TIIIO HKK: OMAHA, WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 15, 1900.
The UMAiu Daily Bee
rorNorco nr eowaru iiobkwater.
VICTOR ROBE WATER, EDITOR.
Entered at Omiht postorflc as eond
ei matter
TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION,
rally Bea (without Sunday), ona yaar..$400
lally ) and Sunday, one year W
IiKLlVKKEI) RY CARRIER.
Ially Re (Includln Sunday), per week. .16c
Ially Ue (without Sunday), par week. .10c
Evening Be (without Sunday), per week c
Evening H (with Sunday), per weak.. .Wo
Sur.day Bee, on a year IJ-W
Saturday Bee, one year
Addreaa all complalnla of Irregularities In
delivery to City .Circulation Department.
OFFICES.
Omnha-rTha Bee riulldtna;.
South Omaha Twenty-fourth and N.
Council Bluff 15 Scott Street.
: Llnooln o!8 Uttle Hulldlne;.
Chicago IHH Marquette Hulldln.
New York-Rooms 1101-1101 No. M wait
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CORRESPONDENCE.
Communications relating to new and edi
torial matter ahould be addressed: Omaha
Bee, Editorial Department.
REMITTANCES.
Remit by draft, express or postal order
STATEMENT OF CIRCULATION.
State of Nebraska, Douglas County, aa.:
George B. Tcochuck. treasurer of The Bee
Publishing Company, being duly sworn
says that the actual number of full and
complete copies of The Dally. Morning.
Evening and Sunday Bee printed during the
month of November. 1909, waa Aa followa:
1
t
t ,
4
42.070 II 41,030
43.000 17 43,160
48,700 II 4X.H00
49,150 It 41,390
1 43,460
42,170
1 40,040
20 4190
jl 40,340
ti 4i,eo
j J 41,790
14 41.7M
5 41,700
I 43,940
I
.......
10......
. . . . 41.S30
. . . . 42,160
. . . . 4130
11 41,780
11 ,
49,860 27 41,610
11 41,730
14 40,100
16 41,800
l 40,400
29.... 41,650
0
41,990
Total , 1,959,850
Returned Copies........ fe48
Net Total'..... 1,943,005
Daily Average 41,766
GEO. B. TZ3CHUCK. Treasurer.
Subscribed In my preaence and aworn to
before me thla let day of December,
(Seal) M. P. WAUCKR,
Notary Public
Sabserlbera leaving; the oltf tem
porarlly aboald kT The Be
mailed to them. Addreaa will be
ehaaceal mm often aa requested.
But the frisky 'Frluco won't
getber lose night of Katy.
alto-
Mr. Shotwell'sv letter seems to have
stirred up tho court to resentment, at
least. ' '- ' V " . " ' V
' To bo strictly to date, the New
Year water wagon devotees should
speak of It as' tile aquaplane.
The Council Bluffs city council hare
decided not to give up their street car
passes. Old habits die hard. ,
. Now that army officers are forbidden
to buy- oil of the Standard, that old of
fender may begin to realize that gov
.ernmervt opposition Is no light matter.
, ' The American millionaire who has
been bound In Morocco because of his
atrocious practical Jokes evidently con
siders himself the edition de luxe of
Joe Miller's Jeet book.
That New York lawyer who pleaded
In court that his client was a "gullible
fool" Is not the first of the profession
to find himself In that fix. He is
merely the first to openly admit It.
The cashiering of an army officer
for petty robberies of the West Point
mess after a distinguished career In
the .service., in the far east indicates
that If a man has a yellow streak It la
bound to crop out.
The Incompetence of the local dem
ocratic ' administration was never so
well exemplified as in the condition of
the . downtown streets at present.
