Tlin OMAHA DAILY BEE: PATUKDAY. NOVEMBER 1, 102.
t The Omaha Daily Bee.
E. P.OBEWATKK. EDITOR.
PUBLISHED EVERT MORNINO.
TERMH OF SfBBORIPTION.
Dully (without Hundayt, One Tir.4
lHlljr 1 ai,d tundy. One Tur '
JlhjptrMtfl He, ()ti Yer
HiiMflnv lu-e. one Vfir t
huturrU r Iw, Om Year 1
Twentieth nlurr Farmer. One Year.. l.W
DEMVKRED BY CARRIER.
rllw n (without nundav). per ropy... ?;
Jlly lie (without Sunday), per week. ..12c
Dully Ie (Including Sunday), per week. 17c
Hunday )V-e, per ropy r-
Kvenlna- Hee, (without Sunday), per week 6c
kv.nln Uf (lncliidlrUE Hunday). per
week !
Complaints of lrreularlte In delivery
Should be. addressed to City calculation D-
parlment.
OFFICER.
Omaha The Bee Bulldlr.g.
South Omaha City Hall Building, Twenty-fifth
and M Btreeta.
Council Bin ft) -10 pearl Street
C hl'-aro IW Unity Building.
New York I'ark Row Building.
Washington 601 Fourteenth Street.
CORRESPONDENCE.
Communloa,tlons relating to news anil edi
torial matter ahould be addrcaaed: Omaha
aUee, Editorial Department.
BUSINESS LETTERS.
Business letters and remlttanrea ahould
t addrenxed: The lie Publishing Com
pany, Omaha.
REMITTANCES.
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payable to The Bee Publishing Company.
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THE BEE PLBDlBHlNti COMPANY.
, STATEMENT OF CIRCULATION.
Ktnte of Nebraska. Douclaa County. !
George B. Tuhui k, secretary of The
He Publishing Cmnnanv. be In a duly aworn.
ava that the actual number of full and
n moleta roDlea of The Dally. Morning.
Kvmilna- ami Sunday He trtnted during
the mouth of October, v.a, waa aa rollwa:
i 1 : ,too
I t ao.n.to
f 31,100
4 (, TO
1 2'iRO
fll.SHH)
1 no.uio
31,0T0
at.ooo
17 81.SSO
is ai,4.v
1 80.4(H)
20 aa.ino
21 H2.3.U)
22 S1.HT0
23 31,740
24 2,lBO
25 31,140
2i 2,2.M
21 31,330
10 31.10
01 32,WfK
12 a,tao
II SlH't Ml
14 Jii.aao
is simo
IS 32.TOO
Total IMMMlin
Lei unsold and returned copies ,HTJ
Net total sales tCV,74.1
Net average aalea 3o,f)50
OEOROB B. TZBCHL'CK.
Subscribed In my presence and aworn to
before rao thla 31st day of October, A. D.
M. B. HUNOATK,
(Seal.) Notary Publlo.
Chicago rs. unnovRt nivtn a ark t is
Tl progressive divorcement of meat
picking from stock yards Interest at
Cblcsjro lit" utea'lily operated for the
Ixiieflt both of the other packing- cen
ter on the Missouri river and else
where aul of western stock raiders
g-en-rally. The liTe stock market at
Chicago was originally built up. In
large iart, by transportation rate
(rronxly discriminating; against all other
western markets, until for a long
pprlod It operated aa an extortionate
monojioly. It opposed with rflentlesa
energy and unacrupuloua means the 511s-
sourl river live Block inarketii, and
their grow th was thus greatly Impeded.
They, nevertheless, grew, and the rela
tive Importance of the Chicago market
has rapidly decreased.
