OF *
F
THE OMAHA DAILY BEE : SUNDAY , DECEMBER 10 , 1807.
TOMMY ATKINS' GREAT DAY
T ay Observances in the Er.b'i ; h
Army.
THE PUDDING , THE PIG AND THE PORTER
InVlilcli B cry Siilillrr
I'nrllclintrMTli * Only Time Ill-
lit Allimeil to Utcmtcp
All Iomiu ! > .
Christmas day to She noldlcr In the United
States army rotund little more than an an
nually recurring holiday , with Hi customary
plum pucidlog an ] freedom Irora drill , bring
ing olxo to the more fortunate , perhar , > i
day % leave on which to visit old Irleadi oad
relation * . There ore practloilly no regi
mental or service traditions connected with
the great fea.it , and , though discipline Is
sMglitlr relaxed tor the day , yet there is but
little o' distinguish Christmas from the other
great ( American uolldaje.
Dul to the IlrltUh soldier Christmas It the
"day of dayi , " a brief , flitting term during
fthlch ( ho military character IB relegated tea
a back scat and "Tommy" enjoys a abort
ro'uio to civilian life and liberties. The men
left In barracks who , whether from choice
of necessity have not yet taken their month' *
"furlough , " begin to look forward to the
annual mcrrjmaking for weeks beforehand
and speak of It for days afterward with en
nffostlonitc remembrance. That U , 4-be old
binds , or veterans ; to the younger genera-
tlca. unacquainted with the traditions ot the
eervlco ul dazzled by modern cricket
luncheon , regimental races and the annual
" ports mco'lng , " Christmas Is no looser
dinners to the cook house , ana orderly men
are deUllod to take turns t watching me
culinary operations during the- lonely hours
of the night. And wakeful mtMt the watch-
ert be , for an Improperly cooked or burnt
plum pudding means condign putishme. . !
"well laid on" for the offender
nevellle ! How alert everyone teems this
colJ ChrUtmaa morning no turning over tor
Just another five minutes' snooze all IB life
and bustle In the barrack rooms , for the
great day has dawned at last. Hat-tat1
"Good morning ! A. merry Xmaa to all of
youl" mr a strong , cheery voice , as pres
ently the "woman" of the room , who washes
the men's { ( rings for them and U herself a
soldier's wife , eking out a scant competence
by the work , appears , according to tradi
tional uraso , and from tie Innermost re-
ccites ot her mysterious apparel produces a
bottle and a glaw the latter , of course ,
empty , but the former filled with seme queer
but potent spirits. A mta ure to ever ? In
mate ot the room , starting with the oldest , Is
this lady'rt program , and it Is carried out
without any variations , cave that , perhaps ,
to the Intrxt-Joljic.l recruit she may admin
ister a kiss tnstoid of a "caulker. " advising
him at the same tlmo to henceforth consider
the regiment MX mother.
LAYING OUT THE TABLES.
This Interesting Inauguration ceremony
over , attention Is devoted to breakfast and
preparing for church parade. ( Already one
begins to observe a flushed look among aome
ot the more reckless characters , for , though
the canteen will not open till noon , , and the
barrel in tie corner will not be tapped till
after dinner , yet the soldier that wants a
drink can always procure it from some mys
terious sourceno matter what 1he visible
and outward restrictions may be. But today
that unmistakable look passes seemingly un
noticed by the Inspecting officers add Im
mediately after service every rain has bis
work cut out to assist In the blrrack room.
Hero the tabled are laid out , clean sheets
for tablecloths and the crockery borrowed
from the married women of the regiment.
P.-ery knife , fork and basin is polished till
li elines again and -when at hat the steam-
In hot dltfc&j are brought la by the cook's
matc.5. both the nostrils ted the eyes are
A CHRISTMAS DINNER.
such an object of veneration , and has -been
somewhat shorn of Its pristine glory and
splendor. Yet enough ot the old-time prac
tices remain to make an account o'f them
prove -highly Interesting an ! diverting to an
"outsider. "
THE PREPARATIONS BEGIN.
