4
THE OMAHA-SUNDAY BEK: ' PECEMTVETl 22, 1D07.
3
i i
Tim Omaha Sunday Per
FOrNDED BY EDWARD KOSEWATER.
VICTOR ROSBWATEIl, EDITOR.
Entered at Omaha PostoKlce W second
class matter.
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1 - -
STATEMENT OF CIRCULATION.
Slate of Nebraska, Douglaa County, ss.!
Charles C. Kosewater. general manager
of The Bee Publishing Company, being
duly sworn, cays that the actual number
of full and complete copies of The Dally,
Wornlnir K von Ins- ami Hunday Bee printed
during the month of November, 17, was
o follows:
1 37,000 1 3''430
I 87,680 17 9,450
5 35,600 It 38,180
4 37,220 1. 37,430
S 39380 29 37,090
6 39,690 21 38,970
-. 37,820 22 37,300
, 37,840 2S 37,380
1 37,890 21, 3,100
10 85,900 25 37,590
It. 37,530 2 87,090
12 37,730 27 37,340
13 37,380 21 38,940
14 37,360 29 39,690
16 37,500 19 37,690
Total 1,133,430
Less unsold and returned copies. 10.16R
Net Total 1,113,38a
Dally average 37,108
CHARLES C. ROSE WATER,
Oeneral Manager.
Subscribed In my presence and sworn to
before me thls2d day of December. 19U7.
ROBERT HUNTER,
Notary Publlo.
WHEJT OUT OP TOWH,
Subscribers leavlm tke city tem
porarily should ktre Tk Be
mailed to them. Address will bw
eaanged as oMea as re nested.
Speaker Cannon ia in favor of tariff
'revision of the tnanana brand only..
A Boston man, 90 years of age, says
be never ate a meal In a restaurant
That may explain it.
In other words, Mr. Bryan is willing
to pardon the gold, democrats for hav
ing been right in 1896.
"There are two Rooaevelts," . says
Chancellor Day. Perhaps, but there
Is only ono Chancellor Day.'
"Is it possible to live on an income
of 6 cenu a day t" asks- the Boston
Globe. Depends entirely . on , your
credit. '
Mark Twain now gets 33 cents a
word for his writings. The publishers
at least appreciate Twain's cents of
humor.
It might have helped Jamestown a
little if the fleet had sailed for the
Pacific before the close of the exposi
tion box office.
Mr. Taft went through a storm at
sea unscathed and expects to go
through another one in Ohio with no
;,' more serious damage.
The new census gives Cuba a popu
lation of 2,028,282. The country has
about that many kinds of trouble and
Is trying to raise more.
A New York actor has "invented a
flying machine. He must want to be
prepared for emergencies when his
road company strands in Nevada.
Whatever the outcome of the Stoes
sel court-martial, the Russian govern
ment stands convicted of incompetency
in its conduct of the war with Japan
It is said that the president has four
sew wrinkles in his forehead. The
president has shown the country a
good many more than four new
wrinkles.
Senator Jeff Davis says he loaths the
smell of coal oil. Senatorial courtesy
will demand that Mr. Davis be given
a seat as far as possible from Senator
Bailey of Texas.
"George Washington and Abraham
Lincoln could not fill the position of
president today," says Rev. Dr. Mc
Arthur of New York. Certainly not
H la a one-man Job. ' ,
The mining shark is probably al
ready bnsy in preparing a new line of
prospectuses and experts reports for
the visitors to the democratic conven
lion at Denver next July.
Speaker Cannon has ordered that
none but good cigars be smoked in the
house lobbies. That may be one
reason for adjourning the house until
the Christmas, supply la consumed.
With renewed assurances of dlstin
gulshed consideration for the proof
reader, it ia announced that Vera
Pedprovna Kommisearjewkeya, an eml
aent Russian actress, has signed an en
1 gageinent for a tour . of the United
States.
