TITE OMATTA DATLT IlKTJt MOXDAY , ,7.\XtTVHV ! > , 18)0. ! )
COUNCIL BLUFFS.
MI.MMl M
lUmllton's ihoe itora , 412
Mm. C. H. Judson Is Kick.
Btockert Carpet Co. , 203-207 Dwjr.
Mooro's food kills worms nnil fattcni.
Iowa Furnltiiro ft Carpet Co. JOT H'way.
Horn ! To Mr. aud Mrs. James Mnlonc , a
daughter.
J. D. flrlfTUh of Den Molncs was In the
City yesterday.
C. n. Jftcfiuerain ft Co. , Jewelers and op
ticians , 27 South Main street.
C. I * Wlatt of Hamburg , la. , was In the
city ycoterday stalling friends.
MM. li. G. Amy , 537 Fifth avenue , IB suf
fering from a stroke of apoplexy , and her
recovery 1 * despaired of.
J. V. Habcock , a prominent grain dealer
Of Ida drove , la. , was In the city yesterday ,
on his way homo from a trip out wctt.
J. C. Blxbjr , heating and sanitary engineer.
Plans and specification * for hcAtlne , plumbIng -
Ing and lighting. 202 Main. Council Bluff * .
MlflS Clara Swnnson , who baa been vloltlng
her brother , Police/ Officer 8w arson , and
family , left for her homo In Onawa last
evening.
They had not met for years. "You have
chrugtd , " she murmured. "Yes , " said Al-
entnon , "I now send all my work to the
Eagle laundry , 724 Broadway.
The matter of releasing the signers on
School TrenHUrer Da\ls' bond will come up
before the regular monthly meeting of the
Board of Education next Monday night.
The mnrrlago of Mr. C. Jensen and Mies
Emma Hanson. daughter of Jacob Hanson ,
member of the Board of County Supervisors ,
takes place Tuesday at the residence of the
brldn'n parents In Hazel Dell township.
J. M. Thomas , an old-time printer of this
city , has entered , the Chllds-Drexel homo
for union printers at Colorado Springs ,
Itheumatlnm , from which ho has been a
sufferer for several jears past , Incapacitated
him from "balding canes" any longer.
Miss Beatrice Tlnley left for New York
last evening , wbero she will enter the Hello
? uu Hospital Training School for Nurses. A
number of the membcrn ofthe Woman's
Sanitary Relief Commission , of which Miss
Tlnley had been secretary and treasurer
elcco Itfl organization , were at the depot to
6eo her off.
The congregation of the Broadway Metho-
diet church him elected the- following nlll-
cers : Superintendent of Sunday school ,
Jacob Slmn ; assistant superintendent , Mrs.
J. H. Arthur ; secretaries , Mrs. Leonard and
Miss Keren Woods ; librarians , Low Is Whitehead -
head and Leo Baldwin ; treasurer , J. H.
Arthur ; chorlstere , Prof. Clifford , Minnie
IlaDKco and May Caldwell ; organists , Jennie
Tile and Laura McFadden.
The regular monthly meeting of the
Board of Trustees of the public library Is
called for this afternoon. The special com
mittee to which was referred the matter of
devising some plan whereby the running ex
pense * of the Institution can bo decreased
is expected to make a report. What the
committee will recommend Is not known ,
but It Is understood that It will suggest that
a reduction In the number of employes be
made. Ilev. Father Smyth of St. Framcle
Xavlor's church will succeed Ilev. L. P.
McDonald , former rector of St. Paul's
Episcopal church , on the board.
Mrs. Nettle F. Ward , wife of Frederick
W. Ward , died yesterday morning at her
residence , 1802 Avenue F , of heart disease ,
aged 45 years. Mrs. Ward was a sister of
Barzillal France , who died t St. Bernard's
hospital Saturday and whoeo funeral waste
to have been held this afternoon from the
residence of his slater , Mrs. Charles Bailey ,
EOT South Sixth street. Owing to the denth
of Mrs. Ward the date has been changed I
and both the funerals of Mrs. Ward and
nor brother will bo held tomorrow afternoon
at 2 o'clock from the late residence of the
former on Avenue F. The services will bo
conducted by Rev. R. Venting of the First
Baptist church and Interment will bo In
Walnut Hill cemetery.
N. T. Plumbing company. Tel. 250.
Grnpc Grower * to Meet.
The annual meeting of the Council Bluffs
Grape Growers' Shipping association will beheld
held Saturday morning at 10 o'clock In
Far iers' hall at the county courthouse. The
cla ion of ameers will take place * and the
rol Ang officers -will submit their reports
lathe last year.
ELECTRICITY CURES |
Most of tlio frnrful ailments of llfo
cnn bo traced to u < lc > ranKeiiu > nt of tlie
nervous hystoin , generally originating 1
diseases of the gctiatlvo organs. Kvory
Hiiftcier wants a cure that will elloct a
euro in the easiest , quickest and least
public manner ; therefore , I do not outer
upon a lengthy discussion and longwinded -
winded treatise n to the cause of your
trouble , resorted to by quacks , who only
do BO to con
found a n d
t rlghton y o u.
\ You are prob
ably well aware
of the e.iuse of
y o u r present
G a It n c K H.
/A ) ; Drugs and the
X fcVjUii V , o r d I n a r y
courses of
.1. . . . . . .n \v.il
not cure you
probably y o n
nre aware of '
this faet , to
your borrow.
E 1 o c t r 1 c Ity
will speedily
safely and
surely cure you
, * - < > ' " ! and well
again n n d 1
'
vviU guarantee
It , If yon will
up ply this Im
portant element
of life through
the agency of
D n. n is N-
NT/ITS BMC- :
THIO BELT. Klectrlelty Is the Nerve
mid Vital Force of every man anil
woman , and without It you could not
live a moment. When theio Is a lack ol :
this Electricity or Nerve Force In thr
system , you can never be well and
trong again until It la again supplied.
