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Antl-I'olytramy Test.
L. HARBOCR, one of the editors
I of the Youths' Companion, takes
a lot or pleasure in renenrsing
stories of the Sunday school. He
tells the following us one of hid
favorites: "One Sunday a prominent ex
porter visited the Sunday scIhmM. He. was
asked to make a few remarks and in some
way brought his subject around to the
matter of polygamy. He explained what
it was, and then asked. 'Now, can any of
you children tell me why polygamy Is
wrong?
" 'Yes, sir,' piped up a small boy. 'Be
cause It says In tho Bible that a man can
not have two masters.' "
History AIMrmed.
One of William II. Parson's favorite
Btories to Illustrate tho greatness of New
York la that of the two Englishmen, one
of whom had been In this country for a
few months and the other of whom was
just enjoying his first walk down Broad
way. "Well, what do you think of It?" asked
the first.
"I have just been thinking," said the
new arrival, "what a d fool King George
was," New York Times.
There Wu Xohody Hlnderlnsc Them.
Representative Clayton of Alabama and
Representative Griggs of Georgia, whose
districts adjoin, went hunting one day last
fall. They stayed out Utter than they ex
pected to and at sunset found themselves
miles from home and without foud or drink.
They trudged ulong until they came to a
cabin at the end of a lane they had been
following. Clayton rapped at the door.
An old man stuck his head out of the
window and asked, gruffly: "What do
you-all want?"
"We want to stay here all night," said
Clayton.
"Well," growled the old man, as ha
banged the window shut, "stay there; no
body's hlnderin' you." New York World,
$
Hare Wi(k at Trail.
Senator Dubois tells of a Kentucky moun
taineer's first experience with a railway
train. He had gone to the nearest station
to see the transportation wonder, arriving
ahead of schedule time, so that the train
rould not steal by him unawares. After a
while he started out to meet the belated
locomotive. He met It as it rounded a
curve. Turning about, the mountaineer ran
long the track as for his life. "Toot, toot,"
sounded the locomotive, slowing up. but
the mountaineer only dug the gravel more
Industriously than ever. He soon reached
the station, completely out of breath. "Why
didn't you cut across?" inquired one of the
bystanders. "Cut across?" roared tho
mountaineer. "If I'd ever took to that
plowed land the blamed thing would have
caught up with me for sure."
Gratitude for Small Comforts.
The thankful spirit finds occasion for
gratitude for the smallest comforts. Llp
plncotfs magazine tells this: A camp
meeting was In progress in the wire grass
region of Georgia. The afternoon sen-ice
was eondurted by l?ncle Mose Bradford,
an exhorter of deep piety, but entirely In
nocent of hook teaming. He took for hU
text on this occasion the words of St.
Paul: "For I have learned In whatso
ever state I am therewith to be content."
After talking about fifteen minutes on the
Iienuty of contentment from a Christian's
point of view, he suddenly announced, that
he was going to "throw the meeting open."
Ills Invitation was: "If you're got any-
andoin
Ik V
thing to be thankful for, git up and say
so." One after another rose and spoke of
peace and contentment under circumstances
that seemed Impossible, judged from a
worldly standpoint. Some said they were
thankful for things they had missed, and
ot-last an old lady arose, pushed back
tier suiilionnel and, with a beaming coun
tenanee, triumphantly exclaimed; "Well.
Brother Mose. I hain't got but two teeth,
but, thank (Jod, they hit!"
Koraot and Looked Bark,
Senator Chnuncey M. Depcw, famous for
his post-prandlal speeches. Is the author of
this story:
"One day I met a soldier who had been
wounded In the face. He was a union man
and I asked him in which battle he had
been injured.
' 'In the last battle of Bull Run, sir,' he
replied.
" "But how could you get hit in the face
at Bull Run?' I asked.
" 'Well, sir.' said the man, half apolo
getically, 'after I had run a mile or two I
got careless and looked back."
Why ShfMked Claim.
