Nebraska Newspapers

    TILE BEC: OMAHA, THURSDAY, MARCH 10, 1D10.
The-Omaha Daily Dee.
rot'NrED BY EDWAfli) ROSE WATER.
victoIt roskwater. editor.
Entered lit Onmh poatofflee second
tlaas matter.
f
Terms oc mtbrcriitiom.
Tally Vrn (Including Sunday), per wk tftc
Ial)y fe (without Sunday), Pr week 10c
elly ! (without Rumlav). ou year..MW
Ijallv and Kundav. one 00
DELIVERED BT CAHIT!t
lng Pre (without ftunday), rer weeK
Evening Pre (without ftunday), rer week e
Evening B- iwtth Bunday), per week., too
fcunday He, on year 2 51)
Saturday B"e, one year , 1-M
Adrireas all complaints of Irregularities In
lellvery to City Circulation Department
OFFICES.
Omaha Th B Building.
South Omaha Twenty-fourth and N.
Counrll niuffaU Prott Street
Lincoln 61 Little Bulldlnr
rhlrago 1S48 Marquette RnlMlng.
New York-Room 1101-1102 No. 34 West
Thirty-third Ftreet.
Washington 725 Fourteenth reet N. W.
CORRESPONDENCE.
Communlratlona relating to news and
dltorial matter should be addressed:
Omaha Bee, Editorial Department.
REMITTANCES.
Remit by draft, express or postal order
r arable to Tha Boa Publishing Company.
nly t-rent etampa received In payment of
mall account a. Personal eheera, except on
Dmaha or aaatern exchange, not accepted.
STATEMENT OF CIRCULATION.
Utate, of Nebraska, pouglaa County, a.:
George B. Tsaehuck, traaiurer of Tha
Baa Publishing Company, being duly
worn, aaya that tha actual number of
full and complete eoplea of Tha Daily,
Morning". Evening and "unday Bee printed
during the month of February. 1910, was
aa rouows:
1 4J.140
48,670
43,880
43,650
43.SM
43,770
1 43,000
i 43,370
4 4S.W0
6 43,030
6 41,740
7 43,810
( 43,080
, 48.810
10... 43.880
11 48,700
It 43.100
II 48,100
14 42980
30., 41,980
11 48.830
II 43,570
I 43,840
14 43,810
J 5 43,830
SI. 43,440
17 41,700
. 43,070
Total 1,188,800
Returned copies. t.,... . 8,880
Net total . T. ............ .
Dally average,....
....1,189,870
43,498
aBOROa B. TZ8CHOCK.
" - Treasurer.
Subscribed In my preaenc and uworn to
before me this ,28th day of February, 181U.
ROBERT HUNTER,
Notary Public.
abscrlfcers Icavla tha elty tem
porarily akoalO hare Tke Bee
tnUe t fken. Address will be
chaaajed aa aftea aa reqaeate.
Incidental!, what baa become of
the meat boycott t
The Ice In the upper Missouri la be
ginning to come down, but It is of poor
quality and there 'la no corner on It
' aaaaaewaaaaaaaaaeeaaaejaaaaaaaaeaaaaai
If the amount of the alimony paid
by the Nfcw York millionaires is the
basis of Judgment, It must be an awful
relief. : ' . -
It begins to Jook as though young
Knox were la for a few lessons in "di
plomacy,,i, vwith hla rather as ln-
structor, .,-,w:J.-.'
It Is only. a -Question of time, when
Jupiter yfvjtfys ."will cope, to the aid
and reuu-pf o)br.oTet cleaning de
partment, '; : .y-
If someone would only send some
.Black Hand Jotters to the phonograph
purveyors of Caruso's voice the remon
strance would not be so loud.
Prof. Loweu still holds that the peo
ple of Mars are an Intelligent race of
beings.. vfl, supposing that the
premise-Is" granted, then wtaatT
Is It not.-abbut time for that prom
ised trlp.,mp Mt,. McKlnley to begin.
It Is almost summer and Dr. Cook is
in South America on his way north.
It is true there are no very old ruins
in this country, but it is pretty widely
accepted that Tammany hall would
make a good one If properly treated.
Retail dealers deny they are in any
combine to raise prices. That settles
it, there is no' combine anywhere.
Everybody lumpr in. The water is
lino.
A member of the Omaha fire depart
ment has been dismissed for insisting
on covering op his uniform. A' real
fireman ought to be proud of bis
calling.
