DucLMiibur 8, 1001.
THE ILLUSTRATED UlOE.
Sunshine that Brightens the Legal Fog
I
N a suit brought by it it installment
Itousu to oblalti payment fur a
sulto of furniture a witness win
asked If ho knew wliat "quar
tercil oak" meant. Hero la Ills
million:
it m'ans tliot It's thrn-tiunrters poltie."
Law Notes prints the following petition
presented in a ease before a Tennessee cir
cuit court. "To tlie Ilouunlile circuit court
of Columbia, Maury County, Tennessee.
You will please hear to Your petitioner (ieo.
McClenalil Defendant against Addy McOleii
aid. (Col.) plalntlir. She hnsu aplald to
Your honnnble court For a devorce from in
inro without a doubt. Willi many emit leu
She base Hecclved of me ns stated In her
cotnplalnat. Theiefrr, I must pray to Your
liomtahlo Court grant lit r a Devorce with
out adelay. may (!od Itless her that She
inalKht do Iletltr What She base been doing
in the Past. This 11 day of Nov. Hint of our
Lord. Respectfully yours, Ocorgo Mcdon
ald." Colonel J. T. Mclaughlin, who represents
tiio defense In the Nome contempt proceed
ings, worked bin wny from the bottom round
of the lognl Iniblcr to the position ho holds,
says the San Francisco Wave. In his early
practice ho was Kind to get anything that
canii! along. Among tho experiences that
helped htm to emerge from tho condition of
a briefless barrister ho tells tho following:
One day a miserly old fellow camo to him
and asked that the young attorney draw
up n will.
"How much cash have you?" was tho first
Interrogation.
"Wall, I dunlin," responded tho ell nt,
"somewhere nigh onto $30,000, I reckon."
"How do you wish It divided?"
"I want my old woman to havo $15,000,
and you can say that I give and bequeath
$3,000 to each of my thtco children," said tho
old man, unloading himself of tho legal
phraso with much gravity and deliberation.
"What clso do you wish to say?"
"Say that to each of my several nieces
mid nephews I also glvo the sum of $.',000."
"Hold on, sir, tit Is Is a work of stiperrero
gntlon; you havo already disposed of all
your money. How nro they to be glvtn the
sums you specify?"
"f!ol darn "em, let 'em work for It as 1
did," canto tho nnswer.
"The mrst disappointed man I ever saw,"
said William J. Casey, a Ilaltlmoro finan
cier to n Washington Post man. "was n poor
wretch who was about to be hanged In ono
of tho northeastern counties of Maryland.
I happened to be there about the tlmo nnd
accepted nn invitation to witness the exe
cution. "This fellow's lawyers bad been working
hard to save his neck nnd there seemed to
bo some possibility that he might bo re
prlovcd. The time set for tho execution ar
rived, however, and tho sheriff mndo plans
to carry out the execution. The march to
tho scaffold had begun and the pr'sotter was
about to mount the steps when n messenger
arrived, bangid frantically at the gate cf
tho Jn II yard and was admitted waving n
telegram In Ills hand.
"Tho procerslon was at once stopped and
tho sheriff took the telegram, but siw that
it was addro sed to the condemned man.
Ho handed It to the follow, who, trembling
with hope, tore open tho envelope. Ho cast
hlri eager glance nt tho message, paled and
lot It drop from his hand. The sheriff
picked up tho paper, read It and the march
to tho scaffold was resinned. In n fow
minutes the man who had hoped for a ru
prlovo was In eternity
"Tho message was from some minister
who had becomo Interested In his case It
told him to trust in the Lord and he would
be saved."
Lawyers with an appreciative sense of
humor enjoy nothing o much ns to get n
quick-witted, rendy-tongucd son of the Km
erald Isle on the stand to relieve the
monotony of the legal technicalities of a
case, A gentleman who has been collecting
samples tif Irish wit and repartee for some
time relates the following anecdotes in the
Ilaltlmoro Sun. Some of them arc doubtless
mellow with age, but In any case they will
bear repltltlon:
"Aro you guilty or not guilty?" asked the
court clerk of a prisoner charged with aonu
trivial offense.
"Phut are yces there for but to fnlnd
tut?" was the quick rejoinder.
A henpecked husband had his better half
arresteii for annulling him. The plaintiff
was on tho stand.
"And now, Mr. O'Toolo," said his coutt'cl,
"will you kindly tell the Jury whether your
wife was In the habit of striking you with
Impunity?"
"Wld what, sor?"
