Oris in of n Clever Phrase.
T 13 hard to trace a good Joke
buck to its origin. This w;u illus
trated in the senate the other
RfRSQl day when Senator Ha Hey alluded
ii to Speaker Reed's sarcastic re
mark at the expense (if Judge Holman nf
Indian;!, "the watch dog of the treasury."
Mr. Halley said the wittiest and bitti rest
thing Reed ever said was the remark when
an appropriation that came very m ar Hal
nan's home was up and the old judge was
remarkably silent about it. Heed said:
"Tbe watch dot; never barks at home
folks." "That was said," interrupted Scn
nlor Hoar, "in 1MU or V,. when I llr.st .
came Into the house." Mr. liailey was sure
the remark had been made later, while he
was himself a member of the house, which
Was many years alter Mr. Hoar went over
to the senate. The Texas senator appealed
to Senator I.adgo, who was a member of
the house at the. time. Ix-dgc nodded his
head to confirm Hailcy's story. Then Se:n
ntor Ifoar arose and said the witticism orig
inated when K. H. Washburne was a mem
ber of the house. Ho, too, was a "watch
dog." lie had not objected to a bill passed
by ids brother, t'adwallader, who was a
member at the same time from Wisconsin.
"Some one," said Mr. Hoar, "asked the
speaker (James (J. llluiiie) if the representa
tive from Illinois had objected. No,' said
Mr. lllaine, 'the watch Iok does not bark
when one of the family passes by.' "New
Turk Tribune.
One nn ricvrlaiid.
Clrover Cleveland was on his way to the
Grand Central station one morning several
years before he became president of the
United States. At the further end of the
Madison avenue car were its only other
passengers, .several saucy specimens of the
genus small boy. They tittered ami whis
pered as they noticed the future presi
dent's great size. Then they became liolder
imil said to caeii other something about
being "fed on yeast."
Mr. Cleveland seemed to be much amused
at the impudence of the lads. Yet, as they
left the car at Thirty-fourth street, he
could not resist :t Joke at their expense:
"It'll a pity, my boys," he said, "that
your mother couldn't havt
yeast. Perhaps you'd ha
bred." New York Times.
fed you on
been better
What They Tkouulit of Hint.
A mcmrier of Mr. Ilcn Greet's dramatic
company tells this story about a fellow
actor:
It seems that during a tour which tho
company made through the lirltish prov
inces it performance was given one night
in the native town of this actor. In a dis
cussion of the fact, not long after, it was
asked if the audience had given their fel
low townsman a proper reception.
"Yes," was the answer; "he was greeted
with round niter round of silence." Har
per's Weekly.
Conveniently Deaf.
Theie is a clergyman In the nrchiiOfse
of New York especially earnest in his ad
vocaey of temperance. Anything even re
motely related to the success of the move
ment appeals to him. He La a frequent
visitor to the city and no man enjoys a
Rood dinner or a good story better than he
does.
In the cabin or smoking room of an ocean
liner he often makPS transatlantic trips
Ida company Is deemed delightful, and his
fame as a raconteur spreads. In the plaea
Where he is assigned to duty there la ft
large Irish element and he claims to have
made great headway among them la his
temperance crusade.
There uro backsliders occasionally, h
says, but he is not dlscouragi d on that ac
count, and keeps hammering away all the
time. Not preaching total abstinence, he is
not himself a total abstainer; but still he
can't bear to we one of his parishioners go
into a saloon Sunday.
One man, a stone mason, and a good all
around fellow, though "fond o' Hi' dhr. p,"
lie took especial pains In reclaiming, and
had succeeded to a certain extent. Re
cently he found that he was falling away
again, and so set a watch on him. He saw
him make for a saloon oi;o day.
"Mike!" he shouted, "Mike, I say!"
Mike, unheeding, went In, and aftr a
little came out, wiping his mouth. The
rlergyman had waited.
"Mike," he said, reprovingly, "didn't you
hear me call you?"
"I did, yer reverence," declared M ke;
"but to tell ye the Hod's truth, I had only
the price of wan." New York News.
A Sertoli.
One day a well known politician was en
Joying a (hat Willi a frii rd nt a 1 ordon
hotel, when a strange young man came up
and said:
"Can I see you for a moment. Mr. P.ish?"
