December 21 , ISO ! ) . OMAHA ILLITSTKATI3D
Bunch of Short Stories
Mr. Reed hnd a great mornl Influence over
the members , nnd , whether willingly or un
willingly , they were wont to obey his re-
tquests. Ono afternoon , when the house
lacked n quorum , relates the New York
Tribune , one of Its messengers was dis
patched to hunt up nn M. C. nt Harvey's , a
famous restnurnut In town.
"Tho speaker would like to have you
como up to the house , as there Is no
quorum , " said the mes-sengcr to the mem-
'ber , who was found enjoying a broiled lob
ster with n visiting constituent.
"You tell the speaker to go to the devil , "
said the diner ; "I'm going to finish my
lobster. "
r "Very well , sir , " assented the messen
ger , "I will do so , " nnd ho left the room
hurriedly ; but ns soon ns his back was
turned the belligerent member rushed down
by the back stairs , through n side door into
n cab , nnd was up at the house long before
the arrival of the messenger.
A better story is told by the Washington
Postof _ n member of the last congress , who
enjoyed the ruputntlon of being nble to
drink more whisky without showing it than
nny other man In the house. It told on him
in other \\ajs , however.
Ono day ho visited a barber slrp for the
purpose of getting his hair cut , nnd was
ministered unto by a colored artist , who
made two or three attempts at discourse on
different subjects , finally remarking that
his customer was by no means the only dis
tinguished man who had ocupled that par
ticular chair.
"I suppose not , " grunted the congress
man.
"There was Daniel Webster , sah , " said
the negro , starting in on the shampoo.
"Ho has done sot In this chair dozens of
times. "
"Indeed , " replied the customer.
"You remind mo very much of him , sah. "
"In what respect ? " asked the statesman ,
waking up. "In the shape of my head. "
"No , sah. "
"In my manner of speaking ? "
"No , sah. "
"In what way , then , do I resemble the
Immortal Daniel ? "
"In your breff , sah. "
One of the best things which has cocne
out about the late Vice President Hobart
Is that he was able to cut the ground out
from under Matt Quay's feet at the time
he was nominated. Quay had first sug
gested him as a candidate and pledged him
the Ponnsylvnnla vote in the convention.
Hobart conferred with McKinley and de
cided to go after the nomination , but realiz
ing that politicians of the Quay stripe are
unreliable ho secured sufficient strength outside -
side of Pennsylvania to insure his nomina
tion and did it so quietly that Quay's
suspicions were never aroused. The sequel
to the story wns told by Mr. Hobart last
summer ns follows :
"Tho next meeting between Quny and my
self occurred In St. Louis on the 17th of
June , 19C , ns I remember it. I was ill in
my rrjom at the Southern hotel when Quay
cam < v lo see me.
r - ' ' 'Hobart , ' said Quay , 'you remember my
promise made on a railway train early this
year ? '
"I recalled It vividly.
" 'Well , Hobart , my friend , I'm sorry I
won't bo able to keep It ; there are certain
reasons which compel mo to place the Penn
sylvania vote elsewhere. '
" 'That's all right , Quay. Go ahead and do
as ycu please with your votes. I want to
say to you , however , before you leave this
room , that I don't need your votes. I'm
nominated without them. '
"Well , sir , " continued Hobart , laughingly ,
"do you know , this took Quny clear off his
feet. Ho was almost speechless , dumfounded -
founded , amazed. Ho had been scheming
with Platt to nominate Morton again.
Henry Mayer , the international cartoon
ist , was enlarging upon the advantages of
war In bis most exuberantly grotesque man
ner at Verroy'c the other night , says a
London letter. "This war , nt any rate , "
said he , "has Increased the number of words
In use In the language. Wo now read in the
papers of kopjes and veldts , and kraals , and
treks , and kloofs , and spruits. Now , that's
what I call enlarging and enriching the
vocabulary of the vernacular. Those words
GROUP OP EMPLOYES AT NEW UNION DEPOT , OMAHA.
will stick In our throats and adhere to our
tongues , even when the war Is over. The
other day 1 was In a restaurant. Opposite
me sat an old gentleman. I watched him
closely. Ho was meditatively trying with
the point of his knife to head off the retreat
of a chunk of gorgouzola , which was trek
king across his plate.
"Waiter ! " suddenly exclaimed the old
gentleman.
"Yes , sir , " promptly answered the me
nial.
"Waiter , " pursued the old gentleman ,
"when was the last census taken in this
cheese ? "
A conspicuous figure In the house on
opening day , reports the New York Tribune ,
was the former speaker , Mr. Heed , who
looked with eager interest at the scene In
which ho had so recently played a leading
part.
"Where Is Mrs. need ? " asked an old friend
of the "Czar" whom he encountered In the
house lobby.
"She has no more use for politics than I
have , " responded Mr. Heed.