"With impunity."
"She wuz, sor, now an' then; but the gln
erly used tif potnty masher."
A witness testifying in a murder case was
HBked tit describe to the Jury the exact lo
cation of a lllght of stairs.
"Kxplaln to tho Jury," said tho prose
cuting attorney, "exactly how the steps
run."
"Share, sir, If ye shtand at tif bottom
they run up, an' if ye shtand at tif top they
run down."
"Justice as it Is dealt out In the west
is not always according to Iloyle," said
tho westerner to a Detroit Free Press re
porter. "I don't mean the Justice that
dangles from the end of a rope, hut the
real slinon pure Justice Hint the courts
grind out.
"In the little town where 1 live there Is
an old man acting as Justlco of tho peace,
and his Idea of law Is peculiar at times.
He never bothers himself with the line
points of law, and tho only book that ho
possesses Is n bound volume of tho patent
records upon which he swears his wit
nesses, "Not long ngo the town was swept by a
moral wave, with tho result that It was
decided to have a more decorous Sunday
than wo had been in tho habit of keeping.
As closing the saloons was not to be thought
of, a compromise was mndo by ordering tho
only barber shop In town to close lis tloor
Sunday.
"Tho barber, who thought, not without
reason, that be was discriminated ngalnst,
paid no attention to the now Sunday closing
net, with the result that tho mnrslial ar
resteii him and hauled him up before tho
old Justice of tho peace, who Immediately
declared the law unconstitutional and
throw It out of court.
"The newspapers had tiny amount of fun
nt tho old man's expense till a similar
case was carried up to tho supremo court
and there declared uncoiifctlttltlonnl.
" 'Tnlif t necessary ter know any law,
grunted tho old man, when ho was con
gratulated upon being sustained by tho
supremo court, 'nil you want Is n little
common sense.' And ly Isn't far out of the
way."
A lawyer of sumo distinction, who began
prnctlco In n small Now Knglnnd town,
relates the Now York Times, says his first
client required a deed covering certain
parcels of land sold to a neighbor. The
deed was drawn In due form, and after
its execution the client demanded his bill.
It was $2. This niiioiint was objected to
as u most exorbitant gum for the service
rendcrod.
"I told him," says tho lawer. "that to
enable me to draw the deed I studied two
years in lite Lancaster academy, it ml Ibis
cost me $200; then I spent four years In
Dartmouth college, which cost me $;;0 n
year more, and then I went to the Harvard
law school for another year nt a cost of
$:.oo.
" 'So you gee, Mr. Illnes, thnt to get the
necessary education to do this work I had
to pay out $1,700, and yet you think my
charge of $2 Is u large one.'
"The man looked nt me for n moment In
amazement and then cxckiltm d: '(lush'
What a darned fool you must tunc been
before they begun on you!'"
From the snme source comes the story of
n lawyer who was said in his day to have
drawn mere wills titan nny one else in Ills
county. Upon the death of a respected cltl
zens there was much speculation ns to the
value of his property. The village gossip
undertook to find out the facts. Calling
upon Mr. Ileywuod the lawyer referred to
ho remarki d:
"Well, I suppose you made Mr. Blank's
will?"
"Yes," was the nnswer.
"Well, then," continued the gossip, "you
probably know about how much lie left.
Would you mind telling mo?"
"Ob, no," said Mr. Heywood, In Ills slow
way. "Ho left every cent that he had."
Needed a Kest
Ho vas only n ball room bonnier per
haps, and still he had sonic rights that a
liiambiimnld nt $2 a week and found was
bound to respect. Ho had been waiting In
tlie debris of a night's rest for the young
chamber lady to come ntoiind nnd
straighten things up, relates the Washing
ton Post, but up to 10:30 she had not ap
peared, and as It was Sunday I'.'cmliig and
ho had a day In ho rather felt that ho would
like to see tilings In some kind of shaped'
Hess, so he went boldly out Into tho hall
whero hIio was chatting pleasantly with the
elevator boy, and addressed her:
"When are you going to fix my room?'
bo Inquired In n tone showing slight traces
of Irritation, but not uiipardonnltly rude.
"Oh, I don't know," she responded, with a
haughty toss of her bend; "I haven't made
up my mind yet."
This was more than be could endure.
"Aw, your in I nl be darned," bo growled
"you make up my bed and let your mind
rest nwhllc."
