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About Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922 | View Entire Issue (March 16, 1906)
TIIE OMAHA DAILY BEE: FRIDAY, MARCH Ifi. 1900.
The Omaiia Daily Bee
E. ROSEWATER. EDITOR.
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C C ROSEWATER
Subscribed In my presence and sworn to
before m this Jfclh day of February, ISO.
(Seal) M. B. HUNQATE,
WHEN OCT OP TOWN.
Sabserlhera ImtIsi th elty (
porarlly shaald bar Tk B
sailed to tha. Address will k
Nebraska can smile through its deep
snow while thinking how It la saved
from the sleet which la damaging fruit
in the south and east
Now that Editor Terking has captured
the Iowa congressional . delegation he
will redouble his attention to the work
of rounding up the common everyday
Governor Cummins says be will men'
tlon no names when making b,ls report
on the Des Moines lobby. Reports of
this character are not the kind which
make lobbyists tremble.
It is estimated that it will require
$130,000' to pay the expenses of the oil.
coal and railroad Investigations' by the
Interstate Commerce commission, but
if all the facts are secured the Job will
be worth the price.
Oklahoma may not be willing to stay
out of the sisterhood of states until the
war on the Mexican border la ended,
but its' prospective senators and repre
sentatives . will have been saved much
trouble by the delay.
Some objection Is made to the state
ment that railroads are represented on
the floor of the senate, but out of de
ference to Mr. riatt no one will deny
that the express companies have s man
of their own In the body.
The Independent telephone people
from the reply they have made to the
Omaha Commercial club Insist on view
ing every proposal from the Bell inter
ests in the same light as the fabled in
vita tlon from 'the spider to the fly.
The. speech of Senator Newlands
would indicate that a large number of
democrats are willing to take half
loaf at the hands of a republican presl
dent than to run chances of getting
nothing through s change of admtnls
Thecsar is said to have been amused
at the stories told by Russian Jews re
garding recent atrocities, but probably
not so much amazed as Is the world
that a Jew would be permitted to a
P roach close enough to the throne
tell his story.
It seems to be more a case of inelas
ticity v of facts than . of instructions
which troubles the delegates to Alge-
clrasV Abdul Aids proves to be no tyro
in the matter of maintaining the statu
quo through division among those who
would be his masters.
With s loss of nearly 111,000,000
through the decision of the United
flutes supreme court Chicago street
railway companies sre proof of the fact
that, while franchises may be Intangl
bje. they form the most valuable assets
of a public service corporation.
It is to be hoped the majority of the
coal miners will be as deeply impressed
with the president's letter as Mr.
Mitchell seems to have been. If the
operators sre similarly affected there
will", le an excellent opportunity for
concessions without humiliation.
The people of Omaha have bad all
they want of the notorious Westberg
In the city comptroller's office. He
whould have been retired once and for
all time when he let the city treasury
W looted of SIlS.OiHl right under his
eye , without sounding the alarm.
Commissioner Cockrell exhibits In a
marked degree that Missouri quality
of wanting to be shown, and those who
know the former senator as a cam
paigner will be Inclined to think the
(Standard Oil company might a well
saiu t a show, down Brut a lust.
riTCLAtl KLECTIOX OF SENATORS.
To couple the proposition of amend
ing the constitution so as to require the
election of United Htntes senators by
direct vote of the people with a propo
sition extending the forms of members
of the house from two to four years,
ns the Norrls bill does, is to reduce the
chances of success for a change in the
method of electing senators for which
there is strong popular demand, and
to delay If not prevent Its realisation.
There Is no pressing demand for
doubling the length of the terms of
members of the house, a scheme which
has not even been generally discussed.
Indeed, the proposed "change as to mem
bers of the house Is contradictory In a
measure of the spirit of the movement
for the change as to senators, for
Whereas the latter Is designed to make
more Immediate and complete the 'con
trol of the people over members of the
upper house, the effect of the former
would tend by lengthening the term of
office to diminish such control over
members of the 'lower house.
