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THH liKM: OMAHA. MONDAY. NOVEMHFJt iM. l!10.
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'Unveiling Fort Washington Monument
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I What promises io be an event of more
ihan ordinary Interest to the residents of
Vashington Heights, New York, has been
plant) ivl to take plane next Wednesday af
ternoon, 'lil'beti monumeiff-whlch has been
erected In,' fort WningtQ;i Park will be
formally presented to the city by the
laughtci ot. the American revolution In
coranit-noratiun of the 134th anniversary of
the capture of.Kort Washington and Ha
out posts by the British and Hessian
troops, acting- In conjunction with the Brlt
li"h frigates Phoenix, Rose and Tartar. The
hips had succeeded In running by the
Tuns of the redoubt that had been con
structed by the Continental troops on the
plateu overlooking- Jeffreys Hook, now
known as Fort Washington Park.
An elaborate urogram of , exercises pre
llinlimry to. 4ha upvelllAg uf the monu
ment has len planned for the day. At
1 o'clock there will be a short Te Deum
Janrvictt In ' the chapel of the Intersection
' 15Hth streot and Broadway, at which
jf the Rev, Dr..- W, T. Manning; f Trinity
f oliuri'h will officiate.
V At the oe of the religious services, a
military aiul chic parade will start from
liiflttl street nd Riverside Drive, under
the commaml.' of Citlef Marshal T. Hugh
gJoorman.
Delegations from the order of Founders
fend Bona of the American revolution and
Societies composed of veterans of the civil
and- Spanish wars will participate In the
parade, accompanied by detachment of
Vnited States troopes from Fort Haneock.
It fal expected that a feature ef-.the ctvlq
aide will be the uiarclilng of the corps
trom the New York Institution for the
Rubber Jutsice as
On account of the fact that the Municl
t'Rl Plans commission has not yet made Its
report. King county will be obliged to re
I tune the magnanimous offnr of Henry
1'cters Swafford of Pelhau' Manor, N. Y.,
L Insists this county ehuH accept a mer
Cerlf d India rubber statue of Junttce to
leplace the present dilapidated, figure on
the ' court house roof and to be known as
the Agnes Jane ?wafford memorial, says
the '-Seattle Post-lntelllgenoer.
Mr. Swafford writes that one of the last
things that Ms wife attended to before tUn
died was to request her husband to stnd
Klnjf county the rubber Justice. He re
oltcs that he has been Ions; Interested In
the Pacltto roast country and has read
Diuch of Interest In the kewnpapers, both
pf (he coast and Seattle In particular, and
Other data, though he has never been far
ther west than Passaic.
"tVe have lor some years," writes Mr.
Stafford, "held a large block of mining
toik In the family, bought by Mrs. 8waf
fortt when she waa a girl and treasured
aKuXnst . the , day 1 when sudden affluence
should come to us. I still hold the stock,
and It has marked some of the most pleas
r
Much Wanted Recipes
J
l uiiipkiu Pl VYaali yuur pumpkin, cut
lin Inch pieces without peeling, scrape out
kU the woolly fibre; put Into a large kettle,
d.Jlng Juft a little nater to keep it from
nicking at the bottoin. Cover closely and
team gxnijy for ia- or olalit hours. If
P'ei'erreil it can be cooked In the oven in
stead of on the ttlpve. or If you have a tire
Irss cooker have all night In that and
tlmte will be no posxlUle danger of Its
Lurching. I'Mng just this tiny bit of water,
ti.e pumpkin pulp will lie thoroughly cooked
In lis own juioe. When perfectly tender,
teWo up, coo) a lull..1, then pull off lUe'lar
I r pines of skin vt Ith a f hat p knife.
I've. tlirouah a sieve and let stand over
tict't In a press a u ordinary earthcrn plate
.'Jones fa fcatinf month lo
tien bet."
Der me ; tbat hurd !"
"Oh, not so vesry. lUutaJtot
MMNltier-
mr fifth
Leaf and Dumb, and a similar corps from
the Hebrew Orphan asylum, both of whlcb
will be headed by a band, the members
of which are inmates of these Institutions.
The exercises at the monument will be
In charge and undor the direction of a
committee of the Fort Washington Chapter,
Daughters of the American revolution.
