The Bnnrboa Teat.
IOHN M. MACK, a shining light of
the Clover club, Philadelphia, waa
In the Pendennls club of Louis
' vlllo not Jong ago and some of
their famous bourbon whisky was
brought forth. Every Kentucklan Is ready
to swear that this particular tipple is the
finest in the world. Mr. Mack, who Is
aware of this general opinion In the blue
grass state, said to a member: "How is
this whisky tested?" "Quite a simple pro
cess, sah," was the Kontucklan's reply.
"We Inject a drop of it Into a rabbit, and If
the rabbit doesn't lick a bUlMog on sight
then the whisky Is no good, sail."
l.rnrnliiK lu Walk,
Clifton Bingham, the author of "In Old
Madrid," has written 2.W0 songs, of which
1.2o) have been published and the other half
rejected.
Mr. Bingham Is not himself a musician,
but he Is an excellent musical critic. His
ear is delicate and sensitive, and nothing
annoys him more than to hear bad ringing
or bad playing.
He was visiting, last month, a cousin of
Ills in Liondon, and this cousin has a son, a
boy of 12 or 13. who practices on the piano
every morning. The muscular lad, banging
falso notes from the Instrument with tre
mendous vigor, tried Mr. Bingham not a
little.
"What on earth are you playing there,
Jimmy?" the song writer cal'ed from the
next room one morning.
"An exercise from 'First Steps in Music,"
the boy answered.
"I knew you were playing with your
feet," said Mr. Bingham, "but would you
mind stepping a little lighter on the keys?"
Boston Post.
fieaeral llnniird'i Conrnae.
General O. O. Howard never drank a drop
In his life, never smoked a cigar and never
wore, except once, and that was at Chan
ceHorsvllle, where some forolgn-born troops
f his ran, and he has 1 - -n quoted as say
ing on that occasion: ' lj.imn the Hutch."
Coneral Howard not only believes tobacco
and liquor to be bad, but he telioves the Use
ot anodynes which deaden the senses la bad
and unmanly.
In the charge at Fair Oaks a bullet shat
tered his arm below the elbow. He kept on
leading. Another bullet came and shattered
the bone in the same arm above the elbow.
He kept on leading When the charge was
over and success was assured General How
ard walked over to a hospital tent where a
surgeon in attendance, after looking at the
arm, said: "It must come off."
"Take It off.' said General Howard.
The hospital attendants began prepara
tions to give the wounded soldier ether. .
"None of that." said the general. "Cut it
off and I'll look on."
The surgeon obeyed orders and Howard
chatted with him to smother the sound ot
the saw. Chicago Post.
Kooaevelt'a f.f-IIa niler,
Jacob Rlls tells this storr of the presi
dent: "In all Mr. Roosevelt's life on the
frontier he was molested only once, and
then by a drunken rowdy, who took him
for a tenderfoot, and with a curse bade
nim treat, at the point of his two revol
vers, while a roomful of men looked stolidly
on. Roosevelt was a stranger In the town
and had no ft lends there. He got up ap
parently to yield to the inevitable, prac
ticing over mentally the while a famous
left-hander that had done execution In the
old Harvard days. The next Instant the
bully crashed against the wall and
and measured his length on the floor. His
pistols went off harmlessly in the air. He
opened his eyes to find the 'four-eyed
tenderfoot' standing over htm bristlng with
fight, while the crowd nodded calmly,
"Served him right. He surrendered then
and there and gave up his guns, while Mr.
Roosevelt went to bed unmolested. No
one was ever after that heurd to express
a wish to fill this tenderfoot 'full of
holes.' "
General Gordon's Gallantry.
Many stories are being told of the late
General Gordon, most of them relating to
his chivalry and gallantry to women. A
correspondent of the Kansas City Star
writes that ho will never forget the gen
eral's reply at a reception In London once,
when asked If he hud time to be Intro
duced to some ladles. "Time to le Intro
duced to ladles?" came the gallant retort,
"I would havo time for that If I were on
a cavalry charge." Another story, told
by the same corresondent, quotes the gen
eral's comment upon seeing the picture of
"Napoleon's Coronation" at Versailles,
where the emperor takes the rrown from
the pope after he has blessed It, and, first
placing it upon his own head then
places It upon Josephine's, saying:
"Josephine, I crown thee also." General
Gordon said: 'The greatest military genius
of the world, but he threw away the love
of a devoted woman, and bis evil genius
pursued him ever after."
