THE OMAHA SUNDAY RKK: MARCH 6. 1010. Tiie Omaiu Sunday Ber FOUNDED BT EDWARD ROPEWATEft. VICTOR ROHEWATER. EDITOR. Entered at Omaha postofflo aa second Mui mstter. TERMS OK SUBSCRIPTION. r1v Be (Including Sunday): p week. IV Tally Be (without Hunrtay). Pr latly Bee (without Sunday), one 'r- J Dally Bee and Sondey. one year DELIVERED BY CARRIER. Evening te (without Sunday), per week e Evening Be (with Hunday). per week...NV 'indav ytfe. one year ' Saturday iee. one year 'fi0 Addreaa all complaint of Irregularities In delivery to City Circulation Department. OFFICES. Omaha-Tha Fee Building. South Omaha Twenty-fourth and N. Council BluffsIB Sott Street. Lincoln 61S I.lttle Building Chicago 1MII Marquette Building. New TorU-Rooma 1101-1102 Ko. S4 Weat Thirty-third Afreet. Washington 725 Fourteenth Street N. W. CORRESPONDENCE. Cftmmunlratlona relating to newe and editorial matter ahould be eddressrd: Omaha Bee, Editorial pepartment. REMITTANCES. Remit by draft, epre or postal order psvehle to The Bee Publishing Company, Onlv t-rent atampe received In payment of trail accounts, personal checks, except on Omaha or eaatern exchange, not accepted. STATEMENT Or CIRCULATION. State of Nebraska. Douglas County, aa.: George R. Tiachuck, treasurer of Tha Bee Publishing Company, being duly worn, aaya that the actual number of tu 1 1 and complete copies of The Dnily, lomlng. Evening and Sunday Bea printed uring tha month of February. 110, waa aa foflowe: 1 43,140 15 49,870 1 48,800 1 48,880 t 43,370 IT 48,850 4 48.870 11 43,880 t ......... . 43.030 II..:.. 48.770 41,740 JO 41,880 7 43,810 SI 48,890 t 43,080 II 43,870 1 48,810 II 48,040 10 48,880 14 48,810 11 48,700 2 ft 48,830 II 43,100 2 43,440 IS 48,100 17 41,700 14 43,830 28 43,670 Total 1,198,860 Returned: coplea 8,990 Nt total v 1,189,970 Pally average 43,488 UEORQE B. TZSCHUCK, Treasurer. tfubarrlbed In my preaenco and morn to before ma thia 8 tn dav of February, 1H. ROUfcHT HUNTER. Notary Public. Saktacrlkera leavinar the city tem- mailed to them. Ad drees will bo caangfd aa oftea aa requested. Revised version: "And th March Hon and toe lamb shall lie down to gether and a little ground hog shall lead them." Probably the. "Dreadnought" air ships will be the next thing on the bills of fare of the war departments of the nations. Now that tha Dalai Lama oh Tibet is out of a Job, why not let hlra try a hand at goverplog Nicaragua. He la a nice, quiet chap. , Again the famous "leaning tower of Pisa" Is really in danger of falling Just the same as it has been for the last few centuries. When one considers how much like a pink tea Italian duels really are, the fact that Deputy Chiesa has to fight three does not mean so much. Perhaps to make the Postof flee de partment self-supporting it might be necessary. to cut off some of the at taches who are not self-supporting. There is less excuse for a law taxing bachelors when a Chicago baby wins a bachelor's love and Chicago debu tante establish a general nursery. It Is noticeable that It did not take John Bull long to forget his Oerraan acare when the busy heads and idle heads in English affairs began to clash. If one is to Judge from the verdict Of the Chicago board of aldermen, a hatpin is not only an unconcealed weapon, but also Is a temptation to crime. Is there anything auggeatfve in the similarity between the efforts of the nations to build the biggest battle ships and the tower of Babel in Bible history? It cost $13, 000, 000, to take the last census, and the Impending census is expected to cost close to $19,000,000. A big country this, and getting bigger very day. The Bad river, located near the Bad Lands of South Dakota, la badly gorged and badly flooding the bottoms; Looks like bad medicine for the Bad river valley. . It feem to have required the Phila delphia street car strike to let us here in Omaha know what skillful and dis tinguished leadership our own street car strike enjoyed. If Caruso would only turn loose sev eral of those phonographic records of his voice there would be a weeping and scattering of the Black Hand "artists" who are after him. Mr. Fairbanks is the guest of Great Britain and the occaalon seems quite hilarious. But Just wait for the big noise when he returns to seeing dis tance of the banks of the Wabash. The Denver platform pledged the democrats to a postal savings bank In th event the guaranteed bank