Mrs. Kmlly L. B. Fay Is the regent
Following a brief address by the chair
man of the day, Mr. James Plerpont Dav
enport, there will be an invocation by the
Rev. J. It. Mackay, paator of the North
Presbyterian church and chaplain of the
chapter, after which the monument will
be unveiled by thirteen children dressed in
costumes of the Continental period.
The militia will then fire a salute, after
which the regent of Oie chapter will pre'
sent the monument to the city. Park Com'
mlssloner Charles I). Btower will deliver
an address accepting; the monument In
behalf of the city.
A reception will be tendered by the Fort
Washington Chapter of the Daughters of
the American Hevolutlon at the Arrow
head Inn; addresses will be delivered by
Qeneral James Grant Wilson, Dr. E. Haga
man Hall of the American Scenlo and
Historic Prei-.TVution society, and Mrs.
Florence Btegtnan, historian of the chapter.
The monument, which was built by Mr.
D. F. Mahoney, under the supervision of
the designer, Mr. R R. Bolton, consists
of a. group of local weather worn boulders,
surmounted by a large boulder of the
glacial period, and marks the site of the
redoubt that commanded the approach by
water to Fort Washington j previous to its
capture by the British forces in Novem
ber 16, 177.
Memorial to Wife
urable moments of my life. When dark
clouds lowered on our domestic fortunes
we always had the mining stock to bring
out of the treasure chest and gloat over.
For twenty years this family has been rich
In mind, and I would not be deprived of
those days In retrospect for very near the
par value of the treasure. I think it must
have been with the memory of these happy
days in mind that my wife so earnestly
desired me to make this memorial to one
of the north coast cities, preferably Seat
tle." The generous donor suggests that he will
have the scales of blind Justice made of
bronse, if that be deemed preferable, but
states that his own idea of the matter la
that the scales should be of mercerized rub
ber, which Is nearly as lasting, more clastlo
and more suitable to the dealing out of
Justice In the high winds on the court
house roof.
Mr. K waff oid adds la his letter the ex
pression of the hope that his offer will be
received In the same spirit as offered. In
memory of the many happy momenta real
ised by the Bwafford family In anticipation
of a sudden affluence that Is on Its mys
terious road.
with a weight on it will answer) until the
superfluous liquid Is removed. When ready
to bake, measure the pulp and to every
five cups allow one teaspoouful salt, half a
Krated nutmeg, a tableepoonfu) mace, two
toapoonfuls ainaer and m. lirra nmfni
sugar. Beat four eggs and stir Into the
pumpkin pulp, together with four cupfuls
sweet milk and a half cuuful rr.im w..i
well and taste to see If sweet enough, as
mere is a Ullleience n the sweetness of
pumpkins.
Turn into plates lined with a good pastry
and bake three-uuarters nf an hnnr uhi -
golden brown and firm in the center. Our
araiiumoiners orien baked their Thanks
giving pits in rtmare blxcuit tin ana al
ways with a scalloped rim. Some okl-fash-
loin-a cooks like their pumpwin pies flavored
with a little r-'e water. Serve with good
American cheese.
EMMA PADDoCK TELFuRD.
NEW NAME.
isnt your brother a chauffeur?"
No, he' a taxi Jcrmiat"'
"Oh, I thoJht he drove a au'
'Ycx a Uiil"'
I
14 IW'-
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t3"
FRIARY y
ii sea ar- ,s-w"r - i - -na. -r w
a. i ?. i i a
USX.
Thursday I have had my room repa-
pered, as I didn't like the paper I bad
chosen last year. It Is very nice to have It
changed every twelve months, and all the
furniture moved around, as It makes It
seem like an entirely different place.
It was Mollis Turner who first suggested
the idea to me. She said she couldn't stand
things looking Just the same for too long
a time. She made me help her one day
and we moved every single thing In my
bed room. It was dreadfully exhausting,
and she ruined the hat she had on by a
vase of violets that we had forgotten to
take off the top of the bookcase falling on
her head. We nearly expired moving the
bookcase, as the books made It so heavy,
and when we got It across the room we
found It wouldn't fit In between the win
dows at all, so had to move It back again.
