THE OMAHA DAILY BEE : SUNDA % ( APRIL 23 , 189H-TWENTY PAGES. 13
INGALLS ON ORATORY
No Such Thing as Impromptu Sp aklng a
Popularly Understood.
A GREAT ORATOR DESCRIBES HIS ART
Vivid Account of a Dcsporato Battle Be
tween Kufns Ohoato and Ben Butler.
"EMPYREAN OF ARTICULATE SPLENDOR"
IVfilnter'd Not Impromptu
Heply to llnyrio Vint
promptu , Nor Wan It Iilentlral Wltli
the Kpnncli Tlmt linn none
Into
Oratory it the art of instructing , convinc
ing or persuading public assemblies gathered
for worship , legislation , entertainment or
deliberation .by eloquent and cITcctlvc
speech , Its object Is to reach the judgment
of men by appeals to their emotions , sensi
bilities anil passions. There Is no science of
oratory , nor are there any general rules that
can bu Hinted for excellence In public speak-
intf , Thcro is no roclpo for eloquence , nor
for pootry. nor for Kcnlus In .sculpture and
painting , but the power of clear , strong and
cfllclcnl speech is 'within the reacli of all
men of average attainments , who have any
thing to say that is worth hearing.
As those ftrms are popularly understood ,
there Is no such thing as ' Impromptu" or
"extemporaneous" speaking. It Is a mis
chievous idea , specially harmful to the
young , that oratory Is a supernatural func
tion , like the apostolic gift of tongues , by
which a speaker can say anything interest
ing or valuable about matters of which he
knows nothing.
Undoubtedly thnro are certain aptitudes ,
traits and acquisitions essential to excel
lence In oratory voice , prudence , energy ,
flexible diction , memory , clear apprehension
of Ideas , and that Indcllnablc mental Illum
ination by which a speaker perceives the
operations of his mind , and sees what ho Is
saying ana what ho is to say , but behind and
beneath all arc study , preparation , discipline ,
knowledge of the subject , and distinct per
ception of the purpose to bo accomplished.
Butter cannot bo got out of a cow unless
you put butter into her , and the notion that
there Is sorno "Inspiration" by which a
man singularly endowed can unexpect
edly and for hours pour forth a succes
sion of majestic periods , freighted with
argument , wit , humor , description , quota
tion , pathos , narration and passion , with
out previous thought or ri'llcctlon , is as
erroneous as would bo the Idea that food
anil drink and training are not essential to
successful pugilism.
The orations that survive arc the result
of profound thought and lung meditation.
Cicero wrote out his great speeches in full
and committed them to memory. So did
yKschlnes and Demosthenes , and this habit
enabled them to participate witli more effect
in unexpected debates where elaborate
preparation was not possible.
WeliHtor' * llnply to Iliiync ,
Webster's reply to Haync , probably the
greatest forensic effort of the century , and
one of the greatest of all the centuries , was
delivered , it Is oftca said , upon the spur of
the moment , The day previous ho argued
causes In the supreme court Of the United
States. In the evening ho wrote head lines
upon a few pages of note paper that arc still
exhibited as InvaluaDlo relics of that mem
orable duel. His i friends were alarmed by
his apparent indifference to the Importance
of the crisis , and feared that ho did not ap
preciate the gravity of the argument. Hut
to Webster it was only the culminat
ing hour of twenty years of thought ,
devoted to the subjects of the
union , the states and the constitution. These
had been the familiar topics of his medita
tions. Ho was as well acquainted with them
ns a farmer with the aspect and boundaries
of his ancestral fields. With him It was not
the exploration of an undiscovered country.
Ho know its coasts and frontiers. Ills
speech was a splendid summary and re
hearsal of precepts that had been laid down
before. It was the goal to which his footsteps -
steps had long tended.
The notes of Webster's speech taken by
iho reporters of that day have been pre
served. ! It was withheld for revision so long
that there was a clamor for the publication.
As it finally anpcarcd marks of elaborate
correction and polishing are evident.
The apostrophe to liberty and union
halts somewhat lamely In the origi
nal report of Gales and Sen ton , and does not
possess the magnificent rhythm and antith
esis of the extract In the school books , in
this connection General Hobert C. SclioiicK ,
, who was a young political protege of Web
ster's , saltl that ho once asked the great ex
pounder of his meaning In the three nlirascs :
' 'liberty and union , now and forever , one
and inseparable , " whether the intention
was for the second to qualify the third , or
for the second and third together to qualify
the first , either construction being intelligi
ble. Webster replied that it was designed
ns a rhetorical flourish , and that ho did not
know what It did mean I
Tim Itocllno of Oratory.
