Till; TYRE: OMAHA, MONDAY- OCTORKn 17. 1010.
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Brightside and His Boy
"Hunting for M Using
Things You Want to Know
Tho Government
Papers," Tliclr latest
Work Government
Tabloid Sketrh.
rrinting Office
J
BY LAFAYETTE PARKS.
"1 In surprising how many contests
there are over the estates of wealthy men
wtmse wills tut off some of the relatives,"
remarks ItriKhtslde, when Willie the Wise
tin Mettled' himself In his accustomed
corner and got the torch nicely burnlne
''Th missing papers always get my
goat In this will business." complains Hon.
"There are a bunch of lawyers In this
town who would never be able to make
a living If the will hadn't been mislaid at
tb last moment."
"It would seem that a man with a for
tune to divide; would be very careful about
Where. he put the papers." observed Father.
"If somebody hadn't lost the first not of
papers," retorts Ron, "there wouldn't be
any mellow drama tod;iy. There lin't a
playwright allvn who could dope out a
plot stuffed with thrills If he couldn't ring
the change on the 'papers.' In the first
pluce, ho tries to get somebody to 'Sign
the papers!' They refuse to sign the
papers, and the plot thickens right awny.
Then, when the papers get lost, and the
beautiful heroine Is about to be torn from
her sweetheart's arms and cast Into prison
if- the lost will la not found, there's some
thiu doing every minute."
"When I make my will." declares Father.
"I shall put It', away with the greatest
care, so .there wton't be any difficulty."
"You'll do such a good job at the hid
ing, " says 8ort, "that nobody will over be
able to draff If out. and there'll be Just
another set of missing- papers. That's the
way It always happens. One of the most
popular methods of planting the will Is to
lock It In a safety deposit vault In llobo-
ken, the last place anyone would ever think
of looking for a hunoh of missing papers."
"Here's an article in the paper now,"
continues Father "about a son who stole
his father's will that disposed of $5,000,000,
cutting off th boy without a penny."
"Curses on hlml Also tolled again!" ex
claims ' Son. "It's all 'right to steal the
papers If you can (ret away with 'em. The
villain Is usually found out, however, after
some brave girl has risked her life In try
ing to foil the, plot ttiat has deprived the
widow and her In-no-cent kids of large
wads of wealth. .Naturally the fair heroine
geets a Jujoy- slice of the bundle, and all
live happily, ever after. They never tell us
what finally becomes of the papers, how
ever, which Is very annoying."
"I see here tbat New York City has In
stalled a new system for filing away court
papers ta prevent Ions," says Father.
Daughters of
- ..a .. :.- -
Ils Mary H. fforthend. Journalist, was
born in Halem. Mass., where her father was
a distinguished criminal lawyer, who, dur
ing a long pe.rl.xl of years, was retained
In every criminal ce, with one exception.
He was an old time war democrat, a friend
and Intimate associate of Rufus Choate,
Krankftn Pierce and Charles Sumner.
In early youth Miss Northend was de
barred by 111 health from an extensive
education. In fact, she was a confii med
Invalid from the age of 11 years until very
recently,
However, she Inherited a love of literary
work fron her father,' who was a literary
man and the author of "The Old Bay Col
ony,', After a very severe Illness, and a
sojourn from hrrme of eleven years' dura
tion, ,h returned to Kalem and began to
write snart historical sketches for the
newajnapera When these attracted the attention-
of. msgaslnes, she entered upon
work along her present llnea about five
years asro. Hba has worked principally
along household lines, although she has
cone much with colonial antiques. Her
leading feature is photography. During
the lait Ove years she has taken more than
H.0O0 photographs. Oiy account of her ex
treme nervousness, she does not attempt
work harself, bflt alwHys accomunles her
photographer and directs each picture
taken. Her success In this exhausting and
exacting labor has been such as to win for
her a -cotmideMbte prominence amopg the
magazines.
Miss Northend makes It a part of her life
scheme to avoid club work of every kind.
Iu order to devote her whole time to her
ehoeea work, she has given up all social
engagements. It Is Indeed a rare event
whoa even her must Intimate friends can
prevail upon her to accept Invitations of a
social nature. Ph Is an Indefatigable
worker, rising at an early hour and giving
MIGHT HAVE TO.