Nature will not supply It , for Nature has
boon Imposed upon and refuses to act.
I will forfeit $1,000 if my Efectrte Belt does
not generate a genuine current of Electricity
that you can Immediately feel Is four tlmea
tronger than any other belt on earth , ,
Trices of Belts only $8 and $10. Has soft
silken , chamois-covered sponge electrode :
( hat cannot burn and blister as do the bare
rectal electrodes used on all other makes
.
of belts. I guarantee my Belt tocurc Semi
nal Impotency , Lost Manhood , Spermator
rhoea , V rlcocelo and General Debility ;
restore Shrunken and Undeveloped Parts
cure Rheumatism In any form , Kidney
Liver and Bladder Troubles , Constipation
Dyspepsia , all Female Complaints , etc.
Call upon or write me today sacrcdlj
confidential do not delay , delajs are dan-
.
porous got symptom blanks , boks and lit
erature. Consultation and ad\lco wlthoul
cost. My ELECTRICAL SUSPENSORY fet
the cure of the various weaknesses of men
is given FREE to every male purchaser ol
one of my Belts. Sold only by
Of , Bennett Electric Co , ,
Roams 20 and 21 Douglas Block ,
16th and Dodge Sts , Oinniin.
Open 8:30 : a. in. to 8:30 : p. in. and
11 day Sunday.
1IMO If IT 1TP/MITP\T IP PAltllTP
MRS , VAN VhCIIThN IS COMING
Local Members to Entertain President of the
Iowa Federation ,
PLANS FOR THE RECEPTION ARE OUTLINED
Afternoon nnil Kirnlnif < < > He ( Siren
Over In MiiUInu I IKMln > - of the
DlnlliiKillKlH'il ( Input One
ItiMiiiil of I'li-nnttre.
Mrs Van Vechten of Cedar Rapids , presi
dent of the Iowa Federation of Women's
clubs , will pay Council Bluffs a visit the
latter part of thU week. The members of
the local clubs are preparing to entertain
their distinguished guest.
Principal among the entertainments BO far
planned Is a reception to bo tendeted Mrs.
Van Vechten I'rlday afternoon and evening
at the Bloomer school building by the mem-
ben ot the Ideal club. This reception will
have a two-fold object. H Is Intended to
afford an opportunity to the people of this
city , and especially the members of the
\arlous women's organizations , to meet the
distinguished woman wiio will be the guest
of honor and also to assist In the furnishing
of pictures and art pieces for the corridors
of the Bloomer school building.
The reception will be held on the third
noor , which has been lately reconstructed
and Is well adapted to accommodate n largo
crowd. The building will be elaborately
decorated throughout with works of art ,
palms and potted flowers. The following
program has been decided upon for the
event.
Trom 2 30 o'clock to 4 o'clock the pupils
of the various schools of the city will bo
recehed and not only will bo afforded an
opportunity to meet Mrs. Van Vechten , butte
to listen to an address from her. A class
of grade school pupils under the charge of
Miss Lucille I'orterflold , the supervisor of
music , will render a number of songs
Prom 4 to C:30 : o'clock a general reception
will bo given club members and all others
wishing to meet the president of the state
federation.
The evening's program will consist of a
general reception from 7'30 to 10:30 : o'clock
when a number ofocal and Instrumental
numbers and short addressee A' 111 be given ,
The program will bo as follows : Instru
mental music , Miss Maud Gavin ; address
Hon. Jacob Sims , member Board of
Education , on "What Art Has Done for
Schools of Other Cities , " Master Henry
Jennings will glvo a description of the
"Circus Maxims , " based on two weeks' '
Htudy ; Instrumental solo , Miss Faye Travis
song , Miss Cyrllla Brndon of Lake Charles
La. ! address by Mrs. Van Vechten on "Ar
In the School Room and School Room
Decoration ; " song , Mis ? Jessie Wallace
piano selection , Miss Mona Reed.
Per cent off on water bills until January 10 ,
Office open Saturday and Tuesday evenings ,
Snap Shots aK go at 10 cents each at th
Council Bluffs office of The Bee.
TEST FBDCHAI. IIANKKUPTOY IAW ,
IntcrcMtltiR Cn e Ilroniflit Up Ileforc
Mnync
A question Involving the Jurisdiction o
the federal and state courts over the asset
of a firm or person declared bankrupt wll
como up for argument before Referee Mayni
this week. The question arises In the mat
ter of the Involuntary bankruptcy proceed
Ings instituted by a number of creditors
against the flrm of Grantz & Glee of
Walnut.
The question of the Jurisdiction of tb <
two courts Is of the greatest Importanc
because the result will determine to a con
sldcrnble extent the efficiency of the federa
bankruptcy law. In the case at bar Grant
& Glee gave a chattel mortgage on thel
property to tlio German bank of Walnu
| Immediately prior to the bankruptcy pro
cecdlngs brought against them by several o
their creditors. The bank Instituted fore
closure proceedings on the chattel mort
gage In the district court and a receive
was appointed to take charge of the firm'
assets.
Upon the petition of the creditors , -wh
commenced proceedings In the federal court ,
the firm was declared bankrupt and nt a
meeting of the creditors W. E. Haverstock
of this city was appointed trustee. When
however. Trustee Haverstock undertook to
secure possession of the firm's property he
found It In charge of the receiver appointed
by the district court and the latter refused
to turn It over to the trustee. Mr. Haver
stock Immediately applied to the federal
court for an order giving him possession
of the property. Deere , Wells & Company
and the German bank of Walnut both filed
pleadings In resistance , setting up that be
cause of the prior proceedings In the district
court the federal court had no jurisdiction
to Issue the order asked. The first round
In the contention was fought out Saturday ,
wfien the motion of the Walnut bank to have
the trustee set out and divide Into counts
the petition filed by him and asking for the
striking out of parts of the causes of action
was argued before Referee Mayne and sus
tained by him. The contention over the
. possession of the firm's assets will bo tried
before Mr. Majno some day this week.