"Hobs'' Tom Flynu la surely making a
record on how not to do It.
r
If the threat to send the price of
broomtrcorn to fl apiece is fulfilled,
the manufacturers will find that the
broom corn crop is not half so short
as father, and that mother will be lib
erally ' excused from the sweeping
habit,,'
Those enthusiastic Georgians who
were wildly' chasing every man with a
black skin a day or two ago have sub
sided very potlceably since It was dis
covered that the crime was committed
by a white man. Does color make any
difference?
The robber who admits having held
up the cashier of a lunch stand and
four other similar crimes apparently
is eager to land In the penitentiary,
and the wheels of justice should be
greased a little la order to help him
realize his ambition.
Senator Rayner's Impassioned out
burst against Zelaya attests the fact
that ,Joan of Aro was tame compared
with our vn Maryland when that girl
gets her fighting blood up. The south
evidently would give the Nlcaraguan
roaieiactor snort snrut ir ne were
wltUn her borders.
t Mrs.. Margaret Deland argues that
the divorce evil Is the result of Indi
viduals seeking to be happy at the ex
pense of society and she denies them
the right. In her plea for the perma
nence of the family she has stirred up
a discussion which promises for awhile
to crowd the suffragettes out of the
limelight.
Omaha, perhaps, ought to have
street signs, but the proposition of
stenciling trt names on telephone
and electric light poles that happen to
ho aljacrr.t to the thoroughfare designate-!
eras to have about reached the
limit of absurdity. If street signs are
really necessary the city ought to pro
vide for them In the proper way.
Extension of Civil Service.
president Taft's recent order Includ
ing the diplomatic .appointments
within the province of civil service Is
a timely exemplification of Dr. Eliot's
point In his annual address as presi
dent of the National Civil Service Re
form league, that the extensions of the
classified service hare proceeded from
the executive rather than from con
gress. Dr. Eliot makes the significant
comment:
"It will be an Interesting and some
what unexpected development In the
working of the constitution If the pres
ident, elected by the whole people,
turns out to be ft better Interpreter of
the people's wishes and purposes In an
ethical and economic reform than the
members of the two legislative bodies
elected by states or by districts."
The reason for this congressional
latlty as compared with executive vig
ilance Is probably traceable to' the fact
that generations of congressmen were
so long closely related to the spoils
system, a system which. Dr. Eliot re
ports, now Is covertly manipulated by
the bosses, the machine politicians and
their tools.
The successful operation of civil
service in many governmental depart
ments has enormously advanced faith
In the republic among thinking people.
As Dr. Eliot remarks, the public now
thinks of government service, "not as
a charity, or as affording a livelihood
for Incompetents, or as a means of pay
ing and feeding the henchmen of politi
cal leaders, but aa a great business or
ganization for doing efficiently and
honestly large pieces of business which
the people want to have well done."
Extension of the service Is now pos
sible through executive order, In na
tional affairs, but Dr. Eliot and his as
sociates would carry it further, to in
clude municipal matters. Particularly
strong Is his feeling that a merit sys
tem is necessary to "reform the ex
traordinarily unjust and ineffectual
methods of taxation," which he con
siders "injurious to the national In
dustries." He would have assessors
and other officials concerned with tax
ation selected and retained for their
knowledge of productive tax adminis
tration. The same Idea he would carry
Into all municipal matters, In order to
put American city governments on a
business basis. -"It is only In this
way," he argues,, "that tho civil serv
ice In American communities can be
brought to the condition of a lite ca
reer Which well-qualified young men
can enter with the intention of devot
ing themselves to it for life."
This turning of the league from na
tional to municipal agalrs manifests a
determination to conquer more worlds,
and while cities will hot be ready to
welcome the Interference of Dr. Eliot
and his fellow advisers, it is manifest
that there is life In the old league yet
and that civil service reform is not
content to rest on Its record of achieve
ment. ' '
Being a Good Neighbor.
While Central American jingoes are
seeking to make aggressive capital
against the United States out of our
attitude towards Zelaya, let the peo
pie of those republics be not deceived,
but instead turn to the evidence of how
excellent a nelghhpr we are to any
well-intentioned country In need of our
good offices, as given in the report of
the Dominican customs receivership.