"Certainly." answered Mr. Patds. rl I: g.
The young man led him acre ss Hi- room
nnd seemed to havr something important
to say to Vim Arrived In a cr-rrer. (he
stranger whispered In the po'lilelan's ear:
"I am on the staff of an evening paper,
and I should like you to till me what you
think rf the situation In the
Mr. Hash looked a little puzzled at first,
then he said:
"t-Vllow me."
.A ml leading the wav. he walked through
the reading room, down some s-t h It to the
drawing room, through a b ug passage Into
the dining room, and. drawing his lsitor
Into the corner, behind tie hat rack, he
whispered :
"I really don't know anything about It."
London Spare Moments.
No More ptcMoMX.
Kxeltcmcnt over polities nlwnvs run
high In the Chicago district represented bv
James Me-Amlrcwi. He was to address his
constituents one night during the last cam
paign, when the chairman of the meeting,
a big fellow namid Murphy, askrd If the-e
was anyone who wanted to ask a question.
Nn one nnswered.
"Does anyone wish to ask a question be
fore the speaking begins?" pgain akcd
Murphy.
"Mister Chairman. T would like to nsk a
few questions," said one man. Instantly
he was thrown out of the hall.
"Poes anv other gentleman desire to ask
a question!" again asked Chairman
Murphy. Seeing no one rise, he added:
"If not. the speaking will begin." New
York 'World.
ifv
Ilandoluli and tbe Ilonlfior.
"Many yarns have been told of the iras
cible, though brilliant and ki-en wilted,
statesman. John Randolph of Roanoke,"
said an old resident to a party of friends.
"1 never had the pleasure of meeting the
distinguished Virginian myself, but so.me
of my relatives many years olehr than my
self knew him personally.
"One of the most amusing anecdotes I
ever heard of hlni related to an event that
happened in Virginia at one of the roadside
Inns, where the famous senator. In the
course of a business Journey, had been
forced by the coming of darkness to tarry
for a night. The landlord made everything
as comfortable as he possibly could for his
guest, who by his retiring manners made
ll evident he would not allow any ap
proaches of sociability. Poniface could
not, however, refrain from asking the
senator as he mounted his horse to ride
away In the morning in which direction he
was traveling.
"Mr. Randolph said: 'Is my bill settled'.'
Po 1 owe you anything?'
" 'Not n cent," said the host, 'everything
Is perfectly correct, Mr. Randolph.'
" 'Then,' said the departing statesman.
'In that cane I wish you to understand I
am going where I d d please."
"Randolph rode on, but soon came to a
place where the roads forked. He was
rain plussed and decided to return and In
quire of the deeply Insulted landlord which
of the two ro ids he should take to reach
his destination.
" 'Mr. Randolph.' said mine host, 'you
have paid your bill; you don't owe me a
rent, and you can take whichever road you
d d please." "Washington Times.
llreuklnw I l Kvll Institution.
A cer'.iln old deacon who formerly lived
in W.tm nshiiig. Va.. was a good deal
like several sanctified looking old lellows
who still live in the country towns and
occasionally visit Its cities "on business."
This good man wis found "bucking the
tiger" in a St. Louis gambling bouse with
an energy of purpose that was admirable.
"What." ixe laiim el the young man who
found him. Stirling backward. "Oencoii,
is It posslbl- you are here?" "Oh, yes,"
ce'ltnly rejoined tho old sinner. "I am
bound to break up this evil Institution."
Win It Was.
A well known New York clergyman was
telling his I'.lble class the slery of the
prodigal son at a recent session, and wish
ing to emphasize the disagreeable nttl'ial
of the oliier luo'lnr on Ihat occasion, he
laid ispiclel stress on (his ph ise of the
parable. After drse riding the rejeiieing of
the house hole! over the return of the way
ward sin, l.e spok' of one who, In the
midst ol the festivities, failed to share
in the Jubilant s irit of tbe occasiem.
"Can anybody In the class," lie asked,
"(.II me who this was?"
A small lev, who had been listening
sympalhctii ally to tbe story put up his
haml.
"I know," he said, benmingly: "it was
the failed calf."- Harpi r's Weekly.
Senators l;:ay nnd Vest.
