The Mfrgor Gorrrnor.
t lOVKKNOU S. It. VAN SANT of
I fa I Minnesota tells a story of Ills ex
l J oerlerien with !L t:ill l:i ilk resident
of Otter Tail county who walked
Into liis ollice recently, ami, acci
dentally meeting him at the door of tlij
private executive office, asked for the gov
ernor. Governor Van Sai.t is somewhat
less than average height, stoekly built and
rotuncl. His appeitrunco is thut of a pros
perous business man.
"You the governor?" th" visitor asked.
"Yes," riovctror Van Sunt responded.
"You fit tho merger?" the man asked,
doubtfully.
"Our state w'ns concerned In the fight,"
the, governor replied.
"Wall," tlio stranger retorted, "I walked
In ninety-one miles to Kit n look at you.
I jes' want to say, though, that If that
merger hrd ever got a look at you they
wouldn't ever been any victory. They'd a
Jes' stotnpled 'long about their business.
You ain't bit? enough to buck even a wood
Haw."
Sired It I'll.
A story is told in the house democratic
cloakrooms of Representative Bankhead's
r.ppearance ;it one of the registration
places of Alabama, lie found tho regis
tration officials busily engaged In ascer
taining a negro's o,urilitle:.tions for exer
cising tho right of suffrage. One of the.
requisites, under the new constitution, is
ability to read or Interpret any part of
that document.
Mr. Banktuad was standing fit one side,
observing- the proceeding, when a regis
tration official approached in great per
plexity. "Mr. Rankhcad," said he, "this
Is a very smart negro. We have asked him
ever' question we can think of. He an
swers them all. Can you suggest any
thing?" "Why den't you ask him to explain a
writ of certiorari?" responded the astute
Alabama member.
That was done. The negro scratched
Ms he-id for a time, veTy much In doubt
what to say.
" 'Peed, boss." he finally replied. "I
Fuess you've done got me. I doan know
What dat Is Vcpt It le something to keep
a nigger from votlnff." Washington Tost.
("nil for the Cook.
Mark Twain and W. 1). Ifowells were
one day lunching in a cafe In New Y'ork.
Two overdressed young men entered, and
the first said in a loud voice: "Walter,
bring me some bisque of lobster, a bottle,
of wine and a chop. Just mention my
name to the cook, too. so that everything
will be done to my liking." Tho second
young man said: "Hring me Bonus solo
with peas, and tell the rook who it s for."
Mr. Twain gave his order a moment later,
lie said In a loud voice: "Bring me a half
doeen oysters, and mention my name to
each of them."
1'qtial to the Kinervenpy,
"I have Just found the especial difference
between tie Hoston & Albany railroad and
tho road of which I'm presidmt. " said
President Charles S. Molten of the New
Toik. New Haven & Hartford railroad.
"A
friend of mine who Uvea In Spring!!
eld.
Mass., has shown me the difference.
He
n ijs Mini me rew l orK. .New Haven
&
Hartford sells a ticket bearing the words
'I hi. id in either direction, ' while the Boston
& Albany dots nothing of the sort. If
tha
ti.ket says Worcester to SnrliiKticld.
the
travelT may to from Worcester in Knrii...
Held, but not from Springfield to Worcester.
My friend said that a good woman of his
acquaintance once got the better of the
conductor when she found herself going In
the opposite direction from which the
ticket read. The conductor insistetl that
site pay fare, because her ticket bore the
Words 'Springfield to Worcester," when tho
woman was traveling from the latter place
to PpilngfU-ld.
" 'You are going the wrong way,' Insisted
Hie conductor. 'Your ticket's no good. You
should be heading In the other direction.'
"The woman shut her lips lightly and the
conductor passed on, remarking that she
could think It over and he would collect
her fare the next time he came through.
Tho next lime he came through he found
the woman still holding nut the refused
ticket, but she had turned her seit over
and was facing tho opposite direction."
New York Times.
tn II In Ml nil.
Someone asked Representative Watson
what he had on his mind.
