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About Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 3, 1905)
LEATHER NOTE. N lufftn in kt iqtinM Abwt tfii liotitini; H tetiu hi hiitrt tinu Abot thi Miiet ttm. now ii e von iiia. Hi Or? d for tin, 'is si d; Ha trfi to her heart Mi chimed ht !';; tut lit p i?rt i lojltsfjl part 27? e Top o ?e Mornin B WHAT SHE NEEDED. e SolJ the Play. " N". thank y. u." tl.e omi r.i M tit u r "I imlli iar.net v i sub t J lit w Vou m j r-1 1 r toil e Is ulu u! ! o lii gi . I ii. Ls: s' . p n iwl.'i1 N't n.mut In i x i lb i.: ur l'i.i ir.a It- I als :,..'. r- uid r.ei ii-r.-.i n i iate usii g I' "Hut" i:tc-l '.lii' l.utful au tli r. " this i if n.li is ii:f li i 1. 1 fri in anj ., tlur " That's what tin ail claim. " wn.i .ly sa'.u ;ht n.ir.ti i M "rut :!ii5H;f bus ot.li Kill .in hour of ill. i h.gue. Tlii' o: her I. "Ur at..' n t..-!f is 'liken tip with li -f ! tin-in.i tail, -pitihis 1 the SUPERSTITIOUS. .'i'' d' Ax v. n.li.u'.es lutir tin nuth r :l:i i ir. w p Iin iii. : r.ic; aid vJvuiiie cluck in the rcyul- "What you need," said the doctor, "is country air. Evidently you are in a sadly nervous state. What brought it about?" "Just because I wasted country air, doctor. Oily husband abso lutely refused to buy me an auto." A HEART TO HEART TALK. So, Alfaretta, you fain would be married? Anil to tho young man nf the Noble Character? Yes, we know him. Ton mean tho youth who Is always saving folks from drowning, rescuing others from peril, lending a helping hnmi to the weary, and succoring those in distress. No day is too hot or cold and no night too stormy ur dark for him to sit forth upon a mission of kindness. Yes, yes. All very fine, and far be It from us to chuck a brickbat through the stained glass window wlili li now colors your iew of life, but after you are married, what then? Will he continue right along In the Noble Character Husincss at the same old stand? Yea? You would not have him do otherwise? If his sphere In life Is to make the days brighter and the nights calmer for those who, etc., etc. Go on; we'll light a cigar. If you don't mind while you finish. So. And how are you going to feel when he flushes Into the Too Great a Chance. " Can't I WTltc you li policy en 5 out life?' asks the ii.tuiunte. ag. r.t. " N. t today," answers the busl n ss tea i. " I'd like to do some business li s might hard to get nr.;- now " "Till yiu what I'll do. Ill take tin ut her i nil nf the bet and Insure your coniany against invest igaHoti." Hut the agent hastened on his my. rk tli. g-t.fT, p. rn-.i; -! i y h ; i h- ik- On the Juntjle Line " I'!-! ii li 'T nl" ut thr w i f : I.' b p.n ii ..." a spot 'ill n tri ii' v In,.' ii.-k. i; t In kai gar Of til' ll.J " Potan i.s " No. U l.at i .ii In ii..?'- " Hi ii..-o vi i . :l..,t : 1 li" w is i t .:!:r;. i . wn: tilt the iliplisirt t.. i' t rut k in .tie car w v Ii. li.g It." " An J W lia; happi In l! ?" " I'. the g.i .ifTe got II 11. til.' neck of ci i.im ' Agitation. " I'li i '. h.i.g about t In se hi re lab 1 ng. uti is i Iim i id the tu..i ii I. tl.i lug Ii Ion Ii. ad and till .-.i. i wli.sktis " U n i; ;s .' ii.-Kr tin man who noti '.its ai.jbi.ii list tinjsh a 1 1 Il:.i t k. " Kuri.j thing nbi.ut tip here i:r.i ...i s,'' itsuii.id the ll;b t'.li. "O, Mr. Softly," natd the coy young thlnjj, " don't know wheth er or not to pit in the conservatory with you. You know they say a young mun is so opt to propose to one in there." "Not me. I think the place is hoodooed. I never had a hit of KoJ link propoMiij; to girls in con servatories. '' bii...i. i.ii 1 n..: "' or si b.g. ps. IS th. Iin agitating NARROW ESCAPE. XM -J," . readin you're 'Wot are you wasting so much time those papers you pick up for? While doin' that you might miss a good thing." "Now, this is wot I call a rare stroke o' luck. This here paper says the people in Greenville are payin fab'lous prices for laborers. An' we was jest headin for Greenville I" of waves and rescues some woman who his bien making eyes at him, and possibly writing him admiring notes? What about