Stenography , telegraphy , the typewriter
and the dally newspaper have made It much
more difficult to bo a great man than It was
when the cotcmporaneous reporting of
speeches and their instantaneous transmis
sion with all their imperfections on their
head were unknown. This is one of many
reasons for the decline of oratory In modern
limes. Its ancient function Is lost. The
orator has no place ns a teacher , and under
our political system there are no leaders.
The most successful orator is the man who
Utters what tne people have already
thought , and the only leader Is the man
-who. like Lincoln , marches where the
people want to go. The shorthand ro-
jiortor and the telegraph have made oratory
stale , and as no speaker is safe from
repetition , slip and error the custom of readIng -
Ing written speeches and of printingspeoches
not read has come in us a cheap and laborsaving -
saving counterfeit which passes current in
remote constituencies without detection.
Another circumstance fatal to oratory is the
fact that government has gradually become
a matter of purely business detail , In whose
consideration vehemence , rhetoric and pas
sion would bo Incongruous and ludicrous.
When peace or war , national vengeance or
mercy , the spoliation of states or the exist
ence of the fatherland depend upon the de
cision , eloquence Is appropriate ; but tariff
tables , coinage statistics anil the items of
the budget cannot bo treated with enthu
siasm any more than the report of bank
directors or the officials of a railway corpora
tion.
tion.The
The anti-slavery discussion and the seces
sion debates that preceded the rebellion pre
sented conditions favornole to the orator , but
tremendous as were the Issues Involved ,
such are thr practical toivlenclcs of modern
life that no orator voiced the passions of the
time and stands as its representative like
Demosjhencs in his 1'lilllpplcs , or Pericles
commemorating the slain in the Pcloponnc-
sian war.
Nor during the struggle was much spoken
that will bo remembered or quoted , Debate
in congress and out was copious , but a single
phrase only can bo said to remain perma-
iicutly llxed In public recollection ,
Lincoln at < iotlj lnirr.
Abraham Lincoln and Kdward Kverott
jipouo at the dedication of the National ceme
tery at Gettysburg , November 1U , 18tM. The
place , the occasion , the audience , the asso
ciation * ware in the highest degree inspiring.
Kverett wn an orator of deserved renown ,
with copious and glittering vocabulary ,
graceful rhetoric , strong , cultivated mind ,
elegant scholarship , a rich , flexible voice and
noble presence. His address occupied two
hour * In delivery , and was worthy of the
speaker and his theme. At Iti close Lin
coln rose slowly on the platform of the
pavilion , From an ancient case he drew a
pair of steel-framed spectacles , with bows
clasping Upon the temples in front of the
cars , and adjusted them with deliberation.
LINCOLN AT aErrrsiitmri.
He took from ids breast pocket a few sheets
of foolscap , which ho unfolded and held In
both hands. From this manuscript , In low
tones , without modulation or emphasis , ho
read ! 2H5 ( words , and sat down before his sur
prised , perplexed and disappointed auditors
wcro nwaro that ho had really begun. It
loft no Impression , so It was saldT except
mild consternation and a mortified sense of
failure. None supi > oscd that one of the
great orations of the world had been
pronounced in the live minutes which
Mr. Lincoln occupied in reading his
remarks. But the studied , elaborate
and formal speech of Everett has been for
gotten , while the few sonorous and solemn
sentences of Lincoln will remain so long as
constitutional liberty abides among men.
Henceforth , whoever recalls the story of the
battle of Gettysburg , when the fate of free
dom and the union hung trembling upon that
awful verge , will hear above the thunder
of its reverberating guns , above the exulting
shouts of the victors and the despairing cries
of the vanquished , the .prophetic monotone
of that Immortal refrain "That government
of the people , by the people , and for the
people , shall not perish from the earth- "
Thre IeiilUltt | > s.
To produce a great oration three elements
are requisite an audience , an occasion and
an orator , e. g. , the English speaking people ,
homo rule for Ireland , Gladstone. Uttered
elsewhere , under other circumstances , be
fore a different assemblage , the observations
of Lincoln at Gettysburg would have been
less noteworthy and memorable. The great
est orator cannot make a speech upon a
trivial theme to unsympathetic hearers.
They need not bo friendly. They may be
hostile , but they must bo interested for or
against. On ordinary days Burke emptied
the House of Commons , but In the debates
concerning British maladministration In the
Kast Indies he reached the high water mark
of English eloquence. Considered in all its
parts the speech upon the nabob of Arcot's
deots may bo regarded as chitif among the
oratorical masterpieces of the human race.
