TITE BEE: OMAHA.- THURSDAY. 7"i:(T,MBi:R 1. 1010.
0 Jhe jee
Li, .gjL-jjjjjusuani-- --
Ml
r
In the Social World.
Wedding Bells
The wedding of Miss Elisabeth McCon
ell, daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Frederick
A. McConnell. and Mr. Robert Ixwell
rrker was celebrated lut evening at :
clock at the home of the brlde'a parents
on Park avenue.
The marriage llnea were read In the living
room by Rev. Frederick T. Rouse. A
pretty decoration of white rosea, painia and
smllax waa used In this room. Preceding
the ceremony Mr. Claus Schaub played
Blgmund's "Love Bonn." from "'Die Walk
tire," on the violin, Miss Henrietta. Ree
playlnit the ple.no accompaniment. The
"Bridal Chorus," from Lohengrin, was
played aa tha wedding march, and during
th ceremony "Du Bist Pie Ruh," by
Schubert, waa played.
Tha rlbbona were atretohed by the bride
brother, Messrs. . Lyman and Frederick
MoConnell. and Mr. James Lawry of St.
Louis served as best man.
Little Misses Harriet Rue Templeton of
St. Louis and Dorothy Sherman were the
flower girl. They wore whlta lingerie
frocks and carried basket of rose leave
and scattered the petal In front of the
bride and groom.
Mis Qretchen MoConnell, sister of the
bride, was maid of honor and wore a
dainty gown of pale blue chiffon draped
over aelf tone messaline. The gown was
trimmed with crystal and she carried an
arm bouquet of American Beauty roses.
The bride walked with her father and
wore a beautiful wedding gown of white
crepe cashmere draped over white satin.
An over drape of Carrlckmacross lace was
caught on the bodice with pearl embroidery.
Her long tulle veil wai held In plaoe with
orange blotisoint from California and ah
carried a shower bouquet of lilies of the
valley and violet, n
A reception for the wedding guests fol
lowed the ceremony. Yellow chrysanthe
mums brightened the dining room and
American Beauty roses were In the draw
ing room and library. Punoh was aerved
In the latter room, Mis Martha Bliss pre
siding at the punch bowl. Assisting through
the room were Mesdames J. H. Dumont,
I. W. Carpenter, F. E. White, T. M. Orr.
Charles Bherman, Elisabeth Parke, Qeorg
Btebblna, Oeorga W. Sumner, Arthur D.
Smith, Frank Wllklns, Misses Bertha
White, OH va Carpenter, Gertrude White
and Kntherlne Moorhead.
Mr. and Mrs. Parker left for a wedding
trip to Chicago and St. Louis and will be
at home after January 1 at 3417 Emerson
avenue. South Minneapolis.
The out-of-town guest were Mr. and
Mr. J. T. Templeton and little daughter.
Miss Harriet Sua Templeton; Mr. James
Law rye and Mia Manoa Taylor, all of St.
Louis, and Mr. and Mrs. H. W. MoConnall
of Blue Canon, CaU .
For the Future
Captain and Mrs. W. T. Wilder will glva
a dinner Friday evening at tha Hotel Loyal.
German Longs for
the Fatherland
MaaaM
Foreigner Walks Into Police Station
and Aiki That He Be
- Deported.
"I want to b deposed," waa tha re
quest mad last night at tha police station
to Desk Sergeant Marshall by a sad-eyed
Individual standing on the other aid of
the wicker. ' ,
i "What?" queried tha astonished sergeant.
"I want to be deposed," distinctly an
swered tha man.
"Oh, yes, we'll dispose of you for the
night." said Sergeant Marshall, seised by
an Inspiration,' "'I gueas there are a few
bed In there."
. "Not Not" ejaculated the man In a very
grieved tone of voloe. "You don't under
stand. I want to be deposed to Germany,
I'm not a naturalised cltisen, and you've
got to send ms back to Germany."