could not be obtained. le any one In doubt as to the fulfillment of the condition to make thia plank operative? Explaining what has produced tut) high cost of living. Prof. Olddlngs of Columbia university declare: What are materially, we valnglori vualy boast. For 100 year we have been a herd of wild asaea In the wlMarneas. Now w know what the trouble Is and bow to remedy it. The Flow of Capital. The main controversy precipitated over the postal savings bank bill sec-ms to center about the conditions that are to surround the Investment of the money to be deposited with the government. It is practically agreed that the savings bank accumulations should be rflleposlted with the nearest bank of the locality that shall be quali fied as a government depository. To mske sure that the constitutionality of the law may not be successfully as sailed, the president and his advisers have urged that the government as custodian of this money be given dis cretion to invest it in government bonds, there being no possible question about the constitutional right of the government to provide all the neces sary machinery to float its loans and protect its credit. It strikes us that altogether too much stress is being put on tbe ne cessity of keeping the savings bank de posits In the Immediate locality of the original depository. Theoretically, cap ital 'Is like the liquid contents of a huge reservoir which flows to what ever point it Is most needed and can be best utilized. Of course, the actual flow of capital la not exactly what it Is In theory because much friction and many obstacles Interfere with Its free removal from one place to another, but that this tendency Is strong and tbe transfer of capital constantly in progress to a measurable degree is established beyond dispute. , Tbe amount of liquid capital in the reser voir may increase or decrease from time to time, but if It is taken out of one spigot or another it seeks a new equilibrium and regains its level. So whether the savings bank depos its are invested in bonds by the gov ernment or whether they are rede posited in local banks and by them In vented in bonds, or whether they only reach tbe stage of bond Investment by two or three series of redeposits, the effect in practice will be substantially the same. For a parallel we need only look at the money which Is paid in as premiums for life Insurance and held in reserve by the big life Insurance companies. These life insurance prem iums are Just as much savings deposits as would be straight-out savings ac counts, Several states have undertaken to require the investment of the money paid in by policy holders to be loaned out or to be Invested in securities in the same states, but no noticeable ad. vantage has been reaped from such laws. If insurance money stays in the states where the premiums are paid, it simply takes the place of other capi tal to go elsewhere. Where the atate is a borrowing state it may facilitate the Inflow, but where tbe state Is a lending state it cannot permanently check the outflow. . . Students of political economy are generally convinced that It would ba highly-desirable to have a natural flow of capital without artificial obstacles In the channel, just as it would be de sirable to have a similar automatic distribution of free labor bo that it would relieve unemployment at one point and supply tbe demand for labor at another. It seems to us, therefore, that the contest over the postal sav. lngs bank bill is turning on really its least vital feature, and that the acope of redepoglt and investment of the funds would be of minor consideration except for the bearing it may have on the point of constitutionality. Delusion and Dissolution. Those of us who have been reading inspiring tales about the precocity of an infant mathematical prodigy who has been making the graybeards of science sit up and take notice, will be interested in the following letter writ ten to the Outlook ty the father of young Sldis, disclaiming responsibility, The letter which is dated at Brookllne and subscribed Borts Sidis, M. D., reads as follows: There has been recently so much an noying newspaper notoriety about my boy, William James Sldls. and my system of education that I am forced to inake a public statement In tha Interest of the much-offended truth. Tha articles In the papers, especially the popular 'Instruc