Under the most favorable circum
stances that can be conceived It will
be a tedious process to Incorporate In
the constitution a provision for the pop
ular election of senators, unencumbered
by any side issues. It has been demon
strated over and over again that the
change cannot even be proposed with
the concurrence of the necessary two-
thirds of the senate for ratification by
three-fourths of the legislatures or con
ventions of the several states, and there
Is little reason whatever to hope for
a change of the attitude of the senate.
The only possible alternative method Is
through the application of the legisla
tures of two-thirds of the states for a
convention for proposing amendments,
Some preliminary steps are Indeed be
ing taken In this direction, but prac
tlcally the whole Journey remains to
be made. But obviously It is a long
road to travel and will require unre
mitting agitation and pressure.
Without waiting for tills the people
of many states have proceeded to go
as far as they can toward electing sen
atom by means of direct primary noni
lnations which are immediately avail
able. And it may well turn out that
the most expeditious and possibly the
only way of bringing about the constl
tntional change Is by thus establishing
In advance of It as ncurly its may be
the popular election of senators. Obvi
ously tho movement can be best pro
moted by sharpening the issue and sep
arating It from Instead of encumbering
It with any unnecessary complications
TIC MIXE WORKERS C0XVEXT10X.
The tone of President Mitchell's ad
dress opening the convention of the
United Mine Workers at Indianapolis is
conciliatory, as was to be expected
from him. The calling of the conven
tion, at this time is In itself s clrcuro
stance Implying a spirit which makes
hopeful the possibility of bringing to
gether parties to an industrial dispute
so widely apart as thp operators and the
mine workers were apparently left by
the February convention of the latter
and the subsequent action of the em
ploying companies. . ..
President Roosevelt's note sent to
Mr. Mitchell, urging the convention now
in session as a means for composing the
difficulties, if any proof were necessary.
shows that no resource at bis command
will be left unexhausted to maintain In
dustrial peace. At the same time the
public interest, which be voices, may
now be expected to exert itself more
actively and earnestly than It has here'
The losses snd evil consequences of
a general strike to the operators and
mine workers themselves are so far
reaching and fatal that the closer con
templatlon of them ought to move both
parties to every effort to avert what
President Roosevelt rightly describes as
"a public calamity."
PUBLIC OP1XIOX AXD RATE ABUSES.
The power of public opinion, when
aroused by flagrant corporation abuses.
waa strikingly illustrated at the Kansas
City oil bearing, wherein J. R. Koonts,
general freight agent of the Santa Fe,
testified that the decision of the roads
not to resist In the courts the marked
reduction of state ratc on oil under
last winter's legislation has been largely
due to defereuce to public sentiment
The Santa Fe official explained par
ticularly that otherwise the rates would
have been contested before this, and
that the road considered it would be
better so far to submit to state an
thority than to invoke the resentment
which resistance would arouse In the
public mind. . By the testimony of the
same witness and other evidence, how
ever, it clearly appears that the roads
have yielded only to the point to which
they were forced by the mandate of the
state law and their own fears of the
consequences of provoking further ex'
erclse of its powers over the carriers.
The people of Kansas have them
selves alone to thank for whatever bene
fits which they have enjoyed under the
reduced and equalized local rates on oil
transportation. That those benefits,
both to Independent producers and to
the mass of consumers, are very Im
portant is obvious and admitted on a
side. Tet these concessions would
have been wholly lost and not cue lota
of the long established overcharges and
gross discriminations abated if the peo
ple had not taken the matter into Ihei
own hands, Itestirrlng theinxelves for
specific reform and resolutely employ
Ing all practical means in political pri
niarles, conventions 'and elections, as
well as by unrelaxing pressure Umiu the
legislature after election to bring the re
This notable tributx by a railroad
official to the efficacy of aroused publl
sentiment ought to be an admonition
to the poW of every state who a
Buffering from -wrongful- exaction of
the big transportation corporations. No
community any more than Kansas hna
ever yet secured relief from such abuses
by a passive attitude which says to the
corporations: "By your leave."
XO LAXD LEAS1XO LEOWLATloX.
