Nebraska Newspapers

    i AN INVOLUNTARY PRESIDENT
11Y W. L. ALIJKN.
I'M. by W. IAliUn )
I don't fitipiiorc jou ever licinl of the rc-
piitilic ol Orl/ata. remarked my frlonJ , Hon.
Jimrs K Smith It only exlated as an In-
iVvtri'lent ru > nhle ! for about n dozen years.
You sec. It uted to lo i part of the republic
of Onl ol America , end It was such a worth-
If * strip of land and fovcr that when It set
11 i m lt own ncrount the tTntral Americans
(1 In t take thetrouhlo to recomiurr It , and
Vrillid till thTUnllcd ( Slalca reconquered It
for them.
Orizaba had ones # ott > ort , where pcrhtns
time or four tmrnp tpamcrn called In tlie
i jun c of t'.ic yinr. to ceo If they could pick
lip a raw of loRwood. The cotntry was
fall of lofiwood of the very best final" ! ' . 1)Ul
the natives were so lazy tliat they would
j over cut It unle ? % they were [ ild Oy the
0 y ard cvon then they worked no slowly
that It took about two m ntlis to furnish a
CT'o fora 2.000-lon tramp. Thla name llttlo
. < prt , tthlrh culled lt elf Santa Itojw , con-
tL 'eJ of flbotit l.BOO Inhabitants , living mostly
In one-story ndobo liounei , and It WSH the
o ii tal of the republic.
The way 1 came to be president of Orizaba
vti , what I started out tc > tell you. and I'll
trto Ifppp to the point. If I rjet wandering
off Into o'her xubjcctn Just null mo up , and
r'crt IIIP arnlti on the rlchl tra k Alont ? In
1V70 I was IN- junior pirtncr of a llrm In
f. } Pranckicn tlat did a blj ; bualncra In
limber Ilrom'py , Twlchcll & Co. was the
usino of the ( Inn , and I was the Co.
0 (1 ( Hroinlrj. the senior Tartnor , was a
mighty enterprising man , nnd ono ilay he
ex. n1 to m and tolil me tint there was a
< he rep of biilldlnR up a tremendous trodo
In logwood , provided nomcbody would KO to
fanta Il.aa and run the tiling. "So , " fcija
1" Tiil-y , "I have dex-ldcd that you are Just
the man for the nlnrc , and I want you to
Klort by n simmer IVat Is Kolns lo isill for
thi' f'pntn.1 Ainerlciin norts next \VeuCieslay ,
nml will put you imlnrc at Santa Ilosi. I've
Indund the administration to make Santa
Ho u a rons il < ir i.ort. and > ou will be ap-
polnt"d roi iil ftt that place In the course
( if . . i .y or two There won't bo any money
In 'hi > olll'c , but you won't have any otllelal
v.o k t ) d > , an 1 the fUct that you nre consul
Mill iitjou pit Hip op.iortjnltlcs jou will
IK il fc.r rollarliifc the logwood bUBlnrns I
bellevn Hint Is all I lave to ray , and I iiro-
Mime , Mr Smith , .that you will he ready to
fall next weik. "
Tl it was Just old Ilrotnli'j'H way. He
nev r wasted n word. Some men would
limo taken half u day to tell mo what
tlir > expected me to ilo In Santa llosa ; but
Ulromley Just let me know that 1 wan to KO
th < re and eollir the lo wool business I
wan to do It In my own way , and If I suc
ceeded It would brliiK tnu J lot of money ,
ii > failed why Dromley would nl7 < s
the thins up and put the blame1 where II
1)ol > nr < 'd I no\er hesitated a mlnu'o
nlio'i' KII ! I ] , ; , nnd when I landed at Santa
lloHi wlih a trunk , an American flan an I
JUOOi ) In my belt I knew thiit I had m >
iuturu as a biiHlnt-ss man In my own hands
i i , iRild UvncMl Alvarcr. vvho
b" I 'en fleeted twice am1 had then
in.i IP up hl mind that elections were a
'WfiHte of time ami cense wetitlj hold on to
] ils oliko without asltliiK any one lie wai
i-id ; ' to be rciognl/oil by the Unllud States ,
mid as I was the nnly-conul In the v.hole
K Dublin I was a pretty Important nun
Jlo.vcver , my mind was inure set on busi
ness than It WJH on honor ami K'ory ' ; I went
to work and Kathcrod together more IOK-
v T months than tal been ex-
] ) oited In the previous two yeai I loaded
a tramp with the logwood anil my firm de-
cOol n run a monthly steamer of their
own between Sin Kranclsco and ? anta Itoaa.
1 01 w , tco , that the country wns full ot
litit-ass ) ( ! iiuhoKany , and I calculate 1 to
In luei- the natlvtH to iu In for coffee grow
ing In shoit. I thoiiRlil I > aw my way to
innkliiK a bli ; foituno for mj'olf and part
ners , and to make ttio lepubllc of Orl/iba
a pnupcroua concern.
1 hail teen In fc'anla HIIK.I about n fnrt-
tilijht whin a young f pi lew Colonel i.Min-
do/i who was the commander of the presl-
( Irnt'r Kinird , conic rushlnK up 'o ' my door
v. Ill' Ills drawn sword In tils hand , and a
nit b of solilleis and cltl/cns If a lot of lu/y
lial * drer ed Indians c.n bewailed cltbena
at his litcls. 1 let him In ut onee , for he
was evidently In u bin li'irry ' , nnd so wns
the crc.Ml that uas after him. He ilrojipcd
Into a chnlr clean out of breath , and by the
time I Kraxpcd the situation and got my
Kim ready the whole crowd was hammer
ing at the door , and yelling for the colonel
to come out anil ho klllril. I will say hers
% \rs r lirawi man , for although he had e\ory
rcanon to believe illiat the mob would break
in enl massacre him , ho sat smiling and
faspliif In his chair anil as soon ax ho got
hlii hrcatli bo began to a | > n.iil/e ] ; for dlBtuib-
liiK mi , nml oirerlng to leave at once If lie
was putting nil , to any Inconvunit-net1. I
t ( lil him tn stop where he was , and then I
Dpcnpi the door and holding myVlnchibiter
In my left hand , I asked the people what
WAS AKHAII ) Iin COUM ) NOT
TIII : IILOODTIIIHSTY ix-
or TIII : MDN.