"Oh, I see," said the good-natured polio
scribe, willing to keep a good thing going,
and pretending to count out some money.
'.'About MX) will do It, I guess, but first
tell ma why you want to go back."
. "Don't like tha country." wa tha reply.
"How long have jou bean her?"
"Twenty-two years."
, Just than, tha storm broke, for tha ser
geant 1 an ardent American. For flv
minute tha sad-eyed strangwr listened to
a lecture upon patriotism, the Ilk of which
he had never heard before, and then
walked away with a disappointed air and
disconsolate stride.
. (From a Staff Correspondent)
WASHINGTON. P. C. Nov. 29 (Special
Telegram. V-Army Orders Following are
assignments to regiments of officers re-
oently promoted:
First Lieutenant John J. Burleigh, Twen-tv-oaruimt
inlaiitrv. to Tenth infantry.
Flrl Lieutenant M. M. Oarrett, Tenth
Infantry, to Twenty-ninth intaniry.
First Lieutenant Auguntlne A. Hoffman,
Fourth infantry, to Xaeuty-seventn In
fantry. iliBt Lieutenant Henry 8. Brlnkerhoff,
Jr., i.lghtU lnUutry, to Twenty-seventh In
fantry. . Flrat Lieutenant Jamea Blythe. Twenty
fjlih Infantry, to Thirtieth Infantry.
First IJeut.-nant Frank C. MoCune, Six
teenth Infantry, to rleveiitu Infantry.
Flritt Lieutenant Etlwln Ounner, Twenty
tourth infantry, to Seventeenth Infantry.
First Lieutenant Keoulv P. palmer,
Sixth Infantry, to Twenty-fourth infantry.
First Lieutenant Kdar.l K. Mot'amp,
TveHty-SHcuud Infantry, lu Third Infantry.
The following naMstnis are ordered:
Captain Wwighl 1. Aultmau from Fifth
mi.i artillery to becoud field artillery,
Captain Harrte F. Heed frO(U the becond
to the Fifth field artillery.
ucond Lieutenant t'liar'.es H. Illch,
Twenty-sixth tnianirv, will proceed to Fort
JJanks Mas., for physkal examination.
Asnlgnineiils to reKiineuta of officers re
cently pionioled ordered;
Colonel Charle W. Foster. Second field
artillery, assigned to Klxth field artillery.
Lieutenant Colonel tieorge W. Van Due
Sen. bM'untl field artillery, to Second field
art iller v.
itajor William S. McN'alr, Sixth field
an,Uerv. to Second field artillery.
('amain William S. liionlng, Third field
artiiery, to Sixth field artillery.
Tranefera oi acred.
Ftrot IJeutenaui Parker Hltt from the
Twenty-am-oitd t the Tenth Infantry.
Ftiet laeutenaut John J. Hurleiifli from
the Tenth to the Twenty-second infantry.
Firxt Lieutenant Davtd C feagrave, field
. sitU'ury, unaesiKiied, la aaalgued to the
1 hud field artillery.
Iav of abeiue to and Including D-ct-iiiner
K Is granted Captain Lunar W.
Miller, medical corpa
Hural carriers appointed:
.ri,iaKa Hrainard. route I. P. K. Hick
Stent, carrier: no aubatltuta Clarksou,
Kile t, leo .elenOa, carrier; no substitute
Ilelvey, rout L iuha W, l'leti her, carrier;
u substituted
Washington Affairs
Mr. and Mrs. Gerr-lt Fort will entertain
at dinner Saturday evening at their home.
Mrs. Cyrus Bowman has Issued Invita
tions for a bridge party for Tuesday after
noon, Dooember 8.
Pleasures Past
Complimentary to Mra. Liscomb of New
York, guest of Mrs. George Palmer, Mra
Ward M. Burgess entertained at a beauti
fully appointed bridge luncheon today at
her home. Covers were placed for:
Misses
Cenivleve Baldwin, Ella Mae Brown.