The Chicago ilotk yards interests, In
line with their undevlntlng policy of
hoBtlllty to western markets, are now
prosecuting a case of grvat Important
berore tue inu-rntaie commerce coui
mlsHlon, Involving the relative rates on
live atotk and packing house products,
Their Kjlnt la to have the rates on the
latter held arbitrarily at the highest
possible point by order of the comnils
slon. Obviously If the finished prod
utt Is shipped at a lowe'r rate than
animals on the hoof, the tendency Is
to have them slaughtered at the points
nearest the feed yard and pasture, at
Missouri river packing centers Instead
of Chicago. The Chicago Live BtocK
pirhanee and every other distinctive
Chicago stock yards Interest have com
blned to secure the annulment of the
somewhat lower rates the railroads
have conceded on the finished product
than on the live animal, from Missouri
river points.
But those Interests, however, are not
now being aided uy uie powynui
In
be Is much more hosille to the prin
ciple of protection, tinder which thou
sands of Individual Industries have
been built tip and are being sustained
in successful comjx-tition with the greit
combinations. Mr. Cleveland would
like to see this principle overthrown.
whether or not the trusts were thereby
destroyed.
We do not think that Mr. Cl"velnnd
Is at present exerting a great deal or
influence upon public thought, and In
recalling the history of his administra
tions be certainly Is not benefiting his
party. The period of his second admin
istration, so far as the Industrial Inter
ests of the country were concerned, will
not soon be forgotten by the American
people, though they have since largely
by reason of the republican policy
which Mr. Cleveland condemns, recov
ered from the hard and disastrous ex
perience of that period of distrust and
depression. Mr. Cleveland said: "I
have supposed, my fellow citizens
thoughtful on this subject" They are,
and a majority of them do not concur
In his view that the principle, of pro
tection ahould be overthrown.
reive general acceptance. The tariff lias
been a party Issue throughout most of
our history and Is pretty sure to con
tinue so Indefinltelr.
Ve must not forget that a proposed
meiidinent to the constitution of Ne-
raska Is pending for ratification at
he election next Tuesday, which ought
to be voted uy or Toted down rather
than allowed to go by defnult. Its
urport is to change the requirements
for future amendments to the constitu
tion from a majority of all votes cast
t the flection to a majority of all votes
cast upon the prointsitlon. The proposi
tion for the amendment will Imprinted
,'t the bottom of the official ballot.
where the voter must mark a cross op
posite the words yes or no to express
his preference for Us adoption or re
Jectlon.
27 Sl.OTO
at.tmo packing Interests as they once were
29 ni,iKM
20 3a,.KMI
THE RETAIL SALKS.VAX
It Is the practice of most of the large
retail stores and many small ones to
pay their clerks a percentage on their
sales In addition to their regular wages.
Even where commissions on sales are
not given to the clerks, the amount of
the sales made by each is carefully
scanned and the value of his services
gauged by the business done for his em
ployers. If promotion or Increased sal
ary Is to be awarded the salesmen who
are credited with the most eules come
In for first consideration.
II6w many clerks In Omaha stores
have ever had a commission on a sale
charged to David II. Mercer? Can a
the palmiest days of the Chicago live clerk lu a dry goods house be found
stock market monopoly, because they any wuere In Omalia wbo ever sold a
have become identified more and more I dress pattern for Mercer's wife? Is
with the western centers. They are there a shoe clerk In Omaha who ever
especially so Just now by the accident sold a pair of shoes for Mercer's child?
of falling to secure control of the Chi- Is there a saleswoman at any glove
caco stock yards, whereas they have counter In Omahu who can tell the size
succeeded lu most of the other lmpor- of glove worn by any member of Mer
tant stock yards, for the purposes of cer'a family? Is there a grocery clerk
the great merger contemplated by them. In Omaha who can remember ever put
Whatever the ceueral effect of the mer- ting up a bill of goods for Mercer's
ger may ultimately be, the antagonism kitchen? What clerk lu an Omaha fur
between the great pocking Interests and ulture atore ever got a commission on a
tii r-iiicntr, atnek vnnla Is for the nres- chair or even a footstool for Mercer's
The candidates are feeling the heat of mt operatlng substantially to the beueUt parlor? What Omaha salesman sold him
The portrait of the Mad Mullah
strong corroborative evidence.
