
In polo cloth a variety of combination
may be found, such as tan, Maok, blue,
brawa and gray en on side and striking
plaid effects an tb other. The plala 1
jT-y
I A j
LY of DOLL
COmMHT. wio. r M at TOM
does the most irritating things himself,
and then accuses me of being peculiar.
Last spring when I had such a friendship
with Jack Wrltrht, and was unable to see
Tom on two or three occasions when he
called me up. he was so weak minded and
so dependent on feminine society, evidently,
"I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO
MAKE TO TOU."
that I met him with that Oolllna girl once
or twice when I happened to be with Jack.
Mollis Turner came around and told me
that he eras simply crasy about her. She
aald hi devotion to her was becoming
pathetic. I said I did hope she waa being
awfully nice t . 'm, poor fellow, but 1
don't think Moi .as a bit taken in, and
I began to feel rather worried.
That Ethel Collins Is really awfully good
looking, though I think she wears awful
clothes; but, of course, men never know
whether a girl's skirt ha the right out.
I called Tom up the day after Mollle told
me how crazy be was about Ethel and
asked him to com in at half-past five for
tea, and he bad actually said he had an
other engagement. I was furious, because
he was so flippant about It, and I thought
I would go around to see Mollle and ask
her how her cold waa Poor Mollle nad
been to a. dinner a night or two before
where Tom and Ethel Collin had been, too,
and had sat In a draught, so aha 'phoned
me, and caught an awful cold. I thought
It waa only decent to go around and lnuulr
how she was. When I gut ther I said:
' i 1 fW 'I. 1
aV Jit J 81 ill I
Interest for the Women Folk
used for the coat and the plaid for trim
ming. '
Black and white In combination is popu
lar In millinery and la becoming to the
average woman.
One rule to be strictly remembered wheu
buying a bat is that If the wearer la short
or stout the crown should always be white
and the brim black. But if th wearer la
tall the k'own should b black and th
brim whit. For by thl combination th
height will apparently atop at th Una tf
th brtrn.
WUbSM WEW vm MOULD Mi ss Burn i
"How is your cold?" She said: "If all
right, my dear; you ought to have seen the
way Totn waa acting with Ethel Collin at
the Meekman's dinner. They must be en
gaged!" I said: "This Is an awful good
picture of your mother, Mollle." I met
Tom the day after that and asked him
right out If he waa engaged. He looked
very mysterious and wouldn't say any
thing. Of course, no one noticed it; but 1
lost five pounds during the next three days.
Then he wrote me this note:
"Dear Mollle I have an announcement to
make to you, whloh, while It need not pre
vent, I hope, a continuance of our friend
ship, will no doubt Interfere somewhat
with my frequent call upon you. I don't
know how to break the new gently, but
the fact 1 that I"
This was the end of the first page, and
I Just had strength enough left to feebly
turn it over and go on reading
"have in my aesthetlo nature a craving
for the contemplation of red brown hair,
and as we have Just engaged a distinctly
reddish-brown haired waitress I shall in
future be able to satisfy thl want without
leaving home. I feel sure that you will
see the reasonableness of this. Tour,
"TOM."
"P. S. I have changed my mind. She
has pale eyelashea, whloh counterfeit the
effect"
Such an absurd thing to have Imagined
he could have really cared for Ethel Col
lins) He came In to see me the next after
nnon, and I must say Jack Wright did scent
"WHY SHOULD TOU BECOME) ABBKNT
MINDED T"
like a dub by comparison. Poor Ethel.
She la such a nice girl, too. Th next
time I met her whan I was with Tom 1
was extra nioe to her.
Should a woman of thl type rrnsns a
hat having th whit brim h can mak
It even more becoming by adding some
thing white in an upstanding position.
A play baaed on Judge Benjamin It.
Llndsey's "Beast and Jungle" wlU be
stagnd in New Tork by Llebler Co. Mis
Harriet Ford ha been In Ienver prepar
ing for Its production. Hh say ooe of
th chief figures In th play will be a com
posite of Senator Ouggenhslm and "Boss"
Evans of Denver.
mi
mw
Brightsido and His
BT LAFAYETTE PARKS.
"I see the papers have commended to
print editorials urging everybody to do
Christmas shopping early," begins Bright
side as wise Willie ranters In for the
getaway In the dally verbal handicap.
"I'll bet the guys that hand out that
come-early-and-avold-the-rush dope can't
get their long green together any sooner
than, the rest of us," announces Hon. with
considerable show of Irritation at the edi
torial suggestion.
"That appeals to me as being an ex
cellent Idea for the women folks," Is
Father's belief.
