Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, April 27, 1902, EDITORIAL, Page 18, Image 18

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Stat of Nebraska, Douglas County, ss. :
Oeorg B. Tzachjck, secretary of ihe Be
Fubllanlng Company, being duly sworn,
says that the actual numoer of full and
complete copies of The Dally, Morning,
Evening and Sunday Be printed during
the month of March, llw2, was aa follows;
1 211,070 , 17 IW,5itO
I au,T(K U 21,43U
5 ao.iiio it ao.sao
4 ai,ITO 20 Sttl.fiUO
6 ttM.IKiU 21 ItO.BlO 22 ittl.SUO
7 U,S20 23 Itlt.UOO
2,4AO U 211,010
20.700 a
10 in,4AO 2 2H.5UO
II Xlt, BOO 27 ilU.BMO
U 2U.370 28 20,540
U SW.B40 7 2U.540
U 2,02O JO..... ii1),IKH)
16 2tt,70 U 2tt,V40
10 20,000
I Total U17.420
Lss unsold and returned copies.... t,o7
Net total sales 007,513
Net dally average 20,277
Subscribed In my presence and sworn to
before me this 31st day of March. A. D.
IS'!-) Notary Public.
It seems to be quite the fashion Just
now "to beef."
Between Its wheat and Its meat, Ne
braska Is holding the attention of the
market men pretty well.
Xo one doubts that the weather man
can raise the wind If he wants to.
Ocular demonstration Is not Insisted on.
The next .Nebraska legislature should
not meet with so many of the usual
obstructions that have heretofore stood
in the way of tax reform.
Senator Hernando De Soto Money will
Boon discover that Washington street
car conductors huve some rights tlat
Mississippi swashbucklers must respect.
Congress is good for a session lasting
well into July. The backwoods mem
bers do not propose to go home until
they have had at lease a taste of the
base ball season.
No United States senator should allow
himself to be caught in a pinch armed
only with a penknife. Nothing short
of a pitchfork Is commensurate with
senatorial dignity, ,
Colonel Bryan will attend the Inaugu
ration of President Talma of Cuba In
the capacity of a newspaper representa
tive. With Colonel Bryan the pen Is
mightier than the aword.
Officers of the local franchlsed cor
poratlons need not send cards when
they call on the city council. All that
the etiquette . established by the su
preme court require Is that they bring
their books with them.
If the French people do not take care
the Belgians will wrest from them
their reputation as the most effervescent
and excitable portion of the race. But
then they are all found to be of one
and the same family,., without . going
rery far back at that . .
A religious periodical welcomes back
Miss Stone, with an expression of re
fret that she feels It necessary to enter
the lecture field to repay those whorfa
money secured her ransom from the
Bulgarian brigands. The general pub
lic shares In this regret
No question but what President Boose
rait Is sincere In his determination to
execute as far aa possible the policy of
President McKinley, but the trouble Is
to tell Just what McKinley would do
under present conditions, that have
changed more or less since his policies
were formulated.
Congress Is still grinding out special
pension bills by the thousand for men
and women who have no standing on the
pension rolls under present laws, which
provide very liberally .for nearly every
deserving case. Last Friday 145 private
pension bills were passed by the house.
among these being one for the widow of
Parson Brownlow of Tennessee, whose
son la and has for years been a mem
ber ot congress, w ith a " $o,000-a year
a la. -jr. The late par sou never served
In the army, but was. reconstruction
governor of Tennessee after the war.
When the World-Herald gets through
propounding questions to Dr. Miller it
might be appropriate for that aham re
former to ask the four fusion members
of congress from Nebraska to explain
their position In oipolng the abolition
of the duties on Imported live stock. Dr.
Miller la not In position to grant relief
to the consumers of meat products, but
these gentlemen are. If the theory of the
World Herald la correct If the sham
reform organ Is howling against the
Beef trust merely aa a part of Its grand
stand play It bad better quit and come
off Um fsrcbr
The discussion of the trust problem
hn developed a marked divergence of
vlowa as to. the most effective remedy
fer tile abuses and evils that grow out
of combination and monopoly.
First come the advocates of the de
structive policy, who insist that the de
struction of the trusts Is the only salva
tion for the protection of tho people.
