TIIE BEE: OMAILX, MONDAY, OCTOBER 3, 1910.
-HO
Brightside and His Boy
"Borrowing; Money In
Things You Want to Know
The Automobile
Industry.
Chunk," Their Latest
Tabloid Sketch.
1
L toi
Ch
BY LAFAYKTTE PARKS. I
"Banking methods that permit a man to
get $aw,)0 without any security, strikes
nie aa being a tiange vendition In fin
ancial 'affairs,- begins Urlghtsi.le. as
sapient " Sort, he human encyclopedia,
trolls Iri . for' the daily word duet.
"This la tins grand little town for big
Chunks pf, ,eay cush," replies Son, ex
cavating , a .tun h. anil . applying the match.
"It's a regular arctic sone, though, for
the chap who wants to make a touch for
the price of a meal ticket."
"In my . hojno ... town If a young man,
f business,',', continues .Father, "he couid
I usually get it.'., .
i 1 "Swell chance a gink would have these
V days getting by with a line of dope like
I that If be. wanted to borrow the kelt,"
rstort Son., "if you bring a recommenda
tlon In your mitt to prove you're honest,
tnese xoxy banners gel suspicious rignt
away."
"I believe In encouraging .young men to
enter business", avers Fatner, "and when
tbey can prove their proposition is reason
ably good . the banks ought to let them
have the necessary capital."
"What a chance!" exclaims Son. "If you
had, a corner on the peanut crop, a con
tract to supply alt the sous In the country,
tad all you .needed was the sacks to de
liver the goods,, ..you couldn't pry loose the
cush with d . crowbar If you handed 'em
that kln& of a song and dance."
"What method Is required to raise money
then?" queries Father.
"You've got to make a noise like a mil
lion dollars," declares Son. '.'If you make
a bluff that money's no. object to you, and
you're only borrowing It to give the poor
bank clerks something to do so they can
hold their jobs, they'll turn you loose In
a money vault and tell you to help your
self." ',"'".
"Suppose I wanted to negotiate a loan of
a couple of hundred dollars," Father sug
, tests, "what 'would be the best way to
I go about It?" . ,
' "Tog yourself out In a. bunch of glad
rags and a high silk hat, hire a taxlcab
and drive to the biggest bank In the city,"
Bon advises. "Stroll Into the place swing
ing a gold-headed cane and . a valet carry
ing your morning newspaper. Don't do
business with anybody but the president of
the bank. If 'you need two hundred, ask
(or two hundred thousand and you'll be
1 more apt ' to 'dYajr' down the. slmoleons.
When the" main guy O. K.'s the loan, don't
f aot In a hurry to get ypur mitts on the
f kelt. Just tell him one of your truck
f Jt -l .. ,111 '.Alt'- a .,.. n ,4 Inl.p In (h. Aai
to oart away the Junk.",
Daughters of
1
hi
?e
VIOLv FOK.TE5CUG
Miss Viola Forteacue, tha actreas, who
appears as Mm: Simpson In th dramati
sation of Kate Douglas, Wlggln's "Rebecca
of SunnybroOlt farm,'.'1' is tba daughter of
George - K... Fortescue, tlu heavyweight
comedian, who for the last twenty years
has been Identified with so many success
ful productions of comto opera, musical
'comedy and extra van ansa.
George K. Forteecue Is Rngllvh by birth
and acquired his - early training on the
English Huge. ' Those, possessed of that
useful thing called " a' theatrical memory"
recall the, fact that, in is.i3. he appeared In
"The Golden' .Wedding." ' More recently
he appeared In the original American pro
duction of ''Saii. Toy," and won fresh
laurels by his" performance of Yen How,
the Chines -mandarin with many wives
and an elsstU eouVe of veracity.
Ills unctuous comedy In the tuneful
mandarin - song of this nttle opera 1b un
forgettable,, with the pkituresque group of
Chinese -wives gathered about the com-
lan's generous outlines as they sang
"Kow-tow, kow-tow '"'
To the great Yen How.
And wish him the longest of lives
With his one-llttle. two-little.
Three-little. four-)lttle. '
ElM-hl-ttUle. tan-little wives!"