About a month before the great day the
steady , prudent men t > ogln to save from their
"pocket money" whatever small sums they
can , , laying these by In hoarding receptacles ,
or "dltumocklng bags. " as they are called ,
with a view to enhancing the festivities by a
contribution on Christmas eve. Some there
are uho , doubting their ability to refrain
from consuming their regular quantity of
beer and tobacco at the canteen , so long as
the Jingling coppers seem to burn holes In
ttelr pockets , request the sergeant major to
deduct so much from their weekly pay and
put It down to the regimental Christmas
dinner fund : In the vernacular , they are said
to be "en the peg. " or under "stoppages. "
As a consequence of this abstinence , the
morning "defaulter's list" begins to diminish
and the guatd room to show a corresponding
lack of inmates , for punishment at this sea
son means a probable loss of privileges , and
Incurring penalties , such as being detailed ,
for guard duty on the day Itself.
Soon the barrack rooms begin to assume an
unwonted aspect , and the orderly officer con
veniently wlaks at the disordered state of the
walls and roof during the days devoted to
decoration. The ever-present handy man is
detailed to superintend the work of ornamen
tation , and under his directions , and with bis
assistants , tee occupants of each room de
vote their lelsuic time to adorning the walls ,
roofs , fireplace , and even doors , with unique
reproductions of thet glmental motto and
crest , wtlle seasonable Illustrations from the
current papers and periodicals are pinned up
in every vacant spot , and elaborate festoons
of colored or glided paper endow the banging
lamps or gas Jt-ts with an extraordinary ap
pearance of gayoty. 'At ' the dullest of times
the bare look of the barrack room Is relieved
by some pretty and attractive decorations ,
but at Christmastime "gorgeous" is the only
word that conveys an liTea of the effect pro
duced. Adjacent shrubberies oven are de-
gnolled under the cover of darkness to supply
the "green stuff" necessary , and holly
mistletoe and evergreens endeavor to conceal
the Objectionable white-washed walls.
CONTEST OF THE GOOSE AND THE PIG.
The major , captain and subaltern officers ,
also contribute liberally to the fund , pro
viding each a quart of beer per man or o
load of coil 'to ' each room , and adding a sub
stantial sum In money to aid in oWnlnlne
the all-Important dinner. A moat amusing
feature Is the Inevitable debate among the
members of each barrack room as to what
etull bo obtained as the piece de resistance
for the feast. It must be remembered that
lathe Drltlsh army the men sleep and eat
In the same apartment , twelve or four-teen
( beds being allotted to each barrack roam.
Hence , each company contains several small
"mes&cs" which are distinct. Generally the
occupants of two rocxs form a mess of
about twenty-four or ( twenty-five In one of
the rooms ; this is especially the case on
great occasions such as 4he prcaent. Now
ancient custom and tlme-honoroj traditions
hsve decreed that < here are but two dUhea
fit for a Christmas dinner roast gooss and
roast pork. Rarely , If ever. U this rule de
parted from , and naturally the adherents or
cither delicacy are very stubborn and Ir
reconcilable , It U a curious fact thvt the
olrt eoldler Inclines to the homely but satis
fying "bird. " wlille the " 'crulty" and young
soldier seems equally prejudiced In favor of
the more- succulent pig. Jn deciding thu
lino'ty question the majority , of course , la
bound to rule , and the disappointed "gour
mands" take to their defeat very kindly , to
Judge fcy results at the table. The usual
acalo of provision is one gooee or a leg of
pork to e > ery three men ,
Early on the oigerly awaited "eve" the
corporal In charge of each room collects the
"dlminocked" hoards and obtains the "stop
pages" money from the ssrgeant major. The
Utter ofBclil undertake * the necessary mar-
ket'og , while the corporals < ire commlnloned
to expend the mosey they have obtained In
purchasing * keg of beer and some bottles
of wine or iplrlti. THO gallons of porter
( always porter ) to a man la the customary
allow acce. BO that a fair-sited keg must be
liad and In order that no undue exptme be
Incurred , this article Is always procured , if
the corporal be astute , from the nc-ireat
brewery.
brewery.THE CHRISTMAS PUDDING.