, Both sides have secured eminent legal talent
and the Lssuo will bo hotly contested. U Is
the first question of Its kind to come up In
this district since the bankruptcy law went
Into effect and the result Is being vvatctoed
with much Interest.
Davis sells drugs.
Klie
Per cent off on water bills unlll January 10.
- Office open Saturday and Tuesday evenings.
-
TnUo I'p llnllronil Orilliiniieo * .
The city council will meet this evening
as a committee of the whole to consider
the two ordinances submitted by the Fort
Dodge & Omaha Railway company , granting
i the right ot way through certain streets and
. alleys and providing for the vacation by
the city of certain avenues and alleys. The
committee will listen to any objections that
citizens may desire to make to the passage
of these two measures , and It Is understood
that several will bo tiled ,
It Is possibly that If It his time the com-
mlttee may take up the Hublnger company
,
franchises , as the committee to which they
were referred Is prepared to report on thu
°
two for gas and electric light plants. The
Impression prevailed among the city of-
"
ficlals ttat the Hublnger company had
*
about decided to quit the field so far as
1 Council Iluffs was concerned , but this Is
1 evidently not the case. A well known
" business man of the city received a letter
' from R. U. Craig , the Hublnger company's
representative , In which he stated ho will
be In the Illuffs this week and Intends to
"
try to get some definite action by the coun
cil on the franchises.
Uluff City laundry , 'phone 311. "Never
crack your collars "
Remember the exposition by getting
copies of Snap Shots at the Council Dlufti
office of The Bee. Ten cents each.
Ilfllff for Worthy Poor.
Major Jennings and other city officials
have discovered a section of the Iowa code
which makes it Imperative on the overseer
of the poor to furulsli relief to every
worthy person asking It , whether that per
son bo a resident of the city or not , The
rtty omclntrt sny thit Ovcrrccr Jftcknon 1ms
on fioviTal nccnnlotiK declined to funilih ff .
lief , us the ixirty for whom It * ns inked WHH
not A bono fide rolJpnt of the city , The
section of the rode which thp illy au
thorities sny give * the overseer no discretion
In the matter in No , 2225 and reads as fol
low A :
"A person coming from another state and
not having become a clttren of nor having
a settlement In the slnte , applying for re
lief , tnny be sent to the state whence lie
came , at the expense of the county under
nn order of the district court or Judge ,
otherwise ho Is to be temporarily relieved
In the county where he applies. "
I'Hr
Per cent off on water bills until January 10.
Office open Saturday ant * Tuesday evenings.
The grip Is hero and Davis' drug store Is
the bent place to find a supply of grip med
icine. an well as the meet complete stock of
drugs , chemicals and tollot articles , In the
city.
MoiiTGAtinn no.vu MOT HHUKIJMKD.
Slnnx ritr. O' > f > llt A Wentern Given
to llolilom nf Scc rltle .
SIOUX CITY , la. , Jan. 8. ( Special. ) The
Credits Commutation company of Sioux City
will not redeem from J. Kennedy Ted &
Co , of New York , the Sioux City , O'Neill &
Western railway. The date for the redemp
tion of the property expired today and It
went by default. There Is a possibility ,
however , that the federal court will grant
an extension for this time , but U U con
sidered doubtful.
For several days representatives of the
commutation company have been in Chicago
cage figuring with Roswell Miller of the
Milwaukee for the purchase of the road , but
these men have returned to Sioux City with
out closing up any deal. It would take about
12,000 to redeem this road and now the
bonds go Into the possession of J. Kennedy
Ted & Co , the present holders of the se
curities. Foreclosure proceedings have been
commenced on these bonds of the O'Neill
road , but the case Is In the United States
supreme court and when the case finally Is
disposed of the road will be sold. Some
think that the
Credits Commutation company -
pany will bid It In at this sale , but others
are of the opinion that It will pass Into the
hands of one of the large railway systems.
Sheriff Ge < * I.rft.
OSCEOLA , la. , Jan. 8. ( Special. ) This
county has Just paid out the $260 reward
money for the arrest of Wolverton , who was
recently acquitted of the murder of Mary
Olinilan. The state reward has not yet been
given. Wolverton was found In Nebraska.
One-third of the amount
went to Post-
roaster King of Cambridge , la. , who gave
the first Information that led to the arrest ;
ono-ithlrd went to Sheriff Lukenblll of this
county , and the other third went to Post
master Snearengen of Mllford , Neb. The
sheriff of Cosa county , Nebraska , where the
arrest was made , was here recently to claim
the reward , but gat nothing ,
nionillmundn Will Aid Police.
SHELDON , la. , Jan. 8. ( Special. ) The
authorities have Just ordered two blood
hounds from Texas to aid In the detection ot
criminals In this neighborhood. During the
last two years there have been several rays
terious murders In this vicinity and the
dogs will be retained for a similar emer
gency.
WEALTHY MINE OWNER IN JAIL
Mayor ot Victor , Col. , DHrcjrnnln In
junction and I * Locked lip by
Dlntrlct
COLORADO SPRINGS , Col. . Jan. 8
James Doyle , mayor of Victor , Col. , and a
wealthy owner of mines In the Cripple Creek
district , occupies a cell < n the county jal
hero , having been committed by Judgi :
Lunt of the district court for contempt o
court. His alleged disregard of an Injunc
tion issued by Judge Lunt against him noi
to prosecute a suit brought by him at Council
Bluffs , la. , against James F. Burnes of the
Portland Gold Mining company to recover
several hundred thousand shares of Portland
stock caused Judge Lunt to order his com
mitment.
Mr. Doyle was In Denver when the order
was Issued , but after learning of It took the
first train for this city and accompanied thu
sheriff to Jail. Doyle spent the day reading
the papers and has seen several friends ,
He declines , however , to eay anything abou1
hla case. His relations with the officers an
of the most friendly character and he seems
to appreciate the novelty as well as the un
pleasantness of his detention. It is under
stood that an effort to secure his release on
a habeas corpus writ will be made tomcr
row.
