Nebraska Newspapers

    THE OMAHA DAILY BEE : SUNDAY , MARCH 20 , 1892-SIXTEEN PAGES. 15
I
AND OTHER STORIES.
BY "M. QUAD" .
Special ntlonllon Is called to the fact that
THK Ilr.r. nan exclusive use In Its territory of
"M. Quad's" ' current writings.
lrt > l > l/rt0MttllK fci/r. . Atirfo.l
AFAHKwnu-Mondnynlghtthatlargo
and miusivo duffer known by the name
of Hank IMcrson , who has boon trying
to pose as n , bad man among us , con
cluded to take our ndvlco and change
climate * . Ills road lay past the Klckor
ofllco , and as n sort of furowoll to us ho
flrod tlirco bullets through ono of the
windows. Wo got out as soon ns possi
ble and flrod a charge of buckshot at
something black moving off. Next
morning Hank's loft hand coatlall was
picked up on the street UOO foot west of
our olllro , and wo shall add it to our
stock of rolics. Wo were uftcr both
coallails , having twenty-seven buckshot
in the gun , but it was too dark for
straight shooting.
MIHSKD A Coo. The great Nineteenth
Century Dramatic company was billed
( or two nights here last week , but failed
, lo open up. As editor of the ICickcr wo
nro entitled to six free tickets lo any
show. As owner of the only hill in town
wo are usually given a do/.on. As mayor
were are novel- complimented with loss
than twenty. The agent of the above
organization attempted to stand us oft
with a pass for two , and the result was
ho mih8ud a cog and his machinery got
out of order. If theatrical companies
can do business in this way wo uhnll not
complain. It lias always boon our aim
k o uphold the dignity of the pross. and
we Hhnll continue right in that line , no
matter whoso feelings are hurt.
A SttNSim.n VJIUIMUT. Wo under
stand that a juryof cowboys over In Clinch
valley , who were called upon to not in
the case 6f n stranger- found dead about
n wcok ago , returned a verdict that ho
crime to bib death while fooling with a
gun. While nothing in said to who the
gun belonged , the verdict is n sensible
ono. Instead of throwing any additional
mystery ever tlio ease It makes it plain
that ho was riding off On a 4-yoar-old
mule which didn't belong to him.
No atlompt was made to Hud out the
stranger's name or whether ho had an
undo in Chicago or nn aunt In Phila
delphia. Tito past tense has mighty
littto to do with a chap who iu caught
fitonllug d Clinch valley mulo. Ho Is
Hi/oil up on iho present tense and
planted accordlnply. Wo think the
man called at the Kicker olllco Iho week
before and offered to write us a $5 loader
on the Chilian question , but wo declined
and ho stole our toothbrush and de
parted.
NOT NKKDKD At its last mooting the
> common council passed an ordinance
aimed at tlio do/.on or moro citizens who
got drunk every evening and nmuso
themselves shooting at every stray dog
on tlio btrcots. It seemed to bo needed
just then , but wasn't two days later.
His honor the mayor ( who is oursolf )
broke up the prnctico in ono ovomng ,
alone find single-handed , and saved tlio
town at least $50 expense. IIo discov
ered and kicked and disarmed fifteen
different men , and the guns taken
from thorn will bo sold at auction Sat
urday.
This town has at last ot a mayor
worthy of the name , and wo congratu
late tlio public on the fact. Thus far
his administration has boon a grand
success , and wo haven't the slightest
doubt that ho will bo governor of Ari
zona in less than llvo yoara
IT'S His WAY Our contemporary
down thu street met with an accident
to his old rnmshnclclo press the other
day nnd appealed to us to help him out.
"Wo cheerfully agreed to work off his
inside pigcs : on our now and elegant
power press , and of course wo counted
the copies to &oe what , his circulation
'was. It still slood at the same old figure
i 401 ; but ho had had the chock to sot
'up ' the claim In that very issue , "This
paper has the largest circulation of any
journal in Arizonal"
Poor old chap ! IIo was a failure as
an editor twenty years ago , and of the
thirteen different bullets ho has fired at
at us not ono came within three feet of
hond or heel. Ho has to use carpet
tacks to eke out his supply of typo , and
it'a n holiday with him when ho 1ms
roast coyote for dinner.
ER ON VANITY.