The beauty of every landscape Is in the
eye of the beholder. Shakespeare says that
"a jest' : * prosperity is in the car that' hears
it. " And the same may be said of an era
tion. It is made as much by the hearer
as by the speaker. No speaker eminent at
the bar , in the sacred desk , or on the plat
form observes the rules which the elocution
teachers of ambitious and aspiring youth
inform their pupils arc indispensable to
eloquence. The guestures , postures , intona
tions and grimaces arc unknown or dis
regarded. The lawyer , clergyman , stumper
or legislator who should obviously follow
the injunctions of the professors about his
feet , his hands , his arms , his countenance ,
Ills modulation , his pitch and Inflection
would excite the multitudinous , irrepressible
and derisive laughter of the average aud
ience , and bo regarded aa a bnrn-stormer
rather than an orator.
Tin ; Urittor Horn , Not > ludr.
This does not disparage training and dis
cipline , or prove that they are not valuable.
They are to bo highly commended. But it is
an encouragement ; to those who have been
denied opportunities or want grace of man
ner and ornamental diction that the highest
results of oratory have been achieved by
these without thaono or to ! ; other. There
is no doubt what may , for want of a better
description , bo called the oratorical tempera
ment , is an assemblage of faculties favor-
aolo to success in public speaking , aptitudes
and idiosyncrasies like those possessed by
Alexander Hamilton , Kufus Choate , Beecher
and Wendell Phillips , but such orators , like
poets , are born , not made , nor are they
susceptible of classification. Ohoato and
Phillips are both recognized as supreme
masters of oratory , but tney had little in
common , and the characteristics of each
would seem to have been better adapted to
the province of the other the quiet , polished
poise and self-possession of Phillips for the
bar , and the frenzied gymnastic and volcanic
efflorescence of Choato for the platform. It
happened to mo in my student days to hear
Choato at the. trial of a cause at the Essex
Common Pleas in Salem. It was an action
against a railroad corporation for damages
on account of personal injuries sustained by
the plaintiff , a clergyman , who was run
down by a train as ho was attempting to
drive over the track at a street crossing al
leged to have been insufficiently guarded.
General Butler represented the corporation
and Choate the victim.
ItuliiA Choate.
The evidence was conflicting , but the sym
pathies of the rural Jury wcro profoundly
moved by the condition of the clergyman ,
who was rendered absolutely and irremedi
ably helpless by the collision. The battle
was bitter , and Butler's insolence to the
court , witnesses and counsel was inconceiv
able. In the closing arguments his sneers
and flouts at Choate to prejudice the jury
against his influence approached the borders
of brutality. Choato sat rapt and imper
turbable during the onset , like one sunk in
Immovable reverie or a dreamless trance.
The morning of his closing address ho
entered the court room with the faltering
footsteps and languid pallonof an invalid just
discharged from a hospital ward. Ho began
nurus CIIO..T : { "HKOIIE .v Jt'iiv.
his speech enveloped in three overcoats , of
which ho divested himself one by ono at in
tervals as ho proceeded. Now and then ho
refreshed himself by sucking oranges , of
which ho had an endless supply. Butler
had characterized him as n magician and
juggler , charming juries with his legerde
main and incantations. Choato's purpose
seemed to ba to dispel this Imputation by
bald and colloquial simplicity. When this
purpose was accomplished he grad-ially and
by Imperceptible gyrations wheeled to higher
flights , till ut last ho seemed almost to
vanish in the empyrean of articulate sulendor.
No dervish In hfs most ecstatic fervor ever
bent and whirled and rose and fell in such
genuflections and contortions.
Sweat trickled from the black jungle of
his disordered hair along the ravines and
furrows of his haggard face. Ho advanced
and retreated , rising upon his toes and com
ing down upon his heels with a dislocating
jerk that made the windows rattle , pausing
occasionally to Inhale through his dilating
nostrils tempestually , and then emitting a
shrieking epigram or apostrophe that thrilled
the blood like a wild cry at midnight In a
solitary piaco. With great artistic skill ho
depicted the tranquil village , the clergyman
driving on his errand of mercy in the fresh
ness of summer morning along the shaded
street ; the unsuspected approach of the
train around the concealing curve ; the fatal
instant , when too late to advance or retro it ,
the monster sprang Uxm | him with what
Choato described as "the thunderous terror
of Its Insupixirtablo footsteps. " It was Ilko
the climax of n baleful tragedy oh the stage ,
the Imprecation of Lear , tha menace of
lUchoHcu or the rage of Vlrglnlus. Instead
of n prosaic lawsuit It was a tremendous i
drama in real life , whoso characters wcro
present , whoso Incidents were rehearsed
and for whose catastrophe judge , jurors ,
witnesses and spectators breathlessly waited
How such a blazing meteor broke Into the
scJato orbit of Now England life Is ono of
the mysteries of psychology. No such phe
nomenon has occurred In Massachusetts be
fore or since. He wore the ns | > ect of an Arab
and had the Oriental imagination of a wan
derer of the desert , but to these were added
the sagacious shrewdness and pertinacity of
the Yankee. Ho tolled Incessantly , studied ,
wrote , translated , read omniverously , do-
loured dictionaries , and labored with an as
siduity that would have enabled mediocrity
to succeed. It was like a thoroughbred racehorse -
horse drawing a plow or hauling a street car
when not running for the Derby. As a
representative and senator In congress ho
did not meet for some reason the full meas
ure of expectation. But genius is always
Inexplicable.