Mesdames
Liscomb. Samuel Burns. Jr.;
George Palmer, I Forest Rirhards.
Charles Kountie. Fred A. NhsIi,
Harry Wllklns, Floyd Smith.
John L. Kennedy. Ward M. Burgess.
Mr. and Mrs. J. W. Plnkerton entertained
at cards Monday evening for the members
of the Happy Hours Whist oluh. Those
present were:
Mr. an 1 Mrs. Jones.
Mr. and Mrs. Jes en.
Mr. and Mrs. F. B. Flnnell.
Mr. and Mrs. Oakes.
Mr. and Mrs. William Eden.
The members of the Jolly Twelve Whist
club were entertained Monday evening at
the home of Mr. and Mra. E. C. Lloyd.
Those present were:
Mr. and Mrs. I). E. Lovejoy.
Mr. and Mrs. E. L. Lawler.
Mr. and Mrs. Wlllism Drake.
Mr. and Mrs. Henry Aahel.
Mr. and Mrs. J. J. Mullen.
Mr. and Mrs. E. C. Lloyd.
Mlts Brownie Bess Raum was hostess
Tuesday at the masting of the Bridge
Luncheon club. Miss Jean Barkalow of
Denver, Mlsa Agnes Burkley and Mis Claire
Helens Woodard were ' the guest of the
club. Those present were:
Misses Mlssea
Eugene Whltmore, Jean Barkalow
France Nash, of Denver,
Carolyn Barkalow, t Claire Woodard.
Agnes Burkley, .
Mra. Denlae Barkalow.
The Crescent Whist club was entertained
Tuesday by Mr. A. A, Crandall. Those
present were Mesdamea Aj W. Fogg, W.
B. Tagg, F. Read, L. A. Derrnody, J.
Wynesa, W. D. Routt, I, B. Holly, Cllna,
F. D. Franklyn. Thomas Kelly, A. Han
oock, C. H. Malllson and A. A. Crandall.
Personal Gossip
Mlsa Carolyn Barkalow ' ha returned
from a short visit In St. Paul, Minn.
M ss Alice Cary McGrew, who has been
visiting in Lincoln, Is expected home Thurs
day. Mr. and Mr. Fred W. Thomas have
moved Into their new horn at 607 South
Thirty-eighth avenue.
Mra Robert Lee Hamilton and little
daughter Lea of Lincoln, who are the
guest of Mr. and Mra Will Her, return to
Lincoln Thursday.
. Mr. C. B. Miller of Manning, la., and
her alater, Ml Cora Louden of Chloago,
who have been Waiting Misses Agnea and
Gertrude Lynch, returned horn last even
ing. San Francisco .Gets
BienniaLof Women
Directory Board of General Federation
at Colfax, la,, Decides to Take
Convention to Coast.
COLFAX, la., Nov. 90. After a spirited
contest among the members of the direc
tory board of the General Federation of
Women' clubs, which ha been In session
here for two days, San Francisco wa
chosen as the next meeting place of the
biennial session. It will be held In June,
1913. I
Niagara Falls, Salt Lake City, Montreal
and Atlantic City were- eager bidder for
the convention. Memphis, Tenn., secured
the meeting of the council of the federa
tion. Thl meeting will b held next year
In May, and la made tip of the president
of the state federations, president of wom
en's club and standing committee of the
federation. The session of tha board will
close Friday. '
MAN BEHEADED BY A TRAIN
Eya-Wltaesa Aaaerta Artaar Com
mitted Salclde Friends Say- !
Was Aecldeat.
NOW TORK. Nov! .. Daniel Arthuri
vice president and treasurer of a New
Tork Machine company, was beheaded by
a passenger train at the Paclflo avanu
station of tha Central Railroad of New
Jersey, Jersey City, this evening.
In a statement to the police, John Sauer,
an eye-witness, declared he had seen Ar
thur deliberately lay himself across the
rallH as a westbound express approached.
