TILE OMAITA SUNDAY BEE: NOVEMBER 17, 1907.
. . . 1 1 , 1 ' i . i j i 1
-" - a -m n m -
Would Be Difficult to Imagine a More Attractive Display of Mov ember Bargains
Ladies' Hanikerchiefs 7ic
ladies' Silk Scarfs
75: Fzncy Ribbons at 29c
an
In order to dean up Handkerchief
tock for the hortdays, all lOo, iSo, aoa
and SSo ladles', misses' and children'
Handkerchiefs, slightly Boiled or
mussed, will go Monday at
one price, choice
7!c
Am OEMs
THE RKLJABLK STORK
Monday we will place on sale our en
tire new line of ladles' Bilk Crepe an
Liberty . SI1K" Scarfs, a maanlftcei
bowing of very heat qualities ar
tyles, at $5.00. $3.50, 12.60, $2.n
1.76, $1.50, Sac, "He, down CO
to
mm s
THB RELIABLE STORE
Muslins, Sheeings, Linens, Etc.
In Our Famous Domestic Room. We defy
prices on fftfJine
YARD WIDE UNBLEACHED
MUSLINS.
Dictator I L Bo
Beaver Dam to
Pcotsdale 6io
Burk s Head Vno
YARD WIDE BLEACHKD MUSLIN tl.
Security , Bo
Scorcher Co
Aberville Vo
Hope 80 .
Lonsdale 9u
Fruit of the Loom 10c
BLEACHEDHEETINGS.
Pepperal 9-4 22 Ho
Iockwood 9-4 220
Atlantic 9-4 24o
Ixckwolnd 6-4 12:
Lockwood. H-4 lie
Lockwonri. l-4 '10
READY-MADE SHEETS. I
Crescent lis Ml ISe 1
Crescent. Klxflo 4e
Lockwood, SltCO Owe
Standard, SlxW U9o
CASES. 1
Crescent, 42x.Tfl Mc
Crescent, 4."iXi IM40
Watf-rcrest, 42x36 12ao
ptandard. 42tcM fue
Mohawk. 42x3i ISo
Utlca, 4-x3i l'Jc
TABLE OIL CLOTH. I
All Fancies llc
All White and Marble ISc
RLEACHED TABLE CLOTHS.
8-4 Table Cloths R!c
10-4 'Table 'Cloths 4 k;
12-4 Tuble C loths T.c
S-4 Urion Cloths ISH:
10-4 Linen Cloths Toe
any ether house (0 meet the following
of merchandise.
12-4 Linen Cloths 79a
$200 German Linen Cloths SSo
$!.."0 German Linen Cloths $1.19
$3.X) German Linen Cloths $1.50
$4.00 German Linen Cloths $l.G9
TOWELING.
l!lc all Linen Crash 124j
15c all Linen Crash, .. 8"c
12o all Linen Crash 7VjO
loc all Linen Crash &Ha
NAPKINS.
$1.00. 75c, 59c, 49c and 39c doen
Amoskcng Apron Checks 64c
Equity checks 5o
Amoskrair Outing 5Sc
12c Amoskeag Outing "Ho
3f-inch Dress Goods, double fold,
15c values 6C
12Hc S'lkollne, Wl-lnch "o
12Hc Flannelettes Bo
Sic FulL Standard Prints 5o
LINEN TABLE CI,OTHa BY TIIE
YARD.
$1.00 all Linen, 72-lnch, bleached... fioc-
S5c Tuble Linen 5!o
7oc Table Linen 4Hq
59c Table Linen 39o
4!o Table Linen 25a
19c Towels lOo
15c Towels . "He
l'ic Towels 6V4c
10c Towels no
Cotton Toweling 2a
Cotton Toweling 80
I'nlon Toweling 4o
Remnants of Wool Dress Goods,
up to $3.50 yard, at 5c, 49c. 39o
ana ,
Remnants of all Linen Damasks,
up to $1.50 yard, at 50c, 49c 39c
and
23C
25c
Our Sale of Sample Parlor Furniture
has proven one of the most successful ever held, over half of
our immense purchase of odd parlor pieces being1 disposed
of in last week's sale. The balance, supplemented by the ad
dition of two smaller purchases just received, will be closed
this week at a saving to you of 25 to 23 per cent of regular
retail value. Many other special values will be shown.