"I has bin koopin trnck o' things fur n ,
peed m any y'urs past , " snld Brother
Gnrdnor as ho nroau and looked nround
the hnll , "an I has cum to do conclushun
dnt a big nhoor of our trubblos inn solely
duo to vanity. I Boloinnly believe dtir
nm mo' vanity in do cull'd race to do
squai1 fut dan unyoddorpcoploon iiirtlu
Many morabors ob dis club cum to mo
jvld'dolr tvubbloa an tribtilaahuas , an in
CIIBOS out o1 ton I kin trace do cause
to vanity. ' '
The president paused here to consull
the tliorinoinotor haiirln { < ; near , and
after noting that itrocordod 102 degrees
ubnvo , ho continuad :
"Tako do case of Elder Toots , for in-
Blanco. Ho hab a steady job at 87 par
wcok in the lumber yard. IIo got up to
dat elevated p'lnt whar ho had oggd an
bacon fur breakfast an whar ho could
drop ton oonta into do ohiiroh contri-
liUHliiin box , an don vanity atoppod in to
vrock him. IIo boughtfo * boxes of paper
bllitrs at ono tlino ; ho ordered iuo
cream fur Sunday ; ho 'lowed his wlfo to
( in a hlt'h tea on her birthday ; ho ebon
ilun rcntod a | ) lane at $ o pur month fur
jila eal 'Liza to drum on. In joat filx
vyookB do elder , IIB yo' all know , wan
knocked out an appcnlin to ilia club to
lend him money to git his dawg out o'
pound. "
ho older , who occupied ono of the
front stools , blow bis nose mid wiped his
oyoa and evidently felt broken up , and
Urotlior Gardner wont on :
"TnUo do OUBQ of Samuel Shin. No
body in dls world thought him anything
mo1 dan common. Ho was sort o' scrub-
bin around on two dollum a wool : an
mighty glnd to git a squar' meal , when
his aunt down in Arkansas died an left
him twonly-sovon dollars in cash. Do
ininit Samuel got hold of dat money a
great change uun cum obor him. JIo
-\vnlkod up an down befo' do banks ; ho
talked of rontln a box in do possoilico ;
ho priced oborcoats as higli aa alxty dol-
lars. 1 advised him to hulodom twenty-
Bovon dollars in an oyster can till ho
had pot obor do shock of sudden
wealth , hut Vanity wouldn't Mow him to ,
Ho plunged. Ho reckoned dat he
could buy half do alrth. IIo carried his-
' as aiuT us a poker , an ho wouldn't '
. oak to fartln members of dis club who
fuoun * wear alligator shona. Wlmr am
Itruddor Shuin now ? Vanity wrecked
him. IIo alts obor dar by do alloy doah
crushed , broken an achin to ask Given-
dam Jones to lend him nine cents \c \
in ale y a now start in llfo. "
Samuel hung his head to uscapo ob
lorvallon , nnd several momhors acted as
t they would llko to get outdoors bo-
ere anything lurtlior wus hoard to
droai
"Waydown Boboo , our socrotnry , am
not yore dls oavonln * , " observed the
president , as ho glanced over nt the apot
usually occupied by that individual.
"Am his wife dead ? Am his cabin
nil-nod down wia no Insurance11 ; Was ho
called to Chicago or UtilTalo by do sud
denness of n telegraph ? No sahi Six
weeks ngo while ho was contentedly
iioggln * along on $7 per week a white
man told him dat he looked like Cicero.
Hruddor Hoboo aoan' know Cicero from
Binoral Jackson , but ho felt proud nnd
llattorod. Ho wwnt right out an' bought
real linen collars an' a W-cont ) necktie ,
an' some Im1r ilo an' a watch chain , an'
next day ho quit his job an'
walked around talkln' 'bout free trade
an' tollln' what tilled do kontry. T mot
him In a feed ntore , whar' I was buyln'
stull fur my chickens , an' ho told mo ho
was dun gwino to becum iv lawyer. Van
ity was cllmbin' all ober him. IIo am
not'j-oro tonight bocaso ho didn't llko to
cum bnr'fut , an' his wlfo'3 shoes am too
small fur him. IIo tun a lltmnshul wreck
of do furst water , an' vanity am do cause
of It. Ho was bo'n to bo Waydown
Boboo ; ho sighed to bo Ctcoro. llostilt
bankruptcy. "
Colonel ICyann Johnson now miulo a
slldo for thodoo- , but before ho reached
It Hrolhor Gardner stopped him and
said :
"Ono mo' case dat of Kurnol John
son. A month ngo do kurnol was work-
in' in a woou yard up nigh my cabin. Ilo
was doln so well dat heaps o' folks was
jealous of him. lladhokopt right on
ho would have bccum the Standard Ilo
company of dat nayborhood ; but in tin
evil moment somebody diskivcrcd do
fact dat his ha'r was almost straight tin
his butos only No. J's. ) Dat settled him.
lie quit his job an walked around arm in
arm wld Vanity. H lot his wife buy
lace curtains an plush klvorcd cheers ,
an he hung around do city hall an gin
his views on do Chilian quoshun. His
career was brief. If do city hall was
offered him tomorror for a dime ho
couldn't ralso do cas'i. "
The colonel got up to make some sort
of reply , but words failed him and ho
resumed his seat with a bang and strug
gled with something which appeared
llko ouiotton , but might have boon
colic.
"Darfo' I say to you , an' 1 say it in all
airnostnosH , " concluded the president ,
"to bowar' of vanity. It nm wuss dan a
a tliiof in do night. Drink steals away
yo' brains fur only half a day , but vanity
takes possession of yo'r hull head fur
weeks at a time. Bo proud of do fact
dat yo'wasn't bo'n wid a short log or
humped back or ono eye , but doan't lot
vanity make yo' bcliovo dat dar was any
sposhual roas'on fur yo'r entrance into
this world. Wo am all jest common
cull'd folkes , sortpr waitin' around to
sco wlmt's gwiuo to happen on do next
change of do moon. Wo hain't no call
to bo purty or proud , artd do world uoan'
kcor whether wo sot down r.t homo on
cuno seat cheers or red plush sofas. "
M. QUAD AND THE FREAKS.
Moro than twenty years ago I foil In
with Prof. Somebody or Other , who was
a professor of Something or Other , and
ho brought up the subject of transmigra
tion. Wo were traveling in a Btago-
coach and expected to bo hold up at
ov'ory mile , and I also had the jumping
toothaco. For these reasons I didn't
argue the matter with him , and because
I had no chance to nrgo I was more than
half satisfied of the correctness of the
theory as expounded by him.