She went with me to select the wall pa
per the other day, and we had a great
many arguments, as she wanted me to
have a paper that was covered with
wreaths of wild flowers. Fhe said It was
so sweet and girlish. I said I didn't want
my room to look that way. The salesman
began to look nervous. I persisted In get
ting what I wanted, which was a perfectly
plain tan color. Amy, who was to meet us
there, came In then, and the vetoed the
wild flowers effect Immediately. She said
It would be better to get a paper covered
with orchids or bunches of violets, so that
IT WOULD BE BETTER TO GKT A
PAPER COVERED WITH ORCHIDS."
If there was a period In which they were
not sent to you you could sit and gase at
your walls. Mollle always had paper cov
ered with, the most enormous deep pink
Etiquette Women
In many fashionable clubs for men either
one part of the building Is set aside for
the up of women or members give the
women or their families cards which per
mit the fair sex to lunch In the club at
certain hours of the day. When this cour
tesy exists It may be usually extended so
that a man may occassfunally give such a
card to a woman acquaintance. He, of
course, signs his name to the check.
Under such circumstances the etiquette
to be regarded Is strictly laid down, and a
woman who does not deserve it shows her
self either Ignorant or thoughtless.
Fur a man to give his club card is one
of the greatest courtesies he can show a
woman, for his club Is his casLle, where
comforts and luxuries prevail and the
thought that he wishes to give her the
pleasure of partaking of them shows a
mark of friendliness that should- be ac
cepted with appreciation.
Items of
An authority on shoes says that patent
leather should never be kept In a cold
closet or one unduly warm, for the reason
that both degree of heat and cold cause
the leather to crack.
Instead of these extremes a spot where
the heat Is medium should be found.
Cold is worse than heat for patent leather.
When the shoes are to be put on the feet
it will preserve them If the hand Is passed
over the shoes, smoothing them until they
feel supple.
They are then less apt to crack. This
gradual warming should never be omitted
when patent leather shoes are first put on.
There are two distinct organizations
known as the Colonial Dames of America.
The first was formed in 1890. The society
Is purely patriotic aud educational In lu
objects, which are to collect and preserve
relics, manuscripts, traditions and me
mentoes of the founders and builders of
the thirteen original states of the union,
and of the heroes of the war of Independ
ence, that the memory of their deeds and
achievements may be p.rpetuated. Alno
tt promote celebrations of great historic
events of national Importance, to .diffuse
Information on all subjects concerning
American huito.-y, particularly among the
yocng, and to cultivate the spirit of
patriotism and reverence for trie founders
of American constitutional history. This
j suHety has already a large membership
! and chapters In many states. The presi
dent Is Mrs. James W. (lerard.
Mis. Justine Van Renselaer Townsend Is
the president of the second organization,
td wltlch there Is no admlinlori except
through colonial ancestry. It is prescribed
that the "members ehall be women who
are descended from some ancestor uf
worthy life who came to reside In an
American colony prior to 11M. which an
cestor, or some one of his drscenddiits,
being a lineal ascendant of the applicant,
shall have rendered efficient service to
bis country during the colonial period,
either in the founding of a commouwealtit
or of an Institution, which has survived
snd developed into importance, or wiio
shall lave held an Important position In
the colonial government and who, by d.s
tlngmsliod service, snail have contributed
to the founding ot this grvat and power
ful nation."
Services rendered after I TTel do n.it en
title to menilierghlp, but ate accepted for
supplemental application;.
The society known as tiie Daughters of
the American Resolution was organised In
the oily of Waahiogtuo, D. C, In OctuUtr,
ill
BOLLIEjt)
- . . r
BY M.F.
tormtm. is nixtm vmk mm
roses. A good manv old maste 0 In brown
modern frames hung on top of the roses,
as she went In for soul and art and things
like that, and she also had a great many
"WE NEARLY EXPIRED MOVING THE
BOOKCASE."
copies of Dibson' pictures ndxed In with
them that she had done herself.
Wrhen you saw one of those from a little
distance, and before you realized that It
was a copy, you folt certain that If Mr.
Dibson had really drawn It he must have
had an awful Jag on. .