The preparation and cooking of the Christ.
ma puddlec U a. momentous affair ; toward
the evening ese can see the men working
bard in each room , etonlne ( rult , beating
cgg and chopping fuel , under the careful
lupervislon of tome gray-haired veteran , whu
laboriously cons over and over again a be-
thumed and ragged recipe. The pudding
mixed , and every man .having given it a good
* tlr , to ensure uccett , cleaa toweli , carefully -
fully preserved tor the occMiUm. are used to
rap It up lo , * nd then a email procession
J5cort4 tbU ! & qua nou ot All CbrUtmu
pleasantly assailed. Before the brave fel
lows can begin the repjst , however , It la nec
essary to receive the officers.
First comes the officer of the day. with his
customary brief visit. Then enters on the
scene the colonel , attended by the battalion
major , company c taln and subaltern offi
cers. After the usual inquiry as to complaints ,
the colonel In a few pleasant words admires
the decorations and wishes the men a merry
Christmas. In response a subdued "Same to
you , sir , and many of them , " Is heard , and
the officers are Invited to partake of wine or
spirits , as they prefer , wlilch the sergeant
offers on a waiter. A hearty cheer Is then
given for the colonel and another for each
of the officers , in the midst ot which the lat
ter hasten out to the next room , though you
will generally find the last-Joined subaltern
lagging behind to hear his name chered and
rejoice In his popularity !
And now- they fall to , those hungry devils ,
for many a one ate little or no breakfast in
order to have the more room for dinner , and
the roast meat is washed down with the offi
cers' quarts of beer , followed by the glorious
plum-pudding and moro beer. Then the tuck-
cart man , who has lain In a large supply of
fruit , sweets and other delicacies , provides
the dessert from his cart , and preparations
are made for the afternoon sitting. Beds ,
forms and tables are crowded round the roarIng -
Ing fire ; the barrel of porter so wistfully
eyed all the morning is broached at last and
a large tin pale filled from It Is handed round
to replenish the vessels which do duty for
mugs.
H.VPPV PERIOD OP HIS LIFE.
Tobacco and pipes are put In requisition ,
and Tommy Atkins enjoys for a brief , happy
period the delight of .bis life an unlimited
quantity of beer , openly consumed In bar
racks. By and' ' by the married men and their
wives diop in a "little something hot" is al
ways ready fo- the womenklnd. Songs are
the order of the day. always sentimental be
It noted , for Tommy despises your comic
song , and has only a passing fancy for those
of a bacchanalian type. Beer and songs
songs and beer that Is his summum bonum.
Speeches are the exception , for those that
would cannot , and "the few that could will
not waste their time In mere words. And
when at last the keg Is emptied another
"dead marine , " says Tommy. amJ turns his
attention to levying sufficient funds to lay in
a supply of the necessarily inferior canteen
brand. And so It gees on till "lights out"
sounds , and another Christmas day is gone
over to the majority.Among the officers the
celebration ot the day Is conducted on a
quieter scale. A supper , of which the exhibi
tion ot the regimental plate U quite a fea
ture , speechmaklng and dignified Jollity all
around are the order of the day.
R. SCALUN.
Lieutenant Royal Artillery ,
GOSSIP AIIOUT > OTID rnopLn.
Divid Hume , the historian , one made an
offer of nnrrlage to a lady who refused him ,
but vthcse friends shortly afterward con
veyed to him the Intelligence that she had
changed her mind. "So h-ive I , " replied
Oavld. laconically , "so have I. " and he lived
acid died in single blessedness.
The pope does his private writing with a
gold pen , but his pontifical signature Is
always given with a white-feathered quill ,
which Is believed to come from the wing of
a dove , though persons who have seen It soy
Its origin must nave been a larger bird. The
came quill has been In use mere tuin forty
years. It cerves only for Important occasions ,
and is kept In an ivory case ,
John H. Reagan , the last survivor ot Jef
ferson Davis * cabinet. Is a candidate to suc
ceed Roger Q. Mills ai senator from Texas ,
Judge Reagan we/i a member ot congress be
fore the war , postmaster general of the con
federacy and a member of congress and a
senator from Texas. Resigning bis tMt a few
years ago In the senate , he accepted the
chalrmansh'o of the Texas Railway Com
merce commission , and holds tbit office et
the pre&cat time.