"And have you no further use for them ? "
asked his friend.
"No , " said Mr. Reed. "I've given up
politics and am going to become a bishop
and Ho souls Into heaven. "
Representative McClellan of New York is
ono of the best story tellers in the house ,
reports the Washington Post , and he regales
some of his friends occasionally with choice
anecdotes. Since Speaker Reed left con
gress Mr. McClellan delights to toll the
bright things the great czar is forever say
ing. According to his latest In this line ,
he met Mr. Reed one day not long ago on
Broadway.
"How do you do , Mr. Speaker , " said Mr.
McClellan.
"I am not Mr. Speaker any longer , " said
Mr. Reed , in his lazy , drawling voice.
"Then , how do you do , Mr. Reed , " con
tinued Mr. McClellan , with a military wave
of the hand.
Mr. Reed returned the salutation.
"What do you think of politics ? " naked
Mr. McClellan.
"I am not thinking of politics , " an
swered Mr. Reed , in the same character of
voice. "I am a reformer now , and a re
former has nothing to do but make money. "
Some time ago n passenger train In Ari
zona left the rails , rolled down the brink
and landed in three iVet of muddy water at
the bottom of the river bed. Within the
cars there was some natural confusion.
Men , women and lunchboxes were thrown
into a heap and not an umbrella or parcel
was loft In the racks. Ono by ono too
occupants of the rear car extricated them
selves from the mass and sought fcr means
of escape , while stanching various wounds
caused by broken glass. Every exit was
k
FIRST ILLINOIS CENTRAL PASSENGER TRAIN LEAVING COUNCIL BLUFFS
SUNDAY , DECEMBER 17 DEPOT FOUNDATION IN FRONT Photo by Loula
R. Bostwlck.
Jammed tight. Just then in the midst of
the doubt and confusion rose a woman's
voice In emphatic demand : "Let mo out !
Let mo out ! If you don't lot mo out I'll
break a window ! "
Real Christmas Children
WILLIAM DENNETT FOSTER , DORN DE
CEMBER 2f , 1807 SON OF W. B. FOS
TER , -1226 DOUGLAS STREET , OMAHA.
HARRY n. PAYNE , HORN DECEMBER
2C , 1880 SON OF ANTHONY PAYNE ,
212 SOUTH TWENTY-FIFTH STREET ,
OMAHA.
About Noted People
A humorous touch In connection with
Lafcadlo Hearn'o naturalization as a
Japanese wan the reduction of his profes
sional salary from 150 to 50 yon a month.
As a foreigner ho drew a larger salary than
the native instructors , but at the dinner In
celebration of his change of nationality the
president of the university rose and observed
that now that Prof. Hcarn had become ono
of them the 'ast insidious distinction would
bo removed by cutting down his salary.
And the American-born profousor tried to
look OH though he enjoyed it.
Senator Allison , speaking of Speaker
Henderson as a soldier , says ; "When told
that the leader of a student band nf recruits
wanted to sou me , I asked that he bo shown
in , and n tall , clean-limbed , clear-eyed
youngster entered , He had n lot of recruits
with him , and ho said his name was Hender
son. I looked at the recruits : they were
all right. Henderson had not only brought
UIOHO boys In on his own responsibility , but
bo had done It with almost no expense to
any ono ; his enthusiasm liad' been HO In
fectious that the farmers had been glad to
feed and transport them free. "
There Is talk now that Mrs. Mattlo Hughes
Cannon , who has already served an a wtate
senator in Utah , may bo elected a me/nbcr
of the United States' senate from that ate ,
which happens Jtist now to have a vacancy
This would bo regarded by the Mormons as
a "vindication" of Roberts , especially bince
Mrs. Cannon holds steadfastly to the early
tenets of the. Latter Day Saints. George
Friable Hoar has expressed the opinion that
nothing In the constitution forbids the ad
mission of women to the senate of the
United States.
James P. Reed , who was at one time cham
pion checker player of the world , died the
other day In PHtflburg , of which cl * lie wn
n native. "Ho began playing checkers , " sayo
the Plttsburg Dispatch , "when he was 14
years old. Hut it was not until Robert
Martin of Scotland , formerly champion of
the world , passed through Plttsburg that
Reed became any way well known. 'Ihat was
In 187G. They played several friendly games
and Martin had rather the better of them ,
but Reed was the only man west of the
Allegheny mountain ) * who had been able to
win a game from him. " Ho played in Great
Britain In 1S87. Ho defeated Barker , the
champion of the United States , In l S'J. ' and
the next year a match was arranged in-tweeti
him nnd James Wylllo of Scotland , the cham
pion of the world. For some rc.iMin the
Scotchman failed to play and Reed's friends
therefore claimed the world championship for
him.
Mr. Julian Ralph In n letter dated Capo
Town gives a glimpse of Sir Alfred Milnor
us ho appeared nt the height of the crisis.