Tim Typlcnl Orator Hit * IMnnppenrcil.
The recent parliamentary , professional and
Intellectual history of America is somewhat
meager In oratory. There Is a surplus of
strong , clear , fluent and effective public
speakers , but those who. like Erskine , Pitt ,
frattan ! , O'Connell , Sheridan and Burke ,
stir and nwo and sway , Inspire and thrill , are
few oven In tradition , which always exalts
and magnifies Its heroes. Perhaps the most
Indulgent pat tlallty could not resent the as
sertion that today there are none.
Wise statesmen , eloquent divines , pro
found philosophical thinkers , learned
lawyers , sagacious politicians , eminent
scholars abound , but the typical orator has
disappeared. H is not impertinent to recall
In this connection that poets , sculptors ,
painters , actors dramatists and novelists of
the highest grade are also not numerous now.
The age is practical. Its Intellect Is em
ployed in the acquisition of wealth and the
subjugation of nature. The general average
of knowledge has also been enormously
raised , so th.it pronounced and recognized
individual superiority is less possible than
ever before. The apparent height of Pike's
Peak depends on the elevation of the spec
tator.
Legend , and the memory of their co-
tcmiwraries , attribute extraordinary powers
of eloquence to Henry Winter Davis , Senator
Baker of Oregon , Ulchard Mcnlfoo of Ken
tucky , S. S. Prentiss , Fisher Ames and
Peter Cartwrijht , but except to the scholar
and the devotee they are unknown in this
generation.
An Kotlmatn of Conklluc ,
To those who knew Itoscoo Colliding in his
meridian it seems incredible that lie like
wise should already have become a gorgeous
reminiscence , fading from day to day
as a crimson saturated cloud grows
pallid and ashen with the sun's decline.
No man , for the ten years preceding 1881 ,
was moro constantly before the public
mind or filled a larger space in the public
eye than he. No name was more frequently
spoken with fervid adulation or frenzied re
sentment than his. The exaggerations of
the caricaturists made his form and fea
tures , his habits , mannerisms and peculiari
ties known to every citizen of the republic.
But no critic or enemy , no lampooner or
pamphleteer , ever disparaged his powers or
COSKLISOM CIIAUACTEIUSTIO PO3E ,
Impugned his honor or integrity. Ho pos
sessed an extraordinary and attractive
assemblage of physical , mental and moral
characteristics , of which ho was never en
tirely unconscious. To the statu.ro of. an
nthloto , the bearing of a courtier ana the
head of an Assyrian monarch , ho added a
voice of incomparable richness , range and
flexibility , dignity of carriage and grace of
gesture. The amplitude and opulence of his
language sometimes seemed to detract from
the force of his thoughts as excess of orna
ment impairs the majesty of a temple. Ho
was a master of the artifices of rhetoric , and
his armory of ridicule , invective quotation
and satire was full. The gravity of his self-
possession seemed formal at times , and was
never forsaken. In his highest flights he
did not forget himself nor permit others to
forget him. His tenacious memory enabled
him to transfer to the platform the toil of
the closet with apparent spontaneity , and
many of his efforts which seemed extempo
raneous were the result of elaborate prep
arations. Ho was not ready In rejoinder ,
and an Impetuous , unexpected assault , like
that of Lamar , left him floundering and in
discomfiture. The cartoons that depicted
him ns supercilious , vain , swollen with self-
appreciation and disdain , itnd implacable in
his resentments , despotic and dictatorial in
his politics , revealed the defects of a com
manding personality , which brought about
at last the fatal . atastvopho. Ho resigned
from the senate with the assurance of im
mediate return , but the patient watch and
long vigil of those whom ho defeated and
humiliated were at last rewarded by his
overthrow , and his life thenceforward to
its untimely close was a melancholy mono
logue of despair.
The Press association has become a well
organized society in Iowa college.
It will cost Minneapolis 20,000 a year to
supply the schools with free text books.
