fOpyrlRht, 1903, by Allen V. Gillespie.) IFOR A MERK yearly plttanre, M I averaging less than 1100 apiece, iv,vw iui?ii are uaiij uanug prinoa walls for the sake of smuggling Imports past the customs officials c ' the United States. This array of smug Kl.rs. according to the prominent Wash irgton official who furnished the data. Is male up of sallormen, who are largely em ployed to bring the goods to porta; small boatmen, who meet the ships when In sight tf port and pick up the tarpaulin-covered cnsrs thrown overboard; "fences" In all the more Important ports of entry, and many a tobacco and liquor dealer both on tliis and the other side of the Atlantic, whoso lines of goods are those chiefly smuggled. i These men engage In smuggling pure and simple. They have nothing to do with getting undervalued goods through the cus tom houses. They match their will against thoie of the customs officials for every cent there is In the game, and they acorn anything less. But as exposed as are our thousands of miles of seaboard, the best that these smugglers can do, In numerical strength half as large as Uncle Sam's standing army of a few years ago. Is to beat the government out of considerably less than on -half of 1 per cent of the total amount of duties annually levied and collected. Small as this $1,000,000 seems when com pared with the $240,000,000 duties on $1,000, 000.000 worth of imports, that sum Is event ually diminished one-fourth by the un ceasing detective vigilance of the customs department,, so that If the net profits of smuggling some $760,000 in all were equally divided among the smugglers, not a mother's son of them would get so mueh as $100 for bis perilous work. The smuggler has to blame Uncle Sam's fine system of customs espionage, both here nnd - al road, for making his Illicit calling more hazardous the longer he sticks to it. . Indeed, so closely watched la the part of New York these days hitherto the fertile Held of the smuggler that even th. boldest customs evader thinks twice before attempting to do business there. As .a result much, of the smuggling trade ban been transferred within the last year to San Francisco, and that port bids fair to establish smuggling records that will admit of fair comparison with New York's. . - , Until recently , the smuggling In of Su matra tobacco from Holland was carried on almost wholly t New YorJj. Now, how ever, owing to numerous detections, arrests and convictions In that c.'ty, the smug glers of Sumatra are operating through San Francisco. This tobacco is shipped In what are called "hands." The leaves, each shaped much like the human hand, arc laid one upon the other and tied together at that portion of the leaf which corresponds to the wrists. In bunches weighing about two pounds or one kilo. This constitutes a "hand." ... .. The .Dutch saJlormen, who are employed to smuggle them, secrete the "hands" orrmwhere about-the ship, often iu bags beneath the contents of the coal bunkero, and when their vessel makes port they await their chance, wrap the "hands" around their bodies and then slip ashore and dispose of them to one of the many "fences" with whom they are acquainted. The "fence" Is generally a sallormen'a saloon keeper. The money be pays out for the smuggled goods he can usually count upon getting back over his bar. But some times the sftllcrmen grow tired of this sort of game and turn on the "fence," as . Instance the following case: A dozen sallormen of a certain ship brought over about $500 worth of Sumatra tobacco In the coal bunkers. This they wrapped around their bodies a little at a time for several nights and carried to a "fence." On the night that the last of the tobacco was sold to the "fence" abont $100 worth a group of sailors managed to secure the man's ear and hold his at tention in his barroom while their fellows sneaked upstains and discovered the to bacco stored la a dingy room over the HT I ' wltBe8- ,d the lawyer, I you Bay that your hearing is gooa . "Yes. sir." "How Eood? Give me an Il lustration. C'aa you hear my watch tick?" "No, sir. It's three days since I saw you going into the pawnebop, and the watch must have run down by this time." A story Is told of a lawyer whose quick wit never deserted him. whether in office or court. One day a client entered the office and. throwing back his coat, said, irritably: "Why, sir, your office is as hot as an oven." "Why shouldn't It bo?" was the calm