Next are those who recognise in trusts
the natural product of the Industrial
revolution that has followed the ap
pliance of lalor saving machinery In all
branches of Industry and the concentra
tion of capital for the most economic
and efficient employment of machinery
In the production of manufactured com
modities. The assumption of this class
Is that the trusts have come to stay
and their power for evil and mischief
must be curbed and checked by public
ity, supervision and regulation.
And lastly, we have the advocates of
lie let-alone policy, who contend that
an or tne ins or the body politic win
heal themselves In the long run through
the operation of the natural laws of
supply and demand.
The two extremes those who advo
cate the destruction of the trusts, and
those who are opposed to all interfer
ence with the trusts insist that regula
tion does not regulate, and, therefore, all
legislation short of annihilation, or un
restricted combination will prove abor
tive. Yet the most conclusive proof that reg
ulation does regulate may be found on
every highway of the world's progress.
American cities regulate the rates
charged for public carriage hire, and
draynge and express charges. They
regulate the speed at which vehicles
may traverse the public thoroughfares.
They regulate the price of gas and elec
tric lights supplied through private cor
porations. They regulate pawn shops,
auctioneers and various other occupa
tions. They regulate each Individual
house owner in deiositiug and dispos
ing of garbage. State laws have reg
ulated the loaning and collection of
money and the general conduct of
banking concerns. The state laws pro
vide for the inspection of illuminating
oils, dairy products, the storage and
marketlug of grain, and these laws have
effectively checked abuses In most
The most striking instance of the
practical effect of regulation may be
found in the restriction of railway
rates. The Burlington railway for
many years owned and controlled two
parallel railroads running down the
Missouri valley from Omaha and Coun
cil Bluffs to St. Joseph. One of these
roads was on the west bank of the Mis
souri in Nebraska, and the other on the
east bank of the Missouri In the state
of Iowa. Ten or twelve years ago the
local passenger rate ou the Nebraska
road was live cents per mile, while the
rate ou tho opposite side of the river
was three cents per mile. This marked
divergence of passenger rates was kept
up until the Nebraska legislature
enacted a law" restricting the' rate over
any railroad within the state to three
cents per mile. Ever since that law
went Into effect the Burlington line in
Nebraska has charged the same rate
as that previously charged on the
Iowa line. Did not regulation regulate
In that Instance. Hud the destructlon
Ista' policy been pursued Nebraska
would have been compelled to confis
cate and operate the railroads. Had
tho let-alone policy prevailed the five
cent per mile rate might still be In
Twenty-five years ago the legal Inter
est rate lu Nebraska was twelve per
cent but when the legislature reduced
It to ten per cent money lenders cut
down gracefully and stopped charging
twelve per cent While usurious rates
may have been charged from time to
time by private money lenders and
some unscrupulous bankers, the reputa
ble money lenders, which means the
great majority of bankers In the state,
have obeyed the law.
The regulation and supervision of
national banks has long since passed
the experimental stage. In fact. It has
been the safety valve of Our national
tanking system. No rational person
would contend that nutlonal banks must
be destroyed because some evils have
grown out of the system, nor would any
advocate of the let-alone policy dare
contend that It would be safe to abol
ish all restrictions and safeguards for
American banking Institutions.
What Is true of railroads and banks
applies with greater force to trusts. The
destruction of the trust would simply
mean industrial anarchy and commer
cial chaos. It would precipitate the
closing down of hundreds of mills and
factories and throw out of employment
hundreds of thousands, If not several
millions of wage workers. It would be
about as rational as would be the de
struction of all. labor saving machines
and the pulling up of all railroad
tracks. The rational and safe course In
dealing with the trusts Is to make them
harmless by restricting their powers
and subjecting them to close' supervis
ion and governmental control.
While clawing the air and bowiiug
themselves hoarse about the trusts,
democratic orgs us and leaders exhibit
keen relish over the campaign Inaugur
ated by President Roosevelt against the
trusts from which the democrats hope
to reap substantial benefit. The lead
ing democratic organ of Chicago points
with delight at the breach between
President Roosevelt and the corporation
representatives In congress. President
Roosevelt says the democratic oracle.
