LigM ei;r ieae;
now Lt i it ft disease
-pt' ii'j' tri i tr
rt r ir iiwiri
t urD""d ic w.
' -
The fop o the Mornin'.
By
W. D.JVesbit.
We t m i mocrered
t J v I k rue h
pf.ttt mar. In M
Chit t!(M flTi no
(.- noe triMl.
V
-V.
0
si
Hurts Ills Business.
1 heir that Lariat Luke ot religion
orer to this here revival at Grof try Gulch
lat falL"
Well. I hope he backslides before the
week 1 out. Them there reformers Is do
ing more to ruin my bu tineas than the
climate."
mn ytiwe.
Tb ) lata Be gas. beat oa tbt gnat
The jrrial eaif bo port spot tat lea;
The nuat rpritr1 ap all ready for Uii pi.
Tat hirdt da tptoc .w ta tb tret
All nature ceemt to W attuned t rt-
Tbe wind art hipTing that It U playtime;
Tbt felotaomt wo ta ia the bumble bee
"STc all art rather lair la la "aaytiin.
Tb eload refnat ta rain 4hey only pan
Like loaf art Boating a aa axurt aea :
Tb. hawaook hat a ct arm f or sack f air la,
ad Uu aa added chant tor you ant ma;
Ta frtfer baa bit e6d? aa bis tot
Tbca Mine e'er tb link all throagb tbc daytiiat
Aal snake tbc eon, perhap. ts ainrty
three j
- all arc rather lary m the JEaytitB.
Tbc lihermaa bat dreamt of ttriklng baac
Bat nun bimaelf beneath a tpreadia tree .
Tbt oook Quit nunc coal ana tani the r
As independent peraon, too, ii ah :
Tbc fucini irkiatlt ragtime off tbc key
And make a dirge of That 1 unit for gay time :
Seme laaaitofie afferte tb ambit tea
W all arc ratber lax; in tbc Xaytime.
riTTOT.
0 gentle Vuae, to whom we bend tbe knee.
7e cannot York like farmer! vhea it't ha
time
T thirk ir n made It plain aa A, B. C,
art all arc ratber lax? in tbc Xaytim.
The Pursuit of Art.
Little Henry's Slate.
r
Serious Mistake.
The mm who ha Iwn taken from the wreck of Ue
automobile anfl tarried to tbe hoFpital i asked what hia
sunt is.
" Spuddsgot." be i' ifixra
Spuadnrot," wniFir ttic mrfreona one to anottier.
"Tin murt t tbt ii ultimillionii-irfc. "W'e laust oj'rate
pe him."
tp the ci-reiii room
they runovt hit ap-r-Tia:x
atifl ar cirnn
irF ;h-ir ir:p:runcTila
when enc pf tbe srTn-
the bat t
tliCUFi.t hirrifie'lf 1c
notify the family hy
telej-hoae rus-he iuto
the rtK)in anfl sbpm.:
Thia 1 a je.rritile
mian.ti.ke: V'f ruv
mafl? a utouc ditf
Imioi;ble! " cry
tb otbera.
' B-ct art hare. It
it ti.iK mari'a trpthr
who it the rnultnuj-
Charrined. tb eurpi-cina attempl to palliate the pa
tient ty offertna" him hit appendix neatly preserved in a
cut rlasa Jar of alcohol.
f
f.
3 "
" A .a. a
to
Would Rather Guess at Them.
Bobby Explains.
6. tier a" pih.e to xpuse hr. hut
t-ittj't iw yt u IolM." Fk.id little brotw.
BUtT. ' t?he lit her pcid hair p:r nr.3 t.1
ffV.t IK) bad aiout r. ihe mj-;i.f in If
room."
"That't tri bai" b.d ti.e yrur.p mil.
" Bit you run up ard toll jur m.f-:i 1 tf.te
her f rt e voctti't come i-ini arywby
cuiifttf K-e be- and not the hiur jic te-li her."