Three New Crceka Dlncovercd.
VANCOUVER. B. C. . Jan. 8. J. C. Duftl
of Dead wood. S. D. , who left the Atlln dls
trlct Christmas Day. arrived on the City
of Seattle from Skagway yesterday. He
brings news of the discovery of three new
creeks Union. Horse and Quartz all en
tering Into Surprise lake. Ho says that for
four months he has prospected these creeks
and In all good paying results were obtained.
A bench claim between Pine and Sprueo
creeka located by him has been turning out
from $12 to J20 a day.
TODAY'S WEATHER FORECAST
Threatening Weather lth Light
Ralu , Accompanied by Illuntury
Wind * .
WASHINGTON , Jan. 8. Weather forecast
for Monday :
For Nebraska and 'Missouri ' Threatening
weather and light rain ; variable winds.
For North and South Dakota Threaten
ing weather and light snow ; warmer ; east
erly winds.
For Iowa Threatening weather ; colder In
northern and eastern portions ; northeast
erly winds.
Tor Kansas Threatening weather with
light rain In extreme east portions ; variable
winds.
For Colorado Threatening weather ;
northwest winds.
For Wjomlng and Montana Threatening
weather ; west to southwest winds.
I.ocnl llocoril.
OMAHA , Neb , Jan 8 , Omaha record of
temperature and ralnf.il ! competed with
the > corresponding- of the past three
years ;
, . , 1R33. 1S9' . 1S97. 1S9C.
Maximum 3J 41 61 51
Minimum 22 27 30 " >
Average 27 : il 40 iis
Rainfall 0 T o 0 }
Heronl of temperature and precipitation
at Omaha for thla clay and since March
Normal for the day 17 Deg.
Kxoets for the < lny , : o Deir.
AccumnlatPd excels since March 1 74 Ueg
Normal rainfall for the day ttl Inch.
Deficiency for the dav 03 Inch.
Total rainfall since March ! . . . . : < > 5Fi Inches
Deficiency since March 1 390 Inches
Deficiency for cor. period , 1 ! > 97..11.14 Inches.
Krctss for cor. period. ISM 511 Inches.
neporlB front Station * at 8 p. m.
0
T
) ]
0
j *
Y
T Indicates iraco of precipitation.
Dflow zero.
L. A. WULSII , Local Torccatit Official.
PLAINT OF A VETERAN JOKER
Njwspapor Humor Not What it Used to Da
in Days Gone By ,
SMILE MACHINE NO LONGER IN FAVOR
Amntrnr Competition nnil lllnMralril
illrnlr Itiiln ( tic llunlncnit
llrinliil epncT of nil Old-
Timei'li'mi ) Mini.
"Tho old-tlmo ' > oumorlst , ' as Joh Hill
ings won wont to spell It , Is pisMng away ,
and , In the language of the street , 'there's
only a few of us left , ' " said Jero Johnson
Barker , the Hoosler httmoiHt , to a Wash-
ton Post man. "I nay 'us , ' for , by length of
service anyway , I consider mj'telf one of the
veterans of the newspaper fun-making
gulfd. I began my appretlccshlp on the old
Indiana American , Parson Goodwin's paper ,
at Indianapolis , In 1S5S , and , barring four
years In the army during the civ 11 war , which
was no Joke , I have been grinding out alleged
funnylsms over since. It Is permissible even
for a humorist to grow pessimistic In his old
ago and , therefore , I have arrived at the
opinion < hat the palmy dajs of the funny
man have passed. There were giants In
those da > s Artemui Ward , Josh Hillings ,
Bailey , the Danhury News man , Petroleum
V. Nasby or Charles Locke , the ono funny
man I ever knew to make a fortune out of
It , for his heirs still own the Toledo Blade ,
which he made a newspaper of natlonat note.
Bill Ne > Is dead and Bob Burdette has taken
to writing for feminine weeklies , vvhllo M.
Quad ban contracted svmllcltls and doesn't
sclntilato as ho uesd to , In my opinion , al
though ho turns out a prodigious lot of stuff.
Therefore , like the old-timers In all trades ,
I am permitted to exclaim that 'the business
has been ruined , ' not by 'Chinese cheap
labor , ' as Dret Hnrto would say , but by the
amateur funny man and the ( syndicates.
Every other man jou meet nowadajs Is an
amateur humorist and has ono or two pet
Jokes to spring which he thinks entirely
orlglnaf. Alas ! there Is nothing new under
the sun , especially In the Joke line ; thcj've
all teen printed before and the best jou can
do Is to put them Into now. up-to-date form.
But the comlo supplements supplied by the
sjndlcates arc no Jokes to professional
funny man , whoso business , by the way , is
the most serious ono on earth. When jou
can purchase a whole page , with Illustrations
for a couple of dollars what's the use ?
Olil-TliiiP Fnnny Mfii.
"Some time ago Max O'Rcll came over
here to Y. Doodle's land , and -when no
got back to the frothy place where frog
meat Is the steady diet and absinthe the
liquid refreshment , ho wrote a book which
ho branded 'Jonathan and His Continent
I might remark , In passing , that almost
everybody else bos since branded It a pack
of lies , but In ono passage In that production
ho says that the Omaha World and the
Detroit Free Press are the two most widely
rocopled papers In America. Modesty for
bids my expression of opinion as to that
statement , for about that time Charles B.
Lewis ( M. Quad ) was scattering grins all
over the world through the columns of the
Free Press , and I "Was tr > lng to plant a
smile whore a frown had been by putting
things In the Omaha World.
"Lots of people Imagine that 'Bill' Nye
was the only Nye In the Joke business.