tive," "scientific" articles of the Sunday magazine variety, are highly misleading. In fact, some newspapers of the sensa tional type did not hesitate to invent In terviews, write up articles with my name tacked on to them, and compose mathe matical lectures supposed to have been delivered by William James Sldla. I wish to state that I have not given any Inter views to any of tha papers, nor have I written a line" for them, nor do I intend to give interviews, nor have I aa yet pub llHhed anything on the subject of educa tion. While this letter does not enter spe cific denial as to the exceptional talents which have brought a boy of 11 years within the portals of Harvard, yet it conveya the Impression that much of what haa been written about him has been , exaggerated and greatly dis torted, and the Inference that any child can be put through the game paces in the same time by following the same method, is evidently unwarranted. Thois "Old Maiteri." In an open letter Paul de Longpre makes a plea in behalf of modern art and the living artist. He calls attention to the "American craxa for the paint ings of the 'Old Masters,' " and speaks of the numberless factories in America and Europe where 'Old Masters' are painted by the gross, just to satisfy the ailly ostentation of tbe new rich." He even suggests that tha "Old Mas ters," themselves, would turn over In their graves if they could aee the ma jority of the "works of art" of which they are accused- Paul de Longpre is himself, an ar tist of exceptional ability and baa many tlmttfl aeen works of talented living ar tists supplanted by factory-made "Old Masters" of Inferior grade. There is no doubt tiat many modern paintings, ranking lilgrTas real works of art, have been relegated to the background, to make way for the dingy and damaged works of other years. De Longpre Bays there are faults galore In tha old paint ings, and it is reasonable to believe that heroic efforts running through centuries have developed the art of painting in some respects, If not in all. ' Yet It ia hardly fair to aay that the public is entirely to blame. The taste waa cultivated In tbe first place be cause of tbe homage which artists have themselves paid to the painters who have gone before. We believe there is less tendency than formerly to dis credit the work of modern painters of admitted ability and to encourage ar tlsta of today it ought not to be neces sary to discard tbe art of the past that has endured so well. Mutt Husbandi Learn to Cookt Mere man of tbe species "husband" is up against it with no avenue of es cape, for the all-conquering spinster school ma'am haa uttered the final edict. Mere man must learn , to cook. A spinster instructor the feminine form no longer applies, for she rules In the University of Wisconsin, who Is apparently of an unraathematlcal age, has Instructed the young women of her department that the cooking, washing and the "drudgery" of the household should be done by the hus band under the direct supervision of her majesty, the Ideal wife. Is it possible tb'at the course of human nature baa thus been turned wrong aide out and the. ruling wisdom and authority haa been usurped by the proud and domineering man? If so, then let the earth cave in and the heavens blow up if we do not reduce the specieB husband to the collar and the leash. Mere man must learn to cook. The spinster thus' hath Bpoken. " 'Tls thy wedding morning. Rise, old man, arise." Build the fire, cook the flapjacks, wash the dishes, sweep the house, dust tha brlo-a-brac and may the tortures of eternal matrimony seize you If you break a single thing. Order the groceries, then bike down town and earn enough to pay for them. Get your meals to the merry entertainment of your "supervisor" translating Greek philosophy from Cleopatra's memoirs or something like that. Then clean up the kitchen. A wife, we are assured, has reason to be prou of herself and would like to be proud of her hus band, too but, woe, alas, Then, Mere Man of the Species Hus band: When earth's last pancake has moulded, and a batter that's twisted and dried, has been flipped upon earth's heated griddle and burned to a crust as it fried; when the queen of your foolish young faucy, the one you dared to call your wife, la living and bossing in splendor on insurance you had on your life, we'll bury you down by tbe willow and there on a tablet