There is riothlrg o
a uu t a Mr p as to
llHVe p- .- f-.lut i.ut
the f i al you thlr.k
y ii ti i vp hidden suc
ci ssf lilly.
Yell IMC KUeSS W hh-
In two ill Hats if a
man's s;i 1 ii by the
ay in w hich he s t n:
' I was raised i, i ra
tio com; ! ry lnr "
T?e Top o the Morn in
JF. TP.JSTesbit.
THE REAL EFFORT.
wiv Mil
till Ii
'It is such an effort to keep cool nowa
days, isn't it. Nr. Shubbs."
" Not half so much an effort as it is to keep
from making an effort to keep cool."
AIDS TO POPULARITY.
" I havi n t decided just nhcrr I shall go
during August," says tin- possible maris'..
" Hiin r ili riili' to slop at our place,'' urm s
the advance man of ttie fummi r resort.
" What attractions have you?"
"Four hi it sst s, six actn ss s. two popular
novelists, three army fllci rs. one plutocrat,
and a mineral spring "
CS9
The raits In the Case.
Maud Muller. on a summer'! day
Btood in the meadow, raking hay.
The judge rode up. and stopped to chat)
Maud said: " I find I'm getting fat,
" And so I work but what's the usel
It seems I simply can't reduce !"
The judge replied ; "Youfatl 0. fudge!
You're simply plump, or I'm no judge.'
Maud sighed : "I'm not bones and skin!
The sad part is: I might have been."
Enjoyable Outing.
We meet our tri ml w ho has bi i n sn 'tiding
two w t eks ut tlto riwii'l fa mid for Its scent ry
and outdoor attractions.
"Have a good time?" f ask.
" Ureal," In- replies.
"They say rpp-Thcrr-hy-lbi -Lake Is a
pleasant place for a vacation."
"It certainly is. Why. tl . lucl.t rii 1 k at
that hotel is Hie h st partner at bridge I ever
found."
Her Limitation.
" Ti most uncanny." she repined;
" With canning things I'm losing hope.
Since after all my work I find
I simply can't can cantaloupe."
As It Will Be.
" I know it sounds unkind." remarks the
man with the unci rtain cyi . " hut I shall he
j-l.nl when tin re are no old inhabitants 1. ft
to tell us about how tin y 1. mi ml" r .-hooting
deer where the heart of tlie city now is."
"Well." ohsi rves the man with tie fa ls
shirt front, "when that day arrivm there
will he an entirely new lot of old Inhabitants
w ho w ill ri member
INFORMATION WANTED.
This, gentle reader, is a picture of a
young man and a young woman who re
cently started out for a spin in an auto.
At a point where the road wound around
a steep hill, the young man demanded a
kiss, threatening, if he were refused, to
run the auto over the embankment and
p.untfe headlong to the valley below, with
auto, girl, and all.
Have you heard of any such auto wrecks
in your neighborhood ?
Neither have we.
forecast it. Hut a man who wears tight shoe has no need of statistic.
At the Bookstand.
" Is that next month's Rustler
mng-izint ?" asks the patron, Indi
cating the periodical In quistion.
" Yis. sir. but It is a back nutn
bi r now." says the d ah r
"A back nunilur? Why It Is
only the first of this month, and
that magazine Is dattd for next
month "
" I know, but nowadays the
magizims for two months from
now come out the week bi fori the
cum nt month, and a magazine
that is only a month aluadof lime
is nally six wit ks old."
Migglesbury's Musings.
Monday morning I no t the kin;
of the pessimists. He claimed that
it' a man didn't havt time to go
iway on .1 vacation he could attain
the same 1'isult by scotching the
back of his nick with a hurtling
glass, losing his mom y out of a
huh In his pocket, and i ating noth
Iiik that agreed with him.
Tuesday It was the otlur way
about. This time It was ,.n opti
mist who ovi rworks his optimism.
Hi insisti d upon being optimistic
ovir my mislorluio s. We usually
can tell the other man how he
could have avoided the banana pi il
that threw him.