The balance of trade in favor of the
United States .for' the eleven months
ended with November wtt $385,405,-
6J0. ., This more than offset the. gold
carried to Europe during the season
by tourists and returning laborers and
will be Increased as the products of
the American larta find their way to
Uie European consumers
CAUSE ANT EFFECT.
The cause and effect of the recent
panic has already reached the rnaga
t'ne stage of dlscupRlou, iu which diag
noses and remedies are freely offered
by political doctors and scientific stu
dents. Naturally this discussion, which
Is only beginning and is sure to con
tinue in increasing volume, will contain
much that is puerile If not ridiculous,
and at the same time much that will
furnish food for serious thought and
suggestive reflection.
All authorities practically agree that
the causes of the panic are much
deeper than the mere surface indica
tions that they go to the bedrock
of our industrial organization and in
clude psychological factors entirely un
governable by man-made law. Too,
much speculation, too much extrava
gance, too many wars, too much pro
duction, too much organized labor, too
many trusts, too much thievery in high
places, too many swollen fortunes, and
a host of other things in too great
plenitude, are pictured as the sources
of industrial unrest. The on striking
note is the almost universal consensus
of opinion that the currency shortage
is only an incidental feature, which
may have aggravated the disease, but
could not have produced It. The. sus
pension of specie payments byy.he
banks is put down generally as an
effect rather than a primary cause and
it is agreed that the resumption of
specie payments, while it may help,
cannot he a complete cure for the
depressed Industrial patient.
When all the plausible causes of the
commercial break-down' shall have been
thoroughly threshed over the most en
lightened verdict will in all probability
be that it is the culmination of a com
plicated set of ' inter-dependent and
inter-worklng forces and factors and
that. Instead of being curable by some
single panacea, the regeneration will
have to be brought about by equally
numerous and co-operative . restora
tives, in combination with the steady
ing lapse of time.
MORE PLAFINO TO THE OALLKR1KS.
In a voluminous opinion over the
signature of the deputy attorney gen
eral, and replete with such Johnsonian
expletives as "short weight parasites,"
"peculations," "trespassers," "cheats,"
the deputy food commissioner of Ne
braska has been officially informed
that "In my opinion your interpreta
tion that the contents, weight or meas
ure must be correctly stated oA the
outside of food packages sold in Ne
braska is in harmony with both the
spirit and letter of the pure food law."
With this certificate of authority the
deputy food commissioner will rele
gate to, the courts all manufacturers
of food products who believe their
rights have been denied, and inasmuch
as several prosecutions under the law
are said to be pending it is probable
that a Judicial interpretation will be
had in the due course of time.
The interesting part of the Johnson
ian epistle la contained in its horo
scope of the intent of the legislature,
which ia responsible for the enactment
in question, as follows: .
The evil against which the pure food leg
islation was directed Is the publlo and pri
vate Injury. Inflicted by dishonest methods
In the sales of foods. One of the inten
tions of the legislature In passing the pure
food act was to put a stop to such prac
tices and thus promote the publlo welfare
and protect honest manufacturers and mer
chants from the dishonest competition of
unbranded secret packages of foods.
To carry' out this laudable purpose
we are told the legislature inserted in
the law this provision defining when
the food packages should be deemed
mlsbranded: .
If sold for use In Nebraska and In pack
age form other than canned goods, con
tents, weight or measure are Rot correctly
stated on the outside of the package, rro
vided, however, this provision shall not ap
ply to packages put up by the retailer. In
thu case of liquids ether than medicines, if
the true quantity In container thereof Is
not correctly stated thereon,
See how, under the interpretation
by the deputy food commissioner, this
legislation Is calculated "to put a stop
to dishonest methods in the sales of
foods."
In the first place, the law applies
only tq packages put up for sale in Ne
braska. Nebraska manufacturers may
cheat and short-weight people living
outside of Nebraska as much as they
please, but for Nebraska consumers
they must label contents correctly.
In the second place, canned goods
are exempted. A food package in a
sealed tin may cheat or short-weight
the buyer to its heart's content, but if
put in a pasteboard Jacket it t once
falls beyond the pale of the law.