"Yes , gentlemen , " said the professor ,
as wo took a short cut over a windfall to
avoid throe "agents" waiting at a bond
in the road with bated breath , "ovory
ono of us will simply take on a now form
after death. There is a man right here
among us who will probably bo changed
into a fat woman or an osslllod man , and
you will sco him exhibited at a dime
' "
museum !
I knew ho mount mo. Everybody
know it. IIo was looking right at mo
as lie said it 1 didn't believe it at
first , but as time wont on the idea became -
came stronger and stronger , and for the
last seventeen years I have felt that I
had that fate in btoro for me. I have
dream- . that I was n fat woman adver
tised as weighing760 pounds , and I have
dreamed that 1 was an ossified man ,
with the public feeling of my toes ano ,
lingers and asking mo for a leg or an
arm as i rollc to label and lay away in
n parlor cabinet. Many a morning I
have awoke under the impression that I
was ton minutes late for the first after
noon exhibition , and many nn evening 1
have started up from my chair with a
feeling that I had boon fined $5 by the
manager tor absenting myself from the
platform before the show was over.
However , I am relieved at last I have
taken moro real comfort in the last wcok
than for a do/.on years before. I went
ever into the Bowery in Now York , sev
eral days ago , with a determination to
know the worst and prepare for It , nnd
the result was a gratifying surprise. I
found the champion fat woman on a
museum platform. Slio looked exactly
a ? I had dreamed that I would look.
Thoao 7oO pounds of fat were draped
around her In the most artistic manner ,
and a stranger from Troy was asking
her how she managed to climb the trees
In harvest apple timo. For llvo minutes I
foil that I had died and been transmi
grated , Then the Troy man wont wn.ii-
uorlng around to see if ho could find a
Troy laundry among the curios , and I
stopped forward and told the fat woman
the whole story from beginning to end.
"Don't yur believe It ! " she emphati
cally replied when I had finished. "If
such a thing were possible , how is it ,
with so many hundreds dying around us
every day , that there are only six of ua
champion fat women now in the busi
ness' ' ' If there was anything in the the
ory thorp'd bo 10,000 of us looking for
engagements and salaries would go down
until a fat woman couldn't earn her
salt. "
I thanked her from the bottom of my
heart , and she kindly continued :
"But oven if it were possible , which I
glvo you my word of honor it isn't you
wouldn't bo no badly olf. There's lots of
things worbo than being a fat woman at a
thumping big salary. You are the star
attraction. The Zulu and the anaconda
and the ossified man are not in U. If a
bit giddy you can always have a flirtation
on hand ; if past the giddy ngo you
have lots of time to do plain Bowing and
visit with the { . 'lantoss. Don't bo upset ,
sir. While you can't possibly bo trans
migrated into u fat woman , requiring n
whole car to herself when she traveln ,
and who has appeared before her
majesty on three dllloront occasions , il
it should BO bo , then don't throw it ever
your shoulder. You have got a good
thing of it and will never have a regret. "
1 couldn't toll her how happy I felt ,
but she had a bonaitiva nature and un
derstood , Then I wont over and re
peated my-Etory to the ossified man. Ho
never once interrupted mo , but when J
had finished hoquiotly Bald :
"You have been stulfed. While I take
no stock In atutlod specimens , I ngioo
with the fat woman that It can never bo.
Ossified men are born not transml
grated. If every Tom , Diok and Harry
in this country could bo turned into an
oasilled man the dime museums would
lave lo go and natural freaks would bo
used for hop poles. If you'll take the
word of a- man who has boon A star at
traction for thirty years , you need do no
moro worrying , "
I tried to make him realize how
brinkful I was , and ho smiled an ossi
fied stnllo and replied :
"That's all right. I'm triad you came
o mo about If you ought to hunt down
that professor and kill him. I say It
can't bo , but If by any possibility it
should bo , you will bo expected , as nn
ossified man. to stick for regular rates
and kick against ever four performances
on Sunday. Make no engagement for
.ess than two weeks , and stipulate that
'on are lo bo carried up and down stairs
y here there nro no elevators. As an
W8slllcd man , bo content. There la money
on It , nnd no saivlng wood. Maintain
lyotir dignity with the Albino , have no
flirtations with the tattooed girl , and
should the fat woman attempt to bo pat-
ronixlng , at once remind her that an os
sified man was the beginning of the
whole museum business , nnd that no
show coulet run for D week without him. "
_ M. QUAD.
T.t/.lv OK HKAL VOVXa PEOVL1S.
Boston Herald : A young miss who
has been to the theater but two or three
times , and then to sco plccea in which
there wus no ballet , was taken the other
afternoon to iv performance where the
ballot was one of the principal features.
She was accompanied by her father nnd
elder sister , and when she came homo
her mother asked her how she liked the
performance. Her reply was well re
ceived by the mother , but not so much
appreciated by the father.
"I liked it pretty well , " she said ,
"but I couldn't see the people through
the glasses , for papa was using them all
the timo. There wtut a lot of girls who
didn't have tiny clothes on but a HUlii
ruoliing around their waists , and they
kicked up awfully. Oh , you ought to
have soon papa laugh. IIo is going to
take me again , mamma , for ho said ho
would. ' '
Papa remained silent.
* #
Detroit Free Press : Two llttlo glrltt
who were playmates got into an ani
mated discussion ever the advantages
of their respective homos. Asa clincher
ono of them said :
"Wo got the mail three times n day at
our homo. "
"Oh , " Bald the other , "that's nothing ;
it comes here every two hours. "
When the visitor was gone , the mother
of the little hostess , who had overheard
her , took her to task :
"How could you say the mall came
every two hours , NollioV" eho asked
gravely.