The Academy tells a story of Mr , Kipling
when be was a lad. He went en a sea voyage
with his father. Soon after the vessel was
under way Lock wood Kipling went below ,
leaving the b : > y on deck. Presently there wai
a great commotion overhead and one of the
ship's offlrers rushed dona and banged at
Mr , Klpllng'i door. "Mr. Kipling , " he cried ,
"your boy tm crawled out on the yardarm.
and If he let's go he'll drown. " "Yes. " said
Mr. Kipling , glad to know that nothing seri
ous waa the nutter , "but be won't let go. "
William Fay of Muikegon. Mich. . Is prob
ably the only survivor ot the grand Jury that
Indicted Jefferson Davis for treason at Nor
folk In 1S66. Mr. Pay went from Massachu
setts to Richmond In ISO and was engaged
In blp building when tbo war broke out.
Ho took an active stand for the union , and
wasthrown , Into prison , where ha remained
until 1SCI. After tils wcipe be i.-rved u e.
Glasses , Lamps , Purses , Toilet
Ware. \
.Price * Inwnr ttinn the lowest qtinllty nlwnvn
fjuarantocd seeds all Mow and tlio latest dc-
BlRns ? 100,000 stock to select from.
Open evenings.
A.
' "
Lead log Jeweler 5. E. Cor. t6lli & Farnam.
you can make her a Christmas
present of a ton of Hard Coal. Two thousand pounds in the ton
if you order it from
D. T. MOUNT ,
Brown Block Tel. 402 208 S. 16th St
feast your eyes upon the finest line
w of Pocket Cutlery west of New York
What more appropriate for Xmas Gifts for
gentleman lacly boy or girl than a Pocket
Knife ? Quality first prices low.
Call and see whether we speak the truth or not.
CARTER HARDWARE CO , ,
1405 Douglas Street.
3PROTE1O
Woodijiei ) of ike World *
A RECORD BREAKER GREATEST PROGRESS EVER MADE
3,500 Camps 125,000 Members SUuOO,000 Paid to Beneficiaries
1,500 Monuments Erected.
Average les < ? than. 11 assessments per year. Fixed low rates , A J100 monument
plnctnl at every crave. An emergency fund , limiting- the number ot assessments. Join
a camp of the Woodmen of the World. Organizers wanted In every state. Address
J. . ROOT ,
Sovereign Commander Omaha , Neb.
Send her a box ofTTpAI 1AM
l l
Balduffs famous A * Iwl
CHOCOLATES
Packed in tin boxes which insures theirsafe delivery.
A full line of Christmas Confections. , u.i
152-0 Farnam St.
CHRISTMAS BARGAINS A Dead Give-Away We'll Get There- A Child Can Buy as Cheap as a Man
and leather goods For Christmas
out plush
Closing
If your water pipes burst If there Is any
JJ.M Collar and Cuff boxes , . " e thing In the world the matter iwlth your
. boxes . I1JW Commencing Monday of Christmas week we
.DO Collar and Cud
The gentlemen will appreciate something
} 2. < X > Necktie boxes . . . = give to each lady purchaser a handsome ,
00 Jewel case . . . ' ' ! ' PLUMBING '
> 'li's
H.M Stating Pets . - - - . "fj thing really fine in Shoes we've
H.OO .W Work Manicure boxes Sets . . . * ' . " > Japanese Silk Doily Just telephone us anil "we'll get there" do something in a genuine French calf
articles OUR BARGAIN worth three COUNTER times the price contains atked. many the work quick and at the same ' time right patent leather shoe in all the latest
article In plush In our store at less than or a Japaness Wooden Mat. These are very and when you pay for it you'll find you
Any haven't been overcharged That's the way that would
toes gentleman
of Omaha
neat eouvenirs and the ladles . any
CELLULOID TOILET CASES- we do our .work We render our bills on the
etc The most beautiful ever ones brought ha\e heretofore lo Omaha. should at least make their coffee and tea. purchases basis "for value received. " be glad to receive a large line of
aivl than common
.
olieaper chases here this week.