In the third place, this guaranty of
honesty does not apply to the retailer
at all. The retailer may put up short
weight and deceptive packages to suit
his own convenience, while the whole
saler or manufacturer who does the
same thing becomes a criminal and an
outlaw.
In the fourth place, an exemption
Is made in case of liquids, providing
they can pass under the guise of med
icines. It is perfectly proper to use
high-bottomed bottles to cheat a cub
tomar who is sick enough to ask for
medicine. , but it is law defiance to
short-measure a customer who Is well
enough to ask for food.
The laudable intentions of the pure
food law manipulators a'nd the high-
minded patriotism of the deputy food
commissioner are, of course, to be con
ceded. These carefully prepared dis
criminations for the protection of the
public would indicate, however, that
there Is method Jn the madness of the
pure food crusaders, who are playing
to the galleries as valiant champions
of vtt'Umlxed innocence against the
merciless meat packers, conscienceless
cracker bakers, cupldinous confectioi-
ers and other piratical food package
makers.
THE QOLVFIELt) FIASCO.
Governor Sparks of Nevada has been
rebuked properly by the president of
the United States for his clearly un
warranted demand for federal troops
under pretense that they were needed
to suppress a threatened outbreak on
the part of the striking miners at Gold
field. Regardless of the merits of the
controversy between the miners and
the mine owners, the president's
course shows his determination to re
sent being imposed upon for the bene
fit of either side to an industrial con
flict.
The troops were pent to Goldfield
on the representation by Governor
Sparks 'that a situation existed which
was b,eyond the power of the state or
municipal authorities to control. After
the troops had been In camp for ten
daysN without finding any reason for
their activity, the president notified
Nevada's governor that they would be
withdrawn unless further) cause could
be shown to Justify their retention.
Receiving no response to this notifica
tion from Governor Sparks, the presi
dent ordered the troops withdrawn.
The Incident is significant as show
ing the responsibility that rests npon
state officials in asking for the assist
ance of federal forces for the preserva
tion of ,law and order. ' Representa
tives of the government who have been
investigating conditions at Goldfield
report that no disturbance is threaten
ing at Goldfield which the state au
thorities should not be able to control.
In other words, the unwarranted ac
tion of Governor Sparks furnishes evi
dence of his failure to appreciate his
responsibilities as governor and the
duty of each state to supply police pro
tection to its own citizens.
Public sentiment Is undoubtedly
against the use of federal t.'oops in
state affairs, except in times of direst
emergencies. At the same time this
sentiment will support the most dras
tic action by the . government . when
really required for the preservation of
law and order and thfe protection of
lives and property. This necessity
clearly did not exist at Goldfield and
the president's prompt action in with
drawing the troops on discovering the
true facts will make other governors
go slow before asking for federal help
without first exhausting all their own
resources.'
RUSSIA'S MOCKERY OF FREEDOM.
The czar of Russia, through the
operation of his secret courts, has
furnished another Illustration of the
hollowness of imperial promises of
freedom of thought and action to his
people. With the third Duma in ses
sion and offering measures in apparent
opposition to the plans of the imperial
advisers, twenty-nine members of the
second Duma, dissolved because it
incurred the czar's displeasure, have
been sentenced to terms in Siberia
varying from six to twenty years, most
of them going to hard labor in the
mines as political convicts.
The iniquity of tho proceeding, as
it appears to the outside world, lies
In the trials held in secret. The mem
bers of the Duma were charged with
conspiracy to overthrow the existing
government and set up In Its place
a republic. These charges, .originally
made by the imperialists while the
Duma, was tn session, were investi
gated by a committee of prominent
lawyers, representing all of the politi
cal factions of the empire, and reported
unfounded. The evidence was that the
Duma members were in favor of the
establishment of a republic or a limited
monarchy, but proposed to accomplish
it through the right of ballot and not
by forcible revolution. This testimony,
however, was not allowed to be pre
sented at the secret trial, the result
of which was the conviction of the
prisoners, and where none but mem
bers of the trial board and the prose
cutors were allowed to appear.