In tha- revival1 of the ' comic opera at
Pally ' theater five years ago. Mr. For'
taaeua repeated his earlier success, in com
pany with James T. Powers, who also
resumed al ptiglnal role of Ii. Sine
that tuba Mr, Forteacue has been suc
TDMrji'l you tell tnt he md
tainf pafcttiftf; picture..?"
rVMOdnot I tald be painted
Estnra to make livicjt"
TWairoF rr.
MAKE ATtlVFT
Lxo.
NO OBJCCT TOYOa
"That doesn't look very businesslike to
me," protests Father.
"If they thought you needed the long
green for any real business," declare
Sod, "they'd put the time lock on the
vault, ring the burglar alarm and yell for
the police."
"When I was a young man," relates
Father, "bankers had to be dealt with
along strictly business lines when loans
were sought good and ample security al
ways had to be given."
"All a chap has to do nowadays Is to
make out a list of the securities he is
supposed to own," Son says, "and show It
to the bank president. If the list Is neatly
typewritten on a handsomely embossed
letterhead and makes a nice, fat total. Its
chances are good to get by."
"And when these m,n who borrow such
large sums fall to meet their payments,
what happens?" queries Father.
"They get a comfortable room In some
homelike Jail with the privilege to send
out for their meals." answers Bon. "In
the meantime their wives try to borrow
more money from other banks to get them
out on ball."
"I guess bankers are more or less scs
plclous of women borrowers since the days
of Cassle Chad wick,' surmises Father.
"Every married woman Is an expert at
negotiating loans," Son asserts. "She's
aot to be If she wants to get the rent
money away from her tight-wad hubby,
They are th only ones in the borrowing
business who can touch and touch again
and never pay back' a cent"
(Copyright, 1910. by the N. Y. Herald Co.)
Famous Men
cessful In light opera and In legitimate
roles of modern comedy.
In physical proportions Miss Forteecue
Is the very antithesis of her father, who,
until he reduced his too solid flesh by an
effective system of banting, tipped the
scales at 366 pounds, a weight that never
severely Interfered with, but often accen
tuated, his fun-making ability. The daugh
ter's form is slender, without even a sus
picion of that roundness that might later
develop Into something ilka her father's
ample curves.
MIhs Kortescue was practically born on
the stage. Her mother was known as
Mrs. Uratton, a famous Mrs. Malaprop of
her time, and before Miss Viola had
reached the age of 16 years she had toured
not only this country, but the greater part
of Durope.
She starred successfully in "Cinderella''
throughout Australia, and later starred
In "Tba Belle of New York," In the
British provinces. A few years ago, she
decided to desert musical eomdey for the
legitimate stage, and In UOe starred
throughout this country In conjunction
with John Kellard In "Taps" and "Ham
let." She also played tha leading 'role In
"Qraustark."
Refleetloaa of a Bachelor.
One reason why a woman can't play poker
Is that she generally wins.
The most economical woman hate to
be caught In the rain without silk stockings.
After all, there's only one real trouble
with life it's a thousand years too short.
When a summer girl can't find her way
to the most romantic corner of the veranda
In tha dark It's time to consult an oculist.
.New York Press.
What Every Meaaekeeper Kitm.
That she la easily tha beat In tba neigh
borhood.
That money doesn't go half tha distance
that It used to.
That It Is Impossible to clean carpets with
an egg beater.
That nowadays girls are not properly
taught how to keep house.'
That housekeeping would be very easy
if It were possible to get decent servanta.
That the servants ought to pay her for
cleaning up after them. From Judge's Li
brary. Tabloid Pellet.
But tha pore-food law do not make any
provisions for lov that Is adulterated
with filthy lucre.
An Ohio man aged TO married a girl aged
10 and deeded her 600 acre of land. Then
she had plenty of ground for divorce.
A Kansas woman wants a divorce because.
her husband throws bricks at her. No man
has a right to throw anything at bis wife
but bouquata and tvot air.
IT . - ,1 -9
1 -a
I U- MAIU THl AAOtVtR -B
e WROTE SIC , THE
PtO.rtOT AG. KCS7
To extAGftra it xiuVr
v
' DKAR.OOOb. SiMT. TTMsm.C
TVviNS, AJftT A AUQNT
re- Hoiii. mail. tmis
THURSDAY I got back home a day or
two ago, and although I thought It might
seem quiet after Mrs. Deerlng's, there
have been momenta when it has been
more exciting than any place I have been
to this summer.
