Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, October 24, 1909, EDITORIAL, Page 4, Image 12

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Remit by draft, exprena or postal order
payable to The Bee Publishing Company.
Only l-cent atampa received In payment of
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Omaha or eastern exchanges, not accepted.
State of Nebraska. Douglas County, as.:
(Jeorge B. Tischuck, treasure or The Bee
Publishing Company, being duly sworn, says
that the actual number of full and complete
copies of The Dally. Morning. Evening and
Sunday Bee printed during the month of
Neptemher, mn. was aa followa:
1 41,970
t ...41.800
I 41,710
1 39,900
6 43,140
7 41,9'iO
1 43.000
' 41,840
19 43,300
11 41,790
12 40,000
1 43,140
14 43,870
1 43.190
SO 43,480
21. , i 43,850
it 43,350
II 44,840
H 43,030
If 43,310
it 40,300
27 43,080
21 43,870
29 43,300
10 43,340
Total i,aee,3ao
Returned copies 9,885
Net total ., 1,886,393
Dallysvsrsgs 41,879
Subscribed In my presence and aworn to
before me tins Ulli day of September. 1909.
. (Seal) . M. P. WALKER,
Notary Public.
? Subscribers tearing the rlty tem
porarily ahaald have The Bee
mailed to them. Address will be
chanced aa oftea aa requested.
j Marvelous how quickly a base ball
'fan can be converted Into a foot ball
Tbat dead man may or may not be
Schlatter, but It's a good name to bury,
Of course, those distinguished Japa
nese at the Harvard game cheered for
the Browns.
,The frequency of recent fatal rail
road wrecks must Indicate a jealousy
of the mortality of the foot ball season.
That Mrs. King on whose 1,600,000
acres the president t was entertained
may fairly be considered a land queen.
. Young patriot! of Louisiana put a
llye 'possum In the mall for President
Taft, and now the mall is in the 'pos
sum. By the time we get all the inland
canals built that the waterways people
are planning, Old "Earth will look like
a map of Mars. '
Is it not time for some of the break
fast food manufacturers to come forth
with a concoction named igloo, be
cause it's so glootinousT
. In the controversy over the smoke
nuisance the Illinois Central is willing
' to go in for coke, but Chicago threat
ens it with Blackstone.
Although the Danish cabinet re
signed because of lack of confidence in
the government, there is no sign of any
Danish lack of confidence in Dr. Cook.
Mr. Bryan's Commoner la profuse
with sympathy for recalled Minister
Crane. Mr. Bryan always sympathizes
with every republican supposed to
have a grievance.
The unarmed American who stran
gled a leopard to death, as so graph
ically described by Theodore Roose
velt, demonstrates that there are Sam
ton in these' days.
' Every little while Count Bonl stirs
up the old Gould trouble Just to re
mind the public that there is such a
person. 1 he only knew how much
more his silence would be respected!
i -
And now Mr. Peary Is electing Mr.
Rasmussen to membership In the An
anias club. Pretty soon he will be in
flating that nobody but him has been
on the Ice since the days of Eliza in
"Uncle Tom's Cabin."
When It comes to the Hon and lamb
act with the Women's Christian Tem
perance union and the Anti-Saloon
league taking ' the leading roles, the
question Is. Which will play the lion
and which' will play the lamb?
Mrs. Belmont thinks that American
mothers do not give enough personal
time to their children, inasmuch aa
the average mother gives up twenty-
four hours a day to the little ones,
with her mind on the bahy In. the crib
or the croupy child In the next, room
even while she sleeps, it is in order for
Mrs. Belmont to arrange for a read
justment of the almanac.
The mayors of Illinois cities are
willing that those municipalities that
wish the commission form of govern
ment may be accommodated through
aa enabling act of the legislature, but
none of them teems to want the com
mission plan forced by wholesale.
Future developments doubtless will
make many of them glad that they re
served the right of refusal.
Union Pacific' Hew President.