The Judge and the Uw)rri.
The Judge had hid his putiec.es sorely
tried by lawyers who wished to talk and
by men who tried to evado Jury service.
Between hypothetical questions and ex
cludes it seemed as If they never would get
to the actual trial of the case. 80 when
the puzzled little German who had bjen
accepted by both sides jumped up, the
judge was exasperated.
"Shudge," cried the German.
"What Is it?" demanded the judge.
"I tlnk I like to go home to my vlfe,"
said the German.
"You can't," retorted the judge. "Sit
down."
"But, shudge," persisted the German, "I
don't tink I make a good shuror."
"You're the btst In the box," said the
judge. "Sit down."
"What box?" asked the G.rman,
"Tbe jury box," said the judge.
"Oh, I tought it vas a bud box that peo
ples gets in some-limes."
"No," said the judge; "the bad box is the
prisoner's box."
"But, shudge," persisted the little G.r
man, "I don't speak goot Engllah."
"You don't have to speak any at all," said
the Judge. "Sit down."
The little German pointed at the law
yers to make his last desperate plea.
"Shudge," ho said, "I can't make nod
ings out of what these fellere say."
It was the judge's chance to get even
for many annoyances.
"Neither can anyone else," he aaJd. "Sit
down."
With a righ the little German sat down.
Chicago Post.
Irving' Advice.
Henry Irving once preached quite a terse
sermon on appropriate dressing. A clever
young woman belonging to his company
appeared at rehearsal one morning dressed
in a lovely gown and a stunning hat.
Irving commented on the unusual splendor
of her get-up, whereupon the actress ex
plained that she was going to a swell
luncheon that afternoon and had saved
time by dressing In advance. "Then run
away to the luncheon first, my dear young
woman," said the star. "Just now your
mind, too, la dressed up for the lunch, on
and not for work. When you come to re
hearsal ' come looking the part." The
young woman, who la now a star, never
forgot the lesson which she learned that
morning.
Temptation Too Marta,
Bishop Duley of Kentucky, who has Just
died, and who hud many warm friends in
Boston, used to delight In a story of a
colored girl In his church. "Supposing,"
he asked her, "that you were walking
along the road and saw a low-hanging
branch, unci mi that low branch was a nice
fat chicken. What would you do?"
"Don't ask me ilat question, bo:s," she
begged.
"Oh, yes: tell me, what would you do?"
"Well, boss, you know 1's only Just an
infant In de kingdom."
Which ended the conversation. Boston
Record.
Ia Krror.
Phil Thompson was recently ntk 1 by
some friends to see a woman of ttio pirty
home from the Waldorf. Ho hnd somehow
failed to catch her name. He was there
fore uncertain as to whether rhe was a
wife, widow or bachelor maid. However,
reckless of consequences, he at length ven
tured upon this" remark:
"I see," said he, "from the way you
put on your own cloak and n't em; t to
catch step with me instead of allow! g mo
to catch step with you that you are a
bachelor maid and consequently Indepen
dent of the assistance of men."-
"On the contrary," the woman repl'el,
"you should at once recognise by the..-e
various signs and tokens that I am a mar
ried woman and one not long past the
honeymoon with a second husband at that."
New York Times.
Hauled Over the Con In.
At a Masonic banquet given in "Washing
ton last week Admiral Wlnfleld Scott
Schley was one of the guests of honor and
was called upon for a speech. In t ho
course of his remarks ho droped Into
reminiscences and told the veterans about
Admiral Farragut, "the sea king of tbo
sovereign west," with whom ho served as a
boy officer.
