The pale blue tint of
your Easter n g
comes from the frap
pt compartment of
t h e c o 1 d storage
house.
The Top o' the M.orniri. By W. J). JSTesAit.
The rndlnp of Lent,
with Its concomitants
of new hats and
dresses. Is often the
bf pinning o f borrow.
Same Old Trimming.
Good tin, a many bati there be
Htti sold to dame or coy younf maid;
lack hati ai oa all heads we see,
Of wire or cloth or fancy braid
With lace and ribbons overlaid,
Toque, tnrban, flaring brims, or flat
But jokesmith's every year are paid
For last year's jokes oa this year's hat
Dame Fashion's ways are large and free,
Her hand by no conceit Is stayed
An Independent dame is she
Whose lightest wish mnst be obeyed.
Ah, grim the gsme that she has played,
But odd the sequel, as to that
Each spring you summon forth the shade
Of last year's joke on this year's hat.
The milliners mnst bend the knee
When Fashion draws her hatpin blade;
They chant In whatsoever key
She tells them, though protecting they'd
Prefer to work without her aid;
She makes a bonnet like a mat
Or set piece; still you keep the grada
Of last year's jokes on this year's hat.
ENVOY.
And so my Pegasus has neighed
To stop this reminiscent chat,
And I've committed, I'm afraid,
' A last year's joke on this year's hat.
. A Perfect Picture.
" Miss Beloozleum is a perfect picture to
day," aays the callow youth as Miss Belooz
leum appears.
r " Bo? " remarks the Jealous maiden. "A
perfect picture? Do you mean that she la
all cloth and oalnt? "
Those Fond Girls
A FISH STORY.
III III ' Willi I SJT
HcAD ITS EFFECT.
The man observes that his wife, on her re-j
turn from the Easter services, sems great
ly uplifted in spirit. i
"The service evidently have had a good
effect upon you.'' n marks the man.
"Yes, it was so helpful to nu to go to church
this morning."
" I'm glad of that."
" I don't know when I've been so cheered
arid helped. Mi s. Nexdore Is wearing her
last year's bonnet made ovir, Mrs. Dourw
strete Is wearing her old crepe de chine dyed
blue. Mis. Buaearoun iiad on a hat she got
two years ago at a bin gain sale, but she has
sewed some blue ribbon ar.d a plumb on it,
and "
Hut her husband has Immersed himself
once more In his puper.
HATCHING A SCHEME.
" Now," said the first promoter, after
stud Ing the reports of the quantities of egg
their agents hud purchased. " we've got con
trol of the egg supply of the country."
" But let's be careful," urged his partner.
" Let's not put all our eggs into one basket."
" We won't. We'll get them all Into one
corner."
- I I -
HIGH FINANCE.
" Well," said honest old Farmer Medder
gtass to the young man from the city, " 1
s'pose If Sally wants ye I'll hev ter soy it's
all right, but I certainly do hate to think o'
ye takln' my purt" daughter away from her old home to live In that great big city, w'th
all Its ", .
" But we are not going to live in the city, Mr. Meddergrass," Interrupted the enamored
youth, whff was a good business man also.
"Not gnln' to live In the clty7 Then how
be ye goin' to make a llvin'? Young folks
oughter "
" Don't worry nbout our future. I'm going
to Btay right hire and organize a combination
of the country boarding houses."
"Old Pickerel is going around, telling
how he escaped from a landing net after
having been hooked oa four different lines
at once and being gaffed as well."
"Old Flokerel makes ma tired. As soon
as the Ashing season opens be begins think
ing np marvelous stories of great fishermen
he has got away from,"
Papa Knew.
svj;fr 'J 'tll
"But I thought your papa said you
couldn't have a new dress this spring."
"He did. But I told him In that case 1
would ust have to have my old one made
over; and papa Is an architect and knows
how expensive It Is to remodel old structures."
We never could un
derstand why women
can wear wlnt r furs
with spring clothes,
tut absolutely refuse
to wear n spring or
summer hat with a
fall suit.
A woman dreamed
the other night that
she hnd the only new
Enster bonnet o n
enrth. But she can
not reniemher what
she ate that caused
the dream.
This Is the time of
yeat when nil the
Pont Worry clubs
lose their charters. m
Also, a woman
would rather that you
told her her new bon
net was pretty than
that you told her she
was.