Friends of Arthur say his death waa ac
cidental. Culled from the Wire.
Two counties of Virginia voted Issues of
bonds aKfregatlng tl.ouu.tiOO for highway
Improvement.
Thomas C. Dawson, Amerlran minister
to Panama, haa been granted a leave of
absence and will sail from the Isthmus on
i nursuay.
The Sun Francisco Sun. a new one-cent
democratic daily, the first number of
which appeared on September 8, sus
pended publication.
The trial of Hattle La Blanc, charged
with the murder of Clarence F. Olovar In
his laundry at Waltham, Mi.il, wa be
gun Tuesday at Fast Cambridge.
The United State Steel corporation will
soon announce a pension plan for euuiloyea
between t and 70 years of age, which
will become effective January L
A memorial painting of the lata Julia
ard Howe will be added to the portrait
collection In Fanueil hail, according to
piana just perfected at a public meeting.
Kvery street car In Cleveland, O., stood
still for five minutes Tueadav while te
funeral services were being held for Robert
Si Taylor, late dated States clrvuit court
judge.
H. H. Worthen of New Tork haa been ap
pointed general auperlnterxleitt of the
Southern division of the Western Union
Telegraph company to sucoeed the lat B.
F. Dillon.
The ship Terra Nova, bearing the British
south polar expedition under the command
of i-upiairt Hubert F. K-ott, has sailed
from Port Chalmers, New Zealand, for
Ull A1HU LAV.
The death penalty fixed by Pike
county, Missouri, jury on Mort Holman.
a negro, fur an attack on Cora Flowers,
was vol' finned by the supreme court Tues
day. Tike date of the execution will be
fixed by the supreme court later.
The first leg of a 4.IW0-mlle journey by
automobile from New York te San Fran
cisco by the southern route waa completed
today when re presents Uvea of trie Ameri
can Autoinoblie aesoclaUon reached At
lanta, Ua, from New Turk.
John C. Jefferda, Jr.. son of a well
known Worcester. Maaa, nteruhant, u
arrested on a charge of manslaughter.
Jeffenle waa arretted following In deatn
of Mlsa Luima St. Martyn at Leicester,
whom he ran down wlta Lis autwaxotia
WELL ILL VAIT A .LITTLE VlilLE.
f JOMM.PF, YOtLL ST r,rr) YU CtfAM "TX
NV4 TO CL6AN THF K jOj I $TTF4 AX ONCE MAR, 1
I SLF6T ANP SNOW FROM ) 1 feyj AFRAID VOO'lU
WftU lU WAIT A HI lJi T T7 I W LI I'LL WAIT j
L(TTLC WHII.C, B . , ., I LITTLE WHILf.l
Its froze soup n ll D ' L perhaps the son j
I ' I
Hlf", fTfl T ( HEOO,MR.JOHN6TON,
JiLSI ies Cotf TO WORK, H6$LPmx)
Y-?- i , i PrTOrCB HIS ARn ANOSPRAIHED
Aa rg r-TN V- HIS ANKL6, -twe POCTOR
N? Afil NqiP WILL HWE TO f'
" '
UT I III I a II II I T 1 Lm W m
TTJBSDAT Tom does the moat aggra
vating things. When he ha come to see
me, just before ha goes home, he gets very
silent. Of course, I have to try to make
conversation or do something, as you can't
let a person go away In dead sllenoa. As
he refuses to help me out, naturally, I am
apt to be a little vagua. Sometimes he
drops In on hfa way uptown from business
lata In the afternoon. Me happened to drop
In five ttmea last week and each day vas
lea talkative just before leaving. Tester-
day ha sent this note and I think It was
rather mean of him:
"Dear Dolllo Certain things we must
oonalder aa granted. If a man has called
on you for a number tf year at frequent
Intervals, wa can believe that his company
la acceptable and that you would not ob
ject to seeing him again, In whloh case
It would be wise to 1st him keep a pleas
ant Impression. This would b made up of
a aeries of impressions, of which the r&st
would be tha moat Important. Therefore
the parting should be handled with care.