Hiram W. Slbloy of Hocbester has given
fTiO.OOO to the erection of a now building for
the use of the Slblpy College of Mechanical
engineering at Cornell , founded by his
father.
The committee on rules and regulations of
the Boston school board decides that teach
ers may indict corporal punishment upon
pupils , notwithstanding the protest of the
parents ,
The Kcsister at Stanford university an
nounces that ex-President Harrison will bo-
pin his course of lectures on international
law next October , when the new school of
law will bo opened.
President Eliot of Harvard sees how
women can be admitted to that Institution
simply hy giving S&O.OOO to its treasury. As
nu educational economist President Eliot ap
pears to lean toward thrift.
The l.irgo and valuable collection of fos
sils , geological specimens , etc. , which the
late Ualph Buttcrtlcld of Kansas City be
queathed , together with $200,000 to Dart
mouth , has reached Hanover. It will bo
kept in the museum in Culver Hall until the
Butterllold uuildlng provided for in the will
is completed.
Another innovation has been made at
Yale , this time in the institution of a.scholar
ship in connection with a line ol college work
until very recently regarded as foreign to a
college curriculum. The newly Instituted
scholarship consists of a fund of fci.OOO , the
the .income of which will bo devoted to the
encouragement of extemporaneous speaking
at Yale.
According to the 12.1th annual catalogue of
Dartmouth the number of students in the
various departments and comparison with
last year-was as follows : Academical , ' ! ts ,
a loss of ID ; Chandler school , 77 , a gain of 8 ;
agricultural college , -7 , a loss of 11 ; mcdica1
college , 10S , a gain of 10 ; Thaycr school , 8 ,
no change. The total shows n loss of 0. The
officers and Instructors number M.
The botanical department of the University
of Pennsylvania Is making a special study of
the effect of climate on plants. For this
purixiso the collections have to he obtained
from the mountainous and lowland districts
of various regions. In this the university Is
being assisted by many Individuals who are
interested in the subject. Collections are
being made In Alaska , Turkey , Ecuador ,
Florida and California.
The friends of Wcsleyan university are
nnxiously awaiting .news of the will of
George I. Senoy. They. understand that ho
promised to give thdittfllego KWO.OOO , Mr.
Sonny had given * lfOVJji)0 ) ) to Wesleyan , and
during the admlnlsirailon of President
Beach promised vefbHlly to give f.T.0,000
more. At the Inauauratlon of Dr. Beach
Mr. Scnoy promised t,9 gjvo * IX,000 ( ) to the
university , but owlnir to financial difficulties
in which Mr , Sency Btt'a'mo Involved during
the Grant-Ward troubles the promise was
not fulfilled. Tim ounuiU interest on the
4100,000 has , howevcr.'bccn paid yearly , and
has been given as prwW'for ' scholarships.
There are supposotljtoibo about 420,000,000
Christians In the w ld , but you wouldn't
think so to hear some people talk.
In one section of Brooklyn thdro Is a
preacher named Goodenough , and in another
section of that town there Is one who spells
his name Toogood.
The Salvation Army system Is being Imi
tated by the Japanese Buddhists , who are
organizing a religious body on the model of
General Booth's creation.
Alva Gage has presented to the Unltirlan
church of Charleston , S. C. , a handsome
brick parish house , costing over $11,000. It
will bo finished during the summer ,
Mrs. Sarah B. Cooper of San Francisco
has a Sunday-school class of moro than HOO
intelligent men and women. She has taught
a bible class for moro than forty years.
Bishop Howe of the diocese of Central
Pennsylvania celebrated his 83th birthday
at Heading Wednesday. He has been In the
Episcopal ministry for more than sixty
years.
A posthumous work by Cardinal Manning ,
being his only contribution to secular litera
ture , Is about to bo published In London. It
consists of "Honor " " "
essays on , "Consistency ,
"Vanity , " "Popularity , " "Tho Fourth
Estate , " "Critics , " and like subjects.
The .Methodist church of Kansas has dis
missed Kev. V. H. Blddeson , the populist
chaplain of the state senate , because of the
prayers made In that body last winter , in
which ho is alleged to have called down dire
maledictions upon the republican party.
Cardinal Gibbons recently expressed him
self in this way : "Young men who have re
ceived an Imperfect and superficial educa
tion want to appear wise and learned and
think in order to do so they must affect a de
gree of skepticism and infidelity , which fre
quently results in an entire loss of faith. "
Uev. Hiram Brigham , who for thirty-
four years has been laboring amomr the
natives of the Gilbert Islands , had the satis
faction Tuesday of seeing the printing of a
lilblo , in the language of the Gilbert
islanders , In the composing and press rooms
of the American Bible society. Ho began
the translation of the bible for the benefit
of the people in 185'J.