Hut then, there are
lots of egg shaped
men who think they
look like matlnfe
heroes In these sway
backed overcoats.
How many women
can tell you what the
text was. after church
services today? And
how many cannot tell
you what the trim
mings on the bonnets
ran to?
In Study and Seclusion.
" Is it not pleasant to trip the merry dance
after forty days of abstaining from worldly
pleasures? "
"In very truth it is. I denied. myseM
candy and theaters during lent so that I might
afford the expense of learning how to trip the
merry dances."
TRUE ART.
An artist who played on the 'cello
Attempted an air from " Othello."
" You smother the air,''
Bald the folks who were there.
' A theatrio effect," said the fellow.
MUST CHANGE THE PLOT.
A LAMENT.
Times are not what they used to be
When we would have a holiday
We hailed its dawn with hearty glee
And warbled measures glad and gay.
But now eaoh festal day that comes
Brings frets and worries wlthont end
The Easter eggs and Christmas drums
Speak of the eoln that man must spend.
The New Tear's evergreen and vine
No sooner fade to dingy brown
Than straightway comes 8t. Valentine
With lots of schemes to shake us down.
Fast on the heels of solemn Lent
Speeds Easter day to our distress
Each penny we have saved is spent
For hat or shoes or gloves or dress.
Commencement day, the brides of June,
Fourth of July, vacation trips
We see them coming, late and soon,
And mutter things with scornful lips.
Thanksgiving day Is far ahead
But O, already we commence
To view the prospect with much dreaa
And mentally to oount expense.
Then Christmas! But we draw the veil
Upon this list of holidays
lest by our pesslmistlo wail
loma other sighing soul we erase.
But, anyhow, It seems to us
The fat should compensate the lean,
We might have breathing space, and thus
Catch even In the times between.
It is all right to tell the girl in Easter garb
that she looks a perfect poem but be sure
she thinks you a judge of poetry.
"It Will not do for me to marry the heroine and hero at Easter time," mused the crafty
lady novelist. "Any Woman Would know that the heroine could get all the neW clothes she
Wanted then, anyhow. I'll let them quarrel and then have the reconciliation and Wedding
some time in the fall."
Little Henry's Slate.
TAKING PRECAUTIONS.
Mr. M 1 Ni tit, the famous
writer at.d diplomat, observ
ing the growing tendency tu
compile the correspondence
of gtiat jieoplc after tkey
have pnsed away and arc
unable to pi ct themselves,
lias adopti d what le consid
ers ample protection ngnlnst
such a possibility. In each
letter ho rites, he works in
some such sentence as (Vlsi
"And I wish to say. fur
ther, that no matter how blp
a fool 1 may make no si If
seem to be In this letter. 1
am not half as big a fool as
the one who will try to pub
lish n collection of my letters
forty or fifty years afterlj
am dead."
MARITAL DIPLOMACY.
" Why." wo ask of the
young pliyslcl-in. "do you an
nounce on your sicn ' Prac
tice Confined to Illnesses of
the Aged '? " ,
He fidgets for a moment,
then confesses:
" Well, you sic. I've recent
ly married a young and pretty woman,
nnd she Is a trifle well-rr Jealous,
nnd w henever I treated a young woman
I nally lost money lucnuso my wife
objected to my making more than one
or two calls."
Three Wise Men.
I.
There once was a person named Frye
Who wore quite a clever glass eye;
With that orb he would look
At his paper or book.
Then say: " I don't ses why to buy."
n.
A craftv old codsor named Weir
K pt cotton plucs stuck In his car:
1 1. ,u 1 1 you ask him to drink
He'd observe with a wink:
" Come around: I can hear better here."
III.
A citizen down in Montrose
Attache' a clothespin to his nose,
He explained thus: " I've got to,
To ride in my auto."
Was he saving a scent, d'you suppose!
TOO MANY SIDE GLANCES.
"Ah." moaned the wife, when rnr
husband accused her of having (llrlcd
loo much at dinner. " to think thai 11
is you who used to tell me my eyes wei"
like Mars! "
" Huh! " growled the brutal husband.
" Tbi y're stars all right, but they ro
not fixed stars, and you don't seem to
be able to keep them in their proper
orbits."