"Going to Ev -ope this winter?
'Not unleaa tha U tuauncs.
mm
1
Mr
'TrCEE-AfcE
Kept
bC .STOLEN
"The chup that Invented that stunt is apt
to pay denrly for his day's work." asserts
Hon, "All the art or villains in the business
will camp on his trail for chucking them
out of a Job. If there are no more papers
to be lost or stolen it's a cinch that the
plots of all up to the minute dramas will
have to be changed, putting a lot of the
long-haired boys out of work."
"It does not seem possible that such a
simple thing could bo so Important to the
drama." Is Father's belief.
"All the other 'props' of a play can be
forgotten," Son explains, "and the piece
will run along as smooth as oil, but let the
bundle of papers be mislaid and you can
gamble your entire roll that the curtain
will have to wait."
"Is the will the only Instrument upon
which so many Important events In life
hinge?" queries Father.
should say not," Son declares.
"What's the matter with the mortgage on
the old homestead? Once let this paper
get Into the hands of the villain and all
hope is lost for the gray-haired parents
whose prodigal son has gone astray In the
great city. Unless he comes back In the
nick of time with the reoe!pt proving- that
the mortgage was paid long ago In elgh-teen-karat
gold, it's over the hills to the
poorhouse for the kind but careless old
couple who mislaid the papers."
(Copyright. MO, by the N. Y .Herald Co.)
Famous Men
- A ' . - !w- ;''; St
the whole day tr her worli, often writing
until the "wee sma' hours" of the morning.
So devoted is aha to her chosen work that
for nine years she has never taken even one
day's vacation, but plods on, happy In the
thought of a life which is neither frittered
away upon frivolous gossip nor wasted upon
work which Is worse than useless.
(Copyright, 1910, by the N. Y. Herald Co.)
r
Daily Health Hint
J
One authority claims that an excellent
cure for Indigestion Is "to treat the stom
ach like a gentleman by giving It several
warm baths a day;. In other words, drink
two glasses of hot water half an hour be
fore each meal."
tin poet aw ob a ruwfr.
J. Adam Rede of Minnesota, the humor
ist of the house, while he was In It, and
whose humor still bubbles, tells the fol
lowing on a friend of his who travels for
a carpet firm:
"My friend." said Cede, "is of a saving
disposition, and he recently had to make
a longlsh Jaunt with, two trunks. Arriv
ing at the station he approached a
stranger Btandlug on the platform and
said:
' 'Are you going to Chicago on this
train?"
' I am.'
' 'Have you any baggage?"
' 'No.'
' 'Well, friend, you can do me a favor.
and It won't cost you a cent. I've got two
good-slxed trunks here and they always
Diake me pay excess for one. You can get
one checked on your ticket and save me
some money.'
" 'Yes, but I haveu't any ticket.'
" 'But you said Just now that you were
going on tills train.'
" 'Bo I am. I'm the conductor.' "San
Francisco Examiner.
HopklaMs Smith tDsperleaee
"Don't use too long words," said V.
Hopkluaon tmltb, the author.
"1 was once on the way to Reading by
train, and, at a town nestling beside the
river, I came out on the platform and
drew In deep breaths of the pure, delicious
air.
" 'Isn't this Invigorating?" I said to the
brakeman.
" 'No. sir; It's Cons hohocken.' said he."
Philadelphia Bulletin.
Still ua the Job.
He What ever became of your brother,
the one who was a switchman?
Hhe Oh, he Is now a preacher.
He A preacher? Well, there's not much
m
7 Ml
mm i
change In his occupation, then.
Hhe Why, how is (hat?
He Well, he still tiova the coupling up,
diu t he? change
I
era-JteXg)ix to" Ml )7WKf
JL LI. 1,11 Mr ' ItWErt-'FOCDS UP li N 6oA
. " f V UHl ' I jft.C A WHOLE' rA
SljLJi- V ; OUTriT.iFEV' wlfcv
-U4 POVEa.PcTS f
I nooTTCT S"JZ' ("THERE' TSOgS.Tucl
XouT YOURVSH)
mmlfAr? ' lay them rw. j fool TMKivid
ansvusuT. lata IV THI
Wednesday Who should turn up day be
fore yesterday but Jim Connors. I was
Bitting in the window seat reading about
life In New York and wondering If I had
enough money for a trip there 1 mean a
real trip when I saw a huge machine
coming up the drive, I couldn't believe
my eyes when I saw It was Jim. If only
he could have arrived when Tom was hen
and was acting In such a disagreeable wa-'
But one cannot have everything.