The people of Omaha and Nebraska
are more directly Interested in the per
sonality of the president of the Union
Pacific than in that of the head of any
other railroad that -serves this terrl
tory. It needs no demonstration that
the Union Pacific must be relied on
more than any other In the farther
development and upbuilding of this
section. The fact that Omaha Is ' the
eastern terminus of the railroad, and
likewise the city of Its official head-
quartern, also makes It Important to
us to have a man directing its policies
who appreciates local conditions and
the needs of the people along the road.
The election to the presidency of
the Union Pacific of Judge Robert 8.
Lovett is evidently the ratification of
the choice made by Mr. Harrlman be
fore he dleand President Lovett will
naturally be pected to carry forward
what are calleU t,he Harrlman policies
in the operation and "expansion of the
properties over which Mr. Harrlman
presided. While we regret that Omaha
and Nebraska are not yet as well ac
quainted with Mr. Lovett as we were
with Mr. Harrlman when he took
charge, we have good reason to ex
pect the administration of President
Lovett to continue to seek co-opera
tion with the public In general, and
the patrons of the road in particular,
and to avoid as far as possible all un
necessary friction and antagonism.
While we would like very much to
have the president of the Union Pacific
offlclng right here in the Omaha head
quarters, the probability Is that the
new president will follow the same
course as did Mr. Harrlman of main
taining the operating center here and
the financial center in New York, with
periodical visits and tours of Inspec
tion. President Lovett had the full
confidence of Mr. Harrlman, and that
in itself commends him to those who
admired the thoroughgoing way In
which Mr. Harrlman handled the road
during his regime. President Lovett
has a great opportunity, which all of
us sincerely hope be, will fully meas
ure up to.
Heroes and Mothers.
"You may fire when you are ready"
comes out of the dramatic and historic
past as one reads of the death in
Washington of Mrs. Ann Eliza Gridley
at the age of 84, for this good and
venerable woman was the mother of
one of the heroes of Dewey's famous
victory In Manila bay. Latterly she
had been a quiet and efficient worker
In the government service at the capi
tal, where she held a modest desk in
the land office, but In her younger
days she had been able to demonstrate
that she, as well as her son, possessed
an heroic nature, for on the battle
fields of the civil war she was one of
the foremost In ministering to the
wounded. In all her career as a nurse
she had constantly in her heart the
feeling that as these men among whom
she tolled needed her . care so might
her eon 'require a woman's presence,
for he waa enlisted -and at the front.
Captain , Gridley went Into the
Manila battle a Blck man, and his ulti
mate death was from the strain and
shock of that .engagement. The
mother lived to witness the nation's
plaudits for her boy, and despite the
loneliness of her closing days 8he
doubtless inwardly rejoiced that the
sacrifice of his life had been In the
service of his country. She was the
true mother of a true and unassuming
hero, and her passing serves to remind
a busy world that only such mothers
bear such sons and that the hand that
rocks the cradle is assuredly the hand
that shapes the destinies of men and
The Ubiquitous Auto.
Although prone to use linguistic
CannonlsmB concerning the automobile
when its speedy swing round a corner
barely misses making one a jugger
naut victim, or when Its raucous voice
stirs up heart disease within the hu
man breast for the benefit of the medi
cal profession If not for the under
taker, still the motor car steadily
whizzes onward in its mission of ad
vancement for the Interests of man
kind. What, in combination with the tele
phone It has become in the rural dis
tricts, has just been demonstrated in
the case of the farmer's child whose
life was-. saved by the breakneck ride
of a physician over eleven miles of
country, roads which a horse could
never have covered In time. This Is
a striking but not an isolated case it
is daily multiplied In practical experi
ence, and is merely cited here as an
Illustration of the fact that the auto
mobile has established its fitness to
meet emergencies where formerly con
ditions of isolation were apt to prove
fatal. Given good roads and the tele
phone, and the automobile brings the
blessings of civilization to the dwell
ers In remote" places.