( hey wanltd. Somebody ulngs out that they
wanted Mendo/u's life , anil miant to have
It , and that If I Irrtcrfcrul In thu clrcua
1 would bo hung on the neuuiit tree. I
didn't make any answer until I had seized
my big American ling and xprt'ud It out on
the front dear sill and all along my entrance )
Imll. Then I kiiyg ( o llui urtiwd that I \\aa !
the American consul , that nobody could get ,
Into the houno without trampling on the
.American flux , and that If any living Orlza-
liian ilnreil se > much as to touch It with hU
illrty buro foot I'd eund for a man of war
( hat would blow the town Into smithereens
nnd Imnir the president ami every other man
in the rtpublic who wan rc i > ectublu enough j
lo wear trousora "I give > ou fair warn- i
liiK , " I added , "that I Khali open tire on you
from my lop windows In Mvo minutes , and
I'm not afraid to light you and your
whole army till you tuko u bath , which 1
ralculato will bo nomii years to come , " That
bellied them. llku all hnlf.flvlllzi'd haltI I
ticcils they could understand the meaning I
of a rlllo In u white man's liumlu. They
elunk away as If they had bt-un operated '
, on with a horfowlilp , and when I went back
V > stib | > i pnu noon Xm punoju vituu ; m , TIHI oi | ,
I'llHIIB WM | ,1IU > | 03 111)1 ) > UOI | I1100J 01(1 ( 0) )
ino 011 Loth checks , nnd tiwuro that ha would
IIIIVIT forget that 1 hud euvcd his Ilfo
vblrh there Isn't the slightest doubt that
I had ,
That was the beginning of my frlcndihlp
nvlth the colonel.Vn got to U > as thick
no tliloves In a short ( line , and the rolonuj
liunlly uver failed to couiu and umoku my
cigars In thn evening when ho was off duty ,
] lo was polite , bravo and good tempered ;
nnd an for honctty , hit gormcd now and then
to have a llttlo Inkling of what It meant ,
nvhlch was more than could bo eald for any
other Orlzablan. If ho had been ratted In a
Christian lund , with Sunday echoola and
and honut election ! be would
probably have turned out to bo a first-class
Man.
Man.One ovcnlng Mcndoza Mid to me as he was
starling for home , "Don't Smith , I want you
to promise me that you won't go out of this
house for the next two days. You will be
porfcrtly safe e.o long as you arc In your
own house , but I can't answer for your life
If you step outside your door , until I send
you wcrd that the danger Is over. "
"What's up' " said I. "Arc you going lo
have a revolution ? "
"I can tell you nothing , " ho replied. "He-
member that you once stood between me and
R mob that would have shot mo In an' '
hour's time If you had not Interfered. That
mob was acting under orders from the pres
ident , aa I suspected at the time , and now
know. You are not exactly a popular person
at the palace Just at present , and I beg tl.at
you will lUtcn to my ndvlcc , nnd not run
Into danger. "
It so happened that I wan behindhand In
my correspondence Just then , and the
monthly steamer for San Francisco was to
Rail In three days more. While I didn't feel
llko hiding In my house from any number
of greasers , I thought that I might just aa
well take the next two days for squaring
up my correspondence , and at the same tlmo
avoid the danger that Mcndoza hinted at.
So I told him that I would do as ho said , and
ho went away thanking me warmly and as-
I forgot to car that I Am your vice prcs-N
o > nt , And that while dlctntor I also pro *
moled myself to the rank of lieutenant
general nnd to the supreme command of
the army. "
Well , I talked n while longer with Mpn-
doza , and then I took ten minutes to think
the thing over. So far s I could sec. I
was at leest as good s president as Presi
dent Iloyts , and as there was no work for
on American consul to do In Orizaba , I
didn't see trot I need resign an office tint
wasn't anything but a namp. So , on the
whole , 1 ddjlded to accept the presidency ,
and marchrd arm In arm with General Mcn
doza to the palace. I never oaw more
enthusiastic people In my life than the
people of Santa Rosa. They lined the
Bides of the street , and cheered for mo
as If I was Abraham Lincoln come to life
again. I ws surprised at this , but Men
doza afterward told mo that there was a
policeman with a knife standing
behind every citizen who hadn'
previously expressed his confldcnci
In me , and thit any man who hadn't checrei
for me would have found hlmsslt In dim
cultlp.3. "There Is nothing so easy to
arouse BO public enthusiasm , " Raid Men
doza , "provided you know how to do It ant
can trust the police. " Mondozn wasn *
wfliat you could fairly cell a great man , bu
ho knew polities from A to 7. .
I hadn't been president three days before
I eaw the tremendous advantages ot the
place. I had the best sort of food nnd
drink , nnd loJRlng and clothes , and al
though I couldn't collect n particle of pal-
nry , owing to the treasury being empty , I
had all the comforts that Orizaba could pro
duce. I found that there weren't any taxes
whatever. When old Alvcrcz wanted money
ho sent word to the rich men of the coun
try that ho wanted a government loan nt
15 or perhaps 20 per cent , Just as the notion
. \ L-V .O. ft' v a-\\ \ i / / .
-
LONG LIKB TO I'ltESlUUNT SMITH ! "
uiu.ng HID that I could count on him to the *
death.
The next day at breakfast I thought I
heard a lot of niuslcetrj- , but I fell asleep
again , and when I woke up for all day , I
lather Imagined that 1 had been dreaming.
The next day after that was ns < | Ulet us a
New England Sunday , but on the third daj" ,
at about 8 o'clock in the morning , Mcniloza
marched up to my door with an escort of llfty
HTlillere , and when I showed mjsclf thu
wliolo gang began to yell , "Long Ilfo to
President Smith1" |
"What'B the met nlng of this ? " I said to
M iidoia , when he and I were alone in my
back oil'.i ! .
"It means , " said he , "that you are the
picMdcnt of OMzaba , and I have ccme to
CNCort jou to the palace. "
"Considering 'that I am not a c.tlzen of
Orlj' ' ha nml that 1 am an American consul ,
and furthenioro , that I know nothing what
ever about jour political affairs. It seems
to iii'1 ' that a man ought to be ahhamed of
telling mo at FO early an hour as 8 o'clock
lii the morning that I am president of your
rubbishing republic. "
"I * i don jour excellency , " said Mcndoza.