of wood we'll inscribe a patbetie Inscrip tion "Mere Man. He did what he could," V Y Wage Earner and Farmer In these dayg of the strike and the' lockout a comparison in American life in workshop and on the farm is forc ibly brought to mind the constantly growing difference between the station of the wage-earner and of the1 farmer. A common blood parentage makes them brothers, but tbe nature of em ployment and the resulting Ufa tend to puah them apart. The labor union Is, to a certain extent, dignifying la bor and workmanship, yet to secure recognition for the benefit of Its mem bers It subjects their Individuality to a degree of control undreamed of be fore. On the other banc!, the growing independence of the farmer is noted, his well filled granaries and barns hava become a proverb, ivhUe his finan cial stability is unmatched. When our republic, began its career the tilling of the soil wis followed bo universally that ours was pre-eminently an agricultural nation. But our country'a resources and capabili ties for manufacturing industry Boon i.necame apparent, wun me result tnai ToUlnnnil With tha aualllnv Ma r commercial prosperity came an exodus of young people from tbe farms, until now barely 40 per cent of our popula tion is tilling the soil. The disparity of the conditions and attractions ,ot farm life as compared with city life geqms no longer so great, and as a con sequence the movement away from the farm haa been checked and some seem to think a reverse movement has be gun. Training of Heat Inspectors. The official announcement from Washington that "unless a young man la a graduate of one of those high class college be can not even try for an ex amination" haa placed a premium on the work of high class veterinary col legea with regard to thoroughness of training for meat Inspection. Tha rea son for this apparent advantage 1 "that the graduate or the better grade of colleges is better grounded in the work than tnoee who come from the cheaper colleges. The cheap colleges do not hava thorough courses." The de sirability of thoroughly prepared men for the meat inspection service has led to competitive examination for admis sion and in this competition, the col lege education is telling against those who lack it. When it became evident, some years ago, that a thorough Inspection of all marketable meats was necessary, be cause of the influence dietary elements have upon tha public health, the de partment in charge waa flooded with applications for positions of Inspector. Those applying were of various degrees of proficiency and bad to undergo a weeding out procesa. After tbe work had become more systematlxed, the tendency has been to raise tha require ments, with the result that the appoint ment awarded on civil service exami nation have gone more and more to the best trained. Tbe difficulty of ascertaining the pretence of tuberculosis and hog cholera bacilli makes a thoroughly scientific training an absolute neces sity In meat inspection. The govern ment recognizing the fact that the un impaired physical well-being of the peo ple U a chief essential to our progress and prosperity has given the Inspec tion bureau full discretion and the work of selecting Inspectors has been surrounded with ironclad rules and requirements. The fact that many young men Just out of college can easily pass higher examinations than practical men, who are a little short on theories, but longer on experience, is now largely offset by this strict rul lng on eligibility for examination. Both theory and practice are necessary in safeguarding public health and the most thorough qualifications in both should be demanded, where efficiency is desired. ' Eaiiinp; the Standard. The animadversions at Chicago of Dr. Henry 8. Prltchett, president of tht Carnegie Foundation, about the over supply of physicians in this country are really repetitions of what he has to say on this subject In his last report re cently made to the trustees of that in stitution. Ia this comprehensive review of our educational configuration. Dr. Prltchett declares it to be the uncom promising purpose of the foundation, which provides retirement pensions, not to recognize tny college or univers ity which has connected with it a med ical school which ia below standard, and goes further to say that investiga tions which he has set on foot have convinced him "that there