Alfred Mace , son of the once famous En
glish prize lighter , Jem Mace , has just closed
n series of evangelistic meetings In Indlanap-
alls. For twenty years ho has been preach
ing , traveling up and down the worjd , stop
ping wherever enough people wanted ho
should. He came to America about four
years ago , previous to that time doing all his
work in the British isles.
Deacon Hiram Camp of New Haven , who
is said to be the most prominent survivor of
Now England Puritanism , recently cele
brated his 8'Jd birthday in the original man
ner of holding a prayer meeting , at which
relatives and friends from all parts of New
England were present ) . His friend , D wight
L. Moody , conductcd.thc services.
The will of Colonel "Elliot F. Shepard of
New York disposes of ah estate estimated at
fSoO.OOO in realty and-oOO,000 , in personal
property. Ho gives .to the trustees of the
Presbytery of Now York $100,000 for the gen
eral religious and evAYigfelieal work of that
city. He also gives the same trustees $ .y,00 ) ( )
to b3 used by them for , the benefit of the
Seventh Presbyterian vhurch of Jesus Christ
of this city.
Hov. Dr. Joseph T. Smith , who has just
resigned the pastorate of the Central Pres
byterian church of Baltimore , after serving
there for thirty-one years , was the modera
tor of the General Assembly which met in
Omaha in 1887. Ho .is . a native of Mercer ,
Pcnn. , and a graduate of Jefferson college ,
Indiana. In 1841 ho was licensed to prcacli
by the Presbytery of Brie , and in April , 1842 ,
was Installed as pastocpf the Presbyterian
church of Mercer , hls'birthplaco. '
Father William P. Troaey , who has made
such a sturdy light for his church at Swcdes-
toro , N. J. , has won the sympathy and ad
miration of many who oven believe him
wrong , and his life's history shows that he
is a hero. Three times lie has risked his
life for others. His first heroic act was to
rescue a colored boy from death in Chesa
peake bay during a terrible storm , when
oven the trained life guards flinched. In
1878 the priest Jumped into the Bronx , near
Fordham college , and saved the life of James
Murphy. When the village of Aeganhoven.
in Belgium , was destroyed by lire , Father
Treacy directed the work of the rescuers
from the roofs of the burning buildings and
left them only after every man , woman and
child had been accounted for.
TALK / ' THE
Harper's Young People : It was in the
definition class ; teacher was giving out the
words to spell aiul explaining them at the
same time. "N-a-p , nap , that means a little
sleep , you know , Johnny. K-i-n , kin , that
means of a family , belonging to the family ,
do you understand J"
"Yea , ma'am. "
Pretty soon the class was called up again
and the word "napkin" came up.
"Can any 0110 tell what napkin means ?
What Is it1 asks the teacher.
' I know , " yells Johnny ; "a sleepy family. "
Free Press : A Detroit boy uses slang and
his father doesn't like It. The other day the
boy was talkinir ,
"You say , " intrrruptcd the father , "that
Jones was llred ? "
"Yes , sir. "
"Don't you mean discharged ? '
"Yes , sir. "
"Then why not say so ? A gun is llred , not
a man. "
"Well , " snid the boy , stumped for a mo
ment , "Jones was a sou of a gun ; 1 heard the
old man say so , " and the father retired in
mortification.
A mother tolls her two children , who
were loft at homo with the nurse , who , in
order to insure a peaceful retirement of the
tots , allowed them to take n small lunch to
their room. They knelt down , as is their
nightly custom , but the prayer of one of the
children was interrupted by the words :
"Mr. Lord , please 'scuso mo a minute , Kit's
takiu' a bite of my pickle. " After a short
but decisive engagement devotions wcro re
sumed.
Small Madeline is something of a humortsl
and has no very pronounced religious ten
dencies , hut the other day she canio homo
from church in a highly pleased frame ol
mind. "Oh , mamma ! " she said , "you just
ought to have been ut church today. The
preacher had such a good text ; Just ttiokiui !
1 liked. " "What was'it ' , Madeline ? " asked
mamma , who had stayed at homo with a
cold. Seriously answered small Madeline
"It was , 'Tho Lord lovcth the eheerfu
gigglur. ' " " "
The Only Hoason. Tocher Why Is this
called the temperate awe I
UrlghtUoy 'Causo'lf ' you take the hottest
day in summer an' tholuoldost day in winter
an' add 'cm together.a" ' divide by two the
weather will bo just right. .