Dlnlnr Tahle (Like Cut 44r44-In.
tun when rinsed, ertenits to f feet.
mate of selected oak finely flnl'hed.
h-s r-1n. turned lens and heavy
rim; very special value at.... $7.7 5
Sanitary Steel Couch, like out,
when closed makes couch 27-ln.
wide, opened makes full bed 4
feet wide, C ft. 2 in. lonK, one of
the most useful pieces of furni
turo ever placed in the home.
Very special bargain Monday
and Tuesday only, at... $3. 50
illllSllllS '
(solid onk Chiffonier, like cut, fine
goldenifinlsh, top 18x33, French
plate kiirror 12x18, has fine
large roomy drawers, is thor
oughly well made and finished
throughout; special value Mon
day and Tuesday at S0.85
Big price reduction this week on all' Framed Pictures. See
our splendid line. Get our prices on framing.
Rug and Carpet Bargains
Art you looking for real bargain's highest quality, perfect goods
at lowest prices? Just let us show-you our special offerings this week.
75c All Wool Ingrain Curpets, on
sale at, yard 59
50c C. C. lngraiu Carpets, extra
heavy quality, at 39
fl3.no Kashmir It tigs, 0x13 size,
oriental designs, colors guaran
teed, no wrong sido to a Kash
mir, sale price $0.48
$1K High Spire Tapestry lirusMcU
HugH 9x12 Bizc, big range of
patterns, on sale" at..13.0S
$5.00 Extra Axminster Hugs, size
36x72, sale price 83.40
RugsManufacturer's samples '
worth to $2.50, Wiltons, Velvet3,
Axnilnsters, etc., all on sale Mon
day in three lots at $1.25, 93c
and 75c
$30 Wiltou Velvet Rugs, size 9x12,
twenty-five patterns to select
t from, on tsalo at $33
$25 Extra Axminster Rugs, 8-3 x-10-6
size, floral and oriental pat
terns at S17.0S
7 ft. Window Shades, best wafar
colors, good rollers, at.. 30e
$i.00 Applique laces at 25c
A bis line of cream, ecru and whita
applique Laces, very special
bargains Monday, at, yd JC
Sole agents for Hall orchsrt Brass
Tonus In Nebraska, North and South
Dakota and western Iowa. See sam
ples, send for catalogue.
THE RELIABLE STORE
29c
A beautiful lino of KflnoV lllbbons In
Persian, t'lulds mid stripes, Mnrlll
rictilarly to 75c yard,
clmlc". l'r vd
AH f 1.&0 Copyright Q0 .
Boons w "
All U-00 CopyrlfUt LXr
Books T'fc
Biggest Silk Bargains Evar Offered in Omaha
One of the largest eastern jobbers in need of the cash notified our buyer, Mr. Mickle, by wire.
His very low cash offer was accepted and we will place the whole great purchase on sale Monday
in one big lot at less than actual cost to manufacture.
49c a yard for checked and striped Silks and plain Rajas, in almost endless assortment, worth up
to $1.50 yd 36 in. color Taffeta Pongees, $1.00 quality, beautiful evening novelties, worth to
$2.00 yd. Print Warps, Loui9ienes, Plaids and Noveltiek, worth to $1.50 yd. color Taffetas,
worth 79c yd. color Satines, Messalines, Peau de Cygnes, Pongees, Crepe de Chines, Border Chif-,
fon cloths, Voiles, 27-in. Plain and Novelty Silks, Stripe Ponjabs, Fancy Voiles, llQ
Black Peau de Soies and Taffetas all at one price per yd , C
See great display in 16th St. Window.