Admiral Schley, In tc-lling of the great
union admiral, said that once "the acci
dent of batllo" deprived the ship on which
he served of her commander, and the caro
of tho vessel fell Into his hands. "I was
but a boy," he said, "and the task fright
ened me. I was told to take the ship
and demolish a battery up stream. I
thought it was a big undertaking, but I
went at it. THiring 1ho engagement wo
observed a signal on the admiral's ship,
but we could not read It. I gave orders
to be told what it was If It could be read,
and continued battering down the fortifica
tions. We succeeded and dropped back.
I expecting to be patted on the shoulder
for the success. To my dismay I was
ordered aboard the flagship and repri
manded for disobeying orders the first time
a command was intrusted to me. Put
nfterward I was Invited into the cabin,
and once Inside the admiral said: "I
reprimanded you en the quarter dock, but
within tho cabin I want to say you did
Just right. Whenever you are able to
remain near an enemy and be successful
"go ahead, and d n the signals."
One on the I-awyer.
Representative Griggs of Georgia Is a
raconteur who doesn't mind telling a joke
on himself.
"When I was prosecuting attorney of
Bartlett county," said Mr. Griggs, "an
old fellow, not of much account, but a
great friend of mine, was indicted for lnr
ceny. He came to see me and protested,
but I told him I must do my duty to the
state.
"Well, the case came, to trial and Jim
had no counsel. The Judge looked at him
severely, over his spectacle, and said:
" 'Mr. Brown, you am charged with a
very grave offense. I think you bad best
secure an attorney.'
"Old Jim got up with a preternatural
gravity, and ndressed tho court and me.
" 'Your honor,' ho said, 'I lovo the cilil
stale of (Icorgy. On one of these old red
hills, I first sevn tho light of clay, and
when I die I hope to lay my tired old
bones clown right here. For no considera
tion would I take advantage) of the good
old state.'
"Hero he looked hard at me, the state's
attorney.
" 'So, your honor, until the stnto of
Oeorgy gets a lawyer, I don't expect to
hire, one," he added and he sat down.
"Needless to say we rewarded Brown's
patriotism with freedom. "Washington
Post.
A liocilntc
General Wood.
Here is a story of General Iconard Wood,
who has In en much In the news uf late.
Tho narrator, a Boston physician, says:
"I remember an Instance In direct proof
of what I mean when I say that his suc
cesses tiro mainly due to his magnificent
courage, his determination to do what bo
believes to be right, even In the face of
certain punishment. In 1MS4, then a recent
graduate from the Harvard Medical school,
he was an Interne at one of tho Boston
hospitals. An Interne, 1 may say In ex
planation, is required by rule to send for
the visiting surgeon In all cases requiring
Immediate operation, and la himself for
bidden to do the work.
"One day an Infant wus brought in suffer
ing from membranous croup. The ouse
was ho fur advanced that any delay would
almost certainly result in death fur tho
little one. Dr. Wood did not hesitate u
moment. He began to work at once, care
fully, fearlessly, promptly and successfully.
Five minutes later, uud while both mother
and patient were still in the room, the
surgeon, who should havo hud tho cuse, ac
cording to rule, walked in. Tho young doc
tor explained, but would not apologise, aa
ho wad asked to do. Ha had done right, and
he wus not going to tell any mini he was
sorry for it, he said. The result was that
he was Itrst suspended and then dismissed.
And I cull thut courage." New York
Times.
Hetalned Ills Old Customs.
General Gordon retained many ante
bellum customs on his home plantation In
Georgia. One of these was the "sunrise
review." Kvery morning ut sunrise, ex
cept in unpleasant weather of the two win
ter months. General Gordon had his old
horse brought to the door for his morning
ride. Ho sat In tho saddle as erectly as In
the old days.
Kvery hand In the field knew of the re
view, and before every cabin sat a little
group of negroes the men clean and smil
ing and ready to go to work, the women
Bprueed up, and every little child washed
until it shone, with Its woolly hair done
up In a dozen little knots.
"Morning, Glnlrul." said all the men, as
they ducked their heads.
"Morning, boss," said all the women, and
every little pickaninny clucked its head to
the ground and said "Morning, boss," aa
Well as it could speak.
General Gordon ulways replied to every
one by name, asked after the children,
how they were growing and what their
health was.
Such was the "sunrise review" on the
Gordon plantation. Kansas City Star,
41)