Another signal feat of this modern
auto vehicle is witnessed in the suc
cessful work in the cotton fields. The
southern planter, with his 5,000,000
blacks pulling out the fleece of the
boll by hand, has often wondered
whether this plucking could be done
by machinery, and at last hia dream
seems about to be realized. The cotton-picking
automobile, with Its many
arras reaching out and clutching the
snowy product, must amaze the pick
aninnies who formerly helped to do
the work, and doubtless many of them
will wonder where their future living
is to roiae from. But the history of
manufactures is tbat the introduction
of machinery means a larger product,
with Increased opportunity for labor,
and the cotton-picking automobile may
be the means of enabling the planters
to grow and harvest more cotton and
to provide for larger mill production
and cheaper prices to the public.
At any rate, the automobile Is dem
onstrating Its utility, and that In fields
which would have seemed strange to
contemplate a few years ago. In Its
widespread endeavor it has become
obiqultous, and wherever it has poked
its ugly horn and redolent atmos
phere it has come to stay.
Future of the Filipiuo.
While the practical world Is apt to
look upon the annual gatherings at
Lake Mohonk as merely a vehicle of
expression for somewhat impracticable
theories, still the Mohonk discussions
often offer a likely suggestion for the
solution of grave problems; and one
strong ray of light of the last week
was the outlining of the possible fu
ture of the Filipino.
From the statements of such inti
mate observers as Colonel Harbord, as
sistant director of the Philippines
constabulary,' it appears that there Is
in the islands no such demand for po
litical independence as some would
have us believe. On the contrary, the
average Filipino is shown as possess
ing no political ambition except to be
assured of a stable government tbat
shall iet him alone in the pursuit
of his domestic happiness. For the
Filipino of the masses is a home-loving
body, we are told, and cares for
nothing so much as family content
ment, to cultivate which he desires to
be let alone at his work. Like most
heads of families among. other peoples,
he shows a civilized desire for the edu
cation of his children, and the Ameri
can schools are providing to meet this
want as far as possible.
In the educational development of
any native character, there is no dan
ger of eliminating the sterner metal,
though it may be softened, and those
who have studied the Filipino at close
range are confident that as he becomes
more enlightened he will still retain
all of his original stability, one of his
remarkable features. As In the case
of the Japanese, it is' believed that
with the awakening will come Indus
trial development, and in the cultiva
tion of that the absolute elimination
of political interest.
In brief, the best studied observers
are convinced that by the time the
Filipinos are developed Into that con
dition which the original promoters of
the self-government Idea considered as
the test for Independence, the natives
themselves will Insist not upon divorce
from American control, but, Instead,
will indicate a choice of relationship
with the United States similar to that
of Canada or Australia with the Brit
ish empire, not desiring separation,
but realizing that definite independ
ence would result disastrously. .
Whether, when such time comes,
the people of the United States will not
prefer to follow the original intention
of severing all ties and letting the
Filipinos" work out their own destinies
along the lines drawn by this country
for their guidance and security, re
mains to be seen. The Filipino prob
lem is being settled, not by one nor
by several Mohonk conferences, but
by the logio of practical events; this
particular conference, however, has
given as illuminating a picture of how
these events are shaping as has yet
been presented for the people of the
United States to look upon.
Adventures at Home.
Every little while some chronicle of
passing events reminds us that there is
no need to explore faraway wilds fcr the
exploits that thrill, because right here
in America is abundant opportunity for
all the excitement of the most intensely
dramatic sort. A case in point Is tbat
of the family lost amid the blazing
sands of a desert in California, their
horses dying from thirst, and father,
mother and children wandering away
into the wilderness, there to perish
miserably unless rescued by the min
ers who providentially came upon
their trail.
Mention desert to the easterner, and
his mind Instantly reverts to the old
world, because his early education and
his later literature has made the word
desert synonymous with the African
Sahara. And the name is associated
with poetio and tragic episodes, and
one Is apt to give the desert lta far
eastern characterization of "the gar
den of Allah." But nowhere in litera
ture or in life can there be a more
dramatic or more tragic adventure of
the desert than this story of today of
a brave little household faring forth in
a hazard of new fortunes and meeting
the tortures of hunger and thirst in an
arid waste of the United States.