The year before she waa married all the
old masters disappeared and she had some
water-color pictures of girls sitting on
sofas and holding big muffs up to their
faces and walking In the woods in Arctic
snow storms In pink satin slippers. They
were awfully expensive pictures and were
In the most exquisite gold frames. She said
she thought they wereso sweet; and they
were. When you looked, at-them It was
just like eating a lump of sugar. She gave
me two, just like a couple she had, for my
birthday, and I didn't know what to do
about It I don't like sugar by Itself, and
although I could manage to eat one lump,
two would make ine feel quite HI.
We never could agree about pictures any
way. I have some that I c"ut out of a book
of fairy tales ages ago that look like old
wood cuts. I simply adore them; they are
so mysterious. You never could tell who
did them originally. One illustrates the
"Robber Bridegroom" ' and the bride hi
just stepping In a cottage, and you can see
a little old twisting staircase Inside and an
old woman Just appearing In ' a dark ball
behind them. And the girl Is looking tip
.1 bl-
HP
Should Follow When Dining at Men's Clubs
When a woman accepts , such a courtesy
sbe must be particularly careful about ber
conduct, and it behooves her to be quiet in
manner and to do nothing contrary to the
rules of the club. - i.. .
For one thing, she miuit not pay the
luncheon check. No matter how long she
has possessed the card, she must sign the
name of her host and the slip must go on
his monthly account For a woman to
pay a lunch check at a map's club would
be enough to set thte entire organization
gossiping. If for any reason. the woman
does not wish the man to pay her check,
she may make a note of the amount and
give it to him personally. If a woman
lunches frequently at a man's club and
does not want her host to pay,, she keeps
a memorandum of the checks and remits
the s mounts to the member,, .
It Is not good form for a woman lunoh
Ing under such conditions to order drinks,
Interest for the Women Folk
1SW. The headquarters are In that city.
Its present membership is reported to be
over 47,000. Any woman ..may be eligible
for membership who is of the age of IS
years, and who Is descended from an an
cestor w ho loyally rendered material aid
to the cause of independence as soldier or
sailor, or as a civil officer In one of the
several colonies or states, or, of the united
colonies or states, provided that the ap
plicant shall be acceptable te the society.
Every application for membership must be
indorsed by a member of the national so
ciety. U is then submitted to the regis
trar general, and. If approved of. the ap
plicant is enrolled as a member.
A foulard Is a useful material that fills
Laughs at the Law
J
A police court judge in a Louisiana, town
had before him, one hot Monday morning
in July, a number of negroes committed
for various offences. ' .
The room waa very hot and very close
The JudKe was hurrying the caxea through
in the hope of getting into belter air, when
a perspiring nenro was shoved up.
"What are jou charged with'.'" a--ked
the Judge.
"'!eed, boss, i ain't 'cused uf nothing'
only frag i aney." ,
tullty:v howled the judge. 'Take him
away."
An Arkansas la)er was pleading for a
client who was on trial for stealing a mule.
"tlentleiiien of the Jury," he said, "tills
poor, unfortunate man is sorely beset here.
Keep thing seems agulnat lilm, but, gentle
men of the Jury, If you, In your wisdom,
see fit to eliminate the law and the facts,
my poor, unfortunate client has a chance.
V
Judge Phillips was holding court In II ts
souii and stopping at a hotel that was
known all uer the stale aa ona of the
worst, if not the worst.
A man wus brought before the Judge,
charged with larceny, and pleaded guilty.
"Prisoner," said the judgu, "this la an
atrocious crime you have committed and
I Intend to punish oil severiy. 1 w,sh
I had it in in) (tower to send you to our
hotel fur six mouths, but J hate Dot that
pouer and therefore can only put Jou in
JaiL"
1 r
- l l
WLsBsuas' ! SOS RWU COa at Mss swsnsA
at the bird that is singing In Its cage
"Turn back, turn back, thou pretty bride."
There are six of the pictures and In one
of them the prince looks exactly like Tom.
Mollle said vaguely she thought they ware
very cute, but I knew she didn't a bit.
I've Just had a Mother Ooose one framed.
It la old English and waa in a little book
with the words set to music It was
"There Was a Little Woman, as Tve Heard
Tell." I've framed the one where she Is
leaving home with a long trained gown and
large basket of eggs. Her mother and
father are saying goodbye to her, and
there are castles and things In the distance,
and It's too fascinating. I told Mollle aa a
great honor I would give her little girl
one of tli em when it waa a little older.