In face of such sardonic miscarriages
of Justice, the czar continues profuse
in his protestations of affection for his
people and prodigal with promises to
extend the rlsht of franchise and
enlarge the liberties of the people.
The door of liberty is opened only
wide enough to show the glistening
Imperial bayonets behind It and the
people are notified that they may enjoy
the privileges of free thought and ex
pression only so long as they think
and speak as the czar wishes.
WARNING AOAlNST EXTRAVAGANCE.
Chairman Tawney of the bouse com
mittee on appropriations serves notice
on congress and the country that one
of the greatest problems before the
present congress will be to keep appro
priations within reasonable bounds
and avoid overrunning the probable
receipts for the coming fiscal year. He
declares thut the estimates of the
needs of the various departments of
the government, if adopted by con
gress, would create a deficiency of
something like $83,000,000 for the fis
cal year ending with June, 1909, and
he urges, accordingly, that appropria
tion bills be prepared early and care
fully pruned as much as possible. A
Mr. Tawney is following a long line
of distinguished precedents in issuing
this warning at the opening of the con
gress session. Speaker Cannon, who
was for years at the bead of the com
mittee on appropriations, Issued a lit
erary masterpiece along the same lines
at the opening of each session and be
was not the originator of the plan.
Each head of a Washington depart
ment appreciates the situation, looks
tor the warning and prepares hia esti
mate accordingly, with the full under
standing that they will be cut from
20 to 30 per cc it, so that in the end
the department gets about what is re
quired for its legitimate needs.
For political as well as financial
reasons, the party leaders will natur
ally make an effort to leave a record
of economy at the close of the present
session, but this cannot prevent appro
priations that in the aggregate will
appear to be mountain high. - Legis
lation enacted by recent congresses
and warmly approved by trie people
demand the expenditure of large
amounts of money. This applies to
the Panama canal, the new navy and
the irrigation work. It Is particularly
true, also, of the railway rate law, the
meat inspection law, the pure food law
and other measures of that character
affecting the interests of all the people.
The business of the government is
growing rapidly and the Increasing ex
pense of its maintenance is natural
and unavoidable. Mr. Tawney's call
for economy is timely, but It must stop
short of cheese-paring economy that
would result in crippling the public
business or prevent proper prosecution
of enterprises under way. The people
do not criticise appropriations for
legitimate purposes. Their protests
are reserved for recklessness and ex
travagance. k
PASSING OF THE BOARDING HOUSE.
A writer in a recent number of
Charities and Commons presents some
apparently well authenticated statistics
to prove that the old boarding house,
the kind that has been patronized,
criticised, ridiculed and loved by those
compelled to live without homes, is
passing away and being replaced by
the rooming house. The entire trend,
according to this authority, among
those who have no homes of their own,
is to the furnished room, leaving the
boarding house made famous by the
"Autocrat of the Breakfast Table,"
"The Cheerful Idiot" and other similar
classics cheerless, if ' not ' tenantless.
Statistics have been compiled to show
that 60 per cent of the people who
lived in rooms In 1886 took their
meals elsewhere. Ten years later the
number of roomers was 86.2 per cent
of the homeless individuals, while to
uay it la estimated that more than 90
per cent of those who live in furnished
rooms take their meals outside.
The boarding house has simply
yielded to changed conditions. Twenty
years ago the restaurant was a thing
to be patronized only in times of dire
necessity. Today it furnishes accom
modations to fit every purse and caters
to every need. It is quite as cheap
and often more satisfactory than the
boarding house menu and is not re
stricted to fixed hours for meals or
luncheons. The restaurant's develop
ment accounts for the empty chairs at
the boarding house table.
