Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, April 27, 1902, EDITORIAL, Page 18, Image 18
18 THE OMAHA DAILY BEE: SUNDAY, APRIL 27, 1002. Tiie-Omaiia Sunday Ber E. ROSE WATER, EDITOR. TUBLISHED EVERT MORNING). TERMS OF BUBHCRIPTION. Dullv He rithm.t Hundftv). one Year. $4 00 Dally Ree and Sunday, One Year "0 Illustrated life. One Year IW Sunday He. On Year -W BatiiMgy Hee, One Year 00 Twentieth Century Farmer, One Tear.. 1 00 DKL1VKRED BY CARRIER. Dally Ree (without Sunday), per copy.. Jc Dally We (without Sunday), per week.. 12c Dally liee (Including Sunday), per week. 17c Sunday Bee, per copy 6c livening Uee (without Sunday), per week 10c Kvenlng Bee (Including Sunday, per week 15c Complaint of Irregularities In delivery should be addressed to City Circulation De partment.. offices. Omaha The Bee Building-. Bouth Omahn City Mall liulldlng. Twenty-fifth and M streets. Council 'Bluffs 10 fearl Street. Chicago l&Hi Unity Building. New York Temple Court. Washington 5Jl Fourteenth Street CORRESPONDENCE. ' Communications relating to news and dltorlal . matter should ! addressed: pmaha Bee, Editorial Department. BUSINESS LETTERS. Business letters and remittance should be addressed: The Bee Publishing Com pany, Omaha. ' t " REMITTANCES. Remit by draft, express or poMal order, payable, to Tbo Bee Publishing Company. Only 2-cent stamps accepted in payment of mall accounts, personal checks, except on Omaha or eaxtern exchange, not accepted. . THE BEE PUBLISHING COMPANY. STATEMENT OF CIRCULATION. Stat of Nebraska, Douglas County, ss. : Oeorg B. Tzachjck, secretary of ihe Be Fubllanlng Company, being duly sworn, says that the actual numoer of full and complete copies of The Dally, Morning, Evening and Sunday Be printed during the month of March, llw2, was aa follows; 1 211,070 , 17 IW,5itO I au,T(K U 21,43U 5 ao.iiio it ao.sao 4 ai,ITO 20 Sttl.fiUO 6 ttM.IKiU 21 ItO.BlO aw.ooo 22 ittl.SUO 7 U,S20 23 Itlt.UOO 2,4AO U 211,010 20.700 a ait.ooo 10 in,4AO 2 2H.5UO II Xlt, BOO 27 ilU.BMO U 2U.370 28 20,540 U SW.B40 7 2U.540 U 2,02O JO..... ii1),IKH) 16 2tt,70 U 2tt,V40 10 20,000 I Total U17.420 Lss unsold and returned copies.... t,o7 Net total sales 007,513 Net dally average 20,277 GEO. B. TZSCItUCK. Subscribed In my presence and sworn to before me this 31st day of March. A. D. 1&02. GEORGE HA8MUS8EN, IS'!-) Notary Public. It seems to be quite the fashion Just now "to beef." Between Its wheat and Its meat, Ne braska Is holding the attention of the market men pretty well. Xo one doubts that the weather man can raise the wind If he wants to. Ocular demonstration Is not Insisted on. The next .Nebraska legislature should not meet with so many of the usual obstructions that have heretofore stood in the way of tax reform. Senator Hernando De Soto Money will Boon discover that Washington street car conductors huve some rights tlat Mississippi swashbucklers must respect. Congress is good for a session lasting well into July. The backwoods mem bers do not propose to go home until they have had at lease a taste of the base ball season. No United States senator should allow himself to be caught in a pinch armed only with a penknife. Nothing short of a pitchfork Is commensurate with senatorial dignity, , Colonel Bryan will attend the Inaugu ration of President Talma of Cuba In the capacity of a newspaper representa tive. With Colonel Bryan the pen Is mightier than the aword. Officers of the local franchlsed cor poratlons need not send cards when they call on the city council. All that the etiquette . established by the su preme court require Is that they bring their books with them. If the French people do not take care the Belgians will wrest from them their reputation as the most effervescent and excitable portion of the race. But then they are all found to be of one and the same family,., without . going rery far back at that . . A religious periodical welcomes back Miss Stone, with an expression of re fret that she feels It necessary to enter the lecture field to repay those whorfa money secured her ransom from the Bulgarian brigands. The general pub lic shares In this regret No question but what President Boose rait Is sincere In his determination to execute as far aa possible the policy of President McKinley, but the trouble Is to tell Just what McKinley would do under present conditions, that have changed more or less since his policies were formulated. Congress Is still grinding out special pension bills by the thousand for men and women who have no standing on the pension rolls under present laws, which provide very liberally .for nearly every deserving case. Last Friday 145 private pension bills were passed by the house. among these being one for the widow of Parson Brownlow of Tennessee, whose son la and has for years been a mem ber ot congress, w ith a " $o,000-a year a la. -jr. The late par sou never served In the army, but was. reconstruction governor of Tennessee after the