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About Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 14, 1902)
r i3 THE OMAHA DAILY BEEt SUNDAY, DECEMBER 14, 1902. Anecdotal Beminitoeaoei of tU Lift of ; - X v? Yj i -Vl"v??j f ' 5 SARCASM AND HUMOR CLEVERLY HANDLED if : ' 'i i i : t f III 5 i :i ' 1 , i K I H i. H 1 i Thr.Ka of HI Mental Rapier at Parties, Policies and Political Opponents Activities at am Intellectual Giant. The Ion and masterful career of tlia late Thomas B. Reed affords an abundance of anecdotes Illustrating hla activities In pub lic and private life and the forceful bril liancy of an Intellectual giant. Newspaper biographers do not agree In classing him as wit, but they are a unit In regarding him a. master wlelder of tho most effective of weapons sarcasm. The keenness of his mental rapier and his readiness In wielding j It Is shown In the following atones: When the house voted on the Teller reso lution Representative Hicks of Pennsyl vania was absent. The morning after, while Speaker Reed wae riding In a street rr toward tho caDltol. Mr. Hicks stepped aboard. "Hicks, come here," said the speaker, and the Pennsylvania congressman obeyed. "Hicks," drawled the speaker, In mhiikinr tone, as thouah he were a school master, "you didn't come to school last Monday afternoon. Have you brought an ATOI1MA from vour mother?" Mr. Hicks' re ply was lost in the laughter that followed the speaker's question. A Louisiana member at the beginning of one congress went to him and frankly said that he would like to be placed on tne com mittee on rlvera and harbors. Mr. Reed looked at him very gravely, and finally, In low but thrlllina- tone of voice, asKea: Knw much of a steal do you want?" The reply was evidently not satisfactory, for the member's name did not appear among tha namea on the committee. Representative William Astor Chanler met the ex-speakcr one flay in New xoru, r. m in him! "Mr. Reed. I have read and hpnrd a treat deal about trusts during this fight for the presidency, and I have seen various definitions of a trust. Now, I won id ilka to know from you lust what a trust is." "A trust," said Mr. Reed, "is easily defined. It is a body of very rich men entirely surrounded by water. Calm Amid the Tumult. "Old Howdy," as Mr. Martin, an uncouth and picturesque Texan, was called because of his usual mode of greeting his friends, declared with sulphurous language that he would never permit himself to be counted In one of Reed's quorums, and when an oc caslon came he arose in his wrath and in quired whether the speaker had violated that well-known determination. Mr. Reed Informed him that be had been Included with the rest, whereupon "Old Howdy" lost Ms temper entirely and started for the chair, swinging his long arms in a most violent manner and shouting the vengeance that he Intended to take when he reached his victim. Twenty stalwart republicans rushed toward the desk to protect Mr. Reed and quite as many horrified democrats prang Into the area to head off the ex cited Texan, fearing that in his fury hp would kill the speaker If he did not carve up that massive corpoelty with a bowlo knife. Although his coat tails were torn oft In the melee Martin managed to reach the desk and, shaking his fist within an Inch of the speaker's nose, shouted tho most offensive and insulting epithets. Reed did not appear to notice that any thing unusual was going on. The houso held its breath and all they heard was that familiar Yankee drawl: "The gentleman from Texas will be kind enough to take bis seat." "Old Howdy" was paralyzed. He could not conceive that any man would submit to the epithets that he had uttered with out drawing a knife or a revolver. Accord Ing to Texas etiquette he Culd not shoot or cut until his antagonist ha produced weapons. So he looked arounC In a be wildered, helpless, disappointed sort of a way and complained to the friends who were attempting to restrain him: "The blankety blank blank