Wonder it the strike breakers in
Philadelphia are pocketing the fares
that belong to the street railway In the
same gentlemanly manner they did in
Omaha.
Those scientists who tried eating
teaks cut from the frozen body of an
antediluvian monster are certainly
carrying the cold storage business a
little too far.
The jrhtet argument in favor of an
automobile Is that gasoline is cheaper
than oats. ; But supposing a man has
hardly, enough to buy a full measure
of either fodder. Then what?
If one may Judge from the congres
sional record, it Is not discourteous to
roast a senatorial colleague so long as
it is done rhetorically and with a lib
eral supply of Latin and Greek terms.
It Is. not; to be wondered that Sena
tor Bailey of Texas is accused of never
having seen a Bible since he ult Sun
day school. ' Jufit aote where he lives
and remember that he was brought up
in another state. '
Doulbs county taxpayers want the
beat kind, of a Job on their new court
house and they are willing to have the
searchlight kept on the work ail the
time, without being too particular as
to who' holds the'lamp.
A very ; long article has appeared In
print telling why Virginia honors Oen
eral L. Ordinarily one would not
think an. explanation of that . kind
necessary.' General ' Lee la a man
aard aoeaks tor lUtelf.
Oh, Democracy, What a Talldown.
Only a few days ago The Bee called
attention to the announcement rriado
by Senator Owen of Oklahoma that he
would at the proper time move a sub
stitute for the postal savings bank bill,
not with any expectation of having It
accepted, bnt to give the senate "at
least an opportunity to conform to the
proposal of the democracy in Its last
national platform" which committed
the democrats to the deposit guaranty
scheme and also to the pout a 1 savings
bank "if a guaranteed bank cannot be
secured." In that connection we said
we would await the vote on the de
posit guaranty amendment in expec
tancy to see how many democrats
would put themselves on record for
and against Mr. Bryan's pet hobby of
108.
We regret to be compelled to record
the most woeful falldown on the part
of Senator Owen and Ms democratic
colleagues in their attempt to get
themselves straight on this vital meas
ure. Here are the excerpts from the
Congressional Record:
Mr. Owen: I offer thla plan aa a substl
tute for tha pending bill. I have no hope,
of course, that this propoaal will be ac
cepted; I have no hdpe that It will be even
conaldered; but, nevertheless, believing aa
I do that It Is far superior In every respect
to tha bill as It atanda. I offer it and
must rest content to see It speedily die at
the handa of the rathlofw majority.
Mr. Carter: I move that the amendment
propoaed aa a substitute be laid on the
table.
The motion to lay on the table was
agreed to.
Not even a roll, call demanded.
Not even an aye and nay vote to let
the public know how many democrats
were opposed to deposit guaranty In
spite of Mr. Bryan's contention that
a platform Is binding, and how many
republicans, If any, are In favor of It.
Not even the result of the vote to
show whether deposit guaranty was
laid -on the table by two to one or by
ten to one.
In fact, the record is a silent ad
mission that the democrats in the sen
ate did not want a. recorded vote on
the Owen substitute and had carefully
arranged to avoid it.
And, as if "this falldown were not
Quite sufficient, it was followed on the
final vote of the passage of the postal
savings bank bill in the senate by the
democrats lining up solidly against the
measure with the sole exception of
Senator Chamberlain of Oregon. Sen
ator Owen of Oklahoma had read the
Denver platform plank and pledged
fealty to it, asserting his firm Inten
tion to vote for the bill while looking
for an excuse to vote against it, while
another great democratic leader. Sen
ator Stone of Missouri, had declared
that he was opposed to the postal sav
ings bank and regarded it as unconsti
tutional no matter what shape it might
take, and would never favor it. Den
ver platform or no platform.
'.The. democrats in the senate have
side-stepped most adroitly, but it re
mains to be seen whether when ..the
postal savings bank bill comes vp In
the house, the democrats of that
branch of congress will be as success
ful in the game of hide-and-seek.
Experiments in Watercraft.
A South Dakota man asserts that he
has invented an "aquaplane" by which
he proposes to revolutionize river nav
igation. If wo are to believe the in
ventor, the craft in question has the
peculiar ability of climbing and skid
ding along on the surface of the water
instead of cutting through it, and it is
expected that this peculiarity will add
much to the speed. Experiments soon
to be made will be carefully watched
and, if successful on a small scale, will
add an impetus to water travel for
pleasure and commerce.