Is
the campaign a
Anyone else.
great deal more than
All accounts agree that the public hall
Bt Durapgo, Colo., was not fired by
Colonel Bryan's oratory.
of the Missouri river live stock mar
kets and of western live stock growers
In results which will be important aud
permanent.
THE BtPCBLlCAN LEVIS L ATI VE TICKET
When the republican legislative ticket
his stove or mantel fixtures?
Yet the clerks lu our retail stores who
depend for a living upon the sales they
make and wbo In turn spend or Invest
every cent they earn right here among
Omaha merchants, are asked to vote the
nonresident congressman into perpetual
Some real fighting In Colombia Is
(possible now that a number of Auierl- was nominated The Bee promptly com- office at a fat salary and perquisites,
cans bare taken a hand.
mended the candidates la spite of the
known fact that they were beneficiaries
of the wholesale frauds perpetrated la
the primaries In the interest of Con
gressman Mercer. In the interval The
Bee has repeatedly asked these candl-
The legislative candidate who Is afraid dates, who were nominated without plat
Jto take a stand on tax reform and home
ixule Is likely to find the people afraid
Cf him.
A new one-hour bicycle record has
Just been established. Tho aeronauts
iand automobillsts will have to get busy.
Tho nonresident never thinks of the
Omaha retailer or his clerks vhen he Is
blowing in his money at Washington
and New York shops or at Atlantic City
summer resorts, but now that he wants
their votes he Is using all the arts of a
inlxcr to pull the wool oveif their eyes.
form pledges on any subject, to declare W1U they allow themselves, to be fooled?
themselves on the two vital local issues
tax reform and home rule. In making
this demand The Bee only voiced the
sentiment of a large majority of taxpay
ers and citizens who Insist that the prop
erty of the railroads shall be taxed the
same as their own and that they be ac
corded the right of local self-government
What the taxpayers of Omaha have a I enjoyed by every other town and city in
tight to demand Is that ail taxable I Nebraska-
It Is worthy of note that Mercer's
i frank Is not carrying campaign litera
ture In behalf of any of the other candi
dates on the republican ticket.
property In the city be listed for assess
ment uniformly at the tame ratio of
valuation.
After the meat packers' merger is fol
lowed by a stock yards merger the
merger magnates can busy themselves
on a scheme to combine the two big con
solidations.
Instead of appreciating the good words
said for them by The Bee and Its effort
to get them In line with public senti
ment, the republican legislative candi
dates, with but three exceptions, have
not only spurned the advice, but hare
devoted most of their time to abusing
The Bee and Its editor, declaring that
they could not afford to gratify the
Tho conviction of a few of the abet
tors of fraudulent voting would set an
example that would put an end to ballot
PROPOSED TARIFF COMMISSION
It Is the opinion nt Washington that
In his annual message President Roose
velt will recommend the creation by
congress of a permanent tariff commis
sion. It Is said that the utterances of
certain members of the cabinet, as well
as some other eeml-ofllelul announce
ments, haver practically committed the
administration to this proposition
Which was suggested by the president
in one of Lis speeches as a means of
reforming the tariff In a way that would
not disturb and unsettle the business
of the country.
The matter Is receiving a good deal of
attention In the east and while the plan
of a commission does not meet with
universal favor, there Is a good deal of
wishes of The Bee at the risk of losing
the support of the tax-shirking railroad I support for it and It Is quite possible
corporations. Three out of the twelve I that this will grow as tho discussion of
candidates M. A. Hall, E. M. Morsman, the subject proceeds. The New York
box conspiracies In this vicinity for at jPi and j. n. Klggs have given personal Commercial, which Is securing slgua
least a little while. I ...urance that they are Individually In I tures to a tetltlon for tho creation nt
accord with The Bee on home rule and I a permanent - tariff commission, says
xue price or so.iw per ton jot aninra-1 railroad taxation, nut una Die to pieage that its conviction that the great
tt miiI wrhlh Ir la niYktmaMl trt fir aa I tk.mBAi,t.. nnhllnlw Vuwanaa thv had I V...1U uA . , .1.