The declaration in Washington by
Congressman Klnkald that he would
oppose any and all special acts to pro
vide for the leasing of public lands In
Nebraska for grazing purposes, practi
cally sounds the death knell of land
leasing legislation so far as the present
congress Is concerned.
The futility of the efforts of western
Nebraska cattlemen to secure a leasing
bill Is plainly due to differences among
themselves as to Just what legislation
a necessary or desirable to meet the
necessities of the semi-arid region and
the diversity of views seems to be based
upon the fact that diverse conditions
present themselves In different parts of
the cattle country to which a single uni
form rule cannot be satisfactorily ap
plied. In the meanwhile, the Klnkald
bill, permitting the pre-emption of an
enlarged homestead remains upon the
statute books and offers the only relief
that is in sight.
A great transformation In the cattle
raising industry in the horthwestern
part of Nebraska Is evidently In prog
ress and the exceptional advantages
enjoyed by the great cattle corpora
tions of former days almost at an
end. The cattle raising Industry, for
tunately, Is not dependent upon any
particular scheme of leasing legislation,
but will adapt Itself to changed condi
tions and again vindicate the ability of
the cattlemen to win success against all
RULES FOR ASSESSMEXf.
The new rules adopted by the State
Board of Assessment for the guidance
of county assessors cover a number of
doubtful points that have been raised
from time to time aud open up new
points of doubt which will probably
require court adjudication to settle.
In general the assessor is required
by the constitution to list everything in
the nature of property or franchises
thut is of marketable value, except so
far as exempted because applied to
religious, charitable or educational
uses. The state board's rules under
take to include as articles of property
value, liquor licenses, reserve Insurance
funds and some credit items, all of
which will doubtless Invite dispute.
There is no room for question, how
ever, that improvement has been made
in the direction of more equal assess
ments for taxation under the new rev
enue law, but while room still .remains
for further Improvement, the best and
only way to get these mooted points
finally adjusted is to have them brought
up for court decision in a proper case
and then enforce the court's interpreta
tion without discrimination.
While Impressing upon the county as
sessors the necessity for them to do
their full duty, the members of the stats
board should not forget that it is up to
them, themselves, to lead the way by
doing their full duty In the assessment
of railroad, telegraph and car company
property, whose valuation Is fixed by
the board. A state assessment of rail
road property reasonably conforming to
what that property with Its franchises
would sell for in the open market would
be an object lesson for every local as
sessor In Nebraska, from the Missouri
river to the Colorado and Wyoming
The suggestion of the World-Herald
that the market house building be
transformed into a workhouse is, fit
least, worthy of consideration. Several
objections would doubtless be raised
against this plan, chief among them
that the market house is not suitably
located for workhouse purposes, having
no yard or grounds around It, and also
that its failure as a market house un
der proper conditions is by no means
established. Omaha, however, does
need a workhouse to help it ward off
vagrants and petty criminals and needs
it so badly that any plan to provide it
most siecdily will find favor with our
It is reported on good authority that
the Nebraska democrats will make no
nomination for United States senator
in their state convention, nor even at
tempt to get an expression of prefer
ence from the rank and file by any kind
of a direct primary system. The demo
crats in this state are always loud In
demanding the election of United States
senators by direct vote of the people
and hi professing fealty to the direct
primary idea, but when It comes to car
rying their preaching Into practice they
The Omaha Real Estate exchange
trying to grapple with the problem
presented by the practice of real estate
brokers accepting property listings
where the same property is listed sim
ultaneously with other brokers wlthou
limit, ao that It is merely a cba jce ai
to which first effects the sale, while li
the meantime the owner may disuse
of his property direct without giving
the broker any part In it The question
Is, what can the Real Estate exchang
do about it
Uennings has an unimpeachable rec
ord as city treasurer, which commends
him to every good citlaen. Broatcb baa
an infamous record as mayor and as
police commissioner, which should ba
him from the support of every good
citizen. Benson has no record at ail as
a public omcer. nen It comes to
choosiug leteeu these three for mayor
the man who has been tried and not
found wanting Is the safe man to tie to,
The Woodmen of the World have
acted wisely in deciding to make haste
slowly In regard to proposed relocation
of their headquarters. Au organization
like this cau count on being dealt with
fairly by the people of Nebraska and It
cannot afford to be put In the jxwltion
of trying to avoid contributing Its fair
proportion of the tax burden of govern
ment either here or elsewhere.