With all our progress In travel,, in
cluding the conquest of the air, water
navigation, although one of the oldest
forms, has been the slowest to develop.
The advent of the steam and gas en
gines have done much, but the princi
pal improvements so far have been in
the matter of slse and speed of water
craft, and the increased speed has not
been proportionate to the added ex
pense. The limit of speed with the
old-style boats seems to have been ap
proached because of the difficulty in
overcoming friction and resistance.
For some time the "skimming
method of getting over the water sur
face has been advocated, but little
progress has been made along that
line. The advantages expected would
reduce the resistance and make shal
low channels navigable as well as deep
ones. The emphasis now being placed
on water traffic places a premium on
attaining a maximum of speed at a mln
lmum of cost. It may be that the
South Dakota man is working In the
right direction.
The Bankruptcy Iw.
The proposed amendment of the
federal bankruptcy law is causing dls
eusslon In congress, some going so far
aa to advocate the repeal. of the entire
law aa it now stands. The reasons
advanced for repeal seem, based on
matters of purely sectional Import and
do not appeal to the nation as a
whole. The congressmen from the
south are largely n favor of repeal at
least to the extent that the law may
be invoked only in case of a general
panic. '
The chief argument advanced for re
peal is that the voluntary bankruptcy
provision of the law la, occasionally
abused, thereby "thwarting the ultl
mate aim of the whole law." There
are undoubtedly cases of voluntary
bankruptcy proceedings which are
plainly fraudulent, intentionally so,
but that does not necessarily mean
that the whole law Is worthless. The
bankruptcy law has eome to be a part
of the foundation of our credit system
of business and fully IS per cent of
America's buslners Is on a credit basis.
Without a bankruptcy law the least
suspicion of a financial stringency on
the part of a debtor would precipitate
a game of grab by the creditors and
the first one on hand with a Hen
would get It all or as much as needed
to cover bis claim, leaving the rest to
take what they could get.
As it is now under the law, the
creditors must share alike, hence.
rather than force a debtor into bank
ruptcy, it is to their Interest to give
him every opportunity and encourage
ment possible to get on his feet In
this way the law has again and again
proved a protection to the creditor
himself. If the law Is defective It
can be strengthened, but there seems
to be no demand for Its repeal.
Change in Inauguration Dale.
The endorsement by the house ju
diciary committee of the. proposed
change in the date of the presidential
Inauguration renews the controversy
over the desirability and feasibility of
such action. The resolution proposing
the change names the last Thursday
In April as preferred to the existing
date. There is a general sanction of
the resolution in the east and espe
cially In those cities contiguous to the
national capital. The officials at
Washington heartily favor a change on
the ground that it would make the
public ceremony possible In keeping
with the importance of the event,
without endangering the health of
the official participants or of the pub
lic in attendance.
The date of the Inauguration of pur
executive seems In many ways to be
inauspicious. March ' is a stormy
month and the exposure of hundreds
and thousands incident to a public
pageant and ceremony Is apparent.
The proposed change would be of
chief benefit to the commercial inter
ests of Washington, for a great crowd
always carries with It a great deal of
business. But the difficulties in the
way must not be underestimated.
Even granting that In many ways a
new Inauguration date is desirable, it
Is hardly probable that it will come in
a short period of time. It would In
volve readjustment of the term of the
executive and all his appointees as
well as a radical departure from tradi
tion. It may come in time, but It is
extremely doubtful if the people, the
country over, are yet aroused to the
point of recasting the constitution to
get ahead of the weather man.
Governmental Economy. ..
The public statement of President
Taft favoring a budget system and a
general department reorganization,
followed by the remark of Senator
Aldrich that it is possible to economize
In all our national affairs f 3 00,0 00,-
000 annually, has directed attention
to the colossal expenditures of the
government. , Extravagance and waste
fulness are the products of prosperity
for individuals and business organiza
tions, and our government is no ex
ception to the rule. - All admit the
general desirability of economy, but
such, a , desire and its realization are
two distinctly different things. How
ever,' it is agreed that the possibility
of retrenchment is dependent chiefly
upon some sort of a budget system,
such as is now employed in practical
business as well as In the govern
mental affairs of other nations.
A commission has been suggested
by President Taft to consist of three
from each house and three to 'be ap
pointed to take charge of the 'reorgan
ization and outline a budget system.