More far-reaching than the mere
passing of the boarding house table,
however, Is the loss of the element
of companionship, the near-home spirit,
that pervaded the old dining room
where men and women in different
pursuits met around a common board
and became, in effect, members of a
common family. The rooming house,
with the necessary attendant of pat
ronizing restaurants, produces an isola
tion of the individual which forces each
to bis own social resources. By the
very nature of his surroundings the
roomer has few" intimates, and is
robbed of the vestige of home life
which clung to the sitting Toom of the
boarding house. The loss of this do
mestic atmosphere must have its ef
fect upon the life and character of the
roomer. For that reason, if for no
other, the passing of the old style
family boarding ' house must be re
gretted: A HEW MAJOR IN ROME.
The religious press is doubtless plac
ing too much significance, from the
sectarian viewpoint, upon the election
of Ernest Nathan, a man of Jewish
antecedents, to be mayor of old Rome.
Protestant organs are disposed to ac
cept the event as' evidence of the popu
lar protest against clericalism which
has heretofore played a dominant part
in the political affairs of the Eternal
City, but it la more probable that
Mayor Nathan's selection is due to the
reawakening of ancient Rome to a
sense of its material needs.
Italy has been catching step with
the spirit of progress for some years
and its capital city has become imbl-d
with the zeal of the twentieth century.
The old town is being overhauled. New
enterprises are being established and
evidences of progressive ideas are
manifest at every hand. Under such
conditions, the need of regeneration
in municipal affairs has become urgent
and Mayor Nathan goes into office
pledged to use every effort to modern
ize and Improve the city.
The new mayor was born in Eng
land, educated at Oxford and has spent
most of his life in the study and ad
vancement 6f municipal problems. He
will find a wide field for the employ
ment of his talents In the introduction
of the inventions and advantages of
the present day into the historic home
of the Caesars.
"Denver is too near the clouds,"
says the Philadelphia Record. Still,
the holding of the convention there
may give, the democrats an oppor
tunity to get above the clouds, Instead
of remaining under them as they have
been for so many years. Then it must
be remembered, top, that Denver is
one of the few cities In which Mr.
Bryan has not been nominated for the
presidency.
After conducting experiments, the
Bavarian government , asserts that
marksmen shoot stralghtest when un
der the Influence of alcohoL The rec
ord shown that a drunken man with a
revolver seldom missus his aim.
An ordinance passed by the New
York aldermen sanctions the giving of
sacred concerts on Sunday provided
the program does Rot Include "the per
formance of any tragedy, comedy,
opera, ballet, negro minstrelsy, negro
or other dancing, wrestling or boxing,
trials of strength or any part or parts
therein; or any circus, equestrian or
dramatic performance or exercise of
Jugglers, acrobats, club performances
or ropo dancers." This is Interesting
largely as Indicating the New York al
dermanlc idea of what has constituted
a sacred concert heretofore.
Denver proposes to keep its Audi
torium cool during the democratic na
tional convention by the use of natural
snow. That will not be necessary, of
course, If Judge Parker decides to at
tend the convention. '
"The new double eagle can be
stacked Quite as easily as any other
coin," says the Pittsburg Dispatch.
Still most people find they can stack
pennies and. nickels more easily than
double eagles.
y Bank n It.
Baltimore American.
A cheerful heart Is the safe deposit of
Joy. s
Pass It Tkla War.
Washington Herald.
"Too much money Is to be our next
trouble," says a well-known banker. Well,
thRt will be a very novel and welcome
trouble to the great majority.
Give It a Trial.
Louisville Courier-Journal.
A nice Christmas present from a. rich
young woman to a worthy but too blamed
poor suitor would be a bale of bargain-
counter securities. No right-thinking
young man would feel hurt because he
knows that they have been marked down.
Tkat Woald B Happiness.
Chicago Inter Ocean.
Still, when the average "man who Is not
a flat dweller thinks of the coal which tha
sixteen war vessels will consume before
they get ta the end of the 14,000 mJles he
cannot be blamed If he entertains the wish
that his cellar were operated by the fed
eral government. .
Crnelest Knock mt All.