Mrs. Kate Bostwick, who is active in po
litical work among Brooklyn women, re
cently endeavored to induce a lively young
matron In that borough to Join the
Woman's Republican league, and met with
a Hat refusal.
"But your husband Is a republican and
you belong to the Woman's Suffrage asso
ciation," persisted Mrs. Bostwick.
"I belong to the Suffrage association and
alto to the Anti-Suffrage association," was
the placid reply. "1 like the women in one
nnd the refreshments In the other, but,
honestly. I do not believe in either." Niw
York Times.
Suicide atari Poetry.
Neshlt rinehurst had returned from the
Adlrondacks and was relating Koine of his
experiences. 1
"Yes, 8ydney." he said, "she made fools
of both of us."
"What!" said Sydney. "In one thort
summer?"
"No." said Nesbit. "In two short weeks."
"What did George do?" Inquired Sydney.
"George, poor fellow," replied Nesbit,
"threw himself Into Lake Champluin."
"Drowned himself?"
"Drowned himself."
"WHI, what did you do. Nesbit. old ly?"
"What did I do? I didn't do a thing. Syd
ney. I wrote some verses about the affair
and sent them to a magaslne." IJpn!n
rott's. The IVwetor Saved.
Ex-Chief of Police Devery of New York
tells this story about a young doctor:
"A young doctor had the habit of drink
ing too much in the evening, after working
hours. One night his het patient, a rich
and straight laced old woman, sent for
him, and he decided he would make a
call on her, though he was pretty far gone,
and iic knew it.
"So he took anothir drink to brace him,
got In his carriage and drove to the rich
woman's house. He found her in bed.
He asked her a question or two. unhurried
all the time of his thick voice, and then
he took hold of her wrist to count her
pulse.
"But he found he couldn't count her
pulse; he was too far gone even for thai.
Turning a deep purple with mortification
and shame, he said: 'Drink, by Jove.' and
without another word he staggered out of
the room and went home.
"Next morning, as he lay In lied, put
tloft off getting up because his head ached.
9 M i
a letter was brought, to him, and he
opened it with a groan, for he recognized
th? handwriting of his rich old female
patient, and he knew that now she was
giving him his dismissal.
"But when he opened the letler. out
dropped a check for JlfiO, and he read some
thing tike this:
" 'Dear Doctor-I know only too well that
yon discovered on visiting me Inst nlKlit
the unfortunate anil shameful condition
In which I had placed myself by accident;
but I trust that you will regard what
you witntsscd as a professional secret,
and I enclose a small check that will, t
hope, be sufficient to, repay you for your
trouble.' " .. ... $
An Amusing, "Bouquet."
President lladley of Yale Is considered i
clever maker of phruses. Ills introduc
tions, usih! at the commencement exercises
for those about to receive honorary de
grees, are usually little masterpieces; but
his ability to say much In a few words
does not render him Immune from making
"bulls." A year or two ago an art club,
comioicd principally of professors at tho
university, gave a dinner to which the
wives of memliers were Invited. The tables
were spread in the main gallery In the
art school, and Preshlent lladley acted as
toastmasler. As Is customary when women
are present at a banquet, the tostmaster
handed out a large line of "rhetorical bou
quets." to which the women present were
ermitted to help themselves. One of the
"bouquets'" was a surprise to thes" of Dr.
Hadley's hearers who caught its unintended
significance. With a comprehensive wave of
the bund, President lladley pointed to
the works of art on the walls of the
room, anil said:
"What need have we of all these painted
beauties on the wall when so many are
gathered here tonight around this festive;
hoard?"
The Art club Is no lenger In existence,
and the only "painted beauties" present
on tint occasion are still on exhibition at
the Yale Art school. New York Times.
Ilontwell's Clever Itejolnder.
George 8. Boutwell of Massachusetts, sec
retary of the treasury under General Grant,
was a most efficient executive officer, and
won the good wilt of the employes by his
generous treatment of his subordinates. He
w?s p. great enthusiast on base ball and on
almost any line afternoon, alter the work
at the treasury was over, could lie found
nt tha ball grounds applauding the go nl
work of the home team. He encouraged
the employes of the department to take
plenty of outdoor exercise. He pointed
out that it would le beneficial to their
health and tended to fit the men for a
better discharge of the more important
duties of life.