Widiiisday aft. rnoon a pedilh r
tried to sill mi a blank when on I
might record the condition of the
Wiath. r dally, and thus be able to
Thursda
ell tile St.
TV I
friend came home
4 his cxiMTicnces. ;
"in a three weeks' tishins trip. He took two hours to
d i.t t once did he mention any big fish that got away.
Friil. tv ' bi f i i. titled a poor man
i Hit nf charity, I let him whet mini
by talking horse races to me all the
by shurpening knives,
of my sof thcartodness
says the philanthropic
" and had It set up In the
and when we returned we
UNHAPPY LAD.
ALMOST.
" I bought a new chxrk the other day," observes Hrjlggers,
hall. That very evening my wife and I went fur a short walk.
found the cluck "
"done?'' Interjects the flnlsh-other-pN.ple's-remarks person.
" Not ouite," explains llcjiggcrs. " lint we found it going."
Supporting the Theory.
" Yes, 1 am n twin." says the man with the mo( nn his ear.
" Well, pardon nip If my question is personal," says the man with the undecided cye-
iirous, 'Iml I nave read that twins always exper
ienced the same Sensations of pleasure or pain. Im
that true?'
"My exptriince Is that il is practically true. In
youth," says the twin.
" In youth? Then as you grow older this char
acteristic leaves?"
" I'm. might say so. I remember that when my
brother and I were small boys the pleasure of stealing
Jam was simultaneous with us, but the pain of moth
er's Flipper was not It depended on which one she
caught first."
An Open Question.
Our friend, the famous wit and raconteur, has been
pitting In studious silence for upwards of a quarter of
an hour. Kearing that he may at any moment break
forth with the story he has told us over fifty times
already, we ask:
" What's up, old man? What makes you no sol
emn?" " Nothing much," he answers. " I was Just trying
to decide which Is t)e most annoying, to be inter
rupted In the middle of a story or to be permitted to
finish. It and then not get a laugh."
DRAMATIC NOTE.
We unit our friend the eminent tragedian, who
started out last spring with a tent show version of
Hamlet.
" 11 Ilo." we say, pleasantly, "home again?'
" Yes." he responds.
" Pi.l your show have much of a run?"
had of a wulk," he responds, and posses on with the
"Dert. 0' course me Sunday
school teacher 'd hive to come
along jusf as I'd studied up a
brand new tusswotd to say at
Hicksf Murphy. An' now dat
she's gone by I can't remember
what de word was I "
" Not as much na th company
mincing gait of one who has walked the ties overmuch
As the belle of the ball
Unfortunate Result.
Iiasses they begin commenting upon her appearance.
" A remarkably beautiful girl,"
that peculiar squint In them?"
"Yes." says the sH.'ond. "The
way she acquired that squint was:
She rend ti e beauty hints all the
time, anil followed them, with
tlie result that she became beau
tiful, but the strain was too great
for her eyes."
How to B Popular.
" The way to be popular with
a man." asserted the girl with
the beauty patch on her chin. " la
to make him thii k you think he
is vi ry clever."
"There's a Ih iter plan than
that." declares the girl with the
golfing tan on hi r arms.
" What could be a better
plan ?"
" Make him think you don't think h" thinks lie la clever."
1
says the first one. " Hut Isn't It a pity her eyes havo
Little Henry's Slate.
r
f
t
t
j
Mis Joy,
The busy bee Is flitting from rb'.v r to flower, Industriously accumulating honey as
rapidly as possible.
" tine moment," says the butterfly. " Po you not feel that you are wasting many op
portunities for enjoy mi nt by laboring so continually?"
" O, 1 don't know," replies the bee, dipping its nose Into a verbena.
" Why, do you ever have any fun?"
" Sure. Kvery once In a while I get to sting soma person who Is showing the children
how beautiful it is to be kind to bees and birds and animals, and that by kindness and
gentleness even a 1ih may be picked up in the hand."