Postmaster (Jeneral Cortelyou Is to
be Invited to attend the annual meeting
f the state organization of postmasters
n Nebraska, which Is to be held In
Omaha In June. If the postmaster gen
eral could see his way clear to accept
this Invitation he could feel himself as
sured of a right warm western wel
Omaha will do a great deal of build
ing In the next three years and will
need a building inspector of experience
as a builder of modern structures that
will enable him to know how they
should be built No political carpenter
of the vintage of twenty-five years ago
will fill the bill.
Openlag for the Big; Stick.
Mln operator cannot see why the presi
dent should butt Into th controversy. H
represent nobody except the public.
Ke Argament Needed.
Major General Corbln says the recent
outbreak of the Moros has no real sig
nificance, but It will be hard to convince
the Moros of that after they examine their
A Timely Shake Dowl,
The supreme court of the United States
a deciding that "I-rfuse-to-answer" re-
piles "don't go." And it Is proceeding
thereby to smoke out the Tobacco trust
and bring the Paper trust to book.
A Possible Cine.
St. Louis Republic.
It may be worth mentioning that of the
175.M6 barrels of cotton seed oil exported
from th United State to the great nil
market of Marseilles In 1906 only 1,342 bar
rels were soap oil. People who mix their
salads only with genuine imported olive
oil, guaranteed pure, are wondering what
was don with the remaining 174,353 bar
rels. Slaughtering; the Helpless.
A member of the Iowa legislature has
attempted to get k hearing for the old
Idea of requiring physicians to take human
life under certain conditions, which are
cohimonly adjudged hopeless. It Is a sug
gestion which Is seldom placed before th
publlo by men of eminent reputation in
science. Its startling nature especially
commends it to the notoriety seeker.
The magnificence of Standard Oil divi
dends makes the average man gasp. In
eight years that company has paid to its
shareholders $332,000,000, or more than three
times the amount of the par value of its
capital. It Is the popular belief, which is
also the probable fact, that the great
Rockefeller group acquired Its ownership
of th stock at relatively small figures.
These men organised the company, nursed
it in Infancy, and now it ha become the
giantess that plays mother to a big brood
of subordinate oil trusts around th world.
Th recent riots In southern Russia stilled
the petroleum Industry there and brought
a profitable grist'to1 Standard Oil. It was
th only ooncerm on earth that could1 sup
ply all the petroleum required. An in
creased demand, accompanied by the inev
itable higher price during the last couple
of years, ha steadily enriched this great
Efforts to Destroy Rat Regulation by
Jadlclat Red Tape.
United Statea Investor.
The amendments thus far proposed to the
Hepburn bill by the opponents are all cal
culated to leave the remedies dependent
upon ' long-drawn-out litigation, in the
course of which th poorer litigant na
turally Is at a great disadvantage. If tho
dispute over a rate made by the commis
sion could be settled speedily, the objection
to the proposed review would be largely re
moved. For this purpose, however, a
special court would be requisite and it
would be necessary to rigidly prevent
dilatory actions such as so frequently delay
th determination of cases in courts. There
would also remain the ultimate appeal to
the highest court, which necessarily means
delay; and Inasmuch as all these delays
benefit the transportation company and In
jure the aggrieved party, the imperative
need is obviously for a system that shall
be more nearly Just to both parties. A rich
corporation can always afford to wait, so
long as the right to appeal acts aa a stay
of the execution of the decision below; the
other side can not. Per contra, the corpora
tion can better afford to take the risk of
temporary loss than the other side. Equal
Justice hence requires that the man on the
other side shall have the protection con
templated. It is to prevent the growth of
antagonism against corporations, which
only the purblind tail to see and appreciate.
that President Roosevelt and his allies are
pushing for this legislation. To call it so
cialistic Is ridiculous, for those advocating
socialism do not want it; they regard the
measure as mere temporising, since gov
ernment ownership alone will, in their
opinion, serve the purpose of attaining
equal right to all.