"Don't worry that the skirts won't get
an early start on the Christmas game,"
admonishes Son. "They begin to lay
their pipes for merry, merry Xmaa right
after the Fourth of July. The first Thing
they make out Is a list of those they are
sure will give them presents. Then they
figure out a scheme to send each of 'em
a piece of Junk that will show a clear
profit of fifty per cent on the trade."
"I don't approve of the system of giving
where something is expected In return,"
protests Father.
"1 hat's what they all say," reminds Son.
"but I notice that the dames use the same
careful methods every year to pick out
the come-ons. If any little Bright Eye
sends out a trading stamp vase to her
dearest chum this year, and she doesn't
get anything In return, 'dearest chum' gets
on the black list for the next year."
"If I had to make gift in that spirit,"
assents Father, "I should prefer not to
make any at all."
"Every married skirt has a string of
relatives who seem to have more children
at Christmas than any other time," saya
Son, "and all of them have to be 'remem
bered,' or there' trouble In the dear old
home."
"This wholesale giving of presents
doesn't seem necessary," oontinues Father.
"Nine out of ten married men will tell
you If a case of give up the imolrons
for the Joyous Tletide or else fight It
out with wife until the glad New Tear
has come and went," declared Son. "Of
ooursa, Pop, as you ay, it isn't neces
sary, but why make the Utile flat sad
and dreary with an argument when a few
bucks for foolish toys will make wife leap
for Joy like a gay gaselleT"
"But It Isn't the mere money that I ob
ject to." argues Father. " Is the principle
of the thing that I stand out for."
"I see you v already had round No. 1
with Mother," dryly observe Son, "as you
hav arrived at the 'principle' stage of the
Tragedy of the
Views of a society organised In Boston
to promote a stats matrimonial bureau
and urg the passage of law legalizing
plural marriage are not in accordance
with the idea of Miss Mary E. Drier,
pres.dent of the Woman's Trade Union
Leage of New Tork. Rather she urges
single blessedness as an antidote for the
greatest of all social evil of the present
day in American Ufa. A second soolety In
the Bay state metropolis, the Woman's
Homestead association, has sent out an
appeal for state and national aid In caring
for It surplus women of mature age
who must depend on employment for sup
port. "Every woman after she I CO year of
age should receive a pension from th
state." aald Miss Drelr after reading the
appeal of th Boston society. "The great
est tragedy of New Tork' Industrial l.fe,"
she continued, "1 the tragedy of the sur
plus woman, th women wbo are able and
willing to work, but who hav passed th
dead line of 60 year.
"It I almost Impossible for the woman
over 50 to obtain a position where either
mental or manual labors except the very
crudest or roughest variety of labor In
sure her even a possible Uvlng wage. She
1 almost as belplea a If ah were in
prison. Indeed, the women confined by
the state have a better chance for decent
food and healthful work."
r
Hot and Happy
J
A Boston! an talis of a clean, wll-t-up
young Irishman, who formerly saw aervloe
In th British navy, but who is now en
gaged in business ax th Hub.
"When are you going to get home rule
in Ireland, Johnf" th Boatonlan one idly
asked.
"Th only way that we'U get home rul
U ould Ireland," aaid th Celt, "will be
'if France, an' Russia, an' Qermany, an'
Austria, an' maybe Italy If they wouiu
all Join together to give those blackguards
of England a ran ould bat In'. That' tha
only way, air, we ll gat home rNile."
Then, as he looked cautiously round, a
twinkle of cunning waa added to hi ex
pression. "An' th whole lot of 'em to
gether oouldn't do It, sir. Oh, it's the
grand navy we've got!"
Two miserable looking hoDO called on
th daan of a medical collage and pro
posed that he purohase their bodies for
the dissecting room, a they were on the
verge of tarvatlon and had not long to
live.
"It is an odd proposition," hesitated the
dean,
"But It is occasionally don," suggested
the spokesman eagerly.
"Wall," aald th dean, "we might ar
range It. What price do you ask?"
"Over In New Tork," replied the spokes
man, "they gav ua $40.''
Prosecuting Attorney Tour honor, the
sheriff bull pup ha gone and chawed up
the court Bible.
Judge Well, make th witness kiss th
bull pup, than. W oan't adjourn court
Just to bunt up a new Blbls."
Hotel Clerk I found that "Not to be used
except In case of fire" placard tho college
boy stole out of th corridor.
Manager Where?
Clerk They'd nailed it up over U ooal
bin. December Upplnoott'a.
AdvtM by Iefereaee.
"He a queer man. Won't argu about
th tariff."
"What hi reason for not arguing?"
"Bays bs doesn't know anything about
IL" Pittsburg Post.
If you are knocked out, don't give up
too easily. Look yourself over; there Is
another fight In you If you will out out
your fool ways. Atchison Globe.
