Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, November 08, 1902, Page 6, Image 6

Below is the OCR text representation for this newspapers page. It is also available as plain text as well as XML.

    IlIK OMAHA DAILY JIEE: SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 8, 1002.
'niE uniaiia Daily Bee
K. ROSEWATER, EDITOR.
PUBLISHED EVEBY MORNING.
TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION.
J.ially fte (without Sunday), One Yar.l 4 .
Z'ally Hee and Sunday, One Year .'
Illustrated Bee, una Tear
ftunday Hee, One Year I-W
Saturday Bee, tine Year l-W
twentieth Century Farmer, One Year.. 100
DELIVERED BY CARRIER,
tiallv Bee (without Sunday), per ropy... 2c
lally Wee (without Sunday, per week. ..12c
laily Bee (Including Sunday), per week. 17c
Hunrlay Hee, percnpy 6c
Kvenlng Hee (without Sunday), per week Sc
Evening Hee (Including Sunday), per
week Wc
Complaints of Irregularities In delivery
should te addressed to City Circulation De
partment. OFFICES.
Omaha The Bee Building.
South Omaha Citv Hall Building, Twenty-fifth
and M Streets.
Council Bluff 10 Pearl Street.
Chicago lwo Unity Building.
New York ZXX I'ark Row Building.
Washington 6ol Fourteenth Street.
CORRESPONDENCE.
Cnmmuiilcatlnna relating to news and edi
torial matter should bo addressed: Omaha
!Bee, Editorial Department.
BUSINESS LETTERS.
Business letters and remittances should
,'be addressed: The Bee Publishing- Com
ipany, Omaha.
REMITTANCES.
Remit bv draft, express or postal order,
payable to The. Hee Publishing Company.
' onlv 2-ernt etampa accepted In payment of
mall accounts, personal checks, except on
Omaha or eastern exchange, not accepted.
THE BEE PUBLISHING COMPANY.
STATEMENT OF CIRCULATION.
State of Nebraska, Douglas County, ss:
tjeorge B. Tzschuck, secretary of The
J e Publishing Company, being duly sworn,
eavs that the actual number of full and
f rnplete copies of Tha Daily. Morning,
Evening and Sunday He printed during
tho month of October, W.' was as iouwe;
1 30,700
2 30,3O
s 3i, im
4 .'IO.OTO
6 20.3BO
B Sl.iiOO
7 .to.nto
t 31,070
81,000
10 31,164)
u aii.ooo
12 20,020
18 31.3.TO
14 81,230
15 31.H40
18 83.700
17 31,SitO
18 31.30
19 30,400
20 32.240
21 32,330
22 81.R70
23 81,740
24 82,100
25 31,144)
26 20,230
27 81,070
28 81,000
29 31.030
30 32,300
21 31,330
Total OOtf.UIR
Lest unsold and returned copies f),87l
Net total sales 980,743
Net average sales ao,9S9
GEORGB B. TZSCHUCK.
Subscribed In my presence and sworn to
before mo this 31st day of October, A. IX
JM3. M. B. HUNGATE.
(Seal.) Notary Public.
Tha first cold wavo of the soasou Is
announced by the weather bureau. Get
DUt your winter overcoat.
President Roosevelt in loaded for boar,
and bruin might as well got out of bin
way If he wants to keep his fur Intact.
Nobody knowa what Tom Johnson will
do with his circus tent, but it is dead
mire he will not need it as a presidential
candidate in 1904.
Although slightly disfigured, the vice
chairman of the democratic stato com
mittee proclaims that he and his party
are still In the ring.
. Xo wonder Governor Savage takes
i Mercer's defeat no to heart. Mercer may
want for himself that federal appolnt
I liient he promised to the governor.
Our late lamented, on his way to
j Washington, by way of Minneapolis, has
charged up his fall by the wayside to
those "bats in the belfry."
Wlille David B. Hill Is beaten iu New
York it still looks as it the democratic
party would have to consult with him be
loro taking any Important steps.
The Nebraska Woman's Suffrage asso
ciation will celebrate Its twenty-second
anniversary early next, month. At the
age of 22 it should be ripe for marriage
to a man.