"It does , " said Miss Nellie promptly ,
"doesn't grandpa come ever here as
often oa that ? "
And the small sophist looked at her
mother t riumplmiitly.
jf. . ) ( .
Washington Star : "You may bo
president some dny. "
"Yes , sir. " replied the energetic lad.
"I know it. "
"What would you do if vou were presi
dent of the United States ? "
"Oh , I didn't moan that kind , i want
to bo president of a brewery.
*
*
San Francisco Wasp : A 3-yoar-old
girl was hoard whispering to herself ,
though quito inuudibly , at the table.
"What were you saying , Narcissa ? "
her father asked.
"I WHS just saying : 'If no one was
taking care of mo I should help myself
to those preserves. "
Good News : Little Nell Mamma says
th' preacher says bonuty is a curse.
What does that moan ? Little brother
That means if mensand womons was
all ugly thero'd never bo any moro
fighthv and quarrolin' . ' 'Why wouldn't
there ? " " 'Cause nobody'd ever marry
anybody , "
*
Indianapolis Journal : "Do you read
the bible , Waldo ? "
"O , yes , almost every day , : > replied
the little Boston boy. "Scarcely a day
passes that in my reading I do not find
some reference to it which requires ver
ification. "
.
P.
Texas Sittings : ' 'What can I do to
induce you to go to bed now ? " asked a
Harlem mamma of her 5-yoar-old boy.
"You can let mo sit up a little longer "
was the youngster's reply.
* #
Teacher What do you say before oat-
ing. Bobby ?
Bobby Nothin' , ma'am.
Teacher Well , what docs your father
say ?
Bobby IIo generally says , "Is that
ail you've got for supper ? "
SU.11K t < OTKl ) MK.Y.
f Ex-Hrosldonr. Cleveland had a brand now
birthday anniversary on thu 18th last , IIo
was ! > r years old on that day.
President Harrison gets up his state papers -
pors lu u legal and rod-tapo style , gust as U
ho was preparing briefs ,
John C. Clotncnts of Georgia , newly appointed -
pointed interstate commerce commissioner , is
a Baptist deacon , a cleric of the Georgia Bap
tist , association and its Sunday school con
vention.
N C. Creodo , who recently roamed tlio
mountains of Colorado a poor and friendless
prospector , is said to have been offered
* 1OOJ , < WO by D. 11 , MoJTdtt for bis inter ,
est In the Amotuyst mino. The ofTor wa
refused. s
Major General O. O. Howard lost his right
arm nt the battle of Fair Cults. It was to
lit m that General Phil Kearney , who had
lost hi ; loft arm at Cbapultopec , made the
famous remark : "Howard , you and I will
have to buy our gloves m partnership. "
General Gourkn , povornor eonoral of Hus
sion Poland , is a halo and vigorous soldier of
Ot ycar.s , nnd ho is not Koine to resign his
nlttco as has boon reported. ' 1 lie czar knows
bis value too well.
A bronze statue of the I a to John Planhln-
ton of MilwauKco , Is to bo set up In the lobby
of the hotel In thnt city which boars his
namo. H. II. I'urlt is the sculptor commis
sioned by the family to perform the task.
Padorowsui has been presented by his
Boston admireri with a beautiful wreath of
laurel In silver. Thov were considerate
cnoiiKh not to InsUt that ho should wear it
as the Komaa conquerors were theirs , They
did not want to dlsarraiieo his hair.
Among the witty doJlnlllons that bavoboon
credited to eminent men the following bv In-
Rorsoll is imi-tleulcrly neat : "A politician U
n man who wants the people to do something
for him ; a statesman is a man who wants to
do boruethinK for the people. "
U P. A. Healy , tuo portrait painter , > s
pajsluc bis time while in Chicago at a family
hotel , where ho appears in the corridors clad
In a loo3G-llttng ( suit of black and wearing
stcol-riniined spectacles. Ha h said to ba
very genial and humorous In a quiet way ,
Ills fnco is slightly ilorid and his hair boglns
to show the frost of many winters.
Ward McAllister's only aaughtor was
visiting not long aeo in Philadelphia , and at ,
a luncheon given iu her honor assumed ulrs
of superiority which caused the other women
present mingled anjnsomont nnd rago. Dur
ing the luncheon she remarked in a supercil
ious tone to a bright girl on her right ? "Ah ,
have you any ono hero who fills the some
what important place m society that papa
dnos In Now Yorlcl" "Oh , yoi , several , "
sweetly replied the girl addressed ; "but they
are all colored mou. "
J'jtrouizo llomu Industry ,
and specify iu your purchase : that you want
goods made iu Nebraska factories and pro
duced by Nebraska soil. All whiskies nnd
spirits ot any Idnd manufactured by Her fc
Co. unit iho Willow Springs distillery are
made in the itato and from Nebraska grain ,
consuming U.OOJ bushels par duy. Insist
upon .your dealer furnishing homo made
Roods ; ' , hey are equal to Iho boat anil covt 110
more. Assist homo induitries.
Forceful Reasons WhynThoy Should ba
Under Qovornmnt Control ,
> ii >
LOWER RATES AND IMPROVED SERVICE ,
_ _ L' '
/ t
Item It Work * In OtliniMCntiiitrle < A Tor-
foctly Constitutional ttprcNn of l-cnvcr
Trend of r.tperlim-lit ami Discov
ery In iii-cttlc : l Mutters.
The question ot government control
of telegraph anil telephone Is treated by
the Hon. U'altor Clark , of the bench of
North Carolina , In the March Arena.