Iut ytu can't her wiiiu ui she hcl'
pic tonaiAt. becanpe :'
a .tick;r:E in r i
rwitrb that aa 1f :nr
nt tiie rhi r trd '.re
iff c;ini "! r i d
t-iibh'-d I; ar.d t un cu:
ol tt.e Lout- coa s
tt ir.r1 with both
of item."
Fatly rcvitea For.
' 1 Rt.ould t:k to aeH
y('U tii1! Ca c li'idia of
ftltf t sal Kjip 1--dc
." he agnt.
"It rxitnea it i wlof
rwwiity Tiiluniefc. with
Mro volume of E in
dex, and btid- that
thesre are ten v.Iuroet
cf reviwone ar.a eight
voluroea ff auppVtswTic al Irxformaitifii. mak
irif a "
' Ior 1 wi-fl it." iiiiterrupte the man. My
oUeat Vpy r"; lhrcmph cciuec thia tprir.t
and1 icy yonrferi dfiurhteir pradmale from
the hip Khool. I'll not ever, have tp ark
question about any.hiiie I teci to know
tWn rummtr."
v k i n a
TV. If f.it
yvc . At-?
Sun the c !
Is or papa making any purcltasea
trom the exhibits 7"
" N ot yet. It Is so bard to tlnd what be
wants 7
"What Is he looVdng lor? Landscapes or
Ilgnres T"
"II reatly doesal matter so moth, 11 the
picture Is ol a site that will fit the odd
shaped space on the wall over the tire
plare T"
Her Speed.
' Thit i wonaerfol," anj the man at the end cf the
trolley car to no one in particular, and without looking up
trom hie paper. "A man ha invented a telegraph ttitoru
ue.nt that will i".-nd 4;;.(kki word an hour. 1 wonder what
that contrivance look like."
"I'll bet." munes a little, harnod looking man et the
other end of the car a if he were Fjieaking to no one in
jmrttrular. that one t ing hlmarlf, "I'll btt it liifks a
good deal like my wife."
EASY.
The rersoauicj.
Tkitrt'a a li. wbt waabe, a lacy Tbc .cn.b.
A lair wbt oockt all tbt Aitbea.
A lay bt iron, dowa there 'moarat tbt ttb.
A laty wboat tnatina bruab twiabaa.
A lacy wbt anavtr tbt bell at tbt door
(Thia Mr-Tint affair la p'.aia bade
At ether fro tbiskert hart mentioned before
And a woman wbt part all tbeac ladiea.
The H-slth Cdturing cf Mr. Stjuncli.
A'.mhlpm SQUtcb he3t't a? very nucV.
w: t.g with him. Cf mnrt-ingF b aonx tiro'
uf f ri'J frttn a lac of apt-tii. tad maytn
a frbf '.sue it t.t mnuth tK-ca jot of tn ok.: c
to'' nJth the nigM h'f.re: aiso he oca
!Oi.Uy ercme feel.agthBt h couid t.i f r
or fjve hour lotper if he hid tie r, 1"! liloT'e.
Iierauae (f r-taj ir.p up to plhy chTd or 0.,
liarda Ptill. he bf tiot ettisfied w.tb hit
c-"nd:tjpn. Hi bioep were nm a.": Inrge t?
the plan!- and p;ec.ficaiiotit in. the healtb
n.apaa.rie aaid they tbouifl be and hi lunf
eittan)"!! fell rhort by twr irrhf .
ht joked rn: grip one f x end btti'-k
lilmt' If to Prcifeaaor Bette rr't Health Cu'l -re
farm, where a man c:ii:Ta ?et bo rear to
Mature that lit could pick Nature poc-ke:
if he ere sr it.rhr.ed.
The firi m irp after hit arrival he ttk 3
for a cap of c f it breakfast, and at lo.d
thai ci'C-t 'iiiiite'ea the crres. turned the
tcmaih ir.tp a ait caae tn3 affected hit"
thinking j.rwers. and that if he ev-r
pectvd to l-comt L.ittle Bright Hyet Le murt
then or.