Mother wrote ma that Uncle Timothy
and Aunt Georgette were going to be here.
They are both nioe, In some ways, I
am sure,-but It is a severe strain for me
to be with them much. Although they try
to hide It. and do their best to be kind
to me, I can see that they are convinced
I would -be a criminal of some sort under
tha slightest provocation.
Mrs. Dickson Is positive I have been one
for some time, but Aunt Georgette thinks
If she can exert a little of her Influence
over me I may yet be saved. I know she
expeots me to elope with the butcher's
boy, and could not repress a slight feel
ing of satisfaction that she had been right
about me after all In her private opinion
that I have rather low tastes.
Perhaps she Is right, too, for now I come
to think of it the butcher boy Is remark
ably attractive looking. Such nice blue
eyes, and brown hair that Is In lovely
maroel waves all over his head. I cannot
understand how the cook can prefer the
"AUNT OEORQ KTTK HAD BF7EN IN
STRUCTING MB HOW TO ENTER
THE ROOM LIKE A LADY."
ashman, whose features " are not a bit
regular, and who has rather brusque man
ners. If I had to choose between eloping
with the butoher's boy and Harry Van
Items of
Th "nativ costume of the American
woman, aa some cieyer punster nas namra
th tailor-made, make possible th wear
ing of waists of every sort of material and
very design, from th plainest of shirt
waist of mannish design to linen and
cheviot. - for street business and travel
use, to th fluffiest sheerest daintiest
blouse of ehlffon, silk and lac for bridge
parties, luncheons and matinee.
In fact If one would put th tailor-made
through all Its fashionable paces, on must
have a large variety of waists adapted to
oooasions that may arise thin waist and
heavy waist. light and dark, severely plain
and elaborately decorative.
The tailored suit itself remain a plain
a always, if not a little mure so, on ac
count of th slender line now demanded.
Collar ar flat atltobad or military; eoat
rr
r "S
I M
f -jt. V I'Li. Mt Muen oau&t.r I I
n wire.
CootTny
TH -mtift ha OOAb Oe. HMtH !
THAT RIAKVtAt'h . "TMlil'a fD t i
V. -"yt TUtVitA A A Fl. AUMtSi J!'
I
w
Om! WMATa "THE
MIAHA -
ut-mcn.
im Mci mot. I
"that wooi"T "TVtirtKa. 11 on "Mac. a
CA.
WW , a"T
Tomb, who Is always regarded by rela
tives as a prise In the way of a husband.
would choose the former In a minute.
The day after I got back I got a telegram
"HB MIGHT HAVB NOTICED THAT
BHD HADN'T MUMPS AT ALL."
from Tom asking If he couldn't eoma down.
It seemed too perfect
Aunt Georgette had been Just Instruct
ing me how to enter th room Ilka a lady,
and I waa beginning' to feel that I never
could, so the telegram made a welcome
Interruption. Although it seemed so' very
much longer, I had counted up and it waa
three days, five hour and forty-two min
ute sine I had seen him.
It I peculiar how an hour can appear
to have fully 200 minutes to It when I
am with some people, but with Tom it
never seems to have more than one or two.
Once w tried to keep track, because It
struck us both as being uncanny, and
though it was noly a second or two sinoe
he had looked at bis watch, w found It
waa an hour and a half. I met him at th
station and w got horn just in time for
dinner. Thank goodness we had soma sort
of a peaceful vegetable and perfectly well
behaved dessert. It waa too awful the
last time Tom waa here, as the night be
fore there were fried onions, .which he la
very fond of, and blueberry pie. He has
awfully good teeth, but It is not a bit
becoming to him to have them dark blue.
If It had been at Aunt Georgette' I
should have thought she had done It on
purpose. Luckily my cold had disappeared
TrT T TCP
I J
Interest for the Vomen Folk
sleeves plain and mannish, without any
houlder fullness; the Jacket Is shortened
to twenty-three Inches in many cases and
th skirt is extremely narrow, with llne
that hav a tendency to curve In toward th
foot rather than to flare.