The disposition of congress to control
may do away . with the appointive
members, but since all changes would
have to be sanctioned by congress
anyway, retaining the three appointive
members ought to enlist executive co
operation without intrusion on con
gressional prerogative.
Regardless of the roundabout man
ner in which it will have to be se
cured, however, the main thing is to
hold down the tremendous expense of
government so as to eliminate need
less outgo. Aa it is, each congressman
gets all he can for his own district,
without a thought as to the whole.
While a budget system would not end
this "habit" at once, it would tend to
keep expenditures within the limit of
the income. While we cannot afford
to abandon the Panama canal or any
of the other great enterprises under
way, there is unquestionably much du
plication of work that could be
avoided. President Taft baa started
in with the right idea, and it Is to be
hoped that It will be permitted to pro
duce results.
The protest of Omaha's commercial
bodies against the proposed Increased
freight rate on packing bouse products
between the Missouri river and Chi
cago has been put up to the railroads.
The railroads will now have an oppor
tunity to make good on some of those
professions of well-meant intentions,
It is up to Edgar Howard to relieve
the suspense by naming the "promi
nent democratic lawyer" and the "well
known republican officeholder" who
are engaged in the work of "fixing"
nominees for the state senate on both
party tickets in the Interest of the cor
poratlons.
The Nebraska retailers, in session
la Omaha, insist they can prove, an
alibi on the charge of boosting the cost
of living. But that is exactly what
everyone else saya who is suspected' of
having a band on the price derrick.
The real culprit must ye be in hiding.
The Nebraska Teacher, a publica
tion In which Mr. Crabtree. used to
have a proprietary interest which he
presumably still retains, is quoted to
prove that the enforced retirement of
Superintendent Crabtree from the
headship of the Peru normal is a great
mistake and an Irreparable blow to the
cause of education. That ought to
settle It.
Gold has been discovered In the
northern part of New Hampshire, but
there is DO great rush of miners to
that country. There Is too much
money in the summer boarder business
to pay much attention to gold mining
In the good old state of New Hamp
shire. . ' ,
It turns out that on the eve of the
big fight' in Nebraska the anti-Saloon
league Is having trouble within Its
own ranks. So, however, are the
brewers likewise said to be at sixes
and sevens between themselves. The
same arbitrator ' might get a double
Job. .;
: Those two Servian princes who are
coming to America to get rich wives
certainly have the right idea for the
land of real queens and of wealth also.
Hut Just who are these Servian
princes, anyway, or does It matter so
lOng as they are "princes?"
Last week Theodore Roosevelt was
only made editor of a New York news
paper, a trustee in an Insurance com
pany and the chancellor of a western
university. What is the matter with
doing all three? He could handle
them right.
Some people are wondering whether
the canals on the planet Mars ttst as
much proportionately as the Panama
canal. What la the difference unless
their usefulness may be proportion
ately as great as that of the Panama
canal?
The total of deposits in Nebraska
state banks is larger than ever before.
The aggregate wealth of the people of
Nebraska was never so large as it is
today, and the . bank deposits are only
one of the straws that testify to the
fact.
Lara of, the Coin.
St Louis Globe-Democrat.
Commander Peary insists upon reawrvlng
the privilege, of making commercial use of
his north pole dlscoverl s. Scientists are
not unlike other olaases et people when
there Is a dollar in sight.
Difference la Methods.
, Brooklyn Eagle.
President Taft la worrying because achool
children do not learn to spell right His
predecessor was more liberal In the matter
of orthography. Ha was willing to admit
any pelting not in the dictionaries.
v . I
Twa Brands - af Liberty.
. Springfield Republican.
Tha action of tba Philadelphia authori
ties In prohibiting artmase meeting of strik
ers - and sympathisers on independence.
square Saturday prevea again that far less
freedom of epeechnfcnd. of assemblage ob
tains tn the gra cities of democratic
America' " thanT-Mtaq England. : Trafalgar
square stands for a liberty that indepaud
ence square krxy,,(jot In our day.. i
1 !' . t
. .. PERSONAL NOTES.
The long' lost husband of a Camden (N.
J.) woman turned up In time to find his
life Insurance policy paid and the money
spent ' " ' ' -
The supreme ootrrt of Georgia wisely
trails on lines Of least resistance. The
court declared that a woman has a legal
right to change her mind.