Is "plunging deeper and deeper luto
assaults upon privileges. He has broken
up traffic agreements between the rail
roads, smashed their pooling arrange
ments and driven some of their officers
to the extremity of refusing to carry
out operations which had Ikh-u lu vogue
for mauy years. He Is looking over the
field of Industrial combinations with a
view to instituting proceedings which
may result In the men responsible for
them being prosecuted under the Sher
man anti-trust law, and nobody knows
how far the president is likely to go In
his pursuit of the trusts." In tho very
same breath the r publican party Is
arrslgned for Its subserviency to the
trusts and Roosevelt is pitchforked for
having placed lu his cabinet In the
position of attorney general one of the
eminent attorneys of a great corpora
tion. In the meantime the American
people are watching the progress of
President Roosevelt's anti-trust cam
paign with satisfaction. They propose
to Judge him by his acts and not in the
light In which his political enemies seek
to place him.
In his speech at the Indiana repub
lican state conveL.lon Senator Bever
idge presented some striking figures,
undoubtedly obtained from official
sources, showing the material progress
and prosperity of the last few years.
He said the farmers of the country are
worth $1,1120,000,000 more today than
before the war with Spain, that the
manufacturers have increased their
productive Investments over $500,000,
(00 since that war began, and that the
workingmen in factories alone are earn
ing $500,000,000 more wages every year
than before the period of expansion.
He pointed out that American work
men have on deposit in savings banks
today over $2,600,000,000, that where
4,251,013 wage-earners were employed
In manufacture ten years ago, nearly
ti,000,000 workingmen are earning
hlgher.wages now in the single occupa
tion of manufacture alone. He stated
that American farmers In the last six
years have puld mortgages ou their
farms to the amount of $300,000,000,
"and Uie American farmer could today
with his live stock alone pay the entire
national debts of England and Germany
and still have over $520,000,000 left In
regard to the foreign commerce of the
country he showed that during the
period from March 1, 1897, until March
1, 1902, five years, the American people
sold to the rest of the world $0,030,-
934,402 and bought $3,022,023,500. In
these five years the balance of trade In
favor of the United States reached
$2,708,010,900 a favorable balance of
trade larger, than In the entire history
of the republic before.
"In spite of the hundreds of millions
of war expenses," said Mr. Beveridge,
"In spite of other millions expended in
laying the foundation of future wealth,
in our dependencies, republican admin
istration has paid It all, and In addi
tion, and at the same time actually re
duced the nation's debt $10,000,000, and
so refunded the remainder that today
the American people pay $7,000,000 less
Interest annually that we paid before
the war with Spain began and, In ad
dition, still and at the same time, ac
cumulated the heaviest surplus In our
treasuiy of any nation in the world."
These are most Interesting and in
structive facta which may well com
mand the attention of the people, and
particularly those who are wont to speak
sneerlngly and disparagingly of repub
lican prosperity.
The prospect for legislation to
strengthen the interstate commerce act
Is not favorable, although the advocates
of such legislation are pressing the mat
ter. The bill Introduced by Senator
Elkins has been referred to the Inter
state Commerce commission for a report
on Its provisions and considerable Inter
est is felt In regard to the reply the
commission will make. It Is expected
that the measure will be approved In
part but an objection to It Is looked
for because not enough power ( is pro
vided for the commission.
The Elklna bill provides for giving the
Interstate Commerce commission au
thority under certain conditions to fix
railroad rates, legalizing pooling and
abolishing Imprisonment as a method of
punishing offenses against the law. The
provision with reference to the fixing of
rates authorizes the commission to hear
complaints of discrimination made
against common carriers and directs
that any definite order made by the
commission after such hearing, declar
ing a rate regulation or practice to be
Just and reasonable, shall become oper
ative and be observed by the party or
parties against whom It is made within
thirty days after notice. The section
in regard to pooling provlJ a that It
shall be lawful for any two or more
common carriers to arrange between
and among themselves for the establish
ment of or maintenance of rates and it
also shall be lawful for such carriers
to agree by contract In writing filed
with the commission upon the division
of their traffic or earnings, or both.