This Is n tnry of conscience. Senators
Quay and Vest for years were the Pamon
and Pythias of the senate, a fnct that
tends to prove that npposttos really do
make congenial companions. No two men.
apparently, can furnish more pronounced
contrasts than these two senators. Quay,
a northern man: Vest, from the South.
Quay a pronounced republican and up
holeVr f protection: Vest a dyed-in-the-wool
democrat and believer In free traele;
Quay a colonel In the union army; Vest
prom! of the fact Hint he feiught for the
confederacy. Hut given two fi-hlng lines
and a pot of bait ami these veterans ex
perienced that one touch of nature which
makes the whole world kin.
A few years ago, ns a result of the fierce
factional fight In Pennsylvania. Quay
reached Washington with a certificate of
appointment to the senate from the gov
ernor of the Keystone state. Th legisla
ture had lieen deadlocked; the question
Immediately arose In the I'nlted States
senate-Is the appointment constitutional?
The lawyers In the upper house of congress
S
debated the proposition for weeks; that
practical senators counted noses. It was
nelmitteel by both sieb a that it was a neck
ami neck contest --thai a single vote would
decide the- Issue. At Ihat time It was us-sii-ted
ami believed that if Quay were not
scale e it vvouhl sound the death knell of
his political supremacy. The, Qua) tics
claimi'd Vest as a matter of coujrse.
The Ml.-souii sinator had been very ill
ami it was feared would not he in his
se-at when the vole was taken. On tho
morning of the fateful hissIoii the green
baize deiors of the senate were pushed
open ii tul Vest, looking haggard inul worn,
was insisted to his place. Surely the Issuo
thus) be momentous lo bring a maii trout
his sick bed? The loll call proceeded amid
the most intense Interest. Kvcry senator
was In his place keeping tab on the- vote.
On the surface a constitutional qiii'stidii
was to be decided; Icncalh it the career
of the most criticised and most masterful
politician of America was at stake,
llaniia. ambushed lender of the opposition,
was ill at ease; IVliroU'. captain of tho
Quay furies, making a great show of con
fidence, was lllleel with doubt. The nniucs
were- culled In alphabetical order nnd tho
clerk was near the end of the roll. It was
a tie.
Anilel heart-breaking silence every man
In Hie' i liamhcr almost at the same instant
rcallzeel that Vest would have the deciellim
vote. Would be vote "yes" to accept tho
questioned credentials on Ids llshlng chum,
or "no" to reject them?
"Mr. Vest," called the clerk, will a mo
notonous drawl.
Kvery eye was turned in the direction of
the Missouri senator. He sat motionless,
unheeding the call.
"Mr. Vest," repealed the clerk, ill a rising
Voice, as if i nil at the physical effort
l'eeuireel to call a name twice.
Once more every eye turned toward tho
veteran from tbe south ami every ear was
strained to hear his response. He half rose
in his seat, anil the n in a voice tli.it wan
husky ami trembling he answered:
"I vote 'no.' "
Then the man who could not ovcrioino
his constitutional convict ions sank back in
his seat exhausted, and the wires Hashed
forth the news that his Ihisoiii friend had
met vvllh disaster. Quay's partisans were
furious, but Quay's, voice was siili-nt unit
bis face Inscrutable. Only once he spoke,
ami that was to bid a man who was abus
ing Vest to lie silent.
That was the act of Hie drama that was
only half seen and not uinlerstooel by the
public. Hut its sequel was truly Quny
liko. Two years later Hie Pennsylvania
legislature re-elected Quay to the senate.
His journey t the national capital mas
llko a til, noi.li. el tour. Flowers went
dumped lulu the senate by the wagon
load; Quay followers packed the galleries.
He took I be oath calmly, possibly with an
Inward feeling of elation over Ids victory,
but after that disappeared In a most mys
terious manne r. Admirers who wanted tn
give him a dinner were tionplussi d. When
he r turned lour or live hours later a mem
ber of bis family inquired anxiously:
"Where have ou been? Your friend
have been looking for you everywhere."
"I have bei n taking dinner with an ohl
friend," he said, quietly.
"Who was it?"
Quay shifted uliout, like a schoolboy
about to be molded, and said, with Just u
touch of defiance:
"it was my Ire ml. Vest."
Ami so it was, ami the friendship of many,
many years still continues, Philadelphia
I'rcu
N vSss,