war. When the World-Herald gets through propounding questions to Dr. Miller it might be appropriate for that aham re former to ask the four fusion members of congress from Nebraska to explain their position In oipolng the abolition of the duties on Imported live stock. Dr. Miller la not In position to grant relief to the consumers of meat products, but these gentlemen are. If the theory of the World Herald la correct If the sham reform organ Is howling against the Beef trust merely aa a part of Its grand stand play It bad better quit and come off Um fsrcbr liotS RttiVLATIOZ RtuVLATKt The discussion of the trust problem hn developed a marked divergence of vlowa as to. the most effective remedy fer tile abuses and evils that grow out of combination and monopoly. First come the advocates of the de structive policy, who insist that the de struction of the trusts Is the only salva tion for the protection of tho people. Next are those who recognise in trusts the natural product of the Industrial revolution that has followed the ap pliance of lalor saving machinery In all branches of Industry and the concentra tion of capital for the most economic and efficient employment of machinery In the production of manufactured com modities. The assumption of this class Is that the trusts have come to stay and their power for evil and mischief must be curbed and checked by public ity, supervision and regulation. And lastly, we have the advocates of lie let-alone policy, who contend that an or tne ins or the body politic win heal themselves In the long run through the operation of the natural laws of supply and demand. The two extremes those who advo cate the destruction of the trusts, and those who are opposed to all interfer ence with the trusts insist that regula tion does not regulate, and, therefore, all legislation short of annihilation, or un restricted combination will prove abor tive. Yet the most conclusive proof that reg ulation does regulate may be found on every highway of the world's progress. American cities regulate the rates charged for public carriage hire, and draynge and express charges. They regulate the speed at which vehicles may traverse the public thoroughfares. They regulate the price of gas and elec tric lights supplied through private cor porations. They regulate pawn shops, auctioneers and various other occupa tions. They regulate each Individual house owner in deiositiug and dispos ing of garbage. State laws have reg ulated the loaning and collection of money and the general conduct of banking concerns. The state laws pro vide for the inspection of illuminating oils, dairy products, the storage and marketlug of grain, and these laws have effectively checked abuses In most instances. The most striking instance of the practical effect of regulation may be found in the restriction of railway rates. The Burlington railway for many years owned and controlled two parallel railroads running down the Missouri valley from Omaha and Coun cil Bluffs to St. Joseph. One of these roads was on the west bank of the Mis souri in Nebraska, and the other on the east bank of the Missouri In the state of Iowa. Ten or twelve years ago the local passenger rate ou the Nebraska road was live cents per mile, while the rate ou tho opposite side of the river was three cents per mile. This marked divergence of passenger rates was kept up until the Nebraska legislature enacted a law" restricting the' rate over any railroad within the state to three cents per mile. Ever since that law went Into effect the Burlington line in Nebraska has charged the same rate as that previously charged on the Iowa line. Did not regulation regulate In that Instance. Hud the destructlon Ista' policy been pursued Nebraska would have been compelled to confis cate and operate the railroads. Had tho let-alone policy prevailed the five cent per mile rate might still be In force. Twenty-five years ago the legal Inter est rate lu Nebraska was twelve per cent but when the legislature reduced It to ten per cent money lenders cut down gracefully and stopped charging twelve per cent While usurious rates may have been charged from time to time by private money lenders and some unscrupulous bankers, the reputa ble money lenders, which means the great majority of bankers In the state, have obeyed the law. The regulation and supervision of national banks has long since passed the experimental stage. In fact. It has been the safety valve of Our national tanking system. No rational person would contend that nutlonal banks must be destroyed because some evils have grown out of the system, nor would any advocate of the let-alone policy dare contend that It would be safe to abol ish all restrictions and safeguards for American banking Institutions. What Is true of railroads and banks applies with greater force to trusts. The destruction of the trust would simply mean industrial anarchy and commer cial chaos. It would precipitate the