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About Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 3, 1895)
I I . I/ / W 20 TITE OMAHA : DAILY BEE : SUNDAY , NOVJ MBEt 3 , 18JJ. ! / ' - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - i w ' wl M ) , . ' h fe / + . ( u ( e , w d tr ' ai f'a ' + . a .w rt w ws THE SUBSTITUTE. t s ' )1 , A FOOT BALL STOny. N' IT . N'.w ' .w II ) ' 'ulter C/lIIII" 0 : " 21 f.J ( 4 a r. } t : . G.FrlE < " ' . , ' ' " - - ( Copyright , 1693 , by . Wnlter Camp ) CIIAPTBlt I. I TilE CIIAP WITH NnW SIIOES : ' I have been out ot college now for five , I years and It I were asked what episode at my college life stands out most vividly ! In my memory I could not honestly say It was directly connected with currIculum proper. When I came to college ! from a prepara II I tory school In Massachusetts : I had l one I fixed hlea In my head and that was that , i I had made < a failure In athletics I had tried for the school foot bail team and < after two seasons ot hard work had se- I cured only the position of subslltute. I wanted to bo heavy now while I was I. , ' 16 . and I wanted , ah ! how I did want with I all the abandon of a sIngle ambilion to get on the 'arslty team when I went to college ! At last came the 22d ot September , the day I was to leave for Llttlet9n , for I had passed my examinations In June , and my father had engaged rooms for mo at Lillie- ton , so that nil I had to do was to go down and unpack my traps and become n real rnshman , a member of the class ot ' \)1. \ ) I remember so vividly my first day In Lltlleton There were but four men from St. Peter's who came down that year , though , j 1 since wo have rent ns litany ns twenty-five , at n time fly : ono particular friend was . harry Holllan , n boy ot about my own age , who came from the west , and whose then great merit In my eyes was his Infallible good nature , and his undisguised belief In my abIlity to do great things. The eventful Saturday came when wo were to go on the fielll , and after lunch I went j upstairs and changed , and ae I laced up my canvas jacket my halllis shook so that I could < 1 hardly find the holes for the strlns ! : I hall bought a new pair of shoes for my old < ones were too short and hurt my toes , my foot having Rcpt I pace with the rest of me evidently , but I knew enough not to put on a new white jacket or trousers and so be guyed hy the crowc1 We had keen told that a bare ! : for the freshmen would start from the corner at 2:4G : sharp , and LIS I looked at lilY watch I found II was only ten minutes tq 21 ! I collidn't sit still , I was so nervous , m and I wondered whether It wouldn't be a Ito\'d \ thing to walk out to the grounds. lust then Harry cane In. "What , dressed didn't and so I meekly said , "Yes , sir , " and jumped to lilY teet. "I \'Cr played end " "Yes , sir , " said I. "Come along then , and play It here , and mind one thing-don't let mo see you let any titan go outside ) 'OU , " i ran out to the line : IIyl ! how those new shoes hal , begun to hurt , but my heart was sort to them , for was 1 not "the fellow with the new shoes , " and were not two other fellows still longing for the chance 1 got ? I 1I0n't Imagine I distinguished myself very much Irt fact , I dOll't remember much about the rest of the afternoon except that I watched that vide line like \ a cat watches a mouse , and as a. result let n runner come between mo and the tackle rather more than I should have done In my days ot riper experIence. But haln't , llr. : Dyson said , "Ion't let a man get outside ot you I" ! And I dliJn't , However , I was laid off at the end ot the second fifteen mInutes but allowed to play again toward the latter part of the third fifteen minutes , and when we all crowded Into the barge and started for home , I was sore and lame and tired , but happy how good ! : a tub felt when I got to lilY rooms , and how fine It felt to get ! : those new shoes off , I remember to thIs day. We played : every afternoon , and once 1 had a chance to play all the time. That was Wednesday , and , when the two teams were IIrst lined up , I was not on. But after a few minutes Dyson said : "I want that chap with the new shoes , who played end hero Saturday , " and Roland beck- oned to me "What's your name ? " salll Dyson , as I walked out "Goddard , sir , " said L " \\'ell , GOtldarll , 'ou'\'e got one good ! : point , yon can hug the line , but see if I you can't sometimes think of what's going on on the other side ot you. You'vo got two eyes. Can you see out of both ? " "Yes , sir , " "See that you keep them open then , " and with that he left ! me. And I tried to see out of both eyes , and kept on trying to see out of them , but when the Interference cause bowling ! : along and I worltd In at it . the runner slipped outside my end and when I shut It In , the runner wEnt between me and tackle , until I could feel rather than see , the look of scorn that there must be on Dyson's face , Bat after the practice was over lee came up to ml and said : "non't you get discouraged Goc1c1anl , no man knows It all In II day and you'ro com- Ing on. " " i 'CY . , 1 . . . . . . i f , . 1 - , , ' " i fj 1 "r . I i' rT r ; 3 - , , 1h , e r w f \ y = ! . . , . tits l r n _ } ; 'S4 ' I h . .r , /4 , . m k r ' s I , : N , . . " , . . , _ , \ r n " . ° u N ' i 4 N ; - ; : - . " = _ fSI > . . , , ' j dJ/ , _ j . . . \ . . q O U - , /I , . a Q , ' ; ' o 4w"I. . 5o .f/ , t , " . . . : r "YOU CHAP WITH THE NEW SlIOES " ' . already , oM chap , you am smart ! I suppose ' . . you think 'lirst come first served , ' and here ' ' " 'first eleven ! Then seeing that I IIIc1n't feel like Jolting , he Quickly added "I've heard them say that 1I0wn hero the first thIng they want of a freshman Is to have him hanging around 1 where they can put theIr hands on hIm when I he's wanted , and I fancy 'ou'li be there. " "I want to wails out to the grounds Harrr , " I said : "como along " "All right , I'm your man , " said lie When we reached the grounds not a soul was there save the two chaps who were marking out the grounds Presently a few stroller ! carne In-nono ot them were In toot ball rig , but lied apparenll come out to lock on. I bean ! : to feel as though I was a conspIcuous figure ! ' ; on time lallliscapo , and my feet In my new shoes seemed to grow to an enormous 617.e "AspIrIng freshman , evidently , " 1 heard one of them remark , hut I lost the rest. Dy twos and threes more came straggling In and presently , drawn by four horses , came a barge filled to the very brIm with men In all kinds of suits , from the broad striped jersey to the shining new canvas jacket , but there watt ! no mistaking ! : them for anything but t freshmen , and their regalia had a preparatory - tory school tone to It sane way ulllllsgul8e- able As they were piling out and stretchIng - Ing their cramped legs ! : another barge came trundling up , hut there was a dIfferent aIr about this one. Even the horses looked more bnslnes\lIte. \ The rig of the men was quite as motley liS that of the freshmen , but It was lacking In color. Tarry ] and 1 walked over to a flelll just o behind the 'yarslty , where already the halls were being punted and dropped here and tbel'e I noticed \ that , while on the 'yarslty 1 field there hall not been a single drop kick as I watched , nearly every freshman who was lucky enough to secure the leather Ilro- ceec1ell at once to show what ho coulll 110 at a drop. I have since learn ; d that this Is an unmistakable contrast that always ap- ! f pears In the two fiellls on the first days of Ilracllee. Fortunately for me , I hall always I ways played In the line when I had a chance I to play at nil , and so 1 had too little confidence - - deuce In my kicking powers to care to try ' them I Defore lon'c I saw a pleasant looking , thick j sot young man walk out Into the field t and commence to talk with some of the freshmen pla'ers. In a tow moments It was j evident that he was the varsity sub . who was to take charge of the freebmen , for he wandered hero allll there getting n name tram one and another and askIng quick , i short questions about the positions : they I had played \s there were no less than forty men In uniform on the field , and , as I I didn't know n soul , I felt that my chance : / of even haying a trial might bo