Authority is given the commission to
hear complaints against the fairness of
such pooling arrangements and to make
an order annulling the contract in the
respects found to be unjust and un
lawful. The measure bag encountered a num
ber of objections, the chief of which Is
to the pooling provision, the unpopular
ity of the legalized, pooling proposition
being apparently as general and strong
now as It has ever been. The hearings
lefore the house committee on inter
state and foreign commerce have de
veloped the usual diversity of opinions,
the tendency of which Is to confuse and
thus uecessatily to Impair the chances
of legislation. It is stated that Chair
man Kuapp of the Interstate Commerce
commission is rather pessimistic about
the prospect of securing radical amend
ments to the interstate act and thinks
that it is wiser to ask for such changes
as will make the provisions of the act
operative. This feeling on the part of
the chairman of the commission was
d Inclosed In the views he gave to the
house committee, which It has been
said did not produce an altogether fa
vorable Impression. Of course If all
that may be necessary to make the law
more effective t-annot be obtained at
ence It would not le wise to refuse
such changes as can be secured, but the
advocates of strengthening the law
shoujd not weaken or abate their efforts
so long as there appears to be t chance
' 1 '
of getting what they believe to bo es
sential. They should find encourage
ment in the fact that they are supported
by a stronger public sentiment than
ever before since the policy of railway
regulation was Instituted.
The eminent English scientist Ixrd
Kelvin, now In this country, In an ad
dress ou the occasion of a reception
given him a few days ago, took Issue
with those who have been asserting
that in thoroughness as well as lu cre
ative force the American scientists do
not match those of England or those of
the continent of Europe. After re
ferring to the achievements of the engi
neers who worked out the problem of
the deposit ou the ocean's bed of a
transatlantic cable, Iord Kelvin came
to recent achievements and spoke of
the triumphs of Edison and of Tcsla.
He referred to the letter's share In the
development of Niagara's power so that
It would be of commercial utility and
then paid tribute to Edison, emphat
ically acknowledging his claim to dis
tinction as the inventor of apparatus
that made of commercial utility for
lighting purposes the electric current.
He also spoke of the revolutionary In
vention of BelL Here were three
American achievements In the most
beneficial way revolutionary, observes
the New York correspondent of the
Philadelphia Press, which bad created
millions of new wealth and had been of
inestimable service In the advancement
of comfort and prosperity, whose pre
eminent importance the eminent English
scientist sketched. In a subsequent
Interview Lord Kelvin said that the
most wonderful progress made In this
country has been In the practical use
of electricity, stating that In this re
spect we are much in advance of Eug
lund. In the use of electricity as an
illuminating power, he said, London is
still very far behind New York, while
electric lighting Is not used on the Eng
lish railroads except In the Pullman
There la doubtless some truth In the
assertion that American scientists as a
whole are somewhat less thorough than
those of Europe, but It will not bo ad
mitted that they are Inferior to the
Europeans In creative force, while as to
thoroughness certainly some of our sci
entists are excelled by those of no other
country. Unquestionably American sci
entist can learn, much of Europeans,
but It Is also .true that the latter are
acquiring knowledge from the Amer
icans. Under a decision Just rendered by
one of the higher courts of the state of
New York, school teacher become re
sponsible for assault and battery when
they administer corporeal punishment
The doctrine laid down by the court Is
that when a boy pays his tuition fee
at a school he enter Into a contract
relation and may not be expelled by hi
teacher when bis conduct appears to
them prejudicial to the welfare of the
school, nor has the teacher the right to
punish the boy for misbehavior or dis
obedience. This is all very well for
the boy who pays bis tuition fee, but
how about the boy who misbehave In
a free public school? Does the pay
ment of tuition exempt the rich man'
boy by buying him immunity from pun
ishment for misbehavior, whl the poor
man's boy Is liable to such punishment
without redress? Another point sug
gested by the New York Tribune is.
does the schoolmaster or the court keep
school? Is the power of discipline so
far handed over to the judges that the
teacher, like the police commissioner,
cannot expel an unruly or untrust
worthy person from the body under his
control without the commission of a
crime? If so, the bad boy has reason
to rejoice. If be keeps within the letter
of previously established rule and does
not tell any lie that can be proved
against him In a court of Justice he Is
safe. Even if he Is finally brought to
book he can for week shake an in
junction In the schoolmaster's face and
pose as a hero before the other boys.