Having inspected the Chicago stock
yards, the crown prince of Slam ought
to be prepared to advise? bis rojal father
to insist on having none but American
dressed meats on, the royal table.
The retail lumber dealers' combine has
been smashed by the decision of the
state supreme court, but the wholesale
lumber dealers bave a commutilty-of-ln-terest
nudci-standing that will hot be
seriously disturbed by the decision.
Tho anthracite arbitrators are having
to lough a time stiueeciug themselves
through narrow holes In the ground and
crawling on an fours around deep shafts
and galleries that they could hardly be
blamed If they should go on a strike.
llrforc the newspaper yarus and
stories to the effect that Speaker Hen
derson is au aspirant for next year's
republican nomination for governor of
Iowa are accepted, it might be well to
wait aud bear from Mr. Hendersou him
self. Slgnor Mascagnl has discovered that
the American gold mine has been tapped
loo ofteu already by European musical
prodigies to yield good returns on pros
pecting In merely conducting grand
operas. Then, too, he is no longer young
nor unmarried.
The recent enormous Increase of the
earnings and of the value of the Ne
braska railroad properties every day ac
centuates the flagrant disparity of their
assessment with reference to that of
other klnda of property and raises a
practical Issue that must be met
The Treasury department has discou
lined accepting municipal and state se
curities for government deposits. This
la a parallel to the case of the frightened
bank depositor who after vehemently
demanding his savings exclaimed, "Can
I really get my money? Well, then, I
don't want It."
Now that South Omaha has voted a
franchise to the Interstate Independent
Telephone company, negotiations for
wallowing that Infant talkie-talkie may
be looked for by the omnlverous tele
phone octopus, which never loses a
chance to gulp down competitive Infants
before they nave cut their eye teeth.
a rRorusiTioz ron railroads.
The railroad corporations In Nebraska
could take no wiser course than to con
sent to a rational and equitable basis for
the taxation of tLelr properties. It must
be apparent to those who control their
affairs that they cannot hope long to
maintain the present status, so unjust
to the groat body of the taxpayers of
the stste. The utmost within the bounds
of possibility for them to accomplish
would Ik to postpone for a very llttio
time the payment of the Just share of
the tax burden which they bave so long
succeeded in escaping.
The Bee puts this proposition to the
railroad corporations on the ground of
their own Interest For them at this
Juncture to precipitate a desperate strug
gle to Wat the tax roll, to malutoin an
army of lobbyists, agents and attorneys,
to plunge into litigation and nn elaborate
system of manipulation of the state gov
ernment, will be enormously expensive
to the railroads themselves. Tho cost of
such a campaign would go far toward
paying the proportion of taxes which is
fairly due,, and which in spite of any
thing the roads, can do will . ultimately
have to be paid anyhow.
Resistance on the part of the com
panies will certaluly exasperate the peo
ple. The facts demonstrating the tax
discriminations against them are too
glaring and patent to be longer con
cealed or glossed over or obscured by
false issues, no matter how cunningly
trumped up or to be explained away.
It Is utterly Impossible to break down
the force of the truth. To attempt to
seduce and manipulate the government
under these conditions would require
means so gross and obnoxious that popu
lar agitation would spread like wildfire.
It would be moonstruck madness for the
railroad corporations of Nebraska now
to provoke such a situation.
The railroads can richly affordjto pay
the same ratio of taxes that other prop
erty pays. They receive a lavish share
of tho benefit of the government In
police protection and in other ways no
other property in the state so large a
share. But they cannot so well afford to
have the people of Nebraska lay a rough
bund on the rate-tuaklug power, as has
been done under far less provocation in
Iowa, Texas and some other states.
It Is easier to excite than to regulate
a popular agitation, and the carrier cor
porations should beware how they ex
asperate the people of Nebraska Into
a movement which, once under way, will
not stop merely with a reform of assess
ment, but will inevitably go the full
length of overhauling transportation
rates a most serious fact for the com
panies if they will stop to think of it
The people would be only too glad to
meet the railroad corporations more
than half way for a reasonable accom
modation. Such an adjustment, while
relieving the roads of the vast expense
Involved in continuous political manipu
lations, would secure permanent comfort
to both parties and go far to elevate the
plane of Nebraska politics.