rather slim , However I had made up my mind that even It 1 didn't get a show at first , I might be. tON the afternoon was over. So I tramped about and wailed Seen Mr DYfOOn- for one of the upper class men who were with him helping bun had called him "Tomm D.t1Jn , " so 1 knew that he was the Dyson who had played half until ho hall hurt his shoulder the previous yeu-hall two elevens lined up add the ball In the mlddlll ot the field In about fifteen minutes all the clean : toss wore too dust' and Grim to b : dlstingush ablE ! from the old ones , and the Iwentytwo men , with almost no exception , looked as If they hall never heard a more welcome round thap J1r [ . Dyson's call of "Tinto " That will do ' rut five minutes Wh1 / the play \1tl1rtel \ : again : almost 011 the first down one lit the end mrn sprained : , t his ankle , and Mr. Dyson helped ( ! him kindly \ 4 over to the lido line and then looking around , Ida eye lIghtbd on our little group : ot there 1 could feel him looking us over though 1 bled to feel IndlYerent. ! % "You chap with the new S'lO" " I believe my heart would have br n hr.k-n if : , aa I glanced quickly at the tour other t. ei.t t ' I had not seen any new L 1 l1ther there . but I I 'c . . I took those words home with mite . and If there had been an 'olectlon ' for a man to wear II little gold crown , Dyson could have had my vote. CIIAI'TEn II. AN 1lll'OHTANT : CALL . nut the last week In October , one memorable day came : , when there was a queer hush suddenly settled down over the 'vault ) ' Ileld. We had just stopped for a rest and the sulldm cessation or coaches' voices on the other lold ) made us all look over , and many jlrtrd to run across to see what was the .matler. A little group had formed In the ifllc1dle { of the fielll , and I could tee from Dyson's face as awe ran over that there was something very wrong " [ l'sVlllis and ( Warner , " salll the 'var- slly captain , Lngton : , to D'son , as he came up. They were our two 'varsity tackles and considered the best men on the field. "Ad- dison gave ! \Varner's signal ! : , but , somehow , they got mixed , and both Willis and Warner came round' like mac1-'ou know ! how they run-and ! met square behind Addison I'm afraid It Is serious " Dy this time Warner was silting up In a dazed sort or way , and asking what was the matter. Willis wu stretched out perfectly conscious , but at any attempt to touch him groaned out , "Look out for my shoulder " Hartley felt him over carefully and then turned to l.angt\1n \ and said : "His collar bone Is brelten. Better take him In " The big fellows of the line lifted him up IIIte a baby and look him over to a carriage , bolstered him up most tenderly , and two of them rode In with him. Hartley was by this lime talking with Warner who kept Insisting that he was all right ! : , but just II little c117.z ) ' . Hartley helped hIm up on his feet t , and after a little staggering ! : he walked about all rIght "Just a hard hit on the head , " 1 heard Ilarlley explain to I.angton "He'll be all right , but I'd lay hllll off for a day or two. " There was no more playing that afternoon for the lime was nearly up. We were all pretty quiet as we rode In , for there were no more popular fellows In college than thel'J two tackles , and the college idolized them In a quiet but sincere way. After dinner I was sitting In my room when there cams : a knock at the door and to my "come In" there entered D'son , I.angton and Fairfax , the latter the old captain and , present head \arslty coach To say that 1 was petrHlEd with astonll'hed awe was to jot It mildl ) ' , I was blundering about , pulling out chairs for tholll , when D'son In his jell ) ' voice was sa'ln ; < : : "Goddani I want to Introduce - trOlluce you to llr : , I'alftax. " "How are you , Godc1arJ , " " , \nd to Captain L'Inton. ! : " "Glad to Imo\\ you , Goddard " Fairfax took up the conversation at once "Godllarll , I want you to come over to the gym with u' , and find out how much you weigh , " and t ' till In halt II trance , I pulled m ) ' cap ! on and over we went. Wo went Into the dressing room , and Lang- ton said : "Just strip , will you plea ! ) , " and I proceeded to get oft my clothes- . as quickly I1S ever a fellow cculll , 1 mounted the scales , and I.angton and J.'nllfax leaned over In the halt Ihht to get the mark : I couldn't see what It was as I stood liP , but I remembered letting my breath all out In the crazy notion that It woull\ make me heavier , and hoping I might lip ISO , "Pretty light , " s:1111 : I.angton , and I thought my chance was 1one , "Oh , I dou't know , " palll Fairfax "It's aJ : much as I weighed aophmore year " and I came near huggIng 111m (1n the spot , "S\.dll \ down ; ' ulll alrrax , "and get Into you clothes : we'll walt for you , " I dressed again , getting 111) socks on wrong slllo out , and \ unable to find a collar button whIch h\d : fallen out II I threw do\\'n my I shirt. I pulled the shirt together with lilY cravat however and we marched back to ' I my roolll , Uyeon coin ! along with me and Fairfax and Langon following , talkIng very earnestly. and not a word could I hen , rc'pt : ; all 0l'e3l10n31 "late [ In ! he i seasohi , " 1'\Iver \ J'ad ( tile p\1cc' \ : ' and the like , W'hlcl ! set ate III a Jcrt ( ct fe" ' : ot exclleruelt. I I When we reached my rooms \1& all walkEl . , , . , . - ' - , . . " \ q" 1 . . , I 1. . . . - , ' 1 ; ' J . J P' P'f I . . , 1 ' .i , * - FROM TilE REv DR. EDWARD t. CLARK , fufor.fIA Paul Con rrgaliotaiCAuolyLufasifuf . ' _ , I "I I have used RfplOs : Tabulcs with so much satisfaction --r' . . that I now keep them always at hand They arc the only . e . remedy I me except hya ph'sicilII's prescription They . arc all they claim to bc " . EDWARD t. CLAR : : . . - . ) j t FROM Rev . 'PREDERIC R. MARVIN , , , . , , , , , ' , , . . , , . . , . , FdlfJ ( O/IIt'fHIlt ' JlnuorialChurdp Cn"t Garriug'fae.lLur 'I I regard the remedy as an excellelll Ionic and a most valuable amity me idnc. " v FREDERIC R. MAR\'IN. TRADE "A'II' . " ' ' r . r ) . . . " . - . . r , . - , _ " , . e . 1 . . L A S J Y O , . " f 5 t1 1 " 'io . ' . " " , .1' , " " : ; ; : : : ; a : . . . . . . , . if . . C . ' ' ' , . . . . . , . ' . , : " . . " . . . . . . , . : , ' , " . , . " 'J " . , ' " - . . . , " . , - . . , ' I . S E p / . - - ; , , : . : . JVST ( l'l ' - l 'hardly _ _ realize - - that ! - headaches ; and dyspepsia , and , forty ; other J , 4 ' ' ) fir' ' miseries or more , all come from one cause , and that taking a separate rem- , . , cdy for _ each sYmPtom . is like picking the leaves off an obnoxious tree instead of \ 'I ' ' , ' , . . . " . . ' striking _ the root. Headache , or sluggishness , or disordered stomach , or constipa- ' it Ij 'II ' r . . " . : . 'j ' , . , ; ' ton ) , or offensive breath-show - that either the stomach or bowels , or the liver , are not I " " . t . . . _ , - doing their natural work , and Ripens _ abules : go to the root of all these difficulties } , ' t I cr. . ; ! , and many others .at once , by immediately correcting . " . the stomach and gently stimu- . " ' ' - 'r ' : " , , ' lating the liver and bowels to health r action - I " < ' ! : . / --t . F ; . . ; T. ; , - or. -i. - . ' . . ; " , " ' . "r' ; h ; , . . , , " - . . r - ; . . - These _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Tabules _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ are _ _ _ _ _ _ _ the _ _ _ _ _ _ accurate _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ prescription _ _ _ _ _ _ _ - - of - a _ regular _ _ _ _ _ physIcian _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ; _ they _ _ _ _ are _ _ a _ " I' . . , 1 ' , " ; " , ir" : ; , . . r : : . ; : : : . : : ' 1 ; " ' " ' perfectly ' h : a mlcss ' , siinple remedy ) , as mild , yet certain , as nature itself. To people ' ' 1,1/I / - - - - - . " : 'd'I I of'sedentary : ways , professional and business men L ; particularly to women , these Iji . ; : . ; ' . : ' ; Tabules insure a regular habit , comfortable digestion , and a clear head ; preventing " . - - ( ( p 'l , . ' . ' ; , " ' - : ' many a serious - illness - with its long train of suffering and expense J . . df : 1- Lay the axe to the root of the tree. . . ' . - . ' \ - , . . . In the largcst. bosflitals in the worlll , presided over by the most skillful of living