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About Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 18, 1904)
THE ILLUSTRATE! HEE.
pology for not bring on hand, which mn
probably understood by the Akooud for ho
waved his hand in a gracious manner.
Brnltn, cautious as he was and lazy as ho
seemed, to be, did not take the trouble to
rid himself of his superfluous clothing.
11 stepped Into the ring and glanced care
lessly at the Akoond and then at the as
sembled guests. He nodded to two er thne.
Some fellow blew a blast on a born and
the Akoond charged down upon Smith.
Smith side-stopped and tapped the Akoond
lightly on the shoulder as he passed. Smith
Spent the next few seconds in vainly en
deavoring to catch a mosquito which
st emed to bother him; he did not notice
the Akoond. The Akoond, thinking this a
good opportunity, mudo another dive at
Smith. Smith smiled and slightly twitched
his bixly. He was scratching his chin re
flectively when the chief rushed by and
measured his own length upon the ground.
"Try again old fellow" remarked Consti
tutional Smith. The Akoond's temper had
gone by tills time, and the rest was war
pure nnd simple. The Akoond, with a
series of gestures, made it pl-iln to Smith
nnd the assembled crowd that he would
tops Smith Into the boughs of an adjacent
tree. He had done It before and he would
do It now. Smith appreciated the good
intentions of the Akoond.
"Hut hell is paved with them, you know,
old man," he i t marked pleasantly.
Then, by a streak of luck, the Akoond
smote Smith upon the Hp which Jenks had
split. Kor the next ten minutes l'w people
krrew what was happening. Only Smith
knew that with a strength and persistency
which he had never before, equalled, he
was raining blow after blow upon the
other man's head, and blow after blow upon
the other man's heart. It was war, pure and
pimple. He could have knocked him out if
lie would. Hut he didn't want to Just yet.
He finally reduced the Akoond to a condi
tion whore at any instant he would have
fallen prone upon the ground. Smith,
with an elaborate display of science,
danced around hlrn, nnd kept him from
falling by gracefully prrp'iing him up with
blows from his fists. Finally seizing the
Akoond shout the waist, Smith, by a
superhuman effort, flung him far and wide
Into the houghs of th very tree that had
been indicated by the Akoond himself.
The crowd 4ood avhast.
Constitutional Smith looked about him
and rolled a cigarette.
"ilrnllomen," he said, "the Akoond was
a great man, but lie wasn't Constitutional
BUong-Arm Smith, that's nil." He smiled
genially upon the crowd. Suddenly there
war, a rush and fifty men seized him and
raised him to their shoulders.
Hundreds of men were yelling. "Oh
Keefc-! Oh Keefo!" came from a multitude
of throats, "till Kccfe. Akoond of Swat!
Oh Kcefe, Akoond of Swat!"
Smith was Indeed the Akoond of Swat.
And almost the lirs-t man who did formal
herniate to him was the wreck of the l:tte
Akoond. He did homage because he had
to. The populace prodded him from behind
as he crawled on his hands and knees to
sweir alleglac.ee to the new Akoond.
"That's all right, old man." sild Consti
tutional Smith, soothingly, "you didn't
VenUiate, that's all . I've, been there.
E'in-e day," he added.- patronizingly, "some
day I'll teach you how."
C'Mvrltu tlonal Smith scratched his head
"iH -.r me," he exclaimed reflectively, "if
Mr. rtiilirigton O'Kcefe could only see me
The Isle of Swat was a nonentlty-a cl
ph. r upon the face of the earth. It was
the essence of all that was of "no ac
count." Doubtless it was this fact that
had made it shunned by white men. and
hail kept its people so far behind the pres
ent age. Had the island been productive
of something, no matter what, useful in
trade and commerce; had her people been
ettlvc even actively hostile, why, then, sho
might have amounted to something. She
nrght have made a name for herself. Hut
Bho was sterile, and the minds of her peo
ple were sterile. And the world had left
her to herself.
Hut In the midst of it all Constitutional
Eniiih had arrived, and he had become her
akoond. Hehind Constitutional Smith were
two incentives. In the first place, ho was
en active man. He was a hard worker.
He was a money getter. He may have been
different from those of others, but the end
always justllied the means. He was on the
lookout for good opportunities. "Opportu
nity, ' saith the Spanish proverb, "hath hair
In front, but behind she is bald; if you wish
to hold her, seize her by the forelock, for
When once she is past you, the devil hlm
elf could not overtake her." Smith was
a man who generally seized that forelock
with a firm grasp. But In the Isle of Swat
there seemed to be no opportunity. Ho
concluded that it wouiU be wise for him to
make one. He might have sailed awuy in
the Sarah Margaret, but there were various
reasons why he did not want to do so. Jen
kins was a dangerous man, and Smith knew
hs wai safer on the Island than on the ship.