Under the beneficent administration
of the United States bureau of Insular
affairs, the Dominican revenues have
been put on a business basis, the pay
ing of Installments upon the debt to
this country has been regularly accom
plished without any burden to the peo
ple and for two years .the affairs of
that country have . known . unaccus
tomed stability and prosperity. .
So gratifying Is the American ad
ministration to the Dominicans that
the receivership has been solicited to
revise the entire fiscal and tariff sys
tem of the republic, and under United
States guidance a measure has been
perfected that promises to remove op
pressive features of existing laws,
while at the same time providing ade
quate revenues. Central American
observers are invited to study the re
sults In the marked Increase of trade
and higher standard of living designed
by this neighborly national receiver
ship. A Menace Within the Navy.
Whatever, of sectionalism still lives
in this country is customarily mani
fested by the east against the west, and
In view of the facta of the case the
westerner cannot but conclude that the
recent criticisms against the1 battle
ship Nebraska are Inspired by eastern
animus. On the Atlantic the vessel,
has been consistently regarded as an
Intruder, because, forsooth, It Is not
the product of the jealous eastern
yards. Its record was a clean one in
Paciflo waters, where It exceeded Us
contract speed despite the fact that it
had Inferior fuel instead of the picked
coal used in Atlantic tests, it was a
prize winner in maneuvers and target
work and won admiration all along the
line in Its trip around the world. Sea
soned officers said they never had
known a finer vessel, or more thor
oughly enjoyed life or witnessed more
harmonious and effective discipline
than on this model product of the
Puget sound. ' - -
Yet what happens when ' the Ne
braska Is assigned to the Atlantic
fleet. It fell, atrangely, from high to
low grade In the matter of target prac
tice, and Lieutenant Mac?, ordnance
officer, openly accused officials of put
ting up a job. Macy was court
martialed and acquitted. In justice
his charges should then hare been fol
lowed up; Instead he was transferred
to recruiting work Inland and appar-
ently, no effort was made to Improve
the order of things aboard tho war
ship. Now the same naval officials who
sidetracked the man who dared to
speak up are In control of the Investi
gation of the collision between the Ne
braska and the Georgia. Advance
Judgment In the east fastened the
blame upon the Nebraska, and It was
proclaimed as a "hoodoo" ship. The
Nebraska represents an InveaCment of
millions of the people's money. 'It was
accepted by the government after the
moat rigid tests, more severe, Indeed,
than are customarily applied to the
products of the Atlantic seaboard. It
has demonstrated Its capabilities In the
Pacific. The campaign against it in
other waters looks very like discrim
ination and la worthy of the attention
of the head of the Navy department.
It Is high time to rid the service of any
such antagonism. A fleet divided
against itself is in peril from a foe
more insidious than foreign guns.
Street Railway Service.
The report of the city council com
mittee Indefinitely postponing the ordi
nance to reduce fares In Omaha will
not be a serious disappointment to the
public. It Is probably true that some
reformation In local street railway
service Is required, but at present the
more urgent needs of the public are
not summed up with the demand for
cheaper rides. The Omaha Street
Railway company gives rides of much
longer length for 5 cents than any
steam road would possibly do, and with
the transfer system in vogue this
feature of its service is not to be seri
ously complained of. It Is true that
a few other cities furnish street rail
way transportation at a lower cost to
the public than does Omaha, but it will
be found upon Inquiry that conditions
In those cities are very much different
from those prevailing here. The ele
ments that enter Into the problem
there are all in favor of the lower fare
proposition. In Omaha a great many
things in connection with the street
railway service might be improved be
fore the fare is reduced. The needed
improvements can only be had through
the company's prosperity, and to cur
tall Its gross income by the reduction
of fare Is certain to postpone the bet
terments. If the city council will de
vote its control over the street railway
service to the matter of securing more
trains on the lines, especially at the
rush hours, so that the public will not
be subjected to the terrific packing
that now prevails, arid some similar
reforms, it will accomplish much bet
ter results than by wasting Its time on
the reduced fare proposition.