"It pleases you to joke , and It Is mt my
place to nnd fault w.th a iresldont'8 jokes.
I'urmlt mo to remind jou that I ovv. > you my
life. Also I teg to say , that I very nearly
owed the kilo Pies dent Alvarez my death. I
have rewarded Alvarez by overthrowing him ,
and ho Is now on hvard the steamr on his
v y to your former countrj1. To jou , I have
tried to show my gratitude by making jou
pres dent. I fail to se-o that there Is any
thing amusing In this "
"Hut , my Jear joung man , " 1 exclaimed ,
"I'm verj much obliged Jo you fcr jour
giat.tude. but , us I said befoie , I'm not a
cltl ? fit of your republic , and 1 don't sec how
jou arc going to 'make ' a preMdent out of a
foreigner "
"Ag ? In I beg jour excellency's pardjn , "
E.ild Mcndo/a. "The day before yesterday ,
when I arrested AlvnrcI I made iujg lf
dictator. The first decree I Issued wau one
making jou a cltl/en. Then I orlcrcd 1111
olc tlon for president , which took placet yes-
t rd.iy and you had 'the usual majority of
748 000 votes , your i dversary , Dr. Del Vullo ,
havl'g JOU. So you see your are regularly
elected , and I have , of course' , resigned my
poj tlon as dictator. "
"Hut , jou amiable lunatic , " said I , "do
jou moan to toll me > that 740,000 people , or
tl ) ' reubouls , voted to. mo though most of
them had never so much as heard of my ex
istence hi fore clcetlon day7"
"I to vo not said that 7-10,000 people vote-J
for jou , Don Smith , " ho replied. "There are j
n 'ver moro than 300 or 400 who vote In anj |
election In thin coun.ry. It Is the business
of the policeto conduct an election , and to
glvo the * proper candidate the proper num
ber of votes. Alvnrcaltvaja had from
710,000 to 760,000 majo Ity , and wo thought
It right that jou should have the samu I
assure you thit everj thing h > H been done In
thu most regular and constitutional way , and
jour election Is as valid as that of the presi
dent of the United States "
I could Invo told my friend that ho
hadn't hit on A very good comparison , for I
the president of the United States at that
tlmo happened to bo Mr. Hayes , who
owed his election to the fact that thu
Ivui3ianu returning board a set of gam- '
blorti ii nil thluves who counted the votes of
Louisiana gold the vote of the tituto to '
the republic-ana , though It fairly belonged
t' le-niocraln. However , Mcniloza didn't
know that llttlo circumstance , and I wcnn'i
going to glvo my country away by men-
Honing It.
"I'll admit , " mid J , "for the sake of arguI I
incut , Hut 1 have bcea elected president
nml am a citizen of Orizaba. Uut 1 am ,
etlll thu American consul , and If I accept !
your presidency I mast rttlgn my consulate *
and glvo up my logwood buslne'ss , and I '
don't mean to do either. " j
"Your lieuit ti mewl noble , Don Smith , " I
Bald Memloza. "but jou do not us yet fully '
umlu eland the customs of thU country.
The United States will never know that ,
you are' president unless jou Inform them ,
of the fact. Then * by not continue to ho
consul ! There 1s no leaban why a pre | .1
dent should not curry on a treat ; and glori '
ous business llko jojrs , especially when ! in
tun , If ho chooiea , confiscate all the logwood - j
wood In the country. Delovcd friend and '
jrreaencr ! Let mo beg jou to accept the !
presidency tomhlch on admiring nation has
ducted you. It you do not llko the post-1
tlon , jou can rettro before jour term of
ofllco expires , and I .will lake jour place ,
struck him , nnd that each mini would plcaso
to send so much mentioning the exact
amount to the palace within twenty-four
houis When 1 made It understood that no
moro such loans would ho asked for , I had
cvcij' man In Orizaba who was rich enough
to wear s.hoes on my side. To raise a rev-
cnuo I Imposed taxes puj-ablo lu logwood
and mahoganj- , and coffee and bananas , ami
the way the taxes poured Into the pala-e
J'ard would have astonished j-ou. I hatis-
fled mj conscience , so far as my San I'ran-
clsco partners were concerned , by sending
them about one-half the amount of taxes ,
and the real I sold to any purchasers thai
happened to come along , and turned the
money into the treasury. ' Considering that
I never claimed nor took a cent ot salary
the whole tlmo I was president , I think I
was pretty middling honest. I considered
then , as I eo now , that my Hrst duty was
the people that I ruled over , and I was sat
isfied with the profits that I made out of
my logwood business.
There Is no denying that I did use the
i combination of presidency and consulate to
the advantage of my San Francisco firm
I When I wanted any favor from the govcrn-
. inont I used to write ns a private American
I cltbcn to myself as consul asking for It
I Then I would forward the letter with n
| strong recommendation , to myself as presi
dent , and generally I granted the request
[ Some men In my place would simply have
taken possession of anything they wanted ,
1 without any formalities ; but f always hail
I r respect for law and order , and I always
endeavoied to be as honest as the particular
situation In which I found mjself would al
low mo to be , without seriously Injuring
myself or my friends. I hope you won't
i think I nm boasting of my extreme honesty
[ I'm no I'lmrlfco and If I am better than the
i average man I'm the last one to go about
calling attention to the fact.