It. some evening w in n you have plan lad a nice, sociable chat ovtr the nnigazinos with hubby. If he rushes into the house, packs hU i ' ady r. lief kit, and sa'.liis forth through tne storm to succor tonit one of whose ex istiiiie you may by that time have, a paid, nablo doubt? We don't want to sink the barbed shaft of sus picion In your ln-art. but have you noticid that most Hi rove save b. au tiful ymu.g women? Men haiidsomi or homely have to save tli. msi iv. s, d n't tin ? U, vi ry well. Yts, we know he is your idiul, but if you make him stop heroliing and suc coring, thin the iiuall tiee that make him your ideal w ill have vanislud. Is It not so? No. Alfaretta, you misjudge is. Yts. we will go uway and mind our own business, but In fore we go we will say that we were not trying to mike you unhappy. We wire speaking I" sympathy with the No ble Young MaJl. Unhappy She. Gladys Van Rox Is of a sorrowful counte nance. Sim sighs mis erably. " Why this gloom?" asks her bosom friend. " I am unhappy," con Sumw hair." FORCE OF HABIT. I He easterner w no is vis. Lug In Kansas is utn xpoi ti dly lifted up by a cyclon- winch throws him against a stone wall, rolls him a. i-oss a cotn lli Id and slams him headfirst into a farm house. Aft.-r the resouing party has worked over him for an hour ho gasps for breath, sits tip and fo. My demands: "I lid anybody get the llcen.se number of the auto that hit me?" Changed Her Mind. "So you wish to bnak our i-nga-temf nt ?" he asked, bit terly. " I do; I feel that you do not appreciate me is you should." she responded. " Then I shall sue you fnr breach of promise, for a hun dred thousand dollars damages:-' With a cry of delight the fair young tiling thr.w In rself Into his arms. " Forgive me, Ooorge," she murmured. " I was mistaken. If you think my affection Is worth that much to you, 1 am yours." ITS NATURE. " here are " TI. rough my " I wouldn't v an tiling." A Liawnosis. T : . . ..: ..ut l. t l.;i.ks to pi ki some t .:i. a I 1 he ) oling w. in. in w l.o l.as Just cblall.td la : .us: .ill' M 1 ). "Aw, Miss Hiil. i." he says, " 1 Wi l li, i .1 y , u I'll n t. ii ine any thing a ' out my cast ." " I'. s.-ii..." "I .iin ;:. ul.ii d with shooting p in. .'.. : i. unie." tl.i y tin luting "' hi ad " u-ry If I were you. They'll not hit " li,l rat ion '.' Ml. I. hn1 THE ADVANTAGES. you enj .y the advantages of asks tin interviewer of the y be.-. .tin prominent. a college edu ni.in wiio has r '"ii L4 K r3oW i ;U J) H 'r f' 3 Hi MA? 7 i.it il- p. n Is on how ,oii look at it," leplies the i niiro tit pels in "My ol.lir biotli. r went to col li gi and he .ilw.t.s sent home liis last off tennis suits and other ilothlng. and I had to wear them. Hut 1 can t say that 1 really enjoyed it." Why Ask? "There goes .Mr. Hpouter." says the first person. " laid you ever hear htm deliver a public address7" " 1 should say so, and he is a tine orator, too. Hut w by is it t hat w hilt lit is ulwas at his tasi on the lla'.lV.nn ami c.in i: liver a lecture or a spieili ..n any ti I :c. at h.nu he ;.- as ijuiet us a i In in '."' " Ilt's man ii d. isn t he?" She Paints. Tei, ihe piinti china. Ah, you shrug, Became you think th Fainti her mug! The Pace ol Fashion. "Where's Mrs Ski Car this morning?" a.-ks the r.iighbor i flhi in. sipiito that is sitting on tin window screen with a frow n. " U. she s i ff gaddii g ub. u' that I '.buia:. :y with I.. i Cousir." " Wil li's shi i!. It g?' " Shepi'lr.g. Tin y said ih. y sin. ply bad to havi s n-.e of those ni w giims tin piof. s sors disccviinl yisutday." "What does Mr. Henpeck absurd name, I suppose." "He calls it 'The Wife.'" "Hob) odd!" iiinnai r mr mi mt'r'f ' call his auto? Some "Isn't it. He says he's afraid to try to run it, because if he does it may bloU him up. " J losophlT. All in the Family. woman." Paul Jon. s is walking about gloomily In The Difference. " lii -cause a woman is mar ried to one man." ebsirvis the individual with the un ci rtain .y blows. " f he thinks she tindirstar.ds ull whir men." " Ai d because a man Is married to one woman." re marks