2
KB
CHARLES H, RUI)(1E
s
IENATOR MAHK 1IANNA Is
quoted ns authority (or this
Htory: "When Robert O. Ingor
soll camo to Washington from tha
west, his hcaa flllod with legal
loro nnd Inllilollty, or It would bo better to
cnll It ugnostlclsm, ho oncountorod In ono
of tbo corridors of tho capltol an old negro
woman vigorously scrubbing tho floor when
hIio heard nnyono coming, and, when tho
footsteps died away, busily rending hur
blblo.
A drummer whoso business calls him to
tho Sunllowur stato relates tho champion
drouth story of tho season. "I was driving
across tho country to a llttlo town In west
ern Knnsns tho other day, when I mot a
farmer hauling a wngou lond of water.
" 'Whoro do you got wntor?' said I.
" 'Up tho road about seven miles,' ha re
plied. " 'And you haul water soven mllos for
your family and stock?'
" 'Yep.'
" 'Why, In tho namo of sense, don't you
dig a well?'
" 'HecnuBo It's Just as far ono way as
tho other, stranger.' "
A story Is told of Governor Shaw of Iowa
In last year's campaign. 1'opullstH In tho
audience wcro asking a good many ques
tions, especially ono half drunken follow.
Governor Shaw answered patiently and
bided his time. A man well down In front
Insisted on nsklng a question every five
minutes on an average. Ho tistinlly pro
faced them by such remarks ns, "Just a
mlnuto, pleaso," or, "Lot mo Interrupt for
a mlnuto." In an unhappy tnomont ho
broko In with, "Pardon mo, but" Ilofore
ho could finish tho governor, a rather solt
satlsflol look spreading over IiIh faco, ro
pllcd: "Woll, l'vo pardoned lots worso fol
lows than you In my tlmo and I supposo It
would bo unjust to draw tho lino hero."
"If stories about Mr. Itooaovolt are In
order I may narrato a llttlo domestic Inci
dent," snld a political friend of the presi
dent to a New York Times man. "One
Nebraska's St.
1
Km
D
K E. URUCE.
Gleanings from the Story
evening at dinner Mr. nnd Mrs. Iloosevelt
wcro discussing an old program which she
had preserved, nnd both referred to tho cn
tortnlnment, saying how much they had en
Joyed It ut tho tlmo. Tho youngest child
listened very closely nnd nt length burst
forth in genulno grlof nnd disappointment.
" 'Why didn't you tnko mo7"
" 'Hush, my dear,' said paterfamilias.
'That was before your mother nnd I were
married.'
"Tboy thought no more of tho Incident.
A tow days Inter tho tot was tolling somo
wildly traprobnblo talo to tho oldest. Mr.
Roosevelt, who overheard tho weird nnrra
tlve, demanded sharply:
" 'When did you do nil that?'
" 'Oh, that was beforo you and mamma
wcro married,' replied tho tot, with tho
utmost gravity."
A client recently nsked Thomas H. need
whether a Jury could bo rolled upon to pro
nounce accurately as to tho Intentions of a
mnn accused of crime. Said Mr. Reed:
"Whon I wns a young man utudylng law
I was ono day asked to glvo an Illustration
from Illnckstouo on tho very point. I
quoted the well known Incident wherein the
law which prohibited tho shedding of blood
on tho ntreots of London would not apply to
tho act of a surgeon bleeding a man who
had a fit.
"Tho reply was satisfactory to tho ques
tioner, but a fellow student, celebrated for
keen, Intelligent exceptions, put In his oar
at onco.
" 'Tho surgeon would bo guiltless,' ho ad
mitted. 'Hut how about tho follow with
tho fit?' "
Dr. John V. Shoemaker of tho Ilurcnu of
Chnrltles and Corrections of Philadelphia,
who has been having a few words with
City Solicitor Klnsoy, has nttended moro
public mcu nnd politicians In his profes
sional capacity than perhaps any physician
In tho stato, roports tho Philadelphia Telo
graph. Sovcral years ago ho was a mem
ber of tho campaigning party of Oenornl
Hastings. At Norrlstown It became neces
I
NEW YEAR'S
Louis Fair
OUR DON W. WATTLES.
sary to treat tho future governor's throat
to a soothing spray from an automatic
sprayer, worked by a bulb and small rubber
tube. A burly countryman with a broom
Btlck In his hand kept guard at tho stair
way leading to General Hastings' room, to
prevent curious ones from Intruding.
"You can't go up," was his Invariable
answer to cnllers.
"Why can't I go up?" Anally demanded
an Indignant republican.
" 'Cnuso thoro's n feller up 'tlicro doc
torln' him," roplled tho guard, referring to
Dr. Shoemaker's spraying process.
"What's ho doing to tho general?" per
sisted tbo visitor.
"Dlamo of I know, but ho's purapln' wind
or water Into the general, an' I don't know
which. Anyways yo can't go up."