James J. Hill, the railway magnate, has
offered $7.8TS in prises for the best man
aged and best tilled farms In Minnesota
and the Dakotas.
Mrs. Hanna ha decided to sell Olenmere,
the beautiful country home of the late
Senator Hanna, near Cleveland, O. She
will live In New Tork with her son.
If the emperor of China la sick and all
the leading doctors of the realm have been
summoned, the rough draft of his obituary
might aa well be framed Immediately.
A dressmaker who landed the other day
from a transatlantic liner was found to be
so wrapped up in her profession that she
hod S1.&00 worth of lace hidden away under
her ordinary garments.
It has been noted as a curious fact that
at the present time no party in the English
House of Commons is led by an English
man. The prime minister, the leader of
the opposition and the leader of the labor
party are Scots and th Irish and Welsh
contingents, of course, have their own
F. Reins of Rulhton, Minn., claims to
have discovered the cause of the aurora
borealis. In a letter to President Northrop
of the t'nlverslty of Minnesota Reins de
clares that the northern lights are caused
by the sun shining from the other side of
the tartli through snowstorms within the
Having been converted to better ways of
living, a former hobo haa written to a
western railway passenger agent specifying
the number of his stolen Journeys over the
line and asking for a bill, which he pro.
poaed to settle a soon as possible. Seeing
that the Journeys were made on freight
trains, he would seem fairly entitled to
freight rate probably without rebates.
The Most Healthful
The Most Efficient
The Most Economical
OF ALL THE BAKING POWDERS.
Made from Stri&ly pure cream of tartar.
Absolutely free from alum and phosphabc acid.
Avoid ARim Baking Powders
Dr. Mallet, Professor of Chemistry, University of Virginia, says that in a
dozen different tests he found aluminum present in bread baked with alum
baking powders and recoverable therefrom. Dr. Mallet thus certifies to the
danger to health in the use of alum baking powders.
There is no higher authority in the whole country.
Can you afford to use alum baking powders even though they do cost you
only ten cents a pound, a cent an ounce, or twenty-five cents a pound ?
ROUND ABOl'T NEW TORK.
Ripple oa the Current of Llf la the
James T. McQuade, a New York million
aire, la convinced by his own experience
that money alone does not make life worth
th living. There are other things more
conducive to happiness and contentment.
McQuade haa money In abundance, but
his home is wrecked, his family scattered.
His cas I a type of many revealed in
divorce courts, and his story related in
court conveys a useful lesson. "If I had
been a poor man," he said, "I would have
been happily married, but being rich I
have to bear all the ills the rich are heir
to. When I married, seventeen year ago,
my wife was the daughter of a boarding
house keeper in Philadelphia. She didn't
have a cent. And it turned out to be like
putting a beggar on horseback. Pros
perity turned her head. Gradually It got
so I no longer had any say In the house.
We slowly drifted apart. I became wealth
ier and as I did we Increased the size and
cost of our household. It was nothing
for us to spend 150,000 a year.
"Now I am dissatisfied. I constantly am
craving for more money. My marriage was
a failure and I am constantly and Increas
ingly busy. And I know hundreds of
others who are in the same way. A
wealthy man never can JJve happily."
During fifteen months, beginning with
July, 19(4, New York City maintained a
mendicancy squad, which was a detail of
policemen in plain clothe, to work in con-
Junction with the charity organization in
th arrest of street beggars. During the
tlma 1,863 arrest were made and consid
erable more or less useful information waa
gathered concerning the business of beg
gary. The arrests were made In practi
cally every instance befoi the day's work
was over; the average collections, there
fore, cannot be taken as the full day aver
age profits of beggary. The average
amount In possession at time of arrest was
$114, th sum of $4,000 having been taken
from the entire 1,863 mendicants.