"That reminds me," said Mr Watson,
"of a story I heard about the vice presi
dency. Cine day Atllal K. Stevenson, when
he was vice president, was walking along
the street end one passerby remarked to
another:
" "There goes the vice president."
" 'The vice president, eh,' retorted the
man addressed. 'Well, he doesn't appear
much different from other men. He seems
to wear about the same sized shoes, and
about the same sized hat. In fact, ho
doesn't look ns If he had anything in
t he world on his mind except the health
of the president.' "Washington Post.
Outside Ills District.
During a recent visit of James Ham
ilton I'Wis, formerly a member of the
house, to Washington, be told tills yarn as
Illustrating the Inability of the avcrago
congressman to give consideration to any
thing outside his jurisdiction."
"There was once a western member,"
says Mr. Lewis, "who was strolling In
the moonlight with the young woman
whom he had just asked to become his
wife.
"The member was too full for utterance,
but the young woman was disposed to give
vent to her sentimental thoughts. Pointing
to the stars above them, the young woman
said:
" 'See those beautiful stars!'. Then, soul
fully, site added: 'Have you ever reflected
that they may be worlds such as ours?
" 'Yes,' replied the member; 'some such
thought has occurred to me.'
" 'Also,' continued the young woman,
'that they may be Inhabited by human
beings such as we. who struggle and hope
after our own manner?'
" 'Well, no,' said the member; 'I must
confess that 1 have given them little
thought.'
"'And why not?' asked the young
woman, with a note of reproach lu her
voice.
"'Well,' rejoined the rneiiber, luonic
ftlly, '1 suppose one reason K that they
don't vote in my district:" '-Philadelphia.
Ledger.
Parly IlUiiitegrntitm.
William Jennings Bryan was telling a
party of friends about a that he hud with
a long-whiskered populist lie met on the
steamer returning from abroad.
"Hon't you think the mission of the p.,p.
Ulist party Is about ended?" asked Mr
Bryan of the bearded man.
"I wish I knew for sure," replied he
lf there ain't any chan.e for my party
I'd marry a widow worth a fortune.'
"What's tli.it got to do with politics?"
"Well, you .-co, the widow would accept
mo if I'd shave," said the hirsute popubst.
New York Times.
Mie Vn i'irctl.
He was a traveling man, and it was tha
lirst day of their wedding trip. The train
had st.'pped at a supper station where the
groom had often eaten, and where he as
sured her they would have some of tho
sweetest honey ever brewed by busy bee.
As he seated his blushing bride he looked
the table over, frowned, and calling a
waiter whom he evidently knew, said:
"See here, Johnson, wliere's my honey?"
Johnson eyed the lady doubtfully and
si emed III at ease; but tlnally making up
his mind that he had sized up the situa
tion correctly, replied in a stage staccato:
"She doan w 'k henh no moali sah-tUme
got too Hip an wuz llah'd !"- Hill Barlow's
Budget.
Under Deeply Impressed.
A butler hired by the Preston Gibsons ns
"extra help" during Miss Roosevelt's stay
in Chicago recently, resumed his duties at
the Auditorium Annex. His name, or at
hast ail that Is known uf It downtown, Is
(iibbs.
"Miss Konsevelt his a line lldy. she ts,"
said tlibl's. "Hif III was a young man with
a rich father like young Master John
tireenway. 111 would marry 'er myself hlf
she would 'live me.
"May be you think that hnny person bin
my position, has sort hof supernumerary
butler, doesn't know a lldy when 'e sees 'er.
But thai his where you hare mistaken. Sho
give me $10 when she was getting ready to
drive to the slitio'n, hand she give me a
swwt smile arid a 'thank ye' like a llen
gllsh lady, too."
An expression of profound appreciation
and delight spread over the countenance of
(tilths at the recollection.
"The cook, she was remembered halso."
lie continued. "Hand hall the others the.
same. Miss Roosevelt, she tlid not forget
Jinny one. Hand the best hof hit hall was
that she remembered me hand the hnthcr
butler, because we were not regular hem
ployes, you know, although, hof course,
Miss Roosevelt did not know that, prob
ably. "Hif hany one basks me hahout hit, tr
will tell them the daughter hof the presi
dent of the country his Just like a princess
bin Hengland." Chicago Inter Ocean.
lie Wsitletl to Choose.