So b did the beet be could on the tattere3 wrieat
producta. and really enjoyed the lierrnt and fru.t ihi t
liefore him. Liunctiwin wa raore rntt'and lurrns, ti:
with aet tiecauac duniig the morning he had boon com;
throug-b several different kind of muscle movement, to Kij n. . .
pf a ore e.i mile jiroenenade at what prcned l: be a heiart brci.i.
rate pf F-peed during tie fifth and sixth mile.
In the evening b? drew his chair to the tMe and UBke the a
tp letch mm a nloe. truck lieelsteak The waiter read turn a
permori r the enormity of the often of eat'ip. bcefrtetik.
after aome argninei.1 Absalom to; what war servei t: the
lieaune if be had obtained hie bw feteak tr e milk Fupply of
health farm would have ended then and there
tut oi wy cufek a ere-p;: g itj ana si: nntur at peat
lnrpirmg when AtaHim went to ihf room. g"t a ruci fi't cigar
rejiaired to the front piazza to have a hii Ai tie fore g it.r ti
little tied good and early. Lighting hie cigar was the niime a c.a
out the fire Department. The jriifeior. the manager, the nn'i.il
and a squad of waiter and attendant ruthed him and rt-1.'. v-o
h!m of his cigar. He was told impressive1 y that smoke shiirtencJ
hit life and vitiated the atmosphere, and he couldn't smoke there
any more than he could strike a match in a powder m '.l. lu :n.
of thia. and of being forbidden to reiaj a ttiagaB.be by gat light lie
cause it would strain his eye and possib'y mhke h'tn iktvolD.,
he managed to get in nine hour of fcleiep that night Vi'ithin tj
day they had him tamed and he fell into the routine readily.
At th end of a month his family wat gratified and surprisod to
nee a straight, husky, tanned peraon mount the front steps anC
Bay: " Hello."
It was Absalom Squnch. His flesh had been taken from where r.
should not tie and replaced where it ought to b. But Absalom had
a sad. worn look in his eyes.
" Iid it do you gjod, A trey T' asked hit mother.
" tv eli, yes; 1 puet. it did. I stayed the month out because 1 h3
paid in advance and I was goir.g to get my money's worth. But
now " he drew e big liit o.par from his pocket, having supped
at the tobacconist a on his way bomt " but now I n going to jet
Bick acin knd have a httie fun."
ftlOI
-f f -- - . t
rj5x..jfffj'
An Alphabet
of JoKes
une bride;
Tie Jcoc Bride )oi it like tb )gt
On craCtaet, art all the rest,
TLit iae Useir tm ei tosiu'i vtla
Is ttmor it it CT r trim.
Fcr instance., II fnnie time is TLty
k Tf'ttC eie to i niiid ihcull tty.
"JLrt yen to be Iritt i Jnnt! "
Ste jLitM rj)y: "TLU it e Boa."
C-, ilotli tke Irifitcrocm, sy, satQUt:
Lft'p make a fcrittl trip out voat,
?o Rprtk r-tlota." Brioe: "Ik, Jok.
" I't t'.titt to Itrre lattr on! "
o-t i
Case Hardened.
1 A m-t kn-.w wt.v this ticn 'i O'H-en't attract
k;i the j'i'liii'-'
;i T " F
r.
lio3
tt
:r.n
in i
her,
lbs
and
his
..re
a-.s pi. its.
y . i ti j a si
by 1 he ',.rs A'
average reade r
" Y 'U d .r i
after hav
friend..
u
a 11
i:.g
rig re
more atten-
H thrilis are what the putibc
re.iuiren.Tii a There; are fcghts.
" -ties or. every page Why. two
t. as Trie 'iui3 t.aie H'l the country
-t.at it wtitit in p iss tile to excite the
a v ? '
any on
d rrentie'd
get excited over fiction
Finance, do you" ' ask the
APPROPRIATE.
Extravagance.
Xroprt3tch and openwork, at atylea.
Are sot what fret our aonlt ;
Tia thia that f rceze all our amUei :
IT maat pay for the bole.
crie hi shocked
be more cartful in
shout the man.
agony. " Choice?
ia no choioe
"Dont yon want me to tell yon what
the long word mean?"
