Exhilarating Fun and Frolic at the Policemen's Picnic
It was tho hottest day of tho year to date,
but moro fun than a Jolly lot of "coppers"
coulU shako their sticks at. Tho outlug of
tho Omaha Metropolitan Police Keller asso
ciation nt Sarpy Mills has passed Into his
tory us tho mvrrlcat, happiest and most
Jovial spread of all.
Tho recent rains had swollen tho creeks
to overflowing and tho grounds ubout tho
old mill we.ro muddy, but not wet enough to
dampen tho enthusiasm of nbout a thousand
picnickers with well tilled lunch baskets
who had left tho busy city for an outing.
More than 2.CO0 tickets had been sold, but
tho thousand who responded got their
money's worth.
Buxom, rosy-cheeked girls with their best
beaus were out for a good tlmo nnd they
didn't care who knew It. Sumo wore their
prettiest summer dresses, with whlto stock
ings nnd whlto slippers, while others came
In golf skirts nnd heavy shoes. The sand
wich man hail anticipated an abnormal thirst
and guessed right the very first tlmo by
doing a rushing business In pink lemonade
und brown soda pop with the young
sters, whllo a dczm lugs ol the amber liquid
failed to satisfy tho thirst of tho older
crowd. As the sun climbed In the sky the
collars and ties weto cast aside and coats
hung on tho nearest tree.
After luncheon tho athletic eventB were
opened by tho illustrious Daniel Baldwin,
whom our artist has caught In a typical at
tltude. Tho fun began with a 100-yard dash,
followed by a ladles' foi t race, with a dozen
vigorous girls lined up for fifty yurds down
tho cinder path. Hilly Klerstead almost
burst a-laughlng when threo of them got so
tangled up In their skirts that they had to
bite tho dust. Dan Baldwin put the shot
so far tho rest couldn't roach him and Henry
Dunn hit tho bull's eye fifty-nine times out
of a possible sixty, rango fifty feet, with
Captain Her second. Mrs. Crolghton win
tho ladles' pistol shcot with Mrs. Henry
Dunn second. H. Welsenberg had tho ma
jority ns tho homeliest and Jolllest police
man, little Miss Hattlo Luckowltz captur
ing a cut glass dish from tho girls.
Jako Rosenthal and Arthur Metis looked
tho sweetest, while Adam Morrell and Harry
Haskell were much worried nbout tho
weather. Cora Heckwith wished for n cool,
clear lake and Judge Cooley rushed tho can.
Thcro wero no tights, no accidents and noth
ing dull about It.
Bunch of Short Stories
A determined woman from tho west vlsltrd
Washington not long ago for tho purpose
of Interviewing a member of tho cabinet on
a subject of interest to hor. She called, as
It happened, Just at tho tlmo whon the
frauds In tho Cuban postal department wore
mado public and tho majority of the presi
dent's advisers, absorbed In considering tho
matter, had given Instructions that they
wero not to bo disturbed.
"So you rofuso to tnko my card to tho
secretary?" nsked tho determined woman of
tho messenger.
"It would bo against my orders and I
don't dnro to," replied tho mcssongcr, po
litely. Tho visitor turned away in high dudgeo i.
but a happy thought occurred to her and
sho retraced her steps. "Here, my man,"
sho said, Insinuatingly, "hero Is CO cents.
Now will you take my card In?"
"I'm paid a bigger salary than that to
keep your card out, madam," responded tho
dnrky, shaking his head.
Mr. Kocd's contempt for tho tennto w..s
well known and has been widely commented
upon, relates the New York Tribune. Apro
pos of this tho following story was told at
ono of the New York up-town clubs th
other night:
Just before tho adjournment of tho last
congress In which Mr. Hoed sorved as
speaker ho was approached by a member
who begged to bo recognized that ho mlgl.t
call up a certain monsuro In which ho was
Interested.