)n Silk Square In Domestic Room-
Faii:e8, color Taffetas, black twill Messalines. Novelties
Plain color Chiffon I Two Special Black Silk Bargains on Monday Fine Black
Messalines, Novelties ! Taffeta, 36 in. wide, on sale at.- vn
1 O 1 T mil. , i C. - - , I lA.An. . pn.. .. . . " V
uuu i-m. du oua, .vaiues to ooc ya., at. liliC I macK taireia, 3o in. wme, very special, at, yd..l
TO OUT-OF-TOWN CUSTOMERS Come Monday if possible, if you send your orders at once, we will fill mall
orders, while they last, up till Wednesday pm.
Grand Saie of Women's'Outer Garments
Entire stock of Levy, Leventhal & Hart, Washington, D. C, secured by our buyer at price- far below actual cost
to manufacture the greatest , Winter Garment Dargalns It has ever been our privilege to offer at thin season. All
the Cloth Coats from this reat purchase on sale Monday in three great lots every garment a rousing bargain.
Leading Dress Goods House
OF THE WIST
Commencing Monday, we'll sell all our new Fall and Winter Wool
Dress Good at tlie following prices:
at
Dross
All our $1.00 Wool Dress Goods,
bfack and colors OC
All our $1.25 Wool Dress Oo nls,
black and colors,
All our $1.50 Wool
"Wack and colors,
All our $2.00 Wool
black and colors.
All our $2.50 Wool
black and colors
All our $3.00 Wool
black and colors
All our $3.50 Wool
black and colors.
All our $4.00 Wool
black and colors.
73c
Goov'.s,
87 HO
Dress Goods,
OSc
Dress Goods,
Dress Uooiis,
Sl.GO
Dress Goods,
S2.10
Dress Goods,
82.49
All our $5.00 Wool
black and colors .
All our $C.OO Wool
black and colors . ,
All our $7.50 Wool
black and colors .
Dress Goods,
82.89
Dress Crjois,
... S2.0S
Dress uooitb.
83.50
I!K.I5SKIS The finest line in
the west. All grades ami colors.
All our $3.00 Bearskins $1.30
All our $3.50 Bearskins. $1.03
All our $1.00 and $1.50 Bearskins,
at $2.50
All our $j.00 Bearskins. $'J.(0
All our $C00 Bearskins. ,$'.SO
All our $(.u0 Bearskins.. $3.25
Everything marked in plain
figures. ,
' Popular Priced Wool Dress Goods
From 25c to $1.25 Per Yard
You will find popular and up-to-date Wool Dress Goods In this de
partment for tlie economical buyer, where $1.00 will go an fur ns $2.00
elsewhere.
1
Lot 2 Consists of handsome 50-inch
caricule coats, fine chiffon broad
cloths and kerseys, regular $25
Lot 1250 coats, in the popular Rus
sian caricules and fine broadcloths,
satin lined throughout, on sale Mon
day, at 310 J values, at
An Odd Lot of Coats Medium weight garments, in tana
and blacks, worth regularly up to $12.50, on sale Mon
day iu one lot, choice. $3.08
Fine Alaska Seal Coats Made specially for Levy, Leven
thal & Hart; great assortment of the very finest qual
ities; every garment fully guaranteed, at $330, MOO,
230 and $105
Fine Squirrel Coats All best styles, -very special bargains
at sale price $69
The Leading Linen House of the West
More Linens than all the other Omaha stocks
combined two large Linen Depts. high grade
and popular priced.