It seems an aiyit of his has a cottage In
this neighborhood and he Is staying with
her for a few days, He came to our place
In twenty-one minutes only. He wanted
ta know If there wasn't a hotel where he
oould spend a few weeks. I told him about
the "Bilge-Water" and he said he would
engage a room there right away. 'I don't
believe that Idea appeals to me very
strongly. It will be nloe to see htm a few
times and have him propose again and go
out In the car, but I don't want to have
weeks of that sort of thing. I've got to be
so Jausy getting my winter clothes ready
very shortly, and I believe In giving all
your attention to what you are doing that
Is most Important. He did look so nice
and refreshing after the professor. He
only stayed a short time, as he said he
had to meet his aunt.
mm
JIM WALKED IN THE ROOM.
Yesterday while I was in the village
the- professor stopped and left a message
saying he was going to call on me In the
afternoon. It really, doesn't seem possible
to lose him. I thought and thought, and
finally decided on a plan that would once
for all disillusionize him In regard to me.
I borrowed one of the cook's Mother Hub
bard effects and tied my head up In a
towel and put some gum drops Inside my
Items of
A simple hair ornament that can be
easily adjusted to almost any coiffure la
made from stiver or gold ribbon an Inch
wide and three rows of colored beads
strung elde by side.
A prett; combination Is silver ribbon
with pink and blue beads, gold ribbon with
small Jet beads, amethyst or russet brown.
"Please tell me what to do to make my
eyebrows pretty,"' writes one woman, de
spairingly, and I am quoting her plea be
cause I have received many similar ones,
and to them alt I answer: Take care of
your eyebrowa Few women do this yet
they seem to expect that their brows will
be shapely and attractive.
By care of the brows I mean practically
the same treatment which Is given to the
hair with this exception: Tonics employed
must contain a large percentage of grease
for ths Una of hair over the eyes Is so
177
ii
MEW Y0K& sVENINS TELESnAH (NEW YORK HERALD
cernuairr. tarn iv tut urn yom cmuta tiusium ma torn, hctau et rum i
mouth and made one side1 pt my face look
all puffed out. i
I lollshed up the end of my nose and I
looked anything hut ' romantlo when my
toilet was completed. When he came I
went downstairs and murmured something
IT WIT.L, BR VERY NICE TO SEE HIM
A FEW TIMES.
about a toothache and then I said I had
a boil on my face. That sounded more un
attractive than anything I could think of.
He Vas all sympathy and became very
tender. I might have knowu that to any
body like him a boll on the woman he loved
would Inspire deep sentiment.
The cook's gown distinctly had an elu
sive odor of fried onions about t.
But I dare say I went up In his estima
tion on that account, as he probably pic
tured me cooking them.
He was bending over me In t'45 moat de
voted manner and telling me oi' some fear
ful sort of a cure for toothaches and boils,
when Jim walked Into the room. The front
door had been open and he bad heard my
voice, so came right In. His mouth fell
apart as he saw my appearance. I sort of
gasped an Introduction and then sar
speechless as I heard the professor ex
plaining about my toothache and the boll
to him. Jim said, "Oh, you poor girl; can't
I do anything?" I replied feebly that I
thought I was getting a lever, too. As
Interest for the Women Folk
exposod to light and air that tha natural
oil are quickly dried; a loss that must be
repaired If the brows are not to loose In
appearance.
When the brows are In good condition,
vaseline rubbed on at night will be suf
ficient to keep them pretty. To apply this
the tip of the finger Is dipped into grease
and each brow Is stroked In the line It
should grow. This serves to train It; a
moat necessary detail If any beauty of
shape la to be secured.