Personal Eights in Photography.
The elminatlon of President Taft
from a moving picture would not be a
matter of comment If the public had
not become so accustomed to the mod
em -habit of photography, a habit
which has become so general as to de
generate into a nuisance. Newspapers
are in a measure to blame for this, for
the Indlscrimlnatlng ones miss no op
portunlty to smother their pages with
nauseating repetitions . of familiar
faces. Thus, when the president comes
to town, we have pictures of the presl
dent getting off the car, into his car
riage, bowing from the carriage, tak
ing his hat off, putting it on, smiling,
smiling more, looking at the mayor,
looking away from the mayor, speak
Ing, keeping still and so on through
all the delsarte attitudes for repose,
remorse, happiness, grief, , anguish,
laughter and sublimity. Truly, we
have all gotten Into the way of surfeit
ing ourselves with films, till we are in
danger of blunting our fine sense of
the niceties.
Secretary Wilson's order can in no
wise be construed as a censorship.
Rather it is the assertion of a personal
right and an official propriety. Mr
Taft's friends were within the preroga
tives in preventing a moving picture
from being exploited about his per
sonality, and made the subject for
familiar comment, if not for jest, In a
mixed assemblage. We should all re
member that there is a dignity and
even a eacredness attaching to the
office of president of the United States;
the cancellation of the presidential
photograph was a proper tribute to
that high functionary.
In other countries royalty goes fur
ther and commands with a high hand
In England a short time ago some
one snapped King Edward in a group
into which a notorious actress had ob
truded. From the negative the figure
of the actress at once was blacked
out, so that the shop windows were
filled with prints showing a mysterloua
shadow, distinct, but unrecognizable
From this Incident has grown a sin
gular fad, and now the country Is
flooded with all sorts of group photo
graphs of notables with one Individual
dimmed Into a ghost. Thus a regal
whim has been cultivated Into a pecu
liar pastime, and out of it has grown
a substitution for the word photograph
of the slang nomenclature, "Guess
Who?"
When Robert Louis Stevenson de
scribed the conditions of life in the
steerage between Europe and America,
people of thla country viewed his dis
closures as containing the bias of
Britisher and the exaggeration of
writer of romance. But what shall
they say to tho revelations of the offi
cial agents of the government who have
filed their reports In Washington de
scribing shameful conditions as they
experienced them while traveling in
the guise of emigrants? It la manifest
that some of the transatlantic lines are
still' treating not only men but aluo
helpless women as so many cattle and
that the barbarities of steerage life
are in some respects verily unspeaka
ble. Inasmuch as It Is apparent that
the offending lines will not reform ex
cept under compulsion, It Is high time
that we enacted legislation forcing the
recalcitrants to bring their steerage
accommodations for and treatment of
emigrants up to a standard of cleanli
ness and decency.
The two extremes of personal and
social endeavor met In New York when
the president, devoted to Idrals In ad
ministering the duties of the highest
office in the land, met and talked with
the habitues of a Bowery mission,
where the lowliest had gathered to
manifest their sincere desire toward
uplifting themselves and neighbors
from discouraging conditions. The
president's simple, straightforward
homily must have stirred all the man
hood In the breasts of his listeners to
a renewed sense of their obligations In
life. .It was the heartfelt speech of a
man talking on the level to his fellow
beings.
The public may consider itself just
ifiable In promptly wanting to know
how a rear-end collision Is possible on
a railroad pretending to be flrst-claes
and operating under a block signal
system. Is the wreck of a New York
flyer another case of deliberately run
ning past signals to maintain schedule?
American, railroads have yet to learn
well- the lessons of safety first and
speed afterward.