President McKlnley was deeply apprecia
tive of tho consideration so goncrally shown
to Mrs. McKlnley on account of her woll
known Invalidism and spoke frequently of
tho kindness she met with on all sides. Ills
pastor, Rov. Mr. Bristol, tells tho following
touching story of his last trip eastward,
which ho bad from tho president's own lips
shortly beforo ho died. The special train
stopped at a little town In Ohio to coal
and tho president went out on tho plat
form to And his car surrounded by a throng
of silent people, who mado no loud demon
stration on his appearance nnd no noisy
rcsponso to his genial greetings. Finally a
llttlo boy, rather ragged and woarlng a
great straw hat that camo down over his
eyes, stepped up to tbo president.
"Do you tho president?" ho Inquired.
"I am, my son," responded tho president,
slmlllng.
"Do Mrs. McKlnley lnsldo there?" asked
tho Interlocutor, pointing to tho car.
"Yes, my boy, Mrs. McKlnley Is lnsldo,"
said tho president.
"Thon you'll 'scubo us from cheorln,'
won't you? If she's lnsldo wo ain't a-goln'
to make- no nolso."
The lata Kugeno Stanislas Kostzka de
Mltkelwlcz used to tell a story of
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Commissioners
HON. J. STERLINQ MORTON.
Tellers' Pack
tho cynicism of LI Hung Chnng, rc
lntes tho New York Times. Mltkelwlcz, .i
professional "promoter," spent somo of tho
best years of his llfo In an unsuccessful
attempt to engineer tho establishment of a
great Chlno-Amerlcan bank. Millions wcro
Involved nnd It wns necessary to securo tho
favor of Earl LI. Mltkelwlcz obtained an
Intorvlow with him and explained his
scheme. Tho Chinaman listened gravoly.
"It is a philanthropic plan, Is It not?" ho
said at length. "You deslro by means of
this bank to bring about moral and social
reforms In my country, I supposo. You
wish to clvlllzo us, to save our souls."
"Wo wish to do nothing of tho kind,"
answered tbo ndventurer. "This is simply
and solely a commercial enterprise. Wo
don't care a rap for your morals and I may
say for myself, personally, that It Is a mat
ter of supreme Indifference to rao whether
any of your souls nro saved or not."
Li's almond eyes twinkled.
"Ah," ho said, "you aro not llko othor
Europeans who come to China. They are
all Interested In our moral woll being.
You say you want merely to tnako money.
It Is strange. I have heard of such men
boforo, but till now I havo never mot a
European who had not tho spiritual good
of China at heart."
It is related that a Chicago man whoso
family wealth camo from tho shoo busi
ness and whoso namo Is still associated
with It, happened to be ono of a llttlo sup
per party after tho theater on Saturday
night. One of tho other guests was a
young woman who Is described by her
friends as "perky" and whoso social am
bitions aro such that sbo resented tho
shoo man's presence, though his wealth Is
largo and his mannors good. Slio directed
sovcral shafts at him during tho evening,
which ho apparently overlooked, much to
tho amusement of tho othor guests. This
annoyed her and finally she eald:
"I frequently wear your shoes."
"Yes?" ho eald, noncommlttally.
"Oh, yes," she continued, "and now that
I think of It, I wish you would have a pair
4f
Photos by a Staff Artist.
II. S. WHITE.
of tho kind I usually get sent to my house
tomorrow."
"Certainly," said tho shoo man. "I know
Just what you wear and to mako sure of
remembering I will Just noto It down:
Miss So-nnil-So, ono pair of walking shoes,
slzo C, extra wide."
Tho young woman drew her foot, which
wcro lnrge, well under her skirts and left
tho shoo man alone for tho rest of tho
evening.
A certain society woman who had taken
offense at Harry Lohr, tho former wtno
salesman, on somo trivial ground, under
took to humiliate him In tho presenco of
somo fashlonablo friends. She waited for
her opportunity and then remarked, with
a sneer:
"Mr. Lchr, will you pleaso send a caso
of wine to our houso? Wo nro all anxious
to help you along, you know."
"Same as Inst7" queried Mr. Lohr.
calmly.
"If you please."
Tho squire of dames turned to his valet:
"Mako a noto of somo wine for Mrs. X."
ho said. "Ono dozen sherry $1.95."
In England, says tho Candid Friend, an
ofilcor Is court-martialed for being drunk,
and everybody will recollect tho story of
tho young officer who was accused of this
"crlmo" and wns very nearly got off by his
servant. Tho servant, who was an Irishman,
was asked by tho court whether his maBter
was sober on tho night when ho was stated
to havo been drunk.
"Yes, sir," tho servant replied, "ho was
qulto sober."
"How do you know ho was sobor?"
"Dccauso ho asked mo to call him early?"
This was a convincing answer. Dut one
of tho officers of tho court-martial, remem
bering that thero was no early parade on
tho following morning, asked tho servant
what reason his master gave for wishing to
bo called early. Without a moment's hesi
tation tho servant replied:
"Ho said ho was tho queen of tho May,
sir."
That, of course, concluded the case.