Portland Oregon lan. '
The most severe "Jolt" administered to
the Hughes boom for the presidency Is the
approval of Chancellor Day, the man with
the hair-trigger tongue and long-range
mouth. The chief executive of the Knick
erbocker state can well ask deliverance
from his friends If he has many of the
type for which the Syracuse university
president is a model.
An Astonishing; Innovation.
New York Press.
New York City Is occasionally treated to
a surprise. A contract has Just been awarded
to the lowest bidder, on a bid S40O.0OO be
low the estimates of the engineers, a a
contract for a dam In the new water supply
was awarded to the highest bidder because
It was feared that the lowest bidder would
not make enough profit, the city is aston
ished at this recklessness In taking at his
word a contractor who thinks he can do
the work for less than the engineers sup
posed.
Indians In the Senate.
Philadelphia Inquirer.
The appearance in the United States
senate of two men of Indian blood Is one
to give us pause and reflect upon the
history of the aborigines. The civilized
tribes of the Indian Territory have almost
a century of civil experience behind them,
and they may manage to do pretty well.
And it is of Interest that the admission
of Oklahoma completes civil war rccon
structlon, for the Indians Joined the con
federacy and expected to become an lnr
portant state when their side won.
TKl'E CHRISTMAS SPIRIT.
Good Result Possible' from Earnest
Striving;.
Leslie's Weekly. ;
Let us try to Imagine what a scene the
world would present if all men the earth
around could tiave and. enjoy one perfect
Christmas one day In which the Christ'
mas spirit should manifest Itself In every
human heart In all Its happiest, truest
largest meaning. What a foretaste of the
millennium such a day would be! What
sorrows would be mitigated, what misery
assuaged, what enmities, Jealousies, bitter
nesses would be burled, never to be rv
newed! Such a Christmas, Wen for one
day, would be a source of Immeasurable
blessing to the world. It could not fall to
break the crust of human selfishness be
yond restoration and set many springs of
kindness and good-will flowing, never to
cease. While such a Christmas, even for
a day, can only exist in the realm of
dreams, it Is within our power to make
each recurring Christmas measurably Ilka
It by translating our wishes Into deeds.
by making the best of our means and op
portunities te make life a little brighter
and a little sweeter for those aiound us.
and a little nearer like the life we could
truly wish for all mankind.
SOUND BANKING.
Text for a Slap at Western Ways and
Political Bnncomb.
Philadelphia Ledger.
Recent money troubles may do some
good in teaching the publlo that the un
productive hoarding of money Is not good
"blinking. Many of the newspapers are
Justly holding up to ridicule the boast of
certain western banks that they have cash
reserves of 40, 50 or fiO per cent.- If a bank
has CO per cent of reserves as anything
more than a day's showing under the
comptroller's call for reports, it is not
much of a bank. The useful bank Is that
one which has In Idleness no more than
a safe cash reserve, and has honestly and
skillfully selected the security on which
it has loaned the large part of its funds
to productive business. That Is good bank
ing for the bank and g'.od banking for the
community.
Back In the wild days of free sliver a
noted western politician rang the changes
on his discovery that ali the national
banks were, as he called it, "bankrupt;"
that Is, none of them could pay Its cred
itors in full at a moment's notice. It did
not occur to him or to those of his hear
ers who applauded that only an Imbecile
would start a bank on the plan of keep
ing al! Its deposits ready to be paid out
In an Instant. They did not see, or would
not admit, that a bank of that degree of
Imbecility would be useless to anybody.
Tlis boasting of a bank which implies that
It ordinarily carries a CO per cent reserve
Is en a level with the blatherskite poli
tician's finance. The appearance of the
boast Is evidence that public enlightenment
Is needed on the elementary rules of bank,
ing. The opportune ridicule visited upon
he boasting banks will do good In help
ing the popular acquaintance wits sound
melatd tn handling capital.
SRItMONS 'boiled dowx.
Klght alma In character produce right
ereert.
Ther Is no faith whers there Is no free
dom of thought.
Obey the best you know and the better
will take care of Itself.