The Interstate Commerce commis
sion has made an order concerning the
fare between Omaha and Council Bluffs
which will stop what has generally
been considered an Imposition. After
February It will be possible to ride
from any point in Omaha to any point
in Council Bluffs for one fare plus the
5 cents bridge toll. Now, if the bridge
toll could be wiped out!
Prof. Parker . of Harvard, who
evolves the theory that woman Is less
sensitive than man, and that the dainti
est woman has no more emotional
sense, in the purely scientific view,
than her pet cat or dog, can count on
having stirred up the liveliest animal,
not In the whole menagerie, but In
man's menage.
Profeaaoraf Sore I
Charleston News and Courier.
A Nebraska oourt has decided that
barbers are not common laborers," but
are professional men. ui. courno, cydijt
one of them has a chair.
Joy of the Mlxap.
Chicago Tribune.
"The question promptly arises," says the
Omaha Bee, "what Is the knead for a
bankers' combiner' The answer suggests
Itself with equal promptness: "Dough."
Good Conduct. Abroad.
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Good Americans abroad should so con
duct themselves that they can at anv
moment rely "upon Uncle Sam's prompt
Interference lii' their behalf when trouble
clouds the hdrlion. 1 '
Consolation for Pessimists,
, Washington Herald.
Cheer up!, What if breakfast bacon Is
five times aa high In price aa It was ten
years ago? Does not the accommodating
and kind-hearted grocer throw In the rind
nowadays at exactly the same price as the
meat?
Who Sprunar'the Rivets!
New York Sun.
It Is said that the effect of the collision
forty miles off the south Atlantic coast be
tween the battleships Georgia and Ne
braska "was not serious, only a few rivets
being sprung." It was serious enough,
however, to warrant a thorough investiga
tion to determine In whose seamanship
some rivets were sprung. There is plenty
of room In the aouth Atlantic.
COMING INTO FAVOR.
Spread of
the Taxation Policies
Henry Georsre.
of
Springfield Republican.
It Is a pity Henry George could not have
lived to see fills day of rapidly widening
recognition 9? the soundness of hla land
taxation views." That the land monopllst
should at least share the unearned Incre
ment with the community which creates It
la a proposltlpn' now coming Into general
acceptance Iff Germany and Great Brit
ain and Into a larse degree of favorable
recognition In the United States. Thus at
a conservation conference recently held at
St. Paul "YQun's Jim" Hill of the Great
Noithern railroad urged the higher taxa
tion of lands held out ot usa as a whole
some measure. The Great Northern com
pany possesses tueh lands which It will
sell to bona fide settlers on almost any
terms, but to speculators on no terms. Still
he advlBed tax discriminations against Idle
lands. The Chicaeo Public, an advocate
of the George doctrines, regards this as
little short of sensatloi al, considering Its
source.
PERSONAL NOTES.
A Chinaman has won the Ten Eyck
junior prize at Yale. Yellow and blue la
the color scheme of a starry flight, with
yellow for the stars.
Tho aubscriptlons for the portrait of
Orover Cleveland, to be placed In the
executive chamber at Albany have jow
reached the sufficient amount of f 1,200.
A. 8. Colllnston of Wentweod. N. Y.,
took an automobile trip In hla $l,!no m.v
chine and after he had collided with a
truck sold the outfl1. for 10 because he
I
A Gotham policeman knocked a man's
Jaw Into place by clublng his chin. Atford peopc a ch0lce of two services of
there are many other Jaws out of order,
this newly discovered chin treatment aeema
timely and advisable.
The Clarkscn family of Potsdam, N. Y.,
has solved the servant girl problem at
least once. Mary Ann Tecs who died the
other day at the a'o of SO, had been
servant In the family for slxty-fmir years
and had saved $10,000 from her wagoa.
Dr. Koch, the bactorlologlat, has reported
the successful experiments made with cnts
for the eradication ot rata in plaguo-ln-fected
and plague-menaced harbors of
China. In Hongkong orders have been is
sued providing for the maintenance of one
rat in every house.
