A
r
6 n t o
She Wan Walchlnir.
IIEIIK la a man up on Capitol Mil
who Hups with a number of oM
college chums two or three times
a year, and usually after one of
these suppers, ho Is fit to roost
With boiled owls. The last gathering of
the clan was about a fortnight ago, and
before Mr. well, we'll call Mm Jenlts-set
out for it he promised Mrs. Jenks solemnly
that no matter what the o'l.ers did, he
would drink nothing but cha!g. .1 water and
lemonade. Mr. Jenlts came home about 2
o'clock, walking very carefully and se
dately. Mrs. Jenks wits awake, and she
turned up the Kas as he came in.
"Ar you sure you didn't drink too
tnuch?" she asked.
"You hurt me when you speak liks
that," said Mr. Jenks. somewhat indis
tli ctly. "I had only two small drinks."
Mrs. Jenks lay back on her pillow, re
garding Mm. I'nder her gaze, he was
most careful to bestow all his belongings
to th' ir proper plans, ills feelings were
hurt and he was ilett-rmined to show his
wife how unjust her suspicions were. lie
wis standing at the stationary wa wh
et and In the corner of the room when she
ppoke again, ami It was not so much the
matter as the manner of her words that
cut.
"Charles," she said, "you might as well
stop trying to light the hot water faucet.
That's the third match you've wasted."
Washington Post.
A Clilnenp loj Story.
Prince Pu Iun and the Chinese minister,
Kir Chentung l-iung Cheng, attended tho
races at Gravesend early in the month.
A number of noted New Yorkers were
presented to the distinguished foreigner,
and one of these gentlemen told an inci
dent that illustrated the remarkable in
telligence of a dog of his.
The minister said with a smile:
"I am reminded, sir, of a Chinese dog
Btory.
"There was a Chinaman who had three
flogs. When he came home one evening
he found them asleep on his couch of
te.tkwood and marble, whipped them and
drove them forth.
"The next night when he came home the
dogs were lying on the floor. Put he placed
Ms hand on the couch and found It warm
from their bodies. Therefore he gave them
another whipping.
"The third night, returning earlier than
usual, he found tho dogs sitting before the
couch, blowing on it to cool it." Boston
Tost
lilt Hrlow the llelt.
A Parisian financier traveling In America
la spending a week In New York beforo
Bailing for home. "What In our country
baa most Impressed you?" he was asked.
"Once a Frenchman always an admirer
and slave of the sex; your women, of
courac." was the answer. "Put among our
Institutions; that Is, our commercial life?"
"Ah! I am most impressed by the great
anxiety of your financiers to take the pub
lic Into partnership In what they advertise
an golden opportunities. Your financiers
are all philanthropists. In Paris when we
have something real good we keep it to
ourselves."
lllaliop Ilnrt'n HlMpoxIt Ion.
The newly elected Methodist bishop, Dr.
William Hurt of Home, Is noted for his
cheerful and placid manner. Nothing ever
rullles him. lie Js never heard to complain.
A clorgyman complimented Dr. Hurt one
day on his good disposition.
"You never growl about anything," ho
aid. "No matter what kind of a meal la
t
set before you, you eat It cheerfully. If
you are feeling poorly, you conceal it. How
did you manage to acquire such a line habit
of good humored tolerance and resigna
tion?" "Maybe the remark of a child I onco
overheard helped me to lern to complain
and grumble, as little as possible," said Ir.
Hurt. "While 1 was studying at Wilbra
ham academy I spent a few days with tho
child's father a good man, but a chronic
growler. We were all sitting In the parlor
one night when the question of food arose.
Tho child, a little girl, told cleverly what
each member of the household liked best.
Finally it came to the father's turn to bo
described.
" 'And what do I like, Nancy?' he said,
laughingly.
" 'You,' wild the little girl, slowly, 'well,
you like 'most anything we haven't got.' "
Cincinnati Enquirer.
Posted oh Some Utiles.
Says a writer In an eastern exchange:
When I was pastor in a western city a man
came to mi; and said that in some meetings
he had attended while away from home he
had been greatly Impressed with the truth
of th- Christian gospel and had become a
Christian. I said to him:
"I suppose you want to com" before tho
committee and be received for baptism?"