won't fight "The gentleman from Texas is out of order," drawled Reed again, "and will take his seat." On one occasion news came that the state of Colorado was likely to be repre sented In part In the house by a woman. An enterprising publisher saw In thla cir cumstance a topic for an article from Mr. Reed and duly Instructed his representative In Washington to see the gentleman from Maine and persuade htm to agree to write on the possibilities opened up by the en trance of a woman tn the lower house of congress. Mr. Reed was then recognized as a possible candidate for the presidency, and it was apprehended correctly by the publisher's representative that he would be roluctant to say anything about such a matter. However, the errand was duly performed, and Mr Reed, sitting ponder oualy In his seat on the republican side of the chamber, was asked to let the Amer loan pubilo know what he thought the house would be like with any considerable number of women representing constitu encies there. The big man turned gravely on his visitor, continued arranging many papers In his desk, seemed to be thinking Intensely on the proposal, and Anally asked It the visitor had a telegraph frank, To the affirmative reply the Maine ropre ontatlve saidi "Would you be kind enough to stud message tor me to your prin cipal t Df course, the answer was agreeable and the gentleman from the publishing house lack out his pencil to write from Mr, ttcc.4 dictation. ' I 'please say," catd Mr. Reed, Vjuat this: 'Excuse me,' and get the telegraph operator to send the last woid in capitals." That wts is near aa any one ever got Reed to delivering himself on woman's suffrage. ' A Bpoater Silenced. One of Mr. Reed's earliest encounters In the house was with Singleton of Mississippi, a redhot southern democrat. The bill under discussion was one to reduce the salary of the United Btates minister to Qreat Britain from 117.600 to $15,000 a year. Reed had urged that It was hardly possible, even If the figures stood, tor a poor man to take the position, "As to the Idea that upon the salaries here proposed poor men caunot afford to hold government positions," answered Bin gleton, "I will say that I can furnish from my own state men of the highest character who would be glad to take any ot these po altlons. "Mr. Chairman," replied Reed. "I ahould Judge, from the supply ot office seekers who have been crowding around our doorkeeper, that gentlemen on the other aide could supply enough to fill all the offices of the i country, at any price." "Yea." answered Singleton, excitedly "and I do not wonder at It, because the demoralization which has grown up under the republican party baa extended all over the land. The republican party, having con trol of the government, has Inculcated the Idea that these people have a right to Uve oft the country." "Mr. Chairman," drawled Reed, In his most Irritating way, "it is too bad to charge us with oorrupting the democratic party." Aal thereafter honorable members were ?..). ' .'J.'.Jt.M- "H.W' ' A- , . - . I y- J t.. i r" ' s . . i .... . . .u....4W w ... ... i '-'n! -; uti ' f J . . :.', I. i,? - - "-.'V , , "A is ff t xl !r y . - -Vj h:: . v "..: " . ' ' I v u ? i- x$) h , . L ; Sn m : m r i jr i : . :CV , v?j -; , ;7. tV , . : v:y t. : ' il; i ihi'jh U - f. 4 ' .v it lit i''-4 " T ' i s f 1 ' - i f ' f f ll - ?,J i x r til 1 r W '' V ' c il'--' - i V r-f-J.' "kJiil". . . I t J j J M. . il ' JW' rf' T 1 '. ' A, ' j ( ST f iSt 1 .'F. ' Si IB 'J ,:o3't ,..'V Jr' fl Vl ' 1 H .:. ft , ' ' . ' .' J : ' . t ' " -..i.j. ... I . ' '1 -jjjss.; W iSS. I i I 1 rr j 'rMMlkkr A" sJS. r IS SWSW aiJ4tttat UI-.S r.VC 1 -- ;,:..: ,.,., I - V 7 f- 7:7 , 41 ,4- a"7j, a.: , . f ''-i " . ' 'A7 ? v '.:. , 1 x a .;, ... r ''A V . AA 4 y-y 1 4 as , - v ' 1 j ' . , ry '''" v. . ssaliLbUdMaal r v What's the use of fighting northern blizzards, bursting pipes and hard coal bills when you can go to Sunny California for less money? Winter tourist rates to