closing down of hundreds of mills and factories and throw out of employment hundreds of thousands, If not several millions of wage workers. It would be about as rational as would be the de struction of all. labor saving machines and the pulling up of all railroad tracks. The rational and safe course In dealing with the trusts Is to make them harmless by restricting their powers and subjecting them to close' supervis ion and governmental control. While clawing the air and bowiiug themselves hoarse about the trusts, democratic orgs us and leaders exhibit keen relish over the campaign Inaugur ated by President Roosevelt against the trusts from which the democrats hope to reap substantial benefit. The lead ing democratic organ of Chicago points with delight at the breach between President Roosevelt and the corporation representatives In congress. President Roosevelt says the democratic oracle. Is "plunging deeper and deeper luto assaults upon privileges. He has broken up traffic agreements between the rail roads, smashed their pooling arrange ments and driven some of their officers to the extremity of refusing to carry out operations which had Ikh-u lu vogue for mauy years. He Is looking over the field of Industrial combinations with a view to instituting proceedings which may result In the men responsible for them being prosecuted under the Sher man anti-trust law, and nobody knows how far the president is likely to go In his pursuit of the trusts." In tho very same breath the r publican party Is arrslgned for Its subserviency to the trusts and Roosevelt is pitchforked for having placed lu his cabinet In the position of attorney general one of the eminent attorneys of a great corpora tion. In the meantime the American people are watching the progress of President Roosevelt's anti-trust cam paign with satisfaction. They propose to Judge him by his acts and not in the light In which his political enemies seek to place him. SOME STR1K1XU FIOCHKS. In his speech at the Indiana repub lican state conveL.lon Senator Bever idge presented some striking figures, undoubtedly obtained from official sources, showing the material progress and prosperity of the last few years. He said the farmers of the country are worth $1,1120,000,000 more today than before the war with Spain, that the manufacturers have increased their productive Investments over $500,000, (00 since that war began, and that the workingmen in factories alone are earn ing $500,000,000 more wages every year than before the period of expansion. He pointed out that American work men have on deposit in savings banks today over $2,600,000,000, that where 4,251,013 wage-earners were employed In manufacture ten years ago, nearly ti,000,000 workingmen are earning hlgher.wages now in the single occupa tion of manufacture alone. He stated that American farmers In the last six years have puld mortgages ou their farms to the amount of $300,000,000, "and Uie American farmer could today with his live stock alone pay the entire national debts of England and Germany and still have over $520,000,000 left In regard to the foreign commerce of the country he showed that during the period from March 1, 1897, until March 1, 1902, five years, the American people sold to the rest of the world $0,030,- 934,402 and bought $3,022,023,500. In these five years the balance of trade In favor of the United States reached $2,708,010,900 a favorable balance of trade larger, than In the entire history of the republic before. "In spite of the hundreds of millions of war expenses," said Mr. Beveridge, "In spite of other millions expended in laying the foundation of future wealth, in our dependencies, republican admin istration has paid It all, and In addi tion, and at the same time actually re duced the nation's debt $10,000,000, and so refunded the remainder that today the American people pay $7,000,000 less Interest annually that we paid before the war with Spain began and, In ad dition, still and at the same time, ac cumulated the heaviest surplus In our treasuiy of any nation in the world." These are most Interesting and in structive facta which may well com mand the attention of the people, and particularly those who are wont to speak sneerlngly and disparagingly of repub lican prosperity. MTKR8TATB COMMERCE LEGISLATION. The prospect for legislation to strengthen the interstate commerce act Is not favorable, although the advocates of such legislation are pressing the mat ter. The bill Introduced by Senator Elkins has been referred to the Inter state Commerce commission for a report on Its provisions and considerable Inter est is felt In regard to the reply the commission will make. It Is expected that the measure will be approved In part but an objection to It Is looked for because not enough power ( is pro vided for the commission. The Elklna bill provides for giving the Interstate Commerce commission au thority under certain conditions to fix railroad