It isn't the Cook's Fault,
It isn't your Grocer's Fault,
that the bulk coffee you just
purchased turns out to bo differ
cut from the "s,iineknitl"lought
before. Coffee piircli.isi.il b
bulk is sure to vary.
The sealed package in w'tich
LION COFKKK is sold insures
uniform flavor and strength. It
also keeps the coffee frosh and
insures absolute purity.
STUM
DOME
ftmsam nun at emu
1
M
SALESMEN and
AGENTS WANTED
rlQ WAOEB-Ou- 'mo
urllim it lrr HO IK'
it-iful In .mlon illr.
rll.lXKI lrd; ,,l,t. Il.mioj
.iwrntoat. Kffttolr butt.
OT-r lli. kltthtn iuimIi rur
ntihrl t'trnt oMIittll'l, rr
il itMnhtnt wl, r, tur. 1.
Melon! tn I ttffi. Only mrthM,
OUiltlM WalM Mr, lpp
It, Hlomteh, H,,w,l, Kttn'j,
III, lift n.l Hull TtouMMl
'p-,nli ft,r, tnl l,knft.
f, Write fur HmiUrt. N"
f I'lun.Trrnn.rlc. ritr'.K.
ISnrrlMin Jlfir. '..
4H llutlwu IIIJc. ( Uriatl,
IF YOU HAVE RHEUMATISM
utlto to us unit vii will tell you lilCli bow to
nro 11. wo uuartntcc a cure,
THE NUMSliN REMEDY, Chicago, III.
El
OMAHA'S NKW 01111,8', HOYS' AND INFANTS' STOKB-OWNBD AND CONTKOI.I.ISD
UY OMAHA MHN-SUl'l'OKTED AND KNCOUHAOKD HY TUB CHIM)RBN AND
TIIBIH I'AHENTS.
Soft
Harness
You can make your rmr.
tlPNH 114 BOfl 8 II RldVO
oml ci tough nawlrn liy
uslni;IM!HEKAIInr.
no 11 n (III. You cull
lemillien Its llfn-iimltolt
I.wt mlro ni lung ug It
ordinarily would.
EUREKA
Harness Oil
mnkpnnponrlooltlnif Imr
Iit'M llkii new. Mm hi of
puro. Iifiivy hiMlk-il oil, in.
iH'clnllv DriTiiirtMl to with.
KUUlll tilO Wl'UtlllT.
Bolii everywhere
In cuiia ull alzen.
Made tj STANDARD OIL CO.
Floral designs
Bouquets on short or
dcr.s, All tbe lending
roses nnd cnrnutlons nnd
bulbous Ho with In Benson
HESS& SW0B0DA,
n.OIUSTS. l'lion HOI
Ml) Fiirnam St .Ormiiia.
YOU CAN
BUY OUR
HALF-TONE
ENGRAVINGS
which appenr from time to lime
In Tho IlliiRtrntt'd Hco. On nmnll
portrait cuts wo innkn n nomlnil
prlco of 11.00. On InrKor cutH fi
cents per B(iinri' Inch. Tboy nro
nil In drst-clasH condition.
Our photographic dnpnrtinent
will nlso print nddltlnnnl copies
of our original photographs nt
a reasonable rate.
The Bee
Publishing Co,,
Omaha, Neb.
)1n, Wlnlou' NiioIIiIiik M rtip
lias been used for over Kll-'TY YHAItH b)
MILLIONS of MOTH KttS for their CHI.
DHUN WHll.B TKinillNO. xyllh j Kit-l-'UCT
StHVKHS. IT HOOT 1 1 KH tho CHILI).
HOKTKNH tho OHMS, ALLAYS nil PAIN.
I'ttltKS WIND COLIC nnd Ih the lust rolii'
t-dy for UIAKHIIOICA. Sold by drllKKlstH
in every purl of tho world, Ho nuro nnd
nsk for "Mrs, Wlnslow's Soothlnc Syrup
and tnko no other kind. Twenty-live rents
a bottlo.
5000 RAZORS GIVEN AWAY!
rmT TTT. .TTTf.... k.i...ni..i.i
iiuomnlwiliiti'ly l lti;i:. imly tun; imiiuiht.
Ptllt WMllltU lltmi H 1 M.ltHriH'll llillllliiiiiriiiiw J "'in"
v:' . . 1.. , ki.iiu.,1. ..1.., i.'ii.v . iit.iii'iiit'iv
x nil iirmu'ni'iiiii, iimiiik .,,. 'r'"' ",;v.:v'v.V', ....A
ofrfiiiiiililli'rnii iiki1 wen wli'ii'riirir.ii-"i.i 11,1,1 !