COMBINING "WEALTH.
" Look here, ' says the excited man,
bursting into the district attorney's
office. " Isn't there a law In this coun
try against harmful combinations cf
wealth and of business enterprises?"
" There certulnly is," replies the ofll
cial. " Well, I want to tell you that 1 have
Just learned that my wile's milliner Is
going to marry my coal man and her
dressmaker Is engaged to the lecman."
in
" Mr. Sezzit told me I was a dream
my new spring suit and bonnet"
"Did he? He told me that when he
saw me he woke up."
4
His Ruse.
was on Easter Sunday morn
The church was filled with folk.
ixne minisior, wun air iviom,
f Observed that as he spoke 4
No woman in the audience
k- Oave him the slightest heed.
He thought it was an evidence
That he was poor, Indeed.
Each woman kept her head half turned
And glanced back down the aisle
The parson in a moment learned
That they all thought of style,
That it was useless, hopeless, quite
. y For him to preach of sin
.When every woman sought for sight
' Of others coming in,
The lata arrivals rustled through
S The doors, and to their seats;
The choir was inattentive, too,
And dropped its anthem sheets
And let them scatter on the floor
While watching could yon gueest
To see what all the lata ones wore
In bonnst and in dress.
The parson stammered through the hymn
And then announced his teat;
His countenance grew very grim,
His face was greatly vexed.
At last he paused and hammed and hawed
Then cried t " I'm greatly pained."
The audience waa rather awed
And all Us ears were gained.
" I'm greatly pained," the preacher said,
" To see that bare today
There is a certain woman's head
That turns the other way.
I shall not name the lady, though
I'll make it very clear:
Bhe wears the cheapest hat, I know,
Of any woman here."
He preached an hour, and nearly two.
But none looked at the door,
Each woman smiled as If she knew
Just who it was that wore
The hat that waa se very cheap
And so she kept her eyes
Glued on the pastor he was deep
Aad very, very wise,
A Difference.
" Miss Itlppem mentioned) you very often
during my talk with her."
" I have heard that she frequently speaks
Of me. She must think a great deal of me
" I don't know. She talks a lot about you.
but from what she says I da not gather that
rhe thinks anything of you."
THE SMOKER'S MUSINGS.
If what wa do in this life shows
What we'll do in the next,
Then I am worried, goodness knows i
And very much perplexed,
I wonder If because I pan?
To drive away dull ears,
I'll find the neat Ufa to be rough
If I'll keep smoking there I
IN ONE PARTICULAR.
If
A" A
Have plenty of push,
young man, but be.'
sure you know who
you are pushing
tsa
Every time any one
talks of the blessings
of c I v I 1 1 z a tion we
think of cold storage
eggs and Imitation
butter.
Up to the Times.
The commencement
exercises of the Grass
vlll'e academy were In
progress. MlssTessle
Jones had Just finished
reading ner compo
sition on " Rome Was Not liullt In a Day,"
and the quartet was stepping forward to ren
der " Come Where the Lillet Bloom" when
the principal of the academy arose and an
nounced :
" I beg to call your attention to a cor
rection that should have been made In the
programs. Miss Artemisia Holbrook's essay
was origin ally
entitled ' Be
yond the Alps Lies
Italy," but she has
changed it to
Through the
Slmplon Tunnel
Lies Italy.' The
auartet will now
sing."
No Trumps.
5 .-, ,
-fl
door, ready I ir
Hi
4C,v''..v..:i.-l:
"How do you like your Easter eggs, Mr. Grumm
leigh?" asked the considerate landlady.
"Ma'am?"
"How do you like your Easter eggs? Hard or soft?"
"Neither, ma'am. Fresh.'
.1 v'j
-' T-xl. . - -n ' rl'
Whist." eaid the first sporty looking chap us
itle Ermyntrude passed them.
"One cannot play whist with two dummies."
remarked gentle Ermyntrude. hastening onward.
t
Benighted Pusson.
" 'Deed, dat a'i
man down ter de
h.ibdw.iih sto' ain'
git no sense 't
all." declared Mr.
K, hum Pnuwball.
" Whut de mat
tan wld him?"
a.-ktd Mr. Klaza-
rus Washumtum.