To close quick. pieces of Scotch and German silver
bleached damask, pure linen, $1.50 and $2.00 values, all in
one lot for Monday, at, a yard 080
One hundred fufi bleached Satin Damask Table Cloths,
bizes 72x90 inches, regular price $5.00. on sale Monday,
each $3.19
150 beautiful hemstitched Table Cloths, full size, all linen,
pure white, $5.00 values $3.69
Immense assortment of hemstitched sets, Including Table
Clothes and Napkins, worth $4.50, special, Monday
et $2.39
A SPECIAL NAPKIN ITEM
Full 24 inch, Irish make, pure linen, $4.00 values, Mon
day, per dozen $2.69
150 dozen odd lots of Towels that sold at 25c and 35c"each,
Monday, your choice for, each 150
Hardware for Monday's Selling
Lot 3 Consists of 52-Inch fur-lined
coats; fine kerseys, satin lined, Im
ported caricules with fur collars, etc.
$15 1 135 to $45 values, at $25
Women's XXXX Near Seal Coats Blouse or coat style.
Skinner satin lined. $50 values, at $35
Women's $6 Silk Underskirts, on sale Monday, at. .$3.08
Women's $2 Molr Underskirts, at ,890
Women's $5 Silk and Net Waists, at $2.98
Several Hundred Handsome Tailor and Silk Shirtwaist
Suits from the Levy, Leventhal & Hart Purchase, and from
our own Regular Stock on Sale at Just Half Actual Value.
Blankets, Comfortables, Flannels
In Our Famous Domestic Room
All our Blankets are direct from the best
mills in America all our Comfortables are
manufactured by ourselves here in Omaha and
are of the best silkolines, satines and flannel
ettes made. They are filled with the finest
white cotton.
Cotton Blankets, all colors, $1.98, $1.50, $1.25,
$1.00, 75c, 5Uo and t 490
Fine Wool Blankets, $35.00, $G.00, $5.00, $4.00,
$3.00, down to S2.50
Factory-Made Comfortables. $1.50, $1, 75c and.".. 500
Home-Mado Comfortables, each $0, $5, $4, $3, $2.50
$1.08
$8.50
and
Eiderdowns, $12.50, $10 and.
SG-liK'h Gray Suitings, fine titylr?,
at i30
60c All Wool Mixtures, 36 inches wtd.-,
.t 25o
60c French l'lalds, 36 Inc hes w hie 83o
Bc VVbol Fancies. 46.lnclR-s wlilo.850
$1.00 All Wool torm Serge 49o
11.00 All Wool Henriettas 4So
$1.25 All Wool Imrk Fancies B9o
$1.60 All Wool Storm Serges 75,,
$1.98 All' Wool C4-lnch BIuo Storm
Serge 9to
$2.60 All Wool 68-inch Italnproofs 9ao
lion Ci y Laces
A new assortment of these fine
wash Laces Just received, the very
best -made, and you save the 60
per cent duty by buying them.
Prices, 4c, Be, 7c, 8c. 10c, 12 c,
15c and 18c.
$1.
at
All Wool 64-Inch Broadcloths
4 890
$1.23 All Wool Fancy Uroadcloths. 54
Inches wide 69a
$1.00 f)2-inch Mohairs 09o
$1.00 Finn Mohair WulstlnBS. . . . B9o
$1.23 Fine Mohair WulKtlngs 7io
":c All Wool WalntlnK 49o
JL'.OO Fine All Wool Dress l'lalUs 880
Tie Cream Mohair 39o
A very largo line In this department
nt 60c and 60c, worth more than
double.
Pearl Button Sale
First lot, per dozen.
Second lot, per dozen
Third lot, per dozen.
Fourth lot, per dozen...
Fifth lot, per dozen
-z'i
Hie f
2c t
n 31c
Mc l
r
MOP
31 5 O
ON'T judge "Queen Quality" shoes merely bf
price. They are distinctly superior to ordinary
shoes at the same price. You can see this your
self in one glance at the new styles.