rates, legalizing pooling and abolishing Imprisonment as a method of punishing offenses against the law. The provision with reference to the fixing of rates authorizes the commission to hear complaints of discrimination made against common carriers and directs that any definite order made by the commission after such hearing, declar ing a rate regulation or practice to be Just and reasonable, shall become oper ative and be observed by the party or parties against whom It is made within thirty days after notice. The section in regard to pooling provlJ a that It shall be lawful for any two or more common carriers to arrange between and among themselves for the establish ment of or maintenance of rates and it also shall be lawful for such carriers to agree by contract In writing filed with the commission upon the division of their traffic or earnings, or both. Authority is given the commission to hear complaints against the fairness of such pooling arrangements and to make an order annulling the contract in the respects found to be unjust and un lawful. The measure bag encountered a num ber of objections, the chief of which Is to the pooling provision, the unpopular ity of the legalized, pooling proposition being apparently as general and strong now as It has ever been. The hearings lefore the house committee on inter state and foreign commerce have de veloped the usual diversity of opinions, the tendency of which Is to confuse and thus uecessatily to Impair the chances of legislation. It is stated that Chair man Kuapp of the Interstate Commerce commission is rather pessimistic about the prospect of securing radical amend ments to the interstate act and thinks that it is wiser to ask for such changes as will make the provisions of the act operative. This feeling on the part of the chairman of the commission was d Inclosed In the views he gave to the house committee, which It has been said did not produce an altogether fa vorable Impression. Of course If all that may be necessary to make the law more effective t-annot be obtained at ence It would not le wise to refuse such changes as can be secured, but the advocates of strengthening the law shoujd not weaken or abate their efforts so long as there appears to be t chance ' 1 ' of getting what they believe to bo es sential. They should find encourage ment in the fact that they are supported by a stronger public sentiment than ever before since the policy of railway regulation was Instituted. VHA ISt rOR AMERICA SCttSTlStS. The eminent English scientist Ixrd Kelvin, now In this country, In an ad dress ou the occasion of a reception given him a few days ago, took Issue with those who have been asserting that in thoroughness as well as lu cre ative force the American scientists do not match those of England or those of the continent of Europe. After re ferring to the achievements of the engi neers who worked out the problem of the deposit ou the ocean's bed of a transatlantic cable, Iord Kelvin came to recent achievements and spoke of the triumphs of Edison and of Tcsla. He referred to the letter's share In the development of Niagara's power so that It would be of commercial utility and then paid tribute to Edison, emphat ically acknowledging his claim to dis tinction as the inventor of apparatus that made of commercial utility for lighting purposes the electric current. He also spoke of the revolutionary In vention of BelL Here were three American achievements In the most beneficial way revolutionary, observes the New York correspondent of the Philadelphia Press, which bad created millions of new wealth and had been of inestimable service In the advancement of comfort and prosperity, whose pre eminent importance the eminent English scientist sketched. In a subsequent Interview Lord Kelvin said that the most wonderful progress made In this country has been In the practical use of electricity, stating that In this re spect we are much in advance of Eug lund. In the use of electricity as an illuminating power, he said, London is still very far behind New York, while electric lighting Is not used on the Eng lish railroads except In the Pullman cars. There la doubtless some truth In the assertion that American scientists as a whole are somewhat less thorough than those of Europe, but It will not bo ad mitted that they are Inferior to the Europeans In creative force, while as to thoroughness certainly some of our sci entists are excelled by those of no other country. Unquestionably American sci entist can learn, much of Europeans, but It Is also .true that the latter are acquiring knowledge from the Amer icans. Under a decision Just rendered by one of the higher courts of the state of New York, school teacher become re sponsible for assault and battery when they administer corporeal punishment The doctrine laid down by the court Is that when a boy pays his tuition fee at a school he enter Into a contract relation and may not be expelled