PE'RHUMBS < In decorated cut glare bittles ) Slippers bought especially for
KRUGBR BROS-
All the leadlnir makes new goods Watch for - , Christmas .
gifts.
will be the cheapest
prlce they
our
Traveling . cases , pocket books , triplicate mir Omaha Tea and Coffee Co ,
,
rors. The Plumbers
, A , D. MORSE ,
Fuller & Co. Hth& Douglas ' 1407 Douglas St. .
J.A. Telephone 1270 1110 Farnam St. 1517 Douglas St.
Can't Break 'Em What a slow Holiday Gifts There's Not a Man-
process the
Rubber Dogs Rubber FIcphants If he smokes , who will not appreciate a fine
Rubber Cats Rubber Camels- old way must For Gentlemen pipe or a box of clears. , That's -why we call
attention to our stock of elegant
Rubber Dolls. have been for
COMAll A\D CUFF CASKS
We've a tremendous stock of Rubber boiling water SILK UMimEM.A.S Meerschaum and Briar Pipes
Dolls from the smallest to the extra large .
HA.MlICnilCIlIBFS
size ones all colors , too. but nowadays - SILlv
Rubber Ball.i-Innated Velvet Calls. l-IXKX IIAYDKCIiCHIEFS
All no * ) and pretty designs bought for the
Don't forget we sell days we put PIM3 - XKCK\VKAIl _ holiday trade. Then we make a specialty
I-IXB GLOVIS of handsome * packages of all the standard
Mackintoshes - - hot water attachments KAXCV VKSTS brands of Domestic and Clear Havana
PAXCY MCIIT HOI1KS Cigar ? , put up in boxes of 13 and 23. It
For ladles , from C.S5 . to J27.00 $25.00 tachments in your stove , that will SILK MUFFLEHS , ETC. you're going to buy smokers' articles , better
For , from J1.75 to '
men see us , for we're running a cut price Btoro
riot cooking
Our Seamless Medicated Rubber Toilet give you plenty water for washinp , and sell lower than the other fellers.
Glove-3 are guaranteed to cure chapped ing or bathing purposes , in a very short time. Williams & Smith
hands In one night. Wo carry water backs tind fronts for all Co. W. C. MORRIS'
Omaha Tent & Rubber Co. stoves and ranges. TAILORS AND FURNISHERS
. , OMAHA STOVE REPAIR WORKS. , CUT PRICE CIGAR STORE
1404 Fnrnam.
1311 Farnam St , 1207 DouclasSt. Tel. 900. 1400 Farnam St.
spy. and on one occasion was cziitured and
wheii he saved
a rope was around his neck
hlmeelf and seiured bis escape by strategy.
It seems to be generally believed In Ger-
miny that Prof. Theodor Mommscn * as the
author of the recent incendlar/ appeal to
Austrian Teutonlsm which appeared In the
Xcue Frele Presse. Dr. Mommsen , who is
SO years of age. Is a Jamlllar object on the
streets of Derlin. He may be seen almost
daily In tbo public libraries , amcng the ordi
nary crowd of students. His Interest In con-
tencporary politics makes him , it times , a
very fire-eater. In 1870 he was known as the
"Franrosenfresser , " or devourer of French
men , and this In spite of a hatred of BU-
marck which once led the little man to chal
lenge bis gigantic foe to mortal combat.