Lace Curtains and Draperies
The season's favorites are shown in almost endless variety. It's a
delight to show goods from such complete assortments of splendid val
ues. You'll find Monday's specials very interesting. S
D
Italian Filet Laco Curtains A
most popular style for parlor
use, white and ecru, at,
Pa,r SG.OS
$7.50, Irish Point. Brussels Net,
Cable Net and Cluny Laca Cur
tains, on sale, at, pair $4.08
COO pairs Lace Curtains. In ten
different patterns, great bargain,
Pair 81.98
Sllkoline, in plain colors or fig
ured, at. yard 126 0
Dotted Swiss, for sash curtains, on
sale, at, yard 100
Ruffled Hobhini t, 30 inches wide,
on sale at, yard !)
5c and 10c House Hardware Articles 3Ho
15o House Furnishing Articles So
Read these prices. Come and see tne
goods, then If you want to save money,
buy them tomorrow at the Big Sale.
Hardwood Toothpicks, large boxes.. aVjo
Regular sUe Coal Shovels
Package or roll Toilet Puper or
Holders
Large Pancake Turners
Asbestos Store Mats
Wire or Wooden Coat Hangers.
6c packages Carpet Tacks
Mrs. Pott's Iron Handles
16c Scrubbing or Stove Brushes,
15c Comb Cases ,
10c. boxes Shinola ,
16c All-round Tin Graters ,
.a'io Enameline 10c Stove Polish
Pino Wire Strainers
.aVtO 10c Gas Mantels
,Se 15o Towel Bars, nickel-plated....
.IVio Tack Hammers or Hatchets
.aV4o"16c Dover Egg Beaters
..ana
So
Bo
So
,...5o
...so
, . . .So
,...Bo
, ...Bo
,...Bo
...So
, :..So
t Moi, ,nl Pennnr Shakers.. SUo Children's Brooms, worth 15c 80
Stove Pokers or Lifters a.,0 T Othsr Good Xeasona for Trading-
Large wire Card Racks 3Vo Haydan's la Hardware and Sou rur-
Jure Catch Mouse Traps, two for. .3V0 nlshlnfrs:
The famous savory Thanksgiving
Roaster. $1.00 size
Mrs. Pott's $1.SS 6-piece set Sad
Irons
11.2? Food Choppers, any brand.,
bbc coal Hons, on sale for
.690
.S9o
.690
.330
.09O
only. . . .690
10, 12 and 14-quart heavy galvanized
Palls, 22c. 19c and 170
Large double Roaster, with air hole,
told all over for 60c, size 15x11x8,
only 19a
Couch Covers, 60 inches wide, lu
Oriental, Persian and Bagdad de
signs, special $4.50
Couch Covers, CO inches wide, all
design, very special values, at,
eaih ' $2.08
Couth Covers, Iu 13agdad stripes,
full size, great values, at.
choice $2.50
Itom.tu Striiio Couch Covers 00
Inches wide 3 yards Jong, on
sale, nt, each $1.25
20c Drapery Satin. 3C inches wld
on sale at, yard 100
23c Drapery Cretonne, 30 inches
wide, on sale at, yard 15
n Jft mm m -
iteja nayaen sjjrocery f rices tor Monday s SaJe--rpeshcs,Goods'"IohcslJ"'y.
... Larnejit Slock and Lowpi ri.
V8c Copper Bottom Wash Boilers.,
il.ou size large wash Tubs,
BUTTER AND CHTCFfcR PRICES FOR
AHJKUAY 8 SALE.
Fancy No. 1 Creamery Butter, per
pound 26c
Fancy No. 1 Da'ry Butter, per pound. 23c
Fancy Full Cream Cheese, per pound. 17Hc
Fancy Full Cream Brick Cheese, per
pound 15c
Fancy Full Cream Base Cheese.
pound
Neufchatel Cheese, each
Jap Sago Cheese, each
per
c
3C
"He
i-ancy Seediess Raisins, per pound 121c
Four cans Country Gentleman Corn,
that retails everywhere for 15c can,
four cans for 23c
21 pounds best pure Cano Granulated
Sugar for jt oo
10 bars best brands Laundry Soap... 25o
lOll'H. best White and Yellow Corn
meal IKn
jarge cans Mjstara sardines
Burnham's Hasty Jellycon. ' per pkg.