The Laetare medal, awarded annually
by Notre Dame university to some emin
ent member of the Catholic church, this
year goes to Dr. Maurice Francis Egan,
United Btates Minister to Denmark.
Can modern . melodrama, coma up to the
real thing? At a New York fire, a boy
runs the elevator, through smoke and
flames. Makes rescue after rescue. Ropes
part, f levator falls .from seventh story.
Sayety appliances work at the last mo
ment , , . ... ,,,1.
A professor of the University of Michi
gan, recently engaged as taxlcologlst In
the Kansas City poisoning case, Is swamped
with samples -of food from anxious hus
bands who Imagine their wives are fore
closing on life insuranoe policies and other
assets. ' .
"Airy, fairy." Lillian Russell now finds
her Joyous days barring her way to the
halls of fame In ber nature Iowa. Tha
proposal to plaie Lillian's portrait in the
hall of the Iowa Historical society pro
duced an objection from the W. C. T. U.,
not because Lillian annexed three ar more
husbands, but because she- warbled a song
in praise "of wine. Lillian waa quite
young then. She 4a nearly forty-nine now
and reasonable sedate.
I
Our Birthday Book
," Karon 10, 1810.
John J. Fltxgerald, member of congress
from the ..Brooklyn district was born in
that city March 10, 1S72. Mr. FlUgerald Is
best known aa the man who offered the
amendment and led the faction of tha demo
crats that saved the day for "Uncle Joe"
Cannon's rules at the opening of the last
session of congreaa.
Jamea D. Richardson, head of the Scot
tlsh Bit Maaens (or tha United States, Is
67 years old. He used to be congressman
from Tennessee and waa at one time floor
leader for the democ ratio minority.
Henry E. Krehblel, tha - musical critic
and author, was born March 10, U6Y at
Ann 'Arbor, Mich; He achieved his reputa
tlort chiefly, as musical erltlo for the New
York Tribune. Ha contributes largely to
magaxthes and other publications.
Henry B. Chamberlln, newspaper man,
for a few years located here in Omaha, but
now in Chicago, was born March 10, 1887, in
Washlagton. He is publishing a little
monthly magaslne called "The Voter." He
marries Miss Irene Byrnu, one of Omaha's
popular school teachers.
Jessa P. Palmer, lawyer, was born March
10. lOTi, Ha studied at tha University of
Oberllo and the University of Michigan
and before going into practice for himself
waa associated with T. W. Blackburn and
later with John L. Kennedy.
Walter V: Graham, accountant was born
March 10, 1869. He is a native Nebraskaa
and attended the University of Nebraska.
For ten years he was in the auditing de
partment of tha Burlington, and Is now
with the Havens-While Coal oompany.
B. 8. Crttchfield, deputy Internal revenue
collector, Is 47 years old. He waa bom in
Pennsylvania, and before taking his present
position taught school for twelve years
and was an engineer for fifteen years.
Washington Life
Soiaa tneereatlns; raeees
aad Conditions Obeervea
at the VaMoa-a OapttoL
A note of alarm is sounded by several
Washington correspondents of New Eng
land papers regarding the congreaalonal
apportionment based on the census of 1910.
Should tha total membership of tha house
of representatives remain as fixed at pres
ent. the Increase of population will also
Increase the basis of representation. States
showing stationary or decreased population
would Buffer a decrease in congresnmen
Members from the states thus menaced
are getting together for the purpose of
enforcing an enlargement of the member
ship of the house, although that body is
already so crowded as to make It un
wieldly as a legislative assemblage. It is
being seriously proposed to increase Its
members from 391 to 850. This would save
the states with meager population from
having their representation cut down. The
present banls of representation Is one mem
ber from every 194,000 of population. The
leaders want to Increase the ratio to one
for each X2O.0O0 of population, so as to keep
the total membership of tha house down to
the present number.
Congressman Mann of Chicago holds the
record of objections and points of order In
congress. He puts a microscope on all the
bills that come out of committee. If he
sees anything that doesn't look right, he
gels out his polnt-of-order machine and
starts It whirring. Many times he's
whipped; many more the chair sustains
him.
He was whipped when he tried to defeat
that section of the judiciary bill which
provided a Judge for southern Ohio. He
made the assertion that the attorney gen
eral had never recommended a Judge for
the southern district.
'"Yes, he has." said Taylor, of Ohlo.v
"Where is his recommendation?" Mann
shouted.