The whole world thrilled to read the
narrative of Dr. Cook, in his quest for
the pole., No less graphic and no less
an appeal to every human sentiment
and Instinct, is the plain tale from the
San Diego country. In their wander
ings the family came within five miles
of the life-saving waters of an irriga
tion ditch, but by some freak of fate
were headed off in another direction.
And the miners, trailing them over the
sweltering waste, could read in the
footprints how the little feet of the
children- had wavered, and how the
elders staggered along with the added
burden of their bodies, and how more
and more frequently the entire house
hold had to drop In their tracks and
rest for another stage. All the pathos
of bodily suffering was delineated to
the experienced miners taking up the
march of relief..
Did they arrive in time or too late?
A novel, reasoned out by the author in
advance, would have told, and he who
wished might turn to the end of tha
book and discover when .his patience
became too sharply tried. But the
drama in real life does not read ahead;
one may look into past pages but not
into the future. And the wires carry
the story of today, with no prophetic
vision, so tbat the laconic record of
the facta la all the more blood-stirring
and nerve-quickening because of its
Incompleteness. And the newspaper,
with lta current events recorded up to
the moment that the presses must
start, conveys the day's comedy and
the day's tragedy, In all Its intimate
Intensity, to the reader so that he who
has alert mind may feel the grip of
life's close touch In every fiber of the
printed word. Fiction has no parallel,
books of travel in far lands have no
counterpart, to the pulsations of real
life about us every day. Not the least
of life's dramas are the adventures at
home, if we but focus our vision upon
A Complete Defense.
To the charge made by the Fort
Worth Record that Mr. Bryan, through
his newspaper, the Commoner, is try
ing to cash in the political prestige ac
quired as the candidate of his party for
president a complete defense is made
In the current issue of Mr. Bryan's
paper. Quoting from the Commoner:
It la true that Mr. Bryan has been
three times the candidate of his party,
and he knows of no honorable occupation
In which he could be engaged where ha
would not be benefited pecuniarily by the
acquaintance and fame that the nomina
tions bestowed; but must a man who has
been the candidate of his party be re
tired from all occupations, from labor of
every kind and from remunerative em
ployment merely because Rome enemy will
accuse him of using his position for
gain? If Mr. Bryan la not debarred from
active work because of his having been a
candidate, the next question Is, la the
newspaper business a legitimate field? He
assumes that It la not only legitimate,
but that It is the moat appropriate field
In which he could work.
Those who criticise Mr. Bryan for
making money out of politics shut
their eyes to the unique position which
he holds. No other candidate of the
democratic party has ever run for pres
ident three times and been three times
defeated. Only two other men have
ever been three times defeated for the
presidency as the duly nominated can
didates for their respective parties,
namely, Henry Clay and Eugene V.
Debs, and if Clay and Debs failed to
take advantage, of the "acquaintance
and fame that the nominations be
stowed," it is really their own fault
The mistake which Mr. Clay made was
in not writing a book after the first
battle and starting a newspaper after
the second, and Mr. Debs has been al
most equally negligent.
It is wrong to assume that the prob
lem, "What shall we do with our ex
presidents?" is the same as the prob
lem, "What shall we do with our ex
candidates for president?" If It were
desirable to disbar ex-presidents from
work they would be placed upon a pen
sion sufficient to "take care of ; their
wants and to maintain them in the
proper station, but to pension all the
ex-candidates for president would be
out of the question. It was given out
from a source near the seat of power
that, had Mi7. Bryan been elected last
year, the Commoner would have been
discontinued, because it would have
been Impossible to publish a newspaper
for whose utterances a president would
have been held responsible. So long,
therefore, as the people have refused
to put an end to the Commoner by put
ting its editor in the White House they
must be taken to have Indicated a pref
erence to have Mr. Bryan enjoy bis
editorial diversion in spite of the fact
that it is profitable.
The Family Servant.