I t'led to Improve the moial and material
1 condition of the natives , but I couldn't make
the least Impression on them. You can't
make a man work when he can earn a liv
ing by Ijlng on his hack In the shade and
eating rlpo bananas. As for getting the
people to understand the hem-fits of dduca-
tlcci , I might cs well Invo tiled to get a milk
man to iindcrt.taml the benefits of not jell
ing h s head off In the streets. There were
about a doyen men In Santa Host , not count
ing the priests , who could read and write ,
and they wanted to keep the knowledge to
themselves. They said that If I tried to es-
tabl'sh ' public schools and to make the people
ple attend them , there would he n revolu
tion In good earncEt However , I did accom-
p'lah ono great reform. When I took the
presidency the whole country was swarming
with police , who stole pretty much every
thing they could lay their hands on , and
kept the population In a stuto of terror by
their crimes I just ubolUhcd the entire
po'lco ' force , with the exception of two con-
htablis whom I kept In the palace yard ,
whoio I could keep my eye oil them. The
ormj consisted of llfty men , u nil or Lieuten
ant General Memlnra , mid I gave order. ! that
the soldiers should ( dirot any man on a ght
whom they might catch In the act of com
mitting any police operation. This very
nearly put on end to rrlmo In Ori/aba. You
see , the averngo Orlzablan , providing ho
wasn't a professional pol ccmun , hadn't the
energy to steal , and with the exception that
now and then there would I1u a rjuartel , and
ono man would stab another , there was less
crlmo In Orizaba thin In any community
that I ever knew anj thing about
Well , not to take up too much time I
will Just nay that I i tiled Orizaba for a year
and n month , and In that lime I made the
fortune of my San Francisco firm , lies ) Irs
doing more to develop the trade of the
country than any Central American president
over dreamed of doing. I tilled up the empty
treasury till It contained over $17,000 , which
In the ejes of an Orlzablan , wns a tremendous
deus SUM , and Lieutenant General Mcndoza
couldn't rtvlst tlio temptation to handle It.
He ramo to mo one day , with a fllo of sol
diers at his back , nml said that ho was
awfully sorrj' , hut that the troops had re
volted that morning , and made him dictator ,
ami that unless I left for San Franclao by
that day's steamer , he was afraid that ho
couldn't restrain tha bloolth rsty Instlocts
of the men.
I didn't reproach Mem'oza , though ho
knew well enough that t understood Just
how much truth therei was In hla | > rcteiiso
that tits eoldlera had revolted , .1 told him
that I would yield only to force , and that
If ho wanted me to leave the palace ho would
twve to carry n > * out. So he ordered bin mea
to handcuff me nod piit me on board th
Bttamer which lh > y accordingly elld Th
itcamcr was one bc-longlng to my San
Francisco firm , and though the captain wa
considerably astonished to co me hand
cuffed , and offered to take his crew i.m
clean out the town , 1 told him It was nl
right. And eo It provwl to be.
Mendoza had forgotten that I was the
United States consul ns well as the president
When 1 got back to San Francisco , I com
plained to the government that I had been
forcibly expelled from Orlmba , and I etc
{ manded $17.000 ns damages. The govern
| mrnt. being glad of a rare chance to dlspln.v
j a spirited foreign -jinllcy , sent a man-of-war
i to Santa Ilosa without delay , and not only
I collected th'.t $17.000 from I'reslden
! Momlora , but required him to resign his
' position as prcs.dcnt In favor of the prosl
dent of Central America. The final resul
was that Orlraba lost Its Independence , ant
became once more a part or Central America
nnd that Mendoni had to emigrate or be
phot as a traitor. As ho had no money ho
probably starved to death In some South
Aircrlcan republic.
It never leakiod out In the UnlteJ States
that 1 had been president ot Orizaba run
I shouldn't tell the story nowIf Itwere not
that I i.m out ot the consular service for
good , nnd am rich enough not to want any
more favors from the government. I still
foal a llttlo sorry for Mcndoza , for he was
a good fellow In his way , though a full
treasury was something that ho couldn't
keep his hands off. Met must have been
col.eldcrnbly i stonlshed at the way I turned
the tables on him , and I don't doubt ho wns
heartily sorry thnt he hadn't been faithful
to me. Any man who docs n mean action In
order to moke tnoncj' , nnd finds that he
doscn't make It , must feel moro or less
sorry It there Is anything good In him.
TIPS TOIL ICI.OMHKIMIS.
Kootl for Helleetloii Itefore Starting
fiir Iho Arctic iHcRldiin.
Joaquln Miller , the poet of the Sierras , "
who was Induced by n newspaper sjndlcato
to go to the Klondike last summer , Is
wintering In tl.at Ice factory and manages
to get a word back to civilization occasion
ally , juat to sho.v what a hilarious time
the argonauts are having In midwinter. The
'oy of the poet la ao melancholy as any ol
the plain matter-of-fact news that glides
down from Daw son. No matter how dark
the picture. It Is not likely to deter tut
fortune-seekers , but It will enable theslaj -
at-hotncs to appreciate what they miss.
Amcng other thing. ? the poet MJS that
you get jour surplus duds and grub for the
trip trarejiorlcd from Uawton City to tide
water for from $1,000 to $1500 , Including
the privilege of walking the entire dis
tance beside the dog teams. An ordinary
meal , which would cost , say 15 cents In
Omar * . OTC'.B $3.50 lu Uawson. The only
dlffcreneo , Eslde from the price , Is that
Daw son's caterers dish up caribou steak
when It 's not In demand for i ole leather.
Flour brings ? .l. a sack , diluted lightning
50 cents n drink.
Hero Is Joaquln's picture of the Arctic
winter
"The davs hero hive now dwindled to n
dim little rim of light ; the sun Is sulking
away back jondcr somewhere behind the
broken Klondike steeps and the huge , bare ,
white back of Quartz mountain. We have
not seen his cheery face for daj-s and days ,
and do not hope to see It nf ? In for wcekn
to come. Uut the moon , the great , white ,
melancholy moon , lorn and Kirgo and cold ,
walks In solemn widowhood right up over
head , and nround and around we see her
all the vast night long , an ] no rly all the
narrow strip of day. She is so co'd ' and
wliito and ole > mn that E-he Is literally
Hue. and looks In her desolate widowhood
aw If she. . had Jimt burleJ her lordly spouse ,
t1 e sun , out of sight forever. I see so
nnu'h of her , and so continuously , that I
b ve loarnc-d to dread thes ght of her
solemn blue-white face and try to foigot
to look up nt the great cathoJral stars of
gold to get away from the sight of her
deathlike visage. Oh" but to sit on my
little doorstep In the warm night weather
nbovo San Francisco b y and see the twin-
horned lamp of a new-hern baby moon
light up fie Golden Gate , ami then go
timidly and Tcstfully to bed In the warm ,
wide billows. Txt ! in- but live to see this
again nnd I will not go faraway ; at least
not In th.s desolate neighborhood nf the
north no'e. iFo" Iwas horn to roses , sun-
lands , song birds , mo3est moons and warm
south werther. < Lot me not be caught hero
again , for caught I am like a wary old
rat In a trap. The whteness and silence
Is of a kind that I abhor , and the thought
of my wrm Contra Cost/i / stcps and my
llttlo familiar moon lighting the Golden
Gate makes me homesick. I would not be
tied up In this lorn , desolate largeness an-
cthrr winter for nil the Klondike gold j-ou
could point to mo with a dozen north poles
In a tiousand years.