. , - , - - luclilBCITn yuv.iw. I vuifc V. IUQ VUOIUCBV UlVll VL 1UU CU U 11
uiv iviaif u.uik iu i uuauviuia, i agreea io uiuae uv ukbhuuu in ravor sucn a commission is belnz
out west like a heavenly dream and I would not be subscribed to by all the steadily confirmed bv the dailv rwdnt
mot unlikely it Is a dream.
If those South Omaha school board
boodlers are as lucky In unearthing legal
loopholes as other South Omaha bood-
,lrs have been, they will not get very
far btjrond the district court.
legislative candidates. of hundreds and thousands of signs
It Is ouly fair to these gentlemen that tures to the petition urging congress to
they shall not be placed before the peo- carry out the president's suggestion. It
pie In any false light, and it is also states that among these are the names
proper that the course of The Bee shall 0f many consistent protectionists. On
not bo misconstrued.
In refusing to make a treaty provid
ing for extradition, the Cubans should
' carefully calculate how long the peo
ple of the United States will tolerate
M refuge for rogues within a few hours'
laall of their coasts.
No wonder that Guatemalan volcano
'(f Santa Maria hides Its face behind
A black smoke cloud. Beside the ex
ploits of the lava chimneys on the Is
land of Martinique its gyrations sink
Into Inslgulflcaure.
i t
The Municipal league has discovered
that all our candidates' for school board
on both tickets are good men, but
wherein they are better than the school
board candidates opposed by the league
a year ago It falls to state.
Nebraska's bumper crops for 1002 give
notice to all the world of trade that
the Nebraska farmer will constitute one
of the best market during the coming
season to be found lu the entire coun
try. The Nebraska farmer will have
not ouly the disposition to buy, but ulso
the wherewith to pay.
Ia Iictrolt. nominee on the repub
lican legislative ticket are advertising
themselves as "uutl-rlpinT raudldate.'
That means that they are opposed to
outside Interference with city govern
ment and In favor of municipal home
rule, I-ocal self government and mu
nlclpal home rule are cardinal prlucl
pjoe of republicanism everywhere.
REC ALLIUM IUSTOHT.
Mr. Cleveland said In his Norrlstown
speech that In 1887 the trusts that were
at all Important might ' have been
counted on the fingers. Perhaps It was
because the trusts were not then more
numerous, but the democratic udmlnls
tratlon did not seriously concern Itself
about them. But It is worth recalling
that the second Cleveland admlntstra
tlon, from 18U3 to 18J7, was equally in
different to the trusts, although In the
meantime a republican congress had
enacted an anti-trust law. The second
Cleveland administration not ouly made
no effort to enforce that law, but was
careful to Inform the trusts that this
legislation was defective and Inade
quate, and consequently they need have
no apprehension regarding It. More
over, that administration came Into
power supported by a democratic con
gress, yet tut. congress did nothing to
remedy the defects of the anti trust law
or otherwise to deal with the trusts,
Mr. Cleveland's charge that the pro
tectlve tariff Is responsible for the
trusts does not lu the least relieve his
second udmlulstratlou from the just
accusation of haviug utterly Iguored
the Sherman act of 18tH), except to pro
nounce It worthless. It was given no
test, the trusts, which became more uu
merous during that period, being per
mitted to go on their way unchallenged
and unmolested. Mr. Cleveland may
bo sincerely opiosed to the trusts,
though he did not show nimscir ao
when he had the opportunity to strike
at them effectively, but the Xuct U tha(
the other baud the American Econ
omist takes decided grjund In opposl
tlon to a commission, asserting that the
tariff will Inevitably remain a party
question and that under a permanent
commission there would be a continual
stirring up of things which had better
be left alone until congress guts ruudy
to stir them up.