Wealthy men who get Into trouble
raising the dust by racing their auto
mobiles at a speed in excess of that
prescribed by law and ordinance should
devote their money and bend their
ei?rgles to the early perfection of the
flying machine. When they are able
to make tracks through the atmosphere
they will certainly be under no Injunc
tions to look out for' pedestrians, baby
carriages, bicycles or trolley cars. To
be sure, the aerial vehicles may possibly
become in time so numerous that reg
ular paths of locomotion will have to
be blocked out and the turning points
on the charts located by floating buoys
of some sort, but the speed limit can
be shoved up almost Indefinitely.
Scorching will never be an unalloyed
pleasure until the airship opens up the
full possibilities of double-quick nav
igation. Representative Sims of Tennessee
has introduced a bill in the bouse abol
ishing the duties on beef, mutton, pork
and veal. It Is to be hoped Speaker
Henderson and the committee on rules
will expedite this bill and forete It to a
vote.'so that we may see Just how many
democrats In the cattle-ralslng states
from Texas to Montana are willing to
go on record in favor of bringing Amer
ican cattle luto competition with live
stock imported from Canada and Mex
ico. We apprehend the Tenuessee states
man would find the democrats who are
howling for free beef getting under the
benches or scurrying out of the chamber
as the roll is called. They know enough
to know that the farmers enjoy their
slice of protected prosperity and will not
voluntarily consent to part with it
Fartles to the complaints lodged
against our American method of in
specting the baggage of homecoming
tourists are profusely dilating on the
tender carelessness- with which baggage
Inspection is conducted bjr customs
officials abroad. No one 1 likely to
venture a contradiction, but forelg
methods of collecting duties can hardly
he Introduced on this side as Ion
as American tariff are built on dlffei
cut lines. More considerate pollteues
toward the public will not hurt any
public official, but the. fearless dl
charge of duty cannot bo suspend
Just because the enforcement of the
law threaten to hurt some one's fee
The omnibus building bill, which is
nearly ready for passage In the house,
contains an appropriation of $300,0)
for the construction of the Lincoln post
office building. A more sensible and
practical thing would have been to make
the appropriation for the construction of
an entirely new building and the taking
down of the unsightly old stone pile
that has served Its day and purpose. In
cldeutally, It should not be forgotten
that under the very peculiar system of
public building construction about $30,
000 of the $300,000 appropriated will be
absorbed by the architect' office at
Washington for plans, supervision and
disbursement of money.
Distance Lends Eseiastmtat.
Chicago News. -
Most of us would rather be looking at
the train through a telescope when It was
breaking a world's speed record thaa be
riding on It.
Gam Two Can Play At.
Philadelphia Record.
Fair play is a jewel. "What If the ex
clusion - of Chinese Immigrants from the
United States should be met with a de
mand for the exclusion of American mis
slonartes from China T
Embowering; the Home.
Brooklyn Eagle.
It adds to the homelike character of a
city to embower Its houses in maples and
elms, to give hiding places for the birds,
and It adds to coolness and salubrity as
well as beauty to provide shade against the
blistering days of summer.
Pen Men at the Helm.
Chicago Record-Herald.
With Historian Roosevelt in the White
House, Poet Hay at the head of the State
department, Poet Ware in charge of the
pension bureau aad Novelist Tarktngton
In congress. It will begin to look as It
"them d d literary fellers" were Just about
running this government.
Pnblle Taate and the Stage.
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
It must be admitted that Actor Joseph
Jefferson hit the nail very squarely on the
head when he said in a recent Interview
that "The state of the stage depends' vtrr
nearly as much on the public taste as It
does on the efforts of us poor actor folk."
And that was drawing it a little mild, toe.
Life's I'ps and Downs.
St. Paul Floneer-Prees.
One of the newest occupations for
women is running elevators, a fact which
Induced someone to remark that It was
an appropriate activity for women, since
they are naturally an elevattng force. He
evidently forgot that no woman can regu
larly run an elevator without lowering
Strennoaa Life, on Railroads.
New York Tribune.