"Truo the summers arc superb ; as glorious
In colors i nJ sweet odors as they are brief ;
nllvo with water fowl , fishes and fnsect
life. And these mighty winters , too , are
thillllng nnd Inspiring in the r terrible
glorjfcr a time. Uut when you have lived
down three months of this vast white
< * ilonco , as If nil earth lay still and stark-
dead In her white shroud waiting the judg
ment' di y , and then find five months still
fronting you , why , then jou want to go
home. "
A uiKIU
Ceremony Without CM II Itoil Tapeor
MlnUterlal ItlfcH.
Without civil red tape or ministerial rites
n marriage ceremony was performed recentj" !
as binding as any mich solemn contract pos
sibly could be , relates the New York I'ros/5.
It was n Qual.er wedding , and took place In
the Houao of Friends , in Rast Twentieth
stieet , near Third avenue.
The bridegroom was Russell Benjamin
Hcdson of London , and the bride , Miss I3dlth
Haydock , daughter of Sarah A. Hajdock , n
minister of the Society of Friends In this
city. The llttlo meeting house was crowded
with relatives and friends , while many turi
ous persons attended to see a man and
woman marry themselves.
IJeforo the two entered the building a
period of silence prevailed ; that sllenro so
beloved by Quakers. Annlo S. Knight , a
minister of the sosletj' , made a brief prayer
and silence , again fell on nil.
Then , from a sldo door , the bridal party
entered together and unaccompanied. Ho
wan conventionally dressed , while the brldo
were a modest gray traveling gown. She
vvns an unusually sweet-fneed girl , and every
detail of her dress , from her hat to the lace
edged hem of her gown , was simplicity
Itself , mnklng her natural beauty and grace
far moro striking than If she were covered
with glittering jewels nnd rustling tllks.
The two advanced to n center table wliere >
ft garland of pure whlto roses lay. Then ,
turning and looking up Into Iho eyes of her
chosen husband , the bride said In a clear ,
musical voice that Hounded llko a golden
wedding bell In 1he silent church : "I take
thco , Kuescll flciiijamlii Hodson , to bo mv
husband In the presence of God ami this ns-
semblj' , and I promise to ho a faithful and
loving vvlfo until God shall separate us
In deat'i "
The deep-vo'red ' bridegroom then repeated
the words , substituting her name , and onlj
changing the words that were necepharj' .
Then hp took one end of the garland of
whlto roses , film the other , and they tied the
nuptial knot , figuratively and literally.
Her half of It was done before the smiling
lusband hid romplttcd hie.
Toth then signed the marriage certificate
and Heibrrt S Tult'o ' , cs best mnn. nnd
Amelia Haydock , a s'ntor of the brldo as
jrldeiimnld , alao Blgned. Charles W. Law
rence clerk of the sotlety , read the certifl-
cato 111oud , and the pair clasped hands Thu
luptlal prayer vvns tutored , and tlio two
were OPO.
After that all persons Ii the place , rela-
Ivcs , friends or those there out of mere-
cudlcsltj * . wcro Invited to go forward and
olgn the marrUgo certificate.
The rarth moves -Evidence , you can buy
n first-clef ] liniment , Salvation Oil. for 25c.
Sliii-K lllH Ill-nil In tinMnclilncr )
ST. LOUId. Kob. 4. Daniel CMcClelland ,
nged 41 , employed in the pilnt works of
Ocorgo 8. Mrplmn & Klein , committed
Milcldo today by putting his head beneath
ho ponderous wheel * of a iniichlno known
n u putty chaser. When found the rnan'H
lead wax stuck between the wheels and u
Hide post , crushed to a pulp. Death must
ui vo been Inutuntiineous. No reason kncxvii
for the deed.
Sudden changes of weather cause throat
leease < i , There Is no more effectual rem-
< dy for coughi , colds , etc. , than Orowu's
Ironchlal Trochee , Sold only In boxes.
Price 2G cento.
DOOM OF TRAIN ROBBERS
Invpntivo Denies Hits the Frofcajion in th
Solar Plexus ,
SURE CURES FOR THE HOLDUP HABIT
Ilntlrrlr * of Slin tliir trotm , nirctrlcn
Artillery nnd Meiini Cnlluil
Into Action to lllNcotir-
tlie Hi
The contest between honest Intontlv
Genius nnd the Inroads of the train robbc
on peaceful commerce Is reaching n cllnmx
'Tho patent ofllco Is to bo the scene of th
fiercest phase of the war. Talent olTlc
records disclose many odd and Interesting
Inventions , but none have reached the sen
satlonal ingenuity of the numerous Inferna
machines whoso object It Is to capture
malm for life or kill Inslontly the nian'wh
haa the temerity to seek Ill-gotten gain
In the strong box of a messenger car.
The device that Is the most startling o
three Just patented , relates the Washington
Post , it guaranteed to perforate a train
robber's boJy nlth bullets , riddling bin
11 rough and through like n sieve and leav
, 'tiR ' so llttlo of him untouched by lead as
to make It a matter of Impossibility to
Identify him.
The mechanism Is simply fiendish In Us
Ingenuity nnd allows the train robber no
chance ot eacape. He would ho better of
wcro he to stand In front of the business
end bf a galling gun nnd bid the artillery
man turn the crank.
The train robber trap consists of n bat
tery of revolvers placed Inside of the car
with the barrels pointing through the door
Inward the platform which the robber must
climb to fcrek nn entrance to the car. Ac
cording to the drawings on file In the paten
Dfllco , the di , lgn Is to so mask the battery
that the robber will sec nothing between
Mm and the supposed tieasuro but an In-
aoccnt looking door of wood. No sooner
tiowovcr , will he step onto the platform ol
the car and seize the handle of the door it
'orco an entrance tKin there will bursl
'orth ' a deafening tear , followed by a clo'it !
of smoke , and the rest will be no earthly
; cneetn of the train robber's , for the bullets
'torn half a hundred heavy caliber revolvers
will have sped In his dhectlon , and If he Islet
lot blown completely from the platform
Mi remains will be so tora and mangled as
0 hardly Icive enough of him for t'- \
coioner to hold an Inquest upon.