"Well, doctor," he replied, "I don't know
much about the routine, but I would liko
to have it done according to Hoyle," and
so it was dono.
A Word tvith (.(inii.in,
Senator Gorman's friends (and foes)
know that his iua!ities as leader are at
least masteily, but how far tiny trust to
his judgment may not be so well known to
the reading public. One of the statesman's
friends had a dream not so long ago, which
he is telling, and it makes clear the whole
Maryland political situation.
lie was standing before heaven's gate,
and Si. Peter was just opening it. As it
swung hack the venerable warden asked
the name of the new arrival, and procet ded
to look up his record in a great book.
Then he said, "Enter."
The Mar.vlander hesitated, lie looked all
around him and scratched Ids head, but ho
did not advance toward the open gate.
"Why do you hestiate?" asked the saint.
"Enter."
"Well, 1 hopo It's all right," said tho
other slowly, "but I do wish I could have a
word Willi Gorman before taking so Im
portant a step." New York Times,
Morgan's Cunt tif Arms.
J. Tlerpont Morgan is gifted with a great
deal more of humor than is generally
known. Not long ago, while In London, ha
was Introduced to a lady who made some
pretensions to peerage. "Pardon ine," said
this lady, haughtily, "to which Morgans do
you belong?"
"Oh, we are an Independent branch," re
plied Mr. Morgan. lly, "but we date back
to the Norman kings."
"Ah. then you have a coat of arms?"
Mr. Morgan dug down into his pocket and
brought forth a shining American J:o gold
rieve. "This," he said, "is our roat of
nrms; a few other families have adopted
tho same emblem. Put," he continued, con
fidentially, "we are gathering them In sus
fast as possible."
One on Dr. Mitchell.
Dr. S. Weir Mitchell, the eminent nerve
specialist of Philadelphia, tells of an Inci
dent of his early career which taught him
n lesson he has nlwnys remembered. Kver
since then there has been one Question
om
ori
which he never asks hla patients. An
elderly man was ushered into tho doctor's
office one afternoon. After telling him to be
seated tho doctor asked la hla mildest man
ner: "Well, sir, what Is the matter with you?"
The patient quickly replied: "If I knew,
doctor, 1 would not come here to Hud out."
tit. IajUIs Jtlpublic.
lit' (lot the ICgs;,
"Talk about Yankee shrewdness," paid
tho traveling man. "1 was in a little tavei u
up in Connecticut not long ago and a far
mer came in with eggs to sell. 'J lie trans
action took place in ihe barroom of the
establishment. The proprietor agreed to
take two dozen, and when the farmer ciuno
to count over the contenLs of his bat-ket ho
found th.it he iiad twenty-live eggs. The
proprietor wanted the extra egg thrown in
for good measure. The farmer didn't see it
that way, and they argued the matter. At
last the proprietor said he'd take the twenty-live
cL-gs, give the man a drink and call
it square. The farmer agreed and pocketed
his money.
" 'Now, what'U you have?" asked the pro
prietor. The Yankee farmer was ready with his
reply.
" 'Sherry and egg,' said he,"-Washington
Post.
DllfilnK.
William Gillette, the great impersonator
of Sherlock Holmes, confesses to having
hired a yacht one certain summer. As he
describes it, the acht was a craft without
a rival in slow progression. With a few
friends- Iw w t sail and proceeded upon a
cruise. They kept close to the shore and
a week or two .tft r they had left port
were drifting lazily ty a point of land at
the end of wrd.-li sat a solitary Inan fishing.
In a few hours the boat had passed the
point, and th. lisherman was sc. n to rou.ie
himself from his contemplation of his rod.
"Where ye from?" ho called genially.
"New York," replied Gillette, with a
yachtsman's pride.
"How long'."'
"Sunday, August 1."
The fisherman returned to Ms fishing and
the ya(.lt kipt on ,lriltns Bome hours
later there came a drawling voice over the
quiet water and it asked: "What year?"
TliriUinKitrNourrH.
Once when he was a pilot on the Missis
sippi, Twain Pat with a crowd of men
around a wood stove In a village store.