by hi teacher when bis conduct appears to them prejudicial to the welfare of the school, nor has the teacher the right to punish the boy for misbehavior or dis obedience. This is all very well for the boy who pays bis tuition fee, but how about the boy who misbehave In a free public school? Does the pay ment of tuition exempt the rich man' boy by buying him immunity from pun ishment for misbehavior, whl the poor man's boy Is liable to such punishment without redress? Another point sug gested by the New York Tribune is. does the schoolmaster or the court keep school? Is the power of discipline so far handed over to the judges that the teacher, like the police commissioner, cannot expel an unruly or untrust worthy person from the body under his control without the commission of a crime? If so, the bad boy has reason to rejoice. If be keeps within the letter of previously established rule and does not tell any lie that can be proved against him In a court of Justice he Is safe. Even if he Is finally brought to book he can for week shake an in junction In the schoolmaster's face and pose as a hero before the other boys. Wealthy men who get Into trouble raising the dust by racing their auto mobiles at a speed in excess of that prescribed by law and ordinance should devote their money and bend their ei?rgles to the early perfection of the flying machine. When they are able to make tracks through the atmosphere they will certainly be under no Injunc tions to look out for' pedestrians, baby carriages, bicycles or trolley cars. To be sure, the aerial vehicles may possibly become in time so numerous that reg ular paths of locomotion will have to be blocked out and the turning points on the charts located by floating buoys of some sort, but the speed limit can be shoved up almost Indefinitely. Scorching will never be an unalloyed pleasure until the airship opens up the full possibilities of double-quick nav igation. Representative Sims of Tennessee has introduced a bill in the bouse abol ishing the duties on beef, mutton, pork and veal. It Is to be hoped Speaker Henderson and the committee on rules will expedite this bill and forete It to a vote.'so that we may see Just how many democrats In the cattle-ralslng states from Texas to Montana are willing to go on record in favor of bringing Amer ican cattle luto competition with live stock imported from Canada and Mex ico. We apprehend the Tenuessee states man would find the democrats who are howling for free beef getting under the benches or scurrying out of the chamber as the roll is called. They know enough to know that the farmers enjoy their slice of protected prosperity and will not voluntarily consent to part with it Fartles to the complaints lodged against our American method of in specting the baggage of homecoming tourists are profusely dilating on the tender carelessness- with which baggage Inspection is conducted bjr customs officials abroad. No one 1 likely to venture a contradiction, but forelg methods of collecting duties can hardly he Introduced on this side as Ion as American tariff are built on dlffei cut lines. More considerate pollteues toward the public will not hurt any public official, but the. fearless dl charge of duty cannot bo suspend Just because the enforcement of the law threaten to hurt some one's fee lugs. The omnibus building bill, which is nearly ready for passage In the house, contains an appropriation of $300,0) for the construction of the Lincoln post office building. A more sensible and practical thing would have been to make the appropriation for the construction of an entirely new building and the taking down of the unsightly old stone pile that has served Its day and purpose. In cldeutally, It should not be forgotten that under the very peculiar system of public building construction about $30, 000 of the $300,000 appropriated will be absorbed by the architect' office at Washington for plans, supervision and disbursement of money. Distance Lends Eseiastmtat. Chicago News. - Most of us would rather be looking at the train through a telescope when It was breaking a world's speed record thaa be riding on It. Gam Two Can Play At. Philadelphia Record. Fair play is a jewel. "What If the ex clusion - of Chinese Immigrants from the United States should be met with a de mand for the exclusion of American mis slonartes from China T Embowering; the Home. Brooklyn Eagle. It adds to the homelike character of a city to embower Its houses in maples and elms, to give hiding places for the birds, and It adds to coolness and salubrity as well as beauty to provide shade against the blistering days of summer. Pen Men at the Helm. Chicago Record-Herald. With Historian Roosevelt in the White House, Poet Hay at the head of the State department, Poet Ware in charge of the pension bureau aad Novelist Tarktngton In congress. It will begin to look as It "them d d literary fellers" were Just about running this government. Pnblle