Discrimination wai made in the arrest;
only those known to be professional beg
gars were taken. The experience of the
quad, it is said, demonstrated that the
great majority of beggar in the street
were hrbltuai mendicants, plying their
trade because they found it more lucrative
to beg than to work. If it is correctly as
sumed that the average of $2.14 found on
th beggar represented only the average
of that one day' collections, up to the time
of arrest, it must be conceded that mendi
cancy is fairly profitable as a steady Job.
In the more than l.suO arrests there were
doubtless many who had been at work
only a few hours, and it can fairly be ss
umed that the working hours of the ar
rest days did not average over two-third-of
full time. If that is so, Itesftary profits,
reckoned on a full day basis, would
amount to about an average of $3.21 daily.
It seems to be certain now 'that China
town, that squalid patch of lower New York
embraced by Mott. Doyers and Pell streets,
will soon be a thing of the past- It was
always a "shine" as a sight, and only the
rubes who patronise the yap wagons ever
gave it serious attention. The native New
Yorkers know It for what It is worth and
that Is not much. The chinks of this quar
ter are a lot of cheap grafters, who trade
on the Interest which all white have In
thing they know nothing about. China
town I a pest hole. The shirt Ironers from
all parts of th city go down to play their
favorite games and to smoke the dope.
They fall to lighting among themselves
over the gambling privilege, and then a
lot of people think that something In the
way of a political feud Is going on. There
la nothing of the sort. When they begin
shooting It Is all over a small matter of
Nit-holua McDermott of New York City
was very poor and in bud health. But
there waa a wlf and two bibles to think
I of. sUi Nicholas McDermoli, facing lire
as a man should, couid not give up. IK
He looked for work and took every Job
he could get. But Jobs were few toi
sickly laborers. He went without food all
day while looking for work, and even while
working away from home. Of course, his
wife did not know this. There was little
enough to be got anyhow, but he got what
he could for wlf and children, said
nothing, and kept going.
The other evening he kissed bis wife
and babies and left home, glad because
he had work on an excavation Job that
night. He worked for a time, and then
his brave heart gave way. Worn out in
the battle of life, he fell on Its firing line.
He dropped on the pile of earth he had
dug, his last thought and word for the
woman and children for whom he had
A mouse got loose In Broadway Sunday
afternoon when its keeper wasn't watching
and, besides creating a panic (bargain
counter sire), nearly tied up traffic for a
quarter of an hour. The animal's escape
from where it belonged was coincident with
the turning loose of the matinee "sacred
concert" crowds 6:30 o'clock, or therea
bouts. That's what made trouble.
There was nothing particular about the
mouse's appearance, except its apparent
great age and evident determination; it was
plainly a pig-headed animal bent on travel
ing In a straight line. It was observed fim
at Broadway and Thirty-seventh street; to
be exact, on the west of Broadway, trying
to make fast time across Thirty-seventh
' "Help, help!" screai.ied a woman.
The crowd cleared a circle,' and behold,
there was the smallest and grayest mouse
ever seen (out of captivity), head to wind,
nose to the pavement, and heading north.
The animal seemed to grow angry at the
screams, and laid back its ears and con
tinued on its course. (
Somewhere back in the crowd a man be
gan to yell:
"Where's me mouse? Where' mo
The animal got to Thirty-eighth atreet on
a bare sidewalk, crossed that thoroughfare
and was well up to the Metropolitan opera
house before the man In pursuit overtook
him. In the meantime acores had got Into
the roadway, where cabs pulled up, and
motormen shouted for the crowd to let tho
cars go by.
"Me mouse; me mouse!" shrilled the man,
who elbowed everybody In sight out of his
way. "Oh, th rascal! There he Is! Only
let me lay me hands on you again, an' I'll
teach you to run away!"
The mouse did his best to escape from the
tyrant, but In vain. The hand, a yard In
advance of Its owner, spread out like a trap,
ind Mr. Mouse was gathered in and de
posited In an Inside pocket.
"I got me mouse," panted the captor.
The crowd closed In to the sidewalk; bells
clanged; cabbies chirruped to their horses
and traffic was resumed. Some paused to
watch a rugged man go down a aide street,
muttering Inside his coat to the truant.