Fabric range from ratine and serge to
velvet with velvet leading In popularity,
but cloth holding It own where a sens of
fitness rule. Essentially th tailor-made
remain sever and simple. Th scope of
Its usefulness, however, becomes wider each
season, owing to the blouses designed to be
worn with it
These may cost almost as much aa the
ult Itself, if the wearer' purs permits.
Nothing Is too extravagant to put Into
th fabrication of one' bt waist tor a
t&llor-mad a far aa coat of material goes.
Th line 1 not drawn vu at brocade and
csrl
USE.?- WMtUt-rVA. I
are
otr To etAL
ID TAlCI.
win III
and my nose looked white again.
A bad cold is so hopelssly unromantlc.
Mollle Turner had a beat young man
once who was a doctor. I wonder If he
wouldn't have thought she was more in-
terestlna when she had the mumos that
time. Sh had never had them when she
was a child and was horror-stricken to
discover that they were unmistakably ap-
peering one morning. She telephoned me
to come right around, and was frightfully
upset about It. I told her It was mumps,
and she was perfectly furious. I sug
gested her sending for the doctor who had
h .n .t.i .a .h. .n.nn.
ray head off. Bhe Insisted on having old
Pierson. on whom French negligees are
absolutely wasted.
descrlbed how fascinating It would be to
receive a handsome young doctor In a
rose colored tea gown and a pink chiffon
f . . n.twA L. Ill, . t. . .nA(, -
W . " . """" "
pf Louise of Prussia. ,
They could have had tea together and
she could have made light of th mump
and laid a good deal of stress on having
a headache, which can be quit becoming
if one 1 a little feverish and theeheeks
"IT WAS THREE DATS, FIVE HOURS
AND FORTY-TWO MINUTES SINCE
I HAD BEEN HIM."
ar slightly flushed. If sh had been very
tactful and clever 'about it ha might not
have noticed that eh bad mump at alt
and Just prescribed for the headache. She
deolded not to risk ft though.
gold lace. These venturesome material ar
successfully employed, thank to th modi
fying, harmonising qualities of th veil
Ing universally used, which keep to th
ult color, and tone down anvthlnsr In
hue or material that might otherwise
seem strident
Coop Hvieae.
"Cut canned sliced plneappl In small
piece and pour over one-half th measure
of the pineapple syrup (flavored, If on
chooses, with orange euracao),' says Fan-
jiie uerrltt Farmer In Woman' Horn
Companion. "Cover and let stand one hour.
Fill glasses on third full ot fruit, cover
with vanilla ioa cream to fill glasses and '
garnish with candled pineapple cut la
pieces and candied charrle "
MMmisWttHBKMtaltb aaMIMll
Two meetings will be held In St. Louis
this week which will possess unusual In
terest to the American public. The Auto
mobile Association of America will meet
Thursday In annual convention, and the
third National Good Roads congress will
convene on the same day. The growing
popularity of the automobile has had a
remarkable Influence on tha road question
In the United States, and It la fitting that
the automobile Interests and the good roads
Interests should meet together In their
annual deliberations. The wonderful Im
provement in the roads of the United Btstes
during the decade now closing Is attribut
able to the great amount of automobile
travel throughout the country, and to the
enthusiastic efforts of automobile owners
to Indues the state authorities to provide
better highways.
L. L. Whitman, who. on August 11 fin
ished an automobile Journey from New
York to San Francisco In ten days, fifteen
hours and twelve minutes, tells the story
of good road Improvement In a most elo
quent way. In vm It required sixty-one
days to make this same trip, and In 1804
It was done In thirty-three days. When
Mr. Whitman completed his recent jour
ney he deducted four days, ten hours and
fifty-nine minutes from the former record,
made by him in 1006. Thus It will be Seen
that the running time for the 1,557 miles
between New York and San Francisco has
been cut down to nearly one-sixth of what
lit was only seven years ago. While some
of this reduction is due to tha Improvement
i in tha automobile, much more of it Is the
result of the pioneering work of the ad
vocates of good roads.
Another long automobile Journey, which
speaks volume for the great Internatlonsl
movement for the Improvement of public
highways, recently was completed by Mrs.
Harriet Clark Fisher of Trenton, N. J.
