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About Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922 | View Entire Issue (March 27, 1904)
The Mfrgor Gorrrnor. t lOVKKNOU S. It. VAN SANT of I fa I Minnesota tells a story of Ills ex l J oerlerien with !L t:ill l:i ilk resident of Otter Tail county who walked Into liis ollice recently, ami, acci dentally meeting him at the door of tlij private executive office, asked for the gov ernor. Governor Van Sai.t is somewhat less than average height, stoekly built and rotuncl. His appeitrunco is thut of a pros perous business man. "You the governor?" th" visitor asked. "Yes," riovctror Van Sunt responded. "You fit tho merger?" the man asked, doubtfully. "Our state w'ns concerned In the fight," the, governor replied. "Wall," tlio stranger retorted, "I walked In ninety-one miles to Kit n look at you. I jes' want to say, though, that If that merger hrd ever got a look at you they wouldn't ever been any victory. They'd a Jes' stotnpled 'long about their business. You ain't bit? enough to buck even a wood Haw." Sired It I'll. A story is told in the house democratic cloakrooms of Representative Bankhead's r.ppearance ;it one of the registration places of Alabama, lie found tho regis tration officials busily engaged In ascer taining a negro's o,urilitle:.tions for exer cising tho right of suffrage. One of the. requisites, under the new constitution, is ability to read or Interpret any part of that document. Mr. Banktuad was standing fit one side, observing- the proceeding, when a regis tration official approached in great per plexity. "Mr. Rankhcad," said he, "this Is a very smart negro. We have asked him ever' question we can think of. He an swers them all. Can you suggest any thing?" "Why den't you ask him to explain a writ of certiorari?" responded the astute Alabama member. That was done. The negro scratched Ms he-id for a time, veTy much In doubt what to say. " 'Peed, boss." he finally replied. "I Fuess you've done got me. I doan know What dat Is Vcpt It le something to keep a nigger from votlnff." Washington Tost. ("nil for the Cook. Mark Twain and W. 1). Ifowells were one day lunching in a cafe In New Y'ork. Two overdressed young men entered, and the first said in a loud voice: "Walter, bring me some bisque of lobster, a bottle, of wine and a chop. Just mention my name to the cook, too. so that everything will be done to my liking." Tho second young man said: "Hring me Bonus solo with peas, and tell the rook who it s for." Mr. Twain gave his order a moment later, lie said In a loud voice: "Bring me a half doeen oysters, and mention my name to each of them." 1'qtial to the Kinervenpy, "I have Just found the especial difference between tie Hoston & Albany railroad and tho road of which I'm presidmt. " said President Charles S. Molten of the New Toik. New Haven & Hartford railroad. "A friend of mine who Uvea In Spring!! eld. Mass., has shown me the difference. He n ijs Mini me rew l orK. .New Haven & Hartford sells a ticket bearing the words 'I hi. id in either direction, ' while the Boston & Albany dots nothing of the sort. If tha ti.ket says Worcester to SnrliiKticld. the travelT may to from Worcester in Knrii... Held, but not from Springfield to Worcester. My friend said that a good woman of his acquaintance once got the better of the conductor when she found herself going In the opposite direction from which the ticket read. The conductor insistetl that site pay fare, because her ticket bore the Words 'Springfield to Worcester," when tho woman was traveling from the latter place to PpilngfU-ld. " 'You are going the wrong way,' Insisted Hie conductor. 'Your ticket's no good. You should be heading In the other direction.' "The woman shut her lips lightly and the conductor passed on, remarking that she could think It over and he would collect her fare the next time he came through. Tho next lime he came through he found the woman still holding nut the refused ticket, but she had turned her seit over and was facing tho opposite direction." New York Times. tn II In Ml nil. Someone asked Representative Watson what he had on his mind. "That reminds me," said Mr Watson, "of a story I heard about the vice presi dency. Cine day Atllal K. Stevenson, when he was vice president, was walking along the street end one passerby remarked to another: " "There goes the vice president." " 'The vice president, eh,' retorted the man addressed. 'Well, he doesn't appear much different from other men. He seems to wear about the same sized shoes, and about the same sized hat. In fact, ho doesn't look ns If he had anything in t he world on his mind except the health of the president.' "Washington Post. Outside Ills District. During a recent visit of James Ham ilton I'Wis, formerly a member of the house, to Washington, be told tills yarn as Illustrating the Inability of the avcrago congressman to give consideration to any thing outside his jurisdiction." "There was once a western member," says Mr. Lewis, "who was strolling In the moonlight with the young woman whom he had just asked to become his wife. "The member was too full for utterance, but the young woman was disposed to give vent to her sentimental thoughts. Pointing to the stars above them, the young woman said: " 'See those beautiful stars!'. Then, soul fully, site added: 'Have you ever reflected that they may be worlds such as ours? " 'Yes,' replied the member; 'some such thought has occurred to me.' " 'Also,' continued the young woman, 'that they may be Inhabited by human beings such as we. who struggle and hope after our own manner?' " 'Well, no,' said the member; 'I must confess that 1 have given them little thought.' "'And why not?' asked the young woman, with a note of reproach lu her voice. "'Well,' rejoined the rneiiber, luonic ftlly, '1 suppose one reason K that they don't vote in my district:" '-Philadelphia. Ledger. Parly IlUiiitegrntitm. William Jennings Bryan was telling a party of friends about a that he hud with a long-whiskered populist lie met on the steamer returning from abroad. "Hon't you think the mission of the p.,p. Ulist party Is about ended?" asked Mr Bryan of the bearded man. "I wish I knew for sure," replied he lf there ain't any chan.e for my party I'd marry a widow worth a fortune.' "What's tli.it got to do with politics?" "Well, you .