Lots of people are mistaken. There -was
another his name was Fred and he used
to run a column In the Omaha World
Heard at the Fountain. ' If there's a foun
tain In Omrcha I never saw It spurt ; but the
things Fred Nye heard at his Imaginary
fountain were bright enough to have gushed
from the spring from which old Momus
sipped. He went to Chicago. Rumor salt'
ho did not do Nye as well there as ho die
In Omaha. In thosonlays there- was a chap
on the Lincoln Journal wtiose name waa
Walt Mason. The exchanges used to reprint
about all the stuff ho wrote. Along with a
friend ho made a visit to Omaha. When
ho got back to Lincoln he published an ac
count of his trip. Ho said , among otho
things , as the reporters say : 'A friend took
me up to Omaha. He went to see the town
I went to let the town see me. Mr. Jams
the county clerk , entertained him. Aftc ;
taking a few nips from a black bottle In
my room at the tavern , I strolled down
Farnara street.
" 'I went Into a saloon. While I llngerei
there about all the liquid portion of tb
saloon -went Into me. After that I was en
tertalned by Mr. Jlmjams. ' Walt was a gooc
fellow , but homely. Well , 'homely' isn'
the -word ; ho was uglier than any Hooslc
poet that over heard tell of 'the frost belnt
on the pumpkin , ' or on a lecturing tour
Ho went away to Denver , and from ther
away over the big divide.
Jnllrd lor a JoUc.
"In the early 70's Mr. Bailey was sayln
very smart things 1n his Danbury News
Where do jou reckon I was then ? Out In i
Kansas trying to make the homesteaders i
smile , while the busy grabshopperawere
nibbling the roofs off their dugouts. 'Jake"
Stotler's Emporla News was the paper. Ono
day a genial gentleman named Dill got
married. Next day ray column had. In It :
'Married , at the residence of the bride's
parents , Miss Fannie Smith to Mr. Frank S.
Bill. For further particulars see email
Bills. '
"I don't know -whether the small Hills
ever came out or not , for eoon afterward
I went to El Paso , Te c. Paso Del Norte ,
Mexico , Is Just across the Rio Grande river.
In one of my festive moments I made a red-
hot tomale Joke about the alcalde over there.
The genuine greaser seldom laughs , and ho
would rather his head should be the landIng -
Ing spot for the butt of a six-shooter than }
to bo made the butt of ridicule. The old
alcalde didn't llko my squib , and without
ever giving mo notice , he got himself before
himself and Issued a warrant , returnable < to
himself , to put myself In limbo. But you
see the sly old duITer did not send mo word
about the court proceedings. Ono night I
took a notion to go over the river to a
fandango. I never reached the hall 1Ij 1f f
hilarity. A delegation mcot mo at the south
end of the bridge. It consisted of a equad
of ragged policemen , -who escorted mo to
the lockup and chucked me In , locked the
Iron door , and marched away.
A fJrevmoine .Text.
"I felt In ray pocket , found a match and
etruck It and was etruck with the palsy by
what I saw. There was a stone-dead greaser
on the greasy stone floor. 'Hero's a go , ' I
thought , but on second thought I knew It
wasn't a Jolly situation for a Joker.
"But , like many other situations that I
have had , I didn't hold that ono long. I
soon heard a lot of voices on the outside. I
know their lingo pretty well and I could
hear them saying. 'He's In there and we'll
have him out. ' Now , jou understand , I
didn't know whether they were after the
quick or the dead , but I soon found out.
They .started to hammering the padlock on
the door and I made the effort of my life *
In trying to sequester myself In the utter
most corner of the hole I was cornered In ,
They got the door open and found the dead
man. They didn't find me. I learned after
ward that they were a gang of sheep herder *
who had como up to the fandango and that
the dead man was one of their crowd who
got a Jolt on the solar plexus during the
festivities and had been huitled Into Jail
and left to kick the bucket at his leisure ,
'
Four of them carried him off. It didn't take
( four to carry me off , I fiew. I only touched
the ground at high places until I was a
league from that dungeon. There was a Una
of street cars , pulled by bob-tailed mules ,
running between tbo two Pasos In those.
dajs. It may bo running yet for aught I
know I am nlmoiit pcreimdol , liowrver , that
one of Its driver * In running yet I mr-iked
Into the shed where HIP con Murt from
and climbed on the top of mip of them and
waited for the p.ttlrnt mule to hnul It to our
Undo Sam's lde of Hip river. The mlnulo
thi > car reached the north oiul of thu brldgo
I crawled to the front of It nnil dropped
into the driver's standing place. Tb saddle ,
colored driver dropped the HUM and leaped
over the dashboard and disappeared In the I
darkness. If he kept the gait on him th.it
ho lit out with ho has long sliico passed
the north role.
Too I'linny for I'lilliulHiitiln.
"I was the engineer of the fun machine
ot one of thu PhlladelphK printing shops
for eighteen of Philadelphia's long months
and , oh , how I did make those Quake's
quake with mirth. But 1 got too gay for
thu place. There Is a llttlo man lu that
burg who doo.s a big business. He Is somewhat -
what larao and -walks with a cane. One day
1 said that If he were not worse crippled
Above the ejebrows thin below the * ilps
he might throw his c.ino away. He bounced
Into the sanctum , and the boss of the sanc
tum bounced me.
"My ne\t Job was on a New York piper
that had Its plant In the vicinity of the
Astor house. It isn't there now. 1 wonder
If my Jokes killed It ? 1 used to do my
work In the afternoon. Tlic only other
person that showed up In the cilltoilal rooms
was the Irish Janitor. Of course a scribbler
never cares for money , but ono d.iy , after
I had been there about four dajs , I sild to
him , 'Say , Cap , when Is pay diy here ? '
And Cap replied ; 'Me boy , pay day Is a
Chuesday ; but , whist , mo boy , dlvll a
Chuesdaj has there been here for tUe rising
of a month '
"Arc there many Jokers In the land ? "
"Say , joung man , one of the New York
papers recently put a notice In Its columns
that It would pay 1 cent a woid for orlg'nil '
Jokes. The editor of that department told
mo a few daj-s ago that moro than half
the Jeroejltes between Hoboken and
were tending In bales of manuscript every
day and that all the way stations between
Long Island Sound and Puget Sound wore
being heard from by every Incoming train.