It should be understood that It Is not
the Idea of the president to have an
other commission like that of twenty
years ago, authorized to make a general
revision of the tariff for submission to
congress. Everybody admits that
commission of that kind would be en
tlrely worthless. The plan of a perma
nent commission contemplates a study
of the operation of tariff schedules and
providing cougress with information lu
regard to this, accompanied with sue
practical recommendations as the com
mission might deem necessary. Its
function would be educative and it
would have the character of a bureau of
Information from which congress could
obtain authentic knowledge as to the
working and the effect of the various
schedules, by which to determine what
changes or modifications were desirable
or expedient.
As we have heretofore said lu refer
ence to this matter. It it very improb
able that congress will seriously con
sider the proposition for a permanent
tariff commission, lew men of either
party In congress, It is safe to say, will
bo fouud disposed to confer uihju an out
side body auy responsibility or author
ity respecting the tariff and the uotlou
that it can be separated from politics
wlU uot at I'rcscut, if It ever shall, re-
Our Dave Is trying to make people be
lieve that he has been living right along
In Omaha at 2S11 Hickory street The
city directory for eight or nine years
past gives this notation for that address:
Mercer, John J., elk. Q. M. Dept. U. 8. A.,
r 2811 Hickory-
Translated, this means that the house
at 211 Hickory is the residence of the
father of our nonresident congressman,
John J. Mercer, a clerk In the quarter
master's department of the United
States army for the Missouri division,
with headquarters at Omaha,
The continued fall and Incurable flue
tuatlon of the value of silver have at
last forced the government f Mexico
to consider seriously the substitution of
the gold for the silver standard. There
are necessarily many practical difficul
ties,' but they are far less than those
involved In maintaining the' single sll
ver standard. The establishment of
the gold standard will greatly facilitate
uternutlonal exchanges aud particu
latiy those between the Lnited States
and Mexico.
Room for Every body.
Baltimore Herald.
"Arbitrate, irrigate, reciprocate and ex
cavate represents briefly the president's
views on leading questions of the day.
Sneceas Ufnrratti Knthoalaaoa.
Washington Post.
The mayor of San Francisco says poker
is not a gambling game, but a gama ot aklll
We take it that the gentleman has been
enjoying a winning streak.
Titles Come Utah.
Baltimore American.
It Is pretty hard on a daughter of Jay
Gould to be compelled to pledge her life
for her husband's debts. Such Is frequently
the fate, however, of American heiresses
who make great sacrifices to win tltlo.
At Home on tbe Deep.
Saturday Evening Post.
Tbe new shipping trust has a capitallza
tlon of $120,000,000. Considering that It
alms at the monopoly ot the ocean, we
need not be surprised to learn that a lot
of it is water. Etlll, ppe and news
papers complain. Nothing; featlsfles them-
not even the eternal fitness ot things.
l n.i . .
Tall Samples at.Uome,
Kansas City fcairj "
Without venturing the (-lightest effort to
refute Marie Corelli's charges ? regarding
the vulgarity of wealth ia the United
States, It ia proper1 to bear In mind that
the gilt mountebank Barney Barnato, who
hypnotized London a few years ago, was
not an American No -nor was Cecil
Rhodes.
When tbe Deacon Is Good,
Chicago Chronicle.
The circumstance that Deacon Baer has
tendered the coal commission a special
train free of charge an odor which waa
promptly declined may lead the commis
sioners to reflect that if the deacon is ao
ready to make expensive presents to out
siders he might do something ia the way
of financial concessions to bis own em
ployes.
' Prosperity lleyond Precedent,
New fork Tribune.
Many of the beat known and moat Im
portant railroad corporations In tbe country
have recently awarded large contracts for
new rolling stock and the present outlook
encourages the belief that every car and
very engine will be put in active use aa
aoon as it is delivered. The growth of the
prosperity of this great nation far surpasses
precedent.
tranarcr Tbaa Fiction.
Philadelphia Record. .