SIMI'In SAKI3TY COX-TIUVANCE.
A slmnlo contrivance place" the terrible
mttcry at the Instant disposal of the train
innds , OT , on the other hand , prevents the
possibility of It Ibelng fired. This latter
irec.iutlon Is n very nccc.ssary one , fcr If
iome i"irt of safety device were not provided
ho revolvers would claim more victims
'rom among the Innocent train crows thin
'rom the ranks of the rcbbcrs. A switch
noiinls or dismounts the battery. The
riggers of all the revrhers are connected
> y a movable steel frame , which , when
htt itched In ono direction by the releasing
of a bolt , coclre the guns , and leaves them
\heio the slightest movement on the door
'rom the outsidci will releise a catch The
nstant this catch Is released , down come
ho triggers , and bang goes every one of the
Ifty guns In the battery. It is all done
n a fraction of a second.
The bolt controlling thei battery Is placed
leyond the reach of meddlesome fingers by
eln oncaE-c'l In a box within the do-r. the
< oy to which Is Intended to ibe In the pos-
Ecssicn of the chief incsserger. When
wnrnc 1 that nn nttack on the train la Im
pending , ho unlocks the box , the action
withdraw ing the circular sections of wood
that hide from view the musics of th"
rovc'hcrs , leaving them with their barrels
ready to vomit the- content ? at the critical
moment. A turn of the ibolt nnd the gun1'
nro ready for action. The train hands need
give themselves no further conccin about
ho robber. The revolvers will look after
ilm.
Why th" Inventor should have chosen
: o place such a tremendous battery In his
nfcrnnl machlro dons not appear. 1'rob-
eblv he Intendcl that the mere suspicion
: lmt such n machine cxlbte/d , and mlsht
JT i-rcd a ? a means of defense on the cars ,
sfcpJll act as a deterring force In the In-
o-csts of honest men If that was his
reason for multiplying to such < a startling
extent the numbsr of weapons usel In the
contrivance. IID certainly argued well , for
it must Ibo a r-ftber who knows not the
meaning of fenr , nnd i ? bravo to the verge
of Inr-anlty. wh ventures to proceed In the
'nco ' of such a terrlUe means of deVns
as that prov-Mrl 1 > y the ne.vly patented
'train robber annlhllntor. "
ARMORED TURRET CARS.
The second contrivances consists of n car
urnlshed with ttcel turrets. The patentee
of th's machine has apparently borrowed
ils Idea from a clcno study of the armored
cars of Cuba. At each end of the csr ,
over the trucks , he has arranged for two
capacious forts , connected bv a passageway ,
nnd having Iron dee s which lock on the In
side. Each of these forts is provided with
tcel shutters , perforated with loopholes
hrough which the guns of the defending
crco can bo fired In all directions on the
nvaders.
The Inventor does not Intend to make any
ttompt at defense of the wooden car. All
ho fighting Is to be done from the turrets ,
n his drawings ho has allowed room In
ho armo-cd cage for the safe and any other
alued pofhcfcslors of the company , nnd has
placed racks for the reception of rlflrs.
Vhcn attacked the train hands retire to
heir armored fort , and then flio rluht or
eft , or If the robbers succeed In effectlnz
n entrance to the car , thov can bhoot
hrough Icopholes In the steel floor. Cven
f one turret Is captured the game Is not
up , for the train hands can retreat along
ho passage to the other turret , and , lock-
ng the Iron door behind them , begin the
ght all over again , and bin/to away n long
H ammunition lasts.
Hut thin last device Is n merciful QHP , In
hat It gives a man n fighting chance for
Is Ilfo , and docs rot May him without
vnrnlng , as does the first Invention de-
crlbed.
TUG PARBOILING PLAN.
Another Is Intensely cruel , hut I > 3 not In-
ended to kill the train robber. It Is merely
fbtlned to parboil him half to death and
eave him contorted with agony until the
rain hands pounce upon him and make him
n easy prisoner. In this CBRO the Invpntor
EsiimcB that the robbers have gained pos-
cFrflon of the car and have teirorl/ed the
uwsengcr so that lu > has consented to un-
uck the safe. It IB part of the scheme
f this Inventor that the safe bo placed
1 one > particular part of the ear. The art-
ul messenger , umlor the gentle stimulant
f u leveled revolver In the hands of the
rain rol'jer , awumes frightened compliance
Ith lilH wishes , anJ. pulling out his kuyH ,
olTera to lead the rnbbei where the treasure
Is sccuied ,
The Invention provides for a sliding door
Inimr * ! alely In front ot tha safp , and In
closing that corner of the car In which thn
immonger would stand to unlock the door
nf the strcng box As the nie-isongcr pre bcj
hh fcot on a rprlng In the door of the cai ,
the precise- position of which Is known only
to hlmuclf. Iho sliding i'cor tboots Into Ita
place shutting h in off from the robber and
Inclosing the messenger within a mvvly made
[ ompaitir.eit through whldi the robber could
dlschaige his firrarniH vvlthoit the lo t
possibility of any bul'ct pentttatlng to wheru
Iho meEtenger Eiaida
Hut the r bber would have by ibis time
turned tils attention to himself , for , with
thec los'ng of the sliding door , there will
appear before Us ttartled eyn a row of
pipes. Hcforo he will have had time to
hazard n guess i B to the imaiilng of this
remarkable ehnngo In the aspe.-t of affairs
ho will 'bo ' enveloped In a binning , bind
ing , agonizing olcuJ of eteani which will
burst from the row of pipes and strike
Ulm with fearful force It will bo nn
[ 'iiomy from which csiapo will bo Im
possible If the tn In rubier 'B ' not so com
pletely trolled as to bo fit only for a hospital
ivnrd ho will ondeavcr to crawl away from
ihlB hUslnrf , burning scalding demon , whoso
lery liieath la scorching him to the very
joneu. Hut whither will he turn to get away
from the steam , vvhleh in a few seconds will
nil the cart ?