Ho had no doubt that a.s soon ns thu notice
reached the Philippine Islands , the natlvw
would send on a few ship loads of ftosh and
Dewey squibs.
"Soy , joung man , majbo jou think jou
arc a newspaper wit , and all jou need Is
a chance. If so. Just walk Into the ne-rosl
nevvpsaper olllco and jou will probably get
chance to walk out again. "
DEATH RECORD.
Colonel Itlchurd C.
CLEVELAND , O , Jan. 8. Colonel Richard -
ard C. Parsons died this morning , aged 72
jears. Colonel Parsons had long been a dis
tinguished citizen of Cleveland. As a joung
man he was a member of the Ohio house of
representatives and speaker of that bodj- ,
Later ho was appointed by President Lin
coln consul to Rio Janeiro. Subsequently
ho was marshal of the United States au-
premo court. He served one term In con
gress and was Instrumental In formulating
the harbor Improvements at this point. He
was for a time editor of the CIov eland Her-
nld. At the time of his death Colonel Par
sons was referee In bankruptcy. Ho was a
flne orator and a writer of force.
Colonel A Kit \ \ ' . Dlclcliinon.
EASTON , Pa. , Jan. 8. Colonel Asa W.
Dickinson of Hackensack , Now Jersey , died
today at the homo ot his mother , Mrs. Jacob
Hay , In this city. Colonel Dickinson was
prominently Identified with financial af
fairs and during the Harrison admlnlstra-
tlonvvas _ collector of the Port of New Jer-
"
Bey" He was a member of the staff of Gov
ernor Worts of New Jersey.
Alexnnilpr llrnilforil ll
NEW YORK , Jan. S. Alexander Bradford
Upshaw Is dead at his homo In this city ,
aged 48 jears. Ho was a native of Holly
Springs , Mass , had been connected with th
Nashville American , was appointed commis
sioner of Italian affairs In 1SS9 by Secretary
Lamar and was' afterward Calvin S. Brlco's
political and business manager In Ohio.
Glniit l > > llilnii Don- '
CLEVELAND. Jan. S. Fret i-k Sll-
, one of the most famous Knights ol
Pythias In the countrj- , died at his home
hero today. Sllberg was six feet flvo Inches
tall and weighed 310 pounds. He was on
of the men known ns "Tho Big Five , " and
he had for years led the parade at the na
tional encampment.
Mm. Valentine n.Ht. |
WEST POINT , Neb , Jan. 8 ( Special. )
Mrs. Valentine Gelst , wife of a prominent
liquor dealer , died early this morning. The
cause of her death was quick consumption.
She was universally popular In this com-
munltj' , being a woman of many graces of
mind and cereon.
CcntrnnrlniiuHli a It coord.
BEVERLY , Mass. Jan. 8 William Endl-
cott , aged 100 jears , died todajHo was an
cj-o witness of the engagement between the
frigates Chesapeake and Shannon Juno 1 ,
1813 , and was of the sixth generation from
Governor Endlcott , of the Massachusetts
Bay colony.
Mm. Clinrlon D. .Toy.
HURON , S. D. . Neb. . Jan. 8. ( Special. )
Mrs. Charles D. Jo > ' , one of the early settlers
of this city and wife of the senior member of
the grocery firm of Joy Bros. , died at the
family residence here Friday night after a
long and painful Illness.
DatiRhter of I2x-Vloc 1'rcnldtMit.
PHILADELPHIA , Jan. 8. Miss Sophia
Dallas , daughter of Geoigc M. Dallas , who
wns vice president of the United States un
der President Polk , Is dead In her seventy-
sixth jear.
Dr. C. n. lluriu-n of Solmj lor.
SCHUTLKR. Neb , Jan. 8. ( Special. ) Dr.
C. G. Barnes , aged 85 , one of the pioneers of
Colfax county , died at the homo of Mr. and
Mrs. L. C. Smith nnd was burled hero this
week.
THOMAS TO Ii\\7ll JAf'KSOMAtS. !
- in WiitlcrNon'M IMItorlnl on
tin- Platform for 1 ! > OO.
DENVER. Core , Jan. S. The annual
celebration of Jackson day was held by the
Jacksonlan club , several hundred members
of the club and their guests being present.
The principal event of the evening was an
address by Governor-elect Charles S.
Thomas of Colorado Springs.
Governor-elect Thomas. In the course ol
his address , replied to the recent editorial
of Henry Watterson In the Louisville
Courier-Journal , In which the latter sug.
gested that Admiral Dewey nnd General
Flt/hugh Leo bo made the democratic nornl-
necs for 1900 , with the platform "The Stars
and Stripes God blws them. " Governor
Thomas said In part :
"Bourbon density Is said to bo proverbial.
H polarizes In the political atmosphere ot
gold democracy , which blindly assumes that
tbo national organization Is ready to tosi
the reins from the driver's box to those
whom the vehicle but jvsterday ran over.
" 'Old Honso Sense sitting In the rocker , '
Is lapidated when It asserts cither that the
economic Issucu of tlio last campaign are
obsolete or that the leadership of that time
WHAT DO THE CHILDREN DRINK ?
Don't give tne tea or coffee Hdve you
tried the new food drink called GHAIN-O ?
It la delicious nnd nourishing and takei
the place of coffee. The more Graln-O
> ou nlve the children thu more health jou
distribute ) throtiKh ttielr sj'HtomH Craln-O
Is m.ulo of pure grains , and when properly
prepired tastes llko the choice Kr.ults of
coffee , but costs about ' 4 aa much. All
L-roctrs itU U. ICe und ic ,
I n t Ihp lc ' 1or hli > of 1W. H nmjf bCl |
Hint I In It'Ort ' democracy nil ! find Itwplrnllon
In I the tirttmof the grrrtt lulmlrali It tuny '
t > o tint flic oventn ot the cnsuliiR period
will point to him IIA Its loRlr.il onudldaU'
U I may be Hint Orncral Lie , or onu < oilier
coiKplriioiig in.in , will ntand as till n'snrlato.