*
"Havo you thanked L'nclo Charles for your
dog yet , fredJlo } " VY.os ; but I ought or
had it anyway ; I've been praying for a dos
the last two months.13'
* K
"I wants some bed an' wucfar , " said Mollio.
"Don't say bed an' "wntjar , " said Bobbie.
'Say bwcad an' tehiujjir , "
During the month of M.iy ttic eyes of the
Presbyterian world will bo turned toward
'Washington city and will follow with close
merest what transpires within the walls
of ono of the largo local churches there. The
general assembly of the Presbyterian church
will hold its sessions ut the Now York Avenue -
nuo Presbyterian church and the occasion
promises to b < > fraught with the utmost in
terest and importance. The sessions of the
assembly will commence May 18 ( Thursday
morning , i
The largest church in the world is St.
Peter's in Homo ; the smallest , u church ten
feet square , in the isle ol Man.
There are three things worth saving
Time , Trouble and money an 1 IJj Witt's
Little Earlv Uisers will save them for you.
These little pills will save yoj time , as they
net promptly. They will save you trouble as
they cause no pain They will s' vo you
money -is they econjnuw ductor's bdls.
APRIL SHOWERS
ing May Flowers.
They also bring you the grandest opportunity to display good
judgment in purchasing dry goods ever offered.
Our immense establishment is overflowing with goods , such as
you want. "We want to move them out with a rush this week , and for
Monday and all the week , or until all are sold we shall make prices
which will literally PACK THE STORE ,
THEX-
Grand Book Sale.
From the bankrupt stock of the
VOTING Worthing Company , publishers of
Now York , book a of olio-third the
cost of publication.
CLOTII-BOUTO NOVELS AT
HAS
9o
HOUSEKEEPES See our book stock nntl pot prlcoa
HARVEST. Everything marked nt prices that
COM
will I'ntorcst you.
From 8 to , 12 o'clock , halt Given Away
gallon water pitchers ,
now goods , handsomely with every purclmso of $1.00 or moro
polished glass , inado to at our book sale :
soil ut 35c , snlo price , 9e
two to a customer Wo will give iv copy of The Fa
Everybody vorite Dictionary , containing nil
the \voids In daily uso.
Prom 1 until 0 p.m. , host Enthusiastic.
heavy tin pans , regular
price 35c , clearings.ilo
price 13c
Curtains.
Cedar water pails , 17c. Fine white lace curtains , regular
Good washboards , 5c. price J3.50.
Clothes pins per gross , lOc.
Breadboards , 39c. The fireman , leads , Who will FOR THIS SAIE
Irontnc boards , 3oc.
Moathoarda. 20c. lead next week ? Vote for your
favorite. He may go to the saoo
Tin cuspidorcs , oc. World's Fair at our expense. A
lin cofTeo pots , lOc. vote with each 25c purchase. Chenille curtains , all colors , da
Egg boatord , 3c. Here is the list as it stood Friday deed and fringed top and bottom ,
cannot bo matchott for loss than $6
Tack hammers , 5c. day night , arranged in order according a pair ,
Cedar wash tubs , 49c. Regular price , cording- the votes received.
Ooc. FOR THIS SALE
Nickel alarm clocks. 09c ; worth 91.
S2.6Q
i.D . Ed Hampshire , flrnman.
Silks. D ' Kov. F. Crane , minister.
3. Uov. Mackay , minister.
4. Mlas A. Hopper , toauhor.
A mixed lot of printed and pin in 4.C , Miss M. HOKUM , teacher.
China silks , 50c goods , for this sale , 0. Miss K. Brady , toachor. '
25c. 7. Miss Street , teacher. Ladies' Capes
8. Mr. C. Croft , carrier.
9. Miss C. Elder , teacher. Ono lot of 25 capos In the latest
10 . Mr. Tillotson , carrier. styles , handsomely trimmed with
Dress Goods. 11. Rov. I'M. . Franklin , minister. ribbon and embroidery. Wo have
12. Hov. Murray , minister. boon selling them for'812 , $13 and
is. Miss Lohmcr , teacher. 815. For this sale
Choice of our all wool elmllis , sold 14. P. F. Ilarvoy , policeman.
always at C5c , for thid sulo , 15. Rev. Paslso , ininistor. $8.48.
49c- 10. Rov. T. J. McKay , minister.
All of our dress goods remnants 17. Air. Stone , carrier.
and short pieces about half price. ia .lames Clark , carrier.
10. Rov. Trcdon , ininistor.
' 20. AH Clark , carrier.
'Wash Goods. 21.o . Gcorfro Armstrong , carrier.
Hosiery
. o Rov. Cramblott , minister.
2,7. Miss A. McDonald , teacher.