" Why, Ah done tclumpliome 'on icr him en ant him
please suit won' he be so kind ea ter sen' me er ruAuii
ease Ah hatter go ter ile dance diS ebeiilng'."
" Kn he didn' sen' hit?''
" Uat ain' de half. Ho done sent me er safety ranzah!"
Unpublished Letters of Famous Men.
Iear Sir: 1 am hoi i 1 cannot sellle your bill for
meats today, but am uiu xpecledly embarrassed linan
clally. I enclose a dollar on account and will remit the
balance so soon as it Is possible.
Yours truly, HYRON LORD SHELLEi.
Dear Mrs. Btlchem: It is with great regret that I ap
piise you that I am unable to pay your bill for Mis. Kixy
Ki'ii'a drtHscs this month. I am now doing one epic, four
tci n sonnets and ten ballads. In the hope of receiving suf
ficient remuneration to linuidate your account.
Very truly yours. ALF. SIXYSON.
Dear Ben: Let me have two pounds until a week from
f'uiuiday. I've got Into a poker game ami at this writing
am holding kings full, but tuck ti.e when withal to follow
my advantage. -A reply by "bearer will oblige
Yr. hbl. avt., COLLY CIBHKH.
Peg's Datv Off.
" Nothing tndav, Pegasus," said the poet, when his horse came to the
the matutinal Might.
Pegasus looked at him inquiringly.
"1 don't need you," the poet exclaimed. " All I've got io do Is to write my annual
parody on ' The Queen of the May.' "
Behind tha Scenes.
" Who is that
skinny man with
the pleasant smile?"
asked the visitor of
the stage manager.
" That? O, that's
Murgatroyd Dew
hoop, the heavy vil
lain." " And the big fat
fellow with the bit
ter scowl , on . his
face "
" Over there by
the bunch light?
That's Billy Sklv
vers.the light comedian."
Aura! Demonstration.
" But I don't see
how your father can
object to our mar
riage." " Sec? Sight has
nothing to do with
it. You should be
glad that you can't
hear how he objects."
whatw :
'Yea, doctor," said the perturbed mother, "she has
Just worried so much over the approach of graduation
day that she has become positively III."
"Tut, tut," said the doctor, "she shouldn't worry so
much about a simple little thing like a commencement
essay."
"Essay I " exclaimed the patient. "It Isn't the essay, j
It's the dress!"
f CRITICISM.
"Mr. Poland-China saw me perfectly well when I got on the car," said Mrs. Hog, " but
he burled his nose in his newspaper and pretended to be reading, and of course 1 couldn't
get a seat."
" Of course," answered her husband. " Poland-China always makes a regular man of
himself." mmm
There's one thing
we HUe about the
health culture maga
zines, and becausM of
that we have sub
scribed for nil of
them, not one of tin in
published any plans
and specifications for
Easter bonnets.
An Alphabet
of JoKes
Dear Mr. Borrowsltt: permit me to r fresh your mem
ory concerning the fact that on the I'tlh of last month
you borrowed a dollar and eighty cents from me, with the
promise to repay It before night. To the best of my infor
mation snd belief the sun has gone down several times
since then. I need the money. Please remit.
Yours truly, MOORE KEATS BURNS.
STANDS for Housecleanlng and tt Is
The only thing that stands for It.
When brooms and mops and dnstera whiz
And dnst and dirt and debris flit
Athwart the trembling atmosphere
And fill the souls of men with gloom,
Likewise they till the eye and ear
And fill the ball and dining room.
H stands for Honsecleaning why It does
No mortal man can ever see;
The houseless age assuredly was
An age of primal ecstasy.
Go ask the poor, bewildered men,
Those sadly persecuted folk
Go, ask them; they will tell you then:
. "Ton bet Honsecleaning is no joke."
It Is estimated that
enough money Is an
nually spent on mil
linery In this count ry
to supply the heathen
with tlnee time!- a
much stuff Hi;'' they
Would ha vi no u.-e for
TW o f Ilia 1c lit ess
rt formers In Id In in I"
thu f.iiili noli! I
o'clock yesterday af
ternuori, when they
saw a i-hi'W v inflow
tilled With inalktd
down Lsti I bonnets.
Once nnii e. dear
public, I) e p.iiii nt
while some one ex
plain why the rubbit
liappeiiu to be a tyni
bol vt Luster