has been an enormous over-production in this coun try of Jll-tralned doctors and half-educated lawyers." "Unfortunately," he adds, "many of these agencies In tbe production of inefficient doctors and lawyers are doing their work undar the shelter of colleges and universities; aome of these are on private founda tion and aome are tax-supported Insti tutions. Not only are the standards of admission to these professional schools low, but even the standards which are professed are In many cases ovaded. Some medical schools now sheltered by institutions of learning are disreputa ble aa well aa inefficient." &it even more Important than the declaration that the trustees of tbe Carnegie Foundation would lend a helping hand to no college or univers ity, however strong in numbers or in the prestige pf other departments, which either sustains or shelters a low grade law school or a medical school unfit, for the training of menta modern medicine, is tbe announcement that the foundation will print at an early date an accurate description of all the med ical 'schools in the United (States and Canada, setting forth their resources, their standards and the quality of med ical instruction which they can offer, and will follow this later with a similar report upon tbe law schools. When these reports are made public, we will doubtless have a catalogue of medical schools and law schools with such a rating that those which fall below the accepted standard will be practically on a blacklist. The Justification of this proposed ac tion Is said to be that no institution of higher learning has a right to under take tbe conduct of a school of medi cine, except from the standpoint of the betterment of medical education, and that the schools which purport to turn out doctors on a commercial basin de serve no support and should be put out of business. It Is explained that the weak, and In some cases disreputable, medical schools would tot exist except for the fact that, even in cities where decent medical schools are struggling to live, distant colleges and universities have lent the shelter of their charters to a rival coterie of doctors to enable them to establish an unnecessary com peting school. Tbe materials for the promised re port already in hand are said to ahow that there are In 'this country today more medical schools than in all of Europe; that these schools have turned upon the public a' far larger number of physicians than are needed; that the majority of those physicians are ill-trained and poorly educated, and that the demand Is not for more med ical schools, but for fewer and better ones; not for more ill-trained doctors, but for a smaller number of well trained ones, and that an end should be' put to the commercial exploitation of law and of medicine. We are sure that tbe people of this country believe In high standards in every "field of education. No well con ducted medical school or law school with good intentions should have any reason to fear publicity of its work and it Is gratifying to have the assur ance of those who are In a position to know that the medical schools and law schools of Omaha will not suffer seri ously by comparison with the best. After having cleaned up $12,000, 000 In wheat, James A. Patten haa an nounced (hat he Is ready to quit. If he does quit it should be noted In his tory that one American gambler knows when to let well enough alone at the right time. All the nations are eager to loan money to the Chinese yes, they would like to loan so much that It could not be paid back and that it would give them a right to foreclose. The University of Michigan haa the greatest number of living alumni of any American institution of learning, making an aggregate of 20,205. It would be rash to guess what the count would be Including aons and daugh ters by annexation together with the children, grand-children and greatgrandchildren. It Is suggested that some of the en tbuslusm manifested in the senate over the farewell address of Colonel Gordon of Mississippi was due to the fact that ex-Qovernor Vardaman had been beaten for the senatorial succession. These surface Indications are not al ways what they seem. The chain Is almost complete now, since Colonel Roosevelt announces that "fine luck has marked every toot of our progress through Africa." A certain distinguished Nebraskan would add that fine luck has