Mrs. Fisher is known as the "anvil queen."
being on of the largest manufacturers of
anvils in the world. Last year she started
out on a globe-girdling tour, taklne- with
her a man and a man servant. In thirteen
months she completed-her trip around the
world. 18,000 miles of which she made In
her car. During tlis whol Journy she
had no serious accidents, and although she
penetrated far Into the uncivilised regions
of Asia, she experienced little more diffi
culty than K she had been touring jn
America.
The automobile manufacturer are ore-
paring for the greatest season of 1911 that
tne industry has ever seen. Th supply
of 1910 models already 1 exhausted and
the agents are now talking about th ad
vantages or th 1911 models. It Is estl
mated that there may be as many as 200.000
cars turned out during the coming season.
The great difficulty manufacturer will ex
perlence la In securing a sufficient supply
oi me accessories for the eaulDment nt
their machines. It Is feared that the busi
ness of lira will b limited, not by the
capacity or the factories, but by the sun
i vj i accessories, .rnere will be a
larger number of low and medium priced
cars turned out during the coming year
than ever before. The popularity of the
automobile in rural districts has brought
I a oeraana ror cars retailing at less than
1 11,200, and the large majority of tha new
factories are preparing to devote their at
tention to the production of car for this
demand
At a recent meeting of the Association
of licensed Automobile manufacturers. It
I wa decided that the system of dating used
n the designation of models ought to be
discontinued and a system of lettering sub-
ei"ea tnereror. Heretofore, cars have
Dn POken of a 1907 models, 1909 models.
na xonn. THIS has resulted in an ex
ceeoingvy low value being placed upon
eoond-nand ear by purchaaer. Under
tn6 ytn of lettering, to be followed
nerearter, the machines of a aiven vear
will be called model A, model B. and so
forth. It I believed by automobile deaJera
that this will result In second-hand cars
having a sales value more in proportion
to -hMr ctual worth than I the case to
Uy- f 0O"r 'h'V ba,Kl upon tne
secona-nana
r not intormt th real signl-
wi u iviivnnf system.
Perhaps th most notable legal decl-
slon ever made In the automobll world
was that recently handed down by Judge
.,,. , w-- w .u
I -vrw wa af kllll llll llf 111) TBllia
Mty of the Belden patent In 1879 George B.
I Seld.n of Rochester. N. T.. tiii . .In
cation for a patent coverlna- automobiles
driven by gasoline. In 1896 hi patent was
issued. Blnoa that tlma there ha been
a series of suits pending, and the matter
I now is to be carried to the court of last
resort A large proportion of tha automo
bile manufacture of th country hare
The Gentle Cynic
Lot of men never gravp an opportunity
till aom other fellow haa a hold of It.
Th proof of the pudding la In the encore.
If necessity Is the mother of Invention
ha baa aom mlghtly useless offspring.
Bom men fall because they are mis
understood and others succeed for th sun
reason.
To borrow from Peter and pay Paul may
merely mean that Peter la an easy mark.
Tha longest ladder won't reach to th
pinnacle of fame unles th right Irian
climb it
Many a littl man stands on hi dignity,
but that doesn't enable him to see over
th head of th crowd.
I Dtatano lands enchantment to th view.
specially when wa view people we don't
I UK.
7r srjeech is merely saying what w
I1U to th fellow we know we can lick.
Misery la the affinity of company.
Women's sphere now seems to b th
whole earth.
Many a guilty man escapes because he
Is so small he goes right tnrougn tn net
Monaeatoaa aaeettoa.
In the pleasant autumn weather,
When the leaves begin to glow,
And the forest looks as brilliant
A th lady In th show,
Sweetly w commune with nature,
Feeding on her wealth our soul
A we wonder bow in thunder
W can buy our winter coal.
In a mass of gold and yellow
Hang the leave upon the tree.
Or on earthward softly flutter
On the light Impulsive breese.
As we view the living poem.
Done In smooth, artlstlo rhyme.
It' distressing to be guessing
Can we buy our w4 on time.
' -T. JB. M.
Joined the Association of Licensed Automo
bile Manufacturers, and are fighting for tha
validity of the Seldea patent It i said to
he one of the fears of th automobile trade
that at some future time there may be an
over-supply of machines turned out, and It
1 expected that this association will be suc
cessful in holding down proUuctlon to at
least the point of demand. Th Bcldeit
pntent expl'es In 1912, and It Is probable
that after that date there will be a reduc
tion In the prices of automobiles.