Boy
Trying; Ixmwn tin
(lirlstnuis ChatiRC,"
Their latest Sketch.
j
Try mahe cut a. list of tho
TWrr- APR SVPt WILL 6JVE TMCN
annual battle for men's rights. Tak It
tivio ma, Riivrinur, it urn iiiajsiinia in irimy
no object come across with the kelt and
let the boss of the flat beat It for the bar
gain counters. She'll have her way no
matter what line of dope you hand out,
and by quitting now you sidestep a bundle
of rough stuff and save money."
"I like to give presents on the holidays
myself," heilges Father, "but I prefer to
use some discrimination In the matter."
"There's Isn't a man living who ran do
the Christmas stunt with the fancy curves
that a dame can," Insists Son. "What
she doesn't know about discrimination
can't be found In the dictionary with a
crowbar. If you've got a rich relative
anywhere from Maine to California, leave
It to the wife to pick out a pair of yarn
mitts or something Just as good that will
tickle him silly. And believe me, she can
buy a carload of the Santa Claus brand of
Junk, guaranteed to make a hit with one
and all, for about two dollars and a half
In real money where one of ua wise boys
would put a yellow back to the bad."
"Maybe you are right," hesitatingly ad
mits Father. "I guess I'll give the money
to your .mother and tell her to shop early."
"Just pass her the change, Pop," ad
vises Son, "and you can leave it to her to
have the hat looking like a section of a
department store, the night before Christ
mas quicker than you can decide whether
you want a safety razor or a pair of car
pet slippers."
(Copyright, 1910, by the N. T. Herald Co.)
Surplus Women
J
The Boston Homestead association asks
aid in the purchase of waste lands for sur
plus women. "But I think the Homestead
associaton forgets," said Miss Dreir after
reading the appeal, "that there must be at
least one other essential to cultivate ths
soil successfully, and that Is a man. Most
of these women who would be . given
farms lack male members of the family.
I suppose they could perhaps raise chick
en by themselve, but It seems to m
that pursuit would be a bit hazardous as
a llvel hood, particularly for city women.
And think how lonesome they would get
without a soul to talk to. 'Another sug
gestion from tha Huh la a .1.1.
n 1 1 I , liuuil-
lal bureau and another Is the legalization
of plural marriages."
"Both must have been meant for satire."
demurred Miss Dreler. "For that mat
ter, I doubt if marriage would be any
great benefit In a large number of cases.
"1 think that the single Woman la. gen
erally speaking, happier and better off
than the married on. And I think women
are beginning to realise this, and that Is
why there are fewer marriages. A mar
ried woman, unless her husband can afford
servants or unless she Is not a mother, has
less persons! liberty than almost any one
else in the civilized world. Of course, I be
lieve thoroughly in the idea of marriage,
but I consider the modern practice of It
full of Intolerable wrong. Single blessed
ness I blessed Indeed by comparison. "
r
Gentle Cynic
J
Lucky is th
luck.
man who doesn't believe in
A paradox la merely an improbabl prob
ability. All th world' a stag. If whan th
oomedlan doesn't get a laugh that tie
audience goes out for a smile.
The man wbo boast i that he would die
for his country would prefer to die if old
age.
r
Who?
J
Vvhat beat tne boaaes in New York?
Who used the big stick on the stork V
VVho pinned the Lai uf to his fork?
Please, mother, pass the pickles.
Mllwauaoe Journal.
Who want up in an aeroplane
When he had aald h would retrain?
Who said he liner wuuid run again?
Well, look at Walter Wellman.
Houston Post.
Who with enthusiasm warm
Once tried the spelling to reform
Tneu turned and fled before the term'
Oh, why is bacon su high?
Chicago Tribune.
Who shakes the world and roasts the sun
Who puts the Old Uuard on the run?
Who has all other side-shows skun?
Why not ask Utfford Plnchott?
Cleveland plain Dealer.
Who was it wrote to "Dear Maria "
And when the fat was In the fire
Who tried to squeal and hollered "Liar'".
Now wasn't that a franzle?
Boston Transoript.
Who Journeyed up and down the line '
Exclaiming. "All these man are mine'
Vote for them all will then be fine"
Have you read th election returns?
New bury port News.
Who now I silent a th Styx? '
Who handed out those grievous 1,'cks
To Baldwin. Harmon, toss and Dlx
please, where la Oyster Hay?
Spnngfisld Republican.
Who was It called a Judge a crook
And damned another from hi book
Who wa It then that got the hook
Say,' have you dono your Chrlatmaa shoo,
plug? Charleston New and Courier.
Who I It that will sure come back'
And Oive to many a head a whack
Who In a fight haa a nifty knack
Oh, boy a. Just watch hi smack.
JRitL