marked every foot of Colonel Roosevelt's progress through everything. It Is now reported that the Swope estate assets amounted to $4,000000, but it must be remembered that the trial has been in progress for over a month. When balanced over against the liabilities incident to the trial tbe assets will look very much less than that by this time. If memory is not poor, it was the same Mr. Hill who said that unless the government lets the railroads alone we would come to "an end of the republic" er how about the ter minal facilities as provided by the railroads ' under ordinary circum stances? ' There Is one good thing about being a democrat In Iowa, a man can run for governor without having to make much of a campaign and come out Just as well as though be had spent a mil lion. The l.adjr of the Telephone. Baltimore Sun. There she sits, this lady of the telephone, calm, polite, like Patience on a monument mlllngf at Kago. From out tha wreck of matter and the ruin of worlds oomee undis turbed her even tones, "Number, please!" Science of Hate Making. Indianapolis New a. According to the general freight agent of the Southern Pacltlo, that road'a rate on railroad 'ties is 3 because the ties are ble to aland such a rate. Which, of course, Is good and sufficient reason aa such things go nowadays. somewbat Irregular. Washington Star. Democrat who (nslst that things , are brighter for their prty than they have been for a long time are liable to be called to account. The Idea that the democracy pan look up and be hopeful while Bryan Is away off In Houth America is most irregu lar. On av Profitable Baals. Baltimore American. Current railroad reports show that In dustry throughout the country la on a prof itable basts. The revenue of the carrier is dependent on the freight offered, and the Increased earnings Indicate plenty of profits for the capitalist and plenty of work for the man who wants It. Harbinger of Hprlag. Collier's WeekVy. ."The mud la In the street Let us all give three cheers for the mud," wrote Eugene Field.. Its two component elements earth and wnter we prefer separate. , Mud . haa Its credit aide. It offers mud bat ha. It s needed for the pies of children. Browning's Caliban used to Fprawl, now that the heat of day Is best, Flat on his belly in ths pit's much mire, With elbows wide, fists clenched to prop his chin And, while he kicks both feet in the cool up. Mud Is the harbinger of spring. PERSONAL AND OTHERWISE. U. March opened its jngagement ss gently aa the touch of an old beau. The Bprlng style of chanticleer headgear is voted awfully chlo and chicky. Lincoln Steffens is making forced marches to New Jersey to witness the operatiun on the beef trust. The spectacle of the. mother of trusts spanking her kids ia wortn going to New Jersey to witness. Penver women threaten to boycott the milliners unless the prices of hats are pulled off the mountain peaka. The mother of Battling Nelson wants him to leave the ring. Other impressive inducements have been offered. King Fdward wanta it clearly under stood that he will not for the present put his royal label on political medicine bot tles. James A. Patten, the grain plunger of Chicago, hue decided to cash In and re tire. Only the tinhorn class stick to the game until they are stranded. The national bureau of labor reports 90 per cent of the telephone girls unmarried. Their lines have been quite busy slnoe this singular information waa compiled. The last of the picturesque Knicker bocker life In Manhattan disappears with the passing of horse cars. This event pieces the big town a lap ahead of Ne braska tity. Kllmalnham Jail In Ireland, wherein Chailre Mtewsrl Farnell and his associates were confined In 1883 and the scene of Kllmalnham treaty, has barn shorn of Its glory and converted Into an Inebriate asy lum. Our Birthday Book march 8, 18X0. Charles F. Ounther, Chictigo's candy man, waa born March t, 1837. Mr. Ounther la a native of Qtrmany, and haa aerved several tlmea as treasurer of the city of Chicago. He was an Intimate personal friend of the late George W. Llnlnger of this city, whom he had several times vlsltrd. J)r. Charles W. Pollard, the well known phyblclsn offlclng tn the Branded building, was born March 8. 