"Henry George- , " says the Westminster Oa--
rette. "had a quaint humor of his own , and
could tell a good story agilnat himself. Dur
ing his Australian tour one of his friends
in Sydney suggested to the secretary of a
local racing club that it would be a grace
ful thing to send Mr. George a complimen-
ttry ticket for the race meeting then at
nans ! . The papers were at the time devot
ing many columns to reports of George's
meetings and discussions on nU doctrines ,
but the sportsmen bad evidently not read
them , 'Who Is Mr. George ? ' be Mked. 'I
never beard of him before. ' 'Why. he's a
man of worldwide celebrity. ' 'Does be own
any horse ? ' queried the eccretary. 'Yes ; two
very fast trotters , "Progrets" and "Pov
erty. " ' 'Oh. all right , ' slid the now satis
fied secretary ; 'here's a ticket for him. ' "
William Blake , who was the first white
settler in Pomona Valley , Cal , , and who died
recently , was a lieutenant In the United
States army in bU early days and accom
panied Fremont's first expedition acrosa tbo
plains In 1817. He was a participant In the
struggled about Monterey and Santa Cruz
that wrested GillfornU freni Mexico and he
tore dispatches from General Fremont to
Commodore S'.oit ' in negotiations for the
transfer of California from Mexico to the
United States government. Mr. BUke was
born in New York eighty-five years ago.
From time to time be owned tracts ot land
In California thtt are now worth fully Jl-
000,000 , but in spite of this he died a com
paratively poor man.
Yen MoHke > , whose letters of the Fwcco-
German campaign have Juit been publ'shed ,
was originally an oftlcerMn the Danish army
At the age cf 9 ycara he was entered ai *
royal cadet 1. c. , he was to bo educated at
the expense o ! the king , Frederic VI , In the
Copenhagen. Military academy , and he wore
the Dackh uniform until lie , u a gub'.lcu-
tnant , at the ago of 27 , petitioned the king
for three yesrs' leave to proceed to the con
tinent to study the military art , as he sayo
la his petition , "to be able on his return to
employ his acquirements for the good of
his country. " This petition was granted , but
the count also asked to be allowed to re
tain bis pay. and as the king refused tbU
ho took his discharge and entered the Prus
sian army.
For your summer ouTlng don't forget to
order a case of Cook's Imperial Champagne.
Nothing equals it.
TOM ) OUT OP COUHT.
A witness In a North Carolina state court
was asked on cross-examination \ he did not
testify In a former trta dlrectly "contrary lo
what he had just sworn to. " Ale replied , with
evident unconcern. "I dd ! , . > ) Tr"
Lawyer You did. W.elU .which was the
truth and which was the.lip !
Witness What I told fhe first time was a
He. and what I soy now Is ilia truth.
Lawyer And ain't you' a&haraed to confess
that you perjured yourso\f \ , in a court of
Justice ? ,
Witness Why , no , sir ; toot first time was
only the federal court ,
Lawyer Walter Bahin fXew York walked
Into Judge McMahon's cou t In general ses
sions , to argue a motloii 'lle laid his hat
on a table and began toVar'gue. A few min
utes later Court Officer Pete Seaman grabbed
the bat and ran with It 1nTo the cor/ldor.
"Hey ! " shouted Baban , "you've got my
hat. " 1- "
"I know It , " replied Scaicac , "but it Is on
fire. I just saw smoke coinlbB out of It. "
" ' " BahnnfMaugbliig. "the
"That's right , said .
smoke came from my cigar. The lawyer
showed Seaman a lighted cigar held by a
piece of metal. A small cloth envelope was
also held by the metal , * *
"What kind ot an Infernal machine ls
that ? " asked Seaman. "I thought you were
trying to blow up the court room. l' > e heard
of lawyers with wheels , but you are well
fixed. "
"I have just patented this'contrivance , "
Mr. Bahan told a reporter , "and Intend to
provide my brother lawyers with them. It
will cave them office rent. "
Mr , Diban's patent makes It possible for a
lawyer to have his office In hie bat. The
patent consists ot a metallic arrangement
fitting the Interior of the crown , with a cloth
envelope for law paper * . A little clajp just
to the left ot the envelope Is for lighted
cigars.
"Counsellor" Dill Brlen tells In the New
Orleans Time * the followlug story of uow be
passed his examination aj counselloratlaw
and obtained his license : "I had my-papers
filled out and walked ovtr to Judge Joe C.