Ho takes it for granted that It Is a
perfectly constitutional thing for the
poatolllces to handle messages of this
kind and dwells more upon the cheap
ness nnd effectiveness of such nn insti
tution :
livery civilized country with the solo
exception of ours , has long slnco made
the olograph u part of Us postal service ,
and in all It hii : worked satisfactorily.
The rates in Great Hrittiln and Ireland
are , like postage , uniform for all dis
tances and are 1 cent per word. In Ger
many the rate is about the same and In
Austria less. In Franco and Ilolgium
the rate is under 10 cents ( half a franc )
for ton words between any two points.
No department of the postolllce In any
country pays better than the telegraph.
In most countries the telephone , too.
has boon added. It is very certain
that the telegraph and telephone ,
as parts of our postal service ,
would not only wonderfully
improve the moans of intercourse ,
but it is believed that a very cheap uni
form rnlo probably 5 cents n message
would pay a'handsome revenue to the
government. In the presence of the ex
orbitant rates to which wo are accus
tomed this will seem hazardous ; but ro-
llectlon will show that It is not , Telegraph -
graph wlro costs less than $8 per mile ;
poles In our country are not expensive ,
the cost of erecting them light. The
chemicals for use of the wires are in
expensive. Whore , then , is the cost ?
The government pays freight to r.ill-
roads , steamboats and btar routes , and
sends letters across the continent at 2
cents and around the world for 5 cents.
The "last postmaster-general's report
states that while , owing to the cost of
heavy packages and matter carried frco ,
there is a deficiency iu the postollico ,
yet on the carriage of letters there is a
not revenue nnnuallyi $3t > ,000OUO.
Why , then , is it ehjuiorical to say
that messages sent by wire , at the
cost of a few p\i.eap \ chemicals
and with no frolgnti to bo paid ,
would not pay a prollf' ' .lit 5 cents per
message of ten words ? * It may bo noted
that the telephone pnttint expires next
March. Now is the tl'ino for congress _ to
adopt it for the postolllco and establish
a telephone at every country postolllco.
The advantages to the" rural population
would bo manifold. Hytaciaiis could ba
summoned promptly for'tho sick. Wit
nesses and others summoned to court
could bo notified whjxi day or hour to
attend , and be saved useless hours hang
ing around the couutyiu:0urt house. A
telephone message to tiQ ) nearest rail
way statioii'Wovild ascertain whether ex
pected freight had come , and the farmer
would bo wived a noodloas trip of his
wugon over bad roads. News of approaching
preaching frosts could bo promptly dis
tributed through the country districts ,
and many a valuable crop saved. Those
may seem homely purposes to dwellers
in cities , but they will deprive country
life of some of its drawbacks , and
bo a bopn to a portion of our
population who claim that they bear
their full share of the burdens of gov
ernment and receive less than their
share of Us bonollts. It comes , too , nt
a time when they are disposed to assort
and maintain their right to bo better
considered in a distribution of the ad
vantages of governmental favor. For
this service it might well bo provided
that for telephonic messages within the
county or for a distutico less than fifty
miles the charge would bo only 2 cents.
A system similar lo this now prevails in
Austria nnd some other countries. The
pystmaster could very easily keep his
accounts , either by the use of stamps or
by a nlcUol-in-tho-slot attachment to the
instrument. If the telephone is not now
adopted by government , gome gigantic
corporation , some vast syndicate , will bo
sure to utilize it ; und when hereafter
government shall bo forced to take it up
for the public service , congress will bo
waived olT , as trespassing upon private
and vested rights , ns is already the case
wlln the telegraph.
TclOKrnuhy IVltlinut Wlron.
The trend of experiment and discovery
in electrical matters Is today toward a
solution of the problem of sending tele
graphic messages without wlre.s , or in
other words through the air , and oven
through substances. These discoveries
have lo do with electric waves or vibra
tions , and uxparimontpra are hard nt
work to conquer and make use of the
now phenomena. In this country Nicola
Tosln , in Kngland , Lodge , and in Ger
many the scientist HorU , have all been
experimenting. From a recent news
paper report it appears that Tesla lwj
been able to demonstrate the power and
action of these waves , and ho recently
brought the matter before the members
of the American Institute of Engineers.
IIo made ut-o of n dy"rVitino which pro
duced waves of imiiumso rapidity and
high power. "Tho cent from the
dynamo was led to twojnotal plutes , t > o
placed that ono was mi either sldo of
the lecture room wullfi'und they wore
directly opposite each plhor. When Iho
current was turned onj 'was ' discovered
that the electric w.ivud generated by
the dynamo were carried or propagated
through iho air of thui room from one
plate to the other , aiiA.Hftthout any com
municating medium visible to tlio oyu ,
Himh as u wlro. Kxtftufrdinary results
were produced , which fascinated the
spectalors. They woro' tnesslng some
thing now , 8tartUiig'ii perhaps almost
appalling in Its suggosrtyo possibilities.
When Mr. Tesla heldoiin his hand the
carbon lilamonts of atVdootrlo ) lamp so
that a line drawn from ono of the plates
to the other would pass through the
lamp , very brilliant incandobconco
was produced , No metallic faiib-
stance whatever connected the
lamp with the plates. When
he withdraw the lump , HO that it was no
longer within riingo between the two
plates , the light was extinguished in
stantly. " From this experiment all
sorts of possibilities have boon predict
ed , nnd a now era predicted for the com
mercial use of the valuable dlacovory.