Why, than, should yoa at tha critical time
become atsjant minded, or read cards, or
torture your hair, or make absolutely lr-
ravelant and disrespectful remarks? Why 7
I can explain It only two ways either it la
soma dlabolllcally contrived plan, or it la
tha result of mental collapse after a long
mental strain when the relief I In sight.
If It 1 a plan, what 1 Its object T And if
neither of my explanations Is right, what Is
yours? I give notloa that I ahall expect
an answer and that I shall shortly call for
It." "TOM."
Now what could any girl reply to a note
TOO OUGHT TO HAVE SEEN THE
WAT TOM WAS ACTINQ WITH
ETHEL COLLINS."
Mk that? It's perfectly rtdloukusa. Ha
r
Items of
Polo cloth I a boon to th ' amateur
tailor. For tha smartest looking coats can
be fashioned from this fabric at home
with little trouble, because th cloth Is
double-faced, and so no lining Is needed.
Lining a coat demands skill, and aa the
approved model 1 fairly looae an Inter
lining for any but an expert would be dif
ficult, even with an exoellent pattern.
In polo oloth a variety of comblnatlona
may be found, auch aa tan, black, blue,
brown and gray on one alda and striking
plaid affeota an th other. The plain 1
iff J
BOLL
o
CSPlftMirf, W10. IY M KM VIMS
doe the most Irritating things himself,
and than accuse me of being peculiar.
Last spring When I had suoh a friendship
with Jack Wright, and was unable to see
Tom on two or , three occasions when he
called me up, ho was so weak minded and
so dependent on feminine society, evidently,
isx
"I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO
MAKE TO TOU."
that I met him with that Oolllna girt one
or twice whea I happened to be with Jack.
Mollis Turrier came around and told me
that he era simply crasy about her. She
said his devotion to her waa becoming
pathetic. I said 1 did hope she waa being
awfully nice tr . 'm, poor fellow, but 1
don't think Mol - , as a bit taken la, and
I began to feel rather worried.
That Ethel Col Una la really awfully good
looking, though I think stia wears awful
clothes) . but, of course, men never know
whether a girl's skirt has the rlrht out.
I called Tom up the day after Mollis told
me how crazy he waa about Ethel and
asked him to come In at half-past five for
tea, and he had actually said he had an
other engagement. I waa furious, because
he was so flippant about It, and I thought
I would go around to see Mollis and ask
her how her cold waa Poor Mollis had
been to a dinner a night or two before
where Tom and Ethel Colllna had been, too,
and had aat In a draught, so she 'phoned
me, and caught an awful cold. I thought
It was only docent to go around and Inquire
how aha was. When I gut there I sold:
l rf v f ill l
Interest for the Women Folk
uaed for the coat and the plaid for trim
ming. '
Black and whlta in combination Is popu
lar In millinery and la becoming to U,e
average woman.
One rule to bo strictly remembered when
buying a bat is that If th wearer la short
or atout tha crown should always be whlta
and tha brim black. But tf tha wearer la
tall tha wown ahould be black and tha
brim white. For by thla ooiiibtnatlon the
height will apparently stop at th Una of
tha bitm.
BY
CD6RlNtt33
"How is your cold?" She said: "It all
right, my dear; you ought to have een the
way Tom was acting with Ethel Collins at
the Meekman's dinner. They must be en
gaged!" I said: "This la an awful good
picture of your mother, Mollle." I met
Tom the day after that and asked him
right out If he was engaged. H looked
very mysterious and wouldn't say any
thing. Of course, no one noticed It; but 1
lost five pounds during the next three day.