re sponse. "It Is here that I make my bread." A journal entry by u clerk or court In the state of Washington was made as fol lows: "After bearing the argument by counsel and the evidence Introduced, and being somewhat mixed In his opinion, the court proceeded to um up tho case, remarking Smugglers Worry Uncle Sam saloon. They lost no time In climbing through the transom and robbing the pur. chaser. Then they took the tobacco to a rival "fence" and resold It there. This little story came to the knowledge of the customs detect 1 7es wnen, a short time after It happened, tbey arrested the "fence" from whom the tobacco was stolen, and the prisoner, as he related bis misfor tune, increased the merriment of his cap tors by his copious tears of grief over the loss of his money and tho Ingratitude of too Dutchmen. The rowboat men, who pick up 1 ho esses of goods thrown overboard In the lowe. harbors, sometimes dispose of their spoils to "fences," but moro often they laud them at out-of-the-way places and surreptitiously ship them to dealers In different parts of the country. In this way they aie moro certain of outwitting the detectives. The detectives, however, aro not easily put to rout. The case of a man who tried to dispose of fourteen boxes of cocaino aptly Illustrates their activity. The boxes about 4x2x1 inches In di mensionswere stolen while they were iu tho appraiser's stores In New York City. As soon as they were missed, the drug gists of the metropolis were warned not to receive any cocaine coming from any unusual source, and thus tho thief's chance to dispose of the drug in this way was blocked. Finding his eSorts to rt rid of the cocaine unavailing, the man decided to ship It to nio Janeiro, Brasil. and dispose of it there. Here again his plans were spoiled, for, a short time before the co caine arrived In port, the Brazilian market had been glutted with the drug and the fourteen boxes could not be sold at any price. It was, therefore, resblpped to this country and the customs officials, hoping to apprehend the real thief and not his cat spa ws, let the stuff be brought in at a southern port. Once more all attempts to f , ...-;--.A';...-.:-; ........ .- ,.; ml ):-V V.-r--. My & ? . v'.;;,iv'..-x, . ; V:::;;''.';..i-i.- t.i I'Mv-Kt'v y,t. f , v. ; ' r " Bright Bits of of angels on this earth aud particularly in Spokane, misunderstandings were liable to occur in any family. Court ran't consider as plea a partial failure to provide and support, complaint doea not state failure to provide as claimed in the trial. The pass ing of blows do not show a fixd disposition to be cruel. Court Is of opinion that the upon the frailties of human nature and as to the fact of the unaccountable absence parties can and should live together. Ap plication for divorce Is denied and the easo Is dismissed." A number of years ago suit, was brought against the cashier or the State bunk of Iowa Falls to recover ou allfg.l deposit, which deposit tho. bank denied, according to a story in the Green Dag. During tho trial at Eldora (ho derendanls attorney made a very convincing argument for his client and took pains to tell the Jury ot bis client's high social and religious tend ing and of the confidence of th people which he enjoyed and endeavored to im press - upon the minds of the Jury that the defendant ws not the kind of a man sell It were blocked by the vigilance of the detectives, whi had kept trace of all tho movements of the cocaine, and then the thief, despairing of ever realising on bis Ill-gotten gains In America shipped the drug to Tarls. whence it had first come, and sold It there. But he reaped no profits. Instead, hi expenses for fcightoge to Brai'I and Kurope made him an actual cash loss of $0 by tho transaction. Still In one way the thief outwitted his pursuers. While they became reason ably certain that they knew him, he. In turn, kept them from being cocksure, nnd s a result, the ofllcers were afraid to make an arrest, and a case was never ma.lo out against him. Tho customs detectives abroad are Yan kees, every one. Foreign detectives are not employed by the Treasury department for the simple reason that they cannot trusted. At o.ie time Uncle Sam had seme foreign sleuths in h's service, but they proved to be band In glove with crooked Importers and smugglers. When this was found cut the system was mads strictly Yankee In character. Ono of the clever games of the Anie:lcan