the graibiardid phi he knows he never can understand any tides Gladys. " Mama wants me to marry tho duke " O. how perfectly line! And you are true to your " "There Is no other love affair. Gwendolyn." " Then why are you unhappy because your mama wants you to marry the duke? " The duke doesn't seem to want to marry me." ilea tie and have l got the The Story o! Misplaced Effort. There was once an advertising genius whose Ideas really rose to the heights of In spiration. After erecting signboards all over the biautiful plains and valleys, along the wooded shores of rivers, on floating buoys In the ocean, and amid the shifting sands of the desert, he learned of one lovely spot where as y t no one had put up a reipiest that you try Hingle'g Illacklng, in blue letters on a yellow background that shut off half the vista. It was a mountain range, marvelous for Its majestic contour and rugged beauty. He hastened to the spot, and stood for some moments entranced. " And I saw It first!" he murmured to himself. Within a few days he had secured exclusive privileges for advertising there. Then hl great project came Into being. An Immense corps of workmen was brought to the place, and after a year's labor the mountain range had been carved into towering letters urging the beholder to " KAT BIFF." But The tourist public, finding that the mountain range was no longer a mountain range. n fused to visit the spot any more; the rail road spur which led to It wasted into two stnaks of rust, the summer hotel became the haunt of the wild bird and the prowling beast, and desolation Jumped tl.e claim T"day the advertising genius broods over a Moated expense account and sigh fretfully. The shade of Styx villi-. " What seems to be on your mind. Mr. .Ion. s. Admiral, I mean?" asks Adam. "Why. they've tak. n some remains to Am burled them for mine-and I'm not d ad .-un right ones." "Will. I wouldn't worry over it if I w. re you. My recollection Is that 1 bunched ipiite a lot of peopl- under the name of Jones, so you may be sure that the chances are very much In favor of their having found one of the Joneses, at any rate." " Re sure you a then go aln ad." " Hut." aski d a " bow Is one la kno " Kasy." i-epli. ,1 " I-'asv. You may ahead." How to Know. re right." advised Davy Crockett. ' and man with an undecided look in his lyes, w w hi n he i.- right ?" a Uaiily pionei r wilh I'm. out whiskers, be sure you arc right if you come out If someone read as if th ho fi Little Henry's Slate. will write a high society novel that will not iiiIb'T w. re if t.-rmined to show how much he ! about !,--rHtts this world will 1." more like a 1 o e worth living in for those who try to kei p pace with lit.-rature. No Alternative. t r " An- you the person who answers ques tions?" asks the worried looking man who enters the oftlee oX the answtrs-to-tlie-anx-lous editor. I am." rvpliea thut Individual, answering a qui-etton right away, as you see. " Then w hat I want to know Is. wlil it be wrong If I wear a pair of piald brown trous ers to a morning wedding?" " It certainly wi:i. You should wear a light gray stripe, " But the plaid brown ones are the only ones I have." Hate imaxftm j j t I j i M isnomer. Some men who look extremely bored. Borne women stifling half their yawns And thinking that they can't afford To let their necks be tanned a bronze. OR COURSE. " What we want." said the railway manager to the concocter of catchy advertising, "is a phrase to advertise our road. The trouble Is that our line runs through tunnels nearly all the time, so we can't use an expression that refers t i scenery .r any th. tig of that sort." "Tunnels, eh?" ri marked the advertising genius "That's easy Pall it the Bridal Tath.' ' The trouble about naming battleships for states is tnat this always gives some other wise unnoticed man a ch nice to arise and demand In the fair name of the state that no wine be um-J in the christening of the ship. Health Hint. " 8ir." aayn the lady with the lorgnette to the gruff old doctor. " I do not appreciate the way In which you spvak to me. as if I were one of the common herd. And you have kept me wailing f r an hour. I wish you to know that I have blue blood in my Veins." " Humph' 1 m gain' to lix that,'' growls the doctor. " You'll have to qu.t "..iu:g so much traah, and take aome iron and quinine." Borne vapid youths .v think that they Aie being Called for l. y a gill; Not very lively? No? But Bay, This Is the dizzy social whiri. Af'er trying to ii-number rvi ry good Ihing we have i v. r eu'en. we have com.