"In the report," aald Taylor.
Mann fairly gloated. Ills voice rang out
triumphantly:
"It isn't In the report" he yelled, bend
ing double in his excitement. "I have read
the report; the gentleman hasn't read it"
It wasn't in the report
That's why Mann is there with an argu
ment to back up his points. He knows
what's in the reports, which is a heap
more than a lot of congressmen know.
But don't get the notion, observes the
Cleveland Leader correspondent, that Mann
Is only an objector. He's a legislator as
well. To him goes the credit for the white
slave bill; to him Cannon gives the credit
for tha passage of the pure food act
Mann has whiskers. That's rather an
abrupt departure from the foregoing; but
there's no special way to bridge a remark
about pure food to one about whiskers, so
that we just Jumped over. Mann has a
mustache, too. He's slightly bald on top.
What hair he has Is straggly. He wears
glasses. He's very earnest and somewhat
excitable, especially when somebody ques
tions his points of order. Sometimes he
goes so far wrong in the temper of the
house that he Is the only vote in the nega
tive on some proposition upon which he
has raised the point of order. But be ap
parently doeant care. He'd rather be
right than silent
Several foreign ambassadors in Washing
ton are packing up their trunks preliminary
to returning to their respective home
capitals. They have been summoned back
to Europe to take charge of the arrange
ments for the reception of Theodore Roose
velt. The latter1 is to-be given the -most
wonderful welcome by the monarchs ' of
Europe accorded to any notable for many
years. The kings, queens, presidents and
other soverlgns of Europe will outdo them
selves in showering honors and attentions
upon Colonel Roosevelt. 'The latter will be
the guest at banquets, at balls, at re
ceptions and levees of every description.
He will be the personal guest of the
khedive of Egypt king of Greece, king of
Italy, the emperor of Austria, the German
emperor, the president of France, the king
of England and a long line of potentates of
lesser Importance.
Victor Murdock, the Kansas insurgent,
has dug up mora inconsistencies in the pos
tal service than any member of congress. It
was Murdock who discovered a fraud prac
ticed for years by which the railroads were
paid on a false basis through the simple
device of striking a daily average of malls
hauled by dividing the total for the week
by six instead of seven.
Now Murdock has unearthed the follow
ing interesting situation. He said:
"On ocean mall route No. 76 a ship run
ning from San Francisco to the island of
Tahiti, in the Southern Pacific, carried
42,000 pounds of mall annually, under the
ocean mall act, - which many now desire
to broaden and extend under legislation
generally known as ship subsidy. This
vessel of whloh I speak la of the third
class and receives for carrying the mail
$1 per mile, or $42,180 a year for carry
ing 42,000 pounds of mall, or fl a pound.
"But the payment. is not by the pound.
It is by the -mile. And this curious thing
happens. The captain of the ship sets
out upon the sea from San Francisco, and
steaming the direct route for Tahiti lands
there, having completed a Journey of 8,668
miles. But tha mall which was loaded
Into the hold at San Francisco and is now
dumped on to the doeM at Tahiti has trav
eled 4,218 miles. The cargo which went on
at San Francisco and which now goes off
at Tahiti has been carried S.6S8 miles. The
mall has been carried 4,21! miles. The
line of the log spins merrily in the blue
waters of the tropical sea, and at Tahiti
registers a sum total of 1,66 miles, but
the United States mail has registered on
the books of the department a trip of
4,218 miles.
"The tract chart of the Navy depart
ment shows that San Francisco and Tahiti
are 1,658 miles apart; the charts of our
postal system show that San Francisco
and Tahiti are 4,218 miles apart And
we pay $1 per mile, not on the navy's
charts, but on the postal charts."
Ollle M. James of Kentucky comes from
that portion of the Bluegrass region where
comfort precedes dignity.
Representative Edwin Denby comes from
Detroit Mloh., where society is careful of
Its every act In addition, Mr. Denby had
bis early training In diplomatic circles, and
for ten years his father was United States
minister to China. Hence, Denby was
brought up on dignity. It happens that
Denby and ' Jamea are the two heavy
weights of the Balllnger Investigating com
mittee. It is not safe for both of them to
ride In tha same elevator.
For two days, relates tha Washington
Times, James truggled to get his great
bulk within the confines of a mahogany
ctalr, which had been constructed for an
ordinary man. He suffered more than a
wctnan with a pair of pretty shoes thro
sises too small. Finally, be Insisted that
Chairman Nelson coma to his relief.