"No, thank yon, anntie. When the long
words are explained to me they are never
frif aa interesting as I imagine them to ba."
Why She Asked.
The woman with the thin lips, the keen ej ea. and the
sharp none approached the druggist conhdenuaiiy and
hisjierwd :
' Ik) you el hair dye. Mr. roperV
" Ye, roa'am." answered the druggist, is a tone which
wa meant to asurt the caller that m ild bora ould not
tear the secret from hia boaoro if she anted to Invent in
peroxide of hydrogen.
' Well, tell me." she aaid. her eye snapping. " don't
you aell it to that hateful friealy haired young thing that
haa moved into the new house three door above u and
who make eye at my t unhand every evening wt'n he
come home from the office,? I told hint list nigl.l be
needn t take suc h an inn-rest in her, because If she didn't
dye her hair she wore a wig.
I'.ut ttie diiilomatic druggEt txeueed himself ta ancwer
an Imaginary tele phiiie rail.
No Alternative.
The mn who hat trurk hit thumb witti
:he rrummer remove the injured member at
intervats ftyim between his lips aind tacrrtssies
himself luridly.
"My dar My dear!"
wife. -Do. for my sake
your choice of language. "
" Choice of language?'
whakir.r his thumb in
Madam, en a caae like this the re
of language!"
Whereupon he resume tbe f-evtred trend
of hut remark.
The Maaaeer About tbe Choral CirL
Tbeac cbomt gtrli oT mine
Arc getting on my aerrea
Each one bgt for a line
Vi hire them for their curvet "'
-
Hard to Understand.
Tea." teud the man. " 1 have bwn think
ing about moving to the country. Good few
me and the family. ou ktuw. to ret out
where we could have a yard, and a garden, and grass,
and lots of fresh air. and all thai cort of thing. But
there a on iieculiaj feature atmut it that 1 cannm umder
ctand." "What i it?" asked his fnend
"For the lat two yesr cverylMjy I knew that ha a
country place ha tie'en urging me to move out of the
city, and a :on a ttie-y had me converted every trjan
Jack of them waited to -ll me hi farm."
&fldJtZ&L2 I fu'.viitr' '.' "L j-"' IT' ,iMfi;'ito.W'i:i.
ri,
An Eye for Business
"Tou Unw old Multymimey. dont you
man that oullt the magnificent ton.b for h.rn
seuf?" " Tou mein tbe fellow who left a space forty
feet high and fifty feet wide on one side of the
mauBok-um for his epitaph?"
-Tes"
"1 he dead?"
" No."
"Id think he would wp regretfully every
time he thinks of having so much capital stand
ing idle in that tomb."
"Not he. Tou don't know him thoroughly,
after all. Hadn't you l-eard about his renting
that epitaph space to a bill board firm for
enough to make liim a Id jier cent profit on his
investment?"
i :
ef",
-w S)
Frenzied Sport
"A million you can't!" crie the first man.
" Done!" ejaculates the second.
Trawing their check books, each writes fts
cheek for a million d-ollara. The, ure dep-iajie3
with the clerk of the hotel, tocethe-r with a
memorandum of tbt t't. When ire rzo-n bait
departed we Bidie up to the ck-rk and ask turn
tbe nature of the wager.
" Mr. BpuddagoTt ha bet Mr. Burarrt a mil
lion dollar that be cbd pmrchaiie m trie ojKn
market at least cm g-oiid caatalou; during the
ooming eummer," explain the clrk.
"Is it hard to learn to smoke cifareU, Alfred?"
"Easier than the alphabet, Rcrmald. With but short sludj
you m in soon find that you have it at your tearue'a end."
"I don't see why she wears black when
she is only a grass widow."
"You never kiew her husband. then
He's a dead one."
Willi n to Inveet.
" Tes, Mr. G&inFnvE." says tin mental scientist, "It
will take but a lew absent treatments to re.-tore your wife to
tier usual health. You see . she merely tmginees she is ill.
and the thing to cio is to make her imagine rtit is well again.