Brows that are Inclined to be thin and
soraggly require more attention. They need
a tonic, and one watch Is nourishing la
made from one-halt ounce of sweet al
mond oil and two. and one-ha If grains of
sulphate of quinine.
Every night the brows must be thor
oughly brutahod, alwas lu the line In
which they must grow. The bristles used
must have roras strength, but should not
C0J..U RWiU
Jim moved toward me I. thought pf the
scent of the onions that clung to my tea
gown and cried, "Ion't come near me
whatever you do!" He evidently thought I
was becoming delirious, and the professor
said soothingly: "A boll Is not catching,
my dear young lady."
I saw Jim looking at the soot on my oos
tume and when his eye rested on the big
gest grease spot I know I looked fearfully
sick. I began to have a sort of wild ex
pression finally and the professor said
nervously that he thought it would be bet
ter to send for the doctor. I asked him to
close the front door and while he was In
the hall told Jim to get him away Imme
diately or I'd never speak to him again.
It was very difficult to get rid of htm,
though. He hinted that, as Mr. Connors
had an automobile, it would be better for
him to get the doctor. Jim was sitting
beside me on the sofa then. In spite of the
onions, and I began to be terribly afraid
he might think It his duty to go for a
physician, so I held one of his hands as
tightly as I could behind one of the cush
ions to try and keep him there. After a
while there was nothing for the professor
to do but go. I looked at him pitifully and
murmured that I really would like to
have a doctor. I thought then I might as
well be hung for a sheep as a lamb and
said: "Professor, think of my tooth, and
I foci another one coming." I meant to
say boil; but he didn't notice.
As soon as he had disappeared I made
one dash up the stairs and put on my
rose chiffon and half a bottle of violet
perfume and came down and eiplalned It
HE WASN'T A BIT AFRAID OF CATCH
ING ANYTHING.
all to Jim. I think l.e believed me. Any
way, he certainly wasn't afraid of catching
anything.
he hard. Following the brushing a finger
tip dipped Into the tonio and thoroughly
rubbed across the hairs, to work the grease
Into the roots, will complete the night
treatment.
In the morning another brushing and a
light application of tonic, may be given.
If the grease put on then Is gently wiped
off, It will Improve the look of the brows,
without giving any appearance of ollness.
MARGARET MIXTER.
Take old stockings and socks, black or
colored, cut them lengthwiee Into Inch
strips and put them Into your mopstlctt.
I'ampen with kerosene and let hang In the
open air for a day. when your mop still be
ready for use. Shake well each time you
use It and occasionally add a little more
oil, always letting It air thoroughly.
The I'nited States has the finest and
largest printing office In the world. It is
fitting that this government, where univer
sal edtK-atlon and Individual enlightenment
find their best expression, should be fore
most nation in the' dissemination of all
classes of governmental literature. It costs
I'ncle Sam at least I'-XVino.OiO a year to
carry on his printing and publishing tuifl
ness. Of this IS.UHO.ruO Is expeml-d In the
punting of the llterutuie and at lesst
fli,0"0,000 for it preparation. There are a
thousand different books and pamplets
printed every year by the government, to
say nothing of the large number of cir
culars, bills, and other small Jobs. There
are several dally, a number of weekly, and
many monthly publications issued by the
government. These runo In Importance
front the Congressional Record, to the
monthly summary ot commerce statistics
Issued by the bureau of statistics.
The building In which the big printing es-t-ihllshment
Is housed exist more than
$2,000,000. The entire plant is valued at up
wards of $ltl,CHKi,U0n. The asgregate number
of pieces of printed matter sent out Is
so large that the officials no longer keep
accurate account of them. As far back
as 1W7, Sfi.noo.OOO pieces were turned out,
and Eiu,0i0 pages of type wore set up. The
appropriations for the big printing; office
amount to approximutely $r,oi.o a year,
which represent three-fourths of the
printing exensfs of the government. The
major portion of the government printing
done outside of the government pi luting
office Is done outside the city of Wash
ington.