Taate and the Stage. Cleveland Plain Dealer. It must be admitted that Actor Joseph Jefferson hit the nail very squarely on the head when he said in a recent Interview that "The state of the stage depends' vtrr nearly as much on the public taste as It does on the efforts of us poor actor folk." And that was drawing it a little mild, toe. Life's I'ps and Downs. St. Paul Floneer-Prees. One of the newest occupations for women is running elevators, a fact which Induced someone to remark that It was an appropriate activity for women, since they are naturally an elevattng force. He evidently forgot that no woman can regu larly run an elevator without lowering herself. Strennoaa Life, on Railroads. New York Tribune. Reoent experiments on Important railroad lines In this country encourage the hope that, with the abolition of grade crossings. the laying down of the heaviest and strong est of steel rails and the improvement of signals and of rolling stock, express trains In the United States will reach an average speed of at least seventy-five miles an hour long before the first quarter of this century la ended. What a welcome saving of valu able time will then be accomplished. ' DEMAND FOR YOUNG BLOOD. Xwo Remarkable Movements In Basl. nesa aad Ed neat Ion. Saturday Evening Post. Two very remarkable movements are dis cernible In the business aad the education of the times; and yet, when we come to ex amine them, we find that the tendencies have been clearly la view for more than a decade. Six years ago the present writer wont to the president of one of the. large corporations of this country and asked him to give employment to a man who had turned his 48th year. There were per sonal reasons why he should grant such a request and the person for whom the place was sought was entirely accepta ble in character, ability and health. The president replied: "I want to do this, but It Is impossible. The age of the young man Is crowding upon modern business so fast that he will soon monopolize It. Ws take no one who has passed 45 we cannot af ford to do it. But I will tell you what I will do. If this man has a son anywhere from 15 to 25 years old I'll find a position for him at once." So far has this tend ency already gone that the problem of getting rid of employes above a certain age Is now under discussion, and so great has been the uneasiness that several of the large concerns have Issued statements that the old men will not be discharged. At the same time practically all of them are taking on only young men, and the de mand has made a profound Impression upon the highest colleges and universities of the country. It has been shown that If a student goes through all the courses to the post-graduate specializations he Is about SO before he gets Into active life and mod ern business needs him at least five years before that time. It is not a mere senti ment but a real conviction which contends that the years lost from work between 20 and 30 are In a measure stolen from the lives of the students. This may ba an ex treme view, but many if not most of our leaders in industry and In the professions believe It is true. That there will come a change a compromise, perhaps seems to be one of the certainties of the near fu ture. Along with the Increasing hold of the young men comes the problem of caring for those who have passed into what Is sweeplngly called old age. It is not fair to set limits on any individual. So long as ho is able to do his work and do It ac ceptably he la entitled to every opportunity and advantage. We do not refer, of course, to the old men of signal ability and sua cess, for the grave Is the only stop to their energies and usefulness, and It would be easy to fill many columns with names of those who are past 70 who are holding their own with the beat that the younger generation can show. But there Is an army of millions of wrinkled and white-haired veterans who have tolled faithfully and well all their lives, and upon horn others are dependent. Their welfare brings Into prominence the system of old- sge pensions .which has been pursued la Germany more successfully than anywhere else, and which has been Introduced by several of the Important corporations In the United States. This msy be the solu tion of the other end of the problem, while the young men keep on crowding Into the offices and workshops and accomplishing the great things of an advancing civilisa tion by their skill, quickness and en thusiasm. ' BLAST" FROM RAM'S HORN. Narrow thoughts are never high. They only rule who scorn all ridicule. No man can become greater than his own heart. He multiplies his troubles who rune Jo meet them. - It takes a very small fool to commit great folly. - Forbearance Is sometimes nobler than forgiveness. God can only lead aa long as we walk In the light. The self-satisfied man la pleased with a very little. A father's love Is the best part of a child's Inheritance. The guides to