George Irfiwlcr vouches for this, but he
balks at telling the name of the doctor. A
small boy was told by his mother that there
would be a new baby for biin to play with,
as the doctor was going to bi'ig It In his
black bag. That afternoon he youngster
appeared at the otllce of the family physi
cian and said:
"Are you going to bring a new baby to
our house?"
"Yes, my little man," replied the doctor,
highly amused.
"Then," returned the small boy, "let me
have a look at the kids you have In stock,
nnd 1 11 pick out the one I think I'll like,
bt st."--Birmingham Post.
lloMie-r;rn n Poeiry.
A member of the (ieorgla delegation says
that at Marietta, his state, where the Na
tional cemetery is located, about W.iHO fed
eral soldiers are buried, and the cemetery
Is under the care of a nnn-lcgged confed
erate who Is a general favorite with visi
tors, lie is known as 'Tuile Peg." ami Is
something of a poet. Recently some north
ern isItors were shown through the well
kept city of the dead by the old man, and
he was asketl to gle them a specimen of
his poetry.
"I can't make pin try." said the old man.
"That Is Just a joke these boys around her
get off on me."
"I felt you would be modest about It,"
replied one of the visitors, coaxingly, "but I
am sure you possess some uf the talents of
Burns or Moore."
"1 don't think so," said Tnele Peg, "but I
do know a piece which I can recite by
heart, as the school children say. Here it
is:
The Yankees came In numerous bands
To free our nlKg' rs anil steal our lands;
But these little mounds mark the spot
(If all the lauds these Yankees got.
The visitors smiled and departed.- Wash
Ington Times.
Ilniinnns, o rnjnmns.
Walter Camp, the athletic adviser of Yuln
university, was recently entertaining .'l
gathering of his under graduate friends
with experiences of his own.
He told of a dinner where n charming1
young woman was seated next to an ex
ceedingly deaf old man. She hud done her
best to Interest him, but found It necessary
to shout out each remark unto the third
nnd fourth narration lie lore the old man
could catch the point.
So the time drugged along, till the dinner
was waning and the fruit was passed.
The young woman determined to make a
Until effort at being agreeable, so she threw
her voice Into saying:
"Ho you like bananas?"
"How's that?" asketl her neighbor in a
surprised lono.
"Do you like bananas?" she repeated.
"Well, my dear," he replied, "so long as
you have Introduced the topic, I will say
that I much prefer the old-fashioned night
shirt." New York Tribune.
KdKorlal Consolation.
Senator Cullom tells of an amusing Inci
dent that occurred in the editorial office of
a paper published III Bloomington, III.
Tlie senator bad dropped in for a friendly
fli.it with his friend, the editor, and hail
hardly seated himself when there appeared
a well known character of the town a
type of individual common to every locality,
the man who knows "how the paper ought
to be run."
Without noticing the presence of Mr.
Culloin, tlie man launched into a complaint
that the palter had not printed certain)
urticles he had written for It.
"Why," said he, "I gave 'em to you
months ago! What have you done with
'cm?"
The etlitor smiled sadly. "I'm holding
them." he replied. "And they serve a very
good purpose, too. Now and then I get to
thinking that perhaps we are not offering;
the public as good a paper as we ought to.
At such times I look up your articles ami
see how much worse the sheet might bo.
So I become real cheerful again! Pleas
don't take them from me!"
Art.
The man of affairs having come to tho
ugn when, by all the canons of polity
usage, he should make an art collection,
lu- had recourse to connoisseurs.
"Gentlemen," said he to these, "I give
you carte blanche, but I shall watch you.
If I find you lire lllllng my house with a
lot of stuff that doesn't bore me, 1 shall
drop you and get somebody else."
The connoisseur listened resiectf ully,
perceiving that they had an extraordinary
mind to deal with. Life.