48-nnund sacks fancy High Patent
Flour $1.85
Try HAYOEN'S First
1 lie best crlsn PrefT.. not-
The beMt Soda or Uyster Crackers,
per pound Co
The best crisp Ginger Snaps, per
pound ,r
Peanut Butter, ner iar "' n
Larse bottles Pickles, assorted kinds.. S'-o
4 pounds fancy Japan Hard Rice.... 23c
The best Tea Slftlngs, per lb 12 -jj
6c i -neeaa tsiKcuit. per nkg
Bo i utiitu I'm.lTH r OR HAl'CE. PLU-
UI.MjO AINU t lt-ti.
Choice California Prunes, per pound.. Sc
Fancy Santa Clara Prunes, per pound Tto
Fancy Italian Prunes, per pound loc
Choice Cleaned Currants, per pound.. 10c
Fancy Cleaned Vost'zzo Currants, per
pound -12VJC
Fancy J-Crown Muscatel Raisins,
per pound VWtc
Fancy Mulr Peaches, per pound 13o
p.emd .1urted Sul'ana Rulslns. per
Pit ted ' Pi urns,' ' re;,',.' ' Nort a Vines! ' A pVu
the cltv""PbWr,e'' CtC" flnest 11,10
I',iI'f.',LyiiKTAm A'D FRUIT
v-'VP-f 'ia MONDAY'S HALE,
rresh Boets. Carrots, Tuj-nli.s. I'urs-
nips or Rutabagas, per pound....... So
pound Fg
per pound 2o
I.'. .. . . "iu
. oi.tjr i.ermuna unions, per pound... 6o
1-ancy Cooking Apples, per peck..;... 2Bo
J unty Grape Kru:t, each 7iio
Hot House Lettuce, two for 5o
rol:iy Grapes, per pound 7Ho
Conking; Vim. per pound $Vic
t resu Rousted i'eanuts, per quart.... to
nips or Rutabugas pe
Fancy Red Onions, per
Fancy Sweet Potatoes, r
I ancy Ciibbage, per pou
1
rn-nmnjrwj,nj a- s.
Tersely Told Short Stories
A Dlh.
TEPHEN THAW, a nephew ot
SI Harry Kendall Thaw, la a mls
I slouary In Syria, and to his
man occasionally writes the
most amusing letters.
(ln a recent letter Mr. Thaw described a
dfnner that a Chinese merchant had given
to an English traveler in a remote Syrian
tewn.
The Chllfaman could speak no English
and the Englishman could speak no Chi
nese; nevertheless the dinner went off very
agreeably. The two men sat facing one
another in silence while m neat Chinese
butler served them dish after dish of sur
passing delicacy.
There was one dish especially that pleased
tho Englishman. It wua m rich stew of
onions, pork, mushrooms and a dark, ten
der, well-flavored meat that seemed like
duck.
Tho Englishman ate heartily of th0 stew.
Then ho closed lus eyes and lifted his
hands and shook his head with an air of
cstacy. After this fjaniomlmic compliment
to tho dish he said, interiegallvely:
"Quack, quack T"
''No, no," said the Chinaman. "Bowwow-wow.
' Pittsburg Dispatch.
Vrom m Constant Header.
Henry White, our secretary of embassy
at Paris, tells of brilliant reporter on a
ffisnch Journal who holds strong objec-
tion to the note-book, dear to most of his
associates.
The Purrslan newspaper man wears large
white cuffs, and on these ho Is said to Jot
down such events as appeal to him, with
suggestions for his subsequent articles. At
first, the story runs, his laundreso was
much puzzled by these hieroglyphics, but
as time went on she became able to read
them, and arrarently derived much UencOt
and pleasure theiefrom.