darkness find their way to their own element. A man has never failed utterly so long as he has friends left him. Tou cannot expect God to honor your drafts when you refuse Htm your deposits. A sermon on our duty to God will not be accepted as a substitute for doing our duty to man. Tho fool who buries his head In the dust nas usually the Impudence to declare that mere can ne nothing divine. PERSONAL AND OTHERWISE, The time Is fairly ripe to plant ehlrt- watsta. If this weather keeps up 1902 will go down In history as the year of "the big wind." Caricaturists are contributing to the gaiety of the nation by handing a few choice "cuts" to the Boef trust The price of beef sandwiches has been boosted 6 cents per In the congressional restaurant. Now, look out for trouble So long as Delaware brides are content with wedding breakfasts of smoked her ring, cheese and crackers, the perpetuity or American Institutions Js reasonably se cure. If the editors of the Congressional Record are really anxious to give the old sheet an atmosphere of popularity, they should Insert a few bunches of base ball news. The marriage In St. Louis of Mies Lulu Silence and Mr. John W. Gabb suggests a troop of painful thoughts! But the story wears patriarchal whiskers which forbid levity. Editor Bryan declares that his bloodod heifer did not cost half what the papera said It cost. Of course this correction has no relation to the spring tour of the tax assessor. Editorial writers on the Chicago Tribune are to be placed in the new building any where from twelve ,to seventeen stories above the street. This will preserve the light and airy character of the editorial page. "The worm will turn." Colonel Abe Slupsky of St. Louis, Joshed to the limit of patience, turned upon his tormentors re cently and whaled them hip and thigh and jawbone. Dink Botts and Hlnky Dink may take courage from Slupsky's valorous example. Much space In print Is given to the life story of one Joelah Lynn, who Is spend Ing the evening of bis life In a New Jersey poorhouse. Joslah's chief claim to fame Is that he was once a partner of Jay Gould. But lis could not keep the pace and now "lags superfluous on the stage." While Omaha merchants are making their spring tour of Interior towns, it be hooves the several mayors to brush up their keynotes and place on the municipal counter, a fetching stock of, welcoming speeches. A Kentucky peroration, de Uvered on a like occasion, is commended for Its brevity and enthusiasm. "For a rollicking, high old time," exclaimed the mayor, "seasoned with Innocency and un tainted with sin, I Invoke the prayers of the preachers, the songs of the saints, the music of the musicians and the aid of everybody." That will serve for a social emergency. AN EMBARRASSING THEME. Nerve of the Nebraskan Who Wrote His Own Faaeral Sermon. Cleveland Plain Deafer. A Nebraska man wrote his own funeral sermon, and, as the modesty of the average Nebraska man is well known, it may be assumed that he treated bis subject In aa Impersonal and extremely delicate faahlon. And yet it Is difficult to Imagine a more embarrassing theme under the circum stances. The tendency to overpraise might not be strong, and yet there would surely be a desire to set one's self In as good a light as possible at this last appearance on any stage. Nevertheless, It can scarcely be imagined that the maker of the sermon could have any desire to Imitate the effort of that clergyman who paid' a wonderfully flattering tribute to a man who had made himself notorious by his parsimony and by his entire lack of sympathy for his fellow men. The dead man's partner In business was present at the services and during the sermon was observed to rise and step for ward to the casket. Somebody asked him later, what prompted him to- do this. "Whv." he replied, "I was afraid I had made a mistake and got Into the wrong houae." - Customers Throng..... The new store, taking advantage of the low prices we are making on brand new goods. Remember this Is the largest store of the kind In the west and the stock was bought expressly for this season's trade. Every thing new.' - . Vehicles Some low prices and a large assort ment to ehooee from. Think this over. lluggtes, from 46 to 1:20. Runabouts, from ISO to $25. Surreys, from $75 to $300. Htanhopea, Buckboards, Park Phae tona and all the novelties at all prloea. A full line of Top and Open Delivery Wagons and a variety of slsea In everything from the smallest Pony Hlg to the Heavy Teaming Truck. Automobiles With either stam, gasoline or elec tric motor power, from $6U to $2,000. AL'TO STABLES A novelty In the weet. We care for machine aad send them to your residence or place of business when you telephone. , F.CILAR SHOTS AT THE PILPIT. 