California, via. the Burlington Route, make the trip to the land of fruit and flowers. very inexpensive. L No change of cars from Burlington Station. Omaha, to San Francisco, Santa Barbara or Los Angeles. TI)8S8 Tliro' Thro' etandarrt sleeper for San Francieco, 4;25 p. m.' daily. Thro' tourist sleeper for Sau Francisco, Santa Barbara, Loa Angeles, 4:25 p. m. Thursdays Cars and Saturdays, via. Denver and Salt Lake City, past the grand panorama of the Rookie. LBaVB the Thro' tourist sleeper to Los Angeles, Santa Barbara and San Francisco, 9:45 a. m. Fridays, via. El Paso and the most southerly route across the conti- Blirlinfton nent also the route of lowest altitudes. , Station Thro' tourist Bleeper to Lo Angeles 10:30 p. m. Saturdays, via. the Santa Fe and past the Grand Canon of the Colorado. Omaha.' A double berth, Omaha to San Francisco or Los Angeles, in a tourist sleeper costs $5; in a standard sleeper, f 11.50. If you are interested, drop me a postal card, and I'll mail you our booklet, "California Tours, 1902-03," free. TICKETS, 1502 FfiBHflH ST. J- FRANCIS, General Passenger Agent, Omaha. Lv I. n i i ii i iiiiiunnjiym wi uiui,iiiii!iinj. 1 . ....nil iimi inyuwuil ...mmm ' . ' .-. , .mi n , hmti n hi -TTOTCTT7iM-' - t I ' . I .... . . - . . , . . . 1. I careful how they atlrrsd up ths big man from Maine. A Bit of Prophecy. On ot Mr. Reed's Tlalts to Washington was made Juit after the withdrawal ot his successor, Speaker Henderson, from the eoncresslonal race In Iowa. A newspaper correspondent espied Mr. Reed standing on the opposite aide ot the atreet, contem plating the aky. The correspondent knew that It would be a difficult matter to Induce Mr. Reed to talk about his successor, so Instead ot aocostlng the ex-speaker at once he walked up and down the block tor five minutes, framing an appeal which should touch the Maine man's heart. Having com posed an artful, skillful address, be crossed the street to where Mr. Reed waa still standing. It was his Intention to prevent Mr. Reed from Interrupting by pouring out hla entire argument, explaining the reasons why It was a patriotic duty for Mr. Reed to talk, before the Utter could get In word. He carried out hla scheme successfully. It took three minutes to deliver the ad dress, and Mr. Reed did not get a chance to Interrupt. It waa such a convincing argument that the correspondent did not toe bow Mr. Reed could refuse to talk. Mr. Reed seemed moved. Instead of ab ruptly refusing to talk, as had at first been his evident Intention, he looked up at the sky and began to think. The corre spondent knew enough not to disturb the current of Mr. Reed's thoughts. For three or four minutes the ex-epeaker gazed at the sky with a meditative air. At last ho slowly brought his gate back to earth, cleared his throat and spoke: "That cloud," said ho, "indicates that we are going to have rain." Brilliant Flaebea. "One evening a newspaper correspondent sent hi card in to Mr. Reed, who was seated In a dark corner of a Washington restaurant. Reed came out and the correspondent said: "Pardon me, Mr. Reed, I mistook you tor Mr. Cleveland." "For heaven's sake," answered Reed, "never let Cleveland know that. Ha's too vain of hU beauty now." One Reed went out to Jerry Simpson's district in Kansas to make a speech against that redoubtable statesman. "For the last four years," began Mr. Reed, "this district has been represented In congress by chaos." Once an obscure member from West Ylr glnla interrupted Reed In the midst of a speech with some foolish query. "YeBterday," said Reed In reply, "I had a discussion with Mr. Wilson, the head of the West Virginia delegation, and today, however unpleasant It may be, I suppose I shall be compelled to have a discussion with the tall of the West Virginia dele gation." In replying to an attack made upon him by John De Witt Warner of New York Mr. Reed said: "I cannot hope to equal the volume ot voice of the gentleman from New York. That la equaled only by