GUI to pass my examination and hare my
papers signed. It was In the forenoon , and
Judge Gill , who , as everybody who knew
him was aware , was an ardent and success
ful turfman , at that tlmu hai Orphan Girl
in training for the Maxwell ( House ( .takes ,
to be run at Nashville , and Brakeman , who
was thought to have a pretty good chance of
winning the Merchants' stakes at St. Louis ,
both races being set down for the same day.
"I walked Into his office with my papers in
my hand , and looking up pleasant ! } , the
judge greeted me as follows :
" 'Good morning , William. I undetstand
you -vant to pass your examination and he a
lawyer ? '
" 'Yes , sir ; that's what I'm here for thin
n.ornlng. '
" 'Were you out at the tra'ck this morning
to bee the horses taking their work ? '
" 'Yes , sir. '
" 'Did you see that Kentucky crack , Lelox ,
and my mare Orphan Girl work ? '
" 'Yes , sir ; they both went a mile and you
know the track was a bit slow. Orphan Girl
finished up strcng and swinging all thiough
the last furlong In 0:47. : and Lelox was all
out and had the boy kicking him in 0:11 : Vs.
" 'I reckon my mare ban a pretty good
chance for the ( Maxwell ? ' "
" 'It looks like a certainty. Lelox Is all
shf. has to beat , and he's as good as done al
ready. '
" 'What kind of a plan would It be to send
Alcock to St. Louis with 'Brakeman for the
Merchants' stakes ? '
" 'The horse Is good now , and he has noth
ing to beat over there , Lan-l him In St ,
Louis all right , and It's as good as a walk
over. '
" 'I think I'll send him. Let me see ah ! I
thought I was forgetting soiaethtni ; ; we for
got all about the examination ; baud inc your
papers , William , and see me sign them. ' "
"Counsellor Bill" walked out with his duly
attested license , and a short time liter Judge
Gill won the Maxwell House staVeu and the
Merchants' stakes with Orphan Girl and
Brakeman.
The Boston Budget * ays tiat a merchant
who lives near IJostm numbers among bU
acquaintances and frienls so old colored
preacher , by whom he was recently Invited to
make a Sunday morning call > | t the church
over which the Utter presides , The mer
chant. although wishing -most aeartlly to ac
cept 436 Invitation and to bring his wife
also , was somewhat in doubt ai to the pro
priety of to doing. "I am afraid , " tie said.
la explaaitlon , "that our preier.ce would not
be wholly pleasant to your congregation. "
The thopberd reassured him. "Why. sab. "
ho exclaimed , "dere's M > many white folks In
dat church some Sundays man ccngregaibun
looks like a han'Iul of blueberries in a howl
of milk ! " ,
A pompous bishop , related a London paper ,
wao hiving his portrait painted and , after
sitting for an hour in silence , he thought
he would break the monotcoy. "How are
you getting along ? " Ac inquired.
To bis astonishment the artist , absorbed In
his work , replied : "Move your head a liule
to the right and chut your mouth. "
Not being accustomed to euch a form of
address his lordship asked : "May I ask why
jou address me in that manner ? "
The Artist ( still absorbed In his work "I
want to take off a little of your check. "
Mr. Bryce relates In tbc Lcadon News an
amusing anecdoUi which he got from a mis
sionary , IV Hiasuto had returned to his na
tive country from the diamond mines. He
described to the missionary bU experlencei
there. On one occasion his eye bad fallen
on a. valuable dlamcud in the clay he was
breaking Into fragments. While he was en
deavoring to pick It up he perceived the
overseer approaching , and , caving it by thLj
"time In his hand , was for a moment terribly
frightened , trio punishment for the theft
being very severe. The overse-er , however ,
passed ca. "And then , " tald the B-icuto ,
"I knew that there was Indeed a God , for be
had preserved me. "
The debt of tbo struggling little church In
the suburbs bad all been paid oft but J600 ,
relates the Chicago Tribune.
A clergyman noted for fall eklll and suc
cess ta raising church debts had been sent
for and wag conducting the morning service.