187, In Albany, N. Y, Or. Pullard graduated at Dartmouth col lege and later nt the College of Physicians and Suigeons. He gives ths Instruction in obstetrics In the medical departments of the University of Nebraska. Frank W. Corliss, president of the Water loo Creamery company, was born March 6, IMS, at Klchfleld, Vt. He served pine years aa county commissioner of Pouglaa county, and still has his farm at Waterloo. Charles Harding of the Harding Creamery company, was born March 6. 1SW, In Ftke county, Pennsylvania. Mr. Harding Is president of the Board of Education and interested in all the various business organ-Isatlona. --r Did You Ever Sec a Tired SHOP GIRL? Or a Worn Out ERRAND BOY? hsnglng on to th etiap In a crowded street rar Mffr m Vtttrrf Amv Inlnt often to S cheerless heme or to a miserable hell bedroom In a cheap boarding hotiaa? "VeeT" " Lots of them?" We thought so! We have all seen them" Couldn't iMppen to your hov or girl, though! No? That's what their Father mav have thotiaht. He 'stopped at thinking; about It. Didn't act when he rouM have bought the life Insurance policy which would have prevented It all. N"'f hla Boy ho haa bein robbed of the education which would have given hi an even stsrt In the world and ltla Olrl who as been robbed of her ohsni-e o a Home meaning everything to a young women have to pav tha price of that Father's neglect, or thoughtlessness, or Indifference, or caralessneaa. tcall It what you will, we call It criminal, the result , to the children Is the samei, and It s a heavy price and an unfair one, which they have to pay. Better take stock of your life Insnranoe. Is It enough? No? We thouaht not! Hand for Tbe Sqvitable X.lfe Aeenrejsoe Society man NOW TOPAT. You don't know, it may already be too late for you. to get laeae benefits: He will tell you: First I Whethei1 yea csn become a member of the Kiiultabi'' Society. Secondt How Utile it will coat to put an Equitable policy Lttween yonr boy and you girl and the 11-hour davl The Equitable Life OF THE UNITED STATES TAVJ. MOBTOJT. Fveeldent. "Slrongeal In trie World" The Company whloh pays Its death claims on the day It receives them, H. D. NEELY, Manager. Merchants National Bank Building, Omaha ASBOCIATI iOlHTS t , J. O. FHIKMrri, E, U. i-ICKARD, CI1ABLF3 Vl'f.TKR, Cashier. OKO. M. COOFEK. H. FAY NEFLT, W. O. KOMIO, ANTON LUNPSTROM, J. K. BECKMAN. SERMONS BOILED DOWN. He never succeeds who dare not fall. ' dome temptations may be Invitations to moral atheltlos. Discussing the plans usually delays the doing of the will. It Is a serious fault to know your neigh bor's faults too well. You cannot save the ship by throwing the compass overboard. The man wbe spread pessimism ought to go Into moral quarantine. There' something wrong with your faith If a need docs not prompt a deed. You can never find the divine In a book If you turn your back on the people. Some Christiana think they have a whole armor as aoon aa they buy a chevron. The man who does not know where he Is sailing always complains of the winds. The self-satisfied man ia seldom content w'ith little things in : any other respect. There la no such thing as divine service to you if you cannot make all service divine. Chicago Tribune. SECULAR SHOTS AT PULPIT. Pittsburg Dispatch: A New York min ister says that profanity Is on the In. crease. Well, some things cannn be helpd. Congress Is still In session. Philadelphia Ledger: A New York clengy man says that he never went to the theater in his life, but often has preached against such practice aa wicked. How does hs knowT Brooklyn Eagle: A boy of IS has been licensed to preach In a Methodist pulpit In tha New Haven district. In the lexicon of fame, which fate reserves for' a bright manhood, there Is no such word as fail, fit. Louis Democrat; Be v. "Billy" Sun day ia meeting with competition In the revival field. Borne of the members of the Evangelical alllapce, to whtch was referred, the resolution of the Methodist Ministers' association inviting him to St. Louis, offer another revivalist-who, they aay, can, do as much and as good work. We are not ad vised as to whether the opposition ia cut ting the price, but such situations as this In all money-making lines of business usu ally lead to the formation of a trust. DOMESTIC PLEASANTRIES. "This popular flotlon Is all bo-h In real life the girl's father seldom objects to the man of her choice." "You're wrong there. He often objects, but has usually too wise to ssy anything.'' Kansas City Journal. "I flatter myself on