Reoent experiments on Important railroad
lines In this country encourage the hope
that, with the abolition of grade crossings.
the laying down of the heaviest and strong
est of steel rails and the improvement of
signals and of rolling stock, express trains
In the United States will reach an average
speed of at least seventy-five miles an hour
long before the first quarter of this century
la ended. What a welcome saving of valu
able time will then be accomplished. '
Xwo Remarkable Movements In Basl.
nesa aad Ed neat Ion.
Saturday Evening Post.
Two very remarkable movements are dis
cernible In the business aad the education
of the times; and yet, when we come to ex
amine them, we find that the tendencies
have been clearly la view for more than a
decade. Six years ago the present writer
wont to the president of one of the. large
corporations of this country and asked him
to give employment to a man who had
turned his 48th year. There were per
sonal reasons why he should grant
such a request and the person for whom
the place was sought was entirely accepta
ble in character, ability and health. The
president replied: "I want to do this, but It
Is impossible. The age of the young man
Is crowding upon modern business so fast
that he will soon monopolize It. Ws take
no one who has passed 45 we cannot af
ford to do it. But I will tell you what I
will do. If this man has a son anywhere
from 15 to 25 years old I'll find a position
for him at once." So far has this tend
ency already gone that the problem of
getting rid of employes above a certain age
Is now under discussion, and so great has
been the uneasiness that several of the
large concerns have Issued statements that
the old men will not be discharged.
At the same time practically all of them
are taking on only young men, and the de
mand has made a profound Impression upon
the highest colleges and universities of the
country. It has been shown that If a
student goes through all the courses to the
post-graduate specializations he Is about
SO before he gets Into active life and mod
ern business needs him at least five years
before that time. It is not a mere senti
ment but a real conviction which contends
that the years lost from work between
20 and 30 are In a measure stolen from the
lives of the students. This may ba an ex
treme view, but many if not most of our
leaders in industry and In the professions
believe It is true. That there will come a
change a compromise, perhaps seems to
be one of the certainties of the near fu
Along with the Increasing hold of the
young men comes the problem of caring
for those who have passed into what Is
sweeplngly called old age. It is not fair
to set limits on any individual. So long as
ho is able to do his work and do It ac
ceptably he la entitled to every opportunity
and advantage. We do not refer, of course,
to the old men of signal ability and sua
cess, for the grave Is the only stop to their
energies and usefulness, and It would be
easy to fill many columns with names of
those who are past 70 who are holding
their own with the beat that the
younger generation can show. But there
Is an army of millions of wrinkled and
white-haired veterans who have tolled
faithfully and well all their lives, and upon
horn others are dependent. Their welfare
brings Into prominence the system of old-
sge pensions .which has been pursued la
Germany more successfully than anywhere
else, and which has been Introduced by
several of the Important corporations In
the United States. This msy be the solu
tion of the other end of the problem, while
the young men keep on crowding Into the
offices and workshops and accomplishing
the great things of an advancing civilisa
tion by their skill, quickness and en
thusiasm. '
Narrow thoughts are never high.
They only rule who scorn all ridicule.
No man can become greater than his
own heart.
He multiplies his troubles who rune Jo
meet them. -
It takes a very small fool to commit
great folly. -
Forbearance Is sometimes nobler than
God can only lead aa long as we walk
In the light.
The self-satisfied man la pleased with
a very little.
A father's love Is the best part of a
child's Inheritance.
The guides to darkness find their way
to their own element.
A man has never failed utterly so long
as he has friends left him.
Tou cannot expect God to honor your
drafts when you refuse Htm your deposits.
A sermon on our duty to God will not be
accepted as a substitute for doing our duty
to man.
Tho fool who buries his head In the dust
nas usually the Impudence to declare that
mere can ne nothing divine.