I said I had a great many ideas for its
nursery as soon as it began to show any
signs of Intelligence.
Mollle looked rather frightened and said,
before she thought, that that would be
'some years off yet. I said I was sure of
that, but I told her I knew she would have
highly-colored pictures for It of children
dressed In the latest style kissing each
"I SAID I HAD A ORE AT MANY IDEAS
FOR IT3 NURSERY."
other and signed Violet Woodward. She
said it was funny, but she had just bought
the dearest picture for baby yesterday of
a little girl and boy standing In the snow
holding hands. It was called "In Winter
Weather." But she said it wasn't by any
one called Woodward. It was signed Helen
Babcock. I suppose Helen must need the
nioneyi
for they make her conspicuous, a con
tingency she should avoid. The beverages
should be confined to tea and coffee. Oen.
erally speaking, when she Is In the club
only as a guest, she should not take an
other ' person with her and she may not
Invite a man, ever, within the portals of
another man's club.
If she is the guest of a relative he may
tell her to take another woman with her
whenever she wishes, but except when this
Is amderstood she should not stretch his
hospitality.
Some clubs require that women guests
shall register when they leave after lunch
eon; others that they shall put their names
on the luncheon slip, together with that
of tile host. Whatever regulations are in
force should be compiled with Instantly.
Criticism or fault finding by a woman
in a man's club Is bad form, for a club Is
private, not public, as Is a restaurant.
j
almost every need, but I think it should
not bo worn in a ball room, for there are
so many other kinds of silks that are
more appropriate. For example, messa
11 ne. sueslne or ever the rajah, if you must
wear the dress for dsy aa well as evening.
The pretty mixed goods, such as eollenne
and the crepes, also Jacquard goods, are
pretty and Inexpensive for girls' evening
use, and a dress of either material would
be far more effective than an expensive
foulard.
You may like to combine two materials,
as a skirt of silk, with oversklrt ot mar
quisette matching the silk tn color.
The latter could be gathered ftito a belt
and caught Into a folded ribbon below the
knees, the ribbon tied Into a bow In the
back.
The waist lining could be of silk, cov
ered with a baby waist of the marquisette
brought into a' ribbon belt tied In the back.
The top of the waist could be finished with
a shaped baud of cream lace edged with
small ribbon flowers. ,
Sleeves of the marquisette ould be shir
red Into dep band cuffs of the lace. Pale
blue, pale pink and old rose are all ap
propriate and becoming colors.
Materials suitable for afternoons are
henrletta. poplin, challle, nun's veiling and
any of the mixed cotton and silk or cotton
and wool fabrics.
A girlish looking frock Is suggested by a
fairly full skirt gathered Into a belt and
gathered 8 rain at the bottom Into a deep
band of a contrasting material In the same
color.
For Instance, velvet or silk could be com
bined with henrletta. while if you choose a
figured ihallie. then plain material the
color (,f the background should be chosen.
; iink-.-s the i hallie comes with a border. If
! it does, no trimming will be necesurv. A
full waist should be gathered into a square
I shallow yoke of plain goods.
I The neck should be Dutch square and
finished with .l tucker or m.ide to wear
with a chemisette. The waist should be
gathered Into a hell of the plain fabric.
Cut iwiisant sleeves In one with the waist
and finish at elbow, with lit bands of
the plain material.
Long cuffs of net. lace or lingerie should
meet the sleeves.
If ou I.uve the ball In mind when you
speak about the footwear, bv all means
wear slipp rs.
' A millionaire may not object to buying
his daughter a little so much as he objects
j to what goes with It
i 1 hti kav t II. Uiin.ll..,. U ..t A t.
n, . Cat- ijJ
I V I t I I -
The Tired Business
BY WALTER A. SINCLAIR.
"I suppose the democrats will pay some
heed to the president's message ordering
us to be thankful." observed Friend Wife.