During Ills term of office some of the
less efficient men were removed to givo
place to new Idood. One clerk who wis
dropped averred that he had lost bis
position because he was a democrat, lie
appealed to Secretary Boutwell for restora
tion. "Mr. Secretaiy," he said, "I am afraid
tht I luvv Uu removed bucauuu of my
polities'."
"What makes you think so?" asked tho
secretary.
"I think I was dropped because it Is be
lievid that I was a democrat."
"Indeed, and what are you?"
"I am not a democrat at least not
now."
"Not now!" was the amused comment,
with a shake of the head. "Not now,
eh?"
"Well. Mr. Secretary," was the re
joinder, with a little show of courage, "1
know the time that you were a democrat.
"Yes," was the emphatic reply; 'but
when I was there never was any doubt
about It, and there seems to bo miaj
doubt In your sc."
Microbes on Hank Hills.
"Private" John Allen says licit rec( nt y,
while awaiting his turn to do buslines Willi
a tellei in a Washington bank, he over
heard an amuslni; conversation bclwien
two darkles ahead of him In the line.
The teller had Just finished counting soma
very dilapidated and dirty-looking bild.
"Did vou know lat sometimes dere's a.
lot of dem pizen inlcrobis in money?" asked
one of the dark'es.
"Yaas," replied the other negro, ' but '
Hint make me believe It. De ldear of a
piisson glltin" disease dat way! Look lit
Mislah Unwell Huge-he's SO years old!"
Illull" Potter.
Bishop Potter lias a fund of biiuior tint
makes his stories extremely entertaining.
Not lo.ig ago he told the following:
"When one has lived for years In Amer
ica, without any seciul title in ordinary
conversation, It is not easy to become ac
customed to being hailed ns 'my lord'
whenever any service Is rendered. During
my various trips to Kurope I found It Im
possible to go anywhere or do nnyth ng
without being 'lorded' right ami left. At
last 1 was in a fair way of becoming
spoilt d. when a little occurrence mercifully
delivered me. 1 had reached home ufter a
run abroad, and while descending the gang
plank met a friend, an old vestryman of
mine. He was hurrying on board to rp
celve his wife and daughters. Paining
midway up the plank, he grasped my luu d
slid idiontcd:
"'Why. hellow. Illsh! How are you?"
Harper's Weekly.
An Answer Slae Deserved.
A popular commercial traveler attended
a large social gathering one evening, at d
nfter the supper was over was promenad
ing with one of the guests, a young lady,
to whom be had Just been Introduced. In
the course of the conversation the subject
of business came up. and she. said:
"By the way, Mr. Scott, may 1 ark what
your occupation is?"
"Certainly." he answered, "I am a com
mercial traveler."
"How very Interesting! Do you know,
Mr. Scott, that In the part of the country
where I reside commercial traveleis on
not received In good society?"
Quick as a flash he replied:
"They are not here, either, mad.ira."-"
Louisville Herald.
Uenlus Perverted.
A xingulur feat in tho forgery of bank
note has just la-en accomplished In Co
ponhagin. but with results that ultimately
brought the authors to disaster in a most
ludicrous way. With no apparatus lielter
than a small lithographic prts and one or
two most imerfect and primitive tool a
llthographT had succeeded in producing
111, (Ml notes of 10 kroner, each so MTfect
that only stupidity prevented a great suc
cess. The police quite refused to helleva
that notes so perfect had been produced
with means so Inadequate, but the lithog
rapher, touched In his artistic pride, asked
for his press and. going to work In his
cell, soon demonstrated that It Is possible
to bo at once a knavo and a fine artist.
And now In Copenhagen the strange spec
tacle Is witnessed of forged banknotes for
Id kroner, worth nothing as money, selling
freely among connoisseurs for 30 kroner, aa
beautiful specimens of lithographers' work.
Ixindon Globe.