Then he wrote me this note:
"Dear Mollle I have an announcement to
make to you, whloh, while It need not pre
vent, I hope, a oontlnuanoa of our friend
ship, will no doubt Interfere somewhat
with my frequent call upon you. I don't
know how to break the newa gently, but
the fact la that I"
Thla was the end of the first page, and
I Just had strength enough left to feebly
turn it over and go on reading
"have In my aesthetlo nature a craving
for tha contemplation of red brown hair,
and aa we have just engaged a dtminotly
reddish-brown haired waitress I shall in
future b able to satisfy thl want without
leaving home. I feel sura that 'you will
see the reasonableness of thla Tour,
"TOM."
"P. B.I have changed my mind. She
ha pale eyelashes whloh counterfeit the
effect"
Such an abaurd thing to have imagined
h could have really cared for Ethel Col
lins! H came In to aae ma tha next after
nnon, and I must say Jack Wright did seem
"WlIT SHOUIJ) TOU BECOME) ABSENT
MINDED?"
like a dub by comparison. Poor Ethel.
She la auch a nice girl, too. Tha next
time I met her whan I waa with Tom 1
waa extra nloe to her. .
Should a woman of thl typa posasss a
hat having the whlta brim aha can make
It even more becoming by adding some
thing whlta In an upstanding position.
A play baaed on Judge Benjamin B.
Lindsey's "Boast and Jungle'' will be
staged In New Tork by Llebler A Co. Miss
Harriet Ford haa been In Ienvr prepar
ing for Ita production. She aaya ooe of
th chief figures In tha play will be a com
posite of Senator Ougge.nhstm and "Does"
It vans of Denver.
mjtmmmsmxauitmAt m mm
ifll
y 8f
Brightsido and His Boy
BT LAFATKTTE PARK8.
"I see the papers have commended to
print editorials urging everybody to do
Christmas shopping early." begins Bright
side aa wise Willie canters In for the
getaway In the dally verbal handicap.
"I'll bet the guys that hand out that
come-early-and-avold-the-rush dope can't
get their long green together any sooner
than the reat of us," announces Son, with
considerable show of Irritation at the edi
torial suggestion.
"That appeals to me as being an ex
cellent idea for the women folks," Is
Father's belief.
"Don't worry that the skirts won't get
an early start on tha Christmas game,"
admonishes Son. "They begin to lay
their pipes for merry, merry Xmaa right
after the Fourth of July. The flrat Thing
they make out Is a list of those they are
sure will give them presents. Then they
figure out a scheme to send each of 'em
a piece of Junk that will show a cleat
profit of fifty per oent on the trade."
"I don't approve of the system of glvlnaj
where something Is expected In return,"
protests Father.
"That' what they all say," reminds Son,
"but I notice that the dame use the same
careful methods every year to pick out
the come-ons. If any little Bright Eye
ends out a trading stamp vae to her
dearest chum this year, and she doesn't
get anything In return, 'dearest chum' gets
on the black list for the next year."
'If I had to make gifts In that spirit,"
assents Father, "I should prefer not to
make any at all,"
"Kvery married aklrt ha a string of
relatives who seem to have more children
at Christmas than any other time," says
Son, "and all of them have to be 'remem
bered,' or there's trouble In the dear old
home."
"This wholesale giving of presents
doesn't seem necessary," continues Father
"Nine out of ten married man will tell
you It'a a case of give up the simoloons
for the joyous Tletlde or else fight it
out with wife until the glad New Tear
has come and went," declared Son. "Of
course, Pop. as you say, It isn't neces
sary, but why make the little flat sad
and dreary with an argument when a few
bucks for foolish toys will make wife leap
for joy like a gay gaaelleT"
"But it lan't tha mare money that I ob
ject to," argue Father. "It la the prlnoipie
of tha thing that I stand out for."