What has been done abroad in the same
Hold may bo gathered from the February
number of the Fortnightly Review :
"Hays of light will not pierce through u
wall , nor , as wo know only to well ,
through a London fog. But the elec
trical vibrations of a yurd or more in
wave-length of which I Jiavo spoken
will oailly pierce such mediums , which
to them will bo transparent Horothou ,
is revealed the bewildering possibility
of telegraphy without wires , posts , ca
bles , or any of our costly appliances.
Granted n few reasonable postulates , the
whole thing comes well within the
realms of possible fulfillment. At the
present time experimentalists are able
to generate electrical waves ot any do-
sit od wave-length from a tow foot up
ward , and to keep up a succession of
such waves radiating inlo space in nil
directions. It is possible , too , with
some ot those rays , It not with all , to ro-
fi-act them through suitably shaped
bodies acting as lenses , and so direct a
shout of rays in any given direction ;
enormous lons-shnpcd masses of pitch
and similar bodies have been used for
this purpose. Also , an experimentalist
nt a distance can receive some , if not all ,
of those rays on a properly constructed
Instrument , and , by concerted signals ,
messages in the Morse code can thus
pass from ono operator to another ,
what , therefore , remains to bo discov
ered is : First , simpler and moro
certain means ot generating elec
trical rays of any desired wave
length , from the shortest , say of
a few foot in length , which will easily
pass through buildings nnd fogs , to
those long waves whoso lengths are
measured by tons , hundreds , and thou
sands of tulles ; secondly , moro delicate
receivers which will respond lo wuvo
lengths between certain defined limits
and bo silent to all others ; tlilrdlyincans
of darting the sheaf of rays In any do-
feirod direction , whether by lenses or re-
Hectors , by the help of which the sensi
tiveness of the receiver ( apparently the
most dllltcult of the problems to bo
solved ) would not need to bo so deliento
tas when the rays are simply radiating
into sp.ico in all directions , and fading
away according to the law of inverse
"
squares
T.ir.K AHUVf II OJ//7.V.
The first woman over plncud on the school
board of BulTulo is Mrs. Lily Lord Tilt , who
was recently appointed.
Mrs. Cleveland Is said to llvo In apprehen
sion that her llttlo daughter will bo kidnaped
by some ruthless villain.
It is altogether a mistake tn suppose that a
girl cannot use her eyes to Illrt with Just because
cause she hn * to wear oye-jjlnsso1 ! .
The only way to win In an argument with
a woman is to wain on" when you have stated
your sldo of It.
Pnrlmps tbore was an inspiration In Mlsi
Droughton'8 selection of tun Quaker City n
the nlaeo for her Homo of Kust lor Horses
but at any rate the scheme has proved prnctl
cal and successful.
Several women have boon permitted to
practice dentistry In Donnmrk after having
passed the regular examinations ,
Miss MeEvoy has boon appointed cashier
of n Now Voru hotel. Doubtless she will
soon bo able to wear as big diamonds ns the
rest of them.
The women of Poland will wear inournlnu
during IS'.U ' to commr-inorato the contonnry
of the loss of Poland's national indopondanco.
Tanausohok , the actress , has the newest
thing iu pels. She has adopted u nair of
guinea pu-j and has carried thorn about with
her during this outire season.
The empress of Uormanv is in the habit of
writing for a few minutes dally in her diary.
Nobody ever sees the contents of the diary
not even the omporor. At the close of the
year n now diary is opened , nnd the old one ,
which has a locked clasp , is consigned to the
Iron safe containing her majesty's ' domestic
jowolry.
Apart from her intense piety and great energy -
orgy , Mrs. Spurgoon is n woman of some ac
complishments. She lias something of the
pool's faculty , and although vorv rarely
rending any work of llction , has told her
friends innumerable little anecdotes indicat
ing tlio brightness of her imagination.
Patti is going to blossom out asau amateur
tragedienne. She has Just lold young Salvini
that she intends to play Sanfuzza iu "Cav-
nllorlti Husilcana" at her castle next sum
mer , and before n few chosen friends. Sal-
vini promptly offered to play Turridu to hf r
Santuzzo , and the offer was as promptly ac
cepted.
Mrs. Potter Palmer has asked permission
of the Gorman government to uuvo the grand
bronze doors of the Strasburg cathedral re
produced for the woman's building of ttio ox-
poslUon , because tbcso doors were designed
and wrought by a woman , Sablna Steinboch.
who was the sister , assistant nnd adviser of
the architect.
Mrs. Gabricllo Greeloy Clondouin is a woman
"
man of medium height ; "sho has dark brown
huir , eve which it is hard to tell Just what
color they are , for at time * tlioy seem hnzol ,
and at other moments black as'jet , tbon in a
tender mood they look a melting brown , The
mouth is 11 i-ni and sweet , and the noise of
tuohe.id and nock that in which an artist
would delight.
Kosa Bunhour has Just completed a paint
ing for which she has refused fti,000 ) , The
Empress Eugenie was one of the llt-st to roc-
oznizo the merits of the talented woman
painter , nnd it UMS by 'the empress's wish
mat she received the decoration she pnzos
so highly.
Not lone ago a Chicago wife induced her
husband to promise to give her nil the silver
coins ho received bearing an o'dd dalo. Then
she wrote a number of friends with whom
her husband does business , and nslted them
to pay ever to her husband as many such
coins as they could. They did so , and bo ivas
soon surprised beyond measure to Ilnd that
a remarkably largo number of his bills there
after were paid in small com , which his wlfo
promptly confiscated under his own proposi
tion. IIo would hove boon bankrupted very
speedily hod ho not "smelt a rat" and
promptly struck his colors by affecting a
compromise.