-co, the widow would accept mo if I'd shave," said the hirsute popubst. New York Times. Mie Vn i'irctl. He was a traveling man, and it was tha lirst day of their wedding trip. The train had st.'pped at a supper station where the groom had often eaten, and where he as sured her they would have some of tho sweetest honey ever brewed by busy bee. As he seated his blushing bride he looked the table over, frowned, and calling a waiter whom he evidently knew, said: "See here, Johnson, wliere's my honey?" Johnson eyed the lady doubtfully and si emed III at ease; but tlnally making up his mind that he had sized up the situa tion correctly, replied in a stage staccato: "She doan w 'k henh no moali sah-tUme got too Hip an wuz llah'd !"- Hill Barlow's Budget. Under Deeply Impressed. A butler hired by the Preston Gibsons ns "extra help" during Miss Roosevelt's stay in Chicago recently, resumed his duties at the Auditorium Annex. His name, or at hast ail that Is known uf It downtown, Is (iibbs. "Miss Konsevelt his a line lldy. she ts," said tlibl's. "Hif III was a young man with a rich father like young Master John tireenway. 111 would marry 'er myself hlf she would 'live me. "May be you think that hnny person bin my position, has sort hof supernumerary butler, doesn't know a lldy when 'e sees 'er. But thai his where you hare mistaken. Sho give me $10 when she was getting ready to drive to the slitio'n, hand she give me a swwt smile arid a 'thank ye' like a llen gllsh lady, too." An expression of profound appreciation and delight spread over the countenance of (tilths at the recollection. "The cook, she was remembered halso." lie continued. "Hand hall the others the. same. Miss Roosevelt, she tlid not forget Jinny one. Hand the best hof hit hall was that she remembered me hand the hnthcr butler, because we were not regular hem ployes, you know, although, hof course, Miss Roosevelt did not know that, prob ably. "Hif hany one basks me hahout hit, tr will tell them the daughter hof the presi dent of the country his Just like a princess bin Hengland." Chicago Inter Ocean. lie Wsitletl to Choose. George Irfiwlcr vouches for this, but he balks at telling the name of the doctor. A small boy was told by his mother that there would be a new baby for biin to play with, as the doctor was going to bi'ig It In his black bag. That afternoon he youngster appeared at the otllce of the family physi cian and said: "Are you going to bring a new baby to our house?" "Yes, my little man," replied the doctor, highly amused. "Then," returned the small boy, "let me have a look at the kids you have In stock, nnd 1 11 pick out the one I think I'll like, bt st."--Birmingham Post. lloMie-r;rn n Poeiry. A member of the (ieorgla delegation says that at Marietta, his state, where the Na tional cemetery is located, about W.iHO fed eral soldiers are buried, and the cemetery Is under the care of a nnn-lcgged confed erate who Is a general favorite with visi tors, lie is known as 'Tuile Peg." ami Is something of a poet. Recently some north ern isItors were shown through the well kept city of the dead by the old man, and he was asketl to gle them a specimen of his poetry. "I can't make pin try." said the old man. "That Is Just a joke these boys around her get off on me." "I felt you would be modest about It," replied one of the visitors, coaxingly, "but I am sure you possess some uf the talents of Burns or Moore." "1 don't think so," said Tnele Peg, "but I do know a piece which I can recite by heart, as the school children say. Here it is: The Yankees came In numerous bands To free our nlKg' rs anil steal our lands; But these little mounds mark the spot (If all the lauds these Yankees got. The visitors smiled and departed.- Wash Ington Times. Ilniinnns, o rnjnmns. Walter Camp, the athletic adviser of Yuln university, was recently entertaining .'l gathering of his under graduate friends with experiences of his own. He told of a dinner where n charming1 young woman was seated next to an ex ceedingly deaf old man. She hud done her best to Interest him, but found It necessary to shout out each remark unto the third nnd fourth narration lie lore the old man could catch the point. So the time drugged along, till the dinner was waning and the fruit was passed. The young woman determined to make a Until effort at being agreeable, so she threw her voice Into saying: "Ho you like bananas?" "How's that?" asketl her neighbor in a surprised lono. "Do you like bananas?" she repeated. "Well, my dear," he replied, "so long as you have Introduced the topic, I will say that I much prefer the old-fashioned night shirt." New York Tribune. KdKorlal Consolation. Senator Cullom tells of an amusing Inci dent that occurred in the editorial office of a paper published III Bloomington, III. Tlie senator bad dropped in for a friendly fli.it with his friend, the editor, and hail hardly seated himself when there appeared a well known character of the town a type of individual common to every locality, the man who knows "how the paper ought to be run." Without noticing the presence of Mr. Culloin, tlie man launched into a complaint that the palter had not printed certain) urticles he had written for It. "Why," said he, "I gave 'em to you months ago! What have you done with 'cm?" The etlitor smiled sadly. "I'm holding them." he replied. "And they serve a very good purpose, too. Now and then I get to thinking that perhaps we are not offering; the public as good a paper as we ought to. At such times I look up your articles ami see how much worse the sheet might bo. So I become real cheerful again! Pleas don't take them from me!" Art. The man of affairs having come to tho ugn when, by all the canons of polity usage, he should make an art collection, lu- had recourse to connoisseurs. "Gentlemen," said he to these, "I give you carte blanche, but I shall watch you. If I find you lire lllllng my house with a lot of stuff that doesn't bore me, 1 shall drop you and get somebody else." The connoisseur listened resiectf ully, perceiving that they had an extraordinary mind to deal with. Life.