The eermon was over and the work of stir
ring up the audience to ( be requisite iMlcj of
entbuslaim bad begun. Subscriptions rose
rapidly -to { 200 , thto to $400 and , after cco-
tiderable effort , to $500 , where they stuck.
In vain the visiting brctber exhorted and
pleaded. The limit of the ( ash resources of
the congregation appeared to nave been
reached and ut last lie eat down , discouraged.
Then Brother I'tantui , a highly retpected
undertaker , who had made u liberal sub
scription already , roee nudeald :
"Brethren , this thing shan't fall through
after It has got ea far along as 1500. I be
lieve la a man giving as the Lord has pros
pered him and , although I have given a
pretty good sized donation , T am ready to do
more. I'll pay that last hundred dollari my
self. Here's my cieck for the amount. "
"I don't know your came , brother , "
ihouted the vUlting preacher , jumping to lilt
feet with eatbuiUttn , "but I hope your butl-
WE MAKE MEN
Weak and Impotent men can ti-cure
vigorous marital strength , \ltnlity and develop
ment In from tno to ten da > , and In 75 per cent
"IN : MUCH I-KSS SPACE OK TIMK.
by the UK ? of l > r , Archumbault's Wonderful
Paris Vital Sparks for a ehort time : SO frr cnt
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IriK. IVM * * . drulns ceace ut once. At 1 * t A
remedy that l > beneficial to all end that net *
on the orcar.B aa rapidly as a cathartic acti on
thn boweln , nver T.OW ImnMt | i tlmonlal . '
UK , AKCHAUIIAUUTB PARIS VITAL. SPAHK3
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pniCE : 3 < PKK PACKAGE- L'UL.1/
MONTH'S THATMENT-100 DOSC8.
SPECIAL OFFER :
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of "ParU Vital Sparki" for 4 $ one-cent stamp * .
X < > C. O. II. imrluiKrn or drc- < | > lvc rir-
rulur * enlllnu fur more money , but
( lit * iifliuil iiifillolii" ne > nl ullli full
illrrctloii * mill n tiiluiiltle iiic-illciil
Iiuprr. Nprurd ) ' xi-nlcd , free from oU-
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Paris Vital FparUs , a rafe medicine that can
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KAIL.INO VJGOIt IN C'AiiEd PAST KDIlTr
OUH OHKAT SPECIALTY.
Write today. Don't delay. Addrcra The Dr.
AHCHAMHAUUT CO. . Pembrl KJ Uonton.
Mass.
"glXflZKITY 111 ( peaking ai they think b .
llerlne HI tney pretend , acllne as they prefer * .
performing as they promise and being a * they
" ! r. cU h Dlu Bd Hr n4.
ENNYROYAL PILLS
Orl(1 l ud Only GrcnUe.
Arc. ! ; reiitu * . LACKS u
Pmcclrt lor Ckle\uttrt
, / flr J la 1U4 nd
iu. wild lii Uu rtbtoa. Tike
la vivai * br tnle&lMi , jtstliaoaltli
" llf lit f tor dltV I * lour. Ij rtttnt
UalL lu.oOUTcnmuic.ikU. * M / > w.
, IU < Iltu tvj w
! Jll L A UAI'JU '
I vnicsi
HKAliV'lWiiX
DYSPEPSIA an < l all hu.nmcli
Trouble * nulckl/ -
VI.ORAPJ.EXION. * *
mall or lirut.-tsu. Cirry drop U worth Id
weight In enld. nlien you n Kl II. Addm * ,
Frunldlti Jlarl , Dcpu j j hvtv
ness nil ! double during < be coming year , anj
I believe It will. "
i'ini : TO n.\i.n limns.
We 111 mail on application , tret Informa
tion hour to trow hair upon a bild dead , * to
falllDe hair and remove calp dUra e . AU >
dreu Altenbelm Uedlcal UltptuurDtp't L Ml
Iox 77V , QnclODfttl. Otilo.
,
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a1 * * ! * MVnrfrtfa.iMiir'te ' i iiimVui ifijjTfjiifrtfUiHifj ! T iHJ ( i - . < * k * *