In spite of the fact that every known prac
ticable labor-saving machine Is used ut
the government printing office, the force
required is paid $4,O0,kH) a year, and there
is an appropi iattion of more than IJOii.tM1)
for leaves of absence. It requires a mil
lion dollars worth of paper and JtiOO.OK)
worth of other material for a year's opera
tions. One begins to appreciate the Immensity
of Uncle Sam's printing plant, when he
considers how great are the little things
about it. In 1909 $2,000 worth of soap was
used $3 worth of screw drivers, $S2 worth
of pens, $M0 worth of lead pencils, $;O00
worth of lubricants and twenty-four tons
of printers' Ink. Waste paper Is reduced
to a minimum, yet In that year $.11,000 was
derived from Its Rale. The big plant has
fifteen acres of floor space, every avail
able, square foot of which la occupied.
When one goes through the government
printing offices he finds many, wonderful
things. One room has about eighty lino
type machines, the largest number to he
found In a single room anywhere In the
world. In another room are melting pots
so large that they hold fifteen tons of
molten metal. In another rooms presses
are found whose combined output la more
than 1,000,000 Impression very hour. Among
all the eighty-seven presses In this room
there Is not a pulley or a belt In sight, each
machine being operated by Its own In
dividual motor. The printers' Ink Is ap
plied to forty tons of paper every eight
hours.' There are card presses which turn
out 600,000 cards a day.
The Job office Is also the biggest of its
kind In the world. It turns out more Job
work In a single day than the average
plant can turn out In a full week. Every
thing in the way of perfect equipment is
found In this plant On the same floor with
the Job office Is the office of the public
printer, which has the reputation of being
the most finely lurnlshed office In the en
tire building service.
The government printing office is ready
at sll t'mes to respond to hurry calls.
When the naval court of inquiry Into the
destruction of the Maine made Its report,
President McKlnley transmitted It to con
gress one afternoon. The next morning It
was printed and In ths hands of every mem
ber of the senate and house. It contained
twenty-four full page Illustrations, one
lithograph In colors, and nearly 900 pages
of printed matter. When the congreslonal
Inquiry Into haalng at West Point was
made, the government printing office re
quired only thirty-six hours to print and
Bachelor Maids Guests Tiresome
She Says They Become Too Bossy1
A bachelor maid of large Income com
plained of being lonely.
"Why don't you have visitors staying In
the house more often?" inquired the older
woman to whom the remark was made.
"Because they wear me to the bone," de
clared th bachelor maid. "My guests
never seem to let me alone. Do yours tag
you around every minute? My last one
this week left yesteiday, and I sang with
Joy at her departure.
"She never seemed to be tired, and 1
gather that to be alone a moment was her
horror. She never went to her room to
lie -down, and certainly In ths week she
was In the house she did not write a note
except once at my dosk In the library.
There was a desk, fully equipped, In her
own room, and when she told mo sh hud
a note to write I could have leaped for
Joy, for I thought I would be by myself
for a short time. Not so. She said If 1
didn't mind she would use the library
desk. I suggested she would find that In
her own room quite oomfortable, but she
said she would rather stay with me.
"She stayed that time, but never again
shall she be a house guest under my roof.
Most of my guests do the same. I hardly
have time to give ordars to the house
keeper, and as for half an hour In which
to rest, I never have It! I'll give lunch
eons and dinners hereafter, but I'll have
no one staying In the house."
KNEW THE SYMPTOMS
"Oh, uncle, dear, Ttn to gUd tm
tee you. How werj you're looking?-
"Oh, ye&l tlow ouidi do km
want)
rHver to congress the l,0V-pire report of
that Inquiry. Its prompt work during the
revision of the tariff last year was fully
as remarkable as those performances.
With Us hundreds of Compositors and
proofreaders, there would be a wide diver
sity .f style were It not for the adoption of
a manual of style to which strict adher
ence is required. This style-book Is said
to be the. most complete In the United
States, although It Is very different from
the st It s used in the newspaper offices
of tho country.
Congress makes the heaviest demand upon
the government printing office. Its annual
printing bill amounts to more that $1000 0"0.
The Congressional Record and the printing
of hearings, committee reports and bills
demand the major portion of this amount. ,
Next to congress is the patent office. The
Patent Office . line tie Is a large weekly
volume dealing with patents Issued and
giving- the specifications of each ono of the
thousands of pntehts granted. It Is this
publication which gives the patent oftle
second place among tho different organisa
tions of tho world In the consumption oi
printers' Ink. Tho Iiepartment of Agricul
ture ranks third as a user of printers' Ink.