the . affairs of the day. I am always posted," proudly declared the nominal head of the house. "Humph!" observed his wife, "that is more than the letters are I give- you to mall." Baltimore American. "Who is that, very handsome woman In the exquisite gown?" "That's one of our It-aulng club women."' "And who Is the lovely girl with the peaches and cream complexion?" "8he's a prominent suffragette." Cleve land Plain Dealer. Husband I suppose you think you are one of thoxe wonin who never did a foollxh thing in their Uvea. . ' Wife Oh. no; 1 couldn't Ksy that. I married you. Baltimore American. -fieorge (making a call) Maudle, dear, the parrot doesn't seem to like me any too Listen To aV 1 The Boudoir Playor-PiohO- GREAT SUCCESS Here la a Player-Piano proposition within the. reach of th modest pocket, book a proportion Involving a Player piano worthy of the notice of thoaa f dB.Tlnf "Jl'rTa'fha'fart that It- QTXAXJTT I. not all In keeping with It mpdeHt PBOtOH or the X-IBtSBAZ. TIHMI upon whlchlt can he V-i'rchaa. TKF.AV ia AWOTHJUta EiriiRATIOg TOM ITS BXCn.TJIT VOW. TlOJt TM TBLP Of I.AYsVrAJtODOM a rssson that w want to lay before you personally. ' , Heru Is a strictly high grade Player-Piano that sella at a.jrlr no niftier than a good piano, and sold on terms no higher than those a good piano Is sold on. , Will vou let us explain this most remerkahle offer to you? We ere ex clusive, represontatlvea of TU WOsTDEJlTUI. BOUDOI VXATXR-riABTO. SOUS XrXJ)SXHTATXTXS A. HOSPE .',' ..""..'iMf Tr.rzr-7. GUCKERT & McDONALD, Tailors We are now displaying roost complete line 'of. foreign novel-, ties for spring and summer wear. Your early inspection is Invited, aa It will afford an opportunity of ibooalng from a large number of exclusive style. j We Import in "single suit lengths," and a suit cannot ba dupll-1 cated. An order placed now may be delivered at your convenience. 317 South Fifteenth Street ESTABLISHED 1837. Assurance Society PURE HIERAL SPRII3G WATER. Our firm haa for 20 yeara been hed-j quarters for all. kinds of Mineral Watenf We are carload buysrs and dlatrlbnterf' of several kinds and handle over 100 kinds altogether. We enumerate a few: Crystal Lithla (Koelslor Bprlng 6 gnl. jug .i . a.oo Halt Sulper Eicelslor Bprlngs) t gal Jug Was Diamond Ltthla Water, gal. bot 40o, I do $4.00 Bylpho Saline Water, qt. bottle ..... 880 1 dosen , Begent Water, Iron, ql. bottle . . . . . BBo 1 dosen W a Carlsbad Sprudel Wasser. bottle . 1 dosen t-00 French Vichy Water, qt. bottle 1 doien .84.60 Appolllnarls Water, qts., pts. and Splits at lowest prices. . . Alloues Magnesia Water, qt. bottle . 85; 1 dosen ,'.' H5 Buffalo Lithla Water, gal. bottle 'J 1 dosen caao ,.,..$8.78 Colfax Water, V gal. bottle . . : - Mo X dosen case- .W.oO Return alowance for bottlea and Jug- Delivery free in Omaha, Council Bluffs and Boutn umana. Sherman & McConnell Drug Co Corner 18th and Bodg Bta. J Owl Drug Co. ' 18th an Harney Bta. well this evening. What have I -done to offend him. - ,.--. The Parrot-Jack, am 1 the first girl you ever kissed? Chicago Tribune." "So there is to be a divorce," said the woman who discusses everybody: "H seems but a little wiiile sinus h asked her for her hand." "Yes," replied the rude man. "Hs, got the hand ail right. But It turned out to be a misdeal." ' ' t ' Wife The landlord was her today sThd I gave him the .rent and allowed him the baby. Husband Neat time he comes around,, just you show him the rent and give hlra the baby. Puck. . Mrs. Crlmsonbeak What are you going to). do with that porous plaster, John- v Mr. crtiiinonuuak I'm going tu ee wtist tune it will play on the pltiolA--tVonkis "Statesman." THE QUIET LIFE. ' Alexander Pope. Happy 'he man whose' wish and vs're' A few paternul acres bound, Content to breathe his native air Jn his own ground. , T" ' ' Whose herds with milk, whose fields with bread. X Whose flocks supply him with attire. Whose trees In summer yield him shade, In winter fire! Blest who can unconcernedly firid "V Hours, days and years slide soft awiy In health of body, peace of mind, Quit by day. ' Bound Bleep by night, study and tas Together unmixed,- sweet reersatlon And Innocence, which most does please With meditation. Thus let me live, unseen, unknown; Thus unlamented, let me die 4 Steal from the world and not a atone Tell w here 1 lie. - Tills: 1 ' U ay S 13-15 18 Douglai St. Omha 1