Kr.ute Nelson has a keen sense of humor.
Any one can tell that by looking at his
sparkling eyes. When the committee filed
Into the hearing room the same uncom
fortable chair waa at James' place at the
table. Ollle looked reproachfully at the
chairman. A moment later two husky por
ters struggled into the room, in full view
MO) xws vr?
Ffy Vcaro
tho Standard
l7
CREAM
Ml
L in rm ..
Made from
Make3 the food of
superior healthrulncss
and finest quality
am 3
of tho spectators, with the biggest loung
ing chair to be found in the building and
substituted It for the llttlo mahogany
affair.
"I don't aee why this chair couldn't have
been put here early this morning," said
James. . Senator Nelson Just smiled.
'Say, Denby," said James, "you can't
make any one believe you are smaller
than lam Just by sitting In that doll
chair."
'I don't believe I am any smaller," re
plied Denby, "but. I hate to admit, even
to myself, that the day has arrived when
I must have special furniture to accom
modate me."
CHEERY CHAFF.
"When I left the scene of the crime the
policeman was hot after a clue."
It Is quite natural, isn t It for a 'cop
per' to be associated with a scent?" Balti
more American.
'Ugh!" sputtered Mr. Jones. "That nut
had a worm In it"
'Here." urged a friend, offering him a
glass of water, "drink this and wash It
down."
Wash It down! " growled Jones, "why
should I? Let him walk!" Everybody's
Magazine.
Editor (to reporter) What do you mean
by writing, 'Among the prettiest girls at
dance was capt. smrtn r The captain is
a man.
Reporter Yes, but he snent most of his
time among the prettiest girls there.
Louisville Herald.
"Hubby, did you bring home my new
switch?"
"Yep."
"And my puffs?"
"I did." t
"How about myJfaee powder?"
"Here's your complexion. Now tret busy
and assemble yourself." Louisville Courier-Journal.
'I think I have made a speech that will
echo down the corridors of time," said
the self-confident statesman.
'Yes, replied his colleague; It will at
tract the same sort of attention In the
corridors of time that a man singing off
the key at 2 a. m. attracts in an apart
ment house." Washington Star.
'Your wife's new gown is a poem, Mr.
Beasley," said Miss Guehlngton.
'I didn t know." said Mr. Beasiey gloom
ily, "that there was any form of poetry
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ill
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thut buttoned down the back." Cleveland
rian Dealer.
Barber Have anything on your, face
when I get through, sir?
Victim Some skin and a nose, I hope.
Boston Transcript.
She I like the way the roon talk In
Shakespeare and the' hooks of that time.
He What do you like particularly about
their talk? . , ,
She They had such a pleasing way of
saying, "Ay, marry will I!" Baltimore
American.
The Mohammedan bandit looked up and
beheld a caravan approuchlng.
rm: no ci ieu, in gentie spring is
herel" .
"How do you know?" inquired his trusted
lieutenant.
"I. see the first ohWn,!, -
Then he chuckled' within his beard, mur
muring, "And yet they say I have not a
gentle, fun-loving disposition!"
WHAT g?
What If the wind should forget to blow,
The pussy-willows to, bud? i
What If the ground should forget to thaw--What
would we do for mud?
What If the robins should fall 'to return?
What if the sun wouldn't rise?
What if the colors should run and the blue
Should all fade out of the skies?
What if the Ice should forget to melt?
The brook to babble along? . . 1.
What if the lark should become stage
struck -..' '
And clean forget his song?
What If the trees should hoard their sap,
Aa mixers hoard their gold,
Refusing to circulate into leaves?
Wouldn't this world seem cold?
. ... -i ,
What If the hens should refuse to set?
Or the eggs refuse to hatoh?
Or what If father'd forget to spade
vThe ground foe lAai.BattftnuuMgh.t, j j -
What If that comet we're all waltln' lor
Should appear without its tall?
What if the women'd forget to go
Down town to the bargain sale?
What if the people would all combine
To clean these dirty treete,
And bury the Junk and burn the trash?
Or the prices drop on meats?
What if a whole long week should pass
Without the news of a wreck? .
And what if the writer of this here 'ponn
Should receive a nice lltlo cheque?
BAYOLL NE TRELE.
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It is such care in selection, blending,
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25 cents of Grocer.
Ttiis:
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