"I would not ask you," explalnod tho
member, "but tho bill is nil right and
passed tho senate without a dissent ng
voice."
"Hid It, really?" nsked Mr. Heed, scorn
fully. "Well, then, that's tho very reason
it should not pass the house," and It did
not pats at that session.
"It was during tho silver nnd gold cam
paign of 1SW1," says a writer In the July
Success, "that an Indiana congrojsman
cuino homo from a tour of speechmaking for
Mr. McKlnloy. Ho wus glad to got homo to
his vlne-clnd cottage; glnd to get away from
ui.n. Amu !! i H13 C1IIEK0K POLICE" Photo by Louis It, llostwlck
tho court, each claiming ownership to a hen
worth ubout 25 cents. "Josoy" heard the
evidence and reserved decision. That oven
lug at sunset ho appeared with tho dul)
accredited olllccrs of the court and with the
subject of debate shut In a box In the road
boforo tho houses of thu claimants. Just at
roosting tlmo ho turned Ulddy louse; bIio
shook her feathers and mado straight fur
her own perch. "Yuu get tho hen," said
"Joscy" to tho successful claimant, "nnd 1
assess you $5 costs, Judgment suspended
until you como Into court again."
"What makes you think that ho Is In
sauo?" said ono Detroit nttorney to another,
who wero discussing their client in a heart-to-heart
talk.
"Why, tho idiot actually wanted to plead
guilty."
TWENTY MINUTES KOIt UEKItESHMEN TS Photo by Louis H. Hostwlclc.
tho never-ending discussion of tho coinage clull( Mr i.ut,mnj asked him whether ho had
of sliver at tho ratio of sixteen to one. Ho over been through all tho departments of the
wanted to bo freo from tho hated question, institution.
for a week at least. "j. noven' hnvCi but rd ko to seo ,( ., ro.
ins u-your-oiu gin, a winsomo anu in- pud tho politician.
telligent miss, ran to meet him, leaving her
playmate at tho gate. This plnymato was
tho -1-year-old daughter of a democratic
nolghlor, un active politician named Schultz.
" 'Oh, papa,' said tho eongressman's
daughter, clasping his neck, '1 havo some
thing dreadful to tell you!'
" 'Why, what is It, my dear?' ho replied,
tenderly patting her head. 'You lmvon't
hurt yourself, havo you?'
" 'Oh, no; It's worso than that.'
" 'You'ro mamma's nil right, ain't she?'
" 'Yes, yes; but this is something awful;
I hate to tell you.'
" 'Hut you must tell mo or I shall bo
frlghtoned. Thero, there, don't cry; toll
mo tho worst at once.'
"The llttlo ono dried her eyes and, bend
ing to his ear, whispered, tragically:
"Bnbo Schultz is for silver!'"
Whon Mr. Putnam wns tho head of tho
public library In Boston, relates Collier's
eekly, r. ward leader ot thai city called
on him to recommend a henchman for a
placo In tho library.
Thcro was no reason why tho librarian
should not havo refused at onco nnd peremp
torily to nppolnt him, but ho choso to fol
low another course.
After n few minutes' tnlk with the ,o.:tI-
"It will glvo mo much pleasure to go with
you," said Mr. Putnam.
Mr. Putnam took him behind tho counters
nnd through tho building from top to bot
tom, explaining the chnractor und tho mng
nltudo ot tho work In detail. Ho further
polutcd out, without seeming to do ho, tho
varied duties of tho employes nnd tho attain
ments they must possess to do tho work.
When tho tour wns ended, Mr. Putnam said:
"I'm plensed to havo had a chanco to
show tho library to you ami If your friend
will fill out nn application blank und send
It, and If ho passes tho necessary examina
tion, I think there will bo no ilifllculty In
placing his name on tho waiting, list."
Tho politician, however, had seen onougU
of library work to convlnco lilm that his
constituent could find no place on tho stnff
and tho blank, was never filled out. Hut,
to tho dny ho loft Boston, Mr. Putnam had
no wanner ndmlrcr in that city than this
ward leader.