The answer to th'-s question la If ft to the
hapless victim , The Inventor has left no
nay of escape. Ho was not racking his
trains to ni ko the tortnro easier for the
train robber. Having parboiled him , ho
leaves him to crawl out of the scrape the
best way ho can. His Invention Is for the
benefit of the train hands , not for the robbpr
Ho has shown this by allowing a mrans of
p c po for the messenger In case the con
finement within the scaled corner In which
ho has secluded lilmslf becomes too Irk
some. In the roof Immediately over the
corner where the strong hot Is to bo placed
the patentee's robber-proof car Is provide !
with a trap door that Is securely bulled on
the Inside. Uy climbing on the & 'fo the
messenger Is able to reach the rooof ttio
car and so scramble along to where he can
secure help , not so much for himself as for
the unfortunate crook who Is being steamed
to death In the car that ho had hoped to
rob.
STEAM PIlOTECTni ) ENGINES
This steam battery Is always ready for
action. Pipes run along the Inside walls
of the car and thence are connected with
the holler on the engine. Ammunition In
unlimited quantities Is always en tap
With such n terrible reception awaiting
him no this bath of steam , the traln-ToMilng
crnft may 'bo forgiven If they rctlro from
the business of raiding trains and take up
the less dangerous ono of attacking police
stations.
Another Invention Is Intended to trans
fer the steam torture to the loromottvo
of the train. It frequently happens that
trnln raMilng begins with nn nttack on
the engineer , with the object of bringing
the train to ft fctnmMlll. A hot reception
awaits the systematic train rol > ber . who
begins his nefarious scheme In this man
ner.
ner.The Invention consist" of a battery of
steam pipes all nround the top nnd side. ? t
of the locomotive. The engineer opens n
vnlvo , nnd Instantly the hot steam Is blown !
lu every direction , while sliding steel plates
which can bo let down all over the windows
dews In the cab , place the engineer nnd
fireman Insldo nn Impregnable barrier , from
whence 'they ' can ilefy the bullete of the
attacking force , while holding them off ,
with the BtQrm of steam
Should the robbcn ? ibe persistent and at
tempt to circumvent the locomotive steam |
defcn o by climbing up on the pilot nnd i
parolnjz. along : the running 'board nt the side- '
of the engine , the engineer , by means of n
lever lndo ! the cab , can lilt the running
board Inwardly , nnd as this board Is armed
w llli sharp epikes nlong Its edge' , the rob
ber will find himself wedged In between
the penetrntlng points of the Sjilkca. nnd
Ilm uncomfortably wjrm side of the briler ,
nnd here ho will bo flrmlv held until the
next station Is roached. when , what l.s left
of him , may l > e tokpn to the lockup or the
hospital , according to the amount of life
left in him.
AN ELECTRIC THIEF-TAKER
In another sensational Invention for de ,
fending the traveling treasure chest the
tnxentor has'been ' more merciful than cither
of the other two , but even with this device
.ho train robber had 'better ' insure his life
before stalling on his thieving cnterprlne.
It will glvo him a shock Unit he will re
member to hl3 last days.
A powerful electric battery Is connected
with the safe by means of wins i mining
tl rough the sides nnd connectel with a
battery concealed In the roof of the car
In freiit of the safe is n steel mat , \vhleh
s attached to the Lattery by wires. Tlie
tMef will Imagine that he has n clear field
before him , for It Is Intended that the cafe
si-all bo placed within easy reach of his
mnd , and in a spot that can be conveniently
cached. On be will come- , with a coiteiitej
nnlle on his face , and n this-ls-dead-eisv
feeling In his mind. When he comes In
noximlty to tlie steel mat a change will
cmo over the spirit of his dreams akin to
bat which WQG experienced by the EiVT'e
vho seized hold of Captain Nemos electric
landrail when bearding the Nautilus in
lulcs Verno's wonderful ronnnce
When the iobbcr'8 bind touches the
landle of the sifu nnd he begins to tri-
impbant'y tuin the knob he will be par-
clyrcd , twisted Into n knot and his thieving
unU'lon smashed Into trembling penlt-nc
jy the most tremendous shock that mortal
can experience and biirvlve. It will all have
como about through the nails in his shoe ?
coming In eontT-t with the electric mat
and thus completing the clicult There
vill bo no letting go. So long as his ban 1 Is
on tl'o knob trtul his metal-clad feet on the
rat the torture will continue.
TURN ON THE LIGHTS.
Sonic slight gleam of mercy Is shown in
ho awful tortuio devised by the Inventor
of tblb thief trap. Immediately over the
lectilcally protected safe the hivciitor ha1 *
daccd an Incandescent lamp , which bursts
nto light as soon ns the robber eomp'ctos
ho circuit and ptcps Into the torture chim-
> er. It Is the Intention of the inventor that
his llglu shall dlsclc.ie the presence of the
obber , s > o tbnt help can come before he Is
ortiired to death. Ho has apparently over-
ooked tha fnc > t 'that ' the cries of the tor-
ured iran will be ejulte sufficient In them
elves to bettay his prcfonce.
The robber is to be released by means o'
a switch , which turi.a off the current Pre-
umably ho will only be free when those
i ho guard the car have covered him with
VIn hcsters and mada sure that there is no
fight left In him.
The patent ofilce ofilcials have passed
hcEo three senratlonal devices , so that. In
ho opinion of those who are competent to
udgc , they are net bo freakish and Impos
ibio ol adoption os may seem at first sight
\ nether or not the lallroads will reward
ho inventors by p-julpplng their roads with
ho contrivances renalm to hii seen It Is
obtain that the trainrobbingfritcrrity may
jcgln to view the situation with apprchen-
lon , for the mere thought of such tortiir-
ng weipexns Is enough tc frighten the bold-
st desperado Into forsaking the crooked
vay s.
Children and adults tortured by burns
calcie Icijurlci. ' , eczema or skin elise , ses may
ecuro li'Htant relief by using PeWltt's Witch
lazel Sa'vc It Is the great Pile remedy.
Tr.-iln ItiuiN Into n Siioiv plow.
LAWRENCE. Mich , . Kob , 4. Train No. 4
n the Southhnven it Eastern n.iirovv gauge
oid . wrecked hero ttday nnd nt least
half do/en people vveie Injuied , It was
he tlr-it train through Klncn WemlneMlay
eon nnd left hero at & .IO. About n mile
rom the st uion the- snow plow Jumped the
rack nnd vv is piled Into by the two loco-
lotlves which drew the trnln and the t vo
oaebcH The Injuted nro : Generil M in-
gir Al V. Mciedlth , face bully tiurnod ;
Irakeman Lew llcrlmiiH faces burned nnd
miiv be Internally Irjniid ; Chief Engineer
; Drew IPKH hurt , O V. HaiiKS. Lake C'ora ,
eft foct smi hi'd , Chariot ) Mill , Paw Piiv ,
eft leg badly hurt mid flee burn d. One
nglne 'wan ' ruined nnd the other bally
.imaged.