24. Mr. Charles Bloom , policeman. By far the best assortment and
Ono lot of 32-inch fancy prints , 25. Mr. Martio , policeman , S. O. values wo have over offered seam
made to sell at 12c. } for this sulo
. less lioso that
20. Kato Urchhaw , toachor. cannot bo matched
only 3 . I-2C. 27 , Miss S. Squires , teacher. for less than 20c a pair for thlsaulo
Dark for
styles. Come early 28. Miss A. Witman , toachor.-
.
them. 29. A. A. Kovsor , policeman. 9c.
30. Prof. Allon. toucher.
81. J. M. StalTord , carrier. Men's half hose , sold always at
Amoskeaff 32. Rev , Gordon , ininistor. 15c a pair , for this said
33. Charles Nelson , carrier ,
34. Diok Marnoll , policeman. 3 pairs for 25c.
35. Kd Kelly , carrier.
Ginghams. 30. Rov. Williams , minister.
. 37. H. N. McGrow , carrier.
38. Rov. Mann , ininistor. .
Dress styles , sold always at lOc , 39. Mary Alter , teacher.
for this sale , 40. Rov. II. Sharply , minister. Boys' Clothing
51-2C. 41. C. Rose , carrier.
42. Rov. Dotweilor. minister.
43. Miss J. Nowconib , toachor. Two-piece suits , 10 dllloront pat
44. D. W. Overall , carrier. terns' ' , sizes from 4 to 14 years ; a
Polka Spot 45. Grant Fox , fireman. good $0.00 suit , price for this sale
40. Miss A. Long , teacher.
47. Miss E. A. Alexander , toachor. $2.87.
Pongees 48. G. I. Gilbert , policeman.
, 49. Miss E. Carnoy , toachor.
50. Mr. Miller , fireman.
Very desirable mid choice pat 51. Rov. Con way , minister. '
terns , 15c goods , for this sale , 52. Father McCarthy , minister. Men's Collars
9c. 53. Rov. lloUlug , minister.
54. Rov. Savage , minister.
Tills week wo will soil a line of 4-
55. Mr. Tracy , carrier. collars all
ply in the
, now shupcsat
. . minister.
50. Rov. Lloyd , lOc each
,
Domestics. 57. Mr. Anderson , carrier.
. John Woodruff carrier.
58. , 3 for 25c.
59. Helen Lloyd , toachor.
Bent 9-4 sheeting in the market , 00. Mr. Lonard , carrier. Men's 4-ply cuffs , 18c a pair.
worth 3c ( ) , for this sale , 01. J. H. Russell , policeman.
23c. 02. Miss E. M. Ilartman , toachor.
03. Rov. Paterson , minister.
04. Charles Reynolds , fireman.
4-4 bleached muslin , a 9c quality , for 05. Miss Arnold , toachor.
this sale , CO. Alice Havens , toachor. Children's Waists.
5c. 07. Miss M. Fried , toachor.
08. V. Bo van , jr. , S. O. , policeman.
09. Daniel Silllson , carrier. Waists that are worth 35c , for this
45-incn pillow casus , ready for 70. Rov. C. N. Dawson , ininistor. sale
use , with 2-inch hem , worth 15c Rov. Parks , minister.
each , for this sale , Rov. Ewhlnys , mlnistsr. 19c.
lOc each. 73. Kov. Hodgotts , minister.
74. Miss D. Vale , teacher :
75. Miss A. Fees , toncher.
All linen bleached and brown craah , 70. Miss E. Morton , toachor.
18 inches , and jxtra quality , worth 12c } , 77. Miss M. Moriarty , toaclior.
for this sale , 78. Miss A. Hanson , toachor.
79. Emma Whltmoro , teacher. Night Gowns.
80. G. ProBcott , policeman. .
81. Chief Galilean , fireman.
82. Rov. S. W. Butler , minister. '
. minister. Special lot of Indies' night robes
Dress Trimmings. 83. Rov. Duryoa ,
. 81. Miss G. Garrett , toachor. to bo closed out at
85. Mlsa Burnett , teacher.
For this week only , wo will sell 80. Mr. Burkott carrier. 75c.
. Gardner minister.
in trimmings and - 87. Rov. Dean ,
anything pusso-
montorics at 88. Kato Hungcrford , toucher.
. MUs McAra , toachnr. .
I/ 80. Bo sure and see-them.
I4 ' . . toachor.
/4 ft'A Miss H. M. Brennoor ,
/ 01. Mr. Newman , carrier.
oIT regular price.
Any of the above goods are LIGHTNING BARGAINS they will
go like lightning , You will have to act like lightning in order to gath
er them in.