Told Out of Court
Toxas hn3 a Solomon in the person of
Justlco I. P. Krnnklln of Hrowuvllle, known
to tho inhabitants ns "Josoy." Hecently two
women, next-door neighbors, camo before
A horso from u livery stable died soon
after it was returned and tho man who
hired it was sued for damages. The ques
tion turned largely upou tho reputation of
tho defendant us n hard rider, reports Col
lier's Weokly.
Thu stable boy was called us tne Ural
witness.
"How dooi tho defendant usually ride?"
"Astraddle, sir."
"No, no," said tho lawyor. "I mean, does
ho usually walk, or trot, or gallop?"
"Well," said tho witness, apparently
searching in thu depths ot his memory for
facts, "when ho rides a walkin' horse, he
walks; when ho rldea a 'truttln' horse, ho
trots; and when ho rides u galloplu' home,
ho gallops; when "
The lawyer Interposed: "I want to know
at what paco tho defendant usually gois
fast or slow."
"Well," said tho witness, "when ills com
pauy rides fast, ho rides fust; and when
his company rides slow, ho rides slow."
"Now, I want to know, sir," the lawyer
said, drawing u lung breath, "how the de
fendant rides when ho is alone."
"Well," said tho witness, very slowly,
"when ho was nlono I wurn't there, so 1
don't ki'ow."
There must bu truth In this story, for it is
told In thu Kreo ProBs by a voracious Do
troltor who wus in northern Alabama look
ing at some of tho rich mineral lands located
there.
"Am yo' guilty o' not guilty?" nsked tho
colored Justice of thu peace, whoso head
looked like a cotton ball nnd whoso eyes
glared sternly at tho prisoner over a big
pair of steel-framed spectacles.
"Not guilty, sail," responded tho prisoner.
"I neber did IIP deni tu'keys, you' honah."
It was clearly fdiown that ho had stolen
tho turkeys, but tho defense went right to
work putting up ono of tho most romark
ablo alibis on record. Seven men, all living
in different parts of tho section, mado
BELLE OK TDK I'OI.U IOMKN s PICNIC
Phot ) by Lull l,i It Hoslulik
solemn oath that tho accused was visiting
their respective homes at thu preelsu hour
and mluutu of tho alleged theft.
"Am do defense) rested?" asked tho sable
representative of Justice.
"I reckon I inus'," nnsuuicd the jirlsoner,
who was conducting his own cane. "I gib
dat shlf'less Pete Clayton ton' bltH to como
an' bwu' dut I wu' at his housu, too, but
he'll nubcr ea'n no money (111 duy glls to
payln' fo' Bleepln'."
Tho prosecution pointed out the rouclu
hIvo ovldoncc ot guilt and tho Impossibility
of tho prisoner's bulng nt seven different
places nt ono nnd thu sanio time, but thu
Justlco took tho caao from llio Jury.
"I am morally eertlug dat do 'cused stole
dum birds, hut I am hen' fo' to 'boy do laws
oh ev'denco, oven ef do bright offugeranco
ob ck'lty lie iibblltuated. DIh prisoner could
not been pesto'ln' at dat coop when ho was
'Joy In' hcHolf In 'bout nil do houses In do
decstrick. Do piimnmh um dUchnrged wlil
do pribolego from do cou'l to make bccIi
settlement fo' du tu'koys as nm mutuality
'greeablo to both pa'tles."
JUDOE JULIUS S. COOLEY IN A CHAItAC
TEHISTIC POSE Photo by Louis It.
Uostwlck.
WOMAN'S GO-YAItD DASH Photo by Louis It, Bostwlck.
DAN BALDWIN M A ST 10 1 1 OK CHUN
MONIES AT THE POLICEMEN'S PICNIC
Photo by Louis U. Bostwlck.