L
An Alphabet
of JoKes
nmjrn
IS an nnknovs qnantlty
We used to know, bat we forget,
Why it, preceding T and I,
Vat thrown Into the alphabet.
It represent! the thing untold;
For initanee Z might represent
The store of Rockefeller's gold
That la his chilled ateel sate la pent.
t
la Somas numerals the X
Stood (or ear modern sign of 10 -Bookkeeping
vts a thing oomplei,
Sob traction wan distraction, then,
Today the Z is not so hard
For most of ns to comprehend;
We Tiew it with a fond regard
Ere bud ag it to aome old friend.
the days win n the
original old inhabi
tants told about those
deer being shot."
Why givi nn dais to
heroes? If tin y wi ar
them we are sun to
say tin y are terribly
concetti d.
who was making a livi iihooil
for nir. and he took advantage
time he was grinding the knife
Ue for Like.
" Here Is a million dollars for the h 'alliens in (looloolooland
magnate, hurrying in:o tlie mission ofli.-e.
" Pony, sir," replies the clerk. " hut w. can't take your money. It Is tainted."
" Huh. Fo's your blamed old heathens. 1 Just got buck from a tour through Gooloo
looland, and I saw em."
A wise woman say s that the tixuible al
hero in a book Is thai before long he want
What we should like to sec is a U'-te
about his appi ndicitis and the man w ho
his auto broke ili.wiv
ut marrying a man who acts and talks like the
to ad and talk like the hero In another book.
'i-u"li between the man who Insists upon telling
ompi Is you to listen to the story of the last time
THE DEAR GIRLS AGAIN.
M VI .k'tr-Wi t.: .1Nn o.5.IV IV il NTJi;
"Isn't it terribly qniet here? Not a thing going on, and
no men about but that Mr. Hazzit."
" 0, 1 can't say that it is altogether nnbearable. Mr. Hazzit
proposed to me this morning."
" Tes ? He told me yesterday evening that he was almost dis
tracted trying to think of something to do to relieve the monotony."
THE BETTER PART.
lf you knew which horses were Colng to win, and could
always bet on them, couldn't you "
No. It would be better If you knew which horses were
going to lose and could always keep from betting on them."
Suspicious Action.
We come upon the auto, stand
ing at the brow of the hill.
" Hello," we say to the chauf
feur. " Broken down?"
" No, sir," he responds.
" Out of gasoline?"
" N sir. We have plenty.'
"Tire puncturtd?"
" No, sir. The tires are in per
fect condition."
" Lost your way?"
" No, sir. The country here
abouts is very familiar."
" Dropped something from the
auto?"
' No, sir. Nothing of the sort."
" Then w hy are you standing
here? Why are you not shooting
down the hill and across the level
at a terrific speed?"
' 1 do not care to do that," says
the owner of the machine, who
has 1 -sen silent until this moment.
" 1 had my auto stopped here so
that I misTht enjoy the magnill
cei.t view from this elevation."
With a frightened glance at
him, we turn and hasten to the
nearest town, to warn the officials
that an evidently Insane person
is at large in an automobile.
Cant Stand Prosperity.
" Is Scribhlett working now?"
" No. His friends can't get him
to settle down to work again."
" What's the matter?"
" He made live thousand dol
lars out of his book on ' How to
Be Economical; or, the Royal
Koad to Riches.' and he won t
work a lick until he goes broke. "
Progress.
" Is your son taking lessons in
Jlu Jitsu?" we ask of Mr. Bilfitser.
" Ves, I believe he is taking a
course of instruction in it," he
replies.
"Is he making much progrws?"
" Well, I don't know whi thi r
he is or not. but at last accounts
he had learned six different ways
to pronounce the name of the
science, or fad, or habit, or what
ever it may be."
The Gambler's Vace.
"That man over there always has such a cool, unmoved ex
pression." obscrvts tile man with the dis- unrated hair.