. n . .1 .. i . V.,..L ,, , ,f i. A uluii I I oiu-mim-i uv ioiirntiliT H
reeelri'i 1 ! .Viu.-v V.,. k.,1. .ri-t.t. IMf.rs .litnl.lj- iliii.ti.-.!, w it la liii.lt 1 MtM- ly
1 work nlli L-ii hi. w HY I' IMITHIM itiMi'iiiinri H'lHiiiminoii'ii in""""'" ""(
asUowUiw't, A ..irw NKW VOIlk MI.U' M'OltK", X. V. II), Mull.". IM'U 107.
m 11 a 1 1 1 1 1
mm
gfjCD EC SLEEPING DOLLl
KIlV IH I I ti TO CIHLS. A ,liSU,nIU-l,l,r..ll.,l,il,
TO G I H IS. A Mi KWi'li llraul v I lir. .1 Ik.ll
! llilnl a r. Ull, ci'iiit'ltte with CiiK t-y 1 IUkw
I- l.litin lUUtrft.l, Imluiltor tKftttrrM, i lllnwi.t-u. All itttm
Iff for llMNlii)t( onljr 34 Motttil Nuvrlty ArtUlvi t dm
ib mnt.
I hU lmnlm 1MI ti. t1)iii Itirnlncr lir-!, J1ntsl IhvIjt,
tn-lnit Imi if rurly lulf, lIt Ikhh. atm king. t,(
rtnii) Kl. Dnlrr Norrlllin t ittif, nwll llirtit In )tir
itnU, M-ml 114 th lnoni-y, Btil w w furwurtl iu ililn
l.-tflf lilf IhiLL 4HU U CtiMBINlTIOit nm)lrl f-r nuf
truubla
DIMU SPECIALTY CO.,
Doll Dept. 38.
HrMicewater, Conn.
"Outing"
Art
Calendar
1902.
oi
i: offor this lUH'lt t no sofonil In our K-tlrs
benutlfiil nrt niloinliirs for HM)2. The Hint, our
'Century Olrl", may still bo hml, tin1 sernml is now
ii'itdy for distribution. For wnnt of a better name
wo Imvo dti'ldt'd lo mil tliU one "OhHiik." briiiiiso
that title sionis most approprlato lo the dainty and
artistic driiwItiKs. ICai'li plate Is fn.ni a water color
palutliiR by MIhm Maiido Stiiinin, nnd all tlie dolleato
sliadt'H nnd artistic ntiuiKipbcro of Iho nrln'tialH have
been faithfully reproduced. There Is no nilvcrtlsliiK
upon these cnlonilnrs, uothluK more nor lei-s than
Wiown In the llluslrntloii herewith except the colors,
which nr if course Impisslhlc of rcpn diictlou In
a Imlf-toie. We havo secured u Inrne number of
'.so cal ndaiH. but the demand Is s ead.ly Incrcas
lug and It will be well to send In your orders ns early ah possible. They will make
attractive nnd Inexpensive Christmas Klfts and are most appropriate nt tills season
of the year You cannot secure such cnlenilars at tbe art stores for sevornl Mines the
price at which these aro offered
t
py. in
TVCyyV i'j i ' ' ' ,?jJHHjlitf3jt'v mlkkLkLwkwu
MvVt i -o v is in HriW 3mMPsmKf)Wmj-
Till", above balf-lono kIvch but n faint Idea of the
flint piKo ib'slKit of tho new "Outing" Calendar
for 11)02, Tliero aro two other designs In Miss
Stainm'H liapplest mood, nnd rather than attempt u
description wo hnvo kIvcii each a nnuio which will con
voy to you Homo Idea of theso clever sietchc.
"The Hunt for Happiness"
"Lundiiiga Speckled Ueauty"
"Bruin's Fue.
Tho "Otitlnu" cnlondar Is uniform In size nnd
stylo with tiio "Century Olrl" nnd mny bo bad upon
tho pnrno terms. Don't forgot tho coupon and don't
wait until nil nro none before you order Address
CUT OUT
THIS COUPON
Present nt lleo Olllco
or mull with l!e and net
this beautiful Art Calen
dar. When ordering by
in (t 1 1 ndd le for postiiKo.
IIT IH'.l'.Ml I'MI'.N I',
itici: chiilisiiim;
CO., OMAHA.
ART DEPARTMENT
The Bee Publishing Co., Omaha, Neb.