In handing to the kaiser, In person, the
gold medal of the Hudson-Fulton celebra
tion. General Stewart L. Woodford of New
York, will extend to his majesty the as
surances of our most distinguished con
sideration and incidentally demonstrate
that he himself is only 74 years young and
qualified for a great variety of ceremonial
mlsslona.
Arourtd New York
klpplas en the Current of 1.1 fe
a Been la the Oreat mertoaa
Metropolis from Say to Day.
An Impressive vindication of Governor
Hughes' course In striving to reform the
Insurance department of the state comes
from the scandalous looting of the Phoenix
Insurance company of Prooklyn. During
his first term Governor Hughes sought to
remove Superintendent Kelsey from the
department. Kelsey was shown to be In
competent and In suspiciously high power
with the Insurance companies. The state
senate rejreted the governor's recommen
dations and Kelsey held on. The removal
of the lid from the Phoenix mess shows
that Kelsey 'a deputy superintendent, Rob
ert H. Hunter, borrowed J0,000 from the
Brooklyn concern, repaying all out 118,000
of the loan. Another subordinate borrowed
$61,000 and paid back all but $9,000, which
was charged off as "legal services." Other
officers dipped Into the Phoenix pot for
less sums. The revelations confound the
political enemies of the governor, and ex
torts from the New York Sun a scorching
roast for the blockheads of the state re
publican machine.
Eugene Higglns has leased the southeast
corner of Broadway and Nthety-flflh
street to Max Marx for 999 years. To pre
serve the lease In Its exact form his law
yers had It transferred to a lithographic
atone. These atones are about three Inches
thick. They do not shrink and If rubbed up
occasionally by an experienced transfer
man the picture may be preserved Indefi
nitely. It Is a revival of the old Idea of
Moses when he had the Ten Command
ments engraved on unshrinkable stone
guaranteed against the weather and
changes In temperature. The lease Is prob
ably the first Instance of an out-and-out
agreement to rent a piece of real estate
In this city for so long a time, and while
no figures are at hand as to what rent
Mr. Higglns will receive annually, Leopold
WelV.the broken who negotiated the deal,
said the rental, for the 909 years would ap
proximate between $25,000,000 and $3 ,000,000.
Unlike leases for similar terms, this one
has no provisions whereby Mr. Higglns will
be enabled at a given period to step In and
buy whatever Improvement may be made
upon the plot at the appraised value. Mr.
Marx, during his lifetime, will have sole
control of anything he may put upon the
land, and hla heirs, or whomever he may
designate, will have the same privilege. By
the terms of the lease there Is to be a re
appralsement every twenty years, and with
every adjustment the amount of the rent
to be paid will be determined between the
principals.
A Wall street commuter who was con
versing with a friend suddenly looked
scared, cut short his speech and began to
go through his pockets.
"Whafa the matter? Watch pinched?"
asked his friend.
The other, with a sigh of relief, pulled,
out a slip of paper. "I'm all right, now,"
he said, "but was afraid I had lost It. It
la Order of the Day, No. 1," he further
explained. "Issued from headquarters of
the commanding general each morning Just
after breakfast." He showed it to his
friend.
"Quart of apple butter; chlckon, five
pounds, and not an old hen; celery. If not
over 10 cents a bunch; telephone to furrier
about my coat; one bottle of Roach's em
brocation; socks for yourself; price the
eggs in Washington market." ,
"Errand boy or pack horse," mused his
unmarried friend as he moved thoughtfully
away.
In the days of Hobson and Dewey, said
Webber to Fields, "But he's a hero!"
veil," said Fields, "he vunt be a hero
long."
The small boys on the East Side who
are thirsting to be heroes, are not enter
taining fears as to future eclipse. The
things they are after are permanent emolu
ments, and honor from their urchin people.
wot an automobile passes along the
crowded thoroughfares without its ac
companiment of eager-eyed small boys,
who uupo io see some one run over, so
that they may assist at detection and ar
rest, and enter the hero class.
