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HTLTP KINO, formerly of the
Princeton eleven, relates how
while a crowd of Harvard boys
was celebrating the result of a
P
: game with Pennsylvania some
years ago on Cambridge man was much
taken with the white waistcoat worn by a
waiter in a Boston cafe. The Harvard
man called the waiter to him. Baying. "I
want to buy that waistcoat!"
"Why, what do you waat It for?" asked
the astonished waiter.
"Never mind what I want It for," con
tinued the Harvard man. "What will you
take for the waistcoat?"
After some spirited bargaining on both
sides the waiter consented to necept JS In
payment for the garment. Whereupon the
Harvard man shouted "Done!" and gave
the waiter the sum mentioned.
"And when do you want It, sir?" asked
the waiter.
"Oh," replied the collegian, "I don't want
you to give the waistcoat to me not at
all! I merely wanted to feel that I owned
It."
At this the waiter bowed and was about
to walk away, when the Harvard man
called him back. "Don't be in a hurry,"
said he, "there's something else." Where
upon, motioning the waiter to draw nearer,
the Harvard man took a piece of celery,
dipped it into tho cranberry sauce and
proceeded to mark a big "H" on tho middle
of the front of the white waistcoat that
lie felt was bJs own.
$
Not 80 Bad After AIL
It was at the close of the campaign in
which Mr. Harrison defeated Mr. Cleve
land for the presidency. Senator Black
burn and "Private" Jobn Allen, the keen
tongued representative from Mississippi,
were standing together in the capitol at
Washington when W. R, Hearst hurried
up and excitedly displayed a telegram from
his father, Senator Hearst, in California.
The message rend:
"As tore as there is a God in heaven,
Grover Cleveland has carried California."
It was already known that New Tork
had gone for Harrison, so that It really
made no difference which -way California
cast its vote. Mr. Allen solemnly folded
the telegram and handed It back, and re
marked: "Your father's telegram reminds me of
a friend of mine who went to Colorado.
Hot long afterward his wife received a
telegram which read: 'Jim thrown off a
broncho and his neck, both legs and one
arm broken.' A little later, in the midst
of her tears, the widow received another
message from the sympathetic cowboys.
It read: 'Matters not so bad. Jim's arm
not broken.' "
Could Prate an Alibi.
"I was trying to Impress on my class
the fact that Anthony Wayne hud led the
charge up Btony Point," said J. I Pem
broke, a professor in a primary school in
Paducah, Ky.
" 'Who led the charge tip Btony Point?1'
I asked. 'Will one of the smaller boys
answer? No reply came. Can no one tell
meT I repented sternly. "Little boy on
that seat next to the aisle, who led the
charge up Stony Point?'
"I I don't know,' replied the lit Us fel
low frightened. 'I I don't know. It wasn't
me. 1 I Just corned yere last month from
Texas.'
lie Told the Tint.
Frederick Warde, who. In conjunction
with Louis James, has been acting In "The
Tempest" the last winter throughout the
"West, was much amused by a mistake of
the compositor In a small town of Illinois.
The character enacted by Mr. Warde is
that of Prospero, "The Rightful Duke of
Milan." The compositor had made the Una
rend: "Prospero, Frightful Duke of Milan
Frederick Warde."
Mr. Wards was so struck by the humor
Of the mistake that he eent a copy of H
to his daughter In tb east, directing -bcr
attention to the error. This young woman,
being of a waggish turn of mind, wrote
a little note to her father, which read aa
follows:
"lear Father Having tieen the perform
ance, I fail to see who rein the program
was wrong."
Hwnr Arrr4 with lllm.
The late Senator Quay once described an
Incident wherein he figured with President
Roosevelt.
They had met at a certain unheralded
dinner arranged for the purpose of dlscus
slig a sensational political occurrence.
After the dinner had adjourned the presi
dent remained a!one with Senator Quay
debating the subject until a late hour.
When finally they left tie club together
the preident was still talking. They pro
ceeded along the denerted street on foot
until the senator had reached his destina
tion. The president, who was still full of
his theme, final'y said:
"Perhaps It is wiser to be of calm mind
and rest the nerves with sleep instead of
worrying over events. Everything now ap
pears distorted as though tho country
wure In a bad fit for its economic system,
but tomorrow morning, when we wake up
with our Judgment cleared, we shall read
appearances differently and find that there
Is a good fit after all. Then things will
seem restored."