Mine. J'attl somewhat , surprised her mana
ger on her recent trip from Louisville to
Pittsburg , when she had u spacial train , by
asking lo have Iho speed .slackened , or rntbcr
iho Irain stopped. At lhat particular momonl
It was making remarkable time Her request
having ucon complied with , she ntopned off
the cars nnd'oxorclscd her pet skyofor II f teen
minutes , and then allowed the Journey lo bo
resumed.
i if 1
won. x tori.
InvcbtmcnU in our Treasury SlouU will pity 25
per cent , mid upnnrd pur annum Money to lie
iiM'J In pxti-ml liusliioss Ilckt bulk references.
Kl'KXOKU 1IAKI.NG I'OWllHIt CO , CHICAGO.
Baby's one ek is like a poach ,
Is it Madama Rupport's bleach ?
No ! but baby's mama'n.cheok
"Volumes to its praise doth speak !
Cnll for .Mine. Ilupporl'i book , "How to bo Benull-
fill" of lira. J , lliMuim. 210 H. IJIIi Hi. , Omnbn , Nnu.
I have a ( wsitlro reined ? far tlia obuvo dluuM ; br Its
unu tIIOIIBjnd of C/IBOj of this vrorat Ilnd nnd of long
t-tan Jmc have been cured. Indued no ttrong l > mj hltu
iu Its etllcacjr. Hut I will sand TWO r.orn.Ll nice , with
a VAI.UA1ILK TUUATJHK on thu dlionne tu * nj nuf.
f eror who trill § enl wa thair Kzprvu anil I' . O , adcJreM.
T. A. Slocum. DI. C' . , 183 i'uurl St. , N. V.
.Fcr LOST or FAILING MANHOOD ,
flOtneraltndUEEVOUS DEBILITY
, ' Wealcneii of Body o ad Mind , Effect *
Ulcf ErroriorExceuei in Old or Young ,
IU.I.UII , KtLlr IUM1UOU r llt KnUrrd. ! ! Iu fulirrr aid
bmanktiii7UkiMii.Truiri > \sjLrtKTSoiiiuui !
iUelulHr uftllUt IIIDJK TKKiTHIOT-liriitOU In Htr ,
Utu Irtllf ; Inmt ( u Ulilri lad I ortlfu t ocXrlri. n till lira.
iJrtcrlplliv Uwl , ciplimlloDanJ i > reort a&Ucdiftlr4)frrfl ( )
ida. . ERIEMCDICALCO.BUFFAlO.H.Y ,
INTEREST RfllDONDEPOSITS
ATQMAHAlOflN&TRUSTCQ
5AVIN&S BANK
SE1CDR. IBf" DOUGLAS 5T5.
CAPITAL'-B IOO.OOO.OO
DIRECTORS iAU.WYUAN-C.VV.NASH
IHMIOARO CUV-CUARTON-C.D.LAKE.
J.J.OFtOWN-THbs-L.KIMHALL.
3ANTA
I am a Trav'llnjf mnn 1 I'll ' tell you of my plan.
In spite of nil temptation
1 pursue my old vocation ,
I'm still a Trav'llng mnu I A jolly Fnlrbank manl
CHORUS :
For he himself has said It ,
And it's greatly to his credit ,
Thai he Is a Trav'llng mnn I That he Is a Falrbank m , j
SANTA CLAUS SOAP
Sold by Traveling men nnd Grocers Everywhere. Manufactured only by
N. K. FAIRBANK & CO. , Chicago , III. y
The UNPRECEDENTED SUCCESS
that the
Behr Bros. & Go's.
PIANO
Have attained , and the high prnlso they have rlldteil from the unrlil'sMOST IMS-
NOWNIH ) ARTISTS , from Hie press anil from a public long projiultreil in furor ol
hlcr makes , it is Palo to assume that the instrument mint lie possussu 1 of UN COM
JION ATTKIHUTKS.
ATTKIHUTKS.MAX MEYER Sc BRO. CO. ,
Sole Agents , Omaha , Nebraska ,
Established iS66.
1316 Douglas Street , Omaha , Neb.
Tn eminent * porlall t In norvons , clironlc , private , blood , iklnnnit untmrj ilbnmos A rognlAr und
KKl'trrcit cniilimto In mcnlrlno. ni diploma * nnd cortltiratna show. 19 still treating with Ilia iirtntoit lucccu
e larrh. > purmatorrhooaloit mnnliooQ. aomlnM wonknpj * . Tilklit losioi , luipotency , lyplilllv stricture , lion-
orrliutm , Klcol , vurlcocelc.ctc. No mercury used. Isow treatment lorlon of % ltul power , Pnrllos nnnblo la
Ylslt rno may be treated nt tioma lijr correspondence. MoiUUao or Instrument ! ) rent by mull orexprr&s
ourolypacked , no mark ! to tndlcato contents or endor. Ono pcrsonnl lutorvlvw preferred. Conaultalloa
Iroo. CnrroipouiSenco itrlctlj private. Jlook ( MjBttrUi of Ufo ) loat Iroo. OfQcu hour * 9 a. at. to p. u.
Sundays ID a. rn.to Urn.Bond tuiny lor replj.
OF OMAHA.