physicians , the ingredients of these P . , tabules arc prescribcd daily more titan : twice as often as any and all oilier prescriptions put together , and in three cases \Q : , - . ' out or four where a physician is cllled , his prcscaiption will bc substantially the same , but the cot will bc much greater , j I a , - . , and . the compound prepared by the local druggists is likely to be inferior and far less convenient in form , J :1' : As thc two most important processes or life ( assimilation or' food " ' . and elimination of \\aste ) depend almost entimcly upon the stomach , 'Ij c ) l . " . ' liver and bowels ; their healthy action , as maintained by these tabulcs , / Nut IUIH I1 t c.J ' : . , " dispels a long list or ailments , including headaches , indigestion , dys. ' . . . .II. , ; . I. ' pep'"ia , biliousness , constipation , rush oC , blood to thc head , dizziness , . ' ' 5 ; . ; ' ' ' ' < ! fluttering oC thc heart , sluggishness , poor sleep , los of appetite , dc- 1 G : " ' , pression , heartburn , nausea , bad taste in the mouth , pain in the r . . .ra111\1/'ti \ , , , , ( 1 cstllf _ . : " ' , , stomach or abdomen , female complaints , catarrh , jaundice , sallow skin : . . .Vl1IrIliA 1'fltup ' , r u J i J 3- , n , and kin eruptions om , . tr ' . A box oC Ripan Tabules ( price 50 cents ) contains six small vest- . : ' , L ! , , pocket vials , each vial holds six tabulcs (36 ( in all ) and each tabule i'i M " - " - " " ' + : ; ' , . ' : ' In cxact dose . Sold U } ' druggists , or sent by mail on Icceipt of price by , . ' T 1E RIPANS ( CHEMICAL CO ) _ . : - , Y . , , 10 Spruce Street , New Yolk . 'Z' YU , . ADvtnTIlItllltlT : : : Draiaszo 4D IasenreD ron Tna rmsrars' ! INK ADVllllnSlso monad : , 10 SrllucJO : Sr" , New YORlt. - - Ln allll ut down. Then Fairfax took out his I cigarette case and offered one to D'son , who I shook his head , but plllled out a briar from his side poelet. I hall sense enough left to take down a jar of tobacco from the shelf and some matchell. Dyson filled \ up his pIpe slowly and Fairfax lighted .uP , blowing the smoke ! out thollglllfully , and for a moment no , one spoke. , Then Fairfax turned to me with "Goddarc1 , I we're goIng to have some straight talk here tonight , and you wan't to understand just what It means You Imow that accident this afternoon has put us In a bad halo for tackles. Warner will be all right In a day or two Willis Is out of It for thlll season. It's a bad break. Weve all been too sure ! that these men couldn't be hurt , and neither llrrwln : nor aston , wholll we have had op- poslto them , are up to 'varsity work The worst of It Is that they are as good as they ever will be , so thero's nothing to do but take n new man allli make a tackle ot him or kill him In the next three weeks Lang- ton and 1 couldn't think at a single man In college that hac1n't something dead against him , and when wo asked D'tl'Jn he saId he hall an end who could ) learn what he was taught , and ho would back him to beat out lterwln : or Easton . Wo told him It he culc1n't do that we didn't want him , and asked him the name ot his maim He said 'Godc1arc1. ' So here we are Now , If you don't ls'ant (0 ( try It , just say so . for there Is no time to waste OVEr a man who's got { to be coddled It would be hard work and no tUII , for we shall put you on the scrub UI' agaInst Warner for 1\ week and If you stand It and show what we want , you go pit I the 'varsity . and you'll get some ot the stiffest coaching any man ever had Now , IH's hear what you've got to say- . " I managed to stammer out something about . . "glad te try . ; and "would work all I knew , " when Dyson came to my lescue by saying : "That's all rIght ; he'tJ try It. You telllws go along and I'll stop lItId have a little talk with hint " That was 10 like Dy80n , for there were a d"pEn questions I wint@d to t ask , but never \ould ; have dared before Fairfax and Lang- ton. ton."Gooll night , then " said I.angton , jump. lag up and shaking hands . "See you tomnor- row . then , " with a be-arty Crlp tram FalrC.x and I was left alone with Dyson . "l'U trouble you ror. that tobacco nlMn , ycung ! : man , " said Dyson