An American housewife, reading the
traditional English novel, usually
sighs covetously for such servants as
the story depicts, old established, un
obtrusive, faithful in their duties, de
voted in every way to their employers'
Interests, to the end. She reads of
these seemingly ideal conditions, and
then the apparent hopelessness of the
American servant problem confronts
her. And she is apt to resume her
home affairs with the philosophic re
mark, "What's the use?"
From merely asking "What's the
use?" one American householder has
undertaken to find out. Of course
he is a man, or he would not so en
thusiastically embark in an undertak
ing which has outwitted so many com
petent wives. This visionary husband
has grown weary of inquiring, "Where
is the old-time servant, the kind you
read about, who was a family fixture
and an heirloom to the second genera
tion, who shared the family's inter
ests, its fortunes, and finally, often
times, its burial ground?" He has
determined to discover her. And
when he has found not only her but
him, for he has need of several such
servants of both sexes, in the operation
of his estate, be proposes to demon
strate that the old-fashioned servant
Is as possible today in real life as
she is in the pages of the story-book.
This may sound, like a hopeless
quest, and is apt to remind the Jest
ing public of Diogenes and his hunt for
the honest man. But the readiest
Jester will wish the investigator suc
cess in his search, for many a house
hold long has yearned for Just such
a servant, though hope was long since
The truth of the matter probably
Is that the extinction of the old-fashioned
servant in this country has been
brought about by the extinction of the
old-fashioned home. Masters and
mistresses no longer treat their serv
ant as was done in the old days al
most It not altogether as an equal.
We are all familiar with the argument
of the girl or woman that she can
make better wsjes and have better
hours in other fields of usefulness
than in the work of the household.
She who desires to do housework gen
erally prefers to do it for herself
rather than for hire, and until she
marries a man whose Income compels
her to render such service on her own
account she ordinarily seeks opportun
Ity In factory, store or offloe.
The old-fashioned servant Is not apt
to be found in any large number, and
the rare occasions where she is found
are apt to be on the basis of working
In an old-fashioned kind of home, for
the old-style family, where old-fash
ioned ideas of the treatment of serv
ants will prevail. Each home, how
ever, still has the opportunity for sat
Isfactory service, provided the crisis
of wages can be overcome, if each
member of the household will consider
the servant as a human being, and if
that servant can be discovered who is
proud of doing good work as a serv
ant. The girl or woman who takes
sufficient pride in her work Is apt to
find a mistress who will take adequate
care of her.
Three regents of the State unlver
sity are to be elected in Nebraska this
year constituting half of the entire
board. The university has grown, and
prospered, and elevated its standards
under the management of regents
elected as republicans, and at the same
time has been kept free from the in
tmsion of politics, which was not
the case when the democrats had con
trol. The people of Nebraska who take
Just pride in their state university may
be relied on to see that its interests
are properly protected in the coming
A group meeting of state bankers
representing sixty banks in the eastern
part of that state has declared the
Oklahoma bank deposit guaranty law
a failure. A year ago we were told
that all the state bankers in Oklahoma
were unanimously enthusiastic for the
scheme. - Something must have hap
pened down there to work such a
quick change of sentiment among the
very folks who were said to be the
Note that the democratic plea for
non-partisanship is a plea for the elec
tion of democratic candidates. The
political history of Nebraska falls to
record a single instance where the
democrats ever supported a republican
candidate for supreme Judge, even
when the defeat of the republican can
didate would have made the court sol
idly democratic.
If the United States really has a
nure food club to use on trance
against any attempt to precipitate that
long-threatened tariff war, the con
sumer of existing imported impurities
would not object to its being brought
into play. ; -
Those federal judges who handed
down the decision in the Nebraska de
posit guaranty case do not seem to
take offense at what Governor Shal
lenberger has fulminated about them
They evidently consider the source.
The Absent Brother.
Indianapolis News,
During the Yorktown celebration, how
ever, there waa a notable absence of the
descendant of the late Lord Cornwall!!,
who played an exceedingly Important part
In the original ahow.
A Neatly Arraaared Schedule.
Washington Post.