A scond case of this sort, and the pre
sentation of a gold medal by the National
Highway Protective association, bids fair
to increase the labors of the truant offi
cers. The boys are Inclined to cut school,
ana go out after medals. Still, one must
award praise to little Arthur Lewis. When
tne machine ran down a man and started
away at full speed, the men and women
on the sidewalk began to dance and yell.
Arthur whipped out his pencil and on the
margin of a newspaper he was carrying,
Jotted down the number of the machine.
"Why did you do It?" asked an admiring
friend. i
"Me foil de medal," said Arthur with a
grin.
Attorney General O'Malley of New York
state has moved against the so-called milk
trust In New York City and Albany, and
the supreme court has appointed a referee
to Investigate the charges. The Inquiry Is
designed to determine the causes for an
apparent wide discrepancy between the
price paid . to the producer and that
paid by the consumer. Officers of
the consolidated milk exchange of
New York City and several other large
milk companies will be required to appear
for examination with their records and
books. The charge Is that the prices paid
the producer and charged the consumer ere
"arbitrarily fixed" end that t:e action of
the members and stockholders In raising
the price of bottled milk from 8 cents to 9
cents "was a conspiracy to unlawfully and
Illegally advance the price," made possible
by their alleged monopoly at the supply.
One State Checks the Merger,
Philadelphia Record.
The telephone und telegraph merger has
encountered an obstacle. It Is a Michigan
law which the supreme court of the male
dicllnes to suspend. "For nr. ore than a
quarter of a century," says the court, "the
leplslatura has seen fit to keep separate
these two lines of activity." and It
th .. the cart of th
affirms
to al-
Independent ownership." Certainly this is
a matter which every state Is entitled to
regulate for Itself.
schools.
Send For Our
Big Free Book
"CO
yetr. I.ri1u'. take hn It..! rank.
flit, ft.hcH ktiat.ih.r .nvwl'.rt.
Wl h. v. mnoyn)Ufm w th htvh
MUriei l"f (Ki, w.H ifil grailu.
lec Will kj, Am. tr puihtu4.
LIKCOLH tUlmltl OOLLIO
SO B.r.h tjh Lln.i. H.k
Railway. Hail Examination
Tha einnlii..jn fur tba lUllwar Mali BrYii! will
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SMILING REMARKS.
"And now, said the teacher, "we come
io Germany, that Important country kov
crned by a kaiser,
ommy Jones, what
Is a kaiser?'
"Please, ma'am, a kaiser is a stream
of hot water spriiiKin' up an' disturbln'
the earth." Everybody's.
Crusty Artist That picture gives you a
better impression, madam, if you look at
It from a proper dlsiai-ce.
Mre. Chilltcon-Kearney I hardly think
so. Distance can only er lend the en
chantment, you know. New York Sun.
"How did Jobblua come to be such a
logical and unanswerable debater?"
"by force of habil. Hi wife always
makes Mm put down the carpets, so he
knows how to floor nls opponent and keep
him nailed down." Baltimore American.
"The artists' models In Paris have struck
for lilxlier wages." i
"I don't blame 'em," answered Mrs. Mi
Gudley. "The pictures prove thai the poor
things aren't paid enough to buy clothea."
Brooklyn Kajjle.
Wareham libng What'd you Bay ef
Rockefeller wus to give a million dollars?"
Tuffold Knutt Tanks! Chicago Tribune.
Redd Did his aeroplane cost him much?
Green Kour weeks In the hospital.
Yonkers Statesman.
The peasant was overjoyed when ho dis
covered that his Koose was laying golden
egK. For it was winter. '
"I can pnint them up and sell them for
hen's ettBs!" he exclaimed, visions of un
told wealth rising rosliy before him. Puck.