Arnold's Hrotno Cefry currs hcadacbca ,
lOc.2rc nnd fiPc All diuqglftts.
TtrenO-Tito l.iieomolU ifor Europe
PHILADELPHIA , Keb. I. 'no Hrltlsh
steamer Majestic ! mn been chat tired to
carry twenty-two locomotive H and a gen
eral cnri'o from this port to the Finland
government T e loe1 motives nre being
shipped by the Halilvvm works The eon-
KlKiiment eonnlsts of ten p.uHnKir and
twclvi freight inglnes At the Ilaldwln
works locomotlvm are being bill t for Nor
way , Japiu , Africa and oth r e'oiintrles
which formerly got tiem from o JUT pliec.i.
Try Qrain = O !
TryGrain-OI |
As\ you O'ofer to day to uliovv you
n jiaaiagoof OUAIN-O , the now food
d.isrtlhnt tuVs the jilueo lit coffee.
'Jho eh.Idrci nuy driuV it without
inju.y in vvo'.I aj t jo tulu'.l. ' AH who
try it , llko i' . ( JHAIN'-O lias that
itch Heul blown of Modi i or J.iva ,
but it id undo from [ iiiro ijralns , and
( ho most deli -n'.o B'XHIIIIO'I receives it
withoutdiBtress. thopricoof coffue.
1C cents mill i5 ! cents pur jmckage.
f5old by all jirowrd.
Tastes like Coffee
Looks like Coffee
IntUt that your grocer gives jonQItAIN-O
Accept no Imitation.
TOILET AND BATH
requirements arc
perfectly met In
Wool Sonp.
There may be
more expensive
soaps , but nuns
betle. . / / it > .
'saluttrt ' [ < tirt. For - > r - \
the bath It la
pleasant , sooth
Inp nnel delight *
lu ) .
1 here's only
one M > ap that
\\o'i't shrink
woolens , You
muM choose be-
My Mama I Wish Mlno
UaoJ Mot ) tuccn no soap
and
.Mother * ! MotnrrMI Mother * ! ! !
Mrs. Wlnntow'n ScothlnK Syrup tin * been
for over to ycnr lit millions of mothers lot
their children while teething \\lth not feet sue *
ceBB. It toothcs the child , Foftcno the Kill" ' ,
nlliijn nil pain , cures wlnJ i-ollc. nnd I * the lion
rcmeilf for Dlnrrhoen. SoUl by ilniRglnls In
every I'nrt of the woilil. He mro niul n. k for
"Mra Wlnilrw'i SoothltiK S > riu > " anil take no
other ktni ! K cents n liottlp
AVIi > ( Id > ( iu Miilk alioiit ln If
ill-nil f AVIi > ( Id jou shiver unit
ntinkef \ \ li > ( Id jou Ircinlilc vvlicu
jdii nee Ndiuc Irlllliiu dinmer lie-
Tori * 5 ( in f Onl ) liecniKC j oil lire
jtixt lintfn IIIHII nml no ) n WHOM :
( inc. I'll ii jou not ! NCC thnt > on lire
KelltliK Morse Trniii ila > lo lint ,
( oof A\'li > ulidiilil jdiif \dii Know
that "lliulj nn" tins sin cd tlidii-
NiiuilH llldii thdllsninlH oT e isi-s
tlititvrre i * > er MO iniirli ivor i *
I tin n jour own \\Iij not let It
8II\ | ' jouf < ' 'n r liclim it wenK-
Hi1 niniil' . Ari > joii nfi-ild
( hat jon IIIMI * none too fnrf Do
mil worrj. There are plcntj of
V\IIJN for jou to liiMMinii1 iiNsiireil
( hat jour i\eiil > ut-sNeN can he
overcome \\rlti-lllKln K for vonic
lii-ddf of K ( o ( ho liiKlltlltc. II
will not cdsl jou iiujdiliiK. " ( ' (
wliu ( IIIIN he en dour Tor ( In1 rr l
( if I lir worlil. Vud xecllip he-
tll-M1 !
Hudson Medical Institute ,
siiu-Kldii , Market ami Ullls < < ( N. ,
.sail Krant'lNoo ,
( "iillliirnlii.
If joii are lu < louh ( UN ( o whether j no
Iia\e lilnoil tuliit la auj of KM foi ait
MrKf for "Illl-dnj hlood ctirc" clreMi-
larn auil ( csduioulalM. ' 1 licj art * ( | illlc
ii M frt-t1 UN "Ilmti an" Inloraiallon , and
NO IN ( he IH-M ( and ( ho MinarcNl UUM-
Ii-tI in\lci- ! lu the \\orld
Searles & Searles
SPECIALISTS
Riinruntoc tn cure Hiiocillljunil null.
cully all M3KVOli > , CUItOMO A r
IMIIVATIS illticiiHCH of lli'ii nnd vtoinuiu
WEAK H.N SYPHILIS
SUXUALLY. cured for life.
Night Kmlsslons , Lei > t Manhood , IIj'
/Srocele , Vericocele , Qonorrhoa , Gleet , Sj'ph- .
Ills , Stricture , Piles , Fistula and Kectal
Ulcers , DlaboteB. I3rlht's ( Disease cured.
Consult ition Free-
by new method -without pain or cutting.
Gallon or address with stamp. Treatment
by mall ,
DfiS. SEARLES 8 Mitt.
OiVlA
MEDICAL
AM )
tasfifufe
AH 1 O D
SPECIALISTS
In the treatment of nil
Clir.nic , Kcrvous anj Pr.vatc DIssasjs ,
nml nil WF.AKMiaSKS llSFfil
niul IHMXfDr.ktt Oi > tllUfl
Cntnrrli , ull Dlbeu-ox of tlie N' e Tiio.it , Chest
Hluinuch , I.hei , llh , . .I . t-l.ln mid Kldnvy Ilia-
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