"True," assented the senator quietly.
"For InHtance and illustration, you appear
out of plumb in my coat, which you seized
from the club attendant whl'e you were
talking; but tomorrow I will send a mes
senger with the one I am carrying, and
you will be normal to the eye again."
The president laughed heartily at the dis
covery of his error and the senator's
method of making it known.
Missed the Moral.
J. H. Canncld, librarian of Columbia, tells
tho following story of an attempt "to point
a moral," etc. He was in the country for a
few days, and was directing the work of a
n-3w "hand," a boy of about 17. Like all
boys of that ago he was forgetful, care
less and heedless though good-natured and
willing. Working with him one morning
the librarian thought' he would indirectly
give the lad something to think about, and
so said:
"I did my first day's work when I was
21, just out of college, and I got only $1 a
month more thun you are getting. Hut I
was steadily advanced by the firm, till I
was soon getting 1100 a month. I am nut
sure, but I always thought I got on" be
cause I took an interest in my work, re
membered my Instructions, kept tools
picked up and let my head save tny heels,"
etc
At the close of the "lesson' the lad
looked up with an Interest which was en
couraging and said:
"Say! Wan't you darned lucky not to
have to do a lick of work till you was tl?"
Pecaliarltles ot the Tariff Law,
Appraiser Whitehead in discussing the
other day some of the peculiarities of the
tariff law told the following story of a
newly appointed deputy collector at a sub
port 011 the Canadian border. The port
waa in the woods, and hundreds of miles
from the coast.
The customs officials are furnished with
blanks on which to make their reports, and
In cases like the one In point there are
many Items on the blanks which it is never
necessary to fill. The new deputy collector's
report contained the Information that ho
had collected $4 for "tonnage," which In
customs parlance means dues on vessels.
The Treasury department had visions of
tMal wave whloh had changed the face
of the (nap on the northern frontier and
made the little "port" In the woods a Veri
table seaport. An agent was dispatched
to the scene to investigate. He found no
change in the physical characteristic of
the region, and the first question which he
asked the new official was how he had
managed to collect 14 for tonnage.
"I collected duty on two tons of hay at
t2 a ton, he replied, "and if that Isn't
what you mean by tonnage on, your old
blank ril be d-d if I know what it is."
He Waa Ills Spurs.
Lieutenant f,oyal Farragut, one of the
officers of the Military Order of the Loyal
Legion and a eon of the naval hero. Ad
miral Farragut, has the double honor of
having fought in the army and navy both
in the civil war, and it Is an interesting
fact that be won his commission In the
army through a challenge by his father
when the tatter's fleet was in the Mta-ds-frtppl
and about to pass up to Port Hud
son. Loyali. then a lad about 12 years of
age, had been Importuning his father that
he might be sent to West Point, when the
old admiral replied:
"I don't know how that would do; I'm
not so sure whether you could stand Are."
"Oh, yes, father, I could do that," said
the boy.
"Very well, nay boy, I'll try you. Come
p with me here."
The old navy hero and his son went up
together Into the maintop, and there they
both remained till Port Hudson was
passed. The lad never flinched wliKe the
shot and shell (lew thick and fast about
him. Then the father said?
"Very well, my boy, that will do; you
shall go to West Point."
. And the boy was made a cadet and rose
to be a lieutenant, after which he re
signed. A Wine Spender.
William Gordon of New Orleans, who Is
spending the summer in New York, has
added a new phrase to the lexicon of slang,
and a fellow-townsman supplied It.
"Perhaps," said Mr. Gordon, "there are
few people who could, If requested, define
the meaning of the term, 'A wise spender.'
I couldn't this morning, but I am able to
do it now. I met a Louisiana boy who Is
here on his vacation, and he was telling
me of a trip he made to Coney Island
with a young New Yorker and two girls
to whom the New Yorker had Introduced
him.
" 'I had a great time,' he told me. 'But
I spent a bunch of money.'
" 'Wasn't your friend a good Bpender?'
I asked.