On of the demands of automobile owner
today Is for a dev1oe that will prevent
"Joy riding." During the last year or two
so many cars have been surreptitiously
taken out by chauffeurs and other tor Joy
riding purposes that the owners are highly
desirous to have their machines so equipped
that it cannot be done without discovery.
All sorts of devices have been plaoed on
the market and the success that ha at
tended their operation range from good
to Indifferent. One of these quietuses oa
the desire to Joy ride comes In th shap
of a plug cut out switch with a look
attachment. Another offers a locking at
tachment for th gear shift Still another
records the vibration of tha machine and
the recording instrument Is so locked a to
prevent access to It by any on save tha
owner. Another device Is an automatic
speed regulator. It Is so arranged that
whenever the machine travels more than a
certain number of mile per hour th
power Is automatically reduced to a point
within the speed limit. Those who hav
equipped their cars with speed control ap
paratus find there are no Joy rides and no
violation of tha speed law by can so
equipped.
During the present year there ha been a
careful atudy of the adaptability of tha
automobile in operation against airship In
case of war. The Northwestern Military
academy purchased three automobile and
equipped each of them with a rapid-fire,
480 shots a minute, .90-callber gun. This
gun has a sighted rang of 1,000 yard. Th
machine was manned by four cadets and ,
carried an equipment of 6,000 pound. Under
these conditions they went through th
strenuous Glldden tour from Cincinnati to
Chicago, via Dallas, Tex., a distance of
2,850 miles. Experiments seem to demon
strate that the automobile will be effect tv
In this field. General Frederick D. Grant
thl year declared In an official report
that a law ought to be enacted which
would enable tha army to commandeer
every privately owned automobll In th
country tn oase of war.
On of th latest things In automobll
construction Is th equipment of machine
with individual electrle light plant. It
has been found that a small dynamo can
be placed In the machine to advantage,
and that lamps supplied with current from
it will glvs the most satisfactory light It
will not be necessary for the man who
want his lamp lighted by electricity to
buy new one, for at much less expense
he can hav hi old gas lamps fitted up
with electric bulb. A new seat has been
invented for Increasing the passenger ca
pacity of automobile In emergencies. Thl
seat may be clamped on the rear mud
guard, the running board constituting a
foot rest for th additional passenger. A
one of these seat may be plaoed on either
side of the machine It will be possible to
seat two extra passengers. Another new
departure in automobile equipment is th
use of wireless telegraphy. In the Glldden
tour this year automobile were fitted up
with small outfit which had a rang wide
enough to keep th tourist In touch with
the outside world at alt times.
It 1 said that tha city of Houston, Tex.,
ha more automobile In proportion to Its
population than any other city In tha
United States. There are 1.S00 machine,
with a total population of less than 100,000.
The state of the central west are said to
have more machine In the rural commu
nities than any other section of the coun
try, and in these state are found a ma
jority of the automobll manufacturing
plants of th country.
The rise of tha automobll Industry ha
had Its disadvantage aa well a It ad
vantage, A big hat manufacturer de
clared recently In a bankruptcy proceed
ing against him that his financial embar
rassment grew out of th rise of th auto
mobile business. H asserted that ther
are not one-tenth a many silk hat sold
today aa there were before tha advent of
automobiles, and attributed thl to th
fact that men who rid In automobile
cannot wear silk hat to any advantage.
By rmxDzmio j. XAgiKiir.
Tomorrow The Ooverameat at Work,
X. Tha President.
Daily Health Hint
According to Dr. Charles Asbury Stephen
ther 1 "a premature deterioration of th
brain cell In ninety-nine out of every 100
adults tn America, from a lack of good
habit In resting them. Nlnety-nln out
of every 100 of our people, as middle age 1
raaohed, drift into bad habits of leplng,
resulting la insufficient brain rest from day
to day and year to year."
For Everybody,
Happiness Is free to all.
Do not be so glum,
And, to know you'll be delighted.
That It Is not copyrighted,
Help yourself to some.
Neither I It patented.
You should understand.
On a claim at once be filing,
You cannot be pinched for smiling
In this happy land. , T. E. M.
tnSXJNDERSTOOta,
Jolly fellow, your brother. Sn
full of spirits. He tried to ki raJ
yesterday."