The ship still lay at anchor waiting for ills
signal. He was not ready yet to give it.
Smith had another reason for sluylng on
the island. He felt a pride about beating
Billiogton O'Kcefe at his own game. So
Car he had done it. He wanted to do more
be desired to cap the climax.
Us did not have to think very Ions. On
day as h was jnz'ng almost hopelessly
about l.iia, lie slapped his leg.
'Kurcka!" he exclaimed. "Eureka! I
have found it. And I was n big fool," he
added, "for not tinding It out before." Ho
called his man. He bade his man take a
few natives, row out to the ship, bring
back a laige cask and all the loose rope he
could hnd. "It may not turn out a money
making business," he said to himself, "but
it s a play to tho gallery all right."
OH A 1 TICK XV.
The Kpldemle nnd the Cnrr,
DillitiKlon O'Kcefe strolled home one day
only to find a large, unwleldly cask rolled
Into his back yard.
"What the devil's that?" he inquired of
the servants. No one knew. It was for
him; upon It was carefully stenciled his
name and the town of his address. A team
had drawn up to the sidewalk and two men
had rolled It in.
"Hut thcic's a rote left with it," sug
ges.ej one, "in on your tablo." H.llington
O'Kce.'e stalked In and read the note. It
was written with lead pencil on a piece of
wrnpiing paper. It read about as follows:
"i'AI.ACi: OK THK AKOOND. ISLAND
OP SWAT-Hillington O'Ko.fe, K-tq., care
of the linn of O'Kocfc-Snilth Campany:
Dear Sir !ty this tide I have shipped you
a oa.ii (ontainiiig a considerable quantity
of the quintessence of the Isle nf Swat.
It is nothing but water, but of a v ry su
perior kind. It is not for drinking pur
poses, but, properly distributed, it may lie
of great benefit to the community. My ob
ject In sh pping it to you is to have you
convey it to some canal or pond as soon as
poKdble and pour It In; then await the
result. This, my esteemed friend and part
ner, Is hut the commencement of a mutual
business enterprise which I trust will be ns
pleasant ns It may be profitable. Your
obedient servant, HKZKKIAH SMITH.
"Otherwise known as O'Kcefe, akoond of
"Tho devil!" muttered Billlngton O'Keefe,
nnd his voice sounded the knell of all his
expectations. "How the dickens did ho
Ho wasn't sure that Smith had been suc
cessful in braving all the perils, but ho
was afraid so. His heart sack within him.
In the meantime, here was th!s cask. What
was It? It might le anything almost. In
itself it might be an instrument of revrngo.
Ho called a servnnt.
"You open that cask," he raid, "nnd find
out Just what's in It. Here a hole In tho
side." Ho did not want to have the bung
hole knocked out in tho regular way, be
cause he was afraid It might contain ex
plosives. The servant bored a hole and held
a pall underneath. Then he plugged up the
hole and took th? pall to his master.
It contained nothing but a t.reenlsh,
muddy sort of water. It looked harmless
enough. It certainly was not dangerous in
any Imminent s- nse.
O'Kocfo thought It over. Then he read
tho letter over. Then he determined to fol
low tin; directions of the letter. He didn't
want the cask around and it would have to
bo carted somewhere.
"Hut say, John," ho suggested to tho
servnnt, "keep that pall cf water In a cor
ner of the garden and cover It up, and we'll
see what like It Is at any rale. Cart tho
other stuff away."
Hut Hilllngton O'Keefe was not the only
man who received a letter fi nm the Is!e of
Swat. John Ixirfmcr, consulting chemist,
was busy nn1 morning in his laboratory In
tho little building which he. occupied, when
ho chanced to look up only to see a dray
back up to the curb in front. Two men
and a sailor were upon this dray. Tho
pallor Jumped down and handed Inmler
"This stuff." he announced, "is for you.
It's most particular.
This stuff was none other than several
large bales of green leaves, partly dried.
"For me?" echoed Lorimer, "aro you
"Sure," answered tho Jack-tar, "and It's
most Important, so I understand."
Iorlmer read the letter. Then he looked
In a puzzled way at the bales. "Well," ho
said, "dump 'em In at any rate." Accord
ingly they were dumped In.
"It's a queer proposition," said John Iori
mer to himself, "but there may bo some
thing In it. Hut who tho dickens is the
Akoond of Swat?"
It was late spring almost early sum
merIn the city of Monroe. That samo
day John Lurlmer Bullied forth to the out
skirts of the town and dipped up about a
gallon of dirty ditch water. This he took
back to his little shop. He lit an alcohol
stove nnd adjusted upon it a small standard.