The Angel ot tbe Odd baa been busy
again. Tbe killing of a school girl by
chance swing of a . croquet mallet, the
stabbing of a boy by a bass ball striking
tbe knife in his hand and the breaking
ot a man's leg by a human missile in tbe
form of a dlny rider on a carousel are all
chronicled in one day's newa, yet each of
these incidents ia such as could hardly be
Imagined. One is led almost to believe
that Poe's fictitious being wbo presided
over Improbable possibilities Is not so
fictitious after all.
Mind, Water and Weather,
" New York Tribune.
Nebraska banks are bursting with money
as an overripe October burr with chestnuts,
but Its owners will not Invest In eaatern
securities on account of tbe large amount
of water in them. For a state that con
tlnually barks with a two million prairie
dog power for Irrigation works, to be helped
along with the nation's money, this seems
an illogical position to take. Since when
has dry Nebraska, arid - at times as the
deserts of atony Arabia, been so desperately
afraid ot a little water? But perhaps It
would rather have it in its wells and Irri
gation ditches than In Its Investments.
Nebraska Talka (or Itself."
San Francisco Chronicle.,
Nebraska Is a fertile and prosperous
state, considerably larger tbaa England
and Wales, but with a population of but a
little more than a million. Like Cali
fornia, It wants more people, and Its
bureau ot labor and statistics has issued
a description of tbe stats which Is a model.
In perfectly sober, but apparently accurate
language. It actually describes every town
ship in tbe state, so as to enable anyone to
Judge whether It Is the place that he la
looking for or not. Probably no one will
settle in Nebraska who can get to Cali
fornia, but those wbo are compelled to
live east ot the Sierras will do well to
read what Nebraska has to aay for Itself.
Prrdlas that Army.
New York Tribune.
A perusal ot the annual report of General
John K. Weston, chief commissary ot the
army, will convince the reader that to be
an efficient officer one must have a knowl
edge of business methods as well as ot tac
tics. The army consumed la the last year
1,574,972 pounds of beef and mutton, and by
the business arrangements ot the- depart
"Afte all fHcfe is nothing like D. Price's
Balling Powcle. Safe, eve y time All
others are a disappointment, and Pve tried
a lot of them samples, cheap, and prises."
FOREMOST BAKING POWDER IN
ALL THE WORLD
PRICE BitKING POWDER, CHICAGO. U. S. A.
ment this was delivered at a reasonable
price. The Philippine supply was sent from
Australia and was of the "first class re
frigerated" kind. The beef was bought at
an average ot 1.68 cents a pound and the
mutton for 6.C0 cents a pound. The delivery
at army stations averaged 2 cents a pound.
In drawing comparisons between prices
paid by the United States government and
England, General Weston points to tho fact
that a ration of beef alone, delivered to the
British army in 8outh Africa, cost more
than "our entire ration ot beef, flour, fresh
and dried vegetables, fruit, coffee, etc.,
delivered at Manila."
POLITICAL. DRIFT.
Cblcago'a registry lists are 63,000 shy of
the enrollment ot 1900.
A Massachusetts spellbinder in a late
speech defined a trust as "a email body of
men entirely surrounded by water."
There is at least one state in which the
result In a cinch. In Mississippi there is
oiy one ticket in the field the democratic
Judge Pennypacker, republican candidate
for governor of Pennsylvania, declares he
is a better looking man than his campaign
pictures.
Tbe total registration of New York City
is &92.30S, which is 37,000 more than tbe
total of 1898 and 21,500 less than the total
for laat year.
Oregonians are enjoying the Indian sum
mer with all the fervor of a robust appe
tite at a Thanksgiving feast. They aettled
their political differences laat summer
Great crowds, which In former years
assembled around newspaper offices In
New York City on election nights, will not
be permitted next Tuesday night. The
police have orders to make them move on.
Former Governor Robert E. Pattison,
democrat s candidate for governor - ot
Pennsylvania, In one of the coal towns last
week headed a procession consisting of
three brass bands playing different tunes
at the same time.
For the Brat time la Virginia's history a
woman la running tor political office. Mrs.