That Is a good prayer which forces you
to answer It yourself.
Kellglon can only defend truth as It dis
covers , new truth. '
It la easy to mistake a regret for tho
getting on benefits.
Tou cannot make the week divine by
making Sunday dismal.
The mark you make depends on the mark
you set before you.
Christianity Is a campaign for character
by the power of character..
A little kindness will lift this world more
than the greatest creeds.
' Hatred always works greater havoc on
Its smrce than, on Its objects.
The bible as an ornament does not make
the life that adorns the truth.
There Is not much good In the man who
thinks of himself as good enough.
The wise man never hires a brass bwid
when he bids farewell to a wrong way.
Many a man who makes up his mind to
do better next year would do a great deal
better If he would only bite off ane day
at a time. Chicago Tribune.
PRrtSO.VAL, AND OTHERWISE.
This Is one of the shortest days In the
calendar and In the pocket.
Omaha expects every man and woman to
do thelrduty In the present rush.
Stuyvesant Fish refuses to credit the re
port tha,t Edward Harrlman has the grip.
'"Tls better to give than to receive,"
says the oracle. Still, a touch of reciprocity
will be appreciated. ,
The big schooner Thomas W. Lawson has
been wrecked. The name has been a
sinker to other things.
Youths or elders who may be called upon
to pose as Santa Claus will promote their
own comfort by donning asbestos whiskers.
Possibly the real reason for the naval
tour of the world is to test the resources
of the Justly celebrated vocabulary of Ad
miral Evans. ,
A dividend of (0 per cent in one year Is
admitted by the New York tobacco- com
bine. Prince Nicotine has standard oil
beaten at tho post. '
An Ohio man claims to be able to make
any kind of weather to order. If he will
fill an order from Omaha coal dealers he
can name his own price.
Oklahoma starts In busineis with the
passage of a "Jim Crow" bill, the consti
tution having provided for so much that
there was nothing else to pass.
Bir Thomas Lipton will not try to lift the
American cup next year. A presidential
campaign would Interfere w)th his pub
licity plans and possibly lose him on an
Inside page.
Prompted by the financial stringency a
Pennsylvanian tried to be his own surgeon
In cutting out his own appendix. Tho fun
eral bills have been tendered the heirs as
an appendix to tis memory. '
It has been discovered In Chicago that a
bunch of snow shovelers put on the pay
roll a year ago stuck to the job and the
pay-roll ever since with all the seal of a
regularly elected pie consumer.
An Ohio farmer of 85, unable to enjoy
himself In the usual way, deliberately
burned $10,000 --In bills and then died of
heart failure. How1 the heirs escaped heart
failure also Is an unsolved mystery.
Getting a Sunday drink In Cleveland
requires great skill In memorising pasr
words and manipulating finger signs. In
Omaha a touch on the stomach, a groan
and a signature demolishes a thirst, pro
vided the coin is In sight.'
News comes from Philadelphia thpt
Frank Markebesdlcskl hugged Catherine
Zephenshlkstyl until John Cxenveweskl arl
Stanlslans Consklecsesk! butted In and
started a rough house. And yet some pec
pie wonder why printers occasionally take
a drop too much.
CtaistiMs loiey
tor
You Get Two Dollars ior One Dollar f
at ttie --
A. Hospe Co's Piano Sale
Remember your first payment up to
$50 gives you credit for $100. This
has not been equaled in Omaha.
Pianos for $190 On $G monthly payments.
Pianos for $250 On $3 monthly payments.
Pianos for $300 On $10 monthly payments.
Pianos at $165.00, $145.00, $100.00, $75.00.
Your
Money '
Doubles "J" 4'
T
if T -
V --11 ' V7t ' l,-4
1 -J
Only One PriceNo CoramIssIon:Paylng House
A.. Hospe Co.
1513 Douglas Street
We Do Expert Piano Tuning and Repairing
RCII.AR SHOTS AT THE PVhVIT
Chlrago Tteoord-Mcrald : A Paltlmora
preacher unites hnnglng for automobile
scorchers. One of them must have mads
him Jump.