Then he poured a small quantity of ditch
water into one pan and a small quantity
into another. J'.enoath them he kept a
very moderate heat. Into one pan he put
several of the greener and fresher leaves,
which he abstracted from one of tho bales.
He left the other pan untouched. Tho next
day he lifted the pans off aud watched
them, carefully. From one of them now
and then n very small Insect would rise
and spreod Its tiny wings. From the other
nothing rose. Ixirirner secured tho insects
which rose from the former pan and
placed them In a box near the open window.
Then, having mascerated- soma of the
leaves in a mortar and mixed the moisture
with a little water, he filled a small spray
syringe and cautiously opening the box
sprayi d the vapor Into It. He noted care
fully the result.
"So far. so good," he acknowledged to
liims. If, "and not a bad idea."
He went back to the letter again. Again
he read it. This is what it said:
"IVar Sir Monroe Is a large city and a
prosK-rous one. It has always prided Itself
en the fact that it has all the advantages
Hud none of the disadvantage of other
plact s of Its size. I have some privite
Information that there will lie in Monroe
this year an epidemic, a scourge of mos
quitoes. No matter how 1 know It, you
can rely upon my information. Down in
this principality the natives us.' the boughs
of a certain tree to Veep the mosquitoes
off-there are plenty of them here, both
trees and mosquitoes. So far I simply state
the facts. You are a chemist. I ship you
a quantity of these boughs, together with
some young trees which may possibly bo
Induced to grow In your climate. I lenve
the rest to your Ingenuity. There may bo
a popular demand fur something of this
kind. If you want more, send word to the
'Saiah Maifaret," Iter 4! Monroe. Yours,
"AKOOND Oi"' SWAT."
"P. S.-The profit on this thing, if any,
must be divided into three purls; one to
you. one to inc. and one to another. 1
shall explain this later. See what you can
"There may be something In this," said
lAiiimer to himself, slowly. "I've never
turned down any chances as yet and I'll
take this up."
About this time one of nilllnglon
O'Keefe's servants ran Into him. "Your
pall of water's smoking sir," he said,
"come and take a look at It."
O'Keefe went. Above the pail hovered a
sm:. 11 dark cloud that appeared to bo
nothing mote than smoke. O'Kcefe bent
cautiously over It.
Suddenly ho straightened up nnd began
to slap his face right n:id left.
Swat, swat, swat, wi nt the hand of
Hihington O'Keefe upon Ms face iind neck.
"Mosquitoes," he pplutte-od, "mosqui
toes by the millions." They were mosqui
toes. And by this thne the scheme of Con
stitutional Smith becomes quite plain.
Constitutional Smith had a Mrst-cUss
remedy for mosqiiitc.es and mosquito
bites. He deWred to market It. It was
necessary to have a marktt and a man to
market It. There were but few mosquito s
In Monroe tho market was lacking. This
did not fcaz? Smith, lie knew a way to
make, a market. He had the pnpplv. Mo
purposed to cause the demand. He had a
cure. He would furnish the cpedemlc.
He had used r.mingtnii O'K-efo, an 'vin
est man, to make the market. He used
John l.orlmer, an hnnel man, to furnish
the commodity. He had therefore both
demand nnd supply. Constitutional Smith
was a living, walking political economy;
lie was the Incarnation of commerce.
Actually he was merely amusing him
self, but in fo doing he was building bet
ter than ho knew.
(To be continued.)
Paupers of Statcn Island
(Continued from Huge Th'rle.-n.)
As for the meat. It is abundant and varleJ,
including corned bco.C, fresh beef, mutton
stew uml lresh pork. A rmal nt tho
farm colony is good enough for anybody to
In a hundred lit t lo ways everything pos
sible Is done to make the old poople happy
and comfortable. They are amply supplied
with books and noswpapcrs, und given
plenty of leisure to enjoy them. The old
men ure provided with a good supply of
tobacco every week and the superintendent
even takes care that they have us muny
decks of cards us they want.
The inmates of the dormitories, before
the establishment of tho new private quar
ters, did not like sleeping on straw beds.
The straw beds were promptly aboil hod
and spring wire mattresses introduced in
their stead. And so It Is with everything.
The old people are Inc'lned to stand
very much on their dignity, nnd tho su
perintendent who, as already lndleati-d Is
a man of character and hurnqr Is glad to
humor them in that amiable weakness.
"I call them all commissioners," he said
with a smile. "Lord! We've got more com
missioners here than they havo over in
New York City. There are three old fel
lows assigned to sweep up tho leaven
under the tref and keep tho place tidy.