knocking the ashes out of his pipe , "rer I fancy ) ' 011. would like a few pointers as to how an end should Earn I to play tackle , and I cnn talk better whet I smolte " You may be sure that I torclJJ the tobacco jar upon him , "Goolard , , " purred D'son , "you've got the bIggest chance lover saw cone to a fresh" mllll slnC3 ! Hinton got the end strahht front 'prop' school three years ago. I'm not going to tell you all you want to know lodght , not by a long shot , hut I will tell you two things ! : to save you a lot of abuse time first day , and at the end ot the week I'll tell you something about the two men you'll go between on the 'varsity. First , then you know how , as an end , you sometime : draw the Interference along toward the outside In- stead oC bmashlng Into It at once. Well you'll have > to drop that at tackle , You mllst smash it . an'how D n't hang back or walt to see the runnar. Srconc1 , or rather first , ot all Importance , don't open your mouth un- l1er any clrcumsl3nces. Now thero's enough for you to go to sleep on , and It yoU stick td these two points for the next week 'smash the interference and keep you mouth shut , ' 'ou'll do well. " "Dttt : Mr Dyson , " 1 began , "how tar ought 1- " "Neyer you mind how tar you ouglll 10 play from whom ! You play where you think ! you can stop time ! anost ' Now , get to bed , and I'll drop In and , tell Roland you've been promoted for a few days ( " anti with that Dyson walked out As I heard him gQ up the street the door swung open , and Ifarry Holc1an appeared , ar rayed In hID pajJlUal and smoking a elg' aretle "I > Ick , they'r Iwlnl ; ' to give : you a try at the tackle , aren't they ? I knew they would when I uw Fairfax and .angton ! get held of nrwn after practlco , todlY I believe you'll make It , too , but 'ou'll have to look out I for Easton , I lleOlrdl lots ot fellows sa ) ' 110'11 mam ! It now that WIIIIII Is lad : up. Are you going In tomorrow ? " "Yes , on the scrub , " "On the scrub lwilh an accent ot amazed scorn "Why , ot course , Harry , If I 1111I going to learn anything I must fare a 'vanity amen , and they'rt' going to put me opposite Warner You need not scatter that Information broac1- east ; > > t , but I'm to be kept there a week , to - . . see It I'm any use It I alii , I'll get a chance In Willis' place , " "Oh , 1 see , amid I suppose they'll put Easton on the 'varslly tomorrow at left tackle ; : allli every one will tlmhdt that ho's limo one lIllt'S going to get the Illace" "I hope they will , " Falll 1 I. "for ( I want to be let down easy , anti , I say Harry , 11I111I1 \ 1)011 tlon" tllll about this I Ion't Itllow hot' much Fairfax allll Langton would want their places ' talked of. " "Oh , I'll take good care " returned Harry , "don't you be afraId of that Mind : you don't get the swelled head , that's all I thlnlt I see S ) already. " "Get out . you sneerer and let lIIe go to bed , " "All rIght , I will : but 110n't dream you are a 'arslty captain , will yob ? " and hD slammed the door , jest III tllIIO to avoid a book ( To be Continued ) 'rulH "f ! lie Y'.I1I4..tl'r. . . She Is an observing little mortal and she tnb\s ! ; her own mind She has been sub- jootl'd to nil the oscula tory annoyances that pretty children have to put up with , and she Is au heartily sick of them as the average cbllll usually Is. Every : one seems to feel that ho 01' the bas a. license to kiss a pretty child In this world wIthout giving the least thought to the rights of the child In the premities , This little girl , however , has noticed that no such IlIlIIcUon ! Is Imposed upotl her older sister and It has made her jealous llamllla : , " she falll ! one day , "I wish I was ' big " "lIow hlg ! : ? " "Au big as ltalllle : , " she replied , referring to her III ter. "Why' " Inquired her mother " 'Cause llamle : has a lot bettor time than : I (10 , Everybody tloesn't want to kiss lllIlIIle : " "How do you knew they tlon't ? " "Well , she 110u't have to let 'em , anyway , It she 110ll't want to " "Are you euro about that ? " asked the mother , somewhat amused ! . "CouTl'e I am She can talk rIght back to anyone who kisses her and It ain't Impolite