Hettrr Than "Un Hoaesly."
New York Mall.
Something more than new laws Is needed
to restore a social conscience to those seats
of finance and commerce from which It
seems to have been driven. The significance
of the prevailing ferment In American life
Is that It Is no longer deemed enough to be
"law honest." To rely on laws alone la to
reduce the plane of social life to th levl
Coal. Wood. Coke, Kindling.
W. s.ll ths bist Ortla snJ Colorado Cosls -clean, hot, lastlnj:
Also Rock Sprints, Ullrols, Hinni, Shsrldan. Walnut Block, Etc.
For gsnsral purposes, uto Chorok.o Lumo, $5.90; Nut, f 5.00 oar ton
Missouri Lump, S4.75; Largo Nut, S4.50-maks a hot, quick lira.
Our hard eoal Is ti SCfAirOC tM bast Pennsylvania anthraelti
Wo also soil 8?adra, tha hardest snd cloanoat Arkanssa hard coal
All our coal hand scroanad and weighed over any eity acales desired
COUTAWT Cl squires
if the lowest common domlnator. Ther ar
potencies in public opinion large enough to
restrain th tempted man from profitable
commercial weakness, to hold back th ra
pacious man from his piracies, to reward
the man who under difficulties la true to
himself. Ono of the hopeful sign of th
times Is that these potencies are being or
ganized. It is going to be easier than it
ha been for men to be as square in their
business offices as they are outside them.
"Ixts of men," said Uncle Allen Sparks,
"are useless In this world because they ar
merely well wishers Instead of being well
diggers." Chicago Tribune.
"I wonder what Hamlet was really read
ing when he said 'worda, words, wbrds," to
"I can't imtiglne," answered Senator
Sorghum. "The Congressional Record
wasn't published then," Washington Star.
"It Isn't considered polite to ask a
Chinese how many wives he has."
"Well, It Isn't polite to ask an American
how many wives he'a had, either." IX
troit Free Press.
"The Ellzehethan ruff is likely to re
turn," snld Ma Twaddles, looking up from
the fashion paper she was reading.
"If he does, responded Pa 'Iwaddlew,
with energy, "you set the dog on him do
you hearr Cleveland Leader.
Senior Partner e must be careful not
to give Billings any more credit. He a
evidently losing money.
Junior Partner Mow do you know?
Senior Partqer I heard him remark to
day that "life Is full of ups snd downs."
No man ever admits that until he begins
to strike the downs. Philadelphia Press.
"And so you have three new little broth
era?" asks the neighbor of the little girl
pluylng In the front yard. "Isn't that
"I must congratulate your papa. Where
"In the house writing a letter to Mr.
Roosevelt." Brooklyn Life.
"You say Lawyer Bharpe, representing
the plaintiff, tried to pump you today? '
said Lawyer Shyster.
"Yes," replied the defendant, "hut I told
him you were looking after my Interest."
"What did he say then?"
"Asked me why I didn't engage a law
yer." Philadelphia Ledger.
"I'm going to have my poems uniformly
bound. Can you suggest something ap
"Why, yes fatigue uniform." Cleveland
THE WAY TO DO IT.
Exercise three time a day;
Feed yourself on simple far.
Mostly made of bran and hay;
Revel In the open air;
Never give way to your fears;
Sleep Just Ilka a baby:
Then you'll live a hundred years
Wear no wrap about your throat;
Do not eat late lunches;
Do, oh! do not rock the boat;
Shy away from punches;
Do not drink too many beers;
Let not debts distress;
Then you'll live a hundred years
More or less.
Don't dispute with men who wear
Larger nt than you;
Do not give way to despair,
Though the rent is due;
Do not waste your strength In tears;
As for trouble, scout It;
Then vou'll live a hundred years
Do not umpire baseball games;
Don't for office run;
Do not call a fellow names,
If he haa a gun;
t'nto wlcdom lend your ears;
Shun the festive schooner;
Then you'll live a hundred years
If you don't die aooner.
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