The schedule of the Central American
Revolution league appears to be much bet
ter arranged this aeaaon than usual. There
are no games on In the other countries to
conflict with the Nicaragua dates.
Peculiarities of Pension Rail.
Springfield Republican.
The government's pension roll In thin
ning, but the coat continues to Increase.
Such la the glat of Commissioner Warner's
annual report. The preaent yearly charge
upon the government la about $162,000,000,
and It not likely to become less for many
years to come.
Sura of His Footing.
Boston Herald.
Edison Isn't the first big man to be scep
tical about tha working value of air navi
gation and to prefer to keep his working
energy tied to the ground. Nobody will
complain If tha celebrated inventor makes
his theories of a low-priced houaa of con
crete so practical that "the socialists won't
have a leg to stand on " But that's a big
Tha Hsrrluaa Fortune.
Charleston New and Courier.
It seems that there was a mistake in
the first estimates of the fortune left by
Mr. Harrlman. It la said now the Mrs.
Harrlman's fortune is about $267,000,000. The
Income from this must be at least $10,000,000
a year or about $1,000,000 a month. Practi
cally all of this vaat aum waa made by
Mr. Harrlman In the last ten years of his
life. Ia It possible that the services of any
man can be worth ,OQO.O0Q a year!
Reasoning; Declared Sane and Conclu
sion Logical.
New York Commercial.
In the federal district court of Nebraska
sitting at Lincoln two judges. Circuit Judge
Van Devanter and District Judge Munger,
have Just concurred In a decision declaring
the state law compelling all state banking
Institutions to contribute to tha deposits
guaranty fund to be unconstitutional, null
and void. Nebraska was one of the first
states to enact such a law, Its basic prin
ciple being the enforced contribution by
every bank to a common fund for paying
the depositors of failed banks. The two
Judges In tholr decision hold that this is
depriving one person or Institution of his
or its money to pay the debts of another
and that It Is taking such money without
due process of law, thereby violating tha
constitutional guaranty of rights. Tha
state, which was the defendant In this suit,
will appeal from thla decision to tha United
States supreme court. Tha ruling appears
to be logical, sound and altogether reason
able and Is In strict accordance with the
predlctiona by many bankers and lawyers
that the compulsory deposits-guaranty laws
would never stand the constitutional teat
when once they got before tha federal
courts. It appears to be aa plain as a
pikestaff that a bank that proteatingly
and against the wl! of Its officers Is com
pelled by law to draw money from Its
vaults for tha payment of another bank's
obligations Is having lta constitutional
rights violated. Exactly how tha stats
expects to defend such a law before tha
United States supreme court Is not easy
to Imagine,
No ono dies of spiritual Indigestion from
swallowing hia spits.
The larger the heart the mora It feels the
power of little hands.
The surest way to an empty heart Is to
nurse an envious mind.
Flattery Is simply a way of boasting of
our power to fool others. ,
The more a man knows the le.s he la
ashamed of his Ignorance.
The religious life Ik the only way Into
the knowledge of religious truth.
The people who ate going nowhere are
always In a rush to get there. v .
Pome wia talk with urwfsau on working
for sinners are but working the saints.
Life Is likely to lose all humor when you
get Into the habit of ridicule and cheap wit.
lis who believes only In the things ha can
see never sees anything worth believing In.
It la easy to plug your enemy full of holes
when you make him out of mud and set
him up before you In a sermon. Chicago
Boston Herald: A Methodist church In
Atlanta Is equipping Its new building with
roof adapted to airship landings. We
should have thought this sort of thing
mora fitting for the Duxbury form of belief.
Charleston News and Courier: That Pres
byterian student who denied the Inspiration
of the Bible managed to get ordained all
right, but now that he wishes to have a
church he finds himself called to aland trial
for heresy. A man with his nerve ought to
be able to stand anything.
Baltimore American: Now a New York
minister says that women's Intemperance In
drink, smoking and dress is destroying so
ciety. For the number of times It has been
destroyed In a similar way at different
periods society must have a resurrection
power on tha gunmetal order.