Chlrago Tost: Rev. "pllly" Sunday has
converted ,7M people at Muscatine, la.
If they stay converted Muscatine Is going
to be ono of our best cities.
Minneapolis' Journal: The , Rov. William
Sunday pitched his greatest game at
Muscatine. Ia., last week. The number
of converts was J.6W), and the gate receipts
W.785.50.
Roston Transcript: Rev. Dr. McArthur
of New York told his congregation Sunday
that neither Washington nor Lincoln could
fill the presidency today. Certainly not;
they are both dead.
Baltimore American: A Pittsburg min
ister has resigned his charge because a
member of the congregation asked him to
have a glass of boer. The duties of the
minister are usually supposed to be re
claiming the erring, but In this case the
pastor evidently felt the field was too bar
ren. However, it would be Interesting to
know whether he regarded the parlshloner'a
crime one against etiquette or morals.
DOMESTIC PLEASANTRIES,
Geoffrey Could you be happy In a modest
lltllo cottage, darling?
Gwendolen Not unless It Is one of those
lovely dreams In concrete, dear. Chicago
Tribune. .
Miss Passay When I think of his saying
that no young men take Interest In me any
more, it makes me smile.
Miss Kr.ttle Well, I wouldn't smile too
wide, dear. Those new teeth of yours
don't quite match the old ones. Philadel
phia Press.
Salesman Here, madam. Is a footstool
that has a music box attachment.
Lady Customer I'll take It. I've been
having a dreadful time about my feet going
to sleep, and this1 will keep them awake,
won't It? Cleveland Plain Dealer.
"You'll have to send for another doctor,"
said the one who had been called, after a
glance at the patient.
"Am I so sick aa that?" gasped the suf
ferer. "I don't know Just how sick you are,"
replied the man of medicine, "but I know
you're the lawyer wno cross-examined me
when I appeared as an expert witness. My
conscience won t lot me kill you, and I'll
be hanKirl if I want to cure you. Good
day." Philadelphia Ledger.
"One of the finest young fellows I ever
knew!"
"Why, I heard you abusing him terribly
to your daughter yesterday."
"Yes; I want her to marry him." Hous
ton Post. j
"It's of :,o use, Ethel," said her father,
trying to speak sternly, while a tear glis
tened In his eye; "In consequence of the
financial stringency I will he unable to
give you that diamond necklace this sea
son. You will have to wait till your birth
day, next spring."
"Oh!" cried tho young girl, as she turned
away with a wan little smile, "Isn't It
dreadful to be so poor!" Baltimore Amer
ican. .
TUB PRESENTS OP YESTERYEAR
' New York Sun. .
Again we try as we tried before.
To give each person a thing to prise,. .
Again we plan as we planned of yore
For sweet , remembrance of friendship's
ties.
Our purses were of goodly size.
We gave and took with a heart of cheer;
But times have altered; who may surmise
Where aro the presents of yesteryear?
That thingumbob that we never wore
Safe wrapped In the bureau drawer it lies.
If passed to Kate It will fix her score, .
And Mabel's gift to Kllsa flies;
Its use would certainly stump the wise,
But on It goes with never a fear.
The list grows shorter; who may surmise
Where kre the presents of yesteryear?
Fresh as the day It left the store
The Joneses' gift to the Browns applies;
We send the stuff from the folks nx door
To gladden our aunt's far distant eyes.
The need of Grace to the heavens cries,
Jess fills the gap and our list Is clear.
May never they meet beneath the skies?
Where are the presents of yesteryear?
Kris Krlngle, ride In your merry guise
To scatter our tokens far and near.
And do not blab should the question rise,
Where are the presents of yesteryear?
You
l:
n '-w
FIRST
PAYMENTS
UP TO $50
GIVES YOU
TWO FOR
, ONE CREDIT
i S3:T,ii ;,1fif., .1 II