Of course, they are the Hoard of Park
Commissioners. It tlckleH 'em to death,
and they work twice- us well us If I Just
called them sweepers.
"The man who looks after tho pigs is the
pig commissioner, the old women who do
tho washing aro tho laundry commission
ers, and so on. I'm always careful to say
'Good morning, Mr. Commissioner,' and
What has tho board to report today, Mr.
Park Commissioner'' And I tell you the
old folks are fairly weighed down by the
sense of their tremendous importanco and
responsibility. I think they rather lo lc
down on me because I'm not a commis
sioner." Poverty has certainly been robbed of all
Its terrors for theso poople. Many of them
live to a great old age in the Institution,
tor It U located In a particularly healthy
situation. A the superintendent rcmrkea
"They don't die here; they Just wither up
nnd blow away." Inmates of eighty an 4
ninety are common, while septuagenarians
arc tin a penny
Hut the "star bonnier" Is an ancient war
rior who fought on tho confederate shb- In
the civil war, and was captured tir.d taken
to New York as a prisoner of war. He was
released In promptly drifted to the
almshouses and has be. n there ever since
over forty years lie waxes cloqitci-t when
he speaks of the improvements In poor lavr
administration dtiiiti:; that period.
JAM 1 'S T. CAl.llOl'N.
(Continue,! from I'ac Nltie.l
Is it not f ur to a.--Minio that we vh.ill be
permitted to contin :e in I' until it l com
plete!? The Methodist clench has h il
Its work lo do ilnee the ti no of Wesley;
the Human Catholic church these m :ny
centuries, in Wisley's lifetime Here were
doubtless- many pi epic who nsled. 'What
will become of Methodism when Wesley
dies'." Just lis their descendants are putting
a similar query about the Salvation Ar.ny.
May not we and the army's well wishers
feel contUh nt in the licit! of the army's
world wide work in behalf of the noneliurelt
going poor that a bright future Is assured
it so long ns there are limits ind.-i of pen
pie not reached by the churches, just as
Methodism has survived hecau-e there havo
been millions of souls who oo:i 1 not bo
touched mi their religions side by api-oila
from tho churche:! of other denomina
tions?" U'Y T. VISKNIKKM.
John Hull's Tampa i pi 1
(Continued from l'.u
the street M low. T:.e return:!!-: old er
reads nut Hie lh;ur. s an I the tiidilites
then sh ike hands in full v.c of tli ass -ni-bled
lit ill 1 1 1 !'!'. The wmil' r r.qn.scs a
Vote of th: n'.s I i the l ei .n niiu1, otli -er,
which the loser si eon. is 'I hoy take the
opportunity to eav nae things aiioiil onu
another, mid. however la-roe ti.e liot n, iv
have been, all aii'inosily Is then I iii-'d
until the next election conies around.
A eonc'.ii: ive proof of do essentially I --ell
char.ii ter of the campaign Is that yiei em
liot console an Kngllsh )i ille.'an '..Iioko
candidate his bet by lelliniT Mm that Ills
parly has won t hr.itr.-iin, it tin- i e.i-ilry.
And if his e.inihilite has lieea eh clod ho
is quite cheerful, i Vou ll.oo:;li the parly
as a whole has been beaten.
The Easy-Goinj; KnIish
There is one word Jul will hear ill Kng
land all the lime wherever yen g.- lhe
word holiday. All KiqJ.iiul. winter, spiing,
rummer and autumn, ta ke holiday, iloli
t:ay, 1 u:-k rny.-ei, in m v. hat '.' JiuiiHl
even by the must easy -going oi Anier.cuii
standard, life in Kngland seems pioity
Well all holiday, and tile annual Auist
respite from work ralh. r a i-uliiiina I on
than an exception. Take mi Ameraan. of
whatever I rude or profes' ion. dump him
down In Kngland, and his iiist Inii re.son
nnd his last will be, i hen- ptopi-- do not
know what work is." Kverylhi g Is ugaioBt
their knowin-f it. It l.s tho leisure class
that rules, that makes up m cicty, that
holds all the positions men n.iturally covet.
1 thought it not unsymptiiiriat'c of Kngland
when, being. In a town of 7,UKi or R.ftO In
habitants the other aft'-ttio- ii, 1 til d and
failed to buy a gulling cap. The reason
was that it was Thursday nftcrn.iii and
Thursday in that particular town It "en-iy-closlng"
day, and carly-ch sli.s 1ay means
that at 'i o'clock in the afternoon every
shop Is closed and business at an end. Km
phatleally we take things easily over here.
IP A T" T T T 'V i
$100. to $300. MONTHLY.
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