- to the i on elusion that about the best there was going w jre. the green apples and salt of the good old days. Them Was His Sentiments. The member of tlie committee handed to the busy man a blank which lend: " I hereby subscribe the sum of dollars f-.r the fund for the bwicfit of iV, natives of WayotT Islands." The busy man studied the slip of paper for a m mt and then chuckled. " IWs it appeal to yoq, sir?" asked the commit t cman. ' You bet. It bits me. Fellow doesn't i v. n mi d to fill In those blanks. As It stands It expresses my feelings." A Correction Needed. "Giddums a: C... !,,. . " read Mr. Spluggi. as be passed the window of the tirm O at b ait in writ.ng "u piles. " Well, ihey may know their bu-in. ss." be commented, " but that's a mighty fun ly way to spell Ink." About the time a man c :. - t . p. for youth, be is exposed and tiim hi known as a i,:i;.i,ng Star is a Warning Migtia.1. A Vacation thought. The lake is placid, fair and clear, I fish, and watch my line and bob. And wonder, while I loiter here Who'll try to steal away my job. To drive along the shaded road Dehind a nobly prancing cob Is fine, but gloomy thoughts forebode That some one's legging for my job. At night the purple sun goes down And zephyrs sing and sigh and sob And then my thoughts fly back to town Who's trying now to steal my job. F.very girl has picked out a romantic stag.- name tint sh" will us.- when i-he reali7.es her ambition to triad the boards. The Social Lapidaries. " Yes," says the lady III the blue voile, "be tries to act as if lo- A. re a diamond in the rough." "That," i ..ii.iia r.;s th.- i.m in w h.t, .-: pp. i -, "nri-t I ..- w Ly so many people l .iVi cut h in " . The Builders. The cats put up a building To shield them from the dogs For week! and et ki they labored To cut the catalogue!. And then ail through the summer We heard the boas cat-calli: " Baiie up the cat irplllara And build the caterwalli " The Question. "Thiii g. is Mis.? Frizr.ice. They say a n.iii pup.std to her to win i b. t .nee. id j -an, Md into the riva r afterwards " " L':d t !.i .in-, pt ! im?" Then and Now. He used to call her " birdlike " But Time's grim work la mighty; Today be views her actioni And swears that she li flighty. Too Much. He wrote a poem to the sea And then he climtei aboard A th:p and read bis verse, did he And then the ocean roared. ;v. y..: Vi.:; o -v:,-;.::!';:!: .' :v;:'''...-:.:-':. :;'.'" :-;'.-'. '-.';-' -. -. V: .-':'.':;'.','.' -:: -sV-- :'. ,'-. '.':' "v .-::.-' vVt"hj - '- ' ' ' v.-'.-'-v-'.-' $ Jin JJlpbabci ol niollocs II ii : C?1$K for mbat Vou II W Want will) the 6x SS '0 ctpHoii of J.(Itlce. '-.'. .' :-.'..'.'.-' " ' ' '....''. -.'..'.'.:.'."' . !- ;' y -''':-yx:i;S-: Mr. Migglebury on Etiquette. I'ti.ia. a rt mil ire ::i.UI'lte IS i II. a - .1 g " said Mr t li .l. t : e I woni h f..r th n for f inf. t ni i thiid. .., I i g -1 ! . 1 1 1 . wlo-n f brea. h . " Th. when In Alway s when tl provide bims. " Also, tin man. Maybe me for giving to thank me. 1 ;h . i- p. tub i:...: l. M.-lgli '11! . " IS i the new s;.:ij.i rs II. 1 In;. I that it ;.l h, r hand il-.. t a man s'i ail l t.me ! i'. s a iin er thing. I've be. md magazines, and I've is hi.:h! mi. roper for a ir.-t tinu h" c.il's. bat t .r.-t- I.. !...;,! the lulv's n r. a.l.ng the ci b arned that most i.omg woman to hen is nothing to hand tlie second. in t ! I - I'll' Illall I. sh ur't.-s;. -ii stii li I see that the . leal il ' mu make in. t: I' -r !'