Tor a." 1 would guarantet "
' Forty dollars to make t.er irnagitie she is well?" gaspa
the husband.
" Tes. Mr eJillmghuff , bu1 if yciu think that i exoesBire,
In your case. 1 rriigLt be will "
" Et'S" nothing! Sty. doc. I'll make it an even hun-dre-d
if y .j": ' .i '. tier tmai" irt 1 n: bend of the house."
Making It Even.
From Experience.
Eut why do joj want to get married? " ask the
neighboring woman of the tiacheior maid ho ha tieen
ooiug her ewi luousekee ping for five or six year " Tou
have gone ailcmg famously wit'a one or two servant., and
now you wart to tie y ourself up to a man for life "
" Ful he is jio persistent." argue the bachelor maid.
" He calls afreiro m i t'd evening and insists upon an
answe r.
" Tney all do." grimly
asserts tbe neighbor.
"And then." e akly. " I
thought it would tie wise
to have a man about the
house."
"Well, if that t hat
you want, don't you txts
marry him."
A Strantfe Place.
'It wearies me," ahe aaid. " thu vexing pnoblem
that come up every yer at thia time. No Boonex do
we return lrom the winter resort than we muct decide
whure tci p;iend the Bummer. John, can t you uggtt
some place that we've never hoen?"
" 1 might try." answered her huabamd.
" 1 don't iwic the mountain or tbe Vake or the
iklana I'm tired of them all What J want m aome
place that ill t entirely new and rtraage to u. Do
you know cf ueh spot ""
" Tea. That eary. J-"t'a atay at home.'
Business Proposition.
"But you tell me so m&ny things I cannot believe.
You are no worse off than I am. I tell you a w hole
lot of things 1 don't believe myself
Vc'lnalcsts.
" Our left wii.g is lost,"
says the second in com
mand. "andourr.gLt wing
it s ha tie-red. To ire it ap
pear, that we must Cj if
e iuid saxe the rest."
" Fly ? With both wing
gone ? " asks the com
mander. " Thi is ar. army
not an alr4.rp."
Al this juncture tbt third
IT: command mildly ug
gef.ee! running, and wa
imrreditely l.revtted for
able action in the Une of
duty.
Question fT a debatintj
t.citty i "Who Arc lb
Mow. Nucierout tt,e alee
Who relieve They Would
Have Made Great Editor
er ttt Woman Who Know
They Would Have Become
Gri-t .. ct reset ?
F.oy onoer arc all
right, provided they do not
Income premature did
Fogie.
Whenever your
hojiea are blighted,
young man, pause and
reflect that after six
month y ou wuU tie
wondering how you
ev-r oould have con
sidered such a circum
stance abligbi on
anything.
It odd that more
jieople can talk about
the " good old sor.gt "
than can sn.g one
stanra of ary of them
clear through.
May usually is such
a tieautiful month
that it make most of
us want to write
poetry whether we
cuii or not and the
trouble is me gener
ally cannot.
A girl talks of how
many hearts she hat
broker, with as much
glee as a movug van
bibo teils of the mir
ror be has smashed..
CntH you moved
I.ejther ye u tier your
neighbor knew ho
much worth lese fur
til ur you had.
A Change of Temperature.
it it
fear of
make
13 the
friends lap iT
a Quarrel tha
you pre-rv
pie; ure p'tst
'Little boy. 111 give you a dime tf you'll
promise roe you'll not smoke those vUecigarets.''
"Make it a quarter, miss. I can't afford
any odder kind but tie vile ones for a dime
I got to buy big packages."
card sent yon ry
acquaintance- be ate
Journeying in foreign
part.
Wky 1 it that i
plt win lint en to y our
cu" for poor v ork
but nil! give you tie
Boorr.fU; glanc hn
you attempt to tell
thm hew you did the
good ork.
"When aome fo'.k
talk e ruccea they
draw jierpendit ular
line tt-cugh tbc t s
thus: l itegt
I
s If I
"Ah. Miss Vert,
agreed tcith pea.
morning?"
"I teas."
t en Jock as thevgh this balmy air
jire yen enjoying the beautiful