Hut I tlic'p conditions nni't conic , K nt nil ,
not i that the bolters of 1S9I > may be ppr
sunded to return , not that their views or
opinion * must bo accepted , but that tluongli
auch Icadprohlp thp principles of the Chicago
cage platform tiny be effective- and cndur-
UK.
UK."Hut
"Hut If It bo true that political pt.ttfortnH
ro formulated by political hypocrites nml
redpstlned to abandonment , nnd that dp *
iiocrary's sole pledge for 1000 should bo
Iho Stars and Striped God bless them"
hat a'suranco can we slve that any pletlip ; ,
nvolved even in such a catch phrase , willet
ot bo disregarded ? * * If we hnvo
oat nil devotion to our pirty principles nnd
ur political duty In performed by resorting
o any devlco which promises victory. It
pro better to adopt Colonel Seller's plat-
orm nnil KO In for 'the old fins nnd nn np-
roprlitlon. ' This ha some practical mran *
IIR nnd In sentiment It Is fully equal to
ts more Krnccful but not less attractive
iVattersoulan Imitation. "
FIRE RECORD ,
! onrrnl Store.
DAKOTA CITY. Neb. , Jan. S. ( Spe-
lal Telegram ) The general store of
! . V. Smiley at South Sioux City
i as dostrojed by fire about 4
> 'clock this morning and It was with dlf-
Iculty that the store of W. A. Teter was
laved The second story of the burned
sulldlng was used as a hall and was occu
iled bj a number of secret societies , In
ludlng the Odd Fellows , Modern Woodmen
if America , Maccabees and Woodmen of
, ha World. The Smiley store contained the
tatlon of the Iowa and Nebraska Tele
phone company and was the largest gen-
ral store tu South SlouCity. .
AX i-iA\iii i.nsr.s GAMH.
JiuiiMTiUI HUH I.oiiw I.vnil lu Chen *
.Mutch tilth Sltovtnltcr.
NKW YORK , Jan. S Show-alter and
Janowskl contested the eleventh g-amo of
their match at the Manhattan Chess i-lul
today nnd nfter twentj-sl < c moves ) Sho-
walter resigned. The latter opened with n
queen's gambit , In the course of vvhlcli
ho got the better position , but teen IK
allowrd bis adversary to get on ev IM
terms Liter on the Parisian took the nt-
tack Into Ills own hands and by r.ithor
Ingenious plaj * won n. p.iwn utter tvventj-
four moves Sliovvalter might have pro
longed the llrht bv selecting .1 better move
for bis twenty-tUth turn. Att it waa , hovv-
e\or , Janowsklvas enabled to win the
? umo two moves later Tlie score of the
match now la : Jinovv kl 6 , Shovvalter 2 ,
drawn 4 Thu twelfth Koine will bo plnyet'
on Tuesday.
Johiinoii IlrcukN sluitliiur Ilcciinl.
MINNEAPOLIS. Minn. Jan. S-Jolin S
Johnson , the ejcilst-skater , broke the pro
fcislonul half mile skating record at LexliiK
ton park today , covering the distance It
1:18 : 2-5 The attempt was inado under tin
favorable conditions. lie was paced thr
Jlrst .iOO > nrds. The ttnolllcial time for tin
flrt quarter vvns .38 3-5.
QucstlonM nml
OMAHA. Jan. 4. To the Sporting Kdltoi
of The Bee : Will jou kindly state it
The Bee when the twentieth centurj- be
gins whether In 1900 or 1901 ? A Sub
scrlbor.
Ans. January 1 , 1901. The nlneteentl
century closed exactly at midnight , Dcccui
ber 31. 1900.
FARRAGUT. la. . Jan. 4. To the Sporting
Editor of The Hee : A bets B that the weigh
of Flt7slmmons when he went Into training
for the Cnrson fight was 200. Who wins ?
Thomas McMahon.
Ans. Ho never weighed 200 In his life. H
wins.
OMAHA , Jan. 2 To the Sporting Edlto
of The Bee : Not moaning to Insinuate Ilia
jou ere "talking through jour hat , " but
will eay j-onr logic Is lacking decidedly In
"answering" In last Sunday's Bee that n
man grtlns $20 If he was to sell a horse for
$90 , buy him again for $ SO and resell him
for $100. I don't see why jou value the
horeo at $90. even If It did bring that
amount on first sale. Mavbo the horse wan
given him , and In that case the gain would
have been $120. With the question stated
as It is , the gain Is $30 no more , no Jess
H. L S. - - * - *
Ans. You're the boy whs Is uslnp a tll
for a telephone. It jnftUosno difference
"
whether the horse ' "was given or not ; Its
value to the man who had It was the price
It could brine In the market and the quou-
tlon Is the profit that the man netted fiom
the transaction mentioned. Even If the
horse was given , the gain was not $120 , but
$110 and "with the question stated as It Is , "
PERFECT
Tooth Powder
IN ELEGANT TOILET LUXURY.
Uf-od by pcoplo of refinement
for over a quarter of a oontury.
( ho Kiiin In u > t J' > Inn K T lu your
pencil I ami fl iirof'rnvlule my 1ml
OMMIV. Jnn 1 ! To the 5 | < ortin . I III ref
of ] The Hoc N tlio nulm of n ( rs in win
akii ndvAiitftUK of Iho new b nKru , > t l < t\v
loinpll If HO , to what ninouut" J , U.
I one ,
The e\rmnltons under the bankruptcy hw
ro thu same its th so un < ti'i thu Btttutii In
IIJTH nf iittnchtnuit tic
SILV12R CUii2K. : J n. r , To thr Sporting
Mltor of The lloo Plo-m * toll the ooirrcl
volKht of Uobort PltrHlmiiions when ho
ought with Coibelt at Cnwun City J. 1' .