IOWA D&MOCRACT.
In some respects the chief Importance
of the late election consists in its rela
tion to the Interior politics of tin? demo
cratic party with reference to 1904, aDd
Colonel Bryan of Nebraska will find
abundant food for reflection In the re
sult In the adjacent state of Iowa, a
state which is essential to the Bryan
wing of the democracy. In 1890 and
gain in 1900 the Iowa delegation occu
pied a commanding position In the demo
cratic national convention. From top
to bottom of the party organization the
conservative element either abdicated or
was ousted from authority, and Colonel
Bryan's will was party law.
This Is now all suddenly reversed.
The result of the election Is to leave the
party machinery In the control of the
democratic opponents of Mr. Bryan. At
the outset he distinctly lost In the state
convention the battle fur reaffirmation
of the Kansas City platform, though by
a small margin. But the conservatives
Instantly followed up their advantage
by nominating gold democrats lu nearly
all the congressional districts and or
ganising iu harmony with the candi
dates all the committees and other cam
paigu agencies. Both sides are looking
forward to and are already prcparlug
for the crucial struggle for mastery of
the party In the next national conven
tion. Mr. Bryan's leadership Is at
stake. He has obviously committed a
grave and not unlikely a fatal tactical
error in permitting his antagoulsts at
this time to get possession of party ma
chinery in the great state of Iowa. If
its delegation In 1904 shall Hue up with
the anti-Bryan forces It seems impossi
ble that they should win.
Vet bad Mr. Bryan bestirred himself
In May and June when the contest was
belug fought out it is not unlikely that
he could have turned the scale in Iowa.
He did nothing of the kind, he permitted
things to drift, aud his followers, so long
In complete control in that state, now
find themselves as In the enemy's coun
try.' THC COAL STHIKK COMMtSSiOX.
It Is tho evident purpose of the anthra
cite strike commission to spare no ef
fort to get at the bottom facts of the
case and to give both parties to the
memorable contest the fullest opportun
ity to present their views as to condi
tions and what may or should be done.
The earnest Interest and seal which the
members of the commission bave thus
far shown In the matter merits the
warmest commendation. They bave gone
Into the mines aud Investigated care
fully and thoroughly the character of
the labor performed there. They have
made themselves acquainted by personal
Inspection and observation with the toil
performed in mining coat far below the
surface of the earth and the hardships
and danger Incident thereto. It Is an
exceptional duty, one certaluly not ex
pected, that the commission imposed
upon Itself la this reepect. and it very
forcibly Indicates the determination to
neglect no source of Information, so that
when the decision shall have been given
there can be no reasonable or Just com
plaint on either side tliAt the facts and
conditions have not been fully Inquired
Into.
There has been submitted to the com
mission a statement of the demands of
the mine workers and the reasons for
them. These are the same that were
presented to the operators nd on which
the strike was based. They ask for In
crease of wages, a reduction In hours of
labor and changes In several respects
from existing methods. Ifcey also ask
for recognition of the oiganlzatlon of
mine workers. It is exported that the
answer of the operators to the state
ment of the miners will be received by
the commission before Its. meeting next
week, when the taking of testimony will
begin. How long this will continue It Is
impossible to say with any degree of
certainty, but doubtless the hearing of
testimony will consume at least a month
and very likely a longer time. The com
mission will probably place no arbitrary
limit upon this, but as long as there is
anything relevant and material to bo
submitted will hear It Equal oppor
tunity, It la assured, will be given to
both sides, so that neither shall have
reason to complain that It did not re
ceive fair and impartial treatment
The high character of the commission.
Its unquestionable ability, IU manifest
sense of the great responsibility resting
upon it and the course it has thus far
pursued, Justify the belief that the de
cision It shall reach will be such as to
command public confidence and be re
ceived without demur by all concerned
In the controversy. What Is hoped for
as the result of the commission's work
Is not only a satisfactory settlement of
the present Issues between the miners
and operators, but also that Its findings
will tend to prevent future controver
sies of this nature, and there Is reason
to think that this will be realized.