detective abroad la to turn smuggler him self, with the connivance of bis superlnis, In trder to catch the crooks. Just at pres ent the government is working a some what similar trick at ports whero goods are being entered at gross undervalua tions. Contrary to popular opinion, scarcely any smuggling of Jewels is attempted by American houses. Foreign dealers usually engage In this work and trust to agents to dispose of the precious stones in tho bt way that they can. This is not al ways an easy task, for the morn reputable domestic firms demand a history of the jewels before agreeing to purchase them. ' FRANK STEWART OF TINQLEY, la., AND HIS TWELVE Life at the Bar to make a mistake In the handling of other people's money. T. H. Mllner, a witty as well m a very shrewd lawyer, represented th3 other side, and In address ing tho Jury said: "Orntleuten, I heartily concur in what my brother has said of the defendant. I agree with him in each and every state ment that he baa mads pertaining fo Mr. 'a good self, but I would have you consider ileply this one fact Cunada is full of just euch men." Some Interesting anecdotes and coas'p. new and old. of the law courts are uivoti in tbe English illustrated Magazine. The writer of the artkto, Mr. A. J. Hughes, was ence present In court wben a Juror, who opened the ball by saying, "This caac, my lord, reully lies in a nutb"ll." re ceived tho reply, "You crack it then." There have been tiinmt wlum clever wit nesses have goMen tho better of counsel in a skirmish or words... When I ha farrier was asked whera te got his knowlndge of the mure 'a oje from, he said: "From the marv's omn mother, sir." Irish lawyers Of lafe years the American lapidary has been more cautious than ever before, with the result that attempts to get In diamonds and other stoues duty free are becoming moro and more rare. It would seem that this field Is now limited to rich Americans who bring back necklace and other trink ets for tholr wives and daughters nnd. hating to pay heavy Importation tolls, are led to try to beat their government out of the money due It. The customs officials tell a good slory of a South American who. not knowing that uncut precious stones aro duty free, went to tho trouble of smuggling in a lot of them. Then he engaged a fellow coun tryman In New York to dispose of them, agreeing to pay him $10 for the tatk. Instead of playing fair with his employer, the agent at once hastened to the customs house and sought cut an official. "I can tell you of a man," he confided, "who hm smuggled In some emeralds and has emp'oyed mo to sill them. If you will give me $20 1 11 tell you who he Is and where you can arrcBt him." "Diamonds, eh?" queried the official; "cut cr uncut?" "Uncut." replied the Informer, "mabe a hundred of tbem." The cfllclat laughed. "My dear sir," ho si .id. "go back to your employer and tell htm that he has uso loasly smuggled In his emeralds, for when they are uncut, as In this case, the law lets them In duty free." But while attempts to smuggle In many other articles of merchandise have largely been given up, there Is no apparent cessa tion In the effort to get In tobacco and liquor. These are staples with the army of 10.000 smugglers, who. Osplte their strenuous scheming average considerably lens than a quarter of a dollar a day aplec for their trouble and labor. Js f-m" 'i -V"t ', ' . - sf..fi STRAFPINO SON3. aro generally endowed by Dams Nature with quick wits. Among them all, perhaps, Cut-ran held the palm for lightness .and vivacity. When someone told him that no student should be called to the bar who did not possess a landed estate of his own he retorted: "How many acres make a wlseucre?" But It was a Scotchman, ap propriately enough Lord Brougham, who, seeing his noises take fright, yelled to the coachman: "Drive into something cheap!" tt Congressman Moon of Tcnnesaeo was one a judge la that state. The state's attorney of his district was lax In attention to duty, but endeavored lo make it up In talk and impresslveuuas of manner. One day ths district attorney oroni to speak on a col lateral question. "Your honor," said he, "I should likn careful attention, for I am going to talk bard, common sense." Judge Moon turned to tho sheriff and said: "Mr. Sheriff, please preserve the strictest order so the bar aud tho spectators may hear everything tho district attorney says, for he proailbes to give us a most radical in-novation."