Eddie lone Jones Is on the democratic
ticket as a candidate for achool superin
tendent of Brooke county. For years this
has been a rock-ribbed republican section,
but Mrs. Jones ia' lmmenaely popular and
stands a good chance of winning.
"Big Bill" Devery, Tammany leader of
the ninth district In New York, has a
poor opinion of David B. Hill. Here are
two ot his sayings regarding the ex
governor: "Always a knocker, never a
boost; that's what you get from Wolfert's
roost." "If anybody ever gets Pave Hill
to do something it'll be a snake charmer."
Chairman Griggs of the democratic na
tional congressional committee has been
rather pushed for speakers In the current
campaign. Many urgent requests have
been received, but by all odds the most
modest waa this from an Iowa district:
"Send us two speakers at once for the laat
week. Nobody but Bourke Cockran, Carl
Scburts or Cleveland. We will pay board
and furnish teams."
Battle P. Waggoner of Atchison, general
attorney for the Missouri Pacific, who is
seeking a seat In the Kansas legislature,
played a rude trick on his republican op
ponent by giving "a grand tree 'possum and
sweet tater feast" to the voters In the
colored wards. As Waggoner has cor
nered tbe supply ot 'possums It Is feared
the customary republican ttmjurlty lu that
district will vanish on election day.
ology has had a sale; "I can definitely as
sure you that there lu money In mlcrobea.
Detroit Free Press: Mrs. Kidder (at tho
theater) UrarlouFt That villain smokes a
lot of clgaretten.
Mr. Kidder Oh! well, he dnn't careu Ho
knows ho's got to die In the third act, any
how. Cleveland Tlaln Dealer: "They tell mo
you have cured yourself of chronic In
somnia." , ...
Yea, I'm completely cured."
"It must be a preat relief.
"Heliefl I should say It was. .Why, I lie
awake half the night thlnkuig how I used
to Buffer from it."
"Speaking of :: hot
1'ucle Allen Sparks,
TIIOtUHTS THAT TICKLE.
Boston Transcript: Employer Why, I
rained your salary only four weeks ago!
Kniiloe I know, but that's juxt the mat
ter. In trying to live up to the ralso I
naturally overdid It.
Chicago Record-Herald: "Ah. he'll never
be able to till his father's shoes."
"No, but ho tMnkj hta hat would come
down over the old man a ears, all right."
Brooklyn IJfe: Farmer See here.- boy!
What are yoj doltiK up that applv tree?
Kid Can't yer see nothln'? One of 'er
apples fell off tie tre an' I'm tielng It on
aaln!
Washington Star: "Do you think there
are microbe In money?"
"I do not care to express an opinion," an
awerod tho scientist, whoss Luok on bacterU
Chicago Tribune:
fln'i-h,' " remarked
"there's tho wasp.
Town Topica: Bhe-You are very happy,
dear aren't you? There is nothing, la
there, that could add to your happiness?
)le After we are married I shall hope for
a few additions Just little onea, you know.
Washington Stan "Did Willlgs borrow
$5 from you?"
"Yea."
"That's too bad!"
"Don't you think he will be able to pay
""Oh, yes. He'll be able to pay. I bet him
$10 that be couldn't coax the loan out of
jou."
BEFORE AND AFTER.
Chicago Chronicle.
.i . v tni.u ihm crnun:
They bend and sway, they squirm and stoop;
Ping pong;
They hurry, acurry watch them fly
Whoop-la; she's hit him in the eye;
Ping pong.
From side to aide around they flit
Gee whlx! upon tbe nose she's hit;
ping pong;
She sends a bull with vigor south:
Great Scott! she strikes him In the mouth
Ping pong.
A tooth or two a blackened eye
A flattened nose a cheek swelled high;
Pine pong;
Get used to 11 It a not half bad
You've got to keep up with the fad.
Ping pong.,
But as they play they court, you see,
A pleasing inuilme. you'll agree.
Ping pong;
And they will marry aome fine day.
And the a with rolling plus she'll flay,
... i Plug pouav i . .. . ... .