Presence of mind was heinir lUn.....t i
nearly everybody had a story about pres
ence of mind to relate. Twain said:
"Hoys, through my presence of mind I
once saved an old man's life. It happened
tliis way. I was reading In my room, lato
one night, when I heard tire bells. I strolled
out to see where the fire was, and soon
camo to a brick house that was burning
hard.
"An old man lennd half way out of n
fourth story window, and the red flame lit
up hla long white hair and beard. 'Help'
Help!' he hollered. 'Help! Help!' And he
waved his arms around hla head, making
wild gestures.
"Everybody In tho crowd below seemed
paralyzed. No ladder was long enough to
reach the old man. Tho firemen said If
he stayed up there he would be burnt to
death, and if ho Jumped ho would be
crushed flat.
"lMt I. with my presence of mind, came
to his rescue. I rushed forward, and
yelled for a roie. The rope was brought
to mo. I threw the old man tho end. Ho
"VP
caught It. I told him to tie it around hla
waist. lie did so. and 1 pulled him down."
ltaltiniore IP-raid.
Couldn't Promise.
Two of the cainiidat-'S In the rcecnt pri
mary elcetjon for governor of Florida,
Hol.ert W. liavls, now a congressman, ami
Nafiole.m It. prowar.l. who won fume by
Ms filibustering exploits just prior to tho
Spanish-American war, in.ulo a house to
house campaign through the rural dis
tricts of the state. One hot day Captain
Proward drove up to a peaceful farm houso
and found a woman strenuously chopplluf
wood in the front ar.I.
The gallant captain alighted, bowed to
the woman, said: "Madam, excuse me,
but I cannot stand idly by and see a lady
doing such hard work. Permit me." And,
taking the ax, the candidate labored for
thirty minutes until the last stick had been
cut.
"Now, madam," he said, as he mopped
the perspiration from his brow, "if you
have a husband you may tell him that Cap
tain Proward called to soe him and that
I would appreciate his voto fur governor
of Florida."
Tho woman, who had been admiring tho
candidate's ability us a wood chopper,
shook her head dubiously and replied:
"Well, I duniio about his votln' for you,
"cause Hob Davis Is in the back yard a
milkin' the cow." Denver Kepublicati.
Clark nnd (he Honk Acrnt.
Senator W. A. Clark detests nothing mora
than to be interrupted when busy. One
day he wan in his office engaged In a busi
ness conversation when a i-tlte weman
carrying a black bug entered. With a
compelling smile and an insinuating man
ner she approached the surly millionaire.
1'tterly insensible to his repell. nt nu ml
and indifferent to Ms abrupt manner she
drew from the depths of the bag a hand
somely bound volume, the merits and l.eiu
tks of which she begun to il Mpi. ally
de.scant upon.
Failing to embarrass her With aretlo
rigidity anil impatient at her per.-lster.co
under rebuffs all but vulgar, he turned
suddenly upon tho chattering woman and
asked:
"Madame, do you know what my time la
worth?"
She confessed It was a crnur.drum.
"Well." he said, petulantly, "it's worth
30 an hour!"
He turned away with the air of one who
had settled tho matter definitely beyond
any further controversy. Hut he didn't
know the woman.
"Oh, I'm so grateful to you, Mr. Clark,"
she replied with a tone of pnthua In her
voice. "Thirty dollars an hour, did you
say ?"
"Yes; that's what I said, nnd It's cheap
at that," and he smiltd cynically.
"Oh, I know it is dirt cheap," she chir
ruped with winsome blitheress. "I'm so
glad you told me " rummaging In hr
reticule, from which she quickly fished out
a purse gorged with currency. Moving
near to the astonished millionaire, who
now regarded her movements with un
feigned curiosity, she counted two bills, a
ten and a five, off the roll. These she
pushed along the top of the slopirg desk
toward him and said: "Yes, I'm glad you
told me, because I hadn't expected to get
It so cheap. There is $15. Now, I want a
half hour of your uninterrupted attention
while I talk to you alout this book."
Clark pushed back the money and sub
scribed and paid for two copies of the
book. rittsburu Dispatch.