ABSOLUTELY INCANDESCED
FIRE PROOF , ELECTRIC LIGHTS
PERFECT
NOT A DARK
VENTILATION
OFFICE
IN THE BUILDING
NIGHT AND DAY
ELEVATOR
68 VAULTS , SERVICE ,
DIRECTORY OF OCCUPANTS :
GROUND FLOOR :
FOREST TjAWN CEMETERY ASSOCIATION ortVTKEASUUEn.
TRUBTEK8 OP THU I'RATT & FERRIH OAT- OMAHA HEAL ESTATE AND TRUST OCX
OO.
MUIIt & OAYLOIin. Itoal Estate. J. D ANTES. KoUimln Olga'r Stand
CITY COMl'TROLLEIt. WOMEN'S i\uiiANan. :
FIRST FLOOR :
THK OMAHA HEH COUNTING ItOOM , Ad . UKI'ATB ft. CO. , Contractors.
vertising and Subscription Departments. WESTERN UNION TEIiEURAl'II OKF10B.
AMKKIUAN WATER WORK'S COMPANY. OKNTHAI , LOAN AND TRUST CO.
Sl'l'EUlNTENDENT HEE HUIUUNO.
SECOND FLOOR.
Il.A.WAGNKU.Apontfor tlnltetlFtntcsMutuul THE KQUITAIILE LIFE ASSURANOH 8O-
Accident liiHiiriinco Company. OIETYOFNEW YORK.
DR. CIIARUS : ROSEWATER. CHRISTIAN bUIENOE ASSOCIATION.
1'ROVIDENT SAVINGS UFn , of Now York. ANGLO-AMERICAN MORTGAGE ft TRUST
MAf-SACIIUSr.TTS MUTUAL LIl'i : INSUR- COMPANY.
'
IUK : Rl'REAU OF OLAIMS.
ANOK COMPANY. DR. II. II. IIIRNKY. NtiMimiil Tliront.
OMAHA FIRE JNMJKANCE INSPF.CTION IIIRNEY UATARRIIAL POWDER CO.
UUREAU , C. IIARTMAN , Inspector. GRANT UL'LLIMORi : , Dualist uiiU Aurlafc.
THIRD FLOOR.
JOHN GRANT , CoiitraclorforStrootnwlSide MANHATTAN LIFE INSURANCE OOU.
walk I'lUCIIlL'lltH. 1'ANY. '
ROIIERT W. PATRICK , Law OHlces. M. II , TIIAUERJIAN , Attorney.
EQUITY COURT NO. j.
DR.O.XOAK H. HOFFMAN.
EQUITY roURT NO.J. .
LAW C-OUKT NO. J. UNITED STATES LIFE INSURANCE CO ,
J. M. CHAMI1ERH , Abstract * of Nuw York.
W.M. SI.Mr.ltAL. E. W. UMKRAL.
UHL , Loans , Rual Kstato and Inauranco. H. It , PA'lTEN , DuntlsU
FOURTH FLOOR.
NORTIIWISTIRN : : MUTUAL LIFE 1N3DKr. . M. rjsJ | " | , Architect.
ANun COMPANY THE PATRICK LAND COMPANY , Ownori
CONNECTICUT MUTUAL LIFE 1NSUR- of Diinduo Place ,
ANOE COMPANY. JOHN LKTIIKM , PublNior ,
I'ENN MUTUAL LIFR INSURANCE COM OMAHA COAL EXCHANGE.
PANY.
P. F. KKKMir.KO , I'no Palntor.
HARTFORD LIFE AND ANNUITY INSURANCE
ALEX MOORE. Itiul IC-tiito itnd Ixjuni
ANCE COMPANY.
THEMERCHANTrf RETAIL OOMMEROIAr ,
WERSTER ti HOWARD , Insurance.
AGENt'Y. '
WESTERN OAR SERVICE ASSOCIATION. KJ Al'J.KTON LAND CO.
ANDREW ROSEWATEIt , Siinltury Kiigluour. II. II. MKDAY.
J. L. 1ILACK , Civil < ; lIMA.X ARC CO.
FIFTH FLOOR.
HEAD QUARTERS , U. B. ARMY. DEPART C1IIKF PAYMASTER ,
MENT OP Till ; PLATTE , : Olllcos. PAYMASTER.
DEPARTMENT COMMANDER. AShlfcTANTtiPARTERMASTER.
ADJUTANT GENERAL.
INSPECTOR SMALL ARMS PRAOTlOa
INSPECTOR ( iENEKAL.
JUDGE ADVOCATE. CIIIIFOFOIMI.NANOU ;
( JHIEF QUARTERMASTER.
OIHKF COMMISSARY OF SUUSISTENCE , AIDK.S-Di.CAMP. :
MEDICAL DIRECTOR. ASblSTANT B I. ' HURON.
SIXTH FLOOR.
II. II ARTMAN.Cast Iron Gaa and Water Pipe. UNITF.D HTATi LOAN ft INVESTMENT
C. LAMIIERT bMITII. COMPANY.
Till : IMPLEMENT DEALER.
O. F. 1JEINDORFF , Arcliltoct. IC. . NASH , l.o un.
REED PRINTING CO. HAMILTON LOAN AND'I RUST OO.
EIHTORIAL ROOMS OF Till' : IlIvK. Compos
U. S. ARMY PRINTING. OFFICES. ing , hioinotyplni ; and Mulling ruutau.
MANUFACTURERS AND CONSUMER3 AS- M. A , UPTON CO. , Rual Eslato.
SOOJATION. F.A DA WES.
SEVENTH FLOOR.
THE ROYAL AROANUM PARLOlia
A few more elegant office rooms may be had by applying
ot R. W , Baker , Superintendent , office on counting room floor