at all , but It I dill I'd bo punlBhed , " "Ethel broke Ln .talllle , with a warning shake ot her heall. "Well , you can , " protested Ethel , "an' It ain't fair ' All tile od } grannies don't even try tQd \ , tc.u . U G't1l6r do me-onlY the otJ looking young men , and pot can send them about theIr buslllEss If you want to I /UNU / , : I heard you tell that man with the black moustaehme who was here last nIght that he aught ! : tf bJ ashamed of blmselC , and you know what woulc1 happen to me It I said anything like that just because somebody kiss d me. " Teacher ( to class In phllosoph-What ) are the properties of heat ! , Willie' Willie-The properties of heat era to bake , . cook , roast- - Tl'aeher-Stop-next. What are the prop' ertles ot heat 1 Johnny-The properties of heat Is that It expands bodies while cold contracts them. 'reaeher-Very good Can you give mo an example Johnny-Yl's , sIr , In summer , when It Is very hot , the day Is long : In winter , when ! It t Is cold , It gets to be very short. A 1I1l10 hay was one day told < , ' ' ' , / lIe'd raise his mother's Ire It he should ; overturn the lamp And bet the house on lire One morning as the sun rose red , Ills mother heard item cry , 1.ook , mother ! God'a upset limo lamp And set on fire time sky ! " \"sltor-Well. Johnny , I suppOse your father thlnlts the twlllll are somethlllg wonderful ? ! Johnny-Yes , but ( In II confidential whisper ) I could lick 'om both easy ! She Is a little mixed on line subject of lrthlll\'s. Ilu a general way she realizes that /I birthday Is a handy lining ! to have around thc house , but that Is all tar as she has reasoned Il out tier third birthday arrived on scholulo ( time Thursday and she was duly apprised 1 ot the fact that It was coming by her two elder < lJrothlu They told her about It a week or two beforehand They also speculated a good deal lIS to what vile would receive , and perhaps It was 'x- cusallio for her to bocoumo somewhat be- w'll ' lered. "lth I gain' to have a bl'thday ? " site asltrd her smother when first told ot It. "Yu , dear , " was the reply "When ? " "Next Thursday " Her brothers continued dilating on the . cattilaa at btrthhv . and she contlnu 11 malting InquirIes about hers until the c1al came. Early that morning ! she raised herself up In her little bed and asked , anxIously : llamma : , hath lilY bl'thda corned 1" ? "Yes , dear , " relllled her muther ' The little one looked around the room ex- - pe'tantl l " } Veil , where Jlh ! It ? " she 8sIHI It took her mother the entire day to explain - plain to her satisfaction what a birthday Is , and even then site rather clung to till Idea that thin loll she rccelyed liS II present x. , , " ' , " was really a "bl'tlulny . itch iteeannuetded . An English general , In revIewing n corp ot cavalry , stopped before a splendid looking / fellow , and asked abruptly : "Which Is the best horse In the regiment ? " "Number forty , slr " "What makes you think It Is the but hors ? " "lIo walks , trots and gallops well : Is a good jumper , bas no vice , no blemIsh , Carrlell his head well Is In his prime " "Anll who Is time beat \ solllier In time regl. meat ? " "Tom Jones sir " "Why1" "Because he Is an honorable man , Is obel1l. , eat , tidy , takes good care ot hIs equllllnenL and horse , end hoes his duty well , " ' "And who Is limo rider ot the best horaet'l / "Tom Jones ! , sir. " "And who Is Tom Jones sir ? " . . " [ am , 1/11. " 'fho general ; could ( not help JauJhln. ; . JIO gave 11 sovereign to his Informant , who roe ceived It without moving a muscle . - IIlt 1'11 1crr Try Electric litters as 8 remedy for your troubles 1 It not , get a bottle now and get reller. Thill medicine has been found to bl1 peculiarly adapted to the relief and cure or . _ . , , all fcmalD complaints , exerting 11 wonderful ; direct influence In giving strength and tone to the organs. It you have Iou ot appetite , constipation , headache , fainting spells or art mtgrvous sleepless , excitable . melancholy or troubled with dIzzy spells , Electric 1 Bitten fa the m > divine you need , Health and strength are s"aranteel \ Its use Only fifty cent el Kuhn it Co.'s drug store h