MCRCKXARY ADV1CK.
A newspaper published for revenue
only by nonresident owners, who are
democrats in Kansas City, Independents
in Des Moines a nil St. Paul and half
breed republican in Omaha, has served
notice upon the republican party of
Oninlia and Douglas county that It must
keep up Its factional fight regardless of
consequences. This advice is not en
tirely disinterested. If the republicans
of Omaha and Douglas county should
harmonize their differences and agree to
drop personal politics, the newspaper
hybrid would soon be without an Issue,
Its political advertising space at so much
per line would not be marketable at any
price and its patent political blood puri
fiers and purgatives would cease to find
gullible purchasers.
The election returns have completely
exploded the assertion that the opposi
tion to Mr. Mercer came only from the
vicious and criminal elements and their
beneficiaries. They show that Mercer
was beaten in the wards inhabited by
the most substantial and respectable
class of citizens, who usually have the
courage of their convictions and may be
depended on to support good govern
ment, national, state and local, whenever
that Issue is really involved.
In tho Fourth and Sixth wards, which
are ordinarily good for 1,000 republican
majority, Mercer received only 300 ma
jority. The lilghtu ward, which Is republican
by 200, was carried by Hitchcock by 62
majority.
The Fifth ward, which Is 150 repub
lican, went against Mercer by 150.
In the eminently respectable Ninth
ward, in which the registration showed
500 republican majority, Mercer got only
100 majority.
The Seventh ward, which he claimed
as bis home, and which has no saloon
element to speak of, was carried for
Mercer only by trading off Mickey, so
that although its republican majority
should have been over 300. it gave a
small majority for Thompson, the demo
cratic candidate for governor.
In the face of these facts the appeal
of the hybrid nonreslden sheet for the
continuance of the factional strife on the
plea that the bad elements which caused
the defeat of Mercer must be exter
minated will scarcely strike a responsive
chord with sensible republicans who
want to have the party united Instead
of divided.
Third Vice President Bird of the Mil
waukee road Is a bird, in slang parlance.
He declared before the Interstate Com
merce commission that live stock rates,
and, for that matter, all other freight
rates, are unreasonable today because
they are entirely too low to compensate
for the service rendered. Inasmuch as
every school boy knows that railroads
do not look to their passenger traffic for
dividends, the Milwaukee Bird must
surely know that the granger roads and
all the big trunk lines west of the Mis
sissippi would be in the bands of re
ceivers If it were not for the reasonable,
If not excessive, freight rates. Possibly
Mr. Bird had in view the beef packers'
rebates and drawbacks allowed to other
favored shlpiers when he expressed the
conviction that freight rates were alto
gether too low today to be considered
reasonable.
Fusion statisticians have figured it out
that the defeat of Thompson, Stark,
Robinson, Shallenberger and the rest
must be charged up to the stay-at-homes
rather than to popular satisfaction with
republican prosperity. There is, how
ever, a suspicion abroad that the ma
jority of the stay-at-homes might have
voted the republican ticket If they had
ventured to leave their corn bins and
cattle pens.
The right of a new Chicago-Omaha
railroad to use the Unjon Pacific termi
nals for an entrance into Omaha Is to he
the subject of litigation in the federal
court. Before the Judge it will be made
to appear by the Union Pacific that
these terminals are of Incalculable value
and to be shared with other roads only
at the pleasure of the company. Before
the tax assessment boards, however, the
Union Pacific will continue to argue that
the terminals In Omaha are worth no
more than any other part of the road
of corresponding mileage aud should be
taxed only on a mileage basis.
If the members-elect to the school
board are ambitious to Improve the
public schools of Omaha they have a
fine opportunity to make enviable rec
ords for themselves. They will have to
go about It In a way, however, different
from that pursued by the controlling
majority of the board during the past
few years.
A Prussian bank has discovered that
Its trusted cashier has made away with
$57,000 of the institution's money and
securities. Unfortunately the cable ad
vices fall to state whether the embez
zling officer had first visited lu the
United States to see how It Is done In
this country by experts.