"I aea you v already had round No. 1
with Mother," dryly observes Son, "a you
have arrived at the 'principle' stage of the
Tragedy of the
Views of a society organised In Boston
to promote a state matrimonial bureau
and urge the passage of lawa legalizing
plural marriages are not In accordance
with tha Ideaa of Mlsa Mary E. Drier,
president of the Woman' Trad Union
Leag of New -.Tork. Rather she urges
single blessedness as an antidote for the
greatest of all social evil of the present
day In American Ufa A second aoolety In
the Bay state mat ro polls, the Woman's
Homestead association, ha sent out an
appeal for state and national aid In caring
for It surplus women of mature age
who must depend on employment for sup
port. "Every woman after she I CO years of
age should receive a pension from the
atate," aald Miss Drelr after reading the
appeal of the Boaton society. "Tha great
eat tragedy of New Tork's Industrial l.fe,"
she continued, "Is the tragedy of the sur
plus woman, the women who are abl and
willing to work, but who have pasaed the
dead line of CO years.
"It la almost Imposalble for the woman
over SO to obtain a position where either
mental or manual labor except the very
crudest or roughest variety of labor -In-sure
her even a possible living wage. She
I almost aa helpless as if she war In
prison. Indeed, tha women confined by
the atate have a better chanoe for decent
food and healthful work."
r
Hot and Happy
J
A Bos ton! an tall of a clean, wall-aet-up
young Irlahman, who formerly aaw service
In th British navy, but who Is now an
gaged In business at tha Hub,
"When are you going to get home rule
In Ireland, John?" tha Boston! an one Idly
asked.
"Th only way that we'll get home rul
V ould Ireland." aaid tha Celt, "will be
if France, an' Russia, an' Germany, an'
Austria, an' maybe Italy If they wouio
all Join together to give thoae blackguards
of England a rare ould batln. That's tha
only way, air, we ll get home rule."
Then, a he looked cautiously round, a
twinkle of cunning waa added to hi ex
pression. "An' tha whole lot of 'em to
gether oeuldn't do It, sir. Oh, it's the
grand navy we've (011"
Two miserable looking boDoea called on
th dean of a medical college and pro
posed that ha purchase their bodies for
the dissecting room, as they were on the
verge of starvation and had not long to
live.
"It la an odd proposition," hesitated th
dean.
"But It la occasionally dona," suggested
th spokesman eagerly.
"Wall," aald tha dean, "wa might ar
range It What price do you aak?"
"Over In New Tork." replied the pokes
man, "they gav u JaX''
Prosecuting Attorney Tour honor, tha
sheriffs bull pup ba gone and chawed up
th court Bible.
Judge-Well, mke tha witness kiss th
bull pun, then. W oan't adjourn court
Just to bunt up a new Bible."
Hotel Clark I found that "Not to be uaed
except In oaaa of fire" placard thosa college
boys atol out of tha corridor.
Manager Where?
Clerk-Tbey'd nailed It up ovar th ooal
bin. Daoamber Lipplnoott's.
A 4 vie lr Inferos.
"Has a queer man. Won't argue about
th tariff
"What's hi reason for not arguing?"
"Saya ba doesn't knew anything about
It" Pittsburg Post
If you are knocked out, don't glv up
too easily. Look yourself over; thar la
another right In you If you will out out
your fool way. Atchiaou Oloba.
I(MM tho
('haiRr,"
j
Tlioir latest Skel l.
TMV WitE CAT A LIST Or TM
THtrv ai?b Sure will iiVE thcm
annual battle for men's rluhta. Taka It
from me, governor, If the maxtima la really
no object come across with the kelt and
let the boss of the flat beat It for the bar
gain counters. She'll have her way no
matter what line of dope you hand out.
and by quitting now you sidestep a bundle
of rough stuff and rave money."
"I Ilk to give preaents on the holidays
myself," hedges Father, "but I prefer to
use some discrimination In the matter."
"There's Isn't a man living who can do
the Chrlstniaa stunt with the fancy curves
that a dame can," tnxiats Son. "What
she doesn't know about discrimination
can't be found In the dictionary with a
crowbar. If you've got a rich relative
anywhere from Maine to California, leave
It to the wife to pick out a pair of yai-n
mitts or something just aa good that will
tickle him' silly. And believe me, she can
buy a carload of the Santa Cluus brand of
junk, guaranteed to make a hit with one
and all, for about two dollars and a half
In real money where one of ua wise boya
wouid put a yellow hack to the bad."