St, Paul Dispatch: The Kansas preacher
who left the pulpit because, he said, no
man could earn an honest living as a
preacher for the reason that ha couldn't
hold a pulpit and denounce the pews as
they ought to be denounced, mud who took
place aa conductor on a atreet car, has
quit ringing up fares. Perhaps he found the
temptation to "knock down" greater than
he could resist. At any rate, he has gone
Into that occupation for which the entrance
examinations appear to be In no responsible
hands he has left his Kansas atreet car
and gone east to be an evangelist.
New Tork Sun: It is a new and curious
feature of political campaigning In New
York City for politicians to spout from,
church pulpits. For years, though, many
clergymen have preached political sermons.
which as masterpieces of misinformation
wars not squalled In any other clime.
Whether tha politicians In their pulpit talks
tell all tha truth, for they certainly know
It, is quite another matter, if a few years
ago even the Idea had been advanced that
machine politician should speak from a
pulpit there would have been, In the opin
ion of those who have mentioned this new
and curious feature of New York City
campaigns, universal objection, on the
ground of Its approach to the sacrilegious.
If you would be in on the ground floor,
brush up the annual refrain: "Do your
Christmas shopping early."
Lady Cook Is not going to butt Into her
namesakes troubles. She deals in hot stuff,
canned for tha tyrant man..
Chicago is enjoying one of those rare
falls 'when 'the " smoke clouds of the. lake
front are not obscured by polltioal smudges.
Before tossing bouquets at our Justly'
celebrated brand of Indian summer It
would be wise to hold off a few until all
the goods' ars delivered.
Anyone closely following the dally va
riations of New York stumpers is predis
posed to believe the assertion of a sci
entist "Man in his makeup Is a gasbag."
Owing to the strike of the pie bakers
New York's dally ration of pie fell away
from 100,000 to (.000 platters, undivided. Is
it any wonder that the campaign Is fierce?
With our justly celebrated up-to-date in
stitutions of learning, It Is surprising why
none of them have annexed to the, carto
giaphlo department the famous Profs.
I-took-a-shoo and Ah-pe-lah. Their ac
quisition would ba tha hit of the season.
Managers of the Seattle exposition
planned wisely and well In building perma
nent memorials of the event. Twenty-eight
of the buildings and all of tha trees and
shrubbery have been preserved for the use
of the University of Washington. Beyond
portion of the ground dedicated as a
park Omaha has no memorial of the Trans-
mlsslsalppl exposition.
The Pastor (dining with the family) Ah,
yes Brother Bmlthers It is the little things
of this life that count!
Little Willie (In a loud whisper) Maw
that's the sixth biscuit he's took. Chicago
"Oh, doctor, ha growled so savagely I
waa sure he was mad even before ha went
on In such a biting way."
I beg pardon, madam, but is it your
large dog or your small pet one you are
speaking of?"
"ww, doctor, it len t my dog I am talk-
about; It's my husband." Baltimore Amer
ican. "How much amused Mrs. Plnkleton seems
to be over her husband's stupid Jokes."
xes. it s the only way she can get a
new hat out of ths brute." Cleveland
Rudyard KlDllns alandered woman bv de
fining her as "a nr and a bone and a
hank of hair," but a Lonaconlng lady,
seven years married, gets back rhythliul-
Monday Morninc to the Firat One Call
ing at the A. HOSPE Co. Store In Quest
of a New Piano Will Offer a Brand New
$275 Piano for $115
This piano Is a new, up-to-date, upright piano of a late design,
with handsomely carved and fluted pilasters, trusses, mouldings and
panels. Case rigidly constructed, and beautifully double veneered la
genuine mahogany. Full size, height 4 ft. 9 In., length 6 ft. 2 In
depth 2 ft. 4 In.
Seven and one-third octaves; three strings in unison and over
strung bass; nickel plated brackets; pedal guards; hammer rail and
continuous hinges. Three pedals, repeating action; iron frame, cov
ering wrest plank and built up pin block. Continuous musla dealt
and folding fall board.