Way ShoalA THey Butt lar
WaeWruston Post.
So far no organization of surgeons has
been so magnanimous as to condemn the
gams of foot ball as It Is played In this
country.
Lettlac la Ike Light.
New fork Mail and Express.
It needed no supreme court decision to
tell us that silver dollars' are a fall legal
tender, but a skeptical Michigan man seems
to bave required a revelation from that
quarter to satisfy him.
Aa lair Job Flalsltea.
Chicago Post.
The strike commission has ended its ex
amination of the premises and will now
straighten its aching back, take a deep
breath of fresh air and settle back in Us
leather-cushioned chair to discuss the mat
ter in physical comfort
Tax tbe Barplaa Water.
Indianapolis Sentinel.
If trusts will persist in overcapitalization,
let taxes be assessed on the property at tha
valuation placed upon it by the trust. If
the property of a trust Is worth $1,000,000
for bonding and stocking it ought to be
worth 11,000,000 for the purrose of taxa
tion. So laieemly Haste.
Baltimore American.
The tuotorman and conductor of the trol
ley car In Plttsfleld which ran into the
president's carriage and killed his guard
have been held for the grand Jury on a
charge of manslaughter. No one can ac
cuse the authorities of the town of undue
haste In the matter, whatever other charges
may be made against them.
Freqaent Electloaa a Good Thing;.
Hartford Courant.
In addition to the necessity for political
education which these frequent elections In
America impose, they also avert all Incen
tive to physical revolutions by keeping a
direct and close political correspondence
between the people and their representa
tives In the national and the state capitals
and by giving the dominant sentiment a
thance at all times to express itself in the
statutes. V.'"f
The Maa janlth ji Hobfcr.
New JTork Times.
There Is a disposition to decry hobby
riding as aa occupation unworthy of a man
with a full Intellectual ' equipment. The
man of one idea may be a bore at times
and Is commonly so voted by people with
no Ideas and no paramount issues, but,
after all, he Is the man who accomplishes
most, and without his insistent purpose
and continuous Industry In the particular
propaganda to which he devotes himself
many of the Influences which make for
progress and from which the human race
derives an Immeasurable aggregate benefit
wolud cease to be operative.
Vices that Kill.
Boston Transcript.
The Alaska native tribes are rapidly dy
ing from the effect of the diseases and vices
of civilization. Officers of ships recently
arrived at San Francisco report that about
25 per cent of the coast Indians have died
from measles. As one sea captain re
marked: "When the natives began to wear
civilized man's clothing and drink white
man's whisky, then began their decline."
The effects of new diseases upon any race
Is always very fatal, but the effects of
vice are much more so, for disregard of the
laws of nature Is responsible for much of
tbe severity of contagious diseases. This
lesson has not yet been well learned by
white men, however, and It is not strange
that the Alaska Indian disregards It.
LOCALIZATION OF IM11STRIES. .
One of the Faaclaatlaa Featarea of
the feniaa Bulletins.
Saturday Evening Post.
One of the most fascinating numbers of
the delightful series of novelettes Issued by
Director Merriam under tbe general title
of Census Bulletins baa just appeared. It
Is called "Tthe Localization of Industries,"
and It deals with the tendency of particular
occupations to gather in particular neigh
borhoods. It shows, for Instance, how over
85 per cent of all the collars and cuffs
turned out In tbe United States are made
In Troy, how over ti per cent of tbe canned
oysters are Imprisoned in Baltimore, and
how over 54 per cent of all American gloves
are created In the adjoining cities of Glov
rsville and Johnstown, N. Y.
But all this, while Interesting. Is not the
most intereating part of the story. That Is
found In the figures revealing the state of
society in the towns themselves. Pause
tor a moment and reflect upon the mean
ing of this pne tact: Nine-tenths of all
tbe wage-earners In South Omaha. Neb.,
are engaged la slaughtering animals and
packing meat. Imagine existence In such
a town as Balzac or Zola or Tolstoi would
have described It. Thirty thousand souls
with but a single thought all your neigh
bors, like yourself, working all day In
blood, hides and tallow, talking about them
all the evening, and dreaming about them
all night. It you don't cut tbe throats of
steers In South Omaha you make sausages.