"Cool?" n peats the man Willi the gold tooth. " Cool? It's
easy for hlrn to Im- cool. It is said that he is a shady character."
MISTAKEN 'SOMEWHERE.
A Daring Costume
" They suy Mollie's bathing
eult is very daring."
" O, you should see it
doesn't describe it."
"Is It possible? Is it so Bhort
as all that?"
" Why, It is not short at all.
But it is a vivid yellow and gretn
plaid, trimmed In red and blue."
"That doctor promised me a year ago that he
would give me a new crop of hair, and now he
says I've got to quit smoking or have heart disease.
If he isn't any better on hearts than he is on hair
Daring i'm going to make a change.'
A man in Indiana thought he was suffering from unrequited
love and wrote several very sad poems, but the ductors diagnosed
his trouble its appendicitis, operated on him, he got well and I
trying to figure out how to change those poems into soap advertisements.
Almost ry nun is wi!
that he is happy.
Isn't it a.-ii i.a-l.ii.g I
ar.d folks that ilui.'t : g!
Some! .; is nut will:
live f I tl' I . I 0:e hi II
Wolked. Would be ti e
taph.
for you to hi g lie.
wit !
t.,1. rate food
a ti . i r i ii la
til. if it ci uld
abolition i f the
F.fty in r ct-r.t
luck " is h-iniply u
Judgment.
u 1.
t is termed " I. aid
1 of lazii.t ts ai.d poor
Room for Speculation.
" Ah. madam." says the gentleman of Chesterfloldlan de
mt . trior, "u rtainly you must have quaffed of the fountain
of eternal youth. Your "
" Sir! " interrupts the lady.
" Pardon me. Surely you have not taken offense."
SANS PEUR ET SANS REPROCHE. :rhH vHi
that I am young, or
that you think I am
old and don't look It?"
Hut vie cannot we why a man shi uld be
laughed at for usil g hair tm.ics any mi re
than for wearing a woodtn Kg.
While the wcitw n are t-ilking about honor
ing the m. inory i f tl is ,u J that great bene
factor of tl tlr six low is it that tt.ey i.ivtr
have iricti ii a ni. i.i.im t.t to the man who
invintid miirors?
Those were the gm u old tim-" s . w hi n a man
got n .--p ctf ul att.iti'.n 1 tll.ig tow l.e
lean. id I., ridt Li.ycle iioi;i- Iw.hD,
The (Irish of a gre it m.iry na! l.fe ro
mances r. in. i i!.-- us of a m ill l.o rurshke
mad to catil. a tr. Hi) car that is Hailed
in the in xt block.
Si wadis 11 i- Won el'. talk as much about
hf w mui h Jelly ar.d cai.r.i d fruit tl.i ir cooks
put up a the ni. n if twii.ly )ears ago
talked if tl.vir own : k In that l.ne.
Things are so uriai.ijid r.nw that it c -is
you as much for ilo'.lns for " roughu.g it "
on your vacation as ft.r cloth to m.'.1
ar. 'ind in a! s-n . pl.n-e . f fashion.
"But, poor fellow, why do you
not wear better farmcotf ? Surely
some charitable pcrtoos would give
you "
"Ah. kind lady, if I did not wear
deae rajs an' tatter if I wore more
presentable attire what would de
neighbor ay if dey saw me tilkin'
to you on your side porch?"
No Fallow Fooling.
" No. sun," says our
friend. Colonil Blud
dygoah of Kentucky.
No matteh what you
say about the Japan
ese. I cannot fell any
admiration or appre
ciation of thtih ex
ploits." " But," we argue.
" It si ems to us that
any one would thnil
with enthusiasm a;
reading their rtmark
a b I e exploits, and
their "
" No. suh," he inter
r u p t s. " No Ken
luckian. tuh, woull
eveh feel any thr.ll
whin reading about
people who do their
Ih st tightin' on watah,
suh."
IJV THE STUDIO.
EL
"So lew artists have been able to paint my face as I '
"As yon conld paint it yonrseif? Quite so, madame."