the volume of those things which he does not know." "During Harrison's administration," said Reed. "I had only two enemies in the state of Maine. One of them the president ap pointed collector of Portland and the other he pardoned from the penitentiary." In declining an offer of $1,000 for an arti cle on the policy ot expansion from a prom inent magazine Reed wrote: "i feel too deeply on the subject to take money for ex pressing any opinions about it." "1 Told Voo No." Once Reed was called upon to address a meeting at Blddeford, at which a large number of democrats were present. "If a photographic snapshot could be taken of the democracy," began Reed, "at any time and at any place, it wouia reveai them In the act of doing aome mean, low lived, contemptible thing." A storm ot indignant hisses rose from the democratic benches. , "There," said Reed blandly, "I told you so." Joseph H. Choate, before bis appointment as ambassador to Oreat Britain, "Tom" Reed and another were talking one evening In the lobby of a New York hotel. The con versation bad taken a aerlous turn. "I believe," said Mr. Choate, "that, aa the world goes, I can claim to have led a rea sonably clean and decent life. I don't swear; I haven't got any skeletons in my closet; though I have attended many ban quets I have never taken more wine than was good for me. On the whole, I suppose I average pretty well." "Ah," said the third and unnamed party to the conversation, "I wish I could ssy that." "Well," said Reed, with a sly twinkle In his eyes, "why don't you say it? Choata did." Mr. Reed was a very large man, tall, broad and heavy, wdghlng nearly 300 pounds. One day while he was walking toward the cayltol he was joined by a well known toady, who after a few steps aaked cheerfully: "Mr. Reed, how much do you weigh?" One hundred and ninety pounds," was the prompt answer. "Oh!" said the tuft-bunter apologetically, "I think you must be mistaken. I am a much smaller man than you and I weigh over 200 pounds." "No gentleman weighs more than 200 pounds." remarked the spesker scornfully. It was Reed, too, when asked to write a toast to the deraocratlo party, replied at once: "The democratic party. Here's to Its prophet and Us ballot boxea both stuffed!" UrlrndluK Ills Native Stale. At a dinner In New York some one Jok ingly commented on prohibition in Maine. Mr. Reed, whose turn came later, defended his old borne against the "mistaken view of the result of prohibition there." He said It had resulted In Maine men losing all taste for liquor. This was met with bowls of derision end sarcastic Isugbter, but Mr. Reed never cracked a smile. He said the popular mistake was due to the fact that whenever a New Yorker went to Maine the hospltsble people of that state broke the rule and gave him drink only to save bis lite. Mr. Reed's last visit to Washington, which , terminated in so sorrowful a way, was made just after the army and navy foot ball . game, which be attended. As he came through tbo gate to take the train from tha '. foot ball game to Washington, he found himself Jostling Representative Charles B. Landls of Indiana, whom he knew well. They shook hands and boarded the train together, going into the emoklng car. When they settled themselves in the seats and pulled out tbelr cigars, Mr. Landls said: "I thought when you bumped into ma ' that you were as big as ever, but you have fallen off. I think you weigh tulrty pounds less than you used to." "Well," replied Mr. Reed, glancing down at his big frame with a touch ot pride, "may be I have, but it has not leuaened the matchless symmetry of my form." Hla Karnlngi. Philadelphia Press: Clark See bore! You told me if I took a course of Instruc tion from you It wouldn't be lona before I'd be earning $100 a weelu Prof. Skiuner Well? Clark Well, I'm only getting $10 a week. Prof. Bklnner Uut, honestly, now. don't you feel tht you're earning $100. Every clerks feels he earns ten tlmea as much aa he gets. y t ! f - i r t 3