"I want a little legal information."
"Go ahead."
"If an automobile runs over a man who
fault Is It, the pedestrian's or the driver's?"
"One moment. Were you in the auto
mobile or In tho street?" Washington
Herald.
This Is a very exciting scene. That or
derly with dispatches has Juut dropped
from a war bulloon."
"Whit Is that fleecy Btuff he's brush
ing off?"
"Bits of cloud." Kansas City Journal.
She How far can your ancestry be
traced?
He Well, when my grandfather resinned
his position as cashier of a county bank
Ijy tKe Author of
the CIRCULAR &TAIRCCSE!
MAN IN LOWER TEN
From which the
play "Seven Days"
was made
A Clever, Sprightly, Humorous Mystery Novel
Fifty Illustrations, Many In Color, by Harrison Fkher and My Cunker
At all Booksellers The LOBBS-MERRILL CO., Publishers
The above book and all other late publications f or 'sale by
If
E BEWWETF- COMPANY-
This Book and all the other new Publications
on Sale at
Braodeis Stoics
Book Dcpurtmcnt
1S2
Illastrstloa m''iirm
shows popular w-Jf
No. 71 Dial. j 'l ,
For full particulars, rates, tickets, descriptive Illus
trated booklets and sleeping car reservation address -
P. W. MORROW. N. W. Pass. Agt., CHICAGO
J. E. DAVENPORT, Dlv. Pass. Agt., ST. LOUIS
they traced him as far as China, but he got
away. Pittsburg Observer. " '
Wigwag Henperkke says he doesn't often
drink, but when he clous he always haa to
huve a chaser.
Guzzler Meaning his wife, I suppose.
Philadelphia Record.
"lie Is suffering terribly. Ills teeth aro
locked up tightly."
"Heavens, Is It lockjawf"
"No, they're In a stife and he can t eat
anything until lie gets them out." St. Louis
Star.
THE WELL BELOVED ENEMY.
Blakeney Gray in New York Sun.
I know a chap who's used me 111
Almost since I was born.
He's put my name to many a bill
And trouble most forlorn.
In school he's coft me endless woe,
Too many here to tell,
And yet in spite of all. d'ye know,
I love htm mighty well?
; ;..! t J-! t- V.f,l4 K,l .V
Ho had me spanked when I was ten
For something that he did.
As I look buck upon lilm then
He was a fearful kid.
He said mean things about my dad.
The little ir.filil.
And yet there was no other lad
1 cared fur quite as well.
In college he on mischief bent '
On me put all the blame.
No matter where that villain went.
For men 'twas quite the same.
He had the fun, 1 got the hook,
In all things that befell.
And yet by some queer mental crook
I loved that fellow well.
The girl I loved he went, and wooed.
And wed her, and today
Is fatlKT of a lovely brood'
Of kiddles blithe and gay.
His are the glances of her eye,
His is the blissful spell.
Ytt spite of all I cun't deny
I love him Just as well.
I know full well his weaknesses.
The strange twists of hla mind.
And yet there's something In me says
lie's not h half bnd kind,
And though he's boen un enemy
Beyond all parallel,.
The time has never ceased to be
When I have loved him well.
Who Is ie? Well, come hither while
I whisper secretly
I fear h's name will make you smile
It's ME!
Mary Roberts
Rineiiarl's
NEW NOVEL
Chuckles and grins s
Chuckles and grins
"When a Man Marries"
Is the Novel that wins.
"New York, will laugh at It for montha."
M K. Trttutti.
"Lively, clean, amusing." Af. Y. Herald.
"Catches on like a house aflre.'' '
S. Y.Sun.
" 'When a Man Marries' la so lolly that
it would make a srouch anitle like a
Billikco." , Clevtland Lsadtr,
"When Solomon made his sweepinr
aSKertioD that there was nortiini new
under the Run, be had not read 'When
Man Marrica.' " bnllimort Sum.