It requires jUii POO a year to puy the printing
bills of that department. Its mcst Im
portant publication Is the year-book of
which fi00.i0 copies are Issued annually.
Nothing Is too exacting for the govem
mcfit printing office to undertake. The
rebellion records, published in 123 volumes,
and ipqulrlng a 1.200-page Index, perhaps
for generations will remain the world's
greatest single undertaking In the printing
line. These records contuln more than
100,000 pitges of printed matter, requiring
In their publication H0.000 reams of whits
paper, and more than a.OuO.OuO.OT'O ems of
type. The whole edition comprised about
l.Mo.OOO volumes. When the United Rtntes
wanted to publish a history of tho rapltol
it demanded that completed volume, should
be one of the finest examples of the print
er's art to be found. Although sold at
bare cost of production, exclusive of ths
cost of the plates, the price of this work
Is $10. .
In order that every citizen may have
full opportunity to possoss hlmsfif of na
many of the government publications as
he desires, the office of superintendent of
documents has been establ'sh-d. This offi
cial Is furnished with a supply of all val
uable publications, and Is expected to use
such means of advertising as will bring1
them to the attention of the public gener
ally. They are sold at the bare cost of the
material used In printing and the labor !n
volved. In figuring out this cost the pov
ernmcnt does not mako any charge for
composition.
The superintendent of documents has
serious competition to meet. Nearly everjr
publication he has for sale may he n!
talned by the average man or woman
through his or her congressman. The
majority of people are awaro of this fact
and write directly to their representative
In congress for the public documents they
desire. The government also distributes,
free of charge, to such public libraries as
dealre them, copies of all Important kov
ernment . publications. The majority of
those who have occasion to refer to these
-publications go to the library to consult
them. v
It Is tha opinion of many newspaper men
that the government's printing bill might
be cut In two If a proper system of editing;
were In vogue. In the recent printing In
vestigation it was stated by an authority
that two out of three of the public docu
ments Issued by the government could bs
boiled down to half their present size
without the omission of any material facts.
The agitation which led to the printing In
vestigation has served afready to diminish
the size of hundreds of the annual reports
of the different bureaus and dlvls'ons of
tho government.
BT EIEKXO 3. BASKIH.
Tomorrow Ths Government at Work,
XT. Miscellaneous rsderal Organlsa
Mens.
The plaint of tha bachelor girl has so
much reason that guests who wish to be
popular should bear It In mind. Every
hostess requires tlmo to herself, and more)
thsn a guest does, because part of tha
hostess' privacy must be consumed In giv
ing orders and keeping her house running
Therefore, while a guest rests for hulf an
hour, the time may be occupied In domes
tic business by the entertainer, who then
would Uke another half hour In which to
read or do nothing. There is no question
but that guests who spend all the time
with their hostesses are Just, as unpopular
and a greater strain than those who swing;
to tb other extreme and are all the spar
time in their own room.
A visitor can always get away by her
self by doclarlng that she Is tired 'or that
she wishes to write letters. Change of air
makes an excellent excuse for being sleepy,
and unless a nap occupies all of an after
noon the hostess will not feel herself
neglected. But, If a guest bears In mind
that a haseoss has domestic affairs and
her persona, correspondence to look after,
she will find ways of making spar tlma
for her friend.
ROSANNA SCHUYLER.
(f8 Dyspeptic Philosophy.
J
A pessimist Is a man who dodges pleas
ure running to meet trouble.
To get things coming your way It Is first
necessary to go after them.
Man wants but little here below, gener
ally a little more than he will ever get.
Rome men can mind their own business
about as successfully as they can refrain
from slvlng advice.
There are men so laxy that ths devil l
taxed to his utmost to find work for their
Idle hands to do.
If the shoe fits, wear It, unless you hap
pen to be a woman, and then you will get
a slxe smaller.
Many a fellow sings first bass la ft
church choir who would make a better
shortstop on a ball team.
It requires a good deal of tact for ft
woman to make her hubband think be is
having his own way