One day the journalist received with his
laundered garments u slip of paper on
which was written:
"Your last washing was very Interesting,
but we should bo glad to have you give us
more political news." Harper's Weekly.
( hecks craaa Caah.
Colonel "Ike" Hill, assistant sergeant-et-arms
for the democrats in the houe
of representatives, has violent political
prejudices, und at election ttins Is wont
to back them with money.
He got into 4 political dlscus.non in the
lobby of the Hoffman house In New ,Yo,-k
a short time ago and made an -assertion
that was disputed by a man' in the gath
ering. Colonel "Ike" reached down Into lis
pocket, pulled out a roll of money and
peeled off five $100 bills.
"1 will Just Lot you $600 I am right,"
he said.
"1 11 take you." suld the tthor. Wait
until I get a pen and ink."
A cold look came into Colonel "lko's"
eyes.
"What do you want a pen and ink for?"
he asked.
"Why, I wapt to write a check for $305
to cover y6ur bet,"
Colonel "Ike" put his money back iu his
pocket.
"Bring me a pen and ink, too," ha sal 1,
"for If this is going to be a check bet
I'll make it $5,000." Saturday Post.
II Knew,
There is a well-nown fedral official
at Washington whose family stoutly
maintain that he ia absolutely color blind,
a contention as stoutly refuted iy the
official hiiiatlf.
On one occasion at the table his wife
remarked new tlo her nusband was
wealing. "I'll wager you lon't know
what color the tie Is," she tea.lngly sug
gested. "It's blue," said the husband.
"Right! But how on earth did you
knowr'
"Well," said the husband, with the same
assurance, "when I bought it jeslerday
I told the a lerk that if he didn't give me
blue, I'd throw him out of the window."
Harper's Weekly.
(S
Coagratalatious Oat of Order.
"The late Admiral Walker," said a naval
officer in Washington, "believed heartily In
marriage for sailors. Me always urged
' sailora to wed. Nautical bachelora were
held up to acorn by him. '
'8trolllng with him in New York ona
day we R-t a young ship broker. Admiral
Val.tr hailed the young man delightedly.
Ho clapped him on tho back, wrung his
nand and cried:
"Congratulations on your marriage, my
young friend. No more sewing on of but
tons nowi eh?
" 'No. Indeed," cald the ship broker, 'I
wear a belt now. It keeps me so busy
raising the money to pay my wife's bills
that I have no time to sew on buttons.' "
Baltimore Sun.
I
Aa Mear na II Dared.
A couple of New Yorkers were playing
golf on a New Jersey course on election
day when they saw a fine appearing old
gentleman looking at them wistfully. They
asked him to Join the game, which he did
with alacrity. He was mild In speech und
manner and played well. Bui once when
lie had made a foozle he ejaculated vehe
mently the word:
'Croton!"
A few moments later when he had made
another bad play he repeated;
"Crotou!"
The fourth time he said this one of his
new made friends said: "I do not want to
be inquisitive, but will you tell me why
you say "Croton" so often V
"Well," said the old gentleman, "isn't
that the biggest dam near New York?"
Ho was a Presbyterian clergyman from
Erooklyn.-Vkveland Main Dealer.
Historical Evidence
The late Kkl.uid MaBstleld was a patient
autTercr in his last Ulness, and he retained
his good cheer to a marked degree. Ona
day ho told his physlciuu tliat he believed
he would not live many tMia lnnr.
"Bosh!" said the physician. "You are
good for a long time yet. Why. man alive,
d'd you ever hear of anybody near death
with legs and feet as warm as yours?"
"Yes," replied Mr. Mansrield. "lots of
them. For Instance, there was Joan of'
Aro and tho Salem witches." Harper's
Weekly.
-4-
A ?Tew Definition.
A rather cynical Joke lias been recently
credited to Senator Piatt.