The time Is fairly ripe to plant ehlrt-
If this weather keeps up 1902 will go
down In history as the year of "the big
Caricaturists are contributing to the
gaiety of the nation by handing a few
choice "cuts" to the Boef trust
The price of beef sandwiches has been
boosted 6 cents per In the congressional
restaurant. Now, look out for trouble
So long as Delaware brides are content
with wedding breakfasts of smoked her
ring, cheese and crackers, the perpetuity
or American Institutions Js reasonably se
If the editors of the Congressional
Record are really anxious to give the old
sheet an atmosphere of popularity, they
should Insert a few bunches of base ball
The marriage In St. Louis of Mies Lulu
Silence and Mr. John W. Gabb suggests a
troop of painful thoughts! But the story
wears patriarchal whiskers which forbid
Editor Bryan declares that his bloodod
heifer did not cost half what the papera
said It cost. Of course this correction has
no relation to the spring tour of the tax
Editorial writers on the Chicago Tribune
are to be placed in the new building any
where from twelve ,to seventeen stories
above the street. This will preserve the
light and airy character of the editorial
"The worm will turn." Colonel Abe
Slupsky of St. Louis, Joshed to the limit of
patience, turned upon his tormentors re
cently and whaled them hip and thigh
and jawbone. Dink Botts and Hlnky Dink
may take courage from Slupsky's valorous
Much space In print Is given to the life
story of one Joelah Lynn, who Is spend
Ing the evening of bis life In a New Jersey
poorhouse. Joslah's chief claim to fame Is
that he was once a partner of Jay Gould.
But lis could not keep the pace and now
"lags superfluous on the stage."
While Omaha merchants are making
their spring tour of Interior towns, it be
hooves the several mayors to brush up
their keynotes and place on the municipal
counter, a fetching stock of, welcoming
speeches. A Kentucky peroration, de
Uvered on a like occasion, is commended
for Its brevity and enthusiasm. "For a
rollicking, high old time," exclaimed the
mayor, "seasoned with Innocency and un
tainted with sin, I Invoke the prayers
of the preachers, the songs of the saints,
the music of the musicians and the aid
of everybody." That will serve for a social
Nerve of the Nebraskan Who Wrote
His Own Faaeral Sermon.
Cleveland Plain Deafer.
A Nebraska man wrote his own funeral
sermon, and, as the modesty of the average
Nebraska man is well known, it may be
assumed that he treated bis subject In aa
Impersonal and extremely delicate faahlon.
And yet it Is difficult to Imagine a more
embarrassing theme under the circum
stances. The tendency to overpraise might
not be strong, and yet there would surely
be a desire to set one's self In as good a
light as possible at this last appearance on
any stage. Nevertheless, It can scarcely be
imagined that the maker of the sermon
could have any desire to Imitate the effort
of that clergyman who paid' a wonderfully
flattering tribute to a man who had made
himself notorious by his parsimony and by
his entire lack of sympathy for his fellow
men. The dead man's partner In business
was present at the services and during the
sermon was observed to rise and step for
ward to the casket. Somebody asked him
later, what prompted him to- do this.
"Whv." he replied, "I was afraid I had
made a mistake and got Into the wrong
houae." -
The new store, taking advantage of the low prices we are making on
brand new goods. Remember this Is the largest store of the kind In the
west and the stock was bought expressly for this season's trade. Every
thing new.' -
. Vehicles
Some low prices and a large assort
ment to ehooee from. Think this over.
lluggtes, from 46 to 1:20.
Runabouts, from ISO to $25.
Surreys, from $75 to $300.
Htanhopea, Buckboards, Park Phae
tona and all the novelties at all prloea.
A full line of Top and Open Delivery
Wagons and a variety of slsea In
everything from the smallest Pony
Hlg to the Heavy Teaming Truck.
With either stam, gasoline or elec
tric motor power, from $6U to $2,000.
AL'TO STABLES A novelty In the weet. We care for machine aad send
them to your residence or place of business when you telephone. ,
Somervllle Journal: The wise nilnlst
always keeps his eye on the clock when h
Is preaching.
Cleveland Plain Dealer: They are claim
Ing now that the late Ir. Talmnge nas no
a great preacher hen Judged by Intel
lertual standards, but there Is no doub
at all that he was a great preacher froi
the standard of successful results.
Chicago Tost: The Prrsbytrrlsns haw
concluded that the desire for wealth am
for having a good time mllttatea sgalns
the growth and success of the churcha
today. The money changers and the pub
llians appear to hsvn got right Into tn
temple again, and there Is no one wltl
courage enough to wield a whip of cords.