The writer , who called upon the high com
missioner , says the vlolt was exceedingly
brief because Sir Alfred Is working sixteen
hours a day. "Ho shows the consequence of
his toll In a face and frame so thinned that
his friends In London would scarcely know
him. Care , too , has written Ito lines deeply
upon his faco. He makes such an Impression
upon a visitor that not even n Little Eng-
landcr who saw him hero could carry criti
cism very far In writing of him afterward.
His modesty Is his most remarkable char
acteristic and next to that , I think , one
notices his earnestness and the degree to
which his mind Is concentrated upon the
situation around him. In the ; iy of his
features and volco ono notes a great measure
of Kindliness and sympathy. These , with t
modicum of humor thrown In are the chief
Ingredients in what Is called 'tact , ' so that
you cannot sco him , talk to him or bo with
him without feeling that since diplomacy has
failed to relieve- the tension hero and war
has followed It cannot have been the fault
of so gentle , so self-possessed and calm a
man. "
Christmas Bits
From Dickens
Christmas tlmo again !
Clear away , my lads , and let's have loti i
of room hero !
Of all the good days In the year on i
Christmas eve.
Why , It's old Fczzlwlg ! niefas his heart ;
It' Fezzlwlg !
The day arrived. A day to make home )
doubly home. To give the chimney corner
new delights. Such a wild wintry day as i
brat prepares the wny for shut-out night ,
for curtained rooms nnd cheerful looks ; for
numlo , laughter , dancing , lights nnd Jovial
entertainment.
I'll keep my ClulHtmns humor to the last.
So , n moiry Chrlstmnn , undo !
God bless you , merry gentlemen ; may
nothing you dlsmnyl
The happiness ho gives Is qulto as grout
as If It cost n fortune.
All the boys were In great spirits nml
shouted to each other until the brond fields
were full of merry music.
There was n boy singing a ClirlHtnuiH carol
nt my door Inst night. 1 should llko to have
given him something.
There's the parrot I green body nnd yellow
tail , with a thing like luttuco growing out
of the top of his head ; there he 1st Hallon !
whoop ! Halloo !
Yo ho , my boys ! No more work tonight ;
Christmas eve , Dick ! Christmas , Ebonozer !
Let's Imvo thu ( shuttera up before n man can
K y Jack Robinson !
In came Mrs. Fezzlwlg , ono vast , substan
tial smile. In came the three Miss l"e/.zl-
wlgs , beaming and lovaWo. In came the nix
young followura whosu hoaits they broke.
There was an nlr of cheerfulness abroad
that the clearest summer air or brightest
summer sun might Imvo endeavored to dlf-
fiiBo In vain.
On the threshold of the door the Spirit
smiled , , nnd stopped to blesa Bob Crntchlt's
| dwelling with the sprinkling of his torch.
Apples and oranges were put upon thn
table and n shovelful of chestnutu on the
lire. Then nil the Cratchlt family drew
round the hearth.
But every man nmong them hummed a
Christmas tune , or had a Christmas thought ,
or spoke below his breath to his companion
of some bygone Christinas day.
Ho looked so Irresistibly pleasant that
three or four good-humored fellows said :
"Good morning , air ; a merry Christmas to
you ! "
I don't know anything. I'm qulto a baby.
Never mind ! I don't care. I'd rather bo a
baby. Halloo ! Whoop ! Halloo !
Pile up the fire hero ! Lot it shine upon
the holly till It winks again ! It's n world
of nonsense all nonsense ! but we'll he
nonsensical with the rest of 'em and give
our true lover a mad welcome !
It was always said of him that ho knew
how to keep Christmas well , If any man
allvo possessed the knowledge. May that be
truly said of us , nnd of all of us.
Cheer up ! Don't glvo way ! A now heart
for a Now Year alwnys !
I'm glad to think wo had mufflus. It's the
sort of a night that's meant for muffins.
Likewise crumpets. Also , Sally Luuns.
Though it has never put a scrap of gold or
silver in my pocket , I bellovo that It has
done mo good , and will do mo good ; and 1
say , God bless It !
Holly , mistletoe , red berries , Ivy , turkeys ,
geese , game , poultry , brawn , moat , plga ,
sausages , oysters , pie , puddings , fruit and
punch.
"Oh , " said Trotty , "pleaso to play up
there , will you have the goodness ? "
A merry Christmas to us all , my dears.
God bless us. "God bless us , everyone , "
said Tiny Tim.
I will honor Christmas In my heart and
try to keep It nil the year. I will live In
thu past , the present and the future. The
spirits of all three shall thrive within me.
I will not shut out the lessons that they
teach.
CHRISTMAS SHOPPERS AT THE MAMMOTH STORE OF W R. BENNETT ,
OMAHA.