"And the republicans can be thankful
(hat It Is no worse," replied the Tired
Business Man. "Their orators hive as
sured us that If they went out of office
there would cease to be any Thanksgiving
day, that a blight would strike the tur
keys, that the good crops which make up
the rest of the meal would suddenly wither
on the stem or In the warehouse or wher
ever the withering Is best and In fact we
would be lucky if the world didn't sud
denly cease revolving the necessary six
teen dally revolutions needed to carry us
from November 8 to November 24. Ap
parently, however, the earth caught the
prevailing erase tor revolutions from the
voters.
"It was fortunate that the president
wrote his proclamation In advance of elec
tion or it might not have had so much
spontaneity and sing. Like all Thanks
giving stuff, but the actual fact. It hap
pened a month In advance. The mam
linn came out late In October as usual
with their covers representing the joyous
occasion. I was pained and surprised to
find the poor average of covers showing
the stern and rockbound Pllprlm escorting
his Pllgrlraess to church through a stage
snow drift, he toting a light, nun-rcftllnblc
blunderbuss shaped like a stovepipe and
weighing upward of a ton, the debarking
stage from which to send the shot on its
flight and a large volume with brass
clasps on it while In the background lurked
the usual Insurgent Indians, the reaction
ary of his time. I have grown so used to
this original Idee, in Thanksgiving number
covers that I can scarcely believe the
festal day Is at hand without a plenitude
of such art
"In fact, had the Thanksgiving magazine
cover minus the grim pill I mean Pilgrim
come out after election, I would feel sure
that the democratic landslide had buried
this form of industry.
"Then there lias been the regular
Thanksgiving day number story in all the
magazines of tho starving family and the
wandering boy who rushes In with a per
fectly good, cold storage turkey on the
right day, to say nothLng of the foot ball
hero always the Lowly Sub who makes
the big hit with The Glrln Thanksgiving
day by mopping up the grid with frag
ments of the mollycoddles from other col
leges. I think U would be timely to make
the Lowly Sub a democrat.
"I knew the -day was comlnsr because I
read the rood old annual newspaper story
about a depressing cost of turkey and
other side lines which help to make up our
day of thanks. Evidently the news travels
Arab - Afraid - of - a - Camera
. Reappears at Brooklyn Pier
Five young men strolled over to the
coffee docks In Brooklyn and watched the
bags of Java being hoisted from the British
freighter Errol to the great warehouses
They watched with keen Interest the little
brown Cingalese struggling with the huge
bales and cases and then went on board
and made friends with the officers ot the
Errol.
"It's a couple of years back since my
friends and I were on a ship like this,"
said one of the quintet to Mose Berkeley,
the quartermaster. "We did not have so
easy a time of it, either, for we were taken
for real pirates, and If it had not been the
year 1908 we would undoubtedly have been
made to walk the plank.
"My friend here, Winifred, would have
looked handsome festooning a yardarm,
wouldn't he? The five of us had been for
a trip to the orient gathering films for
our boss, who Is a famous lecturer. Julie
Hchem, the short one with the aristocratic
face, came over to me one day in Aden
and said: 'Jim, there's an Arab in a house
nearby who would make a fine picture for
the colonel. I tried to explain to him what
we wanted, but when he saw the camera
he became so crazed that I had to run for
my life. Let's send Dudelson over to coax
elm. Aba can talk the language.'
"So it was decided that Dudelson and
Winifred Hank Burham and I would go
to the picturesque Arab and waylay him
for a picture. Julie was to be our picket
and warn us if reinforcements came to the
subject of the sublime porte.
"We arrived at the house and tried to
explain to the Arabian gentleman that we
would fain have his picture immortalised
on the cameras that we carried and that
there was no bomb or other explosive con
cealed within the folds of our European
clothes.
"The Aiab seemed to be satisfied that we
meant no harm and left us in the dingy
court in which we had been interviewing
him. When he came back it was with two
dozen ot his fellows, several of whom held
the luckless Julie between them, having
captured our picket unawares. They they
stripped our clothes from us, gave us some
of the shrouds which the Arabs drape at
themselves, and set us adrift on a lonely
spot at a point where the Indian ocean
and the Red sea get together and where
the atmosphere Is particularly hot.