The senator, on his last visit to the Man
hattan Beach hotel, allowed a pretty little
girl, a western millionaire's daughter, to
be presented to him.
The little girl, in the coursA of one of
her many delightful chats with the aged
statesman, said:
"Tell uie, won't you. senator, what po
litical economy is?"
"Politltal economy, my dar child," Sen
ator Piatt replied, "Is the art of never buy
Irg more voles than you actually need."
Cincinnati Enquirer.
II (oi'lhe Job.
A traveler Juet returned from Japan
tells the following story: A ,iercain.ll
firm In Tcklo, having extensive commer
cial relations with the United Slates, v. as
dealious of ungating the vertices of a
translator. Many applicants replied to
the firm's advertisement, but 0110 of thn
necessary qualifications was the ability
to speak the English tongue in the ver
nacular, which qualification proved to be
a stumbling block to most ot lim appli
cants ttr the position. Finally one ap
peared who had received tils education
In U United States, and on oelng tinned
If ho was well versed In tho vernacular, he
replied: "Sure, Mike!" Ho tccured the
position. New York Times.
The Eternal Lotterr.
Governor Vardaman of Mississippi tells an
amusing Instance of tho negro's attitude
toward matrimony.
A darky 'clergyman In the state, named
had married two negroes; and after the
ceremony the groom asked, "How much yo'
charge fo' dis?"
"I usually leave that to tho groom." was
the reply. "Sometimes I am paid five dol
lars, sometimes ten, sometimes less."
"Five Uolluhs Is a lot a' money, pahaon."
eald the groom. "AMI give you' two dol
lahs, and" den ef ah finds ah ain't got
cheated, ahil give yo' ino' In a iii.uif."
In tho stipulated time the groom r -turned.
"Pahson," Buid he, "dis h. re br
rangcineiit'a a kind o' speciashun. un' all
reckon youso got clu wor-U of It. All hi :- is
that yo- owes me a dillali an' s.vniiy
five cents." Harper's Weekly.
Flsberiuru at Leisure.
The president of the Natioi.al Story Tel
lers' league, who utes liuir.orous stoi.ia
only scini-occasionally to iiltititrato a-rioi.a
points, was asked Ui give a sample humor
ous story. Here is one he told:
A New Y'ork school teacher was vlsiiing
at a Maine siaport. Seeing a group of
fishermen smoking their plin-s, slic ap
proachid one of tr.i and asite'1 what tho
(ifchermen did to occupy their time.
"Well, sometimes we set an' talk," the
neherman replied: "Bointitlaiil set 'an
think, and sometimes well, we Jes' set,
New York Times.
flrnt
f roin
"whal
Putting; Ills Logic (a Test.
The old couple wero eating their
meal with their sun ufler his return
college.
"Tell us, John," said the father,
nave you learned at college."
"Oh, lots of things." salU the son. as h
recited li's cnursn of studies. "Then,
cort-p -tied. "I also studied logic."
I.f.gk, sum the old man. "What It
that?"
"It s the art of reasoning," a!d the son.
"Tim an of reasoning?- eaM th fiUJt,r,
"Wl'nt is that, rny hoy?"
"Well," replied the son, "let mo give you
a d.ir.ohH'.ration. How many chickens aro
on th-u disii, futher?"
Two." n:ul the old man.
"Will." said John. "I ran prove there are
three " Then ho u k his fork In one and
said: "That ia one. isn't it?"
"Vis," said ttvi fsther.
"An I this Is two.'" sikk.ng his fork In the
second.
'Yes." replied the father, again.
V "II. don't one and two make three?"
replied John, triumphantly.
"Will, I U.'Claiel" (Uid the father. "You
have h arm J thinBs at college. Well,
mother." coiitlnucl tne old man. to his wifo,
"I will give you one of the ehli kens to eat
ir.d 11! take the other, and John can have
the tMrd. How is that, JolmV'-Judgu'a
Library.
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