"Maybe you are rlRht," hesitatingly ad
mits Father. "I guess I'll give the money
to your mother and lull her to shop early."
"Just pans her the change, Pop," ad
vises Son, "and you can leave It to her to
have the hat looking like a section of a
department store. the night before Christ
mas quicker than you can decide whether
you want a safety razor or a pair of car
pet allppers."
(Copyright, 1910, by the N. T. Herald Co.)
Surplus Women
J
The Boaton Homestead association auks
aid in the purchase of waste lands for sur
plus women. "But I think the Homestead
assoclaton forgets," said Miss Dreir after
reading the appeal, "that there must be at
least one other essential to cultivate th
soli successfully, and that is a man. Most
of these women who would be . given
farms lack male member of the family,
I suppose they could perhaps raise chick
ens by themselves, but it seems to me
that pursuit would be a bit hazardous a
a llvel hood, particularly for city women.
And think how lonesome they would get
Without . ,!, t
.. . . OTUUa v wi iu. Anuuier sug
gestion from the Hub Is a state matrimon
ial bureau and another 1 the legalisation
of plural marriage."
"Both must have been meant for satire."
demurred Miss Dreier. "For that mat
ter, I doubt If marriage would be any
great benefit In a large number of caaea.
"I think that the single woman Is. gen
erally speaking, happier and batter off
than the married one.' And I think women
are beginning to realise thia. and that la
why there are fewer marriages. A mar
ried woman, unless her husband can afford
servants or unless sh la not a mother, haa
leaa peraonal liberty than almost any one
elae in the civilised world. Of course, I be
lieve thoroughly In the Idea of marriage,
but I consider the modern practice of It
full of Intolerable wrong. Single blessed
ness I blessed indeed by comparison."
r
Gentle Cynic
J
v.
Lucky la th man who doesn't believe In
luck.
A paradox la merely an improbable prob
ability. All th world' a stage. It's when th
comedian doesn't get a laugh that the
audience goea out for a smile.
Th man who boasts that he would die
for his country would prefer to die bf old
age.
r
Who?
J
What beat tne bosses in New York?
Who used tha big stick on the stork'.'
VVho pinned the laru! to ills fork?
Please, mother, pass the pickles.
Milwaukee Journal.
Who want up in an aeroulan
When he had said he would refrain?
Who aald ha ne'er would run aaain?
Wall, look at Waiter Waliinan.
Houston Post.
Who with enthusiasm warm
Oica tried the spelling to reform
Then turned and fled before the term'
Oh, why la bacon ao high?
Chicago Tribune.
Who shakes the world and roasts th Un
Who put the Old Guard on the run Y
Who has all other side-shows skuu?
Why not ask Gifford Plnchott?
Cleveland plain Dealer.
Who waa It wrote to "Dear Maria,"
And when tha fat was In the fire
Who tried to squeal and hollared "Liar'"',
Now wasn't that a frazzle?
Loston Transcript.
Who journeyed up and down tha line '
Exclaiming. "All these men are mine'
Vote for them all will then be fine"
Have you read th election returns 1
New bury port News.
Who now is silent aa the Styx? '
Who handed out thoae grievous I.'cks
To Baldwin, Harmon, Fosa and Dlx
please, where la Oyster Bay?
Springfield Republlt-an.
Who waa It called a Judge a crook '
And damned another from his book?
Who waa It then tliat gut the hook?
Say," have you done your Christmas shop
ping ? Charleston News and Courier.
Who Is It that will sura coma back'
And Olva to many a head a whark
Who In a fight haa a nifty knack?
Oft, boys just witch his siuauk.
TrTlnu
C'hrlslniH
e . HT J "
ll ll?! -'