"We dilfted two days, and we were nearly
dead for the want of water, food and the
effect of the Intense heat when we
sighted a steamship. We made signs, but
the officers on the steamer seemed to
POINT-OFVTEW,
Percy didn't bkv out tils
brains when you refused him. He
proposed to me last night"
"Indeed; 'hen he must have got
B.tLU aXsHtcoailiier. ws r L"
mm
3,
Man
Tells Trlsnrt Wife t
Takes More Tuaa a wai
low to Make a Thanxe
giving Dtrner.
"ROCKBOUND."
slowly to those districts where the food
comes from.
"Klsht here I want to say that I hope
not too many persons Intend to thanksgive
after tho manner set down by our old
friend, lIors.ce Fletcher, the Inventor of
Kletcherlslng. I cut out what he said, snd
here Is a gem 'Hold your food in your
mouth, fare down, so that your tongue
hangs perpendicularly In the mouth. Chew
your food until all the taste of it Is out
snd It crawls up the center of your toaf.ue.
jit will be Involuuntarlly swallowed.'
"Oh, horrors, lloracel Why, that would
J moan stable manners 1 Instead ot the
I groaning festal board surrounded by
I groaning boarders, we would havo a table
designed with a series of partitioned off
stalls, so that the eaters could hang down
their faces and let the food crawl tip.
Think of chewing a tasteless turkey until
the taste Is outl
"Does Horace think we sit down to din
ners merely to eat? Where Is to be our
alert glance In watching our table neigh
bors drop cranberries on their shirt fronts,
or how can we watch papa shooting the
turkey off the platter if we wallow, face
down. In our food? And Is he going to
deny us the delight of being stuffy and
stupid for twenty-four hours after?
lloracel
"'One swallow does not make a whole
Thanksgiving dinner it takes a much
larger bird. And that reminds' me there
Is one thing I have missed this year."
"What's that?" asked Friend "Wife."
The annual parody on The Turk Lay
Dreaming of the Hour," " said the Tired
Business Man.
(Copyright 1910, by the N. T. Herald Co.)
think that we were the usual brand of
Arabs bent on mischief. Instead of five
well behaved, respectable Manhattanlles,
bent on rescue.
"We were taken on board the British
freighter Jupiter Pluvlus and there wasn't
a soul on board who would believe our
story. We were made to peel potatoes, do
kitchen work and other chores until we
reached Port Kald. where our story was
quickly corroborated and we were let go
with profuse apologies from the comman
der of the steamship with the rainy
name."
As "Jim" whose last name is Boltem
was spinning this yarn to the Errol's quar
termaster there came from the fo'es'le a
tall and gaunt figure. He made for the
group of them, pointing a bony finger at
the five visitors, shouted something that
sounded like a cross between "blackshecp"
and "lnterborough." Berkeley explained
that the sailor, an Arab, was denouncing
the visitors as "evil ones."
"That's our Arab, all right enough!"
shouted Bchem, as he edged behind the
bulky form of Winifred Smith.
The Arab would not stand for his picture
anymore than he would the day that the
"evil ones" attempted to get his likeness
at Aden.
An Organ Iterital.
Eight or nine women, assembled at
lut cheon, were discussing ailments and
operations as eight or nine, or one or
two, or sixty or ssvently women will.
The talk rang through angina pectoris,
torpid liver, tuberculosis and kindred happy
topics.
"I thought," commented the guest of
honor, "that I had been Invited to a
luncheon, and not to an organ recital."
Everybody's.
A Hassle.
"That Is a puzzle," said Robert W.
Chambers, the novelist, at a dinner. "Yes.
that Is as much a puzzle as Mrs. Mala
prop's definition of naivete.
"Mrs. Malaprup and a gentleman were
discussing a beautiful young lady puet
The gentleman said:
" 'What I regard us the most conspicuous
thing about her Is her naivete.'
"'Yes,' said Mrs. Malaprop. 'I wonder
what made her get such a light one?' "
Philadelphia Bulletin.
Superf loas.
lkey: Fader, wat's "mipei fluous" ?
Father: Wearing a necktie veil you've
got a beard, lkey.
WOW I
Did you notice that Gui gave)
me his first dance lait evening?
"Yes. dsar H; told m: after
ward he bsli-ved in getting di
agreeable thint dancju ooV.M
xivlU,'
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i mm