Indlanapolla Journal: Two young Tresby
terlans who aspired to be preachers havi
been refused licenses by the New Yorl
preRbytery because they believe that Adao
and Eve are mythical characters. Thi
New York presbytery Is fixing things a
that young men and women who might h
Tresbyterians will turn their feet towart
a more liberal and more modernized church
Boston Globe: The young applicant fa
theological honors In New York who boldl
told an examining committee of the Nei
York presbytery that he regarded Adao
not as an historical character, but as i
myth, win not preach In any Presbyterlai
pulpit right away. "What!" exclaimed oni
t( his thunder-struck examiners. "Thei
you must have come to the conclusion thai
St. Paul did not know what he was talklni
Philadelphia Press: The Board of Indlai
Commissioners, to which the president hat
appointed Archbishop Ryan, has a mislead'
Ing title, as the head of the office of India
affairs in the Interior department Is aim
entitled commissioner, though his dutiei
are quite apart from those of the Board ol
Indian Commissioners. The latter is a non
salaried body chosen from men "emlneni
for Intelligence and philanthropy," whosi
general duty it is to see that the India
wards of the nation are treated Justly an
humanely by the agents of the federal
government. Since the creation of thli
board In, 1869, and no doubt because of it
scandals In connection with the adminis
tration of Indian affairs have declined ii
frequency and flagrancy. Archbishop Ryai
fills In abundant measure the qualification!
for the efnee as laid down in the statuU
creating the office. The president could not
well have filled the position more wisely oi
Philadelphia Press: She Why, 1
wouldn't mnrry you if you were the lasl
man on earth.
He Quite so. I could get a handsomt
wife then.
New York Sun: Mrt. Hoyle My hus
band says that I am one woman In a
Mrs. Doyle Aren't you jealous of tht
nine hundred and ninety-nine.
Somervllle Journal: She Sometimes I
think, you don't love me any more.
He (reproachfully) How could I lovs
fou any more?
Detroit Free Press: McCorkle Refers
you married Miss Dumplln you used to
sny she had great questioning eyes.
McCrackle Yes, but now she questions
me with her vocal organs.
Ohio State Journal: "I am going to
marry your daughter, sir," said the posi
tive young man to the father.
"Well, you don't need to come to me fot
sympathy," replied the father; "I havs
troubles of my own."
Chicago Post: "iXstlll hope," he an
nounced when she refused him for the
third time.
"So do I," she returned.
"What do you hope?" he asked.
- "1 hope you'll get, tired," she answered.
Washington Star: "Is your wife one ot
these women who look at their husbands
and sey, 'I have made a man of him?' "
asked the Impertinent friend.
"No," answered Mr. Meekton. "Henri
etta Is very unassuming. She merely says
she has done her best.
Chicago Tribune: "Does It offend you,
dear," he whispered, "to be told that we
are descended from a race of barbarians
and are barbarians to some extent our
selves?" "Not at all, Harold," she said.
And he nromntlv allDoed a rello of bar
barlsm on her waiting finger.
Frank 1. Stanton In Atlanta Constitution.
This Is the valley of sweet unrest.
Where we dream the areams mat we love
the best,
Neath a dying sun In a darkening wrest;
And after the dreams
We wake In pain.
And pray to Ooa
To dream aaraln
In the dim, deep valley of sweet unrest!
This Is the valley of sweet unrest;
The child, in a dream, seeks the mother's
And the lips of Love to out lips are--
pre sen.
And we wake and weep
That the dreams are vain.
And cry to God
To dream a sain
In the desolate valley of sweet unrest I
Alas, for the valley of sweet unrest!
To live for a dream In a dream unblest-4
The locks of Love by a dream careased!
isever tne dew
Of the bloom, to drain.
Famished for sunlight
And starved for rain.
With that sigh of eternity "God knows
Columbia, Edison and Victors, the
new patented on, ranging In prloe
from $S to $160. About 6,) Columbia
Wax Records St 9 Kdlson New
Moulded Records, Wc each, IS per
Come In and enjoy the free concerts.
The makea with a reputation, In all
the 1'2 models, Including Orient, Iver
Johnson, Hiearna, World and many
others, sold on easy terms. A full
line of Hundrlxa and a (ompleta line ot
Diamond Tires.
II. E .
Cor. 15th and Capitil Ave.
Phone 2161.
Beaartt'a Ola Location Re.