The literary and artlstlo circles of tbe
town are represented by the poets who
compose verses about beef extract and the
artists who design labels for lard cans.
If you find the atmosphere of dead ani
mals cloying you can obtain contrast by
leaping from South Omaha to North Attle
boro, Mass. Seventy-two workers out of
every 100 In North Attleboro are making
Jewelry, and of course there Is no chance
tor the twenty-eight to think or talk of
anything else.
Fancy that for a gilded existence. Life
In North Attleboro must be even more re
fined than In Gloversvllle, where three
quarters of the working population are
making gloves, and certainly far more so
than In Troy, where nearly aeven-tenths of
the wage workers are turning out collars
and cuffs, or in Bethel, Conn., where all
but fourteen out of 100 are producing fur
bits.
The evident ttadency It tQfra Us 41
The laggard morning appetite is stimulated by the delicious
odor of the well made Price Baking Powder biscuit that comes
up with the sound of the breakfast belL
Price's Baking Powder makes the hot biscuit, roll and
muffin more attractive and tasteful, whereby the appetite which
otherwise would go unfed is often tempted to a wholesome
and enjoyable breakfast.
PRICE BAKING POWDER, CHICAGO, TJ. S. A.
vision of the country Into cells, each in
habited almost exclusively by the people
engaged In a single Industry. Such a state
of things, long continued, must develop
one-sided, distorted types of life unless
forces strong enough to counteract it can
be set In motion. From this point of view
schools, libraries, newspapers, periodicals
and all other broadening Influences take on
a new Importance. Even politics can play
a useful part here.
AMOXG THE FALI.RV
Philadelphia Press: Probably this will
break Mr. Paulson of tbe habit of running
for governor in this state.
Washington Post: At any rate. Hod
Boies has demonstrated again that be is a
finish lighter and not a quitter.
Chicago Inter Ocean: David Bennett Hill
as a presidential possibility also went down
with the crowd on tbe temporary grand
stand.
Atlanta Constitution: At the same time
the country need not add to Its other elec
tion sorrows the dread that Tom Johnson
will not continue to do Improved turns on
the flying trapeze.
Kansas City Journal: Grover conde
scended to make only one speech in tbe late
campaign, and the candidate for congress
in whose Interest it waa delivered was
snowed under. So much for "tariff re
form." Chicago Poat: Think of David Bennett
Hill's arising from political desuetude and
starting again on the long, long road to
Washington. What persistence! He would
certainly arrive It be could only live long
enough.
Chicago News: Chairman Griggs of the
democratic congressional committee doubt
less will give up in a day or two, but he
should be allowed to get all the amusement
he can out of believing that the new house
will have a democratic majority.
Minneapolis Times: It Is our unpleasant
duty to announce that Swager Shirley, who
ran for congress la Kentucky, is defeated,
but there Is some comfort in tbe fact that
South Trimble pulled through all right, and
Dan Linn Gooch waa aa easy winner.
Chicago Chronicle: Mr. Johnson borrowed
a silver trumpet from Nebraska. His can
didate for secretary of state, Blgelow, was
not a democrat at all. He waa a populist
of the wild-eyed variety, with a brain full
of visionary popullstlc projects of one kind
and another. The favored candidate of tbe
eccentrle mayor of Cleveland was snowed
under by a plurality of 100.000 or such a
matter. This result Is a condemnation of
Teat Jeaasea aad what as stasis for.
POLITICAL OniFT.
After all, the silent vote caused a thund
erous sound the night after.
Weather prophets bave eleven mouths' In
which to catch up to the political prophets.
Pennsylvania supplies an answer to the
famous question, "Who struck Robert Pat
tlaon?" Horace Boies Is 75 years of age and Is
vigorous enough to load a few more forlorn
hopes.
In Beveral notable instances General
Apathy came up to the scratch in flue
shape.
For the first time in a generation a re
publican governor has been re-elected in
New York.
Mr. Cole came so near tarrying New
York that his sdmlrers think he was rightly
christened Bird.