" He was a wise spender,' was the re
ply. 'He was very speedy when It came
to paying carfare, bnt anybody could beat
him to a dinner check.' "
-Serve.
Pierpont Morgan says that the nerviest
man he ever met wan with him la a rail
road car while traveling in Europe. The
stranger, a, German, took a srat opposite
him, and wsa raw in interested in the big,
black cigar the financier was Brooking.
"Vould you mint glflng me one like dat?"
he finally said. Although much astonished
at the bluntness of the request, Morgan
readily complied therewith. The German
lighted the cigar, took a few pnffs, and,
beaming with good nature, said: "I vould
not haf droubled you, but -1 had a match
In .mine poggld and I did not know vat to
do mlt him."
llowells Sot n Authority,
Mr. Hamilton Mable tells of a genial
dtepute with reference to the words
"lunch" and "luncheon that once arose
between Mr. and Mrs. William Sean
Howells.
The novelist contended that "lunch "was
proper, while hta wife favored "luncheon,"
Finally the dictionary was consulted.
"'Well, I was right," chuckled Mr. How
ells, when he hnd found the refurenee, and
he read aloud an extract quoted aa show
ing the correct usage:
"We lunrhed fairly upon HI tie dishes of
roae leaves, delicately -prepared."
"From what author is tho extract
taken?" queried Mrs. Howells.
"William Dean Howells, waa the smil
ing reply.
"Tut, tut!" exclaimed the wife. "He's
no authority"
Natural Uridgc
Here, across a canyon measuring 135 feet
seven Inches from wall to wall, nature haa
thrown a splendid arch of solid sandstone,
sixty fert thick in the central part and
forty feet wide, leaving undernoath It a
clear opening J57 feet In perpendicular
height. The If U ral walla of the arch rise
perpend iculurly nearly to the, top of the
bridge, when they flare suddenly outward,
giving tha effect of an Immense coping or
cornice overhanging the main structure
fiftee n or twenty feet on each side, and ex
tending with the greatest regularity and
symmetry the whole length of the bridge.
A large rounded butte at the edge of tho
canyon wall seems partly to obstruct the
approach to the bridge at one end.
Here again the curving walls of the can
yon and tho impossibility of bringing the
whole of the great structure Into tho nar
row Held of the camera, except from distant
points of view, render the photographs un
satisfactory. But the lightness and grace
of the arch is brought out by the partial
view which Long obtained by climbing far
up the canyon wall and at some risk crawl
' ing out on an overhanging shelf. Tho
majestic proportions of this bridge, how
over, may be partly realised by a few com
parisons. Thus its' height Is more than
twice and its span more than three tlmea
as great as those of the fatnuus natural
bridge of Virginia. Its buttress's are 118
feet farther apart than those of the cele
brated masonry arch In the District of
Columbia, known as Cabin John Bridge, a
few miles from Washington city, which has
the greatest span of any masonry bridge
on this continent. This bridge would over
span the caprtol at Washington and clear
the top of the dome by fifty-one foot. And
If the loftiest tree in the Calaveras greve
of giant sequoia In California stood In the
bottom of the canyon. Its topmast bongh
would lack thirty-two feet of reaching tho
under side of the arch.
This bridge is of white or very light
sandstone, and, as in the caw" of the Caro
line, filaments of green and orange-tint d
llchans run here and there over the .mighty
buttresses and along the sheltered crevices
under the lofty cornice, giving warmth and
color to the wonderful picture, W. W.
Dyer In the Century.
Breaking it to Him
Solemnly, slowly, the dignified body of
men walk up the .steps and into the house.
Surrounding tho man, tbey regard him with
pitying glances for a time. One after tho
othur seems about to speak, but refrains.
Finally the man breaks the silence,
"What is It, gentlemen? Tell me tho
worst. Anything is better than this sus
pense." -"Mr. irurdov," murmurs the bravest of
them, "are you prepared to hear the crush
ing news we must convey?"
"I I hope mot" he whispers.
"You have been nominated for vice presi
dent!" "Well," says tha man after a pause.
"Better men than I have lived through It."
"But that Is not all. You have been
nominated on the prohibition ticket."
Realizing that the anguish of a strong
man was too sacred to witness, the com
mittee of friends turned and departed aa
Ihey had come. Brooklyn Life.
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