Fully guaranteed for 10 years.
We are western agents for Mason & Hamlin (the Stradlvarlus of
pianos) Kranich & Bach, Hallet & Davis, Kimball, Bush & Lane,
Cable-Nelson, Krakauer, Cramer and the Apollo Player Piano (the
original 88 note player).
1513 Douglas Street
We Do Expert Piano Tuning ana Repairing
"The EnnllBh Old-age Tensions
,up to December 81, 1908, wer.e
given to 696.028 persona, coBtlng
at the rate of 7,4B0.315 per an
num, or over 136,000,000."
Think f it 60CV
000 persons in England
all advanced in years
practically dep e n dent
on the Government for
support and there are
probably thousands f
others in needy ld age
not in r e ceift of a
Human nature is the
same the world over,
and it is the tendency
of men and women to
leave the future unpro'
The Equi t a ble will
create a fund for your
old age by means. f
easy quarterly pay
ments during your
prosperous years. Ab
solute security Per
manent protection.
PAUL MORTON, President
0. D. NEELY, Manager
Merchants National Bank llldg.,
Omaha, Nebraska,
MursiuLXi wild pmicm LIST.
We aell over 100 klnda Imported and
American Mineral Waters, and, aa ws ob
tain direct from springs or Importer, can
guarantee freshness and genuineness.
Boro Llthla Water, bot., tOcj cane, f 5.00,
Boro Llthla Water. Dints., doxan. il-fioi
case 100, $10.00.
We are distributing agents In Omaha
for the celebrated waters from Excelsior
Springs, Mo., and aell at following prices)
Regent, quart bottle, iCc; dozen, 12.261
cane, 60 bottles, (8.00.
Hulpho-Sallne, buart bottle, 5oi dosen.
$2.ilo; case, 60 bottles, $8.00.
Stilpho-Sallne, quart bottle, 25e dosen,
Soterlan, quart bottle, 0o; dosen, $2.00.
Botcrlan, pint bottle, 16c; doren, $1.60.
Soterlan Ginger Ale, pint bottle, 16o
dosen, $1.60.
Soterlan Ginger Ale, quart bottle, 6c
doxen, $2.25.
Diamond Lltha, half-gallon bottle, 40oi
caae, 1 dosen, $1.00.
Crystal Llthla, five-gallon .Jugs, each,
-.Halt Sulphur, five gallon jugs, each,
Delivery free to any part of Omaha.
Council Bluffs or South Omaha.
uxxmmmjk Moooicirui.1, smua oo
w J 6th and Bodge.
OW1 DXDO CO, leto.nd XameT.
cally with thla synopsis of a man: "A Jarf
and a drone and a tank of air,"--Sprlng-field
Republican. ' .
"And," said the judge as he looked se
verely at the prisoner, "you claim to ba a
seer?" .
"Yes. your honor." .
"You profess to be able to see Into the
future, do you?" , .
"I do." K
"How long have you had this power? 1
"I have always had it." i
"Are you married?"
"I am."
"Then It Is evident that you are an In,
poster. No man who could see Into ths fu
ture would ever get caught that way,-
Chicago Record-Herald.
Robert Louis Stevenson..
Dear lady, tapping at your door
, Some little verses stand.
And beg on this auspicious day
To coma and kiss your hand.
Their syllables all counted right.
Their rhymes each in Its plaoa.
Like birthday children, at tha door -V
They wait to sea your face. -df
Rise, lady, rise and let them In H
Fresh from the fairy shore. '
They bring yyu tha things you wish ti
Each iu lta pinafore.
For they have been to Wishing Land
This morning In the dew,
And all your dearest wishes bring?-.
All granted horns to you.
What these may be, they would not tell
And could not If they would; .
They take the packeta sealed to yw
As trusty servants should.
But there waa one that looked Ilka love,
And one that smelt like health
And on that had a Jiagllng sound-
I fancy it might ba wealth.
Ah, well, they are but wishes still
But lady, dear, for you
I know that ail you wish la kind,
I pray it all come true.