There is no adequate reason given for the
Wolfert's rooster's crowing. Perhaps tho
early returns from Manhattan deceived the
old bird.
Mayor Rose of Milwaukee will not bloom
In the governor's mansion for some years
to come. A majority of SO, 000 votes invited
Milwaukee to keep Its posies at home.
The re-election of Governor Van Sant of
Minnesota breaka the plurality record in
that state. Tbe vote Is a significant en
dorsement of the governor's fight against
the railroad merger.
A Kansas political manager Is of the
opinion that the rural mail delivery system
with Its daily newspaper Is largely respon
sible for the political apathy in that state.
He points out that the political rally has
heretofore given the farmer an opportunity
to drive to town and meet his neighbors; it
has been one of the remedies for tbe loneli
ness of farm life, but the datly newspaper
now delivered at his door removes this feel
ing of loneliness aud serves to occupy
agreeably his leisure hour.
FLASHES OF Ft.
Chicago Post: "What Is an egotist?'
"An egotist Is a man who mlmls hla own
buslneaa with such persistent eiirnestnees
that It annoys you."
Washington Star: "On whnae side la that
expert wltneaa supposed to be tentlfylng?"
asked one Juror.
"I don't know," answered another; "I
forgot to notice whi h lawser called lilm
to the stand."
Philadelphia Pre: "rt'ow! Igh!"
grunted the unfortunate old nian. lie h;id
walked Into the square to hear the band
play, but he trod upon a banana skin, and
came down hard.
"Hay! ilrandpap," rrW d Miiggny. the
aswsbtiy, "ain't u got no more nairiwtlata
than ler set dor. w'en de band's playin
'America?' "
Homervllle Journal: GovernehsV How
pitoiy feet make a yard?
Kthel 1 don't know, but I heard Mr.
Johnson say last night that there were
6,00 square feet In his.
Philadelphia Record: "Kin any one make
a motion? " aaked one nf the audience.
"Uenta." said Alkali Hill, chairman of the
meeting, as he laid his revolvers on the
table, "owln" to the general custom of
wearln" weapons In the- parts I trust no
one will makfa a motion."
Bultlnioro American: "What do you re
gard," aekn tho interviewer, "as the pevlod
of greatest development In American
humor';"'
Here tn person who Is being Interviewed
wttxen t' .' thlf.jl. At lnnt he answers:
"Well. 1 have been writing Jokes for the
last tlva years."
Boston Transcript: Prender This la a
great country, and we still have our
patriots, thank heaven'-
tiuyders Kight you are! .Inst think of
the money that men are willing to give In
order to servo the country In any capacity,
no matter how Inslgnlhcant!
THK MF.LAKCHOLV DATS.
r
'tlmore American.
One more .nfortunafe
Weary t,. breath.
Wife too Importunate, ', .
I louae-cleaned to doath.
Carpet wet with Ilia blood,
Flctih full of tacks.
Stovepipes all crushing him,
(living him whacks.
Ixok at his garments.
Hee his manned foot!
Iook at the face of him, '
Frrsi-oed with soot;
Treat him not scornfully.
Think of him mournfully,
I nmarriid man!
Watch one day's house clesntng
Volcanic plan meaning
Sneer at film. Jeer at nlm.
Then if you can.
Alas for the rarity
Of wifely charity
T'nder the sun!
Oh, it waa pitiful!
In a whole cltyfull..
Feed had he none.
Kreakfustleas. dinnerless
Supperlesa, hopelessness
This wus hla lot.
Chilled steel sandwiches.
With bltea full cf Mtche.
Face powder iu coffee
Rage of the hungry man
Only thing hot.
Battle, bang, din and daah.
Shrieks, scolds and craah and smash.
Kattla and roar
M1.'..'" tonu twelve knots an hotir.
LMIdrim of demon power,
Pipes In a pour
Mad from his cup's full brlin
;Ihi would fata but his glim
Thoroughly douse,
In misery's corner curled,
W'h'k, frantic, to be hurled.
I.Ike d-d mouse.
Any where ueywhere i
Out at tba bouse!