0 Somervllle Journal: The wise nilnlst always keeps his eye on the clock when h Is preaching. Cleveland Plain Dealer: They are claim Ing now that the late Ir. Talmnge nas no a great preacher hen Judged by Intel lertual standards, but there Is no doub at all that he was a great preacher froi the standard of successful results. Chicago Tost: The Prrsbytrrlsns haw concluded that the desire for wealth am for having a good time mllttatea sgalns the growth and success of the churcha today. The money changers and the pub llians appear to hsvn got right Into tn temple again, and there Is no one wltl courage enough to wield a whip of cords. Indlanapolla Journal: Two young Tresby terlans who aspired to be preachers havi been refused licenses by the New Yorl preRbytery because they believe that Adao and Eve are mythical characters. Thi New York presbytery Is fixing things a that young men and women who might h Tresbyterians will turn their feet towart a more liberal and more modernized church Boston Globe: The young applicant fa theological honors In New York who boldl told an examining committee of the Nei York presbytery that he regarded Adao not as an historical character, but as i myth, win not preach In any Presbyterlai pulpit right away. "What!" exclaimed oni t( his thunder-struck examiners. "Thei you must have come to the conclusion thai St. Paul did not know what he was talklni about!" Philadelphia Press: The Board of Indlai Commissioners, to which the president hat appointed Archbishop Ryan, has a mislead' Ing title, as the head of the office of India affairs in the Interior department Is aim entitled commissioner, though his dutiei are quite apart from those of the Board ol Indian Commissioners. The latter is a non salaried body chosen from men "emlneni for Intelligence and philanthropy," whosi general duty it is to see that the India wards of the nation are treated Justly an humanely by the agents of the federal government. Since the creation of thli board In, 1869, and no doubt because of it scandals In connection with the adminis tration of Indian affairs have declined ii frequency and flagrancy. Archbishop Ryai fills In abundant measure the qualification! for the efnee as laid down in the statuU creating the office. The president could not well have filled the position more wisely oi acceptably. DOMESTIC PLEASANTRIES. Philadelphia Press: She Why, 1 wouldn't mnrry you if you were the lasl man on earth. He Quite so. I could get a handsomt wife then. New York Sun: Mrt. Hoyle My hus band says that I am one woman In a thousand. Mrs. Doyle Aren't you jealous of tht nine hundred and ninety-nine. Somervllle Journal: She Sometimes I think, you don't love me any more. He (reproachfully) How could I lovs fou any more? Detroit Free Press: McCorkle Refers you married Miss Dumplln you used to sny she had great questioning eyes. McCrackle Yes, but now she questions me with her vocal organs. Ohio State Journal: "I am going to marry your daughter, sir," said the posi tive young man to the father. "Well, you don't need to come to me fot sympathy," replied the father; "I havs troubles of my own." Chicago Post: "iXstlll hope," he an nounced when she refused him for the third time. "So do I," she returned. "What do you hope?" he asked. - "1 hope you'll get, tired," she answered. Washington Star: "Is your wife one ot these women who look at their husbands and sey, 'I have made a man of him?' " asked the Impertinent friend. "No," answered Mr. Meekton. "Henri etta Is very unassuming. She merely says she has done her best. Chicago Tribune: "Does It offend you, dear," he whispered, "to be told that we are descended from a race of barbarians and are barbarians to some extent our selves?" "Not at all, Harold," she said. And he nromntlv allDoed a rello of bar barlsm on her waiting finger. THE VALLEY OF UNREST. Frank 1. Stanton In Atlanta Constitution. I. This Is the valley of sweet unrest. Where we dream the areams mat we love the best, Neath a dying sun In a darkening wrest; And after the dreams We wake In pain. And pray to Ooa To dream aaraln In the dim, deep valley of sweet unrest! II. This Is the valley of sweet unrest; The child, in a dream, seeks the mother's breast, And the lips of Love to out lips are-- pre sen. And we wake and weep That the dreams are vain. And cry to God To dream a sain In the desolate valley of sweet unrest I III. Alas, for the valley of sweet unrest! To live for a dream In a dream unblest-4 The locks of Love by a dream careased! isever tne dew Of the bloom, to drain. Famished for sunlight And starved for rain. With that sigh of eternity "God knows best: Phonographs Columbia, Edison and Victors, the new patented on, ranging In prloe from $S to $160. About 6,) Columbia Wax Records St 9 Kdlson New Moulded Records, Wc each, IS per doxen. Come In and enjoy the free concerts. Bicycles The makea with a reputation, In all the 1'2 models, Including Orient, Iver Johnson, Hiearna, World and many others, sold on easy terms. A full line of Hundrlxa and a (ompleta line ot Diamond Tires. II. E . Fredrickson, Cor. 15th and Capitil Ave. Phone 2161. Beaartt'a Ola Location Re. modeled.