Varc.
, \ti < i Neither nmn weighed. In bo f ere the
cht , MO It Is liiio | ! slliUt to tell 1 > t ? U
eportrd to have sc.iltd 170 vvlun ho 'n-
rrod the ring.
\ \V13RLY Neb . Jan ( To the Sporting
Mltar of Tlio Hoe Hid Corbott Hid Jack-
on ever light a ring fight * Whore' ' Whin ?
Did Jackson nnd ritzslmntotii over light7 -
J. H C.
Am Corbett nnd Jackson fought n sl\tv-
ne round draw at Pan rrnnrlsr-o on May 1 ,
S91 KHz and Jnck on never fought
COl'NTIL llLt'lTS In . Jan 3To the
porting Kdltor of Iho Hi-o Please b'ato '
n next Sumlav's edition how checkcrelnm
= 1 plajed W H S
Ans It's a now ono on mo.
llciiiiCHl lor rrliu-oton Mlirnrv.
PRINCKTON , N. J , Jan. S It v\as an-
nouirfd todav that ( Tcorpo A Armour of
tin- class of ' 77 lm- given Jin 000 4o Pilnco-
011 university to found a clnoslntt drpart-
nont In the university llbr.uj l\ r the
next three jonrs ho will glvo $2 700 attmully
'or itho further support of the department.
Mr Armour cMineto Pilnrotou troni Chicago
cage four JCMJH 1IRO.
Mrs. Wlnslovv'B Soothing Kvrnp has been
used for over llfty > rarn liy millions of
n-others ( or thi-lr children vvhllo t < ethlng
with perfect Mieceii -oothm tin child ,
loftena the KUIIIH , allnji all pnln , inri1- ?
wind colic inil IH the best reniedv for
IJInrrhoea Sold by druggists in eveij part
of tliii vuirld He nuru mul nsk for "Sirs.
Wlnslovv'a Soothing Sjrun" and take no
other kind. 2"i ctnts H bottle
WHEN onrann FAIT , oottavrvr
Searles & Searles.
SPECIALISTS.
Qnnrantce to care ( iueilll | > - and radl *
caiir nil Minvocs , ciinoMC AND
FRIVATIS Alnoanem ol men unit ironic *
WEAK mi SYPlilliS
BRXUALLY. cured for life.
Night Emission * , Ixmt Manhood , Hy.
flrocele , Verlcocnlc , Gonorrhea , dloet , Hyph-
fllB , atrtrture. Piles , 1'latula and Rectal
ulcari , Diabetes , Bright'a Dlcrnin Hired.
CONSULTATION I'llKK.
AuSjkliiMA . ( fl Afl Cured
ofnciurd > saaeeiat H-.M
ky new method without pain or cuttlnr ,
Call on or addrtii with stamp. Treatment
far mall.
NS. mm i VARIES ,
WM , WELCH TRANSFER LINE
IlctiTccn Council lllulTM mid Uiiiiilm.
Rates Rcasopnblo. Satisfaction Guaranteed.
Council HluffH ofllre , No. 8 North Main
street. Telephone 12S. Omahu olllco re
moved to 322 South Fifteenth street. Tele
phone 1308.
Connections made with South Omah
"
COMBINED TREATMENT
Weak Men and Sufferin
WHEN OTHERS FAIL
Remember the Doctors of This Institute Can Cure You.
NO MISTAKES " R ? NO FAILURES
Specialists for Diseases of Man and Women.
The wonderfully successful treatmnnt of the specialist- ) UiU Institute romblna
the two etenten fi\ctor of the howling art known to thu mortlcal profession *
ELECTRICITY and MEDICINE. It Is tlio litrgest , : im-t thoroughly uud complotlv
equipped Inuiliitc. both oRislrlciillv ami incdlc'vlly. over usublltliod In thu wnit foi tlm
treatment und alinnltit * euro of nil nnrroiii , chronlu find nrlvntn dh'Msns of MEN .iuJ
WOMEN. HONORABLE AND FAIR DEALING ACCORDED TO ALL.
A PERFECT CURE GUARANTEED ANL CASES ACCEPTED
NERVOUS DEBILITY ? ' H $ yKllX"e TYOUHQ
LOST MANHOOD MIDDLE AGED and OLD MEN , J'0
JUUOi ITlAnnUl/lS Mannonil Tun awful ifTecu of imlltrrullons la
south , nelf-pollutlon or excesses In after llfo and the effects of noilouUd ; or Improper-
[ ' treated C.TOS , produelnK lack of vltalltj , sexual wtHknet * , nnilnv tloiicd or
shrunkrr oryaiiH , pain In back , loin and kldnuyH rhost ) > alnx , nervnuBnfsa , xlecplchit-
ness , VTonkn'iss of body * nd brain. dlztln < f > n , falling rmmory , lack of uii > rK > unij
conlldenct , despondency , evil forobodlnRs , timidity and other distressing' symptoms.
Such canes. If neglected , almost Invariably k-.irt to pronuturo dccuy , Instantly and
death.
death.nupTURE. . VAmcocKi.n , HYDUOCEUJ. SWCMJNOS. THNnnuNnas. DIK-
CHARUUS. feTKicTunna. KIDNIV and URINARY DISUASKH , SMALL , \VKAIC
and BHHUNKKN HAUTB , ALL I1LOOD , SKIN and 1'lUVATi : DIBUASKS absu-
luttly cuicd by this treatment after all other means huva failed j |
OPEN Dally , from 8 a. m. to S p. m. Eundajh 10 a. in. to 1 p. m.
Write if yon cannot call. oApo9cconcf1S2nira'ico ' " PI"M nnvcl
STATE ELECTRO-MEDICAL INSTITUTE
1308 FARNAM ST. OMAHA , NEB.
WEAK MEN CURED SYPHIUS OB
BAD BLOOD.