. .1" and '.I li g. but s ; let hi iuIN. I i If itll a . ; ni'Iiiii mi; I', ma I I have th h. i m she was 1. lo r heart that wo h id In tud. . " There is too m rtason w) wedding ? i g '.! : t ;t 1 e I; i pro tut ,s lia 1 t is w h.t. b .1. to im.i M"S necessary to give rules and 1'. in the affairs ef a couple ' hand of Ihe girl Is a grave w . man n. e-1 t I i 111 till.l ll.:- ,.s lial an.l c. the pure stulT win: t i Know, s w arm .1 la vi r, ni vi r, nev i. on this. I do not n call ar I'.is-.bli. instead . f o rig it in iring in mind tin properly mtr the hall with the young Man cane and g. t out by himself, t men take along their hats the eti.iUe'.te for tho gentleman to T to .i ak to a strange ny woman ever thanking i Hooking an opportunity ir. lib. und eonv. ntionalities. and wishing in .lin e.l. so that she might i xpress her era-ti y iin ti s! For In.-; na i , . T 1 . 1 1. ! Hot 1-1 some! tie to f..r i..'ngs I ! 1 1 s Id .".her tell ill. a 13 cent cigar when one Is sun king it? Is it i belt, or a belt with susp, inl. i s. or miliar with I wear my ?.'i0 f a 11 t. my straw hat to nit I a social pariah if pro b I g it. ev. n if t to Ini ans of a e i o at to ihnn SELF-PROTECTION. di 15 .1 ' - "Robbie, you should be ashamed ol your sell lor Mrlklnu your llllle brother." , "But, mamma, I bad to do It to protect mysell." "Why, the idea!" "I did. though. II I hit any other boy's little bro'.hcr, the other boy will whip me." ml not any for men. Is there hny than what to wear at an aftornN'ii Is it tapir to have the gilt band on troot form to wear suspenders wi'h a both, or words to that tffect? Should tempi ratlin- is In the ills? W hy can't I fas-ten id hooked over my coat button? And why am r needing a shave, while the man wilh n full h. a I'd which Is lets nn re w hiski r. t ban mine- is ull right?" Srtne if us cam t un i!i rst ii. d I . w pi-i pie' can I', su. i . .-.-I al w it hollf 1- - it g i ia a it, d and tl.e t, st of u cannot under stand w hi pie cannot le successful without hi ing Conceited. Ti e man who lias two piittj daughters and a in- sb.na d porch never is to sit i n tl;e porch, in 'a s? he has a fad for doing so In the winttr. No matter bow sensi ble tl.e w. man Is. then ate days when She wil. sit with t"ipt!y vacant i yes and dream of the time wi i n John w ill have st : in k it rich and they t in ha vi a louse with a pi rle coclare. line of these days we are going to Introduce a mat; win. was once poison- d by poison ivy to another who Is forever telling about the time he w is almost run over by a train. THE NEW KIND. " Hello." said the pat ron ever the phone to the coal dealer. " Say. why didn't you s. i d n e the kind of coal 1 or d. red?" " I " Y " Y speeitU did. sit." mi di.i n s. sir. T d it." answirod the coal mun. I inbred egg coal and this stuff Is in chunks ns big ns your hat." ait's ostrich egg coal. If you wanted any other kind you should have "I only know that I love oti White hand of li e in ante us dam " That's nothing to hi ig . f hand out of his n . h " Ilv- r one who knows sono tiling that Nothing to Drag Of. breathes the ardent swain, reaching for the Illy 1. rep ....ly We .lt on the broad .azita. of a song thut is b. ing sadly strained. " Who is iliat si:ii:ii g"" asks the man whs " That is Mi . Yeiper." . xphiii s the man who " What's he tri ing to sit.g?" " A bunting song." "Huh! Sounds us If he was bunting trouble h s the beauteous damsel, putting her Illy white in town knows thai. The really bright man Is f. w o titers know." HUNTING. in the gloaming. From the parlor comes the strains cigar has gone out. Iways tells tlie same story. A m Comb nation I'ph Fnr. w brill and Man.'.y Or. i i - l.a Ing been j iin ny, tin y il"" .1. .1 to i rr.-t a s.gn ui.li h w ould in. la a i-oiiid Hhll ... followed Aftir i. seen struggle with uap box, l-lph nailed up a i gn which read: d together In the bonds'nf iji;iu-i-te that tlifir rfspe'-tire vocations brash. oi i ii t , and the lid of a Yvlllli: WA.SIUN WMITi: FOKIIS U'ASHIN IH'N THEIR MIDST. IN Such lovely clilldrcn, Mrs. Goose, ' purred Mr. Lion. "